A Baby With Very Good Hair
January 9, 2019 10:48 PM   Subscribe

 
On the one hand, no babies should be in Instagram. On the other, that hair is amazing.
posted by Going To Maine at 11:24 PM on January 9 [8 favorites]


It's mesmerizing!
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 11:31 PM on January 9


I hate her.

(Yeah, bitches, jelly as fuck.)
posted by OldAndTired at 11:51 PM on January 9 [5 favorites]


Imagine peaking at 6 months of age. There's a very good chance this is the biggest impression on the world Chanco will ever make in her life.
posted by Vesihiisi at 12:26 AM on January 10 [1 favorite]


Everything about babies is a little Uncanny Valley (" kinda human, but also a lot like a larva"?) . This gal gives me an extra big dose of the 'baby uncanny valley' feeling somehow.
posted by twoplussix at 12:40 AM on January 10 [12 favorites]


a larva in an edna mode wig
posted by poffin boffin at 1:18 AM on January 10 [19 favorites]


Literally Nancy.
posted by BiggerJ at 2:33 AM on January 10 [6 favorites]


Oh this is delightful.
posted by quaking fajita at 4:36 AM on January 10


Imagine peaking at 6 months of age.

In fame/notoriety, maybe. But there’s a lot of life outside of being famous.
posted by Rock 'em Sock 'em at 4:37 AM on January 10 [12 favorites]


We have a baby like that at work who used to be a regular at my story time for babies. Their mom didn’t introduce us or stick around much so among the staff we just referred to them as Elvis Hair Baby.
posted by blnkfrnk at 4:54 AM on January 10 [11 favorites]


I see the mutants have finally arrived.
posted by Young Kullervo at 5:02 AM on January 10


blnkfrnk- I have an acquaintance whose copiously-haired baby we referred to as Baby Elvis. (Kid is now an elementary schooler and still has glorious hair.)
posted by rebeccabeagle at 5:13 AM on January 10 [2 favorites]


Also as someone with a ton of thick hair, no, you don't want it. I have to get it sheered (practically maimed) once a month just so it resembles an actual hair cut but inevitably in a few weeks it just puffs up and out in ways that are annoying and unmanageable without a vast amount of expensive product.
posted by Young Kullervo at 5:15 AM on January 10 [3 favorites]


Imagine peaking at 6 months of age.

By the time she grows up Instagram will be a more distant memory than friendster.
posted by srboisvert at 5:17 AM on January 10 [5 favorites]


But there’s a lot of life outside of being famous.

NOW you're telling me that?
posted by Vesihiisi at 5:32 AM on January 10 [1 favorite]


So much squick. She doesn't 'have an ad campaign', her parents do. She doesn't have anything like agency and is being exploited ruthlessly by the very people who should be protecting her.

I hope some court steps in to make sure she gets 100% of the money her parents are pimping her for, plus interest.

This is disgusting.
posted by signal at 5:57 AM on January 10 [3 favorites]


I see the mutants have finally arrived.

Yeah, my first thought is that somewhere around puberty she'll learn to control the hair, and she'll grow up to be Medusa from the Inhumans.
posted by Naberius at 5:57 AM on January 10 [4 favorites]


signal, soooo... every child actor/model is being "exploited ruthlessly" and is being pimped out? That seems to be unnecessarily harsh language for an ad campaign.

Full disclosure, I have kids whose pictures end up on my instagram for precisely zero money.
posted by lydhre at 6:09 AM on January 10 [6 favorites]


signal, soooo... every child actor/model is being "exploited ruthlessly" and is being pimped out? That seems to be unnecessarily harsh language for an ad campaign.


I mean...most child stars who are thrust into the lime light and become the financial center of the family (i.e. who feel the pressure to continue something they had no choice in to keep up the family's lifestyle) end up with some severe mental health issues later on. Ideally this won't happen, but you never know. Some parents have a weird ownership mentality over their kids and their futures, and this is seen even when the child ISN'T 'famous'.
posted by Young Kullervo at 6:28 AM on January 10 [1 favorite]


Yeah, as someone who is contemplating sending some pics of their infant to a modeling agency because people keep telling me that my kid is cute enough for it, that's really really offensive.

