Blue moms are mobilizing
February 9, 2022 8:45 AM Subscribe
Suburban moms are mobilizing, to counter conservatives in fights over masks, book bans and diversity education in today's WaPo (archive link) -- all about Red, Wine and Blue, "Channeling the Power of Suburban Women".
More about the organization, and their Book Ban Busters campaign, at BookRiot, a site for bookworms.
More about the organization, and their Book Ban Busters campaign, at BookRiot, a site for bookworms.
I'm cautiously optimistic about this--some of the other moms-focused groups, like Indivisible and Moms Demand Action, seem to be fairly effective.
A lot of politics, especially local politics, is just showing up, and, in my experience, that's something that suburban moms are very, very good at.
posted by box at 9:23 AM on February 9, 2022 [25 favorites]
A lot of politics, especially local politics, is just showing up, and, in my experience, that's something that suburban moms are very, very good at.
posted by box at 9:23 AM on February 9, 2022 [25 favorites]
Kschang, sounds like you have a lot of advice.
posted by InkaLomax at 10:13 AM on February 9, 2022 [20 favorites]
posted by InkaLomax at 10:13 AM on February 9, 2022 [20 favorites]
@inkaLomax -- I've seen what grifters and fraudsters do to honest people that the honest people will no longer listen to logic and common sense, and I've seen too many parallels with the current "conservative" political machine.
posted by kschang at 10:44 AM on February 9, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by kschang at 10:44 AM on February 9, 2022 [4 favorites]
Good!!!
posted by subdee at 10:44 AM on February 9, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by subdee at 10:44 AM on February 9, 2022 [1 favorite]
One of the things I love about organizations like this, getting more folks involved in organized action in their communities, is that we collectively do much better work when everyone focuses on something small and achievable (like "by gum, my high schoolers are going to get decent sex ed" or "how dare you try to keep MY kid from reading Maus") and organizes to achieve it. A lot of these things are surprisingly low effort for the impact you can get out of them, and in the aggregate they can achieve some incredible things!
Because left-oriented communities tend to be very focused on perfection and ultimate goals, it can be really discouraging to partake in activism because, well.... the need is endless, and there's always a better future stretching out ahead of us to call us to keep moving harder. There's a lot of things that need to be better, and often people get caught up in a personal perfection trap where not making mistakes is prioritized over successfully achieving action.
Red Wine and Blue's cleverness is about directing things deliberately to low-effort engagement, because you can achieve success at these things, and then you can point to a thing that happened because you wrote a letter, or you organized a campaign. It's really motivating to direct all this formless anxiety and fear that no one else will stand in the way of the conservative backlash into community and tangible organizing! When we reward people for doing little things that aren't so scary, activism feels doable and becomes self-rewarding, because you can actually succeed at it. Sure, sometimes people get annoyingly self congratulatory about it, but on the whole they actually do a lot more.
I fucking love this approach. These ladies are onto something, and I think it's great.
posted by sciatrix at 10:45 AM on February 9, 2022 [71 favorites]
Because left-oriented communities tend to be very focused on perfection and ultimate goals, it can be really discouraging to partake in activism because, well.... the need is endless, and there's always a better future stretching out ahead of us to call us to keep moving harder. There's a lot of things that need to be better, and often people get caught up in a personal perfection trap where not making mistakes is prioritized over successfully achieving action.
Red Wine and Blue's cleverness is about directing things deliberately to low-effort engagement, because you can achieve success at these things, and then you can point to a thing that happened because you wrote a letter, or you organized a campaign. It's really motivating to direct all this formless anxiety and fear that no one else will stand in the way of the conservative backlash into community and tangible organizing! When we reward people for doing little things that aren't so scary, activism feels doable and becomes self-rewarding, because you can actually succeed at it. Sure, sometimes people get annoyingly self congratulatory about it, but on the whole they actually do a lot more.
I fucking love this approach. These ladies are onto something, and I think it's great.
posted by sciatrix at 10:45 AM on February 9, 2022 [71 favorites]
re: "took them long enough", every time I've taken part in any political or local organization effort in the past six years it's been full of moms and middle aged women. that kind of response to someone doing tangible work to improve their communities is an example of the kind of aversive responsiveness that makes activism less rewarding to a lot of folks; by contrast, deliberately fostering an attitude of welcoming, support, and cheering one another on as much as possible makes it a lot easier to recruit.
tl;dr: don't make enemies with people for no reason, man. it's terrible strategy, and it upsets everyone around you for no gain.
posted by sciatrix at 10:47 AM on February 9, 2022 [101 favorites]
tl;dr: don't make enemies with people for no reason, man. it's terrible strategy, and it upsets everyone around you for no gain.
posted by sciatrix at 10:47 AM on February 9, 2022 [101 favorites]
"Took them long enough."
