Participating in his own Irish wake, filled with love
June 5, 2017 10:30 AM Subscribe
Two days before he was scheduled to die, John Shields roused in his hospice bed with an unusual idea. He wanted to organize an Irish wake for himself. It would be old-fashioned with music and booze, except for one notable detail — he would be present...Mr. Shields believed that dying openly and without fear could be his most meaningful legacy — which was saying something. The man had packed five lifetimes of service into one: He had been a civil rights activist, a social worker for children, the head of British Columbia’s biggest union and, most recently, the savior of a floundering land trust that included 7,191 acres of protected wilderness and historic properties.
At His Own Wake, Celebrating Life and the Gift of Death (Catherine Porter, NYT)
Victoria Times Colonist: Labour leader John Shields mourned as pillar of social justice
Information about the Province of British Columbia's Medical Assistance in Dying (MAiD) services
Canada's physician-assisted dying legislation previously on MeFi: (1), (2)
Victoria Times Colonist: Labour leader John Shields mourned as pillar of social justice
Information about the Province of British Columbia's Medical Assistance in Dying (MAiD) services
Canada's physician-assisted dying legislation previously on MeFi: (1), (2)
NYT podcast "The Daily" had a piece about John Shields and his death. Such a heartbreaking and beautiful story.
posted by jgaiser at 10:57 AM on June 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by jgaiser at 10:57 AM on June 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
Catherine Porter is a gorgeous writer.
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 11:03 AM on June 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 11:03 AM on June 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
Mr. Shield has now introduced me to The Subject Tonight Is Love and I am very grateful to him for it, wherever he is now. It was exactly what I needed at this moment.
posted by anastasiav at 11:28 AM on June 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by anastasiav at 11:28 AM on June 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
Since we're here, let me share the following story whose heart-ripping tableau was presented in my paper recently in the context of the first year of California's assisted suicide law:
California woman with ALS holds party for friends, family before ending her life.
Betsy Davis was 41.
..
posted by Ogre Lawless at 11:56 AM on June 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
California woman with ALS holds party for friends, family before ending her life.
Betsy Davis was 41.
..
posted by Ogre Lawless at 11:56 AM on June 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
Gah, this was beautiful to read. Thank you for sharing it.
I selfishly hope that this is available closer to me by the time my time is up. My final wake would be much trashier, though. Chocolate cake made from a box mix, 80s music, roaming dogs and cats, cheap wine and beer.
posted by kimberussell at 11:59 AM on June 5, 2017 [5 favorites]
I selfishly hope that this is available closer to me by the time my time is up. My final wake would be much trashier, though. Chocolate cake made from a box mix, 80s music, roaming dogs and cats, cheap wine and beer.
posted by kimberussell at 11:59 AM on June 5, 2017 [5 favorites]
The Sunday NYT prints a half a dozen letters to the editor every Sunday. Usually, regarding Trump, climate change, and the usual subjects, readers are of one mind about a subject. This time, though, responding to the lengthy article the previous sunday about John Shields, opinion was evenly split. This topic is contentious among doctors and non-doctors. The slippery slope argument, as well as cases in which doctor-assisted death is used (in Northern Europe, esp.) for mental conditions, are pretty emotional issues for a lot of people.
Shields' case, though, was not one of those ambiguous ones.
posted by kozad at 12:27 PM on June 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
Shields' case, though, was not one of those ambiguous ones.
posted by kozad at 12:27 PM on June 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
My FiL died a couple of weeks ago. I don't think he would have gone for quite the same style event, but his wake was loud enough and full enough to demonstrate to all family and visitors that he was a man who left no regrets behind.
In the weeks before, I took my kids to their first wake (for someone else's grandpa, in fact). I explained that wakes generally went two ways: quiet and somber, or loud and lively. I said I want to live a life where my wake is a loud, full room, with people exchanging stories and laughing at all the memories.
In my FiL's case, there were fireman on either side of his casket throughout the wake -- and then three fire trucks plus the police chief in his procession the next day. There were neighbors and former co-workers and family and friends, politicians and students and nuns, the Scoutmaster who took over for him and his own childhood Scoutmaster (who we guessed must have been 95 himself!). In the adjoining room, a crowd gathered around a big TV watching a looped slideshow of pictures from his 75 years, laughing at themselves and sighing at days past. We figure a good 500 people from this small Rhode Island town came to the wake, and more contacted us in the days following his obituary.
It wasn't exactly an Irish wake, but it was definitely a celebration. I think my FiL and Mr. Shields both got a better send-off than many do.
posted by wenestvedt at 1:23 PM on June 5, 2017 [4 favorites]
In the weeks before, I took my kids to their first wake (for someone else's grandpa, in fact). I explained that wakes generally went two ways: quiet and somber, or loud and lively. I said I want to live a life where my wake is a loud, full room, with people exchanging stories and laughing at all the memories.
In my FiL's case, there were fireman on either side of his casket throughout the wake -- and then three fire trucks plus the police chief in his procession the next day. There were neighbors and former co-workers and family and friends, politicians and students and nuns, the Scoutmaster who took over for him and his own childhood Scoutmaster (who we guessed must have been 95 himself!). In the adjoining room, a crowd gathered around a big TV watching a looped slideshow of pictures from his 75 years, laughing at themselves and sighing at days past. We figure a good 500 people from this small Rhode Island town came to the wake, and more contacted us in the days following his obituary.
