Hooray! I'm the transgender princess of TERF Island!
January 31, 2021 10:30 AM Subscribe
Abigail Thorn, creator of popular YouTube channel, PhilosophyTube has come out as transgender and released a statement about the joy and fear of being trans in the UK. (also on twitter).
Xtra Magazine: What does it mean to be a trans person in the public eye? For Thorn, it’s constant vigilance, lest she step out of line, speak too harshly or act on impulse. “If I’m not at my best, then that can become a headline, which can then be translated into God knows what,” she says. “I don’t have equal rights anymore, and that’s quite jarring—to have this incredible [personal] freedom and joy and this very starkly backwards, spiteful political climate in which I have to exist.”
Xtra Magazine: What does it mean to be a trans person in the public eye? For Thorn, it’s constant vigilance, lest she step out of line, speak too harshly or act on impulse. “If I’m not at my best, then that can become a headline, which can then be translated into God knows what,” she says. “I don’t have equal rights anymore, and that’s quite jarring—to have this incredible [personal] freedom and joy and this very starkly backwards, spiteful political climate in which I have to exist.”
Her metaphor for being trans: imagine being stuck in a job you don't like. That worked on me and made me feel a deep, painful empathy with trans persons way more than any other explanation. Maybe I'm just a lazy person or have trouble with things that bore me, but I've had some grinding jobs, (bad enough that when the CEO walked in and asked me how I liked it there, I didn't answer except to start banging my head into my keyboard. And I needed the money!!) and so I'm surprised I never understood what the *grind* of being trans must be. To put on a costume and perform a role that feels fictive, every day, maybe every night, without being able to quit? And without even being able to perform rebellion against the metaphorical keyboard of the work, lest you raise all the loaded questions.
It must be exhausting for so many people.
posted by erinfern at 11:19 AM on January 31, 2021 [41 favorites]
It must be exhausting for so many people.
posted by erinfern at 11:19 AM on January 31, 2021 [41 favorites]
Using another actor to play Abby's "old self" was a master stroke and the video was great. I'm simultaneously joyful and fearful for Abby, being who she is in this time, in that (or any) place.
I wasn't surprised by this, though. Over the last few videos, it was clear that some kind of change was afoot. And this makes at least four (4) of the people I follow on youtube who've come out as trans in the last year or two, in addition to those who were already openly so. Which must say something interesting about my affinities for youtube leftists.
posted by klanawa at 11:25 AM on January 31, 2021 [13 favorites]
I wasn't surprised by this, though. Over the last few videos, it was clear that some kind of change was afoot. And this makes at least four (4) of the people I follow on youtube who've come out as trans in the last year or two, in addition to those who were already openly so. Which must say something interesting about my affinities for youtube leftists.
posted by klanawa at 11:25 AM on January 31, 2021 [13 favorites]
erinfern: Spot on. Presenting male always felt a bit like wearing a costume, and the more I leaned into masculine presentation, the more like a costume it was—specifically a cheap costume that kinda fits, but not well. I kept trying different masculine costumes over the years, and none of them ever really fit. Some fit slightly better than others, some of them fit really well at first but then began to wear down and chafe and become uncomfortable until I just had to rip it off and try something else. It took realizing that there were other options besides variations on the male costume to really crack my egg and become who I am.
And yes, it was exhausting, but I only realized that after the fact.
posted by SansPoint at 11:37 AM on January 31, 2021 [25 favorites]
And yes, it was exhausting, but I only realized that after the fact.
posted by SansPoint at 11:37 AM on January 31, 2021 [25 favorites]
I'm just want to call this out: "presenting as male" is huge in contemporary society. The pressure for anyone to pay attention, if you're not part of the "dude-club"! Want to care for the sick: gay. Want to care for the poor: gay. Want to have non-whites treated with respect: gay.
