Dressing for Two

February 2, 2018 4:11 AM

The prudish, sexy, shaming, expensive history of maternity clothes [slRacked Long Read](TW: miscarriage).
posted by ellieBOA (21 comments total)

Shout out to Racked for stepping up their long read game!
posted by ellieBOA at 4:11 AM on February 2, 2018 [1 favorite]

What an interesting article. Thank you ellieBOA!
posted by james33 at 4:18 AM on February 2, 2018 [1 favorite]

Oh wow there is so much in this, thank you for posting it!

We’ve been prescribed a pregnancy salve — by the millennial-friendly maternity market, by social media, by apps and books and Big Pregnancy — and ensured its universality: If you look good, you’ll feel good. That’s not true for everyone, though. Do I feel good squeezing my leg flesh into the skinny maternity (hi, oxymoron) jeans I ordered online in my “true size” back around week 26, the ones that were promised to “grow” with me?

Ha, hahahaha, that is legitimately hysterical. I feel terrible!

Yeah pregnancy is bad? Like it's really bad and awful and unpleasant and I hate that there's this extra pressure to be glowing and beautiful when you're filled with extra fluid in uterus, ankles, bladder, all sorts of places. I didn't want to look HOT while I was pregnant, I certainly didn't feel hot, and I definitely didn't need the pressure of seeing all these flawless women with their beautiful, flawless, acne-free pregnancies beaming maternal beauty at me when I was so disgusting. It's also tricky for me because I'm overweight and already have a...fraught...relationship with clothes and my appearance and my body and during pregnancy it got bigger and less functional and harder to inhabit. I had a much loved but inconsiderate roommate in my own body who needed me to provide all the nutrition and energy and wouldn't let me sleep. Clothes were so hard because I didn't want to spend a lot of money on maternity stuff I wasn't going to wear that long, but you get the same problems you get with all "fast fashion" magnified. I ended up with unexpectedly sheer black dresses that didn't reach my knees. I was pregnant and plus-sized and I was dressed like a go-go dancer and the more pregnant I got the higher the dress rose in front. I was sharing my body and I wanted to forget about my body entirely and just be left alone but I had to pay more attention than ever because I needed new clothes and people, including doctors, were asking me about it constantly.

Since giving birth (about a year and a half ago) I have a really different relationship with the perennial articles called "How I Got My Body Back" that I see on the cover of magazines in supermarkets. I hate that what they usually mean is "I was pregnant but through hard work and lots of time and money for trainers and special diets I was able to reclaim my status as an object of desirability to the male gaze" but there really is something in the idea of getting your body back. While you're pregnant not only are you sharing it with the fetus but it feels like public property. People think they can touch it, people you don't know feel free to ask you extremely personal questions, and beloved friends and family members who have also been pregnant want to compare notes, a habit I have 100% picked up. You have to share intimate details of your life with medical professionals. Even my husband had different access to my body than usual because he wanted to feel the baby kick and he heard about embarrassing medical details because he came to my appointments (and I wanted him there! But normally I keep my more disgusting maladies to myself as much as possible, and it isn't always possible when you're pregnant). I had to pee in cups constantly. I couldn't eat certain cheeses or lunch meats or drink what I wanted. Other people (almost always women) took responsibility for caring for my body by giving me their seats on the Metro. For months it really wasn't just my body, it was the baby's body and it was the doctor's body and it was my mother and my mother-in-law's body and it was my husband's body and it was a public body and then I gave birth and I got it back. It got it back in crummy shape, with a new scar and some unpleasantness that lingers to this day, but I got it back and I now read those headlines with completely different eyes, my own, in the body that I have reclaimed.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 6:44 AM on February 2, 2018 [97 favorites]

I hated being pregnant, but one thing that came with it was confidence in my appearance. I think it was a side effect of the hormones because even though I weighed more than I ever have in my life, I found myself looking in a mirror and thinking I looked fantastic from about 7 months on. A lot of the self-doubt that I've had about my appearance my entire life lifted away. I wasn't fashionable pregnant (nor am I normally), but a lot of the clothing I wear is stretchy, so I wore it before the pregnancy and after.

Mrs. Pterodactyl, I agree with the idea of getting your body back, but I'm currently pumping breastmilk for my bottle-fed baby. He's napping, but I'm sitting here pumping as I type this. I still don't have my body back, and my belly button still resembles the Sarlaac Pit, but at least I can have a glass of wine in the evenings.

I'll add the pressure to be an Instagram parent, too. The people I know who had babies around the same time I did are constantly posting beautifully crafted pictures with outfits and season-appropriate props. Meanwhile, I take pictures of my baby smiling in his pajamas on the changing table, because that's about all I have the time or desire to do.
posted by turtlebackriding at 6:59 AM on February 2, 2018 [6 favorites]

For months it really wasn't just my body, it was the baby's body and it was the doctor's body and it was my mother and my mother-in-law's body and it was my husband's body and it was a public body and then I gave birth and I got it back. It got it back in crummy shape, with a new scar and some unpleasantness that lingers to this day, but I got it back and I now read those headlines with completely different eyes, my own, in the body that I have reclaimed.

