All hail Gritty.
September 24, 2018 8:52 AM   Subscribe

"The Philadelphia Flyers have unearthed something amazing, and also possibly horrible they are now unleashing on the world. Meet Gritty."
posted by everybody had matching towels (105 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
 
Oh, Gritty! I know him! That's the guy who the Philly Phanatic used to hang out with in high school, but he got really fucking violent whenever he drank and made creepy comments about every girl in the group, so the Phanatic hasn't talked to him in ages, and is kind of horrified to they're in the same line of work and doesn't know what he'll say when they inevitably run into each other.
posted by Tomorrowful at 8:56 AM on September 24, 2018 [26 favorites]


I have hated the Flyers since the Legion Of Doom days. This unholy goggle-eyed nightmare is doing nothing to change that.
posted by lumpenprole at 8:56 AM on September 24, 2018


(I am a Philadelphian. I would like everybody to know that, in the hours since this news broke, we are uniformly united in shock and dismay at this news. We hope that the nation will stand with our city in this trying time as we try to figure out what the fuck is going on with the Flyers.)
posted by Tomorrowful at 8:57 AM on September 24, 2018 [34 favorites]


how is this not from The Onion
who focus grouped this
everything from the name to the character design is a punchline in the worst/best way
posted by halation at 8:57 AM on September 24, 2018 [7 favorites]


That panache gif in the article. I know I've seen that before. Somewhere. Oh, yeah, there.
posted by Ghidorah at 8:58 AM on September 24, 2018


We hope that the nation will stand with our city in this trying time

we hear you, Philadelphia, and we will unite with you in flinging batteries at this nightmare creature, as is tradition, until its evil is vanquished
posted by halation at 8:59 AM on September 24, 2018 [7 favorites]


Meh.  Looks like a muppet. I am disappoint. Expected to be terrified, shrugged instead.
posted by los pantalones del muerte at 8:59 AM on September 24, 2018


He's not a patch on Toomgis, that's for sure.
posted by Strange Interlude at 9:06 AM on September 24, 2018 [1 favorite]


I'll just leave this here.
posted by pipeski at 9:08 AM on September 24, 2018 [3 favorites]


I dunno. Even Gritty must bow when, roused from its slumber in ancient Carcosa Glasgow, Kingsley strides across an ocean of dust to cast his terrible, cold rays upon our ravaged shores.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:08 AM on September 24, 2018 [6 favorites]


Still not as bad as Steely McBeam.
posted by octothorpe at 9:12 AM on September 24, 2018 [5 favorites]


If the Flyers have to have a mascot, it should be either called "The Broad Street Bully" and be a stereotypical Hockey Enforcer type, or it should be someone dressed as Kate Smith. Not this abomination.
posted by SansPoint at 9:14 AM on September 24, 2018 [6 favorites]


He's no Fort Wayne Mad Ant, but then again, these days, even the Mad Ant is a shadow of his former glory.
posted by Ghidorah at 9:16 AM on September 24, 2018 [3 favorites]


At least your team isn’t opening each game with an inane Game of Thrones community theater production. And apparently also paying NBC to broadcast it in its ridiculous entirity prior to games. Fuck you, Vegas.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 9:19 AM on September 24, 2018 [4 favorites]


INTO IT. I'm ready for some behind the scenes puff pieces where Giroux introduces Gritty to his dogs, and Ghost takes Gritty out for a cheesesteak. JVR performing arcane rituals to keep Gritty's eldritch powers at bay and protect local infrastructure. Cute team bonding stuff, you know.
posted by a fiendish thingy at 9:22 AM on September 24, 2018 [4 favorites]


Just so we’re all clear here, Gritty was a subterranean entity that existed in the bowels of the earth and was only forced to the surface when humanity explored too far. Gritty is an Old One, and this is canon.

I'm sorry, SBNation, but no. If the people of Philadelphia delved to greedily and too deep, then Gritty is a Balrog.

