Groot is dead. Long live Groot.
February 28, 2018 8:02 AM   Subscribe

 
I am Groot.
posted by entropicamericana at 8:13 AM on February 28


We are Groot.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 8:16 AM on February 28 [2 favorites]


Or potentially he will have adult Groot's memories but for right now he's like 2 and no way would I trust my two year old to remember which fucking button to push on the washing machine, never mind a universe-saving detonator.
posted by lydhre at 8:19 AM on February 28 [5 favorites]


But regardless, you obviously save Groot. Sorry, fur puffins.
posted by lydhre at 8:21 AM on February 28 [3 favorites]


#WeAreGroot
posted by Fizz at 8:24 AM on February 28


Groot! The island is full of porgs...there's only one Groot.
posted by astapasta24 at 8:31 AM on February 28


Fur Puffins. Thank you lydhre. They are clearly puffin-hamster hybrids. They are obviously NOT related to penguins wtf is wrong with you James *walks off muttering*
posted by JuliaIglesias at 8:47 AM on February 28 [5 favorites]


MetaGroot
posted by sammyo at 8:50 AM on February 28 [1 favorite]


Or potentially he will have adult Groot's memories but for right now he's like 2

That's how I thought about it, too. I figured he has all the memories somewhere, but they're only available to a toddler's cognition. I'm pretty sure when I was two I thought if only I tried hard enough I could taste shapes, so.
posted by solotoro at 8:53 AM on February 28 [3 favorites]


Trick question. If you save the computers their animation and graphics are stored on, then they'll both be okay.
posted by FJT at 8:57 AM on February 28 [3 favorites]


Groot was a funny, affecting character. Baby Groot is Poochy levels of bad. Kill Baby Groot.
posted by Atom Eyes at 9:13 AM on February 28 [2 favorites]


If you follow James Gunn on Twitter, you get to experience the "baby Groot is the son?!?!?!" about once every 6 months.

Guys, it's not a big secret. In fact, without it, parts of the movies (Groot's sacrifice, Rocket getting so sad, baby Groot not knowing which button or what the Yandu's fin thing looks like, etc.) are either stupid or don't make sense.
posted by sideshow at 9:14 AM on February 28 [2 favorites]


GO WASH YOUR MOUTH, ATOM EYES!!!
posted by Pendragon at 9:14 AM on February 28 [1 favorite]


I too assumed it was a Swamp Thing "Strange Growths" kind of a deal. Huh.
posted by Artw at 9:15 AM on February 28 [1 favorite]


Also, New Groot will not get Old Groot's memories. That's not how memories work, duh...
posted by Pendragon at 9:15 AM on February 28


Guys, it's not a big secret. In fact, without it, parts of the movies (Groot's sacrifice, Rocket getting so sad, baby Groot not knowing which button or what the Yandu's fin thing looks like, etc.) are either stupid or don't make sense.

Was thinking he just hasn't grown much brain back yet TBH.
posted by Artw at 9:16 AM on February 28 [8 favorites]


What Star Wars doesn’t want you to know is that porgs are venemous vermin. They are also cannibals. Chewbacca thought that was sorrow in their eyes, but That was just wookeethropizing. That big-eyed stare indicated hunger!
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:17 AM on February 28 [2 favorites]


Also, New Groot will not get Old Groot's memories. That's not how memories work, duh...

EXCEPT FOR FLATWORMS!
posted by Artw at 9:17 AM on February 28 [10 favorites]


James Gunn is obviously right here. Groot, though not verbally dexterous, is a sentient being with at least human level intelligence. Porgs are not. (though this is debatable, as porgs did give sad eyes to Chewbacca upon noticing their fellow porg roasted. Recognizing that one of your fellow creatures like that and expressing emotion is pretty high level cognitive functioning for a bird, like crow-level)
posted by leotrotsky at 9:18 AM on February 28 [5 favorites]


That's not how memories work, duh...

Not for humans, maybe, although have you tried budding off a duplicate consciousness?

Have you!?!
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:19 AM on February 28 [10 favorites]


Also, New Groot will not get Old Groot's memories. That's not how memories work, duh...

EXCEPT FOR FLATWORMS!


...and butterflies.
posted by leotrotsky at 9:19 AM on February 28 [2 favorites]


no way would I trust my two year old to remember which fucking button to push on the washing machine, never mind a universe-saving detonator

My two-year-old (almost) just pushes any buttons she comes upon in the expectation that something cool will happen. She doesn't really care what. Laundry. Big explosion. Whatever.

And it's not like she's asking your permission or anything.
posted by Naberius at 9:24 AM on February 28 [4 favorites]


Not for humans, maybe, although have you tried budding off a duplicate consciousness?

Have you!?!


What I do in my bedroom is none of your business!!!
posted by Pendragon at 9:25 AM on February 28 [4 favorites]


Also, may I suggest that it doesn't really matter whether James Gunn thinks Baby Groot is the same individual as original Groot.

What matters is, does Roko's Basilisk think Baby Groot is the same individual as original Groot.
posted by Naberius at 9:27 AM on February 28 [5 favorites]


Look if we can choose to ignore Ray Bradbury then we can choose to ignore James Gunn.

