It’ll give you an ice cream headache without the ice cream
May 22, 2020 9:53 AM   Subscribe

Scary northeast Minneapolis ice cream truck has heavy metal, no ice cream. The truck displays images of metal band logos on ice cream sticks but does not actually sell ice cream. The owner has been known to participate in art car parades.
posted by larrybob (28 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
That linked playlist is pretty fun.
posted by saladin at 10:02 AM on May 22 [1 favorite]

Very Kent Brockman voice for that headline
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 10:06 AM on May 22 [5 favorites]

Begins writing letter to city councilor to make it illegal to play ice cream music unless you are selling ice cream
posted by RobotHero at 10:15 AM on May 22 [7 favorites]

He's ripping Sweet Tooth from the old Twisted Metal PlayStation game.
posted by figment of my conation at 10:45 AM on May 22 [7 favorites]

Well pretty much the ONLY subject I take seriously, ice cream!, he does not. I get it, but what a harsh on my mellow.
posted by AugustWest at 10:58 AM on May 22

Remember metalhead vans? I haven't seen one of those things since I was a kid.
posted by TrialByMedia at 11:18 AM on May 22

Honestly, he just kind of sounds like an asshole.
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:20 AM on May 22 [5 favorites]

What would be fun is to rig up a sound box that sounds like the old electronic ice cream truck thingy and then spin some black MIDI through it.
posted by JoeZydeco at 11:39 AM on May 22

Man, I can be the first supporter of a funny, well-executed troll, but from the link in the article about his handcuffed-and-lynched Santa Claus display I think this guy's just kind of a dick.
posted by ZaphodB at 11:55 AM on May 22 [6 favorites]

#BadHarbingerTangent for reasons i can't explain, i am convinced that i will be murdered by our local ice cream truck. it is... too suspicious... all i hear is that 30 seconds of jingle on loop at all times of day and i'm convinced by its frequency and circling that it will be the last thing i hear.

so this is neat, but i'm still hella suspicious.
posted by zsh2v1 at 12:10 PM on May 22

“Ice cream” truck or “I scream” truck?
posted by grog at 12:23 PM on May 22 [4 favorites]

Christ, what an asshole.
posted by wenestvedt at 1:21 PM on May 22 [2 favorites]

Christ Satan, what an asshole.

There, more thematic.
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:39 PM on May 22 [4 favorites]

Gawd, he's awesome. Exactly the thing I needed to brighten my mood today. hahahhah, this guy rules #notevenkidding
posted by 23skidoo at 1:42 PM on May 22 [3 favorites]

During the W years I picked up a Ice Cream Truck sound machine off of eBay, mounted it to my bike, and handed out popsicles during Critical Mass
posted by art.bikes at 3:40 PM on May 22 [5 favorites]

Ah, what the world needs now, more weaponized self-pity.

That being said, the wattery of this kind of intrigues me, but I'm glad I don't have to explain it to a kid.
posted by Sheydem-tants at 3:46 PM on May 22 [1 favorite]

My life in van form.
posted by Young Kullervo at 4:32 PM on May 22 [2 favorites]

My former landlady was a retired military police officer. She was no-nonsense but liked me because I was the only human being alive (not excluding her) who her cat did not try to kill at all times, and therefore I could be persuaded to feed the not-so-little monster when she was away.

She was generally pretty good-humored, but ice cream truck music would drive her up the wall. Unfortunately, one summer an ice cream truck picked a spot right outside her house to serenade the children of the neighborhood with its clownish demon music.

She, and I should mention she was well north of sixty at the time, did not like this development one bit. So she went and kindly asked the driver, a well-built man of about thirty, to go park somewhere else. Which he did.

But then the next day he returned again to the same place. Again my landlady went to ask him to move. He did so, quite grumpily and had an exchange of words with her as he drove off.

On the third day he came back and this time the driver wasn’t going to let a sixty something year old woman tell him what to do, as he loudly explained to her. She replied that then she would call in a noise complaint, at which point the ice cream man stepped out of his truck and told her she would do no such thing. My landlady said she absolutely would.

So he took a swing at her.

She ducked and punched him flat on his ass.

He got back in his van, departed, and never blared his way through the neighborhood again, and word must’ve gotten out because ice cream trucks never stopped anywhere near that house.

Anyway, I was never late with a rent check, I can tell you that.
posted by Kattullus at 4:42 PM on May 22 [19 favorites]

There's a frighteningly dilapidated ice cream truck that patrols my neighborhood every weekend. It looks like it's painted with barn paint, and it's been added to over generations, boxy additions held on with duct tape and Bondo. And it plays the strangest possible ice cream truck playlist. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, all year. The Moonlight Sonata. And, every so often, the plaintive Theme From Love Story echoes around the neighborhood in a hauntingly tinny rendition.

I've never actually approached the van, but now I wonder if they're selling ice cream or ennui.
posted by MrVisible at 4:59 PM on May 22 [8 favorites]

I'll just, uhhh, leave this here.

Kind of surprising he has so much Strapping Young Lad on his playlist yet didn't manage to use the song that so obviously inspired him?
posted by deadaluspark at 5:46 PM on May 22

posted by inire at 6:09 PM on May 22

And it plays the strangest possible ice cream truck playlist. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, all year. The Moonlight Sonata. And, every so often, the plaintive Theme From Love Story

So, apparently when I was growing up in southern NM there were ice cream truck which were also selling drugs and letting people know what was on offer through the music they were playing. Turkey In The Straw was apparently cocaine, The Entertainer was marijuana. There were a couple of other tunes, but those are the only two I was told were drug advertisements. I think Workin' On The Railroad was one? maybe that was speed or something? Anyway.

Weird little factoid from growing up 45 miles from the Mexico border.
posted by hippybear at 6:43 PM on May 22 [3 favorites]

Simultaneously a massive dick move and glorious. Reminds me of Metalocalypse: "We got your favorite thing! Disappointment!"
posted by heteronym at 7:32 PM on May 22 [4 favorites]

Lamb of God? Basically pop. Might as well be painted sunshine yellow and playing Carly Rae Jepson.
posted by Special Agent Dale Cooper at 8:25 PM on May 22 [2 favorites]

How antisocial.
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 9:02 PM on May 22 [3 favorites]

Lamb of God? Basically pop.
His taste in metal is a little... eh for sure. You'd think a hesher ice cream truck painted black would blast Cirith Ungol's "Black Machine" a lot more frequently, or at least the Nuclear Assault version of the Mr. Softee theme.
posted by heteronym at 9:27 PM on May 22 [2 favorites]

Honestly, he just kind of sounds like an asshole.

If some people must be petty assholes - if it is their vocation, for whatever strange reason - I'd prefer they do things like this.
Being ignored by the heavy metal ice cream truck will be funny in a year. Battling with a HOA or landlord over your native garden plants is neither funny or a good story.
posted by solarion at 9:27 PM on May 22 [5 favorites]

Melvins ice cream.
posted by zoinks at 12:09 PM on May 24

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