"Stupid" being the operative word here
February 9, 2017 8:31 PM   Subscribe

 
The banana sandwich. Thank you.
posted by still_wears_a_hat at 8:40 PM on February 9, 2017 [12 favorites]


I really, really needed this right now. Thank you.
posted by asperity at 8:42 PM on February 9, 2017 [8 favorites]


I'll dance with you, Johnny Wallflower.
posted by Floydd at 9:12 PM on February 9, 2017 [1 favorite]


What, no ice soap?
posted by phoenixy at 9:14 PM on February 9, 2017 [3 favorites]


Save time in the morning and enjoy a healthy breakfast by brushing your teeth with a banana!
posted by guiseroom at 9:15 PM on February 9, 2017 [3 favorites]


Let's be honest now, the reverse popcorn hoodie is actually brilliant.
posted by Dr Dracator at 9:23 PM on February 9, 2017 [73 favorites]


okay, the one about putting phones in rice made me actually LOL
posted by murphy slaw at 9:33 PM on February 9, 2017 [21 favorites]




I'm glad there isn't an iron in my apartment because my roommate liked that pizza heater one waaaay too much...
posted by astapasta24 at 9:45 PM on February 9, 2017 [4 favorites]


Look, it's something someone copied wholesale from Buzzfeed, who got it from 'curating' a hashtag on twitter, tumblr and reddit!
posted by klangklangston at 9:53 PM on February 9, 2017 [8 favorites]


Oh god the one with the oreos.
posted by Joey Michaels at 10:02 PM on February 9, 2017 [7 favorites]


klangklangston: "Look, it's something someone copied wholesale from Buzzfeed, who got it from 'curating' a hashtag on twitter, tumblr and reddit!"

Or stole at least one from the SomethingAwful forums with no attribution.

What? Goon? Who?
posted by Samizdata at 10:19 PM on February 9, 2017 [6 favorites]


Midnight really is the best time to post these. I really love getting the giggles after long hard day of adult anxiety and responsibility.
posted by midmarch snowman at 10:27 PM on February 9, 2017 [4 favorites]


If these are stolen, and I bet they are, isn't that the meta lifehack? Lifehack the list by copying it without attribution!

Wherever these are from, most are truly funny. Thanks for posting.
posted by AugustWest at 10:40 PM on February 9, 2017 [13 favorites]


I have actually done that sock trick. But with tights, and my knee.
posted by mochapickle at 11:20 PM on February 9, 2017 [35 favorites]


We used irons to cook hot dogs at the power tool drag races back in the day. The pizza totally makes sense.
posted by boilermonster at 11:23 PM on February 9, 2017 [1 favorite]


they're viz top tips, innit

fill the ugly hole at the front of your house with a wooden door!
posted by Sebmojo at 11:35 PM on February 9, 2017 [15 favorites]


Look, it's something someone copied wholesale from Buzzfeed, who got it from 'curating' a hashtag on twitter, tumblr and reddit!

Copy from one person == plagiarism
Copy from many people == research

I'm only half joking.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 11:39 PM on February 9, 2017 [17 favorites]


Pizza + iron + hairdryer isn't a life hack, it's a someone who travels too much for work hack

It's also why when I'm in a hotel I always iron a towel first before using it on my shirts
posted by danny the boy at 12:32 AM on February 10, 2017 [16 favorites]


Want to get free mayonnaise for life? Steal a single jar of mayonnaise from your local supermarket. Once that jar is empty, steal an additional jar of mayonnaise. Repeat until dead.
posted by Atom Eyes at 12:32 AM on February 10, 2017 [20 favorites]


Yeah viz top tips are the gold standard of these, and I also very much love @TwopTips on Twitter.

WTF Denny? is my new they're good dogs, Brent.
posted by billiebee at 12:39 AM on February 10, 2017 [7 favorites]


i need to know, can I use BBQ sauce for a bookmark, or can one only use Tomato sauce?
posted by greenhornet at 1:44 AM on February 10, 2017 [3 favorites]


BBQ sauce is only good for historical fiction. It's the apple cider vinegar. It won't hold with all this modern guff.
posted by Ghidorah at 2:07 AM on February 10, 2017 [8 favorites]


As somebody who once stuck forks in each end of a hotdog, taped a piece of wire to each fork, and stuck the wires into an electrical outlet, I can confirm these hacks are genius.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 2:56 AM on February 10, 2017 [18 favorites]


sebmojo, that link made me literally weep with laughter!
posted by 1head2arms2legs at 3:53 AM on February 10, 2017


Band name list #362= Reverse Popcorn Hoodie
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 4:01 AM on February 10, 2017 [4 favorites]


See also r/shittylpt.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 4:17 AM on February 10, 2017 [2 favorites]


I don't get the problem with the spoon one? Seems like it would work great, as long as you remembered to hold the other end of the spoon with a potholder while scooping ice cream . . .
posted by chainsofreedom at 4:25 AM on February 10, 2017 [2 favorites]


chainsofreedom, I think you have never microwaved a piece of metal.

