Careful man, there's a beverage here.
July 4, 2018 9:05 PM   Subscribe

Whenever a company sends us water to review I always find myself at a loss. From a recent review at ThirstyDudes.com, which has been reviewing nonalcoholic beverages for most of this decade.
posted by MoonOrb (26 comments total) 27 users marked this as a favorite
 
Man, I love it when an innocent-yet-aged website gets caught up in new slang.
posted by grandiloquiet at 9:17 PM on July 4, 2018 [9 favorites]


This was surely made with modern day witchcraft, which is probably no different than olden day witchcraft. Herbs and other ingredients were mixed together to create what they call a tonic, but lets me honest here this is a potion; a delicious potion that I simply cannot get enough of. Sure I could go down to my local apothecary shop and pick up the ingredients to mix a potion of my own for relaxation and “bliss”, but why would I bother when this is available and so darn delicious. This is a concoction of linden flowers, saffron, lavender blossoms, chamomile, elder flowers, lemon verbena, sage leaf, and butterfly pea flower; all slow brewed to a wonderfully tasty beverage. It is lightly sweetly floral without tasting like you are licking a grandma. I feel good drinking this and I believe you will too. Embrace witchcraft. Drink potions, even if they are disguised as tonics.

I am charmed.
posted by medusa at 9:22 PM on July 4, 2018 [11 favorites]


How have I never heard about this, I’m a thirsty dude.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 10:32 PM on July 4, 2018 [4 favorites]


The water the dude is at a loss over is a hydrogen water, that is, a sparkling water which is made sparkling by hydrogen gas rather than carbon dioxide, and which I have been waiting years for somebody to make.

But the dude does not use 'hydrogen' in the body of his review and says he thinks it's some kind of mineral water -- and the URL the dude gives for the manufacturer is totally borked, but I think the page I link above is the one it was meant to refer to.

If you look at that page, I think you can see that it's probably the real deal (as opposed to the hoax Asahi hydrogen beer that made the rounds some years ago, and which I believe there was even an FPP about) because there are some really strange design features which would be necessitated by the presence of molecular hydrogen, such as the fact that the water comes in an aluminized plastic pouch with an aluminum spout instead of the usual glass or plastic bottle.

I suspect it's in a pouch which would collapse as you drank because if it came in say a liter bottle, after you drank most of it and put the cap back on, you'd have a big air space in the bottle containing 20% oxygen into which hydrogen from the remaining liquid would diffuse, and that could be an explosive mixture in some circumstances. Plus, the dude mentions that the cap doesn't seal properly when you put it back on, and I think that's another design feature which will prevent the pouch from inflating with flammable hydrogen when you recap it.

The aluminization is required because hydrogen would diffuse through the pores of ordinary plastic and even through glass, although I think the mechanism is slightly different than simple diffusion through pores, and may involve hydrogen's affinity for the oxygen in the -SiO2- of glass.

But I also think all that careful design is for naught, and that it can't have the significant health effects the manufacturer claims, because something like two thirds of people in the US have intestinal bacteria which already produce hydrogen gas in far greater quantities than you could ever get from drinking that water -- not to mention that big hydrogen generators tend not to have optimal bowel health anyway.
posted by jamjam at 11:37 PM on July 4, 2018 [40 favorites]


Yay, I love foodproduct reviews! (pours one out for chowhound's Supertaster Daily)
posted by batter_my_heart at 12:04 AM on July 5, 2018


I think the page I link above is the one it was meant to refer to.

clicky

WHY CELEBS АRЕ DRINKING HYDROGEN WATER & WHY YOU SHOULD TОО

sighs, closes page, opens faucet, drinks.
posted by Devonian at 12:53 AM on July 5, 2018 [5 favorites]


WHY CELEBS АRЕ DRINKING HYDROGEN WATER & WHY YOU SHOULD TОО

the humanity
posted by thelonius at 1:26 AM on July 5, 2018 [3 favorites]


The aluminization is required because hydrogen would diffuse through the pores of ordinary plastic and even through glass,

Wouldn't that be a good thing, as it would reduce the, er, bombiness?

