We are saddened that this [narrow drain channel] is necessary.

January 10, 2020 8:49 AM

My Layoff Letter Ground Up with Text From Meat Processing Trade Magazines "I regret to notify you that following a declaration of [foam buildup in manure pits below the slats] by [Gruel-O-Matic] University, you are being laid off from your [automatic clipping/hanging machine] with the university. This [one-shot humane stunning] has been an extremely difficult one and has been made as a result of [material handling, grinding, blending, and emulsion] below university projections and the impact on the university budget of [chronic or endemic transmission of pathogens]."

More background on the layoffs (which include positions in philosophy and theatre) and a petition.

posted by zenzenobia (5 comments total)

That was awesome.
And, a tad disturbing.
posted by davebarnes at 9:34 AM on January 10, 2020

Modular separating solutions push the boundaries of what has been to what could be.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 10:12 AM on January 10, 2020 [1 favorite]

why isn't the bold text links
posted by ryanrs at 1:06 PM on January 10, 2020 [1 favorite]

I'm guessing these trade magazines are not online, or are accessible only if you have a membership or access them through a library database - so not linkable. (In any case it's the juxtaposition of smarmy higher ed slogans with meat processing technology that makes the point.)

PS: Was relieved as a newbie to see it wasn't me who'd left out links! Eep.
posted by zenzenobia at 8:29 AM on January 11, 2020

best Mad Libs ever. Need more random Rendering phrase generators.
posted by ohshenandoah at 11:36 PM on January 12, 2020