"It’s mesmerizing, like some kind of x-rated Quidditch."
January 10, 2019 6:34 PM   Subscribe

My senior class 3 years ago spray painted a 22inch dildo gold and put it in the trophy case as part of the senior prank. Apparently the year below us kept the dick for a year so they could put it up during an all school meeting. I can’t believe this went viral lmao. [probably NSFW?]
posted by Johnny Wallflower (38 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

*Admiral Ackbar voice*

"It's a trap!"
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:46 PM on January 10 [2 favorites]

Oh God

As a former student and occasional purveyor of penis-pranks (though certainly not of that size or scale), that is fucking delightful

As a former school staff member, that is a nightmare issue on so many levels
posted by Hermione Granger at 7:18 PM on January 10 [18 favorites]

One of my father's favorite pranks is the silent, low-key placement of an outrageously sexual item. He used to have a dildo about this size for the purpose. This post made me think, "huh, wonder where that thing went, I haven't seen it in several years . . . oh, God, I haven't seen it in several years."
posted by Countess Elena at 7:26 PM on January 10 [23 favorites]

In a weird way, the solution really beats the problem. (I'm done)
posted by hilberseimer at 7:32 PM on January 10 [13 favorites]

I wanna know what adhesive was used to stick it up there so well.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:32 PM on January 10 [5 favorites]

Mods: Is there any reason we can't link to the original tweet instead of the clickbait version?
posted by jferg at 7:44 PM on January 10 [6 favorites]

"Peeñata" is just so incredibly clever I can't eve handle it.
posted by nevercalm at 8:02 PM on January 10 [16 favorites]

posted by cortex (staff) at 8:03 PM on January 10 [1 favorite]

I love dildo mischief so much
posted by fluttering hellfire at 8:34 PM on January 10 [3 favorites]

MetaFilter: I love dildo mischief so much.
posted by Reverend John at 8:50 PM on January 10 [6 favorites]

I'm so amused by all the agrarian senior pranks in the Twitter thread:

Large hay bales
Surrounding the school with tractors

Farm kids have impressive resources available to them .
posted by twoplussix at 8:53 PM on January 10 [6 favorites]

I used to hate this kind of stuff so much back when I was in school. Though I quickly learned not to say anything about it as everyone would treat me as a humorless stick in the mud, especially teachers, though as a student I had even less choice about being involved than some people.

This sort of thing is pretty low on the pyramid, but there it is, festering.
posted by traveler_ at 8:55 PM on January 10 [14 favorites]

I'm sorry, traveler_. Thank you for bringing that up.
posted by Hermione Granger at 10:23 PM on January 10 [1 favorite]

Reminds me of an anecdote my father told me, about when the Visitor Center at GSCF was new. They'd received a Mercury capsule from somewhere, and inside was a dummy astronaut in a space suit. Somehow while in transit, a purple dildo had been placed inside, between the spaceman's legs, in a most provocative position. It was removed, of course; but not before it was photographed -- this is the government, after all, and everything requires documentation.
posted by Rash at 10:34 PM on January 10 [2 favorites]

Hah! Saw this gif today and had no context. So much funnier knowing that’s a teacher. I think I would have felt bad for some of my older teachers in this situation, but pretty much anyone teaching today should find this humorous.
posted by es_de_bah at 11:09 PM on January 10

I'm especially liking the adult woman crankily waving her arm to tell the kids to stop filming…which shows us she has her camera app open.  Adult-teen interaction in a nutshell.
posted by los pantalones del muerte at 11:17 PM on January 10 [17 favorites]

Bond, I asked for a Goldfinger
posted by allium cepa at 12:26 AM on January 11 [4 favorites]

dildo mischief

Truly, a magnificent band or sockpuppet name.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:23 AM on January 11 [5 favorites]

Reminds me of the time back around 2006, I was casually looking at the new Google Maps satellite capabilities, when I went to go check out my elementary school and realized that somehow, a gigantic penis was drawn on the length of the entire ceiling. I was too shy to take a screencap but I did giggle and decided to not really talk about it. (I might have pointed it out to one or two people)

Also reminds me of this tumblr post: AP Psych teacher calls out dick-drawing students
posted by yueliang at 4:18 AM on January 11 [7 favorites]

dildo mischief

Truly, a magnificent band or sockpuppet name

It seems to cry out for some Tolkien-esque application
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 4:44 AM on January 11 [2 favorites]