I guess I've been gay all my life, wanting justice and equality and such.
posted by SPrintF at 12:36 PM on January 31, 2021 [14 favorites]
I guess I've been gay all my life, wanting justice and equality and such.
posted by SPrintF at 12:36 PM on January 31, 2021 [14 favorites]
I kind of wonder whether COVID has felt like an opportunity for some people to transition while in relative isolation? I imagine there are stages on the hormonal or physical side of transitioning that it would be a relief to get through without having to go out every day and endure the scrutiny of colleagues, friends, neighbors and acquaintances?
posted by BrotherCaine at 1:01 PM on January 31, 2021 [6 favorites]
posted by BrotherCaine at 1:01 PM on January 31, 2021 [6 favorites]
I think for people who live in safe situations with other folks, or have the good fortune to afford to live alone, that yes, the social distancing would be a relief on that front. But also gender has a HUGE social component and that part being delayed while other things progress I could see becoming a post covid burden for trans folks.
posted by noiseanoise at 1:16 PM on January 31, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by noiseanoise at 1:16 PM on January 31, 2021 [3 favorites]
I caught the PhilisophyTubeLive announcement an hour before the episode premiered. When I saw the opening credits I actually thought "Oh wait, is this going to be a regeneration scene?"
What actually took place on screen was a much better choice, and had a solid pedagogical basis behind it. I love this channel and everything it produces.
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 1:30 PM on January 31, 2021 [5 favorites]
What actually took place on screen was a much better choice, and had a solid pedagogical basis behind it. I love this channel and everything it produces.
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 1:30 PM on January 31, 2021 [5 favorites]
Mod note: Hey folks -- please be mindful of using trans people's former names. It's avoidable if you're not sure how that person feels about it.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 1:36 PM on January 31, 2021 [22 favorites]
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 1:36 PM on January 31, 2021 [22 favorites]
Which must say something interesting about my affinities for youtube leftists.
I do find myself wondering whenever I see what seems to be another person coming out as trans in the YouTube-adjacent or cultural commentary space (c.f. video game critics, movie critics) if there is some sort of correlation between the kind of personal introspection and exposure that sincere critique requires and the awareness that one is trans. I tell myself this is all just bias on my part, but it’s where my head takes me.
posted by Going To Maine at 1:56 PM on January 31, 2021 [6 favorites]
I do find myself wondering whenever I see what seems to be another person coming out as trans in the YouTube-adjacent or cultural commentary space (c.f. video game critics, movie critics) if there is some sort of correlation between the kind of personal introspection and exposure that sincere critique requires and the awareness that one is trans. I tell myself this is all just bias on my part, but it’s where my head takes me.
posted by Going To Maine at 1:56 PM on January 31, 2021 [6 favorites]
Having been a fan of Philosophy Tube for a long time, what I can say is this announcement is unexpected, but hardly surprising and certainly not shocking. I’m sincerely happy that she’s found her true identity, and will continue to offer my support in whatever comes next. I am also confident that now being able to drop her prior act will only further improve an excellent YT channel.
posted by mystyk at 2:04 PM on January 31, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by mystyk at 2:04 PM on January 31, 2021 [2 favorites]
I kind of wonder whether COVID has felt like an opportunity for some people to transition while in relative isolation?
...
I think for people who live in safe situations with other folks, or have the good fortune to afford to live alone, that yes, the social distancing would be a relief on that front. But also gender has a HUGE social component and that part being delayed while other things progress I could see becoming a post covid burden for trans folks.
You're both right!
I've been transitioning for almost the entire pandemic (which wasn't intentional: I actually started the process in January 2020 with no idea what was coming). Like BrotherCaine said, the forced isolation has, in some ways, been an incredible gift: I've had so much time to figure out what to do with my hair, my face, my clothes, my voice, without having to get on a train every day and show my best efforts to a thousand strangers. More importantly, I can stay in the closet pretty much as long as I want to, with who I want to, coming out when I feel comfortable enough and not when my body forces me to.
On the other hand, I'm getting the unsettling feeling that I'm.. skipping the tutorial? Like, not a single person has been unpleasant or unwelcoming to me in the relatively few social interactions I've had in girl-mode, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to completely fall apart the first time that happens. I have no defenses, not much of a radar for who's safe, and completely deteriorated social skills. As much as I'm ready for COVID to be over, I'm increasingly nervous about what reentering society will be like.
