6'2" if that matters
May 12, 2019 4:53 AM Subscribe
This is funny and then it's VERY funny.
posted by showbiz_liz at 5:28 AM on May 12, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by showbiz_liz at 5:28 AM on May 12, 2019 [5 favorites]
Way better than I expected. "British TV?!? No! I don't want to...!"
posted by hwestiii at 5:35 AM on May 12, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by hwestiii at 5:35 AM on May 12, 2019 [4 favorites]
That went somewhere very different than I was expecting. In a good way.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:43 AM on May 12, 2019 [10 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:43 AM on May 12, 2019 [10 favorites]
Hee! I enjoyed that. The bit with the fish was particularly relatable.
posted by merriment at 5:47 AM on May 12, 2019
posted by merriment at 5:47 AM on May 12, 2019
GET OUT OF MY WOODS = amazing.
posted by Freeze Peach at 5:54 AM on May 12, 2019
posted by Freeze Peach at 5:54 AM on May 12, 2019
Loved his freak out over a different show!
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 5:56 AM on May 12, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 5:56 AM on May 12, 2019 [1 favorite]
I have swiped past this guy so many times
posted by airmail at 6:14 AM on May 12, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by airmail at 6:14 AM on May 12, 2019 [6 favorites]
A bunch of my friends have complained about guys on dating apps who think liking coffee and the office make them interesting, they are going to love this. Fantastic post, ChuraChura!
posted by everybody had matching towels at 6:23 AM on May 12, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by everybody had matching towels at 6:23 AM on May 12, 2019 [2 favorites]
you think this grim try swiping in a rural area: camouflage hat [LEFT] country girl [LEFT] horse picture [LEFT] fluent in sarcasm["this is a personality"] sitting on someone else motorcycle [LEFT] live laugh love quote [force quit app]
posted by entropicamericana at 6:27 AM on May 12, 2019 [43 favorites]
posted by entropicamericana at 6:27 AM on May 12, 2019 [43 favorites]
My favorite part of not being on dating apps right now is no longer having to pretend to be enthusiastic about men who are fluent in sarcasm and who, if they could share a meal with anyone, would choose Tom Brady.
posted by ChuraChura at 6:28 AM on May 12, 2019 [22 favorites]
posted by ChuraChura at 6:28 AM on May 12, 2019 [22 favorites]
When the desert appeared, I was sure that a tortoise lying on its back was going to come into frame.
posted by clawsoon at 6:36 AM on May 12, 2019 [13 favorites]
posted by clawsoon at 6:36 AM on May 12, 2019 [13 favorites]
Disappointed heart did not explode in hand.
posted by howfar at 6:44 AM on May 12, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by howfar at 6:44 AM on May 12, 2019 [5 favorites]
if they could share a meal with anyone, would choose Tom Brady.
Actual nightmare scenario. What would you even eat? The man has the most restrictive diet! He has never eaten a strawberry!!!
posted by everybody had matching towels at 6:51 AM on May 12, 2019 [20 favorites]
Actual nightmare scenario. What would you even eat? The man has the most restrictive diet! He has never eaten a strawberry!!!
posted by everybody had matching towels at 6:51 AM on May 12, 2019 [20 favorites]
who, if they could share a meal with anyone, would choose Tom Brady
Seriously? They could choose anyone, and Brady is the one?
Disappointed heart did not explode in hand.
I expected that as well.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:51 AM on May 12, 2019 [1 favorite]
Seriously? They could choose anyone, and Brady is the one?
Disappointed heart did not explode in hand.
I expected that as well.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:51 AM on May 12, 2019 [1 favorite]
The heart is a lonely Tamagotchi
posted by chavenet at 6:52 AM on May 12, 2019 [13 favorites]
posted by chavenet at 6:52 AM on May 12, 2019 [13 favorites]
(the dating scene in Boston is often very stereotypical)
posted by ChuraChura at 7:22 AM on May 12, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by ChuraChura at 7:22 AM on May 12, 2019 [3 favorites]
The heart is a lonely Tamagotchi
Amazed to Google and find this isn't already a Grandaddy record.
posted by howfar at 7:30 AM on May 12, 2019 [16 favorites]
Amazed to Google and find this isn't already a Grandaddy record.
posted by howfar at 7:30 AM on May 12, 2019 [16 favorites]
My favorite part of not being on dating apps right now is no longer having to pretend to be enthusiastic about men who are fluent in sarcasm and who, if they could share a meal with anyone, would choose Tom Brady.
Oh, I don't pretend. Haha.
"Interesting!"
Oh heh, also I love the title of this post.
posted by limeonaire at 8:33 AM on May 12, 2019 [2 favorites]
Oh, I don't pretend. Haha.
"Interesting!"