I write this as a hardcore LTA advocate who has actually flown in a contemporary-issue helium-lofted zeppelin.
posted by mwhybark at 1:42 AM on July 5, 2018 [1 favorite]


Also, one would think hydrogen-carbonated consumer beverages would be frowned upon for mass transport by both commercial transport regulators and insurers. I'm going with "not hydrogen carbonated."
posted by mwhybark at 1:46 AM on July 5, 2018


Thank you for your service jamjam but I have a fundamental question:

Do hydro-burps feel any different?
posted by tirutiru at 2:12 AM on July 5, 2018 [3 favorites]


Embrace witchcraft. Drink potions, even if they are disguised as tonics.

I am charmed.




Me too! It sounds delish!


*observes the $30 per 6-pack price tag, not including shipping, which they won’t estimate unless I give them all of my personal info first*


Ah...er...I think I just made my saving throw to break the charm...
posted by darkstar at 2:40 AM on July 5, 2018 [9 favorites]


It is lightly sweetly floral without tasting like you are licking a grandma.

stop

turn

explain how you know what grandmas taste like when licked
posted by delfin at 6:05 AM on July 5, 2018 [6 favorites]


Imagination! 🌈
posted by Celsius1414 at 6:30 AM on July 5, 2018 [4 favorites]


explain how you know what grandmas taste like when licked

I'm pretty sure at least one person I've licked in my lifetime has since become a grandma... they can't taste that different now.
posted by eustacescrubb at 6:44 AM on July 5, 2018 [4 favorites]


[mods, might be good to change the link to this direct one, since the link in the FPP is just to the homepage and recent reviews are pushing down the one in question.]
posted by knownassociate at 6:59 AM on July 5, 2018


and the URL the dude gives for the manufacturer is totally borked,

It's here.
posted by dobbs at 7:47 AM on July 5, 2018


Mod note: Updated the post with the permalink to the actual entry.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:27 AM on July 5, 2018 [1 favorite]


I recall once, overseas, someone served me an creme de violette and the first words out of my mouth were “It tastes like grandma.”

Which, of course, made for an awkward moment afterward. Of course, I was referring to the cloying, potently floral quality of the ointments and unguents I was accustomed to smelling around the elderly women in my family and church that characterized the archetype of “grandma” to me.

However, my own Grandma dipped snuff, and although I loved her to bits while she was alive, when she kissed you, it had a rather different impact.
posted by darkstar at 8:31 AM on July 5, 2018 [1 favorite]


This is possibly the ideal use of the url ThirstyDudes.com
posted by a hat out of hell at 8:38 AM on July 5, 2018 [2 favorites]


Oooh, this site is an excellent thing to pass on to someone in my life who does not drink and is always interested in finding tasty (and/or weird) nonalcoholic beverages. Thank you for the link!
posted by Stacey at 8:54 AM on July 5, 2018 [1 favorite]


I write this as a hardcore LTA advocate who has actually flown in a contemporary-issue helium-lofted zeppelin.

Jesus! Want to blow us all to shit, Sherlock?

And I just realized that practically all of my favorite lines from Archer come from that one episode...
posted by Naberius at 10:11 AM on July 5, 2018 [1 favorite]


Thirsty AF.
posted by octobersurprise at 10:30 AM on July 5, 2018


WHY CELEBS АRЕ DRINKING HYDROGEN WATER & WHY YOU SHOULD TОО


AEOO? What steganography was this?
posted by clew at 11:34 AM on July 5, 2018


Of course, I was referring to the cloying, potently floral quality of the ointments and unguents I was accustomed to smelling around the elderly women in my family and church that characterized the archetype of “grandma” to me.

You misspelled "the smell of Hendricks." :)
posted by praemunire at 1:07 PM on July 5, 2018 [1 favorite]


also see - up-and-coming Norwich girl duo, Let's Eat Grandma.
posted by Devonian at 6:27 AM on July 6, 2018


The water the dude is at a loss over is a hydrogen water, that is, a sparkling water which is made sparkling by hydrogen gas rather than carbon dioxide, and which I have been waiting years for somebody to make.

The problem here is that hydrogen is 1000 times less soluble than CO2 by weight, 50 times by gas volume. That means it just isn't possible to get any appreciable hydrogen fizz. Acetylene would work though, if that's to your liking!
posted by Herr Zebrurka at 7:24 PM on July 6, 2018


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