At the very least, I might have some company. I know a lot of people who have either come out to themselves or started hormones during the pandemic, and even more who've been using the time to experiment with their presentation. "Covid made everyone trans" is a 2021 meme waiting to happen.
posted by theodolite at 2:38 PM on January 31, 2021 [63 favorites]
...
I think for people who live in safe situations with other folks, or have the good fortune to afford to live alone, that yes, the social distancing would be a relief on that front. But also gender has a HUGE social component and that part being delayed while other things progress I could see becoming a post covid burden for trans folks.
You're both right!
I've been transitioning for almost the entire pandemic (which wasn't intentional: I actually started the process in January 2020 with no idea what was coming). Like BrotherCaine said, the forced isolation has, in some ways, been an incredible gift: I've had so much time to figure out what to do with my hair, my face, my clothes, my voice, without having to get on a train every day and show my best efforts to a thousand strangers. More importantly, I can stay in the closet pretty much as long as I want to, with who I want to, coming out when I feel comfortable enough and not when my body forces me to.
On the other hand, I'm getting the unsettling feeling that I'm.. skipping the tutorial? Like, not a single person has been unpleasant or unwelcoming to me in the relatively few social interactions I've had in girl-mode, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to completely fall apart the first time that happens. I have no defenses, not much of a radar for who's safe, and completely deteriorated social skills. As much as I'm ready for COVID to be over, I'm increasingly nervous about what reentering society will be like.
At the very least, I might have some company. I know a lot of people who have either come out to themselves or started hormones during the pandemic, and even more who've been using the time to experiment with their presentation. "Covid made everyone trans" is a 2021 meme waiting to happen.
posted by theodolite at 2:38 PM on January 31, 2021 [63 favorites]
As much as I'm ready for COVID to be over, I'm increasingly nervous about what reentering society will be like.
Solidarity high five! I started my medical transition in September 2020 and I have no idea how to deal with Being Visibly Trans in public compared to being Somewhat Blurrily Trans on a Zoom call. Especially entering the current social climate of the UK, which isn't a fun place to be for trans folks (as we all know).
On the other hand, wearing a mask all the time outside is doing a great job of hiding the inevitable skin breakouts from HRT!
posted by fight or flight at 3:42 PM on January 31, 2021 [11 favorites]
Solidarity high five! I started my medical transition in September 2020 and I have no idea how to deal with Being Visibly Trans in public compared to being Somewhat Blurrily Trans on a Zoom call. Especially entering the current social climate of the UK, which isn't a fun place to be for trans folks (as we all know).
On the other hand, wearing a mask all the time outside is doing a great job of hiding the inevitable skin breakouts from HRT!
posted by fight or flight at 3:42 PM on January 31, 2021 [11 favorites]
I am a happy supporter of trans folks/rights/recognition. I am a loving and supportive parent of a trans child, now a young adult. I absolutely respect the rights of people to choose their own names, and understand that the sensitivity about former names arises because it’s easy for them to be weaponized.
I am only glancingly acquainted with popular culture, though not completely out of the loop.
All this to say: When news arises as a public figure shares their new names, it is remarkably difficult for me to understand what they’ve done and why they are publicly relevant because of the unwillingness to link the former name to the new name. It took me about a week to figure out who Elliot Page is. With Abigail Thorn at least there’s a product name to go on.
Culturally, we are a long way off from a time when being transgender is so normalized and accepted that prior names are just another biographical fact, like the place a person grew up or their early discography. It’ll be great when we get there.
posted by Sublimity at 3:56 PM on January 31, 2021 [5 favorites]
I am only glancingly acquainted with popular culture, though not completely out of the loop.
All this to say: When news arises as a public figure shares their new names, it is remarkably difficult for me to understand what they’ve done and why they are publicly relevant because of the unwillingness to link the former name to the new name. It took me about a week to figure out who Elliot Page is. With Abigail Thorn at least there’s a product name to go on.
