And what rough feast, its hour come round at last…
April 17, 2018 11:58 AM   Subscribe

Last week, the internet lost its damn mind over Heinz "Mayochup," a combination of mayonnaise and ketchup that seemed like a cruel prank on those of us who've long debated the individual merits of each. […] For those who dreamed of such a product, the reality was crueler still: It was only available to consumers in the Middle East. Yes, the type of condiment one might find on tap at Guy Fieri's home bar remained just out of reach, so we did what we do best as Americans: We complained on Twitter. And it looks like we're getting our way.
posted by Johnny Wallflower (89 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
 
Look, until I can get Mustmayostarayonnaise, I don't give a damn what condiments they combine.
posted by SansPoint at 12:06 PM on April 17 [21 favorites]


The mayo and ketchup combo is essentially the base for both Thousand Island dressing and Russian dressing. I was rather annoyed at people who were like "OH GOD NO" but then admitted to liking both of those dressings.

Also, I put both mayo and ketchup on my hamburgers/cheeseburgers.
posted by cooker girl at 12:07 PM on April 17 [21 favorites]


We didn’t need this in the nineties when they tred it with mustard (obligatory link to Mr. Show Mustardayonnaise sketch — Dijonaise was a real thing that may or may not still exist), and we don’t need this.

Sure, ketchup and mayo on fries is good. It’s called “fry sauce” in some places. But it ain’t a huge chore to squirt two separate bottles, y’know?
posted by Sys Rq at 12:08 PM on April 17 [8 favorites]


I'm pretty sure Mayochup is the base for Wendy's new Awesomesauce (real, not a Guy Fieri joke) and for Raising Caines chicken sauce, so yay for not having to make your own I guess.
posted by The_Vegetables at 12:08 PM on April 17 [1 favorite]


Is it that hard to mix? Every time I think Americans aren't *that* lazy, I'm proven wrong. We're *even lazier.*
posted by explosion at 12:08 PM on April 17 [6 favorites]


When I eat at McDonalds, I ask for a packet of "McChicken sauce" which is essentially mayonnaise. I splurp a splorp of ketchup on the tray and top with the McChicken sauce; tasty fry-dipping then proceeds.
posted by porpoise at 12:12 PM on April 17 [1 favorite]


Wait, what? This is Russian dressing.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 12:12 PM on April 17 [2 favorites]


The internet seems to have invented Marie Rose sauce.

I suppose congratulations are in order.
posted by gauche at 12:12 PM on April 17 [4 favorites]


Okay, new game: how many names are there for this condiment?
posted by gauche at 12:13 PM on April 17 [5 favorites]


ketchup is to be mixed with tabasco or nothing at all, ya freaks
posted by Atom Eyes at 12:14 PM on April 17 [6 favorites]


Is this the thread where we all talk about what we're putting on the hamburgers we hope to grill tonight?

Ketchup, mayo, mustard, sambal oelek, homemade pickles, thanks.
posted by tocts at 12:15 PM on April 17 [3 favorites]


And, like, the thing is: You already have separate mayo and ketchup, because sometimes you need just one or the other. So now you have three things. What convenience!
posted by Sys Rq at 12:16 PM on April 17 [8 favorites]


Isn't this a Puerto Rico thing too?
posted by RolandOfEld at 12:16 PM on April 17 [3 favorites]


honestly what do these fools even think russian dressing and thousand island are

humanity gets stupider with every passing day and i am at one with despair
posted by poffin boffin at 12:16 PM on April 17 [10 favorites]


Sorry everyone this was "invented" in Argentina in the 1920s by Nobel Laureate ) Luis Federico Leloir and is called "golf sauce/salsa golf" (he was awarded the Nobel Prize in 1970 for Chemistry but it was probably not to do with this sauce).
posted by urbanlenny at 12:18 PM on April 17 [2 favorites]


> how many names are there for this condiment?