Oh heh, also I love the title of this post.
posted by limeonaire at 8:33 AM on May 12, 2019 [2 favorites]
I read a while back that the curious name of YouTube exists because the original founders (or perhaps funders) thought it might be a good way to share personals ads online.
Dodged a bullet there, we did.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:45 AM on May 12, 2019 [4 favorites]
Dodged a bullet there, we did.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:45 AM on May 12, 2019 [4 favorites]
Could be worse. Could be “I like David Lynch and dogs.” At lease most people are honest with how mediocre they are rather than trying to manufacture “weird.” I respect that.
posted by Young Kullervo at 9:48 AM on May 12, 2019 [7 favorites]
posted by Young Kullervo at 9:48 AM on May 12, 2019 [7 favorites]
A leafy copse that telepathically judges me sounds like a lot more fun than Tinder or any of its many variants.
posted by codacorolla at 9:50 AM on May 12, 2019 [7 favorites]
posted by codacorolla at 9:50 AM on May 12, 2019 [7 favorites]
I feel like I started seeing the first half of this video around the time that video dating services started, i.e. in the eighties--the subject of the video is an earnest but dull guy. (This is a prime example.) But then it goes letterbox...
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:06 AM on May 12, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:06 AM on May 12, 2019 [1 favorite]
I feel this, especially as a single woman who loves Derry Girls.
posted by ataco at 11:11 AM on May 12, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by ataco at 11:11 AM on May 12, 2019 [4 favorites]
live laugh love quote [force quit app]
what if it's this guy though
posted by poffin boffin at 11:17 AM on May 12, 2019 [14 favorites]
what if it's this guy though
posted by poffin boffin at 11:17 AM on May 12, 2019 [14 favorites]
if they could share a meal with anyone, would choose Tom Brady.
chris evans would say this though
posted by poffin boffin at 11:18 AM on May 12, 2019 [3 favorites]
chris evans would say this though
posted by poffin boffin at 11:18 AM on May 12, 2019 [3 favorites]
"Beach or mountains? - Both" - at least 40% of the Bumble profiles I see in my area (from both genders). I enjoy both too, but either give some more information about what you like about each or answer a question that you have a more interesting answer to.
I'm dipping my toes back into online dating and am still surprised at how bad some of the profiles are. At least the "I like The Office" dudes make some kind of effort; I see so many that are exclusively one or two terrible photos, age, and location.
posted by Candleman at 11:18 AM on May 12, 2019 [1 favorite]
I'm dipping my toes back into online dating and am still surprised at how bad some of the profiles are. At least the "I like The Office" dudes make some kind of effort; I see so many that are exclusively one or two terrible photos, age, and location.
posted by Candleman at 11:18 AM on May 12, 2019 [1 favorite]
Somewhere in the not-too-distant present, two cobbled-together bots and a mad scientist are missing their pal/test subject. Hamdingers.
posted by zaixfeep at 11:28 AM on May 12, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by zaixfeep at 11:28 AM on May 12, 2019 [3 favorites]
A leafy copse that telepathically judges me sounds like a lot more fun than Tinder or any of its many variants.
I am basically this leafy corpse, at least when I'm talking to cis dudes on Tinder, at this point.
One thing that did not ring true about this guy was that he actually asked questions; although, they were very bland questions, and his follow-up was terrible. My favorite Tinder conversation ever was with a guy who not only asked me nothing, but who praised me on my question-asking skills, saying that usually on Tinder he didn't find that a lot of people were able to hold conversations, and that it was nice that I asked him questions about himself. I replied, "Yeah, it's really nice when somebody asks you questions about yourself and is interested in you as a person!" And he said: Yup.
Yup. He probably liked The Office, too.
posted by sockermom at 11:30 AM on May 12, 2019 [35 favorites]
I am basically this leafy corpse, at least when I'm talking to cis dudes on Tinder, at this point.
One thing that did not ring true about this guy was that he actually asked questions; although, they were very bland questions, and his follow-up was terrible. My favorite Tinder conversation ever was with a guy who not only asked me nothing, but who praised me on my question-asking skills, saying that usually on Tinder he didn't find that a lot of people were able to hold conversations, and that it was nice that I asked him questions about himself. I replied, "Yeah, it's really nice when somebody asks you questions about yourself and is interested in you as a person!" And he said: Yup.
Yup. He probably liked The Office, too.
posted by sockermom at 11:30 AM on May 12, 2019 [35 favorites]
St Louis area Bumble:
Women: Basic girls giving duckface at Busch Stadium.
Men: Bros and camouflage.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 11:53 AM on May 12, 2019 [3 favorites]
Women: Basic girls giving duckface at Busch Stadium.