Culturally, we are a long way off from a time when being transgender is so normalized and accepted that prior names are just another biographical fact, like the place a person grew up or their early discography. It’ll be great when we get there.
posted by Sublimity at 3:56 PM on January 31, 2021 [5 favorites]
it is remarkably difficult for me to understand what they’ve done and why they are publicly relevant because of the unwillingness to link the former name to the new name
Wikipedia has been remarkably on the ball (these days at least) about switching entries over to new names and pronouns. I haven't seen any PhilosophyTube and didn't know about Abigail before this coming out, but a two minute Google search enlightened me.
posted by fight or flight at 4:09 PM on January 31, 2021
Wikipedia has been remarkably on the ball (these days at least) about switching entries over to new names and pronouns. I haven't seen any PhilosophyTube and didn't know about Abigail before this coming out, but a two minute Google search enlightened me.
posted by fight or flight at 4:09 PM on January 31, 2021
I have no defenses, not much of a radar for who's safe, and completely deteriorated social skills.
I started transitioning in 2012, and yes, this part is likely to be a lot to handle once we’re past covid isolation.
For myself, fortunately I’m way past having to deal with my gender on a moment by moment basis. My heart goes out to folks who are transitioning in this time. I anticipate there will be a whipsaw effect where certain aspects of transition have absolutely surpassed other aspects and I imagine reconciling that gap between how you see yourself and the hugely difficult to sort out questions of how you are perceived by others will not be an easy row to hoe for a lot of trans folks. I mean, in my case that process was a multi-year mental breakdown that I largely had to suffer alone, but I think on the positive side that for as shitty TERF’s can be, people in general are a lot more informed than they where even 5 years ago.
So yeah, it will be interesting to see how it goes.
Hugs to my trans peers. This shit ain’t easy that’s for certain.
(also if you’re trans on mefi you probably already know me, this is a new username, I’ve been pretty vocal about trans stuff on metafilter since 2013)
posted by noiseanoise at 4:14 PM on January 31, 2021 [14 favorites]
I started transitioning in 2012, and yes, this part is likely to be a lot to handle once we’re past covid isolation.
For myself, fortunately I’m way past having to deal with my gender on a moment by moment basis. My heart goes out to folks who are transitioning in this time. I anticipate there will be a whipsaw effect where certain aspects of transition have absolutely surpassed other aspects and I imagine reconciling that gap between how you see yourself and the hugely difficult to sort out questions of how you are perceived by others will not be an easy row to hoe for a lot of trans folks. I mean, in my case that process was a multi-year mental breakdown that I largely had to suffer alone, but I think on the positive side that for as shitty TERF’s can be, people in general are a lot more informed than they where even 5 years ago.
So yeah, it will be interesting to see how it goes.
Hugs to my trans peers. This shit ain’t easy that’s for certain.
(also if you’re trans on mefi you probably already know me, this is a new username, I’ve been pretty vocal about trans stuff on metafilter since 2013)
posted by noiseanoise at 4:14 PM on January 31, 2021 [14 favorites]
theodolite: Similar boat here. My egg had cracked pre-pandemic, but I needed to sort out a new job and health insurance stuff before I could formally transition. I'd intended to (and succeeded in) starting hormones back in April of 2020, and was fully planning to be in stealth mode for a while at work. That lasted, er, a month. Working from home, and being femme below the shoulders wasn't enough, and once the physical changes started I ripped the band-aid off and came out.
It's been good so far, but yeah, I'm not in the world. I'm in NYC which is a reasonably safe place to be trans, but I don't know how I'm gonna handle being social in the world once we can. Fingers crossed I can just slip back into things as myself, but I don't... know.
posted by SansPoint at 4:42 PM on January 31, 2021 [8 favorites]
It's been good so far, but yeah, I'm not in the world. I'm in NYC which is a reasonably safe place to be trans, but I don't know how I'm gonna handle being social in the world once we can. Fingers crossed I can just slip back into things as myself, but I don't... know.
posted by SansPoint at 4:42 PM on January 31, 2021 [8 favorites]
hahaha all my trans friends, myself included, were making jokes around the start of the pandemic about how this whole mess would be *great* for people starting to present as femme, because all the masks would mean you get a while without having to worry about the hell that is five o'clock shadow. I am glad to see some of y'all have indeed been able to take advantage of this. Work on your voice and figuring out how to save up to get rid of that facial hair ASAP, because lasering mine off was pretty much *the* best value for my transition dollar IMHO.
posted by egypturnash at 5:49 PM on January 31, 2021 [9 favorites]
posted by egypturnash at 5:49 PM on January 31, 2021 [9 favorites]
Culturally, we are a long way off from a time when being transgender is so normalized and accepted that prior names are just another biographical fact, like the place a person grew up or their early discography. It’ll be great when we get there.