You don't know that kid, you don't know their parents, you don't know anything about the situation, or what the experience was like for the kid.

Protecting my kid is my entire life but that isn't at all compatible with spending a few hours on a set filming the kid crawling around and having a fun time while putting some money in the kid's college fund.
posted by VTX at 6:32 AM on January 10 [11 favorites]


Of course, but that's child stars and there is zero indication that this particular family is exploiting her. I'm not advocating getting your kids their own ad campaign by any means but I think it's a little presumptive to tar every parent with a kid who models with the same abusive brush.
posted by lydhre at 6:32 AM on January 10


I thought this was about Pantone 🤦‍♂️
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug at 6:49 AM on January 10 [4 favorites]


I'm not advocating getting your kids their own ad campaign by any means but I think it's a little presumptive to tar every parent with a kid who models with the same abusive brush.

Plus which, that Pantene ad had a really nice message, even if it is from a heartless megacorp hell bent on taking your money and leaving you weeping and destitute in the gutter. And it's a message -- being different is good! -- that is still somewhat daring in that relatively culturally homogeneous market.

So.

Super cute kid. Mild upvote for the soulless corporate overlords. Can't we enjoy anything around here anymore?
posted by The Bellman at 7:13 AM on January 10 [3 favorites]


Yeah, as someone who is contemplating sending some pics of their infant to a modeling agency because people keep telling me that my kid is cute enough for it, that's really really offensive.

You don't know that kid, you don't know their parents, you don't know anything about the situation, or what the experience was like for the kid.

Protecting my kid is my entire life but that isn't at all compatible with spending a few hours on a set filming the kid crawling around and having a fun time while putting some money in the kid's college fund.



The reason some people are slightly uncomfortable with this practice is because parents do abuse/exploit their kids through this sort of media more often than you think and it has put them in harms way. It doesn't come from nothing, even if it may seem unfair to you to be judged the same as these people when your intentions are to benefit your child in the long run.

Granted I wasn't judging these people or you, just noting why someone might.

Being a model for Pantene because one has a unique trait of some sort may not make one a child star on the scale of say, Justin Bieber, but it's definitely a big deal and she will definitely been known for that trait for the rest of her life on some level. It will constantly be the trait that defines her because it is what garnered her a vast amount of positive attention early on. No doubt it will possibly lead to other ways to be thrust into the spotlight, much the same way an internet cat might. In fact this reminds me so much of the internet cat phenomenon where people are in awe of a weird trait and then suddenly they're advertising big name cat products. I mean, from a cognitive development standpoint, children learn sources of external validation fairly early (someone please correct me if I am wrong) and this can harm them in ways parents don't consider.

I don't know what the intent is of this kid's parents and I honestly didn't think much about it at all upon first glance, but I understand why some people are squicked out about it.

So. There is that.
posted by Young Kullervo at 7:14 AM on January 10 [2 favorites]


Wig.
posted by sexyrobot at 7:21 AM on January 10 [1 favorite]


I am sceptical but I want to believe!
posted by Ashwagandha at 7:30 AM on January 10


Also as someone with a ton of thick hair, no, you don't want it.

Oh I dunno — being substantially bald is no bowl of jellybeans.
posted by exogenous at 7:56 AM on January 10 [3 favorites]


Seriously. I'd much rather have to "worry" about having to thin my incredibly thick hair out than how to make the thin hair I have look like more.
posted by fiercecupcake at 8:09 AM on January 10 [1 favorite]


They're all good babies.
posted by SonInLawOfSam at 8:26 AM on January 10 [5 favorites]


Your scientists spent so much time figuring out if they could clone Rod Blagojevich...
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:29 AM on January 10 [6 favorites]


I had a half-dozen male & female friends in college who were national catalogue models as children (they all came from the same suburb- the catalogue ad agency was located in town). It didn't effect their college-aged life in any way, other than they commonly used that as their "what's interesting about me" answer that college professors and meetups occasionally use.

Being in a couple of photos as children, even tv ads, is not the same as being a full time famous child actor.