That's actually a surprisingly appropriate mascot for the Flyers, so . . . okay.
posted by The Bellman at 9:29 AM on September 24, 2018 [6 favorites]


Gritty is just Scott Hartnell after a blowout.
posted by gladly at 9:49 AM on September 24, 2018 [3 favorites]


So he's a literal piece of dirt? Seems like a dangerous thing to have on the surface of the ice.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:13 AM on September 24, 2018 [2 favorites]


This is Grimace infected with protomolecule.
posted by stevis23 at 10:16 AM on September 24, 2018 [22 favorites]


I don't care what you all say, it's nice to see that Bruce Vilanch is still finding work these days.
posted by ZaphodB at 10:18 AM on September 24, 2018 [16 favorites]


Man, Gritty really captures the heart and soul of Philadelphia.
posted by JamesBay at 10:55 AM on September 24, 2018 [4 favorites]


I'm a Devils fan living in Philly territory. I don't wish ill to the Flyers but Gritty looks like someone asked Homer Simpson to draw a concussion.
posted by kimberussell at 10:57 AM on September 24, 2018 [15 favorites]


You can just sense the sadness in those eyes, it's clear Gritty has seen some shit.
posted by GoblinHoney at 10:59 AM on September 24, 2018 [3 favorites]


Pretty sure that is just Bobby Clarke from his playing days before his soul was ripped from his body (as is required when you join NHL management)
posted by srboisvert at 11:05 AM on September 24, 2018 [2 favorites]


From the link:

His father was a "bully," so naturally he has some of those tendencies - talented but feisty, a fierce competitor, known for his agility given his size. He's loyal but mischievous; the ultimate Flyers fan who loves the orange and black, but is unwelcoming to anyone who opposes his team. Legend has it he earned the name "Gritty" for possessing an attitude so similar to the team he follows.

He claims that he's been around for a lot longer than we know it, and recent construction at the Wells Fargo Center disturbed his secret hideout forcing him to show his face publicly for the first time. He has some oddities that are both humorous and strange. A number of times he's been caught eating snow straight from the Zamboni machine, and unbeknown to most, his love of hot dogs has been inflating the Flyers Dollar Dog Night consumption totals for years.

That being said, there's no denying that he's one of our own.


What the actual hell is this shit? HAHA CYCLE OF ABUSE CONTINUES LOL

I live in Philly so I'm allowed to, I dunno, have strong feelings I guess but damn. That his canonical backstory includes this crap is pretty bizarre and a shame.
posted by lazaruslong at 11:22 AM on September 24, 2018 [11 favorites]


I’m on the NHSL cackling like a fiend my sanity is precarious because of politics and gritty has done it I’m insane now
posted by angrycat at 11:26 AM on September 24, 2018 [6 favorites]


His father was a "bully,"

...are they implying that one of the Broad Street Bullies fathered this creature and entombed him within a labyrinth beneath the stadium?

I...what???
posted by a fiendish thingy at 11:31 AM on September 24, 2018 [14 favorites]


Humans::Wilbur Whateley
Philly Phanatic::Gritty
posted by benzenedream at 11:36 AM on September 24, 2018 [1 favorite]


I can't wait for video technology to reach the point where we can insert Gritty into The Goon because that will be amazing
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 11:58 AM on September 24, 2018


Not to shame belly fat, but why does Gritty have such pendulous belly? Is it to make you want to hug him? It's probably viewing it through the filter this week but it feels vaguely predatory, the way he swings it, as if to say look at my big big belly /belly bounces
posted by angrycat at 12:28 PM on September 24, 2018 [1 favorite]


Not to shame belly fat, but why does Gritty have such pendulous belly?

Probably that thing they eat with the horse meat and cheese...cheesesteaks, they call them, I think.
posted by thelonius at 12:33 PM on September 24, 2018 [4 favorites]


Bob Clarke took one look at Gritty and started screaming PUT HIM ON THE FOURTH LINE, HE'S A MUCKER AND A GRINDER
posted by delfin at 12:36 PM on September 24, 2018 [6 favorites]


If I have a cookout with enough hot dogs, will it summon Gritty? Please say yes

This is Grimace infected with protomolecule.

For those unfamiliar with Grimace's origins: meet Evil Grimace.
posted by duffell at 12:36 PM on September 24, 2018 [2 favorites]


I can't stop laughing the cats are concerned
posted by angrycat at 12:39 PM on September 24, 2018 [2 favorites]


We all know he's awful but we on his way out Paul Holmgren signed him for 10 years at 10.5 AAV so we're stuck with him.
posted by cmfletcher at 12:40 PM on September 24, 2018 [1 favorite]


the EYES. why.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:43 PM on September 24, 2018 [1 favorite]


...are they implying that one of the Broad Street Bullies fathered this creature and entombed him within a labyrinth beneath the stadium?