Add cayenne and it's yum-yum sauce.
posted by ardgedee at 12:19 PM on April 17


What happens if you mix mayochup with dijonnaise?
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 12:21 PM on April 17


In Germany, you can get a tube of the two, unmixed so it comes out like Aquafresh toothpaste, by the name rot weiss.
posted by gauche at 12:21 PM on April 17 [9 favorites]


Also, the title of this post is straight genius.
posted by gauche at 12:22 PM on April 17 [5 favorites]


I know it as crawfish dip or fry sauce.
posted by tofu_crouton at 12:22 PM on April 17 [4 favorites]


anyway we should focus on shaming the real wrongdoers here; yes, i'm talking about the people who dip their pizza in ranch dressing.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:22 PM on April 17 [4 favorites]


Sorry everyone this was "invented" in Argentina in the 1920s

Thousand Islands dressing dates at least as far back as 1912, and Russian dressing, 1900.

Sorry, Argentina.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:23 PM on April 17 [1 favorite]


I've heard this is essentially McDonald's secret sauce.
posted by tommyD at 12:23 PM on April 17


What happens if you mix mayochup with dijonnaise?

Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously, and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:24 PM on April 17 [11 favorites]


I do want fry sauce with the jojos, thank you.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 12:25 PM on April 17 [1 favorite]


Imagine my delight when I discovered you could mix salsa and mayo for dipping with tortilla chips.
posted by TWinbrook8 at 12:26 PM on April 17 [1 favorite]


I've heard this is essentially McDonald's secret sauce.

You need to add pickle relish to Thousand Island to get the Mac sauce.

(BTW mixing McD tartar sauce with Hoy Fung sriracha is lightyears better than this mayochup crap)
posted by JoeZydeco at 12:27 PM on April 17 [1 favorite]


Okay, new game: how many names are there for this condiment?

When my son invented this as a four-year-old, he called it "Moravian sauce". He claimed that it came from Moravia, which he believed was a tiny country nestled between Russia and Mongolia.
posted by Jpfed at 12:30 PM on April 17 [9 favorites]


Seafood cocktails have that kind of sauce, and from that you get the name cocktail sauce. In Iceland it is what most people put on ketchup. Funnily enough most Icelanders grow up believing that cocktail sauce is an Icelandic invention. I remember being shocked when I was watching a video online of a French chef where he whipped up a batch of cocktail sauce. But I should have known that the French had invented it. In its oldest form it's a mix of mayonnaise and sauce tomate (which is closer to spaghetti sauce than ketchup).
posted by Kattullus at 12:33 PM on April 17 [1 favorite]


title!
posted by thelonius at 12:37 PM on April 17


Seafood cocktails have that kind of sauce

Only in northwestern Europe. In North America, at least, cocktail sauce is ketchup and horseradish.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:38 PM on April 17 [9 favorites]


I can never remember the true taste identity of all of those salmon colored dressings.

French...Russian...Catalina...Thousand Island...

I think it's worth noting most of the time those items don't actually end up on salads. Except for Russian dressing, which definitely goes on my taco salad...with black olives ...
posted by Dillionaire at 12:39 PM on April 17


I think it's worth noting most of the time those items don't actually end up on salads. Except for Russian dressing

I've only ever had Thousand Island or French dressing on salads. I've only ever had Russian dressing on reubens. You can't put me in your little boxes.
posted by tobascodagama at 12:47 PM on April 17 [5 favorites]


Mayo I can take or leave. It has its uses as a fatty flavor intensifier in sandwiches and to add a bit of moisture. Ketchup though, I've never been able to wrap my head around. It's just so damned sweet. I've always joked that you might as well save the money and just dump the sugar directly onto your food.

Clearly though, I'm missing something redeeming about, so I'm not gonna take anyone to task for liking it. Different humans like different things. Seems odd to complain about something so simple to create on your own though. If you're gonna have both items in your pantry anyway—and generally haul them out at the same time—why have a dedicated bottle wasting more space?
posted by los pantalones del muerte at 12:52 PM on April 17


I don't feel we're sufficiently appreciating the title.

/munches towards Bethlehem.
posted by leotrotsky at 12:54 PM on April 17 [7 favorites]


los pantalones del muerte: You're not alone in not understanding ketchup. I refuse to put it on anything. I refuse to eat it when it's on anything. There's so many other, better condiments: mustard, hot sauce, barbecue sauce, ranch dressing, almost anything! I'm not even fond of mayonnaise, but I'll deal with it if there's not too much on something, or has been flavored in some fashion. Ketchup, though? That's just how you ruin perfectly good food.
posted by SansPoint at 1:01 PM on April 17


Jpfed "When my son invented this as a four-year-old, he called it "Moravian sauce". He claimed that it came from Moravia, which he believed was a tiny country nestled between Russia and Mongolia."