Men: Bros and camouflage.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 11:53 AM on May 12, 2019 [3 favorites]
As a middle-aged married Brit... I do not understand this video, nor this thread. Which is totally fine, smile, I shall go Google 80s childrens' TV shows some more.
posted by alasdair at 12:22 PM on May 12, 2019 [9 favorites]
posted by alasdair at 12:22 PM on May 12, 2019 [9 favorites]
Wait, what happened after the judgy forest?
posted by Omnomnom at 12:26 PM on May 12, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Omnomnom at 12:26 PM on May 12, 2019 [1 favorite]
- if they could share a meal with anyone, would choose Tom Brady.
-- chris evans would say this though
except he's already had dinner with Brady, knows the pitfalls, and would go with Aubrey Beardsley
posted by Iris Gambol at 12:36 PM on May 12, 2019 [1 favorite]
-- chris evans would say this though
except he's already had dinner with Brady, knows the pitfalls, and would go with Aubrey Beardsley
posted by Iris Gambol at 12:36 PM on May 12, 2019 [1 favorite]
coffee is pretty awesome tho
posted by entropicamericana at 1:35 PM on May 12, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by entropicamericana at 1:35 PM on May 12, 2019 [1 favorite]
I saw a profile recently where the man had written his name as "Derek ReadMyProfile" (first name has been changed). His profile read, in its entirety:
"Read my damn profile! LOL!
Without coffee i would probably never wake up."
Coffee coffee coffee coffee fish, hold the fish.
posted by sockermom at 2:12 PM on May 12, 2019 [8 favorites]
"Read my damn profile! LOL!
Without coffee i would probably never wake up."
Coffee coffee coffee coffee fish, hold the fish.
posted by sockermom at 2:12 PM on May 12, 2019 [8 favorites]
Wait. The Office is British TV.
I mean it's no Derry Girls but it's kind of a classic of UK comedy? How did he miss that Ricky Gervais is English?
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 2:47 PM on May 12, 2019 [3 favorites]
I mean it's no Derry Girls but it's kind of a classic of UK comedy? How did he miss that Ricky Gervais is English?
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 2:47 PM on May 12, 2019 [3 favorites]
I can say as point of fact: Chris Evans likes his dog. I do not know whether or not Chris Evans likes the Office. Or Tom Brady - but geolocationally? Chris Evans probably likes Tom Brady.
I'd also bet he is/was a fan of Community, or at least knows a few quotes from it...
posted by Nanukthedog at 3:41 PM on May 12, 2019
I'd also bet he is/was a fan of Community, or at least knows a few quotes from it...
posted by Nanukthedog at 3:41 PM on May 12, 2019
I mean it's no Derry Girls but it's kind of a classic of UK comedy? How did he miss that Ricky Gervais is English?
I would think it's out of character for him to recognize that. I think you'd struggle to have more than a quarter of American office viewers to know that.
posted by Karaage at 4:06 PM on May 12, 2019 [3 favorites]
I would think it's out of character for him to recognize that. I think you'd struggle to have more than a quarter of American office viewers to know that.
posted by Karaage at 4:06 PM on May 12, 2019 [3 favorites]
This felt like the first 3 minutes of a weird 18-minute Adult Swim video. I'm ready for the other 15 minutes anytime.
posted by mmoncur at 4:26 PM on May 12, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by mmoncur at 4:26 PM on May 12, 2019 [2 favorites]
I tried making myself look interesting on Tinder, and then I realized I was probably just making myself look like a boring guy who was trying too hard to look weird. So then I tried to look normal, but my pictures betrayed me and I probably looked creepy instead. Eventually I just said I burn myself a lot when I cook, and invited people to watch bad movies, which — I don’t know what that accomplished, but it probably made me look creepy AND boring.
I finally deleted Tinder when I concluded that I don’t know how to present myself online.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 5:13 PM on May 12, 2019 [18 favorites]
I finally deleted Tinder when I concluded that I don’t know how to present myself online.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 5:13 PM on May 12, 2019 [18 favorites]
I feel like I do all the things right: my only cliché is a beautiful hillside photo, my profile text has character without being a resumé, and is entirely cliché free *except* maybe for the request that matches kick off conversation with a haiku (which isn't, like, holding a fish or anything but I'm sure you know the haiku type {\} {\}). Nobody sends a haiku, even the people who match and remark on it. Love is a battlefield.
posted by wildblueyonder at 5:24 PM on May 12, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by wildblueyonder at 5:24 PM on May 12, 2019 [1 favorite]
there is nobody who uses dating apps and thinks “ah yes, this system is working well”, is there?
posted by vogon_poet at 5:36 PM on May 12, 2019 [8 favorites]
posted by vogon_poet at 5:36 PM on May 12, 2019 [8 favorites]
there is nobody who uses dating apps and thinks “ah yes, this system is working well”, is there?
