This alpaca will attend your Japanese wedding
June 17, 2017 1:35 AM   Subscribe

Any Mefites looking to escape Trumplandia interested in a fat, 40-year-old Canadian bride? Will trade destination wedding with Alpaca for Family Class sponsorship.
posted by jacquilynne at 1:57 AM on June 17 [17 favorites]


look at his sparkly bow tie

what a good alpaca
posted by Hermione Granger at 2:01 AM on June 17 [25 favorites]

That being said, if you are considering having a four-legged friend join you at the altar, remember that you invite an alpaca into your wedding at your own risk; they are, after all, wild animals, and the possibility – however remote – of abrupt projectile defecation

abrupt projectile defecation

Is this true about Alpacas?
posted by sammyo at 3:30 AM on June 17

Hey now, not just Alpacas.
posted by leotrotsky at 4:23 AM on June 17 [18 favorites]

For USians, you can have llamas with top hats as wedding guests.

I have one of these babies on each arm , based off of my wedding stationery. (Here's my cake topper, just because it's adorable)

So yeah. Had I know about this option 5ish years ago, I would have been all over having some dapper llamas, alpacas, vicunas, guanacos, etx make an appearance.
posted by Fig at 4:41 AM on June 17 [13 favorites]

I guess, if this option had been available at the little chapel in Vegas where I got married, I would have been like, Sure, why not? That's how they sold me on the carnation bouquet. It could have stood next to the limo driver and the photographer (we eloped and didn't have anyone we knew come).
posted by jenjenc at 4:57 AM on June 17 [1 favorite]

Many years ago I taught Elvis Perkins to knit. He calls me "the alpaca queen" in deference to my knitting skills. This has led to a small alpaca collection and my friends texting me when alpacas are in the news.

What I'm saying is, I think Gentleman Caller and I should elope to Japan.
posted by pxe2000 at 5:27 AM on June 17

How does one say "SHUT UP AND TAKE OUR MONEY" in Japanese?
posted by ocschwar at 5:31 AM on June 17 [1 favorite]

Damatte okane o toru.
"Take your money silently."
posted by detachd at 5:38 AM on June 17 [22 favorites]

Every few years I seem to read an article about some poor hobby farmer getting castrated by an angry llama, but I agree that alpacas and llamas are cute and fluffy.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:48 AM on June 17

Alpacas are super cute, but not particularly friendly, and like a lot of livestock poop where they like. So, yeah, I would be cautious.
posted by suelac at 7:20 AM on June 17 [1 favorite]

I'm going to have to send this to my mom. The bridesmaid at her wedding was a donkey named Dolly.
posted by atom128 at 8:34 AM on June 17 [5 favorites]

The sidebar links on this website...oh man!

  • You don’t want to mess with this bad-boy alpaca Oh, and in Japan "yankee" is code for "bad boy." Of course it is.

  • Who wants to get married at an arcade? Hasn't happened yet, but they'd like to do one.

  • Elaborate prison wedding. Groom is in his "chic" uniform.

  • The broccoli wedding bouquet toss-Japan’s quirky substitute for the garter belt

  • Tokyo wedding chapel to host marriage ceremony so fans can marry their VR anime girl crushes Oh, Japan.

  • Otaku husbands and their cardboard, dating simulator waifus share photos of their newlywed bliss Oh god, they are seriously showing a dude humping cardboard.

  • A heartwarming tale of mistaken Japanese train groping Um, WHAT? "‘Damn you,’ I thought to myself, ‘My beautiful body may be smooth and slick, like a white dolphin, but don’t you dare think you’ll get away with making it your plaything!’”.... Spoiler alert: it was a small foreign boy vrooming his car up and down the guy's leg. "so I closed my eyes and became the highway.”

  • Japanese women’s breasts continue to grow, reach historic tipping point in lingerie maker’s study

  • Do a woman’s breasts weigh more than a Persian kitten? Handy chart from Japan lets you know

  • "The H Tent leaves open the possibility of mating with your tentmates."

  • Kyoto company starts “Solo Wedding” service for single women who want to be brides for the day

  • posted by jenfullmoon at 8:58 AM on June 17 [3 favorites]

    Alpacas are super cute, but not particularly friendly, and like a lot of livestock poop where they like. So, yeah, I would be cautious.

    Some are friendly! I lived next door to an alpaca farm and most of them were skittish, one of them would come up to you if you offered him grass through the fence and accede to being petted allll the way down its neck.
    posted by BungaDunga at 9:19 AM on June 17 [4 favorites]

    Priest: "I now pronounce you Man and Alpaca"
    Bride: "Wah?"
    Alpaca: *smug look*
    posted by sebastienbailard at 9:34 AM on June 17 [11 favorites]

    For funerals, of course, you need a penguin.
    posted by Segundus at 10:34 AM on June 17 [6 favorites]

    you can have llamas with top hats as wedding guests.

    Llamas with hats! Nothing can go wrong with this plan.
    posted by los pantalones del muerte at 11:12 AM on June 17 [3 favorites]

    Alpaca: *smug look*

    I wasn't aware that alpacas were capable of any other kind of look.
    posted by klanawa at 11:42 AM on June 17 [4 favorites]

    eat your food Tina.
    posted by shockingbluamp at 2:31 PM on June 17 [2 favorites]

    That's some serious floof on that Alpaca. It may have spent more time preparing than the bride.
    posted by tommasz at 5:14 PM on June 17 [1 favorite]

    They're all good alpacas...
    posted by Cocodrillo at 6:40 PM on June 17

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