A Whole New World
February 19, 2020 10:24 PM   Subscribe

 
My Twitter followers have several questions about Long Chile and other assorted items from your map.

well let's hear em

I think they're broader, more existential questions like "...w--why?" and "b-- huh?"

they're not asking that about our current map though, are they?

- Whoa
posted by Phssthpok at 10:28 PM on February 19 [25 favorites]


where does chile end and florida begin? and is florida neutral?
posted by kliuless at 10:32 PM on February 19 [2 favorites]


I don’t think it’s possible for Florida to be neutral about anything, just ambivalent.
posted by Going To Maine at 10:43 PM on February 19 [6 favorites]


I am curious to know what Canada's response to having Chile and Idaho and Texas divide it up is, although maybe we joined Chile?
posted by Jon Mitchell at 10:44 PM on February 19


I was all aboard until I saw East Dakota.
posted by gusottertrout at 11:00 PM on February 19 [6 favorites]


Not a whole new world, just a whole new hemisphere... but speaking as a California resident who's close enough to the coast to be annexed by Chile, I have extremely mixed emotions and wish I followed Chilean politics...
posted by oneswellfoop at 11:05 PM on February 19 [3 favorites]


I like that Canada is invaded 3 times in this map and not once goes to war over it.

Craig Calcaterra@craigcalcaterra
Replying to @TrevGould
:

On-brand
posted by TWinbrook8 at 11:20 PM on February 19 [4 favorites]


I, for one, am disappointed that she did not give the UP to Wisconsin.


The response from the UCLA Library in the thread gave me joy.
posted by acidnova at 11:27 PM on February 19 [12 favorites]


Long Chile needs to be added to this thread.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:36 PM on February 19 [2 favorites]


So I get to go back home without having to move? Good timeline.
posted by ipsative at 12:25 AM on February 20 [3 favorites]


Ohio 2

WHY?
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 1:48 AM on February 20 [6 favorites]


Canada didn't go to war, but the Canadian Forces did respond:

We're right here, Anna.
Right here.

posted by bcd at 2:01 AM on February 20 [12 favorites]


The father wrote a blog post about the whole affair.

Appears the child has something of a history, having once gotten him an note from Wikipedia that someone from his IP address vandalized the page about mallard ducks... and much more amusement.
posted by bcd at 2:10 AM on February 20 [30 favorites]


I look forward to reading Anna's first novel or graphic novel. Or manifesto she carves on the side of a mountain.
posted by bryon at 2:27 AM on February 20 [10 favorites]


Also, from the blog post bcd linked to:

"she is basically just an agent of chaos. She's the dog who doesn't know what she'd do if she ever caught the car she was chasing."

She is Coyote, the trickster god made flesh. We are fortunate to have her among us in these dark days.
posted by bryon at 2:34 AM on February 20 [21 favorites]


Oh god. That Coyote mention reminded me of a Gunnerkrigg Court character who recently came back. Who's begun dealing with her nihilism and cynicism with humor. Oh god oh god oh god.

Zimmy is real.
posted by BiggerJ at 3:10 AM on February 20 [3 favorites]


When I lived in Washington, DC, I went to a Mexican restaurant and was surprised to see chile rellenos on the menu. I had been disappointed before by the local Mexican food and I had never seen this item in the area.
I was suspicious and wanted to make sure it wasn't stuffed bell peppers. I asked if this was the long sort of chile. The waiter said yes. The dish was stuffed bell peppers which were smashed and lengthened.
Long Chile reminded me of that.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 3:18 AM on February 20 [18 favorites]


Minnesota is no East Dakota! THIS WILL NOT STAND!!!!
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:21 AM on February 20 [9 favorites]


Given the last two centuries, if Mexico can’t have Texas back (minus most Texans; they’ve been traditionally bad for Mexican sovereignty), having Florida as a buffer state might be a relief. Until trouble with Florida starts.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:25 AM on February 20 [2 favorites]


Do you really want Houston to be added to Florida. I mean the flooding is on theme but can the planet handle that many additional Floridians. Because, and we know this to be true, too many Florida man stories will force WW IV, but it will be fought Jacksonville style.
posted by Ignorantsavage at 4:03 AM on February 20 [2 favorites]


Where is Alaska? WHAT HAPPENED TO ALASKA?!
posted by ardgedee at 4:04 AM on February 20 [4 favorites]


It is finally free. They managed to turn the entire state into a space capable vessel and hid the launch of their Project Orion style vessel in the noise of WW III's nuclear exchange. As no nukes were exchanged the launch was very confusing to everyone else.
posted by Ignorantsavage at 4:10 AM on February 20 [6 favorites]