I've talked to both men and women who want a consistent stream of sex partners and don't particularly want to date, and they seem pretty happy with it.
posted by codacorolla at 5:52 PM on May 12, 2019 [5 favorites]
I've talked to both men and women who want a consistent stream of sex partners and don't particularly want to date, and they seem pretty happy with it.
posted by codacorolla at 5:52 PM on May 12, 2019 [5 favorites]
I've talked to both men and women who want a consistent stream of sex partners and don't particularly want to date, and they seem pretty happy with it.
That may not be representative of the typical user's experience..
posted by Candleman at 6:17 PM on May 12, 2019
That may not be representative of the typical user's experience..
posted by Candleman at 6:17 PM on May 12, 2019
That may not be representative of the typical user's experience..
the question wasn't whether the "typical" person found that dating apps worked well, the question was whether ANYONE found that dating apps worked well.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:24 PM on May 12, 2019 [6 favorites]
the question wasn't whether the "typical" person found that dating apps worked well, the question was whether ANYONE found that dating apps worked well.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:24 PM on May 12, 2019 [6 favorites]
Seriously? They could choose anyone, and Brady is the one?
You sound a little deflated.
Wait. The Office is British TV.
That depends on what the definition of is is.
posted by cortex at 6:37 PM on May 12, 2019 [9 favorites]
You sound a little deflated.
Wait. The Office is British TV.
That depends on what the definition of is is.
posted by cortex at 6:37 PM on May 12, 2019 [9 favorites]
@EmpressCallipygos and @ vogon_poet My boyfriend of three years and I met on tinder so at least two people out there found dating apps that worked out for them!
posted by raccoon409 at 7:38 PM on May 12, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by raccoon409 at 7:38 PM on May 12, 2019 [3 favorites]
He 100% looks/talks like a blend of Jake Peralta and Jason Mendoza.
posted by XtinaS at 8:14 PM on May 12, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by XtinaS at 8:14 PM on May 12, 2019 [3 favorites]
I tried making myself look interesting on Tinder, and then I realized I was probably just making myself look like a boring guy who was trying too hard to look weird
My sense is that there are two poles to this feel: that details are what makes you you, and that details equal "sweating the small stuff."
posted by rhizome at 8:19 PM on May 12, 2019
My sense is that there are two poles to this feel: that details are what makes you you, and that details equal "sweating the small stuff."
posted by rhizome at 8:19 PM on May 12, 2019
MetaFilter: "sweating the small stuff."
But also, that’s why I’m terrible at online dating, but (at least historically) OK at meeting people in person: if I have to think about how to present myself, I’m almost guaranteed to overthink it. It’s a lot easier to read someone’s reactions and respond to them than it is to make up an elevator pitch for an unseen audience.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 8:48 PM on May 12, 2019
But also, that’s why I’m terrible at online dating, but (at least historically) OK at meeting people in person: if I have to think about how to present myself, I’m almost guaranteed to overthink it. It’s a lot easier to read someone’s reactions and respond to them than it is to make up an elevator pitch for an unseen audience.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 8:48 PM on May 12, 2019
Without a haiku
You will never fall into
The wildblueyonder
posted by Sparx at 9:39 PM on May 12, 2019 [4 favorites]
You will never fall into
The wildblueyonder
posted by Sparx at 9:39 PM on May 12, 2019 [4 favorites]
I'm so glad I don't date anymore. I'd totally be one of those people who would seem to be trying too hard to be quirky - "I collect church cookbooks, currently I'm watching all the Charlie Chan movies and I love to chill out to Hermann Nitsch. I am also a celiac and don't own a cell phone."
And Derry Girls is way better than either Office (though I may be biased as I grew up Catholic - the episode in the second season with the funeral could have come out of my life experiences).
posted by Ashwagandha at 8:01 AM on May 13, 2019 [2 favorites]
And Derry Girls is way better than either Office (though I may be biased as I grew up Catholic - the episode in the second season with the funeral could have come out of my life experiences).
posted by Ashwagandha at 8:01 AM on May 13, 2019 [2 favorites]
Did anyone watch his other videos? Because this one about respecting the Grand Canyon made me laugh out loud, even more so than the Tinder one.
posted by weed donkey at 8:28 AM on May 13, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by weed donkey at 8:28 AM on May 13, 2019 [3 favorites]
Being quirky is never a problem. I'll swipe right on anyone who seems like they have a personality; yes, even the people who say they love the Office and doggos. (You'd be surprised how many profiles contain nothing at all, just photos.) The conversation is where things really matter: I find that, when talking to men on apps, nearly all of them are unable or unwilling to have a conversation. They never, ever ask me questions. They don't joke around or exchange witty banter with me. They just say things like "Sup," or monologue at me about how Joe Biden really is the best candidate "even though he has the creepy uncle thing going on" (gotta get that semi-woke feminist street cred recognized!), or they tell me that they don't know anything about the kind of books I like so "they won't even try to fake it by googling" and follow that up with a screen-length monologue about all the authors they like-- all male sci-fi authors. Both of these things happened with the last man I ever spoke with on Tinder. By that point, I was just done.