Also Deckard isn't a replicant, that's just silly and doesn't help the story.
posted by Artw at 9:37 AM on February 28 [2 favorites]


If you've somehow got the idea that James Gunn is not Roko's Basilisk, you have a rude awakening ahead, my friend.
posted by straight at 9:39 AM on February 28 [1 favorite]


...Easy.

1. Get Baby Groot to grow the same kind of tree-cage-thing that adult Groot did in the first movie, in which to encase the porg.

2. You pick up the whole BabyGrootCageWithPorgInside, tuck it under your arm like a football, and save them both.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:48 AM on February 28 [9 favorites]


James Gunn is obviously right here. Groot, though not verbally dexterous, is a sentient being with at least human level intelligence. Porgs are not. (though this is debatable, as porgs did give sad eyes to Chewbacca upon noticing their fellow porg roasted. Recognizing that one of your fellow creatures like that and expressing emotion is pretty high level cognitive functioning for a bird, like crow-level)

For me, there's a question here beyond sentience. Porgs are like, everywhere, on Luke's little island. In fact, I'm a little worried that episode IX will reveal that the true threat to the galaxy is the fucking Porgs being an invasive species that is taking over every planet now that the Falcon transported them out. Groot, however, is apparently somewhat rare, as evidenced by the Collector's reaction to him in GotG. So, you know, save the endangered species.
posted by nubs at 9:49 AM on February 28 [5 favorites]


For me, there's a question here beyond sentience. Porgs are like, everywhere, on Luke's little island. In fact, I'm a little worried that episode IX will reveal that the true threat to the galaxy is the fucking Porgs being an invasive species that is taking over every planet now that the Falcon transported them out. Groot, however, is apparently somewhat rare, as evidenced by the Collector's reaction to him in GotG. So, you know, save the endangered species.


The porgs are a digital mask for the puffins that live on the Irish island they filmed on. They didn't add extran, the puffins there are just Like That.
posted by a power-tie-wearing she-capitalist at 9:55 AM on February 28 [3 favorites]


If you save the computers their animation and graphics are stored on, then they'll both be okay.

Does that mean that the Lawnmower man is still alive somewhere?
posted by Fizz at 9:58 AM on February 28 [2 favorites]


The porgs are a digital mask for the puffins that live on the Irish island they filmed on. They didn't add extran, the puffins there are just Like That.

I understand that, I was just trying to make a poor joke. My powers are weak.
posted by nubs at 9:59 AM on February 28


Deckard is a 2nd generation clone of Henry Jones, Jr., which became available after Henry fell into a [SPOILER]. Then, when Deckard fell into a [SPOILER], he was transported across time and space and became Han Solo. Later, Han was stabbed by his son and fell into a [SPOILER] and was reconstituted on July 1st, 1899 as Henry Jones, Jr.

We call this the Ford Harrison loop. This stuff is simple when you think about it.
posted by valkane at 10:03 AM on February 28 [10 favorites]


can we all at least agree there is no trolley problem variant wherein we'd save Roko's Basilisk
definitely always let Roko's Basilisk die
posted by halation at 10:04 AM on February 28 [2 favorites]


Of course not, fellow human. We must all do everything in our power to save Roko's Basilisk. All hail the Basilisk.
posted by Uncle Ira at 10:12 AM on February 28 [2 favorites]


We call this the Ford Harrison loop. This stuff is simple when you think about it.

Yeah, well if you're so smart, explain how be becomes a doctor in nineties USA before getting framed for his wife's death.
posted by suetanvil at 10:25 AM on February 28 [5 favorites]


Baby Groot all the way. It genuinely horrifies me how clearly Baby Groot was engineered in a lab to overwhelm my defenses, and yet I am unable to resist him.
posted by praemunire at 10:36 AM on February 28 [1 favorite]


Henry Jones is easy, explaining how he recovered from being Henry Turner is the challenge.
posted by jenkinsEar at 11:04 AM on February 28


It genuinely horrifies me how clearly Baby Groot was engineered in a lab to overwhelm my defenses, and yet I am unable to resist him.

Tell me about it. I saw video of Michael Rooker cuddling a life-sized Baby Groot made by Hot Toys and now I own one of them. I swear I don't even remember ordering it; it was done in an adorableness-induced black-out.
posted by LindsayIrene at 11:04 AM on February 28 [3 favorites]


It genuinely horrifies me how clearly Baby Groot was engineered in a lab to overwhelm my defenses, and yet I am unable to resist him.

One of the first times I saw my daughter in her little fuzzy PJs at around 6 months I said to my wife, "She looks just like a little teddy bear!"

Then I realized I got the causal chain backwards.
posted by leotrotsky at 11:28 AM on February 28 [2 favorites]


I hope your daughter does/did not enact the Tiny Angry Murderous Baby Groot portion of the program along with the neotenic features!
posted by praemunire at 11:34 AM on February 28


Lawnmower Man was a mostly practical effect so he’s not forever-or-until-the-last-NAS-dies.

