"The things that make us different. Those are our superpowers."
December 27, 2017 4:18 PM   Subscribe

 
How in the world do they disambiguate to determine searches for IT?!
posted by web-goddess at 6:22 PM on December 27, 2017 [2 favorites]


I'm not crying, you're crying. Shut up.
posted by bunderful at 6:38 PM on December 27, 2017 [10 favorites]


When I type "how" into Google, the first auto-complete which comes up that I know isn't mine is, "how to hard boil eggs".

Thanks, Google. I know that some of my other searches may put me into "can't tie his own shoes" categories, but I do know how to hard boil eggs. I'm slightly less useless than that.
posted by clawsoon at 6:56 PM on December 27, 2017 [3 favorites]


When I type "how" into Google, the first auto-complete which comes up that I know isn't mine is, "how to hard boil eggs".

.....I get "how to make slime".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:13 PM on December 27, 2017 [8 favorites]


How in the world do they disambiguate to determine searches for IT?!

My guess is pretty poorly, I mean, there's no way that top ten didn't include Star Wars or The Last Jedi. Hell, in the past few weeks alone more people have probably searched those than in the entire history of Star Wars because of all the ginned up (mostly fake, created to anger and generate clicks) "controversy" over it.
posted by trackofalljades at 7:14 PM on December 27, 2017


That was nice.
posted by 4ster at 7:25 PM on December 27, 2017


Hey, my "how" historical suggestions are pretty fun.

how to plot bezier curve in matlab
how to break a 64 bit calculator
how to overdub midi in ableton
how to disconnect from facebook and social media

And, for some reason: how to make slime, which I've never searched for. *looks sidewayus at EmpressCallipygos*
posted by loquacious at 7:27 PM on December 27, 2017 [5 favorites]


I was kind of excited when my third historical "how" was "how do you legally an safely get rid of a katana," but then I realized that of course that was from AskMe and my year wasn't really that interesting after all.
posted by DingoMutt at 7:40 PM on December 27, 2017 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: Vicariously disposing of katanas.
posted by clawsoon at 8:03 PM on December 27, 2017 [3 favorites]


I don't do "how" searches so my "how" suggestions aren't influenced by my search history. I do get "how to make slime" and lots of "how to convert X to Y units"-type searches, as well as "howard stern" as the only non-how search. Apparently slime-making is presently trending.
posted by axiom at 9:12 PM on December 27, 2017


Fuck why did that just trigger all the tears?
posted by numaner at 9:20 PM on December 27, 2017


I got: how to "activate a certain microsoft product without the key"
and
how to make a fretted cigar box guitar, which I actually did this year.
There was also:
how to sleep
how to lose belly fat
how to cite a website in apa

I did not get how to make slime, which I already know how to do thanks to my daughter and her friend.
posted by ashbury at 9:26 PM on December 27, 2017


“how to tell.if.you have consumed.marijuana”
“how to tell if youve been dosed by edibles”
I’m living the dream, Metafilter.
posted by vorpal bunny at 10:34 PM on December 27, 2017 [1 favorite]


Top three "how" autocompletes for me are:

"how to tie a tie"
"how to lose weight"
"how to kiss"

I think Google has a misapprehension about me. I bloody hope so.

I blame the fact that I'm on the Internet connection at my parents' new vicarage where they've only just moved in, so maybe this is a picture of the single vicar who was here before?
posted by Dysk at 11:04 PM on December 27, 2017 [2 favorites]


I get "How to say coq in French."
posted by Coventry at 11:06 PM on December 27, 2017


Ok, I got...

"How do you like me now"
"How to help the internet archive"
"How cold is it outside"
posted by johnxlibris at 11:11 PM on December 27, 2017 [1 favorite]


Google, do you even sense2vec? I've been searching about Common Lisp a lot recently so my "how" autocomplete is "how to get rid of a lisp".
posted by Jpfed at 11:37 PM on December 27, 2017


I got "how to stay safe in large crowds". Maybe from the first time I attended a demonstration after many years (a lot of things happening in my country right now).
posted by M. at 11:53 PM on December 27, 2017


...I get "how to make slime".


Was the next one “how to get slime off of cat”? Because the exact Google search I did this evening, about 180 seconds after my daughter finished using the slime making kit she got for Christmas.
posted by sideshow at 12:20 AM on December 28, 2017 [1 favorite]


how to fax from an iphone
how to make slime
how many people died on the Titanic
posted by jadepearl at 1:20 AM on December 28, 2017


how long
how many weeks in a year
how many ounces in a gallon
posted by StickyCarpet at 2:06 AM on December 28, 2017


Heh, one of the the German lists has a completely nonsensical question because someone on twitter was trying to see if they could mess with the google stats.

Also, weird, 8 of the top 10 sporting events happen every year. You'd think the spikes compared to 2016 would be higher for things that don't...
posted by kleinsteradikaleminderheit at 2:41 AM on December 28, 2017


me, just now:

how to make slime (I guess it picked that up from this thread?)
how many ounces in a pound
how to buy ripple
how many ounces in a gallon
how to tie a tie

----

So yeah, I won't be asking Google for job interview tips
posted by thelonius at 3:11 AM on December 28, 2017


howie mandel.
posted by bonobothegreat at 4:52 AM on December 28, 2017 [1 favorite]


I feel bad now for turning this into comedy - so I'll add quick that I thought the video was lovely.

...Okay back to the fun.

Just did it again and got:

How to make slime
how many weeks in a year
how to make terrariums
how many ounces in a pound
how to buy ripple
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:36 AM on December 28, 2017


how to make slime
how many ounces in a pound
how many ounces in a gallon
how to buy ripple
how many ounces in a cup

Now, three of those are things I know perfectly well and would not have to google, and even "how to make slime" is not a complete mystery since I survived the Great Elmer's Glue Shortage of Spring 2017.