I think this is a bad take. My interpretation of Abigail's video is that she considers her transition to represent the end of a previous life in a fairly literal sense.
We may one day reach a point where it isn't disrespectful to a trans person to refer to dead names, but we will always have responsibilities to the dead.
posted by zymil at 7:08 PM on January 31, 2021 [4 favorites]
I think this is a bad take. My interpretation of Abigail's video is that she considers her transition to represent the end of a previous life in a fairly literal sense.
We may one day reach a point where it isn't disrespectful to a trans person to refer to dead names, but we will always have responsibilities to the dead.
posted by zymil at 7:08 PM on January 31, 2021 [4 favorites]
Mod note: This is not a wikipedia thread. If you don't want to start a derail in a thread that should be about trans issues, just don't do that.
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 7:21 PM on January 31, 2021
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 7:21 PM on January 31, 2021
This is really hitting me in the feels. A friend of mine came out to me as transgender back in very early March(?) in the last inside, in-person, "normal-ish" meal we had with friends before COVID really shut things down, but we were already cagy about close contact. So I've seen her while the weather was decent & talked to her regularly but I haven't been able to share a hug with her and that's a raw deal because she deserves all the hugs.
I've also never heard of Philosophy Tube before, I watched some of the back catalog after the linked videos, and I've sure found a new channel to follow. I keep thinking "wow I would have thought that too if I was half as smart as you"...
posted by the antecedent of that pronoun at 7:22 PM on January 31, 2021 [1 favorite]
I've also never heard of Philosophy Tube before, I watched some of the back catalog after the linked videos, and I've sure found a new channel to follow. I keep thinking "wow I would have thought that too if I was half as smart as you"...
posted by the antecedent of that pronoun at 7:22 PM on January 31, 2021 [1 favorite]
theodolite: Count me in to the "transition during the pandemic" bandwagon. I my filled my hormone prescription in early March, so I've gone through the whole process of presenting publicly, coming out to friends, family, work, etc. during the pandemic, and I'm feeling very much the same way. I've been describing it as "transitioning with training wheels," and I have a real mixture of anticipation and dread when I think about seeing people again with my mask off.
posted by Shellybeans at 9:29 AM on February 1, 2021 [6 favorites]
posted by Shellybeans at 9:29 AM on February 1, 2021 [6 favorites]
this seems to be a good thread as any: if any of you non-cis folk wish to join a trans-centered mefi slack, please let me know.
posted by i used to be someone else at 9:41 AM on February 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
posted by i used to be someone else at 9:41 AM on February 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
After deciding not to forward this thread to my youngest, because I was sure they'd already have seen it, they sent me the link to main video and this lovely tidbit from Abigail's tumblr:
posted by bcd at 10:17 AM on February 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
coming out as trans on other platforms: carefully worded statement, thoughtful reflection on my responsibilities as a public figureDon't miss the attached illustration.
coming out as trans on tumblr: SKIDDLE SKIDADDIDALE MY NAME IS ABIGAIL
posted by bcd at 10:17 AM on February 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
Shellybeans: Pandemic Transition Buddies!!!
posted by SansPoint at 10:28 AM on February 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by SansPoint at 10:28 AM on February 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
death valley compound, thank you for posting this! I had never seen a Philosophy Tube video before and it was great to watch both. Congrats to Thorn! And now I know more about Audre Lorde!
posted by brainwane at 12:33 PM on February 2, 2021
posted by brainwane at 12:33 PM on February 2, 2021
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posted by SPrintF at 11:09 AM on January 31, 2021 [7 favorites]