It all started when Bernie Parent met the Ghost of Christmas Present from the Muppet Christmas Carol at a mid-season promotional event. Their eyes met and they knew their bond was powerful, true, and strong, but also that the cruel society in which they lived would never understand it.
posted by Copronymus at 12:48 PM on September 24, 2018 [6 favorites]


For those unfamiliar with Grimace's origins: meet Evil Grimace.

Wait, Regular Grimace is meant to be not evil? I think I'm not living in the timeline I thought I was living in.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:52 PM on September 24, 2018


Actually, I take it back. Gritty's already on the Flyers' second line.
posted by delfin at 1:01 PM on September 24, 2018 [2 favorites]


WE have one of the old ones mascoting for OUR hockey team - Gritty's just an overstuffed doll with funny eyes

AL's a beast
posted by pyramid termite at 1:02 PM on September 24, 2018 [1 favorite]


god i just remembered that askme where the OP's cat was having urinary problems and he took the cat to the vet and after the exam the vet commented on the cat's "unusually gritty genitals" and now these two wholly separate things are forever united in my mind.

Gritty Knows What He Did
posted by poffin boffin at 1:04 PM on September 24, 2018 [8 favorites]


Gritty? Team Rocket just called, they want you to get back into the damn pokeball.
posted by happyroach at 1:07 PM on September 24, 2018


Gritty is kinda weird but is not even close to the most terrifying mascot in the world.
posted by suckerpunch at 1:17 PM on September 24, 2018 [7 favorites]


Gritty has convinced me to embrace hockey for the first time ever, and Philadelphia is my team. This is going to annoy the ever-loving shit out of my son, who practically wept when Ottawa traded Erik Karlsson to the Sharks.
posted by JamesBay at 2:13 PM on September 24, 2018 [2 favorites]




Gritty Kitty ain't so pretty, but it's really thick.
posted by sydnius at 2:24 PM on September 24, 2018 [1 favorite]


Can I just remind you all that the Blues almost had this jersey and mascot?
posted by fluttering hellfire at 2:42 PM on September 24, 2018 [4 favorites]


I just tweeted at Martha MacCullum that she should give up her job at Fox and emulate Gritty, just a-shakin' his belly, not instigating evil. She can examine her choices and go down the less dark, the may I say grittier path, of hockey mascotry. Gritty allows us to hope, to see the alternatives.
posted by angrycat at 2:46 PM on September 24, 2018


Each new take I read on Gritty gives me fits of giggles. It’s very Five Nights at Freddie’s.
posted by kimberussell at 3:17 PM on September 24, 2018 [1 favorite]


Well I'll be damned. It's the ghost of paleo-Flyer Bill 'Cowboy' Flett.
posted by hangashore at 3:33 PM on September 24, 2018


You can just sense the sadness in those eyes, it's clear Gritty has seen some shit.

Gritty spent the last 7 years in St. John's, playing ECHL hockey for the Newfoundland Growlers.

This is Gritty's last shot.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 4:10 PM on September 24, 2018 [6 favorites]


Gritty won't retire, he'll just become a new jacket for Don Cherry. Would anyone really notice, other than he doesn't look like a fabric used in a couch?
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 4:23 PM on September 24, 2018 [5 favorites]


Meh. Looks like a muppet.

Looks like a cross between Animal and one of the Fireys from Labyrinth.
posted by Autumnheart at 5:12 PM on September 24, 2018 [4 favorites]


I will not stand for the bad talk of Steely McBeam!
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 5:21 PM on September 24, 2018


RIP Gritty

2018-2018

Beloved whatever-the-hell-he-is, treasured brief acquaintance, and only known member of shadowy underground Philadelphia bog civilization.
posted by Copronymus at 5:27 PM on September 24, 2018 [9 favorites]


Jesus, he's also taking potshots at innocent promotions staff with the t-shirt gun. That's one hell of a debut for a mascot.
posted by Copronymus at 5:31 PM on September 24, 2018 [3 favorites]


