Ultimate Quarantine House Selection!
April 13, 2020 8:53 AM   Subscribe

Ultimate Quarantine House Selection! [via mefi projects]. A little toy that generates fresh instances of the "Pick Your Quarantine House" meme/game. Potential roommates are drawn from a pool of 3000+ celebrities and historical figures.
posted by mandolin conspiracy (26 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
This house contains 85 board games.

Roommates in House 2:
Aaron Rodgers
Calvin Coolidge
Ray Davies

So, a mysterious artist; the QB of my team's mortal enemy, a president, and a member of the Kinks. Banksy will likely keep to themself, and the walls will slowly become covered with artwork. Silent Cal will be...silent, but perhaps he'll be a good card player. Aaron Rodgers seems like he has a good sense of humor (despite the whole Green Bay thing) and he's rich so we'll be able to pay for food delivery and so on. Ray Davies seems to have done a bit of everything (musically and otherwise) so I predict many interesting late-night conversations at the kitchen table around beers and a cheesecake.

I think we'll all survive. The 85 board games will help.
posted by Gray Duck at 9:14 AM on April 13 [2 favorites]

fine, but Nero stays away from the Impluvium
posted by clavdivs at 9:18 AM on April 13

I picked 5 different houses, and only 1 had more than 1 female roommate. I think they add more famous women.
posted by The_Vegetables at 9:24 AM on April 13 [7 favorites]

Me: Hmm...do all of the men in this house understand consent?
Also me: Stupid imagination. Be less depressing.

But for real, I am not rooming with Genghis Khan. He probably won't do his own laundry anyway.
posted by Alison at 9:32 AM on April 13 [7 favorites]

Hmm, think I'm going to take the George Clinton/Bob Pollard house, but I wish I could take Laurie Anderson along
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 9:47 AM on April 13 [1 favorite]

This house has a brand new dishwasher, but you are warned, in the vaguest terms, not to use it.

Roommates in House 1:
Smokey Robinson
Augustine of Hippo
Janet Jackson
Brock Lesnar

posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:51 AM on April 13 [1 favorite]

i don't understand this meme

i don't want strangers in my house at any time let alone during a pandemic

i don't care who they are
posted by poffin boffin at 9:56 AM on April 13 [5 favorites]

Every room in this house needs repairs. The sole exception is the vast, immaculate, temperature-controlled wine cellar.

Roommates in House 4:
George Gordon, Lord Byron
Gustav I of Sweden
Cal Ripken, Jr.
Kim Basinger
Ray Charles
Georges Seurat

Drunk repairs it is, while Ray Charles plays us some music. Seurat would probably take forever to finish painting the walls, though...
posted by May Kasahara at 10:04 AM on April 13 [4 favorites]

This house has a small observatory out back.

Roommates in House 1:
Belinda Carlisle
Your weed dealer
Viggo Mortensen
Ryōtarō Shiba

I think I’m going to skip rerolling, this one seems comparatively low stress. Bonus: I don’t have a weed dealer, so there’s that much more room in the house.
posted by sysinfo at 10:32 AM on April 13 [4 favorites]

The only bed still available in this house is a twin-size.

I don't know about that....

Roommates in House 3:
Tennessee Williams
Emma Thompson

posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:40 AM on April 13 [7 favorites]

My house 1 had Benjamin Harrison.
Is this the dead president or the podcast host....?
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 10:48 AM on April 13

This house has all-glass floors.

Roommates in House 1:
Pope Benedict XIV
Missy Elliott
Gautama Buddha
Anna Akhmatova
Kim Jong-il

It wouldn’t be dull...
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:56 AM on April 13 [2 favorites]

This house is haunted by the ghost of an easygoing Episcopalian bishop.

Roommates in House 2:
Beatrix Potter
Chiang Kai-shek
Napoleon III
Georgia O'Keefe

I imagine pretty good dinner conversations. For a while.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:59 AM on April 13 [2 favorites]

Thanks to this, I've learned that Marcus Mumford, of Mumford and Sons, has a son named Wilfred Mumford. Now I'm definitely quarantining elsewhere.
posted by ChuraChura at 11:22 AM on April 13 [5 favorites]

The bathrooms in this house have wall-to-wall shag carpeting.