Hint: Don't.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 4:46 AM on February 10, 2017 [40 favorites]


I don't get the problem with the spoon one? Seems like it would work great, as long as you remembered to hold the other end of the spoon with a potholder while scooping ice cream . . .

You're not supposed to put metal in the microwave, as it's a potential fire hazard. However this usually applies more to forks than spoons.
posted by picklenickle at 4:49 AM on February 10, 2017 [1 favorite]


potential fire hazard OR instant homemade fireworks display.

oh, wait -
posted by lmfsilva at 5:05 AM on February 10, 2017 [2 favorites]


This feels like MetaFilter coming down with a rough case of the Facebook. Now I'm nervous that my mother will open an account here.
posted by picea at 5:13 AM on February 10, 2017 [11 favorites]


At least a couple of these are also from Obvious Plant.
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:24 AM on February 10, 2017 [2 favorites]


I'm getting ready to try the ketchup hack on the goddam David Foster Wallace short story collection I'm reading
posted by Devils Rancher at 5:26 AM on February 10, 2017 [7 favorites]


I always thought you were allowed to microwave metal so long as some bit of it is immersed in water. In the case of heating water in the microwave, I was told it provides a nucleation site and prevents super heating, so is actually recommended. The metal has to not touch the sides of the microwave though or get too close, and it's no good if there are bits of metal which are not in direct contact with the bit that's in the water.
posted by zeripath at 5:39 AM on February 10, 2017 [1 favorite]


Look, it's something someone copied wholesale from Buzzfeed, who got it from 'curating' a hashtag on twitter, tumblr and reddit!

I mean, let's be fair, they changed the order. That makes it a different list.
posted by tobascodagama at 5:40 AM on February 10, 2017 [1 favorite]


...I was told it provides a nucleation site and prevents super heating, so is actually recommended.

It need not be a metal utensil. Any other material will do, be it plastic, wood, etc.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:45 AM on February 10, 2017 [1 favorite]


That makes it a different list.

They should have pulled a Vice and actually test them. I'd accept having a serious conversation with a lawyer if an IHOP qualifies as international waters.
posted by lmfsilva at 5:49 AM on February 10, 2017 [1 favorite]


What an incredibly awful no-credit listicle this is. I don't where a bunch of these are originally from, but the oreo one is stolen from a @FoodNetwerk tweet, which I believe was written by @weedhitler
posted by Greg Nog at 5:55 AM on February 10, 2017 [5 favorites]


I don't even own socks. I just Sharpie my feet twice a week.
posted by Literaryhero at 5:56 AM on February 10, 2017 [18 favorites]


I'm saving up for the day I can just tattoo them navy and be done with it.
posted by Literaryhero at 5:57 AM on February 10, 2017 [9 favorites]


You don't own sandals, either?
posted by Kirth Gerson at 6:00 AM on February 10, 2017 [2 favorites]


I'd advise against blueing yourself.
posted by lmfsilva at 6:22 AM on February 10, 2017 [4 favorites]


LIFEHACK: METAFILTER EDITION

Want to impress strangers with your wit and insight? After you post your comment, click the plus sign after it. That makes it appear that someone other than you found your comment clever, when it was you the whole time!

BONUS LIFEHACK

Want to save the onerous $5 membership fee to post Metafilter comments? Simply join the site prior to 2002!
posted by leotrotsky at 6:26 AM on February 10, 2017 [46 favorites]


You can take that self-fave back now that I have favorited your comment, leotrotsky. Just put it through the dishwasher with a cup of vinegar and you can use it again to favorite a different comment.
posted by Rock Steady at 6:32 AM on February 10, 2017 [18 favorites]


Want to save the onerous $5 membership fee to post Metafilter comments? Simply join the site prior to 2002!

Can confirm this works.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 6:34 AM on February 10, 2017 [14 favorites]


You can take that self-fave back now that I have favorited your comment, leotrotsky. Just put it through the dishwasher with a cup of vinegar and you can use it again to favorite a different comment.

I just turn it inside-out to re-use it a second time. Good as new.
posted by leotrotsky at 6:36 AM on February 10, 2017 [9 favorites]


If you've never blacked-in fucked shoes with a pen (or painted over the rubber-bands holding the soles to the upper) then fuck you and your privilege.
posted by pompomtom at 6:42 AM on February 10, 2017 [19 favorites]


I just turn it inside-out to re-use it a second time. Good as new.

