The Octobering: Ashes to ashes; slush to slush
October 1, 2021 4:08 AM Subscribe
"Mortality management solutions" It doesn’t get easier than this. Load the system, and the process is 100% complete in less than a day. "First, be smart from the very beginning" is complicated, compared to this.
If you aren’t willing to follow the arduous “be smart from the very beginning” advice, the BioLiquidator is a better method of mortality management. “the BioLiqudator offers immediate results so you can get on with your work; Problem solved in one day”. Check out the video featuring the adorable donkey. For additional information, refer to the FAQ for such gems as: “can the mobile unit be in use while it is being pulled?”
The scientific name for this process is Alkaline Hydrolysis. (PDF). It is a chemical process that uses a solution of 95% water and 5% potassium hydroxide or sodium hydroxide to reduce a body to components of liquid and bone as described in a "good funeral" guide from the UK.
Rebranded “Aquamation”, the process is described as the future for dealing with disease outbreaks and can be used in civil service, while being an integral part of a disease prevention and response plan …“
But wait; such “Aquamation Systems” are offering an option for the funeral profession, too. However, most opponents object to the process on the belief that it is not a dignified way to treat human remains. For example, the Catholic Conference of Ohio has contributed to the defeat of alkaline hydrolysis legislation in that State, arguing that "Dissolving bodies in a vat of chemicals and pouring the resultant liquid down the drain is not a respectful way to dispose of human remains." Is it legal in your US State?
"Probelm solved"
If you aren’t willing to follow the arduous “be smart from the very beginning” advice, the BioLiquidator is a better method of mortality management. “the BioLiqudator offers immediate results so you can get on with your work; Problem solved in one day”. Check out the video featuring the adorable donkey. For additional information, refer to the FAQ for such gems as: “can the mobile unit be in use while it is being pulled?”
The scientific name for this process is Alkaline Hydrolysis. (PDF). It is a chemical process that uses a solution of 95% water and 5% potassium hydroxide or sodium hydroxide to reduce a body to components of liquid and bone as described in a "good funeral" guide from the UK.
Rebranded “Aquamation”, the process is described as the future for dealing with disease outbreaks and can be used in civil service, while being an integral part of a disease prevention and response plan …“
But wait; such “Aquamation Systems” are offering an option for the funeral profession, too. However, most opponents object to the process on the belief that it is not a dignified way to treat human remains. For example, the Catholic Conference of Ohio has contributed to the defeat of alkaline hydrolysis legislation in that State, arguing that "Dissolving bodies in a vat of chemicals and pouring the resultant liquid down the drain is not a respectful way to dispose of human remains." Is it legal in your US State?
"Probelm solved"
This is basically an Instant Pot for corpses. I'm on board.
posted by phooky at 5:07 AM on October 1, 2021 [11 favorites]
posted by phooky at 5:07 AM on October 1, 2021 [11 favorites]
I have long said that what I want to happen after I die
I still maintain that if I ever die, I want my body converted to antimatter, smashed into antineutronium, accelerated until my mass is at least that of Luna, and thwomped back into Earth. It's not like any of you would have a reason to keep going.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 6:02 AM on October 1, 2021 [29 favorites]
I still maintain that if I ever die, I want my body converted to antimatter, smashed into antineutronium, accelerated until my mass is at least that of Luna, and thwomped back into Earth. It's not like any of you would have a reason to keep going.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 6:02 AM on October 1, 2021 [29 favorites]
I still maintain that if I ever die
Certainly epony-something.
posted by Literaryhero at 6:13 AM on October 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
Certainly epony-something.
posted by Literaryhero at 6:13 AM on October 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
Someone at the Chia Pet company is, at this very moment, furiously running down a hall towards the product management team.
posted by jquinby at 6:36 AM on October 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by jquinby at 6:36 AM on October 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
I am going to be completely honest and state for the record that I was 100% convinced that "BioLiquidator" website was an advanced ARG/promo hit for a remake of Soylent Green.