And i'm mad at myself that I'm jealous of a baby's hair, as I have the hair of a more typical baby.
posted by The_Vegetables at 8:53 AM on January 10 [9 favorites]


I was born with a thick head of dark hair and was often told that on arrival I was a bit scary looking. In baby photos it looks like I’m wearing a wig. I have no doubt that Chanco’s mane is real. BTW at 61 I still have thick, wavy, dark hair with a bare sprinkle of silver. I have been grateful for this genetic gift my entire life as having low-maintenance hair is a huge timesaver.
posted by kinnakeet at 9:01 AM on January 10


My daughter had hair on this scale as a baby, but I gave her haircuts every month or two so that it wouldn't get in her eyes or get snarled. I thought nothing is so miserable as the toddler who doesn't want their hair combed, so I just kept it short until she was old enough to decide if brushing it well was worth the tradeoff of length. At twelve, it is past her waist, and when I put it up into a bun, it has the circumference of a salad plate.
posted by Margalo Epps at 9:41 AM on January 10 [8 favorites]


The harm from this is so theoretical and the harm from being poor is so obvious that I can’t really fault any parent who does anything similar. Unless they’re already super financially secure? But even then, eh.
posted by Rock 'em Sock 'em at 9:57 AM on January 10 [4 favorites]


If you don’t want parents doing stuff like this the solution is to make a society where you’re not one stroke of bad luck from disaster, I think. I would feel differently if it were obviously harmful or unpleasant for the kid or if it was something embarrassing. But having a lot of hair is like...yeah, people will notice anyway and it’s not stigmatized so 🤷🏻‍♂️
posted by Rock 'em Sock 'em at 10:00 AM on January 10 [3 favorites]


can we agree to agree that a Pantene ad is close enough to the inflection point of "here's a cool thing I did when I was a baby" and "my fucking parents made my entire preadolescent life about monetizing my goddamn hair" that there's room to both enjoy this on a cute baby level and yet still remain wary of the motives and instincts of Instagram parents
posted by prize bull octorok at 10:22 AM on January 10 [1 favorite]


Also as someone with a ton of thick hair, no, you don't want it.

I beg to differ, without my glorious hair I'd hust be an ordinary schlub. Instead, I am still a schlub, but a conspicuously poofy one.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 10:25 AM on January 10 [6 favorites]


hello i am a goatyologist who also studies babies
posted by lazaruslong at 10:38 AM on January 10 [3 favorites]


If I'd had that baby hair, I'd be angry if my parents hadn't figured out a way to monetize it.
posted by bonobothegreat at 11:50 AM on January 10 [1 favorite]


This kid is extremely lucky. Her fame is coming so early in her life she won't even remember it. She'll be able to grow up as a regular kid because she'll be a has-been by the time she's four.

She'll lose her fame before it has a chance to affect her, but she won't lose her MONEY--and there's absolutely no reason to assume that her parents won't put the lion's share of the money in the bank for her.

Also, imagine how Chanco would feel if her parents turned down the offer to feature her in an ad campaign. If she had to wash dishes to get through college, she couldn't help but hold it against them.
posted by Transl3y at 11:55 AM on January 10 [5 favorites]


I have a tonne of thick hair. When it is blow-dried / removed from a plait, I am a glorious poofy lion with BIG HAIR. It is the best and I am sad when it returns to relatively normal.

As a baby I had normal hair though. My sister came out with black hair and then it all fell out.
posted by stillnocturnal at 11:56 AM on January 10


I just want a happy medium ;_;.
posted by Young Kullervo at 12:14 PM on January 10


I don’t think there’s anything wrong with bringing up the ethics even though I don’t agree with you. I mean if you called CPS or something i’d o.O but we’re just chatting here, it’s cool
posted by Rock 'em Sock 'em at 1:09 PM on January 10 [1 favorite]


I was born with hair like that. Where’s my college trust fund? Kids these days...

They appear to be applying hairspray or some other chemical, which is not cool for a developing baby.
posted by mantecol at 9:13 PM on January 10


Blue Steel.
posted by scruss at 5:04 AM on January 11


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