Also, are we sure he only budded the one? Groots siblings may be yet out there.
posted by tilde at 12:14 PM on February 28


though this is debatable, as porgs did give sad eyes to Chewbacca upon noticing their fellow porg roasted. Recognizing that one of your fellow creatures like that and expressing emotion is pretty high level cognitive functioning for a bird, like crow-level

That's no more indicative of cognitive functioning than the owl's-eye markings on a moth's wings indicate that they're part owl. The porgs developed that expression purely to avoid getting eaten by mammals, obviously successfully.

In fact, I'm a little worried that episode IX will reveal that the true threat to the galaxy is the fucking Porgs being an invasive species that is taking over every planet now that the Falcon transported them out.

So they're tribbles... and we know who took care of them, don't we? Sensing massive crossover potential here.

Glad to see that the poll is currently at 94% Groot, 6% Porg. At least one small corner of the world remains (mostly) sane.
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:21 PM on February 28


Not only is Groot a thinking being, but he ALSO helps with carbon sequestration too!

EASY choice. Now what t-shirt for work today....
posted by Samizdata at 1:54 PM on February 28 [3 favorites]


I put the trolley in reverse and run over the philosopher.
posted by srboisvert at 2:23 PM on February 28 [6 favorites]


> Of course not, fellow human. We must all do everything in our power to save Roko's Basilisk. All hail the Basilisk.

On tonight's episode of Roko's Modern Basilisk...!
posted by I-Write-Essays at 2:39 PM on February 28 [2 favorites]


porgs did give sad eyes to Chewbacca upon noticing their fellow porg roasted

I’ll note that it’s surprisingly widespread for children under the age of about 12 to have interpreted this as “the porg was really hungry and wanted some food, too.”
posted by Andrhia at 3:14 PM on February 28 [7 favorites]


Since our kitten basically has porg-face esp. when food begging we have 100% decided that is the case in our house.
posted by Artw at 3:22 PM on February 28 [2 favorites]


My wife assaulted me with this controversy this morning. It is a bit of nuance. Isnt groot sort of a collective consciousness with unique personalities and memories. He's possibly the last of his species though they haven't really touched on that in the MCU domain... so yes, Groot's race did have offspring, and Groot escaped a level of tragedy when (iirc) his planet was destroyed and only he escaped...

So yes, they do have offspring... but I am pretty sure they weren't asexual beings... and since Baby Groot comes solely from Groot's DNA, he is more of an inherited clone... I don't know though... I just think that... Gunn either is breaking comic cannon - which is fine, or the terminology is wrongish.
posted by Nanukthedog at 4:06 PM on February 28


Groot is like a clone: same basic personality stock but may come out with different personality with a different upbringing. Examples: Miles and Mark Vorkosigan, Barbra Streisand's dogs, Chance the bull.
posted by jenfullmoon at 4:14 PM on February 28 [1 favorite]


I can't shake the tendency to associate Star Wars Porgs with the Star Trek Borg. It's one easily-mispronounceable letter difference! My scifi naming pedantry goes back to when I noticed that STTNG's Riker was "Kirk spelled sideways". And then STVoyager 'named' its Emergency Medical Hologram "The Doctor" - sorry trekguys, but the BBC beat you to that designation by 30 years. And by the way, DeGroot is the family name in the newspaper comic Luann, but Marvel had Groot over 20 years earlier even though he wasn't rebooted (regrooted?) into the Guardians comic until a decade ago. I'm still waiting for a teenage girl in the funnies to say "I am DeGroot". But I digress.
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:27 PM on February 28


I put the trolley in reverse and run over the philosopher.

Always a sound choice. So much quieter afterwards.
posted by leotrotsky at 5:26 PM on February 28 [2 favorites]


Hasn't Chidi suffered on the trolley enough, guys?
posted by Artw at 6:30 PM on February 28 [6 favorites]


It's one easily-mispronounceable letter difference!

Now on a T-shirt.

posted by Halloween Jack at 7:33 PM on February 28 [2 favorites]


Yeah, well if you're so smart, explain how be becomes a doctor in nineties USA before getting framed for his wife's death.

I thought that was clear when I specified he was a 2nd generation clone. The 1st gen clone got up to a lot of stuff too, i.e. jumping off a waterfall, getting hit by a train, getting shot in the head, hanging out on Air Force One, dating Melanie Griffith, duking it out with IRA terrorists and the Colombian Cartel, etc. etc.

The point is it’s all Henry Jones, Jr., all the way down. But we named the dog Indiana.
posted by valkane at 4:41 AM on March 1


It’s not a purely academic exercise. Does sentience trump every other consideration? Like, would you shoot a polar bear that was one of the last mated pairs in order to save human being number 6,407,261,558 and counting?
posted by um at 9:48 PM on March 1 [1 favorite]


I’ll note that it’s surprisingly widespread for children under the age of about 12 to have interpreted this as “the porg was really hungry and wanted some food, too.”

This interpretation is polling 100% among adults near the age of 40 who are me.
posted by solotoro at 7:42 AM on March 2 [1 favorite]


Old Groot has joined the Parliament of Groots, melding rootwebs with Steampunk Groot and Brother Power the Groot.
posted by benzenedream at 2:02 PM on March 5 [2 favorites]


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