Smart. That kind of thinking will save me upwards of $0.85 on vinegar over the next couple of years.
posted by Rock Steady at 6:45 AM on February 10, 2017 [6 favorites]


I once tried to color the cat scratches on our fake leather sofa with a brown Sharpie, so yeah.
posted by Rock Steady at 6:46 AM on February 10, 2017 [4 favorites]


(Now I'm idly wondering whether the daily favorites limit applies only to "active" favorites, or if you could go take a few back that deserve to be on stronger comments.)
posted by Etrigan at 7:15 AM on February 10, 2017


That Denny's tumblr life hack is the best marketing ever.
posted by 81818181818181818181 at 8:10 AM on February 10, 2017 [3 favorites]


If you regret a favorite within 5 seconds, it totally doesn't count.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:16 AM on February 10, 2017


If you're anything like me
posted by kyrademon at 9:09 AM on February 10, 2017 [5 favorites]


Want to impress strangers with your wit and insight? After you post your comment, click the plus sign after it. That makes it appear that someone other than you found your comment clever, when it was you the whole time!

I totally checked if you favourited your own comment :-)
posted by Pendragon at 9:11 AM on February 10, 2017 [4 favorites]


Want to impress strangers with your wit and insight? After you post your comment, click the plus sign after it. That makes it appear that someone other than you found your comment clever, when it was you the whole time!

posted by leotrotsky at 9:26 AM on February 10 [14 favorites −] Favorite added! [!]


14 users marked this as a favorite:
pinothefrog February 10, 2017 12:25 PM
Emily's Fist February 10, 2017 12:21 PM
Pendragon February 10, 2017 12:10 PM
dr_dank February 10, 2017 12:08 PM
Fig February 10, 2017 11:43 AM
bonehead February 10, 2017 11:33 AM
Homeboy Trouble February 10, 2017 11:23 AM
GenjiandProust February 10, 2017 11:11 AM
81818181818181818181 February 10, 2017 11:09 AM
skycrashesdown February 10, 2017 10:13 AM
Atom Eyes February 10, 2017 10:07 AM
vanar sena February 10, 2017 10:04 AM
james33 February 10, 2017 9:37 AM
Rock Steady February 10, 2017 9:30 AM
leotrotsky February 10, 2017 9:26 AM


*kisses fingers like a chef*
posted by Emily's Fist at 9:22 AM on February 10, 2017 [8 favorites]


Want to impress strangers with your wit and insight? After you post your comment, click the plus sign after it. That makes it appear that someone other than you found your comment clever, when it was you the whole time!

- leotrotsky

In restaurants or places that have a tip jar, putting a 1 dollar bill in the jar get people to tip more often because for some reason people won't put money in an empty receptacle. It's sort of like "priming the pump".
posted by surazal at 9:51 AM on February 10, 2017 [3 favorites]


The electric iron trick? put aluminium foil over it, and you can use the iron for food AND clothing.

I AM A GENIUS.

Also, despite what Benny and Joon would have you think, the cotton setting is much better for grilled cheese than the wool setting. Did the script writer even try it first before dispensing such awful advice?
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 10:25 AM on February 10, 2017 [1 favorite]


chainsofreedom, I think you have never microwaved a piece of metal.

Hint: Don't.


Spoons don't spark and catch fire in the microwave though. You need ends for the electricity to jump from and to, like the tines of a fork, or the folds in a Capri Sun pouch (not that I speak from experience . . .)

Source: I microwave soup and rice and all kinds of stuff with a spoon in it on the regular.
posted by chainsofreedom at 10:37 AM on February 10, 2017


You microwaved a Capri Sun pouch?
posted by mochapickle at 10:49 AM on February 10, 2017 [2 favorites]


I'm going to do the poop one on what I want to be my last day at work.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 11:43 AM on February 10, 2017


I know for a fact that a sandwich wrapped in foiled paper will indeed catch on fire and burn merrily away as it revolves 'round and 'round and...

Adds a je ne sais pas woknuke-hai aroma to the sandwich.

Don't blow on it, it'll just fan the blaze. Patting it out with your hand works great, though.
posted by porpoise at 11:56 AM on February 10, 2017 [2 favorites]


See also: coffee mugs decorated with metallic paint. That'll give you a nice light show about 5 seconds in. I don't think I've ever hit the "Stop" button so fast on a microwave before or since.
posted by pianoblack at 12:02 PM on February 10, 2017 [1 favorite]


CDs are fun to microwave.