I love dildo mischief so much
posted by fluttering hellfire
Dildo Mischief is my favorite Pacific Rim jäger
posted by DoctorFedora at 5:17 AM on January 11 [20 favorites]

A local parent and neighborhood activist has started a beautifying campaign at the local schools to put up murals because she’s tired of seeing dicks all over the middle school. I suspect once you start drawing dicks as a certain kind of kid, you just can’t stop.
posted by amanda at 5:54 AM on January 11 [1 favorite]

We played the long game senior prank. I went to an L.A. high school in the 80s where most of the campus was outdoors. No idea if anything happened with it but we planted a ton of marijuana seeds in all of the planters during our final semester.
posted by Sophie1 at 6:20 AM on January 11 [1 favorite]

It seems to cry out for some Tolkien-esque application

Dildo Mischief is rather a ne'er-do-well hobbit; we can only be grateful that Gandalf chose Bilbo Baggins to join Thorin instead of Dildo Mischief. I leave it to your imagination as to where and how Mischief would have used the Ring.
posted by nubs at 6:20 AM on January 11 [4 favorites]

Dildo Mischief wouldn't have ended his adventures with, uh, nine fingers.
posted by phooky at 6:32 AM on January 11 [6 favorites]

While we're sharing senior prank stories -

My brother's class did a benign and affectionate senior prank that they pulled off at their graduation ceremony. The principal often chided them during the school year by saying that "you guys are going to make me lose my marbles!" So the whole class conspired: they each had a marble with them, and one by one, as each one went up to get their diploma, when the principal shook their hand, they palmed the marble into his hand and left him with it.

The valedictorian had helpfully placed a bucket underneath the podium at the conclusion of her speech for him to dump the marbles into time to time, but he rolled with it instead, stowing the marbles into his pockets over the course of the diploma distribution. Then when they were all handed out, he made a great show of pulling the bucket out from under the podium and emptying his pockets into it, before explaining to the now-puzzled audience about the "losing my marbles" thing and congratulating the class for getting him good. :-)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:41 AM on January 11 [14 favorites]

Our senior pranks tended to be elaborate, because boarding school. Some were pretty uncomfortable/gross (I remember a panty raid that ended with student underwear in the campus mailboxes of faculty rumored to have a thing for students). I was always proud of my class for it's (relatively, though John Irving inspired*) non-creepy prank. They took the headmaster's table out of the (formal-ish dining hall) and dressed the table perfectly, down to linens, flowers and candles, in the middle of the campus driveway. The dining hall was left is precise, impeccable order, with linens and glasses etc, except that the Headmaster's table was replaced with the new Latin teacher's Honda Civic. I was a day student, so I missed the actual execution of the scheme. I just remember driving up to campus the next morning and having a fellow student escort me to the "senior table" for coffee and breakfast like a maitre d'.

*There was a similar prank with a car and a stage in A Prayer for Owen Meany, and book that, like Donna Tartt's A Secret History, it seemed like every single one of my classmates had read.
posted by thivaia at 7:21 AM on January 11 [2 favorites]

I don't remember any serious pranks when I was a senior, but it was tradition that the senior class got to paint the school smokestack each year. I don't know who in my senior class got to do it, but I came to school one day and it said... "01 GETS IT UP". Sigh.
posted by skycrashesdown at 7:29 AM on January 11

Dildo Mischief wouldn't have ended his adventures with, uh, nine fingers.

Wait 'til you hear what happened when he offered Galadriel the Ring
posted by nubs at 7:38 AM on January 11 [4 favorites]

I disagree with traveler_ that this is a manifestation of rape culture. Sexual jokes of all sorts does not necessarily equal rape culture, and as childish and silly as this prank is, I think this falls into the same category as fart jokes.

The reason I say this is because, in every case of the illustration of the pyramid that outlines the underpinnings of rape culture, the subtext, or explicit text, of the jokes is someone unable to consent, or someone slandered in a sexualized way. A way this prank to go down that I think would unquestionably be a manifestation of rape culture isn't putting a dildo on a wall, it would be taping someone's name or picture to it.