But "how to buy ripple"? I clicked, fully expecting the answer to be "get a hold of three bucks however you can, enter convenience store, locate disgusting fortified wine, bring to counter, exchange money for wine." But no, apparently "Ripple" is now the new Bitcoin, or something. Reach out your hand, if your cup is empty.
posted by Daily Alice at 6:00 AM on December 28, 2017 [2 favorites]


My historical how-to's: How to cook lobster tails. How to write a press release. How to tell what year a GE appliance was made --- this last, painful one because the crappy, crappy high end appliance suite the previous homeowners bought as a package (so they'd match!) means I've been replacing things left and right in our new-to-us kitchen. Now our appliances don't MATCH, but they WORK. Except for the stupid built in glam fridge which, because of the poorly-designed light running the whole height of the interior, is too shallow to hold a pizza box unless you take everything out of the door shelf. At least it doesn't have the mold problem that some years of this model do. (Thanks, google search). My friend the contractor told me that people who buy this model refrigerator don't save their leftover pizza. I'm not sure he was joking.
posted by Nancy_LockIsLit_Palmer at 6:04 AM on December 28, 2017


My friends usually tell me I'm pretty up-to-date on news events and stuff. Clearly celebrities are excluded from that, as I looked at the people list, and went from "who on earth is..." via "let me duckduckgo that" to "oh nice, the prince is getting married, I didn't know that!"
posted by DreamerFi at 6:42 AM on December 28, 2017


Oh I feel better about the "ripple" thing now, Daily Alice, I thought the same as you. I have never bought, nor considered buying, such a thing, nor could I figure out why the internet was suddenly into slime and disgusting cheap wine.
posted by emjaybee at 7:01 AM on December 28, 2017 [1 favorite]


We tried MD 20-20 in college; it really was horrible. I could not finish mine, and I am an alcoholic.
posted by thelonius at 7:27 AM on December 28, 2017 [2 favorites]


I get 'how to get away with a murderer [sic]', which rather sounds like a bad TripAdvisor review waiting to happen.
posted by howfar at 7:54 AM on December 28, 2017 [2 favorites]


"how to get my baby to sleep in his crib"

shhhhh... the baby's sleeping in his crib! :)
posted by funkiwan at 8:21 AM on December 28, 2017


"how long
how many weeks in a year
how many ounces in a gallon"


how long
how long must we search this song
how long, how long
cause tonight
weeks can be in years
tonight, tonight

Ounces, in a Gallon?
Ounces, in a Gallon?
posted by komara at 8:46 AM on December 28, 2017 [1 favorite]


How in the world do they disambiguate to determine searches for IT?!

Hey, they managed to tell queries for "the concert" and "the the concert" apart. But basically they do it by having a dozen or so highly-paid people work on it for a couple quarters. But "IT" isn't that hard - a search for "IT" alone probably is intended to be about the movie.

Cute video, Google's marketing team has gotten way, way better in the last couple years. Because people search for literally everything so all they have to do is form a narrative and the searches are already there. And the top 10 list probably misses Star Wars because they put it together in November and it's crazy sanitized because otherwise the only category would be "porn searches".
posted by GuyZero at 8:47 AM on December 28, 2017


how to make me cry
posted by ikalliom at 8:51 AM on December 28, 2017 [3 favorites]


For those who, like me, were wondering what the hell lead to a sudden spike in slime-making interest starting around fall 2016, NPR is here to tell us.
posted by eotvos at 9:28 AM on December 28, 2017


Add me to the ranks of EmpressCallipygos’s Slime-Curious Army.

I’ve never searched that.

And yes, great band name.
posted by rokusan at 12:31 PM on December 28, 2017


Four hurricanes in the global news top ten.
posted by snofoam at 6:35 PM on December 28, 2017


You ain't seen nothin' yet.
posted by Coventry at 8:15 PM on December 28, 2017


My friend the contractor told me that people who buy this model refrigerator don't save their leftover pizza. I'm not sure he was joking.

Compare derail, but... take the pizza out of the box? I refrigerate leftover pizza all the time, but it would never occur to me to put a pizza box in the fridge.
posted by Dysk at 5:09 AM on December 29, 2017


"it would never occur to me to put a pizza box in the fridge."

If A.) the box fits and B.) you're going to eat it in the very near future then why wouldn't you put the box in the fridge? Why dirty up anything else?
posted by komara at 6:43 AM on December 29, 2017 [1 favorite]


I've only ever lived in Europe and Hong Kong. It would never even occur to me that a) could be true anywhere.
posted by Dysk at 7:40 AM on December 29, 2017


But like, we manage to refrigerate pizza just fine anyway.
posted by Dysk at 7:40 AM on December 29, 2017


"It would never even occur to me that a) could be true anywhere."

Well I'm here to tell you that in the U S of A your fridge is big enough not only to fit an entire pizza box but also the oven in which the pizza itself was baked.
posted by komara at 8:39 AM on December 29, 2017 [1 favorite]


That seems like a mixed blessing if it leaves you unable to refrigerate pizza if and when the box doesn't fit.
posted by Dysk at 12:02 PM on December 29, 2017


Dumping the box in the fridge is how you get dry, hard pizza.

Better to chuck the box, then wrap the slices individually or slip them in a freezer bag before refrigerating.
posted by zarq at 12:42 PM on December 29, 2017


#1: HOW TO OPERATE YOUR FROG

the next two are AskMes
posted by salix at 5:07 PM on January 1, 2018


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