I love having the opportunity to flag something as fantastic.
posted by everybody had matching towels at 7:11 AM on February 2, 2018 [12 favorites]

The Pregnancy Survival Kit was the only thing I could wear as I went into my 6th or 7th month, until the end. The tunic dress, paired with lightweight tights and Birkenstocks helped me to continue my status as a fashion icon at my job (Saks Fifth Avenue corporate office, NYC, mid 1990s).

That being said, I did love my Belly Basics clothing.
posted by sundrop at 7:43 AM on February 2, 2018 [1 favorite]

Both times I was pregnant my third trimesters were over a New England winter. I was the height of fashion in my husband's spare ski jacket (because no fucking way am I buying a maternity coat) and bogs (because no fucking way could I bend over to lace up boots). It was outstanding how few fucks I gave about what I looked like. All I could think of was the glimmer of light at the end, when these parasites would get the fuck out of my body and would therefore stop scraping their limbs against my organs.

I... did not enjoy pregnancy.
posted by lydhre at 7:53 AM on February 2, 2018 [12 favorites]

Pregnancy was so weird to me. Some people claim they enjoy it, but I was just so so happy to get that baby out of there with that last push, and not just for the obvious reasons. One thing that was nice was that I had a very slow and steady weight gain and people were constantly telling me that I hardly looked pregnant so I felt pretty confident in my weight and how I looked for perhaps the first time in my life. A lot of that was because of the puking though, and that I definitely do not miss. The little one is 5 months now and I definitely prefer this period to the pregnancy period, particularly the first trimester. My body is my own again, for the most part. I am still breastfeeding and pumping and I can't wait until that whole thing is over, but there are also parts of it I enjoy. I did put on a lot of weight in the postpartum period, mainly because of all kinds of carby galactogogues that my mom insisted on feeding me, so I'm kind of sad about that, but getting my body back from excess weight gain is something I know how to do and I have no doubt I will do it.
posted by peacheater at 7:54 AM on February 2, 2018 [2 favorites]

When I was pregnant, most maternity clothing had bows, puffed sleeves and 'cute' slogans/images. I was a small person when I started, and I outgrew maternity clothing (10 lb baby). I'm not really into sewing, but I made a maternity dress with extra fabric, just so I could wear something comfortable and presentable. No World Wide Web for shopping; maternity clothes were polyester and expensive. Bless my cousin, who gave me a maternity swimsuit and a pair of not hideous maternity 'jeans'. Maternity clothes are now more comfortable and look like clothes a person would wear.

I so identify with the looking in a full length mirror experience. That's when I got to see how bad the stretch marks were.
posted by theora55 at 8:28 AM on February 2, 2018

My favorite boss is a lady who was in the first major wave of ladies in our profession, and she has some S T O R I E S from back in the day -- like, she has her own version of Hillary's law school exam story, plus stories about facing down labor bosses who demanded her father's phone number because he should know his little girl was being such a [expletive] and how one time, she almost got removed from a business lunch that happened to take place in the fanciest private club in the city, because the walnut-paneled main dining room was reserved for men only.

And like, when she was pregnant with her first kid, she couldn't find maternity clothes that didn't weren't, as she puts it "little bows and ducks and pink all over". Because that's what happened, right? That's what good middle class girls did. They might go to college and work, but it wasn't serious. Once they got married, they'd leave the job, and waft about in bows and ducks and pink. My boss was already having problems having people take her seriously as a woman, so what did she do?

Drew on her background as a Jewish girl from a family in the garment trade, and broke out her needle and thread and sewing patterns and made her own maternity clothes in business-appropriate colors. So she'd work a full-ass day, come home, cook dinner for her husband, clean, and then sew her own damn clothes while she watched the late news.

Our shared profession isn't great for working mothers now, but I think about my boss having to sew her own maternity clothes whenever I see a post on Instagram from MM LaFleur about five cute office dress looks for your third trimester or whatever.
posted by joyceanmachine at 9:09 AM on February 2, 2018 [48 favorites]

I found three serious looking business dresses for work at Motherhood Maternity (around 25 bucks each on sale). The rest were pretty ghastly. Along with a whole bunch of maternity opaque tights, they are pretty much my uniform right now.

I would be caught dead before wearing shit with lulzy one-liners. I did buy one flowery thing that I normally would have hated, and I wear it for outings or the weekends. It has a pink belt because I'm having a girl and signaling my baby's private parts is something I embarrassingly felt like doing. Non-pregnant me would be appalled.