More please!! This is the only good news story. Make every mid-tier team replace their mascots with something hideous and vaguely unsettling. (If they top the league, teams can make their most handsome/skilled player into their mascot. If their ranking slips to the bottom, they are allowed to replace their ugly mascot with a really cute dog -- but ONLY for as long as they're one of the worst teams.)
posted by grandiloquiet at 6:02 PM on September 24, 2018 [3 favorites]


Gritty is going to be Mayor of Philadelphia by the end of the season.
posted by delfin at 6:11 PM on September 24, 2018 [9 favorites]


Jesus, he's also taking potshots at innocent promotions staff with the t-shirt gun.

i mean, when you sign up for the gritty reboot, you gotta know what you're getting into
posted by halation at 6:14 PM on September 24, 2018 [8 favorites]


I can't stop laughing.

He's like if Danny Tamberelli were an H.R. Pufnstuf character.
posted by duffell at 6:38 PM on September 24, 2018 [4 favorites]


I fucking love Gritty. He's so Philly it hurts.
posted by schroedinger at 7:15 PM on September 24, 2018 [3 favorites]


Also so Philly: a GoFundMe to Euthanize Gritty.
posted by TwoStride at 7:48 PM on September 24, 2018 [4 favorites]


So, on Twitter I follow Mondo Mascots and every little town and business seems to have a mascot, some of which are kind of weird.

So I feel like the reaction to Gritty is emblematic of an attitude holding us back from living the true mascot dream. Nobody wants to take risks with their mascots here, push the envelope.
posted by RobotHero at 7:49 PM on September 24, 2018 [3 favorites]


I haven't been able to stop thinking and giggling about Gritty all day! Oh it helped me get through an otherwise awful Monday. Thank you Gritty and everybody had matching towels !
posted by treepour at 8:17 PM on September 24, 2018 [1 favorite]


So, on Twitter I follow Mondo Mascots and every little town and business seems to have a mascot, some of which are kind of weird.

And you never made a FPP about them? For shame! I would be very upset about this, but your mention of it here does soothe the hurt.
posted by gusottertrout at 12:01 AM on September 25, 2018 [2 favorites]


Yeah; I can't get the image of that weeping, brick-headed chicken out of my mind.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:55 AM on September 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


Stolen from Kelly Faircloth at Jezebel:
When Gritty encounters a Bad Man he frowns and says "fucking WAY not cool man" and you know what? He means it down to his soul.
posted by angrycat at 2:10 AM on September 25, 2018 [4 favorites]


If it doesn't look like a shambling, desquamating Orest Kindrachuk/shoggoth hybrid that howls or keens obscurely obscene parodic verses of "God Bless America" every time the Flyers score a goal, I remain uninterested. #teamfhtagn
posted by adamgreenfield at 2:11 AM on September 25, 2018


Is the orangeness of Gritty somehow adding to the hilarity?
posted by angrycat at 2:40 AM on September 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Ho'ky R'lyeh wgah'h'ser fhtagn, eh?" When finished, the faintest chill rolled across the hockey arena...
posted by Nanukthedog at 2:56 AM on September 25, 2018 [3 favorites]


Gritty looks like the unholy spawn of Youppi and Animal the muppet...
posted by Grither at 5:16 AM on September 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


Gritty hangs out by your high school sports field in his barely operating van, sells shitty ditch weed to the kids, and hits on your little sister.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:07 AM on September 25, 2018 [6 favorites]


RIP Gritty

i've been laughing at that tweet for approximately 500 years now and it's so good. thank you gritty, your sacrifice was not in vain.
posted by poffin boffin at 8:31 AM on September 25, 2018


After 24 hours most of my friends have decided that yeah he's creepy and the rest of the country hates it so fuck you he's our guy now. I expect t shirts featuring Gritty and Jason Kelce pounding citywides to be on the street in a week or so.
posted by cmfletcher at 10:42 AM on September 25, 2018 [9 favorites]


An important PSA for mascots.
posted by NoxAeternum at 11:04 AM on September 25, 2018 [2 favorites]


Honestly, I think the thing that makes him creepy is the lack of a protruding nose. Like, that's the only thing between him and Youppi / Phanatic. Without it, his face looks a little like a skull, and that's what's turning people off. Otherwise I like that the team is taking a risk. The video of him bouncing his belly and rolling his eyes is hilarious. Very 70's Henson company.