I want to tell everyone that the rules of online dating aren't hard: just try to be a person who genuinely wants to get to know other people. I think many of us are just so disillusioned that we don't really want to get to know other people. We want to know what game they are playing. Usually the game men are playing seems to be one of three: (1) I want a partner but I haven't done the work of figuring out who I am, so I come off as generic; (2) I want to talk about myself, aimed at another person or a reasonable facsimile of a person; or (3) I hate women, either knowingly or unknowingly, and I want to make them feel bad.
If your game is "I want to know other people because people are weird and interesting. I don't always get along with them, but that is fine, because that is how life is. I'd still like to meet more interesting people!" I feel like you fare a lot better on dating apps. I have been on a lot of dates with a lot of people, and the best ones are always with people who seem like they are interested in getting to know other people. The problem is that apps make it nearly impossible to feel excited about meeting or getting to know other people. I don't know the way around this, because apps are generally how people meet (I know multiple couples who met on Tinder or OKC). Someone could make a lot of money "disrupting" dating, that's for damn sure.
posted by sockermom at 8:34 AM on May 13, 2019 [9 favorites]
I want to tell everyone that the rules of online dating aren't hard: just try to be a person who genuinely wants to get to know other people. I think many of us are just so disillusioned that we don't really want to get to know other people. We want to know what game they are playing. Usually the game men are playing seems to be one of three: (1) I want a partner but I haven't done the work of figuring out who I am, so I come off as generic; (2) I want to talk about myself, aimed at another person or a reasonable facsimile of a person; or (3) I hate women, either knowingly or unknowingly, and I want to make them feel bad.
If your game is "I want to know other people because people are weird and interesting. I don't always get along with them, but that is fine, because that is how life is. I'd still like to meet more interesting people!" I feel like you fare a lot better on dating apps. I have been on a lot of dates with a lot of people, and the best ones are always with people who seem like they are interested in getting to know other people. The problem is that apps make it nearly impossible to feel excited about meeting or getting to know other people. I don't know the way around this, because apps are generally how people meet (I know multiple couples who met on Tinder or OKC). Someone could make a lot of money "disrupting" dating, that's for damn sure.
posted by sockermom at 8:34 AM on May 13, 2019 [9 favorites]
Online dating is probably doing some form of irreparable harm to a lot of people. I read a few forums dedicated to talking about dating and relationships and it's... very hard.
Anyway, this guys videos are great.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 9:14 AM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]
Anyway, this guys videos are great.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 9:14 AM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]
there is nobody who uses dating apps and thinks “ah yes, this system is working well”, is there?
Those of us who've used them to find long-term partners may disagree--we're also probably the ones who use them for the least amount of time
posted by benbenson at 10:09 AM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]
Those of us who've used them to find long-term partners may disagree--we're also probably the ones who use them for the least amount of time
posted by benbenson at 10:09 AM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]
I appreciate how many of the locations themselves were pitch-perfect, bog standard "LA dating profile" material (Angel City Brewery wings, LACMA lights, Malibu-area beach.) All that was really missing was him saying something like "I like all music except rap and country" in the Last Bookstore archway
posted by joechip at 11:10 AM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by joechip at 11:10 AM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]
I want to tell everyone that the rules of online dating aren't hard: just try to be a person who genuinely wants to get to know other people.
So, genuine question here: what am I to do as a man who literally spends a few minutes writing messages to folks on OKC that I like, and then never, ever hears back? Like, believe me, I'm doing everything people here want folks to do on sites/apps like OKC, and it's simply not working out for me. FTR: I'm in my 40s, I'm looking to date in the 35-50 age range, and I live in NYC.
posted by arkhangel at 11:45 AM on May 13, 2019 [3 favorites]
So, genuine question here: what am I to do as a man who literally spends a few minutes writing messages to folks on OKC that I like, and then never, ever hears back? Like, believe me, I'm doing everything people here want folks to do on sites/apps like OKC, and it's simply not working out for me. FTR: I'm in my 40s, I'm looking to date in the 35-50 age range, and I live in NYC.
posted by arkhangel at 11:45 AM on May 13, 2019 [3 favorites]
Arkhangel: I'm a woman who frequently had the same issue with emails I wrote to men. I don't think it's anything you're specifically doing, I think it's an inherant flaw of online dating itself.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:47 AM on May 13, 2019 [7 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:47 AM on May 13, 2019 [7 favorites]
@EmpressCallipygos: yeah, I agree. I get frustrated because I'm like, Hello, it's me, doing the things you say you're looking for! and it doesn't seem to have a result.
posted by arkhangel at 11:55 AM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by arkhangel at 11:55 AM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]
I've been married long enough that I never used dating apps (we met on at dating website), but I still think I understand most of the jokes in here. I definitely do not understand the fish thing, though. What's that about?
posted by asnider at 1:40 PM on May 13, 2019
posted by asnider at 1:40 PM on May 13, 2019
Having met my wife of many years on OK Cupid I think the biggest lesson I took away from it was don't waste a huge amount of time writing messages. Just be very forward and say, "Hi there! You seem super interesting, would you like to meet for coffee/lunch/dinner/ect."