Well, he wasn't too far off... it was a tiny country between what is now the Czech Republic and Slovakia. Not from Winston-Salem, by any chance, are you? Looks like they have a Moravian Culinary Trail!

I wonder if they use a lot of Mayochup in their cuisine...
posted by Grither at 1:02 PM on April 17 [2 favorites]


Ketchup though, I've never been able to wrap my head around. It's just so damned sweet.

I assume you're also in America? This is a consistent problem with American... well, everything, but condiments in particular.

I think I read something once claiming that tomato ketchup was originally intended, like soy sauce, to be a vegetable-based alternative to fish sauce. Or, more specifically (on double-checking my vague recollection on Wikipedia), ketchup actually referred to a whole category of sauces derived from fish sauce, with tomato ketchup becoming the dominant form of ketchup relatively late, i.e. in the latter 19th century, apparently mainly because fresh tomatoes were a rarity.

The interesting thing there is the idea that umami was probably the original taste that ketchup was meant to satisfy, then sour via the natural acidity of tomatoes. Sweet only happened when Heinz industrialised the production of ketchup and started selling into lots of diverse markets where, presumably, a preference for sweet things was the main common denominator. Thanks, Heinz. Theinz.

Anyway, while it's fairly obvious that mixing mayonnaise and ketchup is fairly easily done at home, I assume that the primary market for this is actually, like, delis, sandwich shops and other small-scale restaurants? Places where you know you're going to have enough recipes that call for mayochup or customers who request it at the table that you don't want to mix a small batch every time but you can't guarantee you'll get enough orders in a given day to justify doing a big batch every morning. Enter: pre-mixed mayochup in shelf-stable plastic bottles.
posted by tobascodagama at 1:17 PM on April 17 [3 favorites]


Mayonnaise, ketchup and mustard in various combos are the basis for a bunch of quick sauces. Add horseradish to mustard and ketchup and you have cocktail sauce, add relish to mayo for tartar sauce, add lemon to mayo for a quasi-hollandaise, add sriracha to mustard and mayo and you get a something not far off aji that is good for chicken, add ketchup to a vinaigrette for french dressing, add mayo to that to make it thousand island, etc.

If you use one of the combos enough that it becomes a pain to mix it every time and get the right balance, not particularly weird to buy it premixed.
posted by tavella at 1:18 PM on April 17


Funny, ketchup reads as tangy rather than sweet to me. I mean I know there's sugar in there, but it's just balancing the tomatos and vinegar. I don't get the hate for ketchup.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 1:22 PM on April 17 [5 favorites]


If we're now talking about alternative sauces, the two that I love are mixing a combo of mayo/aoli & chopped chilies that comes with my peruvian chicken, and this drool-worthy curry sauce from our irish fish & chips place. I seriously could drink that stuff.

Kids love ketchup, which is probably why the sweet version is "America's Favorite"
posted by Hermeowne Grangepurr at 1:24 PM on April 17 [2 favorites]


Amateurs.

It’s Gochujang and mayo. Eat it on anything. Or just straight with a spoon. Slather it on your body to attract mates. Fill a public pool with it to become mayor. Give me a big enough jar of Gochumayo, and I‘ll conquer the world.
posted by The Toad at 1:40 PM on April 17 [12 favorites]


oh man, that reminds me that I had Ssamjang recently, and it was so good. At the end of the night I was scooping that stuff up with the extra lettuce.

I will not lie, salsa and smooth peanut butter is also very good.
posted by Hermeowne Grangepurr at 1:48 PM on April 17 [3 favorites]


In Germany, you can get a tube of the two, unmixed so it comes out like Aquafresh toothpaste, by the name rot weiss .
posted by gauche at 12:21 PM on April 17 [2 favorites −] Favorite added! [!]

