“...he used all my Guardian Arrows shooting at Bokoblins. ”
July 23, 2017 10:04 PM Subscribe
My Son Has Ruined Zelda: Breath Of The Wild by Mark Serrels [Kotaku] “A few details before I go into precisely how my son is ruining my Zelda game. A few answers to questions I suspect you might ask. Firstly why is my son playing Zelda? I dunno. It just happened and now it keeps happening. Secondly, why is he playing my game and not his own game? Simple answer: I’ve got all the cool power-ups and the cool weapons. His chances of actually inching his way through and earning those rewards at four years old are at monkeys writing Shakespeare odds at this point. Thirdly, why do I keep letting this happen? Love, ladies and Gentlemen. Love.”
Don’t have kids.
Done. That was easy.
So, no child is ever going anywhere near my Switch unless they've broken into my home, but I do like that the Switch interface makes it easy to keep users' saved games entirely separate.
posted by asperity at 10:12 PM on July 23, 2017 [4 favorites]
Done. That was easy.
So, no child is ever going anywhere near my Switch unless they've broken into my home, but I do like that the Switch interface makes it easy to keep users' saved games entirely separate.
posted by asperity at 10:12 PM on July 23, 2017 [4 favorites]
I most definitely (with my sister) used up most of the hard-earned inventory of power-ups my older cousins had built up in a Mario game. I still feel guilty.
posted by Peter B-S at 10:25 PM on July 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Peter B-S at 10:25 PM on July 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
I play a stupid android game called Ballz. A good game of Ballz can last me several days, because as you go through the levels, you get more ballz to shoot and they take a much longer time to all bounce through the obstacles. A good game of Ballz, however, can be lost in mere seconds by my 4-year-old niece, who thinks that if you just fire the ballz up straight up at the nearest obstacle, that's perfectly good strategy.
Just in case anyone thought this was only a problem for SRS GAMERS.
posted by jacquilynne at 10:33 PM on July 23, 2017 [5 favorites]
Just in case anyone thought this was only a problem for SRS GAMERS.
posted by jacquilynne at 10:33 PM on July 23, 2017 [5 favorites]
And ladies and gentlemen, this is why I got my kid her own Xbox account yeeeeeears ago and convinced her it was way cooler to play on her own profile so she can see all her cool achievements.
posted by corb at 10:55 PM on July 23, 2017 [11 favorites]
posted by corb at 10:55 PM on July 23, 2017 [11 favorites]
From the rockpapershotgun comments about this article:
I remember quite distinctly absolutely demolishing my Dad's Civilization savegame when I was about 7. I mean how could I not play? He had bombers, and aircraft carriers and all sorts of cool stuff while my save was still puttering around in the middle ages.posted by straight at 11:03 PM on July 23, 2017 [144 favorites]
He got his revenge almost 30 years later though when we were playing Civ V online supposedly as allies. He quietly built a massive nuclear arsenal, and flattened me in a single turn. As the nukes my indignant sputtering and cursing over the skype call was responded to with: "Never forget March of 88. A day that will live in infamy."
"Just in case anyone thought this was only a problem for SRS GAMERS."
I play casual phone games where you earn rare premium currency (that they otherwise want you to pay for, $3.99 for 100 bux or whatever) and so I'll slowly build up 100 bux of game currency over two weeks of completing stupid, tedious tasks so that I can get the Big Important Powerup that will make the whole game faster or unlock some cool thing and I'll be at like 92 bux, let my 8-year-old play for like 30 seconds, and when he hands it back I'm like, "NO! WHY DID YOU -- !" and he's bought all the in-game rabbits hats or some other cosmetic shit for 20 bux each and I am BROKE.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:08 PM on July 23, 2017 [22 favorites]
I play casual phone games where you earn rare premium currency (that they otherwise want you to pay for, $3.99 for 100 bux or whatever) and so I'll slowly build up 100 bux of game currency over two weeks of completing stupid, tedious tasks so that I can get the Big Important Powerup that will make the whole game faster or unlock some cool thing and I'll be at like 92 bux, let my 8-year-old play for like 30 seconds, and when he hands it back I'm like, "NO! WHY DID YOU -- !" and he's bought all the in-game rabbits hats or some other cosmetic shit for 20 bux each and I am BROKE.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:08 PM on July 23, 2017 [22 favorites]
I thought I was salty cause my 4 year old occasionally uses what feels like an excessive amount of poke balls throwing them around all willy nilly. And then makes me name all my pokes "Pikachu". Yes it is confusing but it's also pretty funny.
I guess I have it pretty good. My kid doesn't know how to turn on the TV and I intend to keep it that way.
posted by potrzebie at 11:08 PM on July 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
I guess I have it pretty good. My kid doesn't know how to turn on the TV and I intend to keep it that way.
posted by potrzebie at 11:08 PM on July 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
In which my nephew let creepers blow the shit out of my main building in Minecraft. I learned to make backup copies of my save games that day.