Sure, include anything you guys obviously have in common, but don't get hung up being overly-clever or long winded. If you get a 10% response rate you're absolutely killing it. The reality is that most people are only going to write back to people they find attractive or interesting or both. If somebody just ignores you it's most likely they aren't into how you look or have some other issue with your interests or age or whatever. Not writing back is a helluva lot less harsh than what happens IRL when you ask somebody out and they aren't interested.
I met an insane amount of cool women in Seattle I never would have without dating apps. I think they are one of the most straightforwardly good things to come out of the internet.
posted by lattiboy at 1:44 PM on May 13, 2019 [2 favorites]
Sure, include anything you guys obviously have in common, but don't get hung up being overly-clever or long winded. If you get a 10% response rate you're absolutely killing it. The reality is that most people are only going to write back to people they find attractive or interesting or both. If somebody just ignores you it's most likely they aren't into how you look or have some other issue with your interests or age or whatever. Not writing back is a helluva lot less harsh than what happens IRL when you ask somebody out and they aren't interested.
I met an insane amount of cool women in Seattle I never would have without dating apps. I think they are one of the most straightforwardly good things to come out of the internet.
posted by lattiboy at 1:44 PM on May 13, 2019 [2 favorites]
I've been married long enough that I never used dating apps (we met on at dating website), but I still think I understand most of the jokes in here. I definitely do not understand the fish thing, though. What's that about?
My takeaway on that and "I like the Office" ties into his "British TV?!? No! I don't want to...!" He says he likes the Office, but what he really means by that is he likes the USA remake of the Office... completely unaware that there was also British version. The fish and how he incorporates it into his dating vid is so surreal, it's practically straight up Monty Python. (I immediately thought of the Fish Slapping dance the first time he brought out the fish.)
So, I think a lot of the humor around those three things is he is consummately unaware of who he actually is and what he actually likes.
posted by a non mouse, a cow herd at 5:04 PM on May 13, 2019 [2 favorites]
My takeaway on that and "I like the Office" ties into his "British TV?!? No! I don't want to...!" He says he likes the Office, but what he really means by that is he likes the USA remake of the Office... completely unaware that there was also British version. The fish and how he incorporates it into his dating vid is so surreal, it's practically straight up Monty Python. (I immediately thought of the Fish Slapping dance the first time he brought out the fish.)
So, I think a lot of the humor around those three things is he is consummately unaware of who he actually is and what he actually likes.
posted by a non mouse, a cow herd at 5:04 PM on May 13, 2019 [2 favorites]
The fish thing is as far as I can tell just that a lot of dudes pose with fish in pictures. It's not semiotics, it's a guy holding a fish.
posted by cortex at 5:32 PM on May 13, 2019 [15 favorites]
posted by cortex at 5:32 PM on May 13, 2019 [15 favorites]
"I am a Tinder guy holding a fish and I will provide for you."
posted by sockermom at 5:41 PM on May 13, 2019 [9 favorites]
posted by sockermom at 5:41 PM on May 13, 2019 [9 favorites]
Deep sea fishing expeditions have become pretty popular as a male bonding excursion over the past few years. Some guy takes you out in a boat and you sit in a chair and drink beer with your friends until you manage to land something. A certain type of man is wont to use pictures of that experience as a public representation online. I think it fits into the canned and mass produced feeling that so much swipe dating has.
posted by codacorolla at 6:30 PM on May 13, 2019
posted by codacorolla at 6:30 PM on May 13, 2019
Having met my wife of many years on OK Cupid
I think you may not have experienced the extremely grim modern version of dating apps, all of which now imitate Tinder and have been “optimized” in a Silicon Valley way.
For example, based on match rates they build a statistical model of each user’s attractiveness. They then use this to decide who gets shown whose profile. In general the idea is to show people whose attractiveness is similar. But for new users, and for people who seem to be losing engagement with the app, they will match with lots of attractive people in order to give them false hope, and to encourage them to pay for higher placement rates with other users.
posted by vogon_poet at 7:29 PM on May 13, 2019 [5 favorites]
I think you may not have experienced the extremely grim modern version of dating apps, all of which now imitate Tinder and have been “optimized” in a Silicon Valley way.
