wet noises intensify
January 20, 2019 12:51 AM   Subscribe

 
The void must feed.
posted by Grandysaur at 12:56 AM on January 20 [4 favorites]


I wish I had a good hentai joke.
posted by Grandysaur at 12:57 AM on January 20 [3 favorites]




Like otters but with fish
posted by Mister Moofoo at 1:18 AM on January 20


So that's why they make the ones with anchovies on.
posted by colin.jaquiery at 1:35 AM on January 20 [3 favorites]


Note to self: never fall into a pool of eels.
posted by sysinfo at 1:59 AM on January 20 [21 favorites]


The darkness hungers.
posted by Jilder at 2:46 AM on January 20 [3 favorites]


Thanks I hate it
posted by zixyer at 2:52 AM on January 20 [38 favorites]


This is why I'm always careful to not drench myself in tomato sauce and cheese before going for a swim.
posted by Dumsnill at 2:58 AM on January 20 [9 favorites]


Why do people insist on giving animals garbage human food?
posted by awfurby at 3:03 AM on January 20 [4 favorites]


OK, that made my teeth itch.
posted by halfbuckaroo at 3:32 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]


how appropriate that this should drop the day the story breaks that London's eels are, er, high on coke.
posted by AFII at 3:34 AM on January 20 [3 favorites]


Best comment: "when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that's a moray"
posted by escape from the potato planet at 3:54 AM on January 20 [53 favorites]


Why do people insist on giving animals garbage human food?

You gunna tell the Void it can't have a slice?
posted by Jilder at 3:59 AM on January 20 [3 favorites]


Some days you're the pack of eels, some days you're the pizza
posted by duffell at 4:21 AM on January 20 [12 favorites]


...some days you're the wanker (tosser, surely) who threw the pizza in, some days you're the YouTube commenters on the video, some days you're the one creating memes about the pizza eels
posted by duffell at 4:22 AM on January 20 [2 favorites]


...some days you're the Void
posted by duffell at 4:23 AM on January 20 [4 favorites]


Kind of expected them to keep on eating in an unstoppable cannibalistic orgy that would end only when all the eels were gone. Just a knot of slippery, muscular gnashing and thrashing, getting smaller and smaller and then disappearing entirely, leaving only a few tattered scraps floating on the water and a slowly dispersing cloud of pink.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 4:30 AM on January 20 [10 favorites]


Tell me how you really eel.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:32 AM on January 20 [6 favorites]


That was far, far less horrifying than I expected. If you visit Northwestern University and walk around by the water, you'll see a roiling mass of giant carp which give much the same effect and would probably buzz through a pizza similarly.

Even the eels themselves were far less terrifying than I'd thought. Their little flippers are sort of cute, actually.

One of the most "the world is not the way I understood it" moments I've ever had was when reading a Margaret Drabble novel in which the protagonist thinks about her lonely, alienated childhood time in the country and casually mentions that all those picturesque little country streams and waterways are full of eels. Of course it only makes sense - where would all those eel pies come from if not some local source of eels? But until that point I had encountered only either the whole American "cozy Britain" thing or the sorts of UK novels that, while they might mention, eg, the Massacre of Glencoe, did not mention eels.

Actually, the eels-in-the-Thames bit sheds a lot of light on various London novels. No matter what's going on, no matter how cozy, romantic, thrilling, satiric, etc, we the readers are meant to understand that the action takes place against a background of eels. This is obviously one of the things that the foreign reader will not intuitively grasp and that changes the whole reading experience.
posted by Frowner at 5:12 AM on January 20 [61 favorites]


d i s l i k e
posted by poffin boffin at 5:29 AM on January 20 [6 favorites]


We get eels in our rivers here in North America too! Certainly in New England, anyway. Eel poaching is a problem, actually—people will drive in in the dead of night to scoop up baby eels for sale in foreign markets.

They're baby eels (elvers) though—they swim up into the mouths of rivers and hang out in the marshes until they get big enough to go out to sea.