(It was a shitty building, but still!)
posted by dirigibleman at 11:12 PM on July 23, 2017 [2 favorites]
(It was a shitty building, but still!)
posted by dirigibleman at 11:12 PM on July 23, 2017 [2 favorites]
Kids are an ongoing lesson in the impermanence of all things.
posted by a snickering nuthatch at 11:30 PM on July 23, 2017 [33 favorites]
posted by a snickering nuthatch at 11:30 PM on July 23, 2017 [33 favorites]
Including, when they move out, the impermanence of impermanence.
posted by No-sword at 11:49 PM on July 23, 2017 [9 favorites]
posted by No-sword at 11:49 PM on July 23, 2017 [9 favorites]
Luckily, I got my son hooked on Spelunky instead, which is already brutal and you die and lose everything constantly anyway, so there's nothing for him to ruin.
The only problem comes when he wants to play Overwatch, which I have on the PS4 as well (luckily). I have to let him on my account because it's the only one with a PSPlus and therefore the ability to play online. After almost a year of this, though, he's learned the menus well enough that I don't have to start the game for him after I enter the passcode to unlock the account, and he also has learned to navigate the maps enough to not get booted for inactivity every two minutes and require assistance getting back in.
(He's only allowed to play Vs AI on Easy mode, because even five complete morons can manage that fight without his dubious assistance, and I don't want him to get my username banned for griefing or something. He mostly plays Bastion and transforms back and forth. Kid loves robots.)
posted by Scattercat at 11:55 PM on July 23, 2017 [2 favorites]
The only problem comes when he wants to play Overwatch, which I have on the PS4 as well (luckily). I have to let him on my account because it's the only one with a PSPlus and therefore the ability to play online. After almost a year of this, though, he's learned the menus well enough that I don't have to start the game for him after I enter the passcode to unlock the account, and he also has learned to navigate the maps enough to not get booted for inactivity every two minutes and require assistance getting back in.
(He's only allowed to play Vs AI on Easy mode, because even five complete morons can manage that fight without his dubious assistance, and I don't want him to get my username banned for griefing or something. He mostly plays Bastion and transforms back and forth. Kid loves robots.)
posted by Scattercat at 11:55 PM on July 23, 2017 [2 favorites]
I've taken the opposite tact - and let my baby cousin Khloe play as much as she wants with my Zelda account. I've super loaded up with upgrades and armour and there's not much damage she can do. But she LOVES riding the white princess horse around the Hylian country side - feeding the horse apples, dying it's mane purple and pink... Link even has a special pink outfit he wears on for the Princess Horse riding adventures they go on.. And since the horse is so powered up, it's basically immune to all monsters except Lynels and Gaurdians, which if you stick to the road, you don't really run into. She can't read yet, so I don't haven't told her that I named her Special Princess Horse "Steak"
posted by helmutdog at 12:07 AM on July 24, 2017 [51 favorites]
posted by helmutdog at 12:07 AM on July 24, 2017 [51 favorites]
My 5yo LOVES factoryidle, and especially loves the game I've sweated over for months because it's got almost all the cool powerups. Fortunately, the way the game increases difficulty in exponential jumps meant we arrived at a decent compromise, where the gigafactory is optimized to within an inch of its life and Is Left Alone, and he can do pretty much whatever he wants in the other factories without impacting the overall game too much - he doesn't quite have the patience to set up a proper drone factory or something which would really have a big impact.
He also loves really big numbers and gets super excited about the idea of making A QUINTILLION DOLLARS.
oh god what have i created..
posted by doop at 1:01 AM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
He also loves really big numbers and gets super excited about the idea of making A QUINTILLION DOLLARS.
oh god what have i created..
posted by doop at 1:01 AM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
(Also, it's quite a while since we switched from me getting annoyed with him interfering with my grand designs in minecraft, to him getting annoyed with me interfering in his.)
posted by doop at 1:02 AM on July 24, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by doop at 1:02 AM on July 24, 2017 [5 favorites]
Weirdly some of my best rounds in my Sarah's Jenner in Mechwarrior Online have been with my six yo sebmojita driving while i pointed the guns.
posted by Sebmojo at 1:03 AM on July 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Sebmojo at 1:03 AM on July 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
I would love to go into game development just to be able to create games for my 2-yo and 4-yo nieces. Games that don't require fine motor skills, complex reasoning or hours of trial and error. Imagine the most gratuitous games where fun! things! happen! on! the! screen! and you win! all the gold! and diamonds! by clicking around. Basically a gamified keyboard and mouse lock. And oh, you should be able to make princesses fart.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 1:28 AM on July 24, 2017 [16 favorites]
posted by Foci for Analysis at 1:28 AM on July 24, 2017 [16 favorites]
Metafilter: you should be able to make princesses fart
posted by Joey Michaels at 1:30 AM on July 24, 2017 [8 favorites]
posted by Joey Michaels at 1:30 AM on July 24, 2017 [8 favorites]
Just as an aside, if you have a youngish child and need a game with some of the elements of Breath of the Wild, I recommend the game "Yonder: The Cloud Catcher Chronicles" which, despite the clunky name, is beautiful and totally kid-friendly. Particularly funny is a little island full of trolls who speak in quotes from people who didn't like the game because there are no weapons and you can't die.
posted by pipeski at 2:16 AM on July 24, 2017 [12 favorites]
posted by pipeski at 2:16 AM on July 24, 2017 [12 favorites]
This is why it's so important to log the hours of playing nethack and dwarf fortress so the little ones think you're doing something boring.