For example, based on match rates they build a statistical model of each user’s attractiveness. They then use this to decide who gets shown whose profile. In general the idea is to show people whose attractiveness is similar. But for new users, and for people who seem to be losing engagement with the app, they will match with lots of attractive people in order to give them false hope, and to encourage them to pay for higher placement rates with other users.
posted by vogon_poet at 7:29 PM on May 13, 2019 [5 favorites]
Yeah, and it’s one single value for attractiveness, so “lack of personal hygiene” is effectively the same as “fun, but into specific niche things.” It flattens what’s acceptable for dating, so you end up seeing a lot of people who are really into travel, outdoor activities, and coffee because those are broadly appealing. People need to be aware that you are literally at risk of losing your ranking at all times.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 8:53 PM on May 13, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 8:53 PM on May 13, 2019 [5 favorites]
DC tinder scene:
Most men were holding a fish.
The others had guns.
posted by you must supply a verb at 11:25 AM on May 14, 2019
Most men were holding a fish.
The others had guns.
posted by you must supply a verb at 11:25 AM on May 14, 2019
Metafilter: It's not semiotics, it's a guy holding a fish.
posted by Freelance Demiurge at 11:34 AM on May 14, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Freelance Demiurge at 11:34 AM on May 14, 2019 [2 favorites]
DC tinder scene:
Most men were holding a fish.
The others had guns
SF Tinder scene:
If a woman is holding a fish, there is likely to be another picture of her with a gun.
♫ ...at Farmers Only dot com ♫
posted by rhizome at 12:25 PM on May 14, 2019
Most men were holding a fish.
The others had guns
SF Tinder scene:
If a woman is holding a fish, there is likely to be another picture of her with a gun.
♫ ...at Farmers Only dot com ♫
posted by rhizome at 12:25 PM on May 14, 2019
Arkhangel: I'm a woman who frequently had the same issue with emails I wrote to men. I don't think it's anything you're specifically doing, I think it's an inherant flaw of online dating itself.
On one hand: this is an inherent flaw of online dating itself. Also, in any venue, and for any permutation of gender with intiator & recipient, responding to someone reaching out to you is much more likely yield a positive response than any given attempt to initiate contact.
Also, let's not underplay the degree to which connection is an uphill battle in the first place. Like, imagine a simple model in which there are, say, just 4 major interpersonal factors that determine compatibility, evenly distributed across populations, and compatibility means a partner who is within 15% of "like you" on each of those. That means in any geographic area, 30% of 30% of 30% of 30% of single people in your age range (.008%!) are going to be potentially compatible assuming they're not dealing with something else keeping them out of the dating pool (and if any of these interpersonal factors are normally distributed, heaven help those on a tail). And then of course, you still have to work at building a real relationship.
All of this is to say that nobody is going to have it easy and anyone who has found a partner they deeply value is actually pretty lucky.
But on the other hand, after talking to many of my male and female friends who've used dating apps, whatever the hazards of essentialist overgeneralization are, it's hard for me to come to any other conclusion but that men and women (at least het men and women) often have distinct experiences and problems on apps.
Generally (YMMV) women seem to more often have the problem of sorting through a high volume of low quality attention for signals that someone the potential they're looking for (and this problem may well get harder the broader the appeal one can project).
Generally (YMMV) men seem to more often have the problem of figuring out how to not get lost/ignored in the volume of either signal-less or low quality attention.
Among both, many don't seem to appreciate the degree to which the other side of the problem can be different and difficult (because of course everybody's had an experience where they tried to reach out and got nothing, and of course everybody's gotten attention they didn't really want). Or the degree to which our own selection functions and blocks/barriers require introspection and oversight in order to prevent internal sabotage. :/
So to arkhangel's feeling of "I get frustrated because I'm like, Hello, it's me, doing the things you say you're looking for! and it doesn't seem to have a result" ... boy do I FEEL that. And suspect that part of the problem is those selection functions are often not what we articulate or even know how to. But there may be a simpler problem -- there may not many (if any) of us in the world who meet a "you qualify for frequent dating satisfaction SUCCESS!" hurdle, even if you're doing most of the things right. As one of my friends reminded me in a moment of adolescent self-pity, even Richard Gere gets dumped.
What then? We're back to something like sockermom's advice: "I want to know other people because people are weird and interesting. I don't always get along with them, but that is fine, because that is how life is. I'd still like to meet more interesting people!" Not because this attitude will result in having frequent dating satisfaction SUCCESS but because it's the only way left to play the game that isn't maddening. The ideal might be something like Phil Connors in _Groundhog Day_: having confronted the tedium, the boredom, and long odds on escaping, having tried hedonism or nihilism or giving up, and having even sharpened oneself into a efficient machine theoretically perfectly adapted to winning the heart of an ideal... one just accepts that we don't know how to win, only play the game with more curiosity, goodwill, and even playfulness at tiny margins.
Of course, I still would like to have kids before I get too old, don't have ten thousand years to practice, and so this advice too has its limits.
posted by wildblueyonder at 3:53 PM on May 14, 2019 [3 favorites]
On one hand: this is an inherent flaw of online dating itself. Also, in any venue, and for any permutation of gender with intiator & recipient, responding to someone reaching out to you is much more likely yield a positive response than any given attempt to initiate contact.