This is completely fascinating and horrifying and bizarre and somehow I think this is going to be everywhere in about fifty years.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 7:20 AM on October 1, 2021
This is completely fascinating and horrifying and bizarre and somehow I think this is going to be everywhere in about fifty years.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 7:20 AM on October 1, 2021
This is great. Now how do you get rid of the bones? Asking for a (very good) friend.
posted by seanmpuckett at 7:28 AM on October 1, 2021
posted by seanmpuckett at 7:28 AM on October 1, 2021
We should bring back ossuaries, seriously.
posted by seanmpuckett at 7:29 AM on October 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by seanmpuckett at 7:29 AM on October 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
Call me old fashioned, but after my body is converted to antimatter I just want to be accelerated towards my enemies.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 7:31 AM on October 1, 2021 [8 favorites]
posted by RonButNotStupid at 7:31 AM on October 1, 2021 [8 favorites]
I was actually looking into this about ten years ago. Seems much nicer than being sent off in a cloud of CO2 and smog. Not yet widely available, it seems. The bonus is that if your family want to wire together your skeleton and wheel it out on Hallowe'en, that's an option.
posted by pipeski at 7:50 AM on October 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
posted by pipeski at 7:50 AM on October 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
Flabdablet that's basically a green funeral. And it does seem awesome. I don't want to be preserved in a wooden box in a cement shell under a pesticide-soaked lawn. I also don't want to be burned and add more toxic gas to the air.
If my useless remains can be recycled in an effective nontoxic way, I'm all for it.
posted by emjaybee at 7:54 AM on October 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
If my useless remains can be recycled in an effective nontoxic way, I'm all for it.
posted by emjaybee at 7:54 AM on October 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
Natural organic reduction (ie, human composting) is a thing. In my state, California, there's a bill before the legislature legalizing the practice.
I'm not entirely sold on the idea, since it's more expensive than cremation (and thus outside the budgets of many folk) and requires some amount of land as a "burial ground."
posted by SPrintF at 7:55 AM on October 1, 2021
I'm not entirely sold on the idea, since it's more expensive than cremation (and thus outside the budgets of many folk) and requires some amount of land as a "burial ground."
posted by SPrintF at 7:55 AM on October 1, 2021
So the site promises "prion inactivation." I want to hear more about that.
posted by emjaybee at 7:56 AM on October 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by emjaybee at 7:56 AM on October 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
Neat! I'm still hoping to be eaten by friends when I die, but this is a fine plan B.
(I'm also very tempted to try it out. People bring dead animals to the lab all the time in their lunch. I don't know of any rule against putting bits of them in a heated chemical bath. I'm curious to see how ultrasonic agitation changes the timescale.)
posted by eotvos at 8:14 AM on October 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
(I'm also very tempted to try it out. People bring dead animals to the lab all the time in their lunch. I don't know of any rule against putting bits of them in a heated chemical bath. I'm curious to see how ultrasonic agitation changes the timescale.)
posted by eotvos at 8:14 AM on October 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
Being involved in the mortuary arts (a.k.a. thanatology which is a term I just love) was never part of my life's plan, but since dating then marrying a mortician, I've learned way more than I ever expected about the practice and now somehow we're just a few days away from buying our own funeral home.
There's definitely a demand for something new, something better that meets people's values these days but the trick is getting it right. Alkaline hydrolysis is a leading contender, in fact as the "chemistry guy" I'll be the one researching more details on this one at the upcoming National Funeral Directors convention in a couple weeks. But my partner has some reservations -- like just how much stress it might put on the plumbing system, what happens if a mechanism fails halfway through and needs to be restarted, and yeah how do you process the bones to be able to give a family a nice urn of remains or whatever? It's also not legal in our state so this is more about being prepared for the future, but we live in a trendy town and expect that people here will be going for it if it starts to get popular.
Other future alternatives are looking like bio-composting, which the ones we're looking at don't use burial land so much as above-ground processing pods but that, too, takes up space while you wait quite a while for the process to complete. Or in-situ composting like flabdablet's fruit tree idea, which is appealing to me but I think the biggest challenge for that one is finding a landowner who's willing in a jurisdiction where it's allowed. Cemeteries and cities are often the sticking point there. Unfortunately the term "green burial" is broadly used and could apply to bio-composting, in-situ composting, or a more traditional burial but using sustainable products like the bamboo casket we've had on display for a while but never sold.
Which gets to another problem: most of our customers are old. They have more traditional views of how this is all supposed to go and when we prepare to serve people I feel very strongly that our role is to assist people's death practices and mourning needs, not judge them. Fewer, but still many, people want traditional embalmings and open-casket viewings. Many people want whatever's cheapest and will have a little DIY party instead. And an important number of people follow religious practices with their own particular needs that often rule out things like this.