And if they fuss, just direct all that youthful energy into EVE Online.
posted by sebastienbailard at 2:48 AM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
And if they fuss, just direct all that youthful energy into EVE Online.
posted by sebastienbailard at 2:48 AM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
My kid doesn't know how to turn on the TV and I intend to keep it that way.
You will be disappointed.
posted by GhostintheMachine at 3:02 AM on July 24, 2017 [9 favorites]
You will be disappointed.
posted by GhostintheMachine at 3:02 AM on July 24, 2017 [9 favorites]
Why don't you just copy your save to SD card and then let him go nuts and ... oh wait yeah, it's Nintendo. If your Switch dies your game is gone.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 3:03 AM on July 24, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by GallonOfAlan at 3:03 AM on July 24, 2017 [4 favorites]
I have to let him on my account because it's the only one with a PSPlus and therefore the ability to play online.Unless they’ve changed something in the past few days, you only need one account on a PS4 with PS Plus for every account on the console to play online.
posted by DoctorFedora at 3:04 AM on July 24, 2017
@DoctorFedora
Yep, that remains the case and there would be riots if they changed it!
However if an account was set up as a sub-account for a child it may be restricted in terms of online access, or restricted as to the age level of online content.
They did recently add the ability to change the sub-account to a master account though.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 3:08 AM on July 24, 2017
Yep, that remains the case and there would be riots if they changed it!
However if an account was set up as a sub-account for a child it may be restricted in terms of online access, or restricted as to the age level of online content.
They did recently add the ability to change the sub-account to a master account though.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 3:08 AM on July 24, 2017
Steam kinda sucka for discovering games, particularly kids' games, so I appreciate the recommendation, pipeski!
posted by Foci for Analysis at 3:11 AM on July 24, 2017
posted by Foci for Analysis at 3:11 AM on July 24, 2017
Basically a gamified keyboard and mouse lock. And oh, you should be able to make princesses fart.
!
brb making this game
posted by satoshi at 4:44 AM on July 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
!
brb making this game
posted by satoshi at 4:44 AM on July 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
I used to be a voracious reader. I turned into a computer gaming addict when I was nursing my son. The reason was because he nursed for hours every day - big chunky baby, not on solids - and he was active as he nursed. He kicked and he batted his arms around, which meant he would kick the book I was trying to read while I nursed him, which tended to cause me to lose my place. So instead I switched to Civ because he could only hit me in the elbows and didn't make me hit the wrong key. I also immediately had to switch to drinking my tea tepid in those days because he used to hit my mug when I tried to take gulp and we both got slopped on a lot.
Anyway, by the time the little guy could sit up, he knew that life involved sitting in front of a computer for hours every day. Since he was visually impaired it soon meant he was leaning over the keyboard with his nose about four inches from the computer screen and all his weight on the mouse. In our household a mouse that survived three months was doing well.
His first love was World of Warcraft, back in the day when it was not an on-line multiplayer game. It was a single player game, you against the computer. And he was no match for the AI because he was all of three, so he wanted to play it with cheats. This meant that his Dad or I had to get up every ten or twenty minutes or so to top up the hundred thousand gold pieces and thousand troops or weaponized vehicles that he had just used up, by typing in the cheat codes that gave you new ones. Over and over. Pretty soon we got too lazy to do this.
This is how he became literate. The cheat code for the gold was "Glittering Prizes": Me, screaming from the next room while nursing his baby sister, without a keyboard in front of me, "G -middle row! L - middle row! I - top row! T - top row! T again! E - top row! R - top row!..."
posted by Jane the Brown at 4:49 AM on July 24, 2017 [34 favorites]
Anyway, by the time the little guy could sit up, he knew that life involved sitting in front of a computer for hours every day. Since he was visually impaired it soon meant he was leaning over the keyboard with his nose about four inches from the computer screen and all his weight on the mouse. In our household a mouse that survived three months was doing well.
His first love was World of Warcraft, back in the day when it was not an on-line multiplayer game. It was a single player game, you against the computer. And he was no match for the AI because he was all of three, so he wanted to play it with cheats. This meant that his Dad or I had to get up every ten or twenty minutes or so to top up the hundred thousand gold pieces and thousand troops or weaponized vehicles that he had just used up, by typing in the cheat codes that gave you new ones. Over and over. Pretty soon we got too lazy to do this.