What happened to the coastline west of Yukon?
posted by heatherlogan at 5:22 AM on February 20


zzzzzzzzzzzzzzt - stop the chaos Alaska - millions dead or missing - Chilean forces merciless but not like Florida merciless oh god SHE MUST BE STOPPED
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 5:27 AM on February 20


The blog post that bcd linked was kinda surprisingly good. From the son writing thicc on the patio 56 times to the Snack Rack to the thoughtful consideration between three adults regarding whether it is icky for Anna to get airpods post-viral-fame (spoiler: she likely will, but only by doing charity stuff), seems like this fam is all right.
posted by lazaruslong at 6:21 AM on February 20 [7 favorites]


Really, West Dakota should be East Montana. Or South Saskatchewan.
posted by ZeusHumms at 6:30 AM on February 20 [2 favorites]


Minnesota: East Dakota, or West Wisconsin?
posted by ZeusHumms at 6:33 AM on February 20 [1 favorite]


Anna is like a chaotic neutral savant or something.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:35 AM on February 20


I hope Fox News doesn't see this. It will become a whole new Guatemalan caravan.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 6:45 AM on February 20 [2 favorites]


From the blog post:

A lot of Gen-Z kids do, frankly. Indeed, while a lot of the reaction to Anna and Carlo's viral fame of the past week has been of the amused "oh my God, who THINKS like this?!!" variety, people who have Gen-Z kids or who have interacted with them have responded a bit differently. Their reactions have been more along the lines of "ah, yeah, that's definitely the work of a modern teenager."

This, exactly. I was amused by the map, but not at all surprised, having seen what comes from the minds of my kids and their friends. All the arty/performy kids are like this, honestly. It's pretty great.
posted by cooker girl at 6:54 AM on February 20 [15 favorites]


Until trouble with Florida starts.


Narrator: "Trouble with Florida started almost immediately."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:08 AM on February 20 [10 favorites]


I am curious to know what Canada's response to having Chile and Idaho and Texas divide it up is

Here in Santiago-14, what used to be Vancouver, we have forgotten Canada.

You should ask what it means to be Long Chilean. Ask about our love of the sea, so wild and dark that we must have it all. Ask why our spirits are as high as the mountain border.

Ask about Vladivostok, Seoul, Shanghai, Ho Chi Minh City, Darwin.

Round Chile. It is coming. We love the sea so well we shall embrace it.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 7:27 AM on February 20 [34 favorites]


Neither New Hampshire nor Vermont people would accept this.
posted by transient at 7:31 AM on February 20


The piece by Anna's father really is pretty great, but my favorite aspect of the map (aside from Ohio2, of course) is that Canada seemed to be more or less fine with the northward landgrab of Idaho, but left those little Albertan and British Columbian exclaves in its wake.
posted by Navelgazer at 7:43 AM on February 20 [2 favorites]


- they're not asking that about our current map though, are they?

You can't do that, because it's freaking me out.
posted by The Bellman at 7:46 AM on February 20 [3 favorites]


East Virginia has been canon for some time.
posted by mwhybark at 8:17 AM on February 20 [1 favorite]


Ohio 2

WHY?


Update: I asked her if Ohio2 was a replica of the actual Ohio or if it’s just a cutout shape.
Anna: lmaoooo

also ohio 2 is just the shape cut out

it's sole purpose is to make people frustrated

Craig: I see

Anyway, it's over 14,000 likes now. My Twitter has been totally unusable all day.

Anna: i'm glad i could cause an inconvenience

Craig: No sense in stopping now.
posted by solotoro at 8:23 AM on February 20 [9 favorites]


Maybe it’s too Millennial of me, but I don’t really see what’s particularly Zoomer-specific about the map. That is, the list of notes, while a delight, seems like it could have been a McSweeney’s list at any time during the last decade.
posted by Going To Maine at 8:41 AM on February 20 [4 favorites]


Somebody tried to sell me this map as serious, last night. I copied this from my messenger. He thinks this is going to happen, lives in Idaho. I am like are there weird additives in the milk up where you live? I wonder, though, how much a border crossing will cost into the mid-X-Cal central coast, after it is Long Chile. Then imagine how many times people will ask if you want long chili at eateries, ever after.
posted by Oyéah at 8:53 AM on February 20 [2 favorites]


My 14 year old nephew has this sort of sense of humor too. Interesting...
posted by kitcat at 8:57 AM on February 20 [1 favorite]


This is so Zoomer. A lot of Zoomers were raised by GenXers who already have a deep appreciation for quirkiness. The bar for randomness is set quite high in a GenX / Zoomer household.
posted by selfmedicating at 9:01 AM on February 20 [13 favorites]


I really find the Zoomer nomenclature confusing. Wasn't Zoomer already being used to refer to Boomers who didn't curl up and die when they retired?
posted by jacquilynne at 9:04 AM on February 20 [2 favorites]


I wouldn't mind living in Capitol City, Ohio 2.
posted by JoeZydeco at 9:22 AM on February 20 [2 favorites]


Wasn't Zoomer already being used to refer to Boomers who didn't curl up and die when they retired?