It took a long, long time (until at least the late 1800s) before scientists figured out that the small river eels, and the tiny glass eels, and the big marine eels were all the same eels but in different life stages. They look pretty different and have different habitats, so people just assumed they were different species. (Probably a great many people still assume this, if they bother to think about it at all.) By the time anyone was even sure that they reproduced sexually, people had been eating them for thousands of years.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 5:43 AM on January 20 [5 favorites]


But where's the hovercraft?
posted by scalefree at 5:43 AM on January 20 [6 favorites]


Frowner, even the hovercrafts are full of eels.
posted by evilmomlady at 5:46 AM on January 20 [3 favorites]


It took a long, long time (until at least the late 1800s) before scientists figured out that the small river eels, and the tiny glass eels, and the big marine eels were all the same eels but in different life stages. They look pretty different and have different habitats, so people just assumed they were different species. (Probably a great many people still assume this, if they bother to think about it at all.) By the time anyone was even sure that they reproduced sexually, people had been eating them for thousands of years.

This is why, despite being ancient, wise, able to avoid hunters, able to breathe water, and a really good writer for where I'm at in life, I can't find a girlfriend, and it just...it's lonely out here, my dudes.
posted by saysthis at 5:54 AM on January 20 [5 favorites]


No matter what's going on, no matter how cozy, romantic, thrilling, satiric, etc, we the readers are meant to understand that the action takes place against a background of eels.

Sometimes even a foreground of eels.
posted by kersplunk at 6:00 AM on January 20 [2 favorites]


I guess I've never understood how eels got a reputation as being horrifying nightmare creatures, or for being a slimy and disgusting food. Sure, they look a bit unusual, as fish go. But they're no more horrifying than other esteemed culinary fish, such as, say, Chilean sea bass. And unagi is delicious.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 6:08 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]


i think it's the eldritch writhing
posted by poffin boffin at 6:13 AM on January 20 [6 favorites]


The Shrieking Eels probably didn't help.
posted by scalefree at 6:13 AM on January 20 [5 favorites]


Eels, eels, eels
Do you feed eels?
And if so I'd like to know
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 6:57 AM on January 20 [4 favorites]


the void must avoid the noid.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 7:01 AM on January 20 [5 favorites]


The sea is a hungry place.
posted by briank at 7:02 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]


squeal squeal I'm an eel
I said squeal squeal I'm an eel


(yes I did just re-watch all 11 asdf movies after a certain mefite tweeted they'd just found out about them yesterday)
posted by scruss at 7:05 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]


Actually, the eels-in-the-Thames bit sheds a lot of light on various London novels. No matter what's going on, no matter how cozy, romantic, thrilling, satiric, etc, we the readers are meant to understand that the action takes place against a background of eels. This is obviously one of the things that the foreign reader will not intuitively grasp and that changes the whole reading experience.

Not just eels. Also lampreys. But that's not helping, is it?
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:18 AM on January 20


To be fair, this is also how I eat pizza if I'm PMSing.
posted by WidgetAlley at 7:28 AM on January 20 [3 favorites]


They're coming for us.

As always, TRUMP WAS PROVEN RIGHT!
posted by Dumsnill at 7:44 AM on January 20


I'm half-remembering an SNL/MadTV/etc skit about a boy whose best friend was a lamprey...
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 7:57 AM on January 20


Fun fact: "In 1876, as a young student in Austria, Sigmund Freud dissected hundreds of eels in search of the male sex organs. He had to concede failure in his first major published research paper, and turned to other issues in frustration."
posted by drlith at 8:06 AM on January 20 [6 favorites]


NOPE NOPE NOPE
posted by schroedinger at 8:18 AM on January 20


Metafilter: far, far less horrifying than I expected.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:29 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]


I guess I've never understood how eels got a reputation as being horrifying nightmare creatures

did you watch the video
posted by schadenfrau at 8:35 AM on January 20 [6 favorites]


Well, hello my nightmare.
posted by johnxlibris at 8:40 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]


I dunno. My sister once dated a guy who worked for an aquarium. They had this weirdly adorable moray eel that evidently the staff affectionately referred to as Ramon Jr (after a biologist affiliated with the aquarium). Ever since then, it’s been hard for me to look at eels in the wild and not think about how awesome Ramon Jr was. Which is to say, I guess, that I’m generally pro-eel.
posted by thivaia at 8:45 AM on January 20 [4 favorites]


Pizza in the breakroom
posted by rodlymight at 8:46 AM on January 20 [7 favorites]


I was intrigued, I knew the horror was awaiting me, I clicked anyway. I'm glad I did.
posted by Fizz at 8:55 AM on January 20