This is how he became literate. The cheat code for the gold was "Glittering Prizes": Me, screaming from the next room while nursing his baby sister, without a keyboard in front of me, "G -middle row! L - middle row! I - top row! T - top row! T again! E - top row! R - top row!..."
posted by Jane the Brown at 4:49 AM on July 24, 2017 [34 favorites]
jacquilynne: Just in case anyone thought this was only a problem for SRS GAMERS.
Eyebrows McGee: he's bought all the in-game rabbits hats or some other cosmetic shit for 20 bux each and I am BROKE.
My almost 6 year old is like this with any freemium app. "Little light thief, why are the gems all gone?" "I wanted to see what the next dino looked like!" "But you could have waited an hour and seen for free!" "But now I know what it looks like."
(The worst part is that I'm playing because of him, and now I'm semi-hooked on getting All The Prehistoric Creatures. Luckily, the game is poorly designed, so now it's just tedium of collecting gems, which bores little light thief.)
posted by filthy light thief at 5:01 AM on July 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
Eyebrows McGee: he's bought all the in-game rabbits hats or some other cosmetic shit for 20 bux each and I am BROKE.
My almost 6 year old is like this with any freemium app. "Little light thief, why are the gems all gone?" "I wanted to see what the next dino looked like!" "But you could have waited an hour and seen for free!" "But now I know what it looks like."
(The worst part is that I'm playing because of him, and now I'm semi-hooked on getting All The Prehistoric Creatures. Luckily, the game is poorly designed, so now it's just tedium of collecting gems, which bores little light thief.)
posted by filthy light thief at 5:01 AM on July 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
Mine does this with Lego.
Me: Hey look at this neat spaceship I built.
Him: [Flies around for a couple of minutes] Whoa looks like an engine failure, it's going down into Lego City, look out!!
He now does it with Minecraft too.
Me: Hey look at this neat castle I built!
Him: I tried to build a TNT cannon on top but it malfunctioned, sorry about that!
posted by carter at 5:10 AM on July 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
Me: Hey look at this neat spaceship I built.
Him: [Flies around for a couple of minutes] Whoa looks like an engine failure, it's going down into Lego City, look out!!
He now does it with Minecraft too.
Me: Hey look at this neat castle I built!
Him: I tried to build a TNT cannon on top but it malfunctioned, sorry about that!
posted by carter at 5:10 AM on July 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
It isn't just games, it's streaming services too. My Apple TV and Hulu recommendations and "up next" selections are completely honkered. I only just got Netflix un-fucked about a year ago by straight-up demanding everyone have their own profiles, and I'm still in the process of getting my wife and my kids off my Hulu queue.
I also had to disable cellular data for music on my iPhone. Evidently my wife bought seventeen Christmas choral albums, and my car stereo launches iTunes at random if it's not sure what to play, so it starts playing Robert Shaw carols in 103F July heat. Thank god for Spotify's family plan.
My favorite outdoor chair? A child sits in it before I can, or if I get there first, hovers over me and tries to come up with reasons to get me out of it. Paracord I keep on hand for projects? In two-foot lengths all over my son's room. I hide Ben & Jerry's pints in the deep freeze.
I used to think my dad was supremely disciplined for getting up before dawn and not complaining about going into the office during off hours. Now I understand his discovery: Those are the times when nobody's in your stuff or taking your controller or asking you for things.
Even so, I also see him now, practically tripping over himself to do stuff for us, to continue to provide and be useful to us. I tease him about Stockholm Syndrome, but I'm weirdly comforted by the thought that that will be me one day too.
posted by middleclasstool at 5:19 AM on July 24, 2017 [20 favorites]
I also had to disable cellular data for music on my iPhone. Evidently my wife bought seventeen Christmas choral albums, and my car stereo launches iTunes at random if it's not sure what to play, so it starts playing Robert Shaw carols in 103F July heat. Thank god for Spotify's family plan.
My favorite outdoor chair? A child sits in it before I can, or if I get there first, hovers over me and tries to come up with reasons to get me out of it. Paracord I keep on hand for projects? In two-foot lengths all over my son's room. I hide Ben & Jerry's pints in the deep freeze.
I used to think my dad was supremely disciplined for getting up before dawn and not complaining about going into the office during off hours. Now I understand his discovery: Those are the times when nobody's in your stuff or taking your controller or asking you for things.