Yes. They even have a magazine.
posted by asnider at 9:50 AM on February 20


Texas and Idaho extended by popular vote...surely not by the residents of the states and countries they invaded though, right?
posted by asnider at 9:51 AM on February 20


This is pretty much my best-case scenario for how things work out with me and Tiny Croft as she grows up.

Since she's currently three and a half, though, my current best-case scenario is Bluey.
posted by Naberius at 10:22 AM on February 20


Texas and Idaho extended by popular vote...surely not by the residents of the states and countries they invaded though, right?

I dunno, did you see the areas they take over? Pretty underpopulated. Texas would easily out vote them, I mean it only said popular vote, it didn't say outsiders would get a ballot. The Idaho extension is trickier to judge, but I trust Anna worked out the math.
posted by gusottertrout at 10:29 AM on February 20 [1 favorite]


Has anyone worked out the 2020 election implications yet? I guess losing Wyoming doesn't change much, but might help the Democrats in the Senate. Otherwise the loss of Senate seats due to merging states seems to work out evenly. A bunch of rural Saskatchewanians and Manitobans are probably not going to help flip Texas, and the Idaho situation is similar. California might lose a ton of electoral votes, since most of its large cities are now in Long Chile? A lot depends on the electoral makeup of Ohio2, the date of Florida's secession, and the fate of Alaska.
posted by oulipian at 11:16 AM on February 20 [2 favorites]


Everyone calling this gen-Z humor makes me feel ahead of my time. I'm 50, but this is the sort of thing I could easily imagine several of my friends having done back in high school. My youngest might do it now too, admittedly.
posted by Four Ds at 12:18 PM on February 20 [2 favorites]


Wasn't Zoomer already being used to refer to Boomers who didn't curl up and die when they retired?

I nominate "zeemer" to be the name of the generation. They can have their own beverage once they're old enough to drink.
posted by hydra77 at 12:46 PM on February 20


A few notes.:

This fulfills my "Drive to a Pole" (Yes, I used to read Alt.pave.the.earth) requirement. Why does Texas always get too much of everything??

Hopefully Long Idaho will prompt the white supremacists to move north enough so where their inadequate Arctic life skills will kill them.

Ohio is kinda a decorative state, good use. Would that contain Washington, Ohio? If so, please centrally locate at old Four Corners spot for frustration multiplier.
posted by djrock3k at 1:05 PM on February 20


The bar for randomness is set quite high in a GenX / Zoomer household.

You should hear the conversations we have. They're absolutely ridiculous. Same with the family text chat. My parents and my MIL honestly Do Not Get It.
posted by cooker girl at 3:33 PM on February 20 [5 favorites]


all the Z-words were ruined back in the day, believe me. You need a new alphabet. Thank god we’ve left ASCII behind, by a unanimous vote!
posted by mwhybark at 7:18 PM on February 20


You should ask what it means to be Long Chilean. Ask about our love of the sea, so wild and dark that we must have it all. Ask why our spirits are as high as the mountain border.

In Long Chile I am in my homeland-- surfer dude, hippy girl, northern hermit. I head for the snows, knowing that they will lead me to the tropic beaches of paradise, and back to the waters of my spawning. I need no inland empire-- The Pacific holds my hand.
posted by The otter lady at 8:46 PM on February 20 [5 favorites]


I started following him on Twitter, but turns out his feed is really long on baseball and disappointingly short on long Chile.
posted by uberchet at 4:40 PM on February 21 [3 favorites]


In the original charter for Connecticut, the border was specified as extending west all the way to the pacific ocean. These claims were successfully defended during the Constitutional convention, and then sold to speculators in 1795.

If we're extending states, why not long Connecticut?
posted by vibratory manner of working at 8:17 PM on February 21 [2 favorites]


Wide Connecticut, surely? Thick Connecticut?
posted by Think_Long at 6:18 AM on February 22 [2 favorites]


connectithicc
posted by lazaruslong at 8:03 AM on February 22 [4 favorites]


Wide Connecticut, surely? Thick Connecticut?

If the brother gets involved, it'll be Thicc Connecticut.
posted by asnider at 10:42 AM on February 24


.
posted by lazaruslong at 12:57 PM on February 24


Connecthiccut just standing in the corner, waiting for someone to invite them over.
posted by Going To Maine at 11:13 PM on February 24 [3 favorites]


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