Now that I have my uniform rotation set up I'm pretty happy. I love being pregnant and I don't give a shit if I'm hot or not. I love the way my body looks. Healthy and powerful.
posted by Tarumba at 9:54 AM on February 2, 2018 [5 favorites]

My friend wore a bunch of her husband's clothes when she was pregnant.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 11:34 AM on February 2, 2018 [2 favorites]

Maternity clothing in the age of athleisure really gave me no particular problems. I found nursing friendly clothing a lot more of a PITA.
posted by vunder at 12:56 PM on February 2, 2018 [4 favorites]

I loved being pregnant. I've always been overweight, but gaining more weight while being pregnant didn't faze me in the least. I loved every moment, but I also refused to spend a lot of money on clothes I was only going to wear for a short time. So I bought oversized button up shirts that I wore like tunics later; elastic waisted leggings (and remember stirrup pants?). I think I only had one actual maternity dress. My sons are now in their 20s, and I still have one of the denim shirts I use as an over shirt/jacket.
posted by annieb at 1:16 PM on February 2, 2018 [3 favorites]

I hated the idea of spending money on maternity or nursing clothes so I found one black and white striped top that is super comfy and presentable and bought four identical versions. I wear these and black leggings around the house - postpartum I wear black jeans and one of the tops if I’m going out. I think I spent less than 100 total on maternity and nursing clothes.

Otoh pictures of me from this era will look a bit weird cause I’m wearing identical outfits for months on end. I told my husband I’ll just tell bubba I was a mime when she was a baby.
posted by supercrayon at 4:24 PM on February 2, 2018 [2 favorites]

Every fashion editor who was interviewed for this book concurred that heels visually lengthen the legs, elongate the silhouette, and offer a literal lift from that dowdy, bloated feeling,” reads a Hot Tip encased in a mint green bubble.

Oh, fuck them. Like having a regular baby back ache in Berkies isn't enough, you ought to ruin your feet, screw up your back, and risk a fall, so you can pretend you're a sex object while you're feeling bloated?
posted by BlueHorse at 6:23 PM on February 2, 2018 [7 favorites]

One of the most satisfying Ask a Manager updates ever was finding out that the male manager who "didn't like the look" of his employee's maternity wardrobe ( "if [the employee] was going to wear a pant suit, the shirt needed to be tucked in and belted. Also that he did not like the look of side ruching or an empire waist on shirts and felt it was unprofessional") was later fired for unrelated sexual misconduct.
posted by mrmurbles at 7:48 PM on February 2, 2018 [5 favorites]

"found nursing friendly clothing a lot more of a Pita".

OMG yes, I'm already dreading all those curtain looking tops.
posted by Tarumba at 2:30 AM on February 3, 2018

The only time in my life when I didn't feel self-conscious about the size of my belly was when I was pregnant. While I repeatedly wished for the eloping version of pregnancy where I could appear 9 months later with a baby and skip all public commentary in which I was reduced from a woman with my own brain to the growing host of a future baby, I never looked at my belly and told myself that I needed to cut carbs/do ab work/start running. I miss looking at my belly in stretchy maternity clothes and not thinking about losing 5 pounds so I can fit into my skinny pants again. Also, having cleavage for a year was a novel experience: like "aha, THAT'S how clothes are designed to fit on top!" That was great.

Post-partum, it was a different story. I had a bizarre toe infection a couple months after I had a baby and saw a clueless male medical resident at the clinic who diagnosed me by referencing Bing image search. But before he landed on that, he kept asking me about my footwear: "Do you wear heels? Did you wear heels while pregnant?" He literally could not comprehend me when I answered, "I have a preemie and who is quarantined due to flu season. The only times I have worn shoes in the past two months is to go to doctors appointments."
posted by Maarika at 6:03 AM on February 3, 2018 [3 favorites]

When I got to 12 weeks, my sister-in-law revealed that she had three bins of maternity clothes saved for me. As someone who hates shopping and clothes and fashion, I have never been so stylish in my life. Most of it was stuff I never would have bought and a reasonable amount of it fit me. The bins have moved on to a friend, but every pregnant woman should get a bin at their 20 week appointment. Unless she actually enjoys picking out her own clothes.

Nursing clothes may be a problem if I ever leave the house again.
posted by oryelle at 10:42 AM on February 3, 2018 [5 favorites]

“OMG yes, I'm already dreading all those curtain looking tops”

Don’t buy them, they are terrible. They are too low-cut to cover your nursing bra, and you end up wading through cascades of material to even get to your nipples. I have no idea how anyone latches a newborn on through those things, you need to be able to see what you/the baby are doing until they get the head control to do it themselves (10weeks in DS’s case).

Underwired nursing bra (I have an Anita one but I’m a weird size, the Hotmilk ones get good reviews too). High-necked t-shirt or jersey top to cover the nursing bra (nursing bras provide very full coverage, like a sports bra, and they are visible in scoop neck or v-neck tops). Bra unclips and drops down, top comes up, baby’s head hides the small amount of flesh on show. You just need to make sure your top has a bit of stretch in it so it pulls up easily.

I do like my nursing dress - it’s from H&M but is out of stock so I can’t link, but it is basically a nursing bra with a tube skirt sewn onto the bottom. I wear it with a jumper over the top so there isn’t too much flesh on display (partly modesty, mostly because it’s cold here). I have pretty much given up on normal dresses until I go back to work.
posted by tinkletown at 8:45 AM on February 4, 2018 [1 favorite]