Wow! that is fricking genius. And it reminds me of the early Lars von Trier movie, Epidemic. (Relevant to the post title) The thing is, I like to have both mayo and ketchup on my burgers (yeah, spite me), but I really detest the pink sauces. I don't know why it makes a difference that they are mixed, but it does, and now I want to go to Germany just to get freaky striped red-white condiment tubes.
posted by mumimor at 1:50 PM on April 17 [1 favorite]


"Moravian sauce" is in fact an actual sauce, frequently served with trout or perch, and it's delightful! But it is not ketchup-based and does not contain mayo.

I don't really understand mayo? If it doesn't have currypowder mixed in it, I feel like it's a waste of my time. Ketchup/mayo nets you the worst of both: bland fattiness and toned-down tanginess.
posted by halation at 1:50 PM on April 17 [1 favorite]


the people who dip their pizza in ranch dressing

What the...why do...how could...?

My god. The world is an empty, cold, cruel place and our species is nothing but an an asylum-load of failed monkeys.
posted by PlusDistance at 1:55 PM on April 17 [4 favorites]


The content is of no interest to me but the title? Truly best of the web!
posted by wotsac at 1:56 PM on April 17


PlusDistance: I won't lie, I've put ranch dressing on pizza. Not dipped it, but poured some on a slice and ate it. It was actually pretty tasty. It's not something I'd do on anything approaching a regular basis, but if I find myself with a thing of ranch dressing and a slice of plain pizza, I would certainly consider it again.
posted by SansPoint at 2:05 PM on April 17 [1 favorite]


Isn't that what is called fry sauce in Utah, and is served with french fries?
posted by mermayd at 2:05 PM on April 17 [1 favorite]


When I was a kid, it was called gookum, and we ate it on our fish sticks.
posted by Tool of the Conspiracy at 2:12 PM on April 17


the people who dip their pizza in ranch dressing

What the...why do...how could...?

My god. The world is an empty, cold, cruel place and our species is nothing but an an asylum-load of failed monkeys.


I take it you've never had the pizza from my college dorm. Or the dinner rolls. Or just about anything else, which, to become palatable, veritably cried out to be dipped in ranch. One gets a whole other perspective on the food possibilities of Dipping Food Into Ranch when one lives in a dorm that has been known to serve stuffed bell peppers that resulted in 3 full days of indigestion.
posted by tclark at 2:13 PM on April 17 [3 favorites]


Rot Weiß sauce
posted by chavenet at 2:14 PM on April 17 [2 favorites]


it ain’t a huge chore to squirt two separate bottles, y’know?


But when there's four bottles, or five.... and mixing dissimilar ingredients can cause reaction problems.

So,

What we need is standardized condiment modules that engage with matching openings in the chamber-jig of a synchronized splork gun, powered electrically, or by compressed air, or ethically harvested unicorn farts, with expulsion velocity adjustable from a wee dribble to an explosive FWEEEEB.

Oh, and the premium model has Bluetooth.
posted by CynicalKnight at 2:27 PM on April 17 [6 favorites]


When I eat at McDonalds, I ask for a packet of "McChicken sauce" which is essentially mayonnaise. I splurp a splorp of ketchup on the tray and top with the McChicken sauce; tasty fry-dipping then proceeds.
posted by porpoise


Directly on the tray? That's gross. Do they even clean those things? Ever?
posted by Splunge at 2:27 PM on April 17 [2 favorites]


MetaFilter: nothing but an an asylum-load of failed monkeys
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 2:32 PM on April 17 [5 favorites]


Directly on the tray?

Of course not - trays come with those paper liners.
posted by porpoise at 3:59 PM on April 17 [3 favorites]


First of all, since Heinz merged with Kraft (which has been making Mayo for eons) over a year ago, I don't understand why it's under the Heinz brand umbrella... it seems a more natural Heinz-themed product.

Also, I go WAY back with ketchup-mayo mixes, working in my teen years at McDonalds, where Big Mac Sauce was obviously mayo, ketchup and a little relish, definitely 1000 Island (and pre-made and sent in from corporate) and also at rival burger-slingers Jack in the Box, which countered with a Special Sauce that was only ketchup and mayo, very Russian Dressing. And In and Out Burger's "spread" is an obvious copy of Big Mac sauce (but the quality of the meat under it does make a difference).