If anything sexualized is immediately a matter of rape culture, then we are on the same slippery slope that says LGBT people being affectionate in public is wrong. Anything that hints at sexuality at all becomes something to be policed and normalized. I disagree vehemently with that.

Crude and silly -- and crucially untargeted -- sexual jokes, which do not promote or condone the violation of consent or belittle or shame the sexuality of anyone are actually part of a healthy cultural conversation about sex and sexuality. I'm not seeing rape culture here, unless there's something missing from this video.
posted by tclark at 7:44 AM on January 11 [19 favorites]

We didn't really have a senior prank tradition in the sense of doing some grand, visible stunt. What we did, because apparently every class did it, was to find a small object that we could have in our palms to pass to the principal as we crossed the stage at our grad ceremony and he shook our hands. I had no clue this was a tradition until moments before the ceremony when I was handed a jack, from the game of ball & jacks to pass along. Everyone got one. The idea was for the principal to have to try to manage all these small objects coming his way during the ceremony without really letting on that it was happening. Alphabetically, I was one of the first thirty or so, and all I remember is a pained grin and a "you guys are going to destroy my hand" comment; I guess even by the then the act of having these small metal objects with pointy bits being pressed into his hand was starting to hurt. I give him credit - he got through it; all 300-some of us. I felt sorry for him when he said that to me; it took what had seemed something small and fun to do and made it clear that it was painful for somebody, on a night when we all wanted to celebrate.

I hope that it helped him that the same night as our ceremony, the local hockey team was playing (and would win) Game 6 of the Stanley Cup final; every third person in the audience had a radio with an earphone, and updates were being frantically whispered up and down the aisles and spontaneous cheers would occasionally arise; it was a very distracted audience and the poor man may have been able to ditch those things and maybe change up his handshake grasp easier than under other circumstances.
posted by nubs at 7:53 AM on January 11 [3 favorites]

Mods: Is there any reason we can't link to the original tweet instead of the clickbait version?

Because the "clickbait version" also includes the tweet of the dildo itself and the substituted one doesn't? If you must relplace it, use this.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:27 AM on January 11

I wanna know what adhesive was used to stick it up there so well.

It has a huge, heavy-duty suction cup on the base.

(I was the "novelties" buyer for an adult retailer for a while. I totally recognize this giant dildo.)
posted by Ennis Tennyone at 8:33 AM on January 11 [10 favorites]

MetaFilter: I totally recognize this giant dildo.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:36 AM on January 11 [9 favorites]

This gives me fond memories of when my art class friends and I plotted out a dick-themed senior prank directed at our principal. We never really intended to go through with it, but we spent a good amount of time talking through the logistics.

This principal was obsessed, OBSESSED, with lighthouses. His office was full of lighthouse art and memorabilia - literally full. Paintings, photos, sculptures, tchotkes, pens, hell even the rug was lighthouse-themed. There had to be two dozen lighthouses in that little room at the very least.

My friends and I, who were all in the advanced senior art class and spent much of our spare time making weird art shit for fun, determined that we could pull off a truly legendary prank by creating replicas of every single lighthouse objet d'art in his office, but with dicks instead of lighthouses. A painting of a dick rising from the mists of Cape Hatteras, a little sculpted dick with a commemorative plaque reading Ocracoke Island, a painted mirror with birds on the upper left and a dick on the lower right... you get the picture. We would have to send a spy in ahead of time to get reference photos, of course. Then we'd swap them out in the middle of the night, stashing the real art elsewhere, and take lots of photos before we fled.

We absolutely had the time, inclination, and skill to pull this off. Unfortunately, the principal was kind of a huge dick himself and would NOT have thought it was funny. But he would have been wrong.
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:20 AM on January 11 [7 favorites]

I feel like there's part of this joke I'm missing.
posted by bongo_x at 10:42 AM on January 11

There are gummi lighthouses, showbiz_liz!

(They look like dicks, lol)
posted by fluttering hellfire at 12:40 PM on January 11 [1 favorite]

"Hostile environment" sexual harassment doesn't need to be targeted at the complainant, or even targeted at any person individually. If even one person in that gym doesn't appreciate this sexual joking, that's a Title IX problem. The rape culture here is the giant room full of people who weren't asked their consent. This whole thing is "locker room talk" with the presumption that the whole world is the locker room.
posted by traveler_ at 1:20 PM on January 11 [2 favorites]

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