Roommates in House 2:
Lars Ulrich
Satyajit Ray
Mizan Zainal Abidin of Terengganu
Hieronymus Bosch
Sophia Loren

I feel like everyone in the house would put aside all of their differences and spend all of their time trying to explain to Lars Ulrich why the carpeted bathrooms are a bad idea and he still wouldn't get it.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 11:33 AM on April 13 [4 favorites]

The neighbors used to refer to this house as "Polygamy Junction." But that was years ago!

Roommates in House 1:
Ho Chi Minh
Ursula K. Le Guin
Immanuel Kant
Saovabha Phongsri
James McNeill Whistler

Wow, that should have some fascinating dinner conversations.
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 12:18 PM on April 13 [3 favorites]

This is absolutely fantastic use of Perchance. I love it.
posted by Sokka shot first at 1:19 PM on April 13 [1 favorite]

So, I didn't want to say anything and make people jealous...but I'm already sharing the lock-down with a celebrity. I don't want to be all name-droppy, but...
It's Wilson, from Cast Away.
posted by sexyrobot at 1:41 PM on April 13 [3 favorites]

Kinda takes a twist at the end

Rogue scholars occasionally dig up this house's front lawn looking for proof that Edward de Vere wrote Shakespeare's plays.

Roommates in House 4:
Franz Kafka
Emperor Xian of Han
Marlon Wayans

But sadly, I must choose another. Another that is surprisingly part of the same roll. I can't imagine it gets much better than this:

Roommates in House 1:
Shirley Manson
William Butler Yeats
Lauryn Hill
Anthony Perkins
Herbie Hancock

posted by rhizome at 3:41 PM on April 13 [4 favorites]

I thought the idea with quarantine houses was that they would be packed with mutually intolerable people making you choose your own hell, but a lot of these seem downright utopian.

I would totally take a house with Caravaggio and 50 Cent for the inevitable duel tho.
posted by rodlymight at 4:30 PM on April 13 [4 favorites]

I don't care who else is a housemate, I'm not sharing a house with Nietzsche.
posted by fiercekitten at 6:19 PM on April 13 [4 favorites]

On a related note, we got asked in the work meeting what celebrity we'd want to quarantine with. I said Lin-Manuel MIranda because he's always doing something and it'd never be dull.
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:40 PM on April 13 [2 favorites]

This is the house from the 2003 remake of Cheaper by the Dozen.

Roommates in House 1:
Kathryn Bigelow
Anne Brontë
Tammy Wynette
Juliette Lewis

I thought this house was pretty cool until I saw that other people got LeGuin and Lord Byron. Not I’ve got FOMER (fear of missing excellent roommates). It’s the same problem I have with Animal Crossing: I’d really really like to try again, but it feels mean-spirited to walk away.
posted by Nancy_LockIsLit_Palmer at 10:16 PM on April 13 [1 favorite]

This house smells faintly but constantly of cinnamon.

Roommates in House 3:
Jean-Jacques Rousseau
John F. Kennedy
Cristiano Ronaldo

This would be ... interesting. If we could keep Morrissey singing and not bloviating, it might be tolerable. Maybe. Nah... Re-roll.
posted by Sparky Buttons at 7:33 AM on April 14

I picked 5 different houses, and only 1 had more than 1 female roommate. I think they add more famous women.

True, and I'm still working on it. The first corpus I used to populate the generator was this list of the "most influential people on Wikipedia," as tabulated via total mentions across all language editions. That brought in lots of non-Westerners (with lots and lots of Hungarian politicians, for some reason?), but it was very dude-forward. I've compensated since by bringing in more equitable lists of actors, writers, and musicians, by hand-adding famous women, and by adjusting certain probability weights, but I freely admit I have a ways to go.
posted by Iridic at 8:40 AM on April 14 [4 favorites]

This would be ... interesting. If we could keep Morrissey singing and not bloviating, it might be tolerable. Maybe. Nah... Re-roll.

Given Morrissey's bloviating tendencies and topics of late, I'd imagine Ronaldo and Rousseau would eventually wind up dealing with him permanently.
posted by rhizome at 10:03 AM on April 14 [2 favorites]

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