Even so, I also see him now, practically tripping over himself to do stuff for us, to continue to provide and be useful to us. I tease him about Stockholm Syndrome, but I'm weirdly comforted by the thought that that will be me one day too.
posted by middleclasstool at 5:19 AM on July 24, 2017 [20 favorites]
I foolishly allowed my lil creatures access to my Breath of the Wild save a couple months ago. They've been taking turns with it ever since. I haven't even dared to look at it..I'm sure my inventory is a complete wasteland at this point.
posted by Doleful Creature at 6:20 AM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Doleful Creature at 6:20 AM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
No Son of Mine Plays Oregon Trail Like That
posted by Cranialtorque at 6:31 AM on July 24, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by Cranialtorque at 6:31 AM on July 24, 2017 [5 favorites]
Wait, this guy has a kid, and he can play video games?
When she's four, will I actually be able to play video games again?
Oh, that would be nice.
posted by Naberius at 6:34 AM on July 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
When she's four, will I actually be able to play video games again?
Oh, that would be nice.
posted by Naberius at 6:34 AM on July 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
he's bought all the in-game rabbits hats or some other cosmetic shit for 20 bux each and I am BROKE.
My niece and her grandma play Neko Atsume on *different* iPads. It's better that way.
I do think it might be teaching her about delayed gratification, because she does (usually ... sometimes) manage to save up to get whatever cat toy she's fixated on at the moment.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:41 AM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
My niece and her grandma play Neko Atsume on *different* iPads. It's better that way.
I do think it might be teaching her about delayed gratification, because she does (usually ... sometimes) manage to save up to get whatever cat toy she's fixated on at the moment.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:41 AM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
One: It is maybe three years ago, so eldest is seven. I am playing Minecraft, my precious and eternal Smin Valley Recurrence seed. (I know, I am weird that way... I find what I like and stick with it... This fucking Minecraft seed is my second home, and around spawn I know every single block)... This playthrough has me further than I have ever been. I am circumnavigating the continent, building my map that is four panels of level 4 zoomout. So this is a huge undertaking... lengthy boat trips across massive oceans. I am in my boat, with all my maps, many many days from spawn. Meatbomb Junior is watching, and he would love a turn. "Sure, OK, but you need to follow my directions, OK? We are going to that little island over there... No, not that one, get away from the skeletons, no, hey, watch out for those squid... WHAaaaaa???" In less than 30 seconds he has sunk the boat and gotten himself killed, and all of my irreplaceable shit is 30 tiles underwater in uncharted territory.
I tried to put a brave face on it, but we both knew. Minecraft went on hiatus...
Two: the last few months it has been all about Rimworld. Holy shit is it excellent, the Sims and scifi and shooting and building all wrapped into the perfect bundle... Writing up stories for Reddit r/Rimworld, dipping my toe in modding... Single player, but hey whatever Papa needs his free time, right?
The youngest one is five. "Papa, you are addicted to this game, why only Rimworld all the time?"
The eldest is eleven now, with his own computer. "Papa, we could play Minecraft together on LAN." Took a week or so to get past my selfishness, but yesterday we started up Smin Valley again together. And it is so excellent.
Meatbomb and Meatbomb Junior are going to buy a second LAN cable tomorrow so the youngest can join in too. "You will be the backpack," says Meatbomb Junior to Bubbuh. "You stay with us, and you can carry all the stuff."
"Papa. I am going to carry all the stuff," Bubbuh reminds me. "You give it to me and I will take it and put it in the chests."
I am sure Bubbuh will find some way to fuck it all up for us.
Have kids! Life is glorious!
posted by Meatbomb at 7:12 AM on July 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
I tried to put a brave face on it, but we both knew. Minecraft went on hiatus...
Two: the last few months it has been all about Rimworld. Holy shit is it excellent, the Sims and scifi and shooting and building all wrapped into the perfect bundle... Writing up stories for Reddit r/Rimworld, dipping my toe in modding... Single player, but hey whatever Papa needs his free time, right?
The youngest one is five. "Papa, you are addicted to this game, why only Rimworld all the time?"
The eldest is eleven now, with his own computer. "Papa, we could play Minecraft together on LAN." Took a week or so to get past my selfishness, but yesterday we started up Smin Valley again together. And it is so excellent.
Meatbomb and Meatbomb Junior are going to buy a second LAN cable tomorrow so the youngest can join in too. "You will be the backpack," says Meatbomb Junior to Bubbuh. "You stay with us, and you can carry all the stuff."
"Papa. I am going to carry all the stuff," Bubbuh reminds me. "You give it to me and I will take it and put it in the chests."
I am sure Bubbuh will find some way to fuck it all up for us.
Have kids! Life is glorious!
posted by Meatbomb at 7:12 AM on July 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
Hmm. Stay away from my video games is the new keep out of my toolbox?
posted by notyou at 7:18 AM on July 24, 2017
posted by notyou at 7:18 AM on July 24, 2017
Him: [Flies around for a couple of minutes] Whoa looks like an engine failure, it's going down into Lego City, look out!!
