How to Be Anxious
July 13, 2018 11:13 AM   Subscribe

Just the thought of clicking that link sends me to the zone, that moment just prior to hyperventilating where everything pauses for just the wrong reason.
posted by sammyo at 11:22 AM on July 13, 2018

*reads a few paragraphs, stops, skips forward, stops, begins twitching in their seat, closes tab rapidly and pushes laptop away to pace around the room, a faint "snap!" as the toothpick in their mouth breaks*
posted by loquacious at 11:33 AM on July 13, 2018 [3 favorites]

I am a gazelle. A graceful, peaceful, sweaty, nauseous, hyperventilating gazelle.
posted by Two unicycles and some duct tape at 12:08 PM on July 13, 2018 [5 favorites]

Well, that was fun. I found that it distracted me from That Thing that I can't control but can't ignore. But only for a little while. I suppose I could go back to trying very hard not to vomit.
posted by Midnight Skulker at 12:16 PM on July 13, 2018

For the only bit that's missing is the need to find a mirror to confirm that the group of people down the hall who was laughing, was laughing at me in general, not at something specifically wrong with me which I could fix if it weren't already too late.

posted by Foosnark at 12:20 PM on July 13, 2018

I've had bad, bad anxiety for as long as I can remember and apparently I can't even do that properly, if this is what it's like for other people.
posted by bile and syntax at 12:37 PM on July 13, 2018 [3 favorites]

Awesomely, I'm emetophobic - nausea and vomiting (or even talking about them!) set off panic attacks. So, uh, I guess I'm doing it right?
posted by hanov3r at 12:41 PM on July 13, 2018

It me.
posted by twilightlost at 12:46 PM on July 13, 2018

What are the different breathing pattern and systems described ? Maybe this is the thing that will actually make a difference in my life.
posted by tedious at 5:09 PM on July 13, 2018

Hmmm. I guess I really don’t have anxiety. This article did nothing. It’s like when I read suspense novels. I know I’m supposed to be freaked out, but nothing happens.
posted by greermahoney at 5:34 PM on July 13, 2018

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