I've been putting pre-made 1000 Island on burgers for a long time, but more recently I discovered Bob's Big Boy brand refrigerated 1000 was the most "BigMac/In&Out-like" I'd ever used, so I now use that for most of my Generic Spread/Dressing needs. Interesting, because Bob's Big Boy was a double-deck cheeseburger decades before the Big Mac BUT it always used a 'red relish' with some ketchup on one side of the meat and plain mayo on the other (well, it was interesting to me).

Still, I like to mix my own 'Tartar Sauce' with Miracle Whip (not Mayo), Dill Relish (not sweet) and a spritz of lemon juice, and my own 'Cocktail Sauce' with Ketchup, jarred Horseradish (absolutely NOT 'Horseradish Sauce') and lemon juice. Because I'm weird, and I got big bottles of lemon juice at Costco.
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:02 PM on April 17 [1 favorite]


It's also the only two ingredients in In-N-Out "spread", if that hasn't been mentioned.
posted by Brocktoon at 4:02 PM on April 17


Oh, and the premium model has Bluetooth.

How do you expect anyone to hack it remotely if it doesn't at least have WiFi?
posted by shponglespore at 4:15 PM on April 17


So complainig loudly enough on Twitter can actually effect brand supply for different countries?

Who can I contact at Kellogs to get the Unicorn breakfast cereal on UK Supermarket shelves, because I need me some Unicorn cereal ASAP!
posted by Faintdreams at 4:53 PM on April 17 [1 favorite]


I love mixing vegenaise with Valentinas or sriracha or anything along those lines.
posted by gucci mane at 5:09 PM on April 17


The thing is, I like to have both mayo and ketchup on my burgers (yeah, spite me), but I really detest the pink sauces. I don't know why it makes a difference that they are mixed, but it does, and now I want to go to Germany just to get freaky striped red-white condiment tubes.

That is funny, because I like fry sauce (or other local terms for the mixed sauces) for the exact opposite reason. You never get a bite that is disproportionately heavy on either condiment, it's always the perfect blended mixture. Striped sauce would be my nightmare.

Fry sauce is one of the nice parts about the intermountain west, and crossing the mountains in either direction means a downgrade on the condiment front.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:40 PM on April 17 [1 favorite]


MAYO AND HOT SAUCE, OR NOTHING
posted by duffell at 5:42 PM on April 17


Growing up, after the divorce, my mother remarried and I instantly had three new step-siblings for a time. When two families start to blend together, you inevitably experience the emotional rollercoaster of traditions clashing: what cookies to make for Christmas (Russian tea cakes and toffee), what meat to serve as the main dish for Thanksgiving (prime rib you heathens), who makes Mom breakfast on Mother's Day (it's the kids, the answer is the kids, what is even the point of having children in the first place if you don't eventually train them to cook for you???)

Anyway, one of the "traditions" they introduced my family to was the concept of "Secret Sauce". Whenever we had fries or chicken nuggets or eggs (?! there's a reason they're not married anymore), there was Secret Sauce served alongside it. It tasted.. ok I guess? but my mom's husband and his kids would eat it up, every meal it seemed like. And since it was a sacred recipe in their family, no one was allowed to witness it being made, or know the ingredients. I was shooed out of the kitchen several times because the Secret Sauce was being prepared.

So obviously, I snuck into the kitchen shortly after we all moved in together and watched him make it.

It was just ketchup and mayo.

I immediately ran from the kitchen and told his children what the secret sauce was made of. There were tears, and a lot of yelling. I ruined their Secret Sauce tradition. I had no right to tell his kids.

My mom came into the living room to find out what the ruckus was over, and once she found out what the ingredients were, said plainly, "That's it?"

I didn't get in trouble for it because of how dumb a secret it was. NO REGRETS
posted by Snacks at 5:57 PM on April 17 [7 favorites]


Ketchup mixed with blue cheese dressing. You're welcome.
posted by gatorae at 7:08 PM on April 17


Who can I contact at Kellogs to get the Unicorn breakfast cereal on UK Supermarket shelves, because I need me some Unicorn cereal ASAP!

