It’s 2016 and I put nothing past anyone.

May 19, 2016 12:42 PM

Come on, you know you’ve thought to yourself, “I wonder if there’s a way to lick my cat and groom him or her at the same time?”
posted by BuddhaInABucket (49 comments total)

No, I haven't.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 12:42 PM on May 19, 2016 [4 favorites]

WHY WOULD I EVER HAVE THOUGHT THAT.
posted by kate blank at 12:44 PM on May 19, 2016 [9 favorites]

I assume wondering this is one of the symptoms of that disease you get from cleaning cats' litter boxes?
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 12:44 PM on May 19, 2016 [27 favorites]

IF this is real why doesn't it have a Kickstarter?
posted by thelonius at 12:44 PM on May 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

I...I am a committed cat lover/owner and I have never ever thought this. I have thought about putting them in outfits, writing operas about them, stage musicals too, and dropped stupid money on toys and food and hand woven felt caves they refuse to fucking use, but I have never wanted to lick my cat.
posted by Kitteh at 12:45 PM on May 19, 2016 [26 favorites]

You didn't click the link in TFA, did you?
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 12:45 PM on May 19, 2016

I have thought about putting them in outfits, writing operas about them, stage musicals too, and dropped stupid money on toys and food and hand woven felt caves they refuse to fucking use, but I have never wanted to lick my cat.

My cat gets an EIGHTY DOLLAR HAIRCUT every month and it has never crossed my mind that I might want to lick her.
posted by kate blank at 12:47 PM on May 19, 2016 [10 favorites]

"Win, win?" No.
posted by SkinnerSan at 12:48 PM on May 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

My cat gets an EIGHTY DOLLAR HAIRCUT every month ...

Is it a good haircut? Is the salon anywhere near the Junction? Because, man, if I'm going to pay that kind of money for a haircut, I need a stylist who knows what "angled bob, longer in the front" means WHY YES, I'M SUBTWEETING A CERTAIN ESTABLISHMENT ON DUNDAS #bitter
posted by maudlin at 12:51 PM on May 19, 2016 [6 favorites]

Is there a word for something that isn't actually NSFW but feels like it should be, and you're not sure why? The video in this post feels like that.
posted by Kevin Street at 12:52 PM on May 19, 2016 [7 favorites]

I think our old friend "squick" is still applicable.
posted by maudlin at 12:53 PM on May 19, 2016 [8 favorites]

I am entirely on board with the RTFA before commenting concept, but I can't quite bring myself to click. I am afraid I will not be able to unsee.
posted by clone boulevard at 12:54 PM on May 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

They should call it the Thrush Brush^TM.
posted by Atom Eyes at 12:57 PM on May 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

Is it a good haircut? Is the salon anywhere near the Junction?

She looks absolutely FETCHING and our stylist does serve the Junction, as it turns out!
posted by kate blank at 12:57 PM on May 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

“I gave my cat a bath the other day...they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that...”

-- Steve Martin
posted by bondcliff at 12:57 PM on May 19, 2016 [11 favorites]

Though I am quite happy to do this, licking either directly or with what appears to be a sex toy that's been run over by a steam engine is not an option in the Wordshore household thank you very much.
posted by Wordshore at 12:59 PM on May 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

I saw the commerical on TV.

Cat was like, "dude"
posted by clavdivs at 1:02 PM on May 19, 2016 [4 favorites]

One of my cats is a Bond Villain cat. She wants to sit on your lap being mostly ignored, and hates being pet too vigorously, or your face getting too close to her.

My other cat loves to wake me up by grooming my hair. He'll headbutt me so that he's rubbed his whiskers on me, and if I had whiskers, he'd feel equally nuzzled. To him, I am a giant malformed cat.

I have no doubt in my mind that he wants this.
posted by politikitty at 1:03 PM on May 19, 2016 [6 favorites]

One of the strangest sites I've seen in some time. I have no idea how these people got their cats wedged under their giant gross fake tongues, or why.
posted by Cookiebastard at 1:03 PM on May 19, 2016 [8 favorites]

So it's a ribbed condom for your tongue?
posted by Jode at 1:08 PM on May 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

So it's a ribbed condom for your tongue?

*slams browser shut*
posted by maudlin at 1:10 PM on May 19, 2016 [22 favorites]

Even the parasites in my brain aren't encouraging me to think this is a good idea.
posted by rtha at 1:13 PM on May 19, 2016 [11 favorites]

So it's a ribbed condom for your tongue?

Now THERE's a kickstarter.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 1:15 PM on May 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

I have kind of a complimentary problem, we have a new puppy, and his first instinct when he approaches anything is to lick it. He almost got himself shocked by an electrical socket once, good thing it was wired to a switch and was off. We have no idea how to train him to smell, not lick when he approaches something.
posted by numaner at 1:16 PM on May 19, 2016

So it's a ribbed condom for your tongue?