It wasn't exactly an Irish wake, but it was definitely a celebration. I think my FiL and Mr. Shields both got a better send-off than many do.
posted by wenestvedt at 1:23 PM on June 5, 2017 [4 favorites]
When I read this article, this is the soundtrack that immediately started playing in my head.
Enter the Haggis
I come from a family that's too somber to even use the term "wake". But I think it would be better to have a heck of a party.
posted by elizilla at 2:32 PM on June 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
Enter the Haggis
I come from a family that's too somber to even use the term "wake". But I think it would be better to have a heck of a party.
posted by elizilla at 2:32 PM on June 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
This was so beautiful. I wish that everyone could have this experience at the end of life.
My grandmother (Nanny) did something similar last October, but without the benefit of Medical Assistance in Dying.
She was 94, and was having increasing difficulty speaking, eating, and drinking due to a growth in her lung that was pressing on her esophagus. She had a feeding tube for a few months but she hated the feeling and could not stand to be around anyone eating. Her mind was fully functional, and one day she gathered her 9 children and told them she just couldn't take it anymore and wanted to enter hospice. She actually wanted to say goodbye, have someone drop her off at the in-patient facility, and "take something" to go to sleep forever.
Once she actually met with the amazing people from hospice, they explained that they could make her as comfortable as possible, and she could stop nutrition in order to accelerate her decline.
The next two weeks were an extended living wake. All of her children, 27 grandchildren, and 5 great-grandchildren spent time with her. We ate dinner together every night, and Nanny was able to sit at the table for hours every day, enjoying the company, occasionally getting out a few words written on a whiteboard, and laughing along with us. The hospice nurses visited regularly to help with medications, and friends also stopped in with food and drinks.
3 days before she died, she wrote out her wishes for a funeral and obituary. My favorite part was "No big doings".
In the last 2 days she couldn't make it out to the table anymore. The hospice nurse let us know when it seemed like we were down to hours, and all of her children and 5 of us grandchildren stayed up into the night, surrounding her in her room and hanging on her last breaths. My cousin has a beautiful voice and sang some of Nanny's favorite songs.
It was hard to watch her decay that way, and it would have been so much less painful for her to be able to take a pill and go to sleep. I do treasure those 2 weeks that we had with her though, and I wish that everyone could be lucky enough to have such a wonderful sendoff.
posted by elvissa at 2:42 PM on June 5, 2017 [5 favorites]
My grandmother (Nanny) did something similar last October, but without the benefit of Medical Assistance in Dying.
She was 94, and was having increasing difficulty speaking, eating, and drinking due to a growth in her lung that was pressing on her esophagus. She had a feeding tube for a few months but she hated the feeling and could not stand to be around anyone eating. Her mind was fully functional, and one day she gathered her 9 children and told them she just couldn't take it anymore and wanted to enter hospice. She actually wanted to say goodbye, have someone drop her off at the in-patient facility, and "take something" to go to sleep forever.
Once she actually met with the amazing people from hospice, they explained that they could make her as comfortable as possible, and she could stop nutrition in order to accelerate her decline.
The next two weeks were an extended living wake. All of her children, 27 grandchildren, and 5 great-grandchildren spent time with her. We ate dinner together every night, and Nanny was able to sit at the table for hours every day, enjoying the company, occasionally getting out a few words written on a whiteboard, and laughing along with us. The hospice nurses visited regularly to help with medications, and friends also stopped in with food and drinks.
3 days before she died, she wrote out her wishes for a funeral and obituary. My favorite part was "No big doings".
In the last 2 days she couldn't make it out to the table anymore. The hospice nurse let us know when it seemed like we were down to hours, and all of her children and 5 of us grandchildren stayed up into the night, surrounding her in her room and hanging on her last breaths. My cousin has a beautiful voice and sang some of Nanny's favorite songs.
It was hard to watch her decay that way, and it would have been so much less painful for her to be able to take a pill and go to sleep. I do treasure those 2 weeks that we had with her though, and I wish that everyone could be lucky enough to have such a wonderful sendoff.
posted by elvissa at 2:42 PM on June 5, 2017 [5 favorites]
Thanks to all who have shared stories of your loved ones' final days and memorials...I wish everyone could have as peaceful and loving a send off as John Shields.
If you haven't watched the video that is part of the article, I really recommend it. It's very moving.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 4:04 PM on June 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
If you haven't watched the video that is part of the article, I really recommend it. It's very moving.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 4:04 PM on June 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
Those hospice people are... I choke up thinking about what they did for us and for my FiL. Bless 'em.
posted by wenestvedt at 8:35 PM on June 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by wenestvedt at 8:35 PM on June 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
I hope I get it easy. Just went to a memorial for a friend with COPD. I have it as well. I'm not in to lingering.
posted by Goofyy at 5:08 AM on June 6, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Goofyy at 5:08 AM on June 6, 2017 [1 favorite]
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fucking dusty in here.
posted by lalochezia at 10:53 AM on June 5, 2017 [2 favorites]