Also, let's not underplay the degree to which connection is an uphill battle in the first place. Like, imagine a simple model in which there are, say, just 4 major interpersonal factors that determine compatibility, evenly distributed across populations, and compatibility means a partner who is within 15% of "like you" on each of those. That means in any geographic area, 30% of 30% of 30% of 30% of single people in your age range (.008%!) are going to be potentially compatible assuming they're not dealing with something else keeping them out of the dating pool (and if any of these interpersonal factors are normally distributed, heaven help those on a tail). And then of course, you still have to work at building a real relationship.
All of this is to say that nobody is going to have it easy and anyone who has found a partner they deeply value is actually pretty lucky.
But on the other hand, after talking to many of my male and female friends who've used dating apps, whatever the hazards of essentialist overgeneralization are, it's hard for me to come to any other conclusion but that men and women (at least het men and women) often have distinct experiences and problems on apps.
Generally (YMMV) women seem to more often have the problem of sorting through a high volume of low quality attention for signals that someone the potential they're looking for (and this problem may well get harder the broader the appeal one can project).
Generally (YMMV) men seem to more often have the problem of figuring out how to not get lost/ignored in the volume of either signal-less or low quality attention.
Among both, many don't seem to appreciate the degree to which the other side of the problem can be different and difficult (because of course everybody's had an experience where they tried to reach out and got nothing, and of course everybody's gotten attention they didn't really want). Or the degree to which our own selection functions and blocks/barriers require introspection and oversight in order to prevent internal sabotage. :/
So to arkhangel's feeling of "I get frustrated because I'm like, Hello, it's me, doing the things you say you're looking for! and it doesn't seem to have a result" ... boy do I FEEL that. And suspect that part of the problem is those selection functions are often not what we articulate or even know how to. But there may be a simpler problem -- there may not many (if any) of us in the world who meet a "you qualify for frequent dating satisfaction SUCCESS!" hurdle, even if you're doing most of the things right. As one of my friends reminded me in a moment of adolescent self-pity, even Richard Gere gets dumped.
What then? We're back to something like sockermom's advice: "I want to know other people because people are weird and interesting. I don't always get along with them, but that is fine, because that is how life is. I'd still like to meet more interesting people!" Not because this attitude will result in having frequent dating satisfaction SUCCESS but because it's the only way left to play the game that isn't maddening. The ideal might be something like Phil Connors in _Groundhog Day_: having confronted the tedium, the boredom, and long odds on escaping, having tried hedonism or nihilism or giving up, and having even sharpened oneself into a efficient machine theoretically perfectly adapted to winning the heart of an ideal... one just accepts that we don't know how to win, only play the game with more curiosity, goodwill, and even playfulness at tiny margins.
Of course, I still would like to have kids before I get too old, don't have ten thousand years to practice, and so this advice too has its limits.
posted by wildblueyonder at 3:53 PM on May 14, 2019 [3 favorites]
The worst-ever dating profile pic was a wedding photo featuring a happy bride and groom. No, this wasn't a polyamorous couple looking for a third. It was a recently divorced man clearly lacking common sense as well as even the most rudimentary photo-editing skills. Apparently.
posted by smorgasbord at 7:26 PM on May 14, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by smorgasbord at 7:26 PM on May 14, 2019 [3 favorites]
The worst-ever dating profile pic was a wedding photo featuring a happy bride and groom.
He put all that effort into looking good that day, might as well use it, amiright?
(I'd be curious to know how many responses he got just because of that photo.)
posted by clawsoon at 5:13 AM on May 15, 2019
He put all that effort into looking good that day, might as well use it, amiright?
(I'd be curious to know how many responses he got just because of that photo.)
posted by clawsoon at 5:13 AM on May 15, 2019
Keep in mind that people like Tom Brady never take other people to dinner. They are always taken to dinner. You'll be paying.
posted by clawsoon at 6:41 AM on May 15, 2019
posted by clawsoon at 6:41 AM on May 15, 2019
Holy cats!
They remade The Office in the US? How did any of that even translate?
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 1:25 PM on May 16, 2019
They remade The Office in the US? How did any of that even translate?
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 1:25 PM on May 16, 2019
It started off fairly beat-for-beat with fairly closely translated character relationships, and then sort of blossomed into its own thing. Steve Carrell's character diverged pretty starkly from Ricky Gervais despite still being an anxious and deluded wreck of a regional boss, and the whole thing ended up being a little softer and more sympathetic than the UK version despite sticking fairly hard to the pseudo-docu cringe comedy format.
posted by cortex at 3:19 PM on May 16, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by cortex at 3:19 PM on May 16, 2019 [2 favorites]
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