The creepy violent backstory I could do without though.
posted by Popular Ethics at 11:04 AM on September 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


Without it, his face looks a little like a skull, and that's what's turning people off.

the shading of his facial hair/fur is also problematic, in that it darkens and reddens around his mouth. this is probably supposed to connote a beard, but to my eye it looks like bloodstains.
posted by halation at 11:48 AM on September 25, 2018 [2 favorites]


Enjoy Gritty as Kim K
posted by angrycat at 1:32 PM on September 25, 2018


Sorry! Here's the Kim K/Gritty picture, from Gritty's twitter account
posted by angrycat at 1:39 PM on September 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


Let's just all be glad Gritty debuted after Stormy Daniels went with 'Toad.'
posted by duffell at 8:48 PM on September 25, 2018 [1 favorite]


Me: I'll just read some MF while I brush my teeth and get ready this morning

Me 5 min later: teeth still not fully brushed because of giggles, crying of laughter

GRITTY 2020.


Before knowing who Gritty was, this tweet cracked me up. It works even better knowing Gritty's persona.
posted by Fig at 5:12 AM on September 26, 2018 [2 favorites]


I love Gritty
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 7:56 AM on September 26, 2018






Gritty tattoo guy: I based it on the photo that ‘looked most psychotic’ (Twitter link)
Jim Lardani’s experience meeting Gritty was much like the rest of ours: terrifying horror that quickly morphed into a protective adoration and the desire to punch anyone who dared malign the orange swamp creature. Except that Lardani, who operates Lorraine Bar in Francisville, took his love a bit further. He got a Gritty tattoo.

At first, “I was disgusted,” he told Billy Penn. “I was like, what the hell is this? Why did you do this? Why is this a thing?

“It was like an hour after that I fell in love with him. I realized he’s Kensington as hell. Like, I’ve seen this guy at the Wawa on Columbus Boulevard.”
posted by a fiendish thingy at 10:49 AM on October 1, 2018 [3 favorites]


From the perspective of making a tattoo, looking like a hairy skull is a positive.
posted by RobotHero at 1:27 PM on October 1, 2018


Gritty fans need to go check out This Week Tonight.
posted by jenfullmoon at 1:50 PM on October 1, 2018 [2 favorites]




Gritty is the most normal thing that has happened in the past two years.
posted by ckape at 4:10 PM on October 1, 2018 [7 favorites]




I can't wait to see the Halloween pictures of folks dressed up as Gritty.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:43 PM on October 1, 2018


I can't wait to see the Halloween pictures of folks dressed up as Gritty.

Let me ruin that thought in three words: Sexy. Gritty. Costume.
posted by NoxAeternum at 8:48 PM on October 1, 2018 [3 favorites]


Sexy. Gritty. Costume.

That's just a regular Gritty costume.

(Maybe with the addition of some fishnets over the furry orange legs.)
posted by a fiendish thingy at 4:53 AM on October 2, 2018 [3 favorites]




Wobbly Gritty is best Gritty.
posted by NoxAeternum at 8:05 AM on October 4, 2018 [1 favorite]


Gritty fans need to go check out This Week Tonight.

I was unaccountably surprised by that one. Gritty doesn't deserve that! Probably.
posted by asperity at 10:40 AM on October 4, 2018


I welcome Sexy Gritty. Being disturbing on several levels is the whole point.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:51 AM on October 4, 2018


I would also welcome sexy Gritty. Or sexy Fellow Worker Gritty. All flavors of Gritty!

(I can't wait to be back in Philly for Christmas, surely there will be bootleg Gritty merch I will buy it all.)
posted by kalimac at 2:13 PM on October 4, 2018 [3 favorites]






Gritty came in like a wrecking ball.
posted by NoxAeternum at 8:33 AM on October 11, 2018 [6 favorites]


Gritty cake.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:51 AM on October 16, 2018 [2 favorites]




Someone I know bought one and brought it into the office I used to work in, so I have been able to collect multiple responses. Sadly, it seems that the Gritty Ice Cream sandwich is across-the-board nasty :(
posted by kalimac at 1:41 PM on October 18, 2018 [2 favorites]


I mean it’s Doritos flavored ice cream. So wrong. Like Gritty himself
posted by angrycat at 2:56 PM on October 18, 2018 [1 favorite]


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