Helloooo, Kragle.
posted by The Bellman at 7:41 AM on July 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
Helloooo, Kragle.
posted by The Bellman at 7:41 AM on July 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
I do the opposite: I ruin my 9yo's BOTW game by accidentally shooting off all his Fire Arrows, ruining his best swords, etc.
posted by signal at 7:47 AM on July 24, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by signal at 7:47 AM on July 24, 2017 [5 favorites]
Meatbomb: "Have kids! Life is glorious!"
Yeah, one of my favorite parenting moments has been in Minecraft, hanging out behind our house, on the water, with our dog, fishing and just chilling as the sun sets. Beautiful.
posted by signal at 7:51 AM on July 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
Yeah, one of my favorite parenting moments has been in Minecraft, hanging out behind our house, on the water, with our dog, fishing and just chilling as the sun sets. Beautiful.
posted by signal at 7:51 AM on July 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
Yes to be clear I don't mind at all. It's my option whether or not I share a world with him. We share Minecraft PE worlds across two kindles, using the wifi router for a LAN. It's a heck of a lot of fun.
posted by carter at 8:03 AM on July 24, 2017
posted by carter at 8:03 AM on July 24, 2017
Kids? Y'all have it easy.
My little tadpole decided one day he wanted to play Lego Star Wars on the old Gamecube. I wasn't home, so my wife fired it up for him, and he had fun.
Then he asked to play with me a few days later and said "I wanna be Boba Fett cause he can fly". So I opened the game, and ... my 95% complete saved game is gone. My wife apparently overwrote it. She didn't pay any attention to the menu at the beginning, and just... overwrote the game.
Which meant I had to start FROM ZERO and replay EVERY GODDAMNED LEVEL until I unlocked Boba Fett, so my kid would be happy.
Like I said: Kids are easy. Keeping your non-gamer spouse from screwing up your games? That's next level difficulty for sure.
One bonus though: the tadpole and I decided to play through the levels cooperatively. It was fun to see how fast we went from "Kid, drop out of the game NOW so we don't lose all our coins while you die here 37x" to "Hey dad I jumped to that platform, now let me pull this lever while you collect the bonus and then we can attack those guys together". The Lego games are great for younger kids, if you're looking for a starter game for your own spawn...
posted by caution live frogs at 8:17 AM on July 24, 2017 [6 favorites]
My little tadpole decided one day he wanted to play Lego Star Wars on the old Gamecube. I wasn't home, so my wife fired it up for him, and he had fun.
Then he asked to play with me a few days later and said "I wanna be Boba Fett cause he can fly". So I opened the game, and ... my 95% complete saved game is gone. My wife apparently overwrote it. She didn't pay any attention to the menu at the beginning, and just... overwrote the game.
Which meant I had to start FROM ZERO and replay EVERY GODDAMNED LEVEL until I unlocked Boba Fett, so my kid would be happy.
Like I said: Kids are easy. Keeping your non-gamer spouse from screwing up your games? That's next level difficulty for sure.
One bonus though: the tadpole and I decided to play through the levels cooperatively. It was fun to see how fast we went from "Kid, drop out of the game NOW so we don't lose all our coins while you die here 37x" to "Hey dad I jumped to that platform, now let me pull this lever while you collect the bonus and then we can attack those guys together". The Lego games are great for younger kids, if you're looking for a starter game for your own spawn...
posted by caution live frogs at 8:17 AM on July 24, 2017 [6 favorites]
I have a son that is just under two years old right now, and he loves BotW. Except he doesn't call it Breath of the Wild, or Zelda, he calls it "map". Or more closely to how he says it: "maaap?" It's nearly always a question.
He calls it "map" because a couple months ago when he first climbed up on my lap while I was playing it, he pointed to the corner of the screen with the map and asked "What's that?" The name has stuck.
Any given day has a good chance of me arriving home and having him point at my chair "sit" "up?" "maaap?" And I can't help but oblige him. He'll watch pretty intently for a while with a chorus of "wow" and "Oh no" and tiny gasps when Link fights a monster.
posted by borkencode at 9:16 AM on July 24, 2017 [8 favorites]
He calls it "map" because a couple months ago when he first climbed up on my lap while I was playing it, he pointed to the corner of the screen with the map and asked "What's that?" The name has stuck.
Any given day has a good chance of me arriving home and having him point at my chair "sit" "up?" "maaap?" And I can't help but oblige him. He'll watch pretty intently for a while with a chorus of "wow" and "Oh no" and tiny gasps when Link fights a monster.
posted by borkencode at 9:16 AM on July 24, 2017 [8 favorites]
No Son of Mine Plays Oregon Trail Like That
My dad used to get so pissed at me for not upgrading my units in Civ 2. I suppose it is a bit silly to have a phalanx guarding your capital city in 1850 but it was worth it to drive him nuts.
posted by sunset in snow country at 9:19 AM on July 24, 2017 [7 favorites]
My dad used to get so pissed at me for not upgrading my units in Civ 2. I suppose it is a bit silly to have a phalanx guarding your capital city in 1850 but it was worth it to drive him nuts.