Such a thing exists, for teh sex.
posted by numaner at 1:17 PM on May 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

Wait, wait, wait, what if this is just a brilliant way to mass market a sex toy?

"It's for licking 'cats'." wink wink nudge nudge
posted by I-baLL at 1:20 PM on May 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

So it's a ribbed condom for your tongue?


For purr pleasure.
posted by bondcliff at 1:20 PM on May 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

Do you stick your own tongue into it? Bite down on the end of it? Jam it in your mouth and pray it stays put?
posted by bologna on wry at 1:21 PM on May 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

So it's a ribbed condom for your tongue

A cat's tongue is essentially covered in hundreds of tiny cats claws.

So not exactly 'ribbed for her pleasure' country.
posted by srboisvert at 1:33 PM on May 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

A cat's tongue is essentially covered in hundreds of tiny cats claws.

As are their cocks. But please no-one tell that to the people who made this abomination.
posted by howfar at 1:41 PM on May 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

Do you stick your own tongue into it? Bite down on the end of it? Jam it in your mouth and pray it stays put?

Does it double as a bite guard thingy to prevent grinding your teeth while you sleep? Covered by insurance-- win!
posted by travertina at 1:54 PM on May 19, 2016 [4 favorites]

Never. Not once. I get a snootful of fur just when I go smooch their precious wee fuzzy heads as it is.
posted by angeline at 2:07 PM on May 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

What kind of moron buys a dental dam to use on their cat?
posted by ActingTheGoat at 2:16 PM on May 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

I've licked my cat back lots of times. I don't know if I'd want to put a weird spiky rubber thing on my tongue first, though.
posted by Jacqueline at 2:28 PM on May 19, 2016

But what happens if the cat really enjoys it and wants to, well, take things to the next level/base?
posted by Wordshore at 2:34 PM on May 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

Folks, there's a reason why cat-keeping humans have fingers.

In fact, it's speculated that cats first started spending time close to humans not because of being fed (being within range of their rodent-attracting granaries would have sufficed) but because of the humans having fingers and, in some cases, a tendency to stroke friendly-looking cats.

In any case: this product doesn't fill any actual unmet needs.
posted by acb at 2:48 PM on May 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

What is even the fucking point if you can't tell if your cat haz a flavor?

I mean why else would you lick your cat

why
posted by drlith at 2:57 PM on May 19, 2016 [15 favorites]

I'm with you, drlith. Why, indeed?
posted by she's not there at 3:39 PM on May 19, 2016

I... that is... why would you... no. Just no. Nopity nope nope nope.
posted by sarcasticah at 3:39 PM on May 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

MetaFilter: I don't know if I'd want to put a weird spiky rubber thing on my tongue first, though.
posted by Wordshore at 3:44 PM on May 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

We all know that things like this are posted just to provide an excuse for Mefites to talk about their cats. And sex toys.

Wait, this is one hell of a weird thread.
posted by mudpuppie at 4:13 PM on May 19, 2016 [5 favorites]

My cats have a six foot tall cat tree, endless toys, treats, my entire apartment and everything in it (including me) at their disposal. Before I consider this they need to learn how to make me coffee.
posted by soakimbo at 5:16 PM on May 19, 2016 [8 favorites]

an excuse for Mefites to talk about their cats. And sex toys

I really need very little reasons to talk about sex and cat toys.
posted by numaner at 5:33 PM on May 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

ahem

NO AND QUIT IT
posted by Space Kitty at 6:05 PM on May 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

I posted this in a small cat-lovers Facebook group I have (why, yes I do), and my favorite response was, "At least I can stop getting hairballs!
posted by thebrokedown at 7:03 PM on May 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

It's been too long since Metafilter has discussed doing weirdly sexual things with cats.
posted by Grimgrin at 11:06 PM on May 19, 2016

The one part of my older cat that she most would appreciate help with is the one part this ... apparatus would do nothing to help.
posted by sebastienbailard at 11:21 PM on May 19, 2016

Our Mr. Tuxedopants would bite that guy right in the nose.

Hard.
posted by flabdablet at 12:56 AM on May 20, 2016

Okay I can't believe I am now the cat lady that is even weirder than the other cat people of metafilter... I once licked my cat's neck in an attempt to kiss/nuzzle/groom her. The taste and sensation was vile. So yeah I would buy this. *

(And I'm a librarian. Sorry to all cool librarians for reinforcing negative images of our profession)
posted by biggreenplant at 10:40 AM on May 20, 2016 [2 favorites]