Y'all remember those, right? Compact Disks?
posted by hippybear at 12:09 PM on February 10, 2017 [1 favorite]


i remember back when chips bags were metallic, people would stick them in the microwave for a few seconds, and they would shrink into tiny little chip bags for chipmunks.
posted by bitteroldman at 12:28 PM on February 10, 2017 [1 favorite]


Look, it's something someone copied wholesale from Buzzfeed, who got it from 'curating' a hashtag on twitter, tumblr and reddit!

To be fair, pleated jeans does credit its sources, and I often use the source instead. In this case, the Buzzfeed captions added nothing and the rest of the page was really annoying.

posted by Johnny Wallflower at 1:21 PM on February 10, 2017 [5 favorites]


A great way to avoid the embarrassment of morning mouth is to sleep til noon
posted by BitterOldPunk at 1:24 PM on February 10, 2017 [6 favorites]


I do the dollar bill bookmark all the time. Bonus: get money back when you finish the book.
posted by monospace at 1:28 PM on February 10, 2017 [2 favorites]


Omg the ketchup!
posted by anya32 at 2:08 PM on February 10, 2017


I do the dollar bill bookmark all the time. Bonus: get money back when you finish the book.

I do this too, but I am both forgetful and appallingly undermotivated to finish many books, AND I live in Canada, where one- and two-dollar bills have been supplanted by equivalent coins decades ago; the smallest is now a five.

This means that if I am short of cash, I can plunder the bookshelf, riffle a bunch of pages, and typically raise twenty or thirty bucks.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 2:30 PM on February 10, 2017 [6 favorites]


You microwaved a Capri Sun pouch?

My mom used to put a bunch of Capri Suns in the freezer for our school lunches - the cold drink pouch would keep the food cool as it melted, and our drinks were liquid by lunchtime. On the Microwave Day Which I Can Neither Confirm Nor Deny Actually Happened, it was Saturday and I was thirsty right then . . .
posted by chainsofreedom at 2:53 PM on February 10, 2017


Ah! I was thinking you'd tried to make gluhwein. Tropical gluhwein.

New hot hack!
posted by mochapickle at 3:19 PM on February 10, 2017 [2 favorites]


We did the powerbrick one at uni during the deadline frenzy of "submissions close at 5:59am, it's only 4:30am so clearly I can write the remaining three pages and check all my references in that time if I don't get up at all for anything ever, ha ha!". It only works with certain kinds of pastry. Something like a Cornish pasty works well if you find the flattest one possible because of the crust; other kinds of pies only work if you find the right cookie cutter to ring it and stop the top brick from crushing it. Flakier/bigger stuff like in the picture doesn't work quite so well since you risk it getting melted/squished out the sides.

If your bricks run really hot because you're trying to render forty layers in Photoshop or stress-playing games on ultra settings, don't use the plastic ones, they melt and ruin everything. The very best ones are the ones with metal cores and silicone over the top and bottom edges. Pricier and not that great for actual cookies, but so worth it for power supply baking.

None of this is to say it's not terrible advice, for the record.
posted by E. Whitehall at 3:21 PM on February 10, 2017 [2 favorites]


This feels like MetaFilter coming down with a rough case of the Facebook. Now I'm nervous that my mother will open an account here.

You seem certain she hasn't, dear.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 4:42 PM on February 10, 2017 [7 favorites]


And son - your mother and I think it's time you found a job.
posted by Chrysostom at 5:46 PM on February 10, 2017 [4 favorites]


Is it wrong that I know you can warm potato chips in a microwave oven but that if you heat them for too long they will catch on fire?
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 5:55 PM on February 10, 2017 [1 favorite]


I think what's really wrong is the notion of warming up potato chips.
posted by hippybear at 6:14 PM on February 10, 2017 [5 favorites]


(hippybear: Someone's never had potato chips fresh from a fryer, perhaps?)
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 6:48 PM on February 10, 2017


Either Insert Clever Name Here is British or something, and means what Americans refer to as french fries, or ICNH is a sociopath, and should be shunned. Either way, fresh from a fryer != fresh from a microwave.
posted by axiom at 8:37 PM on February 10, 2017 [6 favorites]


Well, potato chips are made in fryers, aren't they? You can even make them at home, so it's entirely plausible that ICNH has eaten them hot from the fryer, even if it isn't a common experience. And microwaving can somewhat revive stale chips (but not french fries).
posted by Kirth Gerson at 5:54 AM on February 11, 2017




The coffee thing would probably actually work. We used to boil water in paper cups on a bed of coals in a campfire...
posted by HuronBob at 8:11 AM on February 11, 2017


More stupid lifehacks.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:32 PM on February 21, 2017 [1 favorite]


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