Are you referring to the new Lucky Charms marshmallow?
1. Lucky Charms are made by General Mills, not Kellogg’s. (Abroad, I believe they’re in partnership with Nestlé, so try badgering them.)
2. Do you want to restart the Troubles? Because marketing Lucky Charms to the UK is how you restart the Troubles.
3. Lucky Charms are completely fucking disgusting.
posted by Sys Rq at 7:31 PM on April 17 [3 favorites]


so wait wait wait, you're in germany, and you're going to put ketchup and mayo in a tube, a mixture so dull that they actually just called it red and white, on your food? when Löwensenf is right there? I don't understand.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 8:10 PM on April 17 [2 favorites]


I like mayo. I dislike ketchup, though I find McDonalds hamburgers unappealing without it. And condiments with ketchup mixed up in them are acceptable.

Dijonaisse does exist, and it is delicious.

My wife has been known to put Thousand Island Dressing on salad.
posted by lhauser at 8:13 PM on April 17


Ctrl F: Kewpie

No results.

People, any discussion about mayonnaise is incomplete without the inclusion of Kewpie Mayonnaise. Creamy and sweet, this stuff mixes perfectly well with ketchup. Also Kewpie mayo is the best goddamn substance on Earth.
posted by zardoz at 8:54 PM on April 17 [4 favorites]


Not really happy about this fake news. They only had one negative option in the poll (yes, I voted) and it was "No thanks, I'll mix my own." not "Fuck off, you soulless bastards. The very thought of this will leave me sleepless for months." or something like that.
posted by Samizdata at 8:58 PM on April 17 [1 favorite]


> zardoz:
"Ctrl F: Kewpie

No results.

People, any discussion about mayonnaise is incomplete without the inclusion of Kewpie Mayonnaise. Creamy and sweet, this stuff mixes perfectly well with ketchup. Also Kewpie mayo is the best goddamn substance on Earth."


How about some of us don't live in/can't afford to move to Tokyo, and you recognize that, and stop taunting us?
posted by Samizdata at 9:03 PM on April 17


Also, I went on Twitter and told them the same (although G-rated).
posted by Samizdata at 9:14 PM on April 17


some of us don't live in/can't afford to move to Tokyo

Safeway's carried Kewpie for a couple years now around here, I want to say. It's p. mainstream by now
posted by CrystalDave at 9:42 PM on April 17 [1 favorite]


They should mix tomato sauce & mayonaiise next. That might be worth trying.
posted by AnhydrousLove at 10:42 PM on April 17


In the kitchen where I work, we serve waffle fries, which have the unfortunate habit of breaking in the bags, leaving us with assorted bits that really shouldn't be served to customers. That means we end up with the bits from a couple bags worth of fries, and boom, kitchen snacks. Ketchup and mayo is nice, something I've gotten into over the years, but when it's slow, there's time to experiment. So far, the winner is mayo, apple vinegar, black pepper, and habanero hot sauce, mixed in with a dash of lime. Sambal and mayo is also pretty fantastic.
posted by Ghidorah at 10:51 PM on April 17 [2 favorites]


> CrystalDave:
"some of us don't live in/can't afford to move to Tokyo

Safeway's carried Kewpie for a couple years now around here, I want to say. It's p. mainstream by now"


No Safeway either. Haven't seen it in the local stores. Which sucks because this is ANOTHER great recco I have read (both here and other places) on Kewpie.
posted by Samizdata at 12:08 AM on April 18


Mayo and ketchup are two of the three ingredients (3rd being diced raw onion) for the inferior version of the speciaal sauce that we put on both fries and frikadellen here in .nl

The superior version uses curry ketchup instead, usually called curry.

The curry sauce carried in UK fish & chips shops is not the same.

Ask me how disappointed I was when I found out.
posted by MartinWisse at 5:05 AM on April 18 [2 favorites]


Pizza place around here sells a “Rancheroni” pizza - pepperoni with ranch dressing. It is great and those of you who don’t like the idea can order something different.

Ketchup + sriracha is one of my favorites.

