May 15, 2002 2:44 PM   Subscribe

Spitballs It's always fun until someone loses an eye and you get charged with battery causing serious bodily injury, assault with a deadly weapon, assault by force likely to produce great bodily injury and mayhem and are found guilty of two of the charges [via ObscureStore].
posted by srboisvert (11 comments total)
I can imagine the conversation:

Big Brother: "See if you can hit that fat kid over there" (Pause) "Holy crap! Right in the eye! Man, you're in trouble now!"

Little Brother: "I wasn't aiming at him -- I just sort of shot it in the air and even if I was aiming at him I didn't know it was loaded and even if I did know it was loaded I didn't know it could hurt anyone unless you hit them in the eye or something and I wasn't aiming at his eye or at least not that one..."

BB: "Yeah, sure. See if you can get that girl with the purple braids over there."
posted by joaquim at 3:14 PM on May 15, 2002

Sentence: must run 10 miles carrying scissors.
posted by HTuttle at 3:16 PM on May 15, 2002

It's all fun and games until some one loses an eye.

Then it's just fun.
posted by NortonDC at 4:12 PM on May 15, 2002

On the plus side, if this kid does go to prison, then at least there's a good chance he'll get raped. That'll learn him to shoot spitballs!
posted by hincandenza at 4:23 PM on May 15, 2002

I deliberately hit a kid with a rock in the face once when I was 12. His dad saw me do it. I got one day of in-school suspension and the kid and I were friends again by the end of the week.

Perhaps I should have been sentenced to a proper stoning?
posted by dopamine at 4:39 PM on May 15, 2002

Bah. My brother goes to that school.

This is fucked up. The DA should have never filed charges that severe. As it is, the detention and the charges have been enough to scare the shit out of the whole family, and I think any further action/prosecution should be dropped. The kid has been out of school for a year.

I'm now seriously annoyed at the fact that my town seems just as full of idiots as any other.

Heck, my girlfriend goes to a high school 3 miles from that school. She has been physically harassed by a student there. Am I annoyed? Very. Would I want to see him sent to a juvenile prison for it? HELL NO!
posted by azazello at 7:37 PM on May 15, 2002

Hmmm. I dunno. I think 8 years for a spitwad is reasonable considering we live in completely fucking ass-backward times. Maybe a proper hanging in Town Square? Burned at the steak? Shit. Might as well go hog-wild since we have lost all sense of perspective.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 10:27 PM on May 15, 2002

..or is it "stake"? Now I'm hungry.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 10:28 PM on May 15, 2002

I was hit in the eye with a pen on a school trip once. I got in trouble for telling. I think even my teachers followed the criminal code. One of them had a finger missing.
posted by vbfg at 1:03 AM on May 16, 2002

In my senior year, a classmate of mine detached a thin piece of metal from his seat (part of the grid that stores our books under the tables) and started bending and straighting it up fast, until it got red-hot. Than he touched the neck of another classmate with the hot edge like he was marking down cattle or something.

In reply, he was hit with a chair by the burnt boy. They were best friends and 15 minutes later, after we all quit laughing, we were all business as usual...

But this is Brazil and we clearly live in the jungle here...
posted by rexgregbr at 7:19 AM on May 16, 2002

But this is Brazil and we clearly live in the jungle here...

You know, the jungle is starting to sound like an okay kinda place. I mean, in the jungle if you don't have common sense you try to say hello to the nice big kitty and it eats you. Here if you don't have common sense they make you a school administrator or a DA and tell you to have zero tolerance for thong panties, finger guns, and spitwads.
posted by ilsa at 1:38 PM on May 16, 2002

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