I'm at the Pizza Hut
I'm at the Sea Life London Aquarium
I'm at the combination Pizza Hut and Sea Life London Aquarium
posted by moonmilk at 9:10 AM on January 20 [20 favorites]


Wait... this is unagi?
posted by twoplussix at 9:22 AM on January 20




Download the EelSlice app today to connect with thousands of hungry young eels in your area just dying for a slice of your pizza.
posted by dephlogisticated at 9:57 AM on January 20 [3 favorites]


Domino's makes eel pizza in Japan. (Unagi pizza is common there. Potatoes, spaghetti...they put everything on pizza in Japan.)
posted by kozad at 10:13 AM on January 20 [1 favorite]


and turned to other issues in frustration.

Sometimes an eel is just an eel.
posted by chavenet at 10:46 AM on January 20 [4 favorites]


The eel at 0:13 leaving towards the right is totally me. When there's free food, it's best to grab a piece and leave ASAP. That way you avoid the feeding frenzy and can actually enjoy what you have.
posted by FJT at 12:44 PM on January 20 [1 favorite]


But where's the hovercraft

I misread this as "Where's the Lovecraft", which is also a pertinent question.
posted by windykites at 1:09 PM on January 20 [1 favorite]


My hovercraft is full is pizza.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 1:33 PM on January 20 [1 favorite]


...no wonder I've got all these eels trying to jump in...
posted by a humble nudibranch at 1:34 PM on January 20 [1 favorite]


Can anyone understand what the person at the end is saying?

I think the eels are cute
posted by blnkfrnk at 3:22 PM on January 20


I watch something like this and I'm almost certain the eels are going to jump out of the screen and into my mouth, where I don't want them. I used to have bad dreams when I was a kid.
posted by rhizome at 3:57 PM on January 20


H.P. Lovercraft.
posted by rhizome at 3:58 PM on January 20 [4 favorites]


Oh, and

My sister once dated a guy who worked for an aquarium. They had this weirdly adorable moray eel that evidently the staff affectionately referred to as Ramon Jr (after a biologist affiliated with the aquarium). Ever since then, it’s been hard for me to look at eels in the wild and not think about how awesome Ramon Jr was. Which is to say, I guess, that I’m generally pro-eel.

Did they tell you all about moray eels? Because the reason I know what they are is because I read some book when I was a kid that endeavored to teach the lesson: when you're scuba diving, don't just stick your hand into random holes, because you might lose the arm. Moray eels were why.
posted by rhizome at 4:01 PM on January 20 [2 favorites]


Frowner, even the hovercrafts are full of eels.

With the appetite on display, we cannot overlook the possibility that the eels are full of hovercraft.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 4:59 PM on January 20


Moray eels were why

this is true - their teeth point backwards into their mouths, so once they bite something, it's pretty much impossible to let it go. Each chomp moves the food further into the mouth, towards a second set of teeth, that moves forward to grip, and then pulls back to swallow. feel free to be horrified.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 5:08 PM on January 20 [6 favorites]


It doesn't matter if you're in the ocean or in your bathroom-- don't reach where you can't see!
posted by blnkfrnk at 6:17 PM on January 20 [2 favorites]


Eels: They're just like us!
posted by Dr. Twist at 6:32 PM on January 20 [2 favorites]


Wait... this is unagi?

I'm with Ogden:
I don't mind eels
Except as meals.
And the way they feels.

posted by progosk at 7:47 AM on January 21


Wait... this is unagi?

Not sure what you're asking. Unagi is the Japanese term for freshwater eel as a foodstuff. If these are freshwater eels, then yes – they are unagi, in much the same way that a live pig is pork.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 9:38 AM on January 21


When you stick out your arm
And it comes to great harm
That's a moray!
posted by The Underpants Monster at 9:46 AM on January 21 [5 favorites]


When you need a big ham
And there's just Amsterdam
That's a Morey!
posted by davelog at 6:40 PM on January 21 [1 favorite]


When an actress wins fame
And Rebecca's her name
That's de Mornay!
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:26 PM on January 21 [1 favorite]


When your horse needs some chow
And you serve seconds now
That's some more hay!
posted by davelog at 7:59 PM on January 21 [1 favorite]


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