P.S. "prion inactivation" yeah that's a good one! Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease (maybe more familiar as its relative Mad Cow Disease) is spread by prions--infectious proteins that are amazingly resilient. There's some debate among morticians whether cremation is enough to inactivate those proteins, an extra concern because the cremains are dusty and sometimes people scatter them, potentially spreading infection. Embalming is less of a worry because it's more about denaturing proteins to secure tissues in place, so even if there are infectious prions still present they're sealed and far less spreadable. It may end up being that anyone who dies with CJD just can't be processed with alkalinization.
posted by traveler_ at 8:19 AM on October 1, 2021 [9 favorites]
There's definitely a demand for something new, something better that meets people's values these days but the trick is getting it right. Alkaline hydrolysis is a leading contender, in fact as the "chemistry guy" I'll be the one researching more details on this one at the upcoming National Funeral Directors convention in a couple weeks. But my partner has some reservations -- like just how much stress it might put on the plumbing system, what happens if a mechanism fails halfway through and needs to be restarted, and yeah how do you process the bones to be able to give a family a nice urn of remains or whatever? It's also not legal in our state so this is more about being prepared for the future, but we live in a trendy town and expect that people here will be going for it if it starts to get popular.
Other future alternatives are looking like bio-composting, which the ones we're looking at don't use burial land so much as above-ground processing pods but that, too, takes up space while you wait quite a while for the process to complete. Or in-situ composting like flabdablet's fruit tree idea, which is appealing to me but I think the biggest challenge for that one is finding a landowner who's willing in a jurisdiction where it's allowed. Cemeteries and cities are often the sticking point there. Unfortunately the term "green burial" is broadly used and could apply to bio-composting, in-situ composting, or a more traditional burial but using sustainable products like the bamboo casket we've had on display for a while but never sold.
Which gets to another problem: most of our customers are old. They have more traditional views of how this is all supposed to go and when we prepare to serve people I feel very strongly that our role is to assist people's death practices and mourning needs, not judge them. Fewer, but still many, people want traditional embalmings and open-casket viewings. Many people want whatever's cheapest and will have a little DIY party instead. And an important number of people follow religious practices with their own particular needs that often rule out things like this.
P.S. "prion inactivation" yeah that's a good one! Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease (maybe more familiar as its relative Mad Cow Disease) is spread by prions--infectious proteins that are amazingly resilient. There's some debate among morticians whether cremation is enough to inactivate those proteins, an extra concern because the cremains are dusty and sometimes people scatter them, potentially spreading infection. Embalming is less of a worry because it's more about denaturing proteins to secure tissues in place, so even if there are infectious prions still present they're sealed and far less spreadable. It may end up being that anyone who dies with CJD just can't be processed with alkalinization.
posted by traveler_ at 8:19 AM on October 1, 2021 [9 favorites]
Recently, I had to put my elderly dog to sleep. I tried working through the grief by ordering a Living Urn (made of a kind of cardboard) to put underneath a tree sapling so that her ashes would biodegrade beneath the roots. In the event, though, I couldn't go through with it. It was too emotionally difficult to open the container of her ashes. In fact, I wished I hadn't even had her cremated, but there were logistical problems with digging a grave.
This isn't about a human death, of course. I just mean to point out that funeral care has to be carried out by the living, and at the most painful possible time. If they are upset by a proposed disposition, even the deceased's choice, they simply won't use it. Cremation has an ancient pedigree, which eased its acceptance in the West -- along with the low cost, of course -- but even now it upsets some. I know of at least one person who had wanted cremation, but after his sudden death, his family just couldn't handle that. The key to having aquamation accepted is to make it seem beautiful and, somehow, old-fashioned.
posted by Countess Elena at 8:21 AM on October 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
This isn't about a human death, of course. I just mean to point out that funeral care has to be carried out by the living, and at the most painful possible time. If they are upset by a proposed disposition, even the deceased's choice, they simply won't use it. Cremation has an ancient pedigree, which eased its acceptance in the West -- along with the low cost, of course -- but even now it upsets some. I know of at least one person who had wanted cremation, but after his sudden death, his family just couldn't handle that. The key to having aquamation accepted is to make it seem beautiful and, somehow, old-fashioned.
posted by Countess Elena at 8:21 AM on October 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
Metafilter: basically an Instant Pot for corpses
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 8:58 AM on October 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 8:58 AM on October 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
Some people hope to manage their mortality through alkaline hydrolysis. I hope to do it by not dying.
posted by adamrice at 9:26 AM on October 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by adamrice at 9:26 AM on October 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
that's basically a green funeral
The bit of my plan that I'm the most fond of is the post hole part.
I can't think of a single good reason why my corpse needs to be oriented horizontally in the earth. Dropping it into a deep, narrow post hole would, it seems to me, be much more tree-friendly and require moving considerably less earth.