Mayochup... yeah, that’s a dumb name and I will prolly stick to straight mayo (I like the Hellmanns) and ketchup (because my kid won’t eat the former, so a mixed batch would be a waste). But the Hellmanns ketchup? Yeah I’ll try that.

once in college my roommate and I got into an argument over mayo, because his Nevada-dwelling parents sent him a jar of Best Foods mayo and all of the Michigan-native guys were razzing him that it was generic and his attempts to convince us that Best Foods was a real brand fell on deaf ears; when he sang the Best Foods jingle we were all “nice try! That’s the Hellmanns jingle, you’re really reaching here buddy”. We all had a pretty good laugh out of it once we checked the fine print on the label and realized it was the same damn brand. This was our first collective encounter with regional brand name differences...
posted by caution live frogs at 5:31 AM on April 18 [4 favorites]


Why would you put ranch ON the pizza when you are going to dip it in ranch before each bite anyway?
posted by tofu_crouton at 5:56 AM on April 18 [1 favorite]


H Mart and other speciality Asian grocery stores should always have Kewpie! You can even order it on Amazon Prime. My partner and I require it to live.

Pro tip: mix Kewpie, Sriracha, and lime juice. Serve with everything, though it’s especially good on fish tacos. (This is just what that pink sauce you find on Americanized sushi is, but I’m gonna admit it’s tasty).

I am also a vote for Hela or Zeisner curry ketchup for curry wurst, which I imagine would be delicious mixed with mayo.
posted by faineg at 6:50 AM on April 18 [2 favorites]


I've seen this all over the world marketed as "American Sauce"
posted by mkuhnell at 7:28 AM on April 18


Is it that hard to mix? Every time I think Americans aren't *that* lazy, I'm proven wrong. We're *even lazier.*--explosion

I'm never convinced by the 'too lazy' arguments. It is probably really an 'I'm not used to this' statement, because you could use the argument against just about anything in the store.

You buy yogurt with the fruit already in it? Why are Americans so lazy?
posted by eye of newt at 8:07 AM on April 18 [1 favorite]


We mixed ketchup and mayo when we ate crab on Saturdays around the kitchen table (my aunt worked at a seafood packing warehouse). Good times.

I haven't had Thousand Island in a while, but doesn't it have little pieces of relish in it?

And finally, Harissa-Mayo on a burger. You're welcome.
posted by like_neon at 9:10 AM on April 18


Ranch dressing is fine on salad. It is also fine on crudités, which are really just a first cousin to salad. Please keep it far away from any other food you intend to serve me, including but not limited to sandwiches, pizza, chips (potato, tortilla, or otherwise), Buffalo wings, and casseroles.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 9:43 AM on April 18


Normally, I hate plain mayo... so, anything to give it some flavour... Miracle Whip (huh, I just thought it was flavoured, sweet mayo, apparently not, yuck), Dijonaise, etc.

Since Christmas we have whipped-up two batches of Siracha mayo... Mmmm, good on fries, egg creations, sandwiches, and well... nearly anything...

However... Ketchup/Mayo combination just does not sound appetizing. There is a hamburger place in Calgary (Peter's Drive-In), which I believe makes their "BBQ sauce" out of what seems to be a mixture of Ketchup, Mayo & Mustard... (I never tasted any 'BBQ' flavour, and well... it was a muddy brown/green colour IIRC)...
posted by jkaczor at 11:08 AM on April 18


DevilsAdvocate: I'll have your ranch then, and will happily dip my chicken tenders and french fries in it. (Though for that family of foods, I'd prefer mustard-based sauce, a barbecue sauce, or a hot sauce. Sometimes, though, one just craves a little Ranch.)
posted by SansPoint at 11:20 AM on April 18


literally the only good use for ranch, in my opinion, is buffalo wings, because blue cheese dressing is a curse laid upon humanity by a cruel, unfeeling god
i mean, it has... chunks *shudder*
posted by halation at 11:29 AM on April 18 [2 favorites]


also i just did a ctrl-f for chipotle mayo and i need all of you to know that you are not living your best lives (it's even available in vegan format)
posted by halation at 11:32 AM on April 18 [1 favorite]


halation: I'll have your bleu cheese dressing, too, then. The chunks are the best part!
posted by SansPoint at 11:39 AM on April 18 [2 favorites]


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