posted by sunset in snow country at 9:19 AM on July 24, 2017 [7 favorites]
young man you MARCH your little butt upstairs THIS INSTANT and don't come out of that room until you've died of dysentery
posted by delfin at 9:40 AM on July 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by delfin at 9:40 AM on July 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
My son is 3 and he likes to play Neko Atsume on my phone. He knows that gold and silver fish are what you use to buy more toys and treats, and he noticed in the Shop that you can also buy fish with other fish. So now he's always trying to buy the fish. Buy 10 gold fish with 500 silver fish. Then spend the 10 gold fish to buy 250 silver fish. Repeat until we are out of fish, then go play with something else.
posted by beandip at 10:19 AM on July 24, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by beandip at 10:19 AM on July 24, 2017 [6 favorites]
Our four year old was really into Pokemon Go, and I still have one worthless Flareon around just because she renamed it 'Eevee DADDY', and it gives me a kick every time I scroll through it.
Half a year later, she's into Candy Crush Soda Bottles now, and I need to remind myself to budget a couple of lives for around her bath time, as the game has been providing crucial leverage for obtaining a speedy and cooperative bath from her.
posted by of strange foe at 11:11 AM on July 24, 2017
Half a year later, she's into Candy Crush Soda Bottles now, and I need to remind myself to budget a couple of lives for around her bath time, as the game has been providing crucial leverage for obtaining a speedy and cooperative bath from her.
posted by of strange foe at 11:11 AM on July 24, 2017
Typechip (age 3.5) has his own Pokemon Go account where we routinely go into it and favorite all his Pokemon because he transfers them and then is sad because he doesn't understand what he did.
I just turn on "keep items on death" in Minecraft because Typechip (age 3.5) wants me to make boats and sail across the seas or jump in the water and swim Forever, and I want to indulge him I just also don't want to lose that stack of iron I need it.
posted by FritoKAL at 11:22 AM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
I just turn on "keep items on death" in Minecraft because Typechip (age 3.5) wants me to make boats and sail across the seas or jump in the water and swim Forever, and I want to indulge him I just also don't want to lose that stack of iron I need it.
posted by FritoKAL at 11:22 AM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
And then makes me name all my pokes "Pikachu". Yes it is confusing but it's also pretty funny.
When I play a Zelda, I like to name my character "Zelda" to annoy all the "HIS NAME ISN'T ZELDA!" people.
posted by straight at 12:06 PM on July 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
When I play a Zelda, I like to name my character "Zelda" to annoy all the "HIS NAME ISN'T ZELDA!" people.
posted by straight at 12:06 PM on July 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
Particularly funny is a little island full of trolls who speak in quotes from people who didn't like the game because there are no weapons and you can't die.
SOLD!
posted by straight at 12:08 PM on July 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
SOLD!
posted by straight at 12:08 PM on July 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
One of my most traumatic gaming moments was when my kids were what I considered too young to be watching violent video games, but I would occasionally let them watch me give a tour of neat-looking video game places.
I was showing them a bit of the open world in Ultima 9 (yes, I know, go ahead and call Child Protective Services, I'm pretty sure the statute of limitations has passed for that crime) in what I knew was a safe area with no monsters. But I somehow fell into the water and had to swim over to land somewhere I hadn't yet explored. Suddenly there was a scary giant right next to the Avatar! My daughters made worried noises.
"Wow! Look at the big guy!" I said in my most cheerful everything-is-fine-and-everyone-is-our-friend tone of voice as I struggled with the awkward controls to get Avatar to scurry away to safety. The giant raised a huge club and with one swat knocked Avatar to the ground, dead. My daughters gasped. "Aw...he fell down. Uhh...[ALT-F4]...Let's look at a different game..."
posted by straight at 1:03 PM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
I was showing them a bit of the open world in Ultima 9 (yes, I know, go ahead and call Child Protective Services, I'm pretty sure the statute of limitations has passed for that crime) in what I knew was a safe area with no monsters. But I somehow fell into the water and had to swim over to land somewhere I hadn't yet explored. Suddenly there was a scary giant right next to the Avatar! My daughters made worried noises.
"Wow! Look at the big guy!" I said in my most cheerful everything-is-fine-and-everyone-is-our-friend tone of voice as I struggled with the awkward controls to get Avatar to scurry away to safety. The giant raised a huge club and with one swat knocked Avatar to the ground, dead. My daughters gasped. "Aw...he fell down. Uhh...[ALT-F4]...Let's look at a different game..."
posted by straight at 1:03 PM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
I also used to let them watch me run around checking out empty Unreal Tournament levels I had downloaded. I was kinda impressed that they quickly noticed the structure of these looping-back-on-themselves arenas and dubbed it the "How You Get Out? Game."
posted by straight at 1:05 PM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by straight at 1:05 PM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
Weren't your daughters a bit young to be exposed to non-Euclidean game physics and design like that?
posted by delfin at 1:28 PM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by delfin at 1:28 PM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
I suppose it is a bit silly to have a phalanx guarding your capital city in 1850 but it was worth it to drive him nuts.