And if all that's getting dropped into the hole is disarticulated bones and liquid nutrient slurry, it doesn't even need to be particularly deep. Just enough to make a nicely friable column of disturbed soil for a sapling's growing taproot would be perfect.
Obviously I'd prefer to be dissolved by a potassium lye because salting the earth doesn't sound like the Right Thing, not even a bit.
posted by flabdablet at 9:38 AM on October 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
The bit of my plan that I'm the most fond of is the post hole part.
I can't think of a single good reason why my corpse needs to be oriented horizontally in the earth. Dropping it into a deep, narrow post hole would, it seems to me, be much more tree-friendly and require moving considerably less earth.
And if all that's getting dropped into the hole is disarticulated bones and liquid nutrient slurry, it doesn't even need to be particularly deep. Just enough to make a nicely friable column of disturbed soil for a sapling's growing taproot would be perfect.
Obviously I'd prefer to be dissolved by a potassium lye because salting the earth doesn't sound like the Right Thing, not even a bit.
posted by flabdablet at 9:38 AM on October 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
Flabdablet I'm so with you. The thought of completely returning to the earth is so appealing but I also know logically there's probably no way it will actually happen.
posted by bleep at 9:41 AM on October 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by bleep at 9:41 AM on October 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
Neat! I'm still hoping to be eaten by friends when I die, but this is a fine plan B.
I'll reiterate my commitment to "not judging death practices" but you should know that cannibalism is one of the most common ways of passing on prion diseases. In fact a human culture in Papua New Guinea where ritual cannibalism was a key part of their death ritual was the key to understanding the nature of kuru, aka KJD. If nothing else have your friends eat the meat and skip the brain.
posted by traveler_ at 9:53 AM on October 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
I'll reiterate my commitment to "not judging death practices" but you should know that cannibalism is one of the most common ways of passing on prion diseases. In fact a human culture in Papua New Guinea where ritual cannibalism was a key part of their death ritual was the key to understanding the nature of kuru, aka KJD. If nothing else have your friends eat the meat and skip the brain.
posted by traveler_ at 9:53 AM on October 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
I still maintain that if I ever die, I want my body converted to antimatter, smashed into antineutronium, accelerated until my mass is at least that of Luna, and thwomped back into Earth. It's not like any of you would have a reason to keep going.
ROU Xenophobe letting the mask slip.
posted by whuppy at 9:57 AM on October 1, 2021 [6 favorites]
ROU Xenophobe letting the mask slip.
posted by whuppy at 9:57 AM on October 1, 2021 [6 favorites]
After I die I want to be eaten by pigs, because it only seems fair.
posted by Faint of Butt at 10:53 AM on October 1, 2021 [9 favorites]
posted by Faint of Butt at 10:53 AM on October 1, 2021 [9 favorites]
What could possibly go wrong with making a human body drastically cheaper and easier to dispose of? Surely there won't be any bad consequences for society if we create systems for disposing of lots of human bodies in bulk.
posted by straight at 11:01 AM on October 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by straight at 11:01 AM on October 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
Obviously I'd prefer to be dissolved by a potassium lye because salting the earth doesn't sound like the Right Thing, not even a bit.
That gives new meaning to the expression "falling into a K-hole."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 11:38 AM on October 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
That gives new meaning to the expression "falling into a K-hole."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 11:38 AM on October 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
What could possibly go wrong with making a human body drastically cheaper and easier to dispose of? Surely there won't be any bad consequences for society if we create systems for disposing of lots of human bodies in bulk.
This is an odd slippery slope argument to make and casts a strange light on the very necessary death industry and the people who work in it.
The pandemic and pressure on loved ones having to manage the cost of funerals are two good reasons that cheaper and easier body disposal is a good thing.
posted by slimepuppy at 12:16 PM on October 1, 2021 [6 favorites]
This is an odd slippery slope argument to make and casts a strange light on the very necessary death industry and the people who work in it.
The pandemic and pressure on loved ones having to manage the cost of funerals are two good reasons that cheaper and easier body disposal is a good thing.
posted by slimepuppy at 12:16 PM on October 1, 2021 [6 favorites]
New technologies usually offer something good. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try to think about the ways they might be used, what effects they might have on society.
posted by straight at 1:00 PM on October 1, 2021
posted by straight at 1:00 PM on October 1, 2021
It's not like mass murdering despots are holding themselves back due to the difficulty of body disposal. If that's what we're worried about.
