disorderly and disruptive and not amenable to discipline or control
January 20, 2019 11:40 PM   Subscribe

"I do not hate my body, because such a thing would be pointless, shortsighted. You cannot hate an animal for what she is, especially one who bears your ungrateful mind through this terrible world. And anyway, how do you hate something who marks her territory so dramatically, with such violence and panache? Who reminds you, with each step, I am here, I am here, I am here?" Carmen Maria Machado on her unruly body. posted by Grandysaur (6 comments total) 35 users marked this as a favorite
 
Ha! I can relate. Thanks for posting.
posted by janell at 12:58 AM on January 21, 2019


Wow. So well-written, so raw and open. Bodies are unruly, yup. I can also relate. Thanks, OP!
posted by Bella Donna at 2:46 AM on January 21, 2019 [1 favorite]


I’d never read this essay in that set of essays. It’s beautiful - thank you for posting it.
posted by needs more cowbell at 6:18 AM on January 21, 2019


So accurately and elegantly reflects the conversations I've been having in my head with my body which is full of the same kind of painful, ugly, lack of cooperation. Nothing fatal, nothing that completely debilitates me, just a daily struggle of trying to move, get things done, care for myself, and hide all the bits that I think need hiding. If there is a weird way for something to manifest in my body, that's what seems to happen. Just had an endoscopy because I keep choking on food unless I take tiny, tiny bites and chew them well. Had an incident at Xmas Eve dinner and my brother said (after the drama was over), "Oh, I had that, it is probably a stricture--get an endoscopy, they'll fix it and you'll be fine." Of course, my endoscopy showed nothing. The Dr. took some biopsies and I'm waiting to hear back, but I'm sure that will be nothing as well. So, strike one more thing up to my weird anxiety issues, or my "idiopathic" neuropathy, or who knows. I am working on accepting this body that won't do what I want, embarrasses me regularly, and leaves me exhausted even on fairly low-activity days. I do what I can for exercise, I get medical help when appropriate, but still, I hurt much of the time, and apparently there is nothing to be done. But I muddle on because there are people I love and who love me, I have work I'm good at, and two cats who are the best heating pads on sore muscles.
posted by agatha_magatha at 8:39 AM on January 21, 2019 [11 favorites]


My sister from another mister. I always joke about swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool, and tell my mother she should return me to the maternity ward under the lemon law.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 9:32 AM on January 21, 2019 [4 favorites]


Intelligent design my ass...
posted by Redhush at 12:46 PM on January 21, 2019 [2 favorites]


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