That's just a ceremonial honor guard at your capital doing stuff like guarding landmarks and twirling weapons. I mean, it's probably a cushy assignment that all the soldier's in your Civ's military would apply for.
posted by FJT at 1:44 PM on July 24, 2017 [9 favorites]
That's just a ceremonial honor guard at your capital doing stuff like guarding landmarks and twirling weapons. I mean, it's probably a cushy assignment that all the soldier's in your Civ's military would apply for.
posted by FJT at 1:44 PM on July 24, 2017 [9 favorites]
Weren't your daughters a bit young to be exposed to non-Euclidean game physics and design like that?
This reminds me of one of my favourite Discworld comic panels.
posted by Fizz at 4:01 PM on July 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
This reminds me of one of my favourite Discworld comic panels.
posted by Fizz at 4:01 PM on July 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
I'm thinking of my kid touching my New Game+ of Witcher 3 even though a) I don't have a kid and b) I haven't started New Game+ yet, and I still feel like I'm about to start trembling with anger.
posted by turbid dahlia at 6:19 PM on July 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by turbid dahlia at 6:19 PM on July 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
When my brother and I were in high school (so like 16 and 14), our youngest brother was 4, and we had Goldeneye on Nintendo 64 and a big deal at the time was to have friends over and play four-man deathmatch tournaments. My mom was finishing her masters' at the time so basically my youngest brother had an unreasonable quantity of unsupervised video game time so she could study and we pretty quickly realized that pretty much the greatest party trick in the world was to have a bunch of friends over, start Goldeneye tournaments, and then be like, "Eh, I'm bored, Preschooler Brother, do you want to play?" and hand him our controller. Whereupon he would wipe out the entire clade of high school gaming nerds, one after the next after the next, no matter what weapons or options were chosen, because he'd memorized every map and the location of every weapon. If you have never seen 16-year-old super-macho boys getting their asses kicked by a four-year-old, I STRONGLY RECOMMEND IT.
The only chance you had of beating him was to play "slappers only" and hope that a) he didn't sneak up behind you and b) you could click faster than his uncoordinated preschooler hands could. I could beat him maybe 50% of the time at slappers only.
Eventually we ran out of unwitting victims and everyone refused all challenges from our 4-year-old brother because he was just too dominant, but it was great while it lasted.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:58 PM on July 24, 2017 [17 favorites]
The only chance you had of beating him was to play "slappers only" and hope that a) he didn't sneak up behind you and b) you could click faster than his uncoordinated preschooler hands could. I could beat him maybe 50% of the time at slappers only.
Eventually we ran out of unwitting victims and everyone refused all challenges from our 4-year-old brother because he was just too dominant, but it was great while it lasted.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:58 PM on July 24, 2017 [17 favorites]
Me: (playing WoW)
Daughter: I want to play that!
Me: (helps her create a character, mails her some newb armor and 10 gold to get her started, then goes away, assuming that at 13, I can surely trust her to play through a newb area without assistance.)
Daughter: I HAVE ALL THE PETS NOW!
Me: Nice, good job. (logs on later to find out she figured out how to mail herself gold from *my* characters, and how to use the auction house, and boy does she love the buy now option.)
posted by headspace at 4:15 PM on July 25, 2017
Daughter: I want to play that!
Me: (helps her create a character, mails her some newb armor and 10 gold to get her started, then goes away, assuming that at 13, I can surely trust her to play through a newb area without assistance.)
Daughter: I HAVE ALL THE PETS NOW!
Me: Nice, good job. (logs on later to find out she figured out how to mail herself gold from *my* characters, and how to use the auction house, and boy does she love the buy now option.)
posted by headspace at 4:15 PM on July 25, 2017
When my cousin was about 6, he didn't yet have the motor control for games, but we'd play Crash Bandicoot together. I'd take the movement side of the controller, and he'd take the jump/spin side, which wasn't as fussy as the movement. It worked okay, as long as the level wasn't too tricky.
Watching me show my cousin the game made my mom decide to learn how to play it too. It was a bit of a steep learning curve for her to get the coordination down, but she liked it and went from there to Final Fantasy and Kingdom Hearts games.
posted by vibratory manner of working at 4:16 PM on July 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
Watching me show my cousin the game made my mom decide to learn how to play it too. It was a bit of a steep learning curve for her to get the coordination down, but she liked it and went from there to Final Fantasy and Kingdom Hearts games.
posted by vibratory manner of working at 4:16 PM on July 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
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That he's still breathing to this day is an act of mercy and love. Not so much my love for him, but for my sister.
posted by Fizz at 10:11 PM on July 23, 2017 [49 favorites]