Anyway, given the answer upthread that "prion inactivation" claimed on the website is far from proven, I'm a little skeptical about their claims.
posted by emjaybee at 2:19 PM on October 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
Anyway, given the answer upthread that "prion inactivation" claimed on the website is far from proven, I'm a little skeptical about their claims.
posted by emjaybee at 2:19 PM on October 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
After I die I want to be eaten by pigs, because it only seems fair.
Prions, though.
How about an apricot tree, then feed the apricots to the pigs?
Better for the vegetarians, better for the tree, better for the pigs, better for the suevores.
posted by sebastienbailard at 2:28 PM on October 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
Prions, though.
How about an apricot tree, then feed the apricots to the pigs?
Better for the vegetarians, better for the tree, better for the pigs, better for the suevores.
posted by sebastienbailard at 2:28 PM on October 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
C.A. Pinkhamposted by sebastienbailard at 2:32 PM on October 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
@EyePatchGuy
If I ever die from COVID, please know that my dying wish is that my corpse be catapulted at high speed directly into Mitch McConnell’s bedroom window at 3 am
8:23 AM · Jul 20, 2020·
I don’t just want my death to be politicized, i want it to be weaponized
Someone was like “do you mean into or through” as a grammar gotcha and I was honestly thinking into but really you can choose your own adventure here
Like the image I was going for was wedged in their like some sort of ghoulish, Tim Burton-esque Winnie the Pooh
I've been keen on the bushland burial offered by a nearby shire council where my final resting place can be shat upon by koalas but then I heard about the The Mushroom Death Suit aka Infinity Burial Suit. If they used the spore of blue meanies and gold tops, waited for them to grow and be harvested for the memorial service, then served as 'Thella 'shroom tea', that would be one helluva parteh.
posted by Thella at 4:22 PM on October 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by Thella at 4:22 PM on October 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
We are a cremation family--at least, my mom and my sister were cremated and scattered--but my husband is concerned about the environmental impact and is more interested in a green burial. We have several cemeteries in New Jersey that do those. But I have a thing about taking up land with my decaying corpse--I don't like it. It's a waste. And I also have a fascination with forensics, so I keep toying with the idea of donating my body to the Body Farm where people can learn from me as I decompose. The idea of it is intriguing, but I do still feel a little icky about the idea of lying around naked and exposed while I decay and people examine me. But it's just flesh and bone after all. I may actually fill out that form.
posted by ceejaytee at 11:04 AM on October 3, 2021
posted by ceejaytee at 11:04 AM on October 3, 2021
I have a thing about taking up land with my decaying corpse--I don't like it. It's a waste.
Planting a tree is never a waste of space. And if what's left of me happens to be in the path of that tree's taproot, it's win-win.
posted by flabdablet at 12:11 AM on October 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
Planting a tree is never a waste of space. And if what's left of me happens to be in the path of that tree's taproot, it's win-win.
posted by flabdablet at 12:11 AM on October 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
It's not like mass murdering despots are holding themselves back due to the difficulty of body disposal. If that's what we're worried about.
I think getting rid of bodies without embarrassment has often been friction that reduces the ability of governments and other organizations to kill with impunity. It's expensive to have to fly a helicopter out over the ocean every time you want to kill someone.
Bodies stacking up in freezers has been an embarrassment for COVID deniers in Idaho. The discovery of mass graves in Canada has caused people to pay more attention to the history of how indigenous First Nations children were treated at residential schools.
posted by straight at 10:07 AM on October 5, 2021 [1 favorite]
I think getting rid of bodies without embarrassment has often been friction that reduces the ability of governments and other organizations to kill with impunity. It's expensive to have to fly a helicopter out over the ocean every time you want to kill someone.
Bodies stacking up in freezers has been an embarrassment for COVID deniers in Idaho. The discovery of mass graves in Canada has caused people to pay more attention to the history of how indigenous First Nations children were treated at residential schools.
posted by straight at 10:07 AM on October 5, 2021 [1 favorite]
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This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
Never mind the humanity of the remains, pouring that much nutrient down the drain is disrespectful to waterways.
I have long said that what I want to happen after I die is for my corpse to be dropped into a posthole in a hessian bag, and then a fruit tree planted over the top; the idea of being reincarnated as apricots amuses me. But if public health considerations make a process as simple as that unacceptable, having all the soft bits dissolved in lye beforehand would be a preparatory step I could completely get behind. In fact, given the reduction in diameter and depth it would presumably allow for the posthole auger, it could even save energy.
posted by flabdablet at 4:52 AM on October 1, 2021 [9 favorites]