I was just talking with my local Democratic party chairwoman* about this article, and we were sort-of bitterly laughing because our local Democratic politics have been run by "suburban moms" for YEARS. Moms provide the shoe leather, moms pass the petitions, moms solicit the donations, moms turn up at school board meetings and town council meetings. (*who is very, very good at her job; under her leadership, for the first time WWII, local Republicans lost every. single. race., including some the state party had given up on as unwinnable. I do not have a single Republican representing me from the US Senate down to the local dogcatcher, and it is glorious.)
My chairwoman said, "Men show up when they want to run for an important elected position, or they're getting paid to be there."
The question isn't "what took moms so long?" but rather "where are the dads?" Honestly we're all a bit startled when a straight man shows up to a local party meeting unless he's a) in office or b) tagging along with his wife. There's only one man who attends our local environmental advocacy group (he's a beekeeper).
It's a little startling, when you start looking around, and see how little engagement in community life there is from men, at least here in blue suburbia. The one place they show up is the pedestrian/bike committee, and I have no idea why that's male-dominated, and literally the entire rest of local politics, public life, and volunteerism is female-dominated. And often vastly, startlingly female-dominated -- more than 95% of school volunteers are women; there were something like 40 moms and 2 dads coaching youth rec soccer last spring; 5/7 town council members are women, 6/7 school board members, 6/7 library board members. And the women and men tend to have the same types of jobs; it's not like we've got 500 dads going downtown to be accountants and 500 moms staying at home baking cookies. (Which is another thing I've never seen a man at -- the cookie walk fundraiser that funds arts in local schools -- an event that I loathe, but religiously attend anyway.)
Are dads okay?
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:48 AM on February 9, 2022 [132 favorites]
I was just talking with my local Democratic party chairwoman* about this article, and we were sort-of bitterly laughing because our local Democratic politics have been run by "suburban moms" for YEARS. Moms provide the shoe leather, moms pass the petitions, moms solicit the donations, moms turn up at school board meetings and town council meetings. (*who is very, very good at her job; under her leadership, for the first time WWII, local Republicans lost every. single. race., including some the state party had given up on as unwinnable. I do not have a single Republican representing me from the US Senate down to the local dogcatcher, and it is glorious.)
My chairwoman said, "Men show up when they want to run for an important elected position, or they're getting paid to be there."
The question isn't "what took moms so long?" but rather "where are the dads?" Honestly we're all a bit startled when a straight man shows up to a local party meeting unless he's a) in office or b) tagging along with his wife. There's only one man who attends our local environmental advocacy group (he's a beekeeper).
It's a little startling, when you start looking around, and see how little engagement in community life there is from men, at least here in blue suburbia. The one place they show up is the pedestrian/bike committee, and I have no idea why that's male-dominated, and literally the entire rest of local politics, public life, and volunteerism is female-dominated. And often vastly, startlingly female-dominated -- more than 95% of school volunteers are women; there were something like 40 moms and 2 dads coaching youth rec soccer last spring; 5/7 town council members are women, 6/7 school board members, 6/7 library board members. And the women and men tend to have the same types of jobs; it's not like we've got 500 dads going downtown to be accountants and 500 moms staying at home baking cookies. (Which is another thing I've never seen a man at -- the cookie walk fundraiser that funds arts in local schools -- an event that I loathe, but religiously attend anyway.)
Are dads okay?
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:48 AM on February 9, 2022 [132 favorites]
Having assiduously avoided the suburbs my whole life I can't speak to suburban moms, but urban moms get shit done and are the bedrock of local politics in DC.
posted by aspersioncast at 10:54 AM on February 9, 2022 [19 favorites]
posted by aspersioncast at 10:54 AM on February 9, 2022 [19 favorites]
Suburban women are very likely closely related to at least one radicalized and armed man, and almost certainly live in close proximity to several. That shit is dangerous, and they're still putting themselves out there. Should be thanking them for their service.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 10:57 AM on February 9, 2022 [31 favorites]
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 10:57 AM on February 9, 2022 [31 favorites]
as a grateful barnacle on the behemoth of rural moms getting shit done, I can only concur with the above
posted by elkevelvet at 11:06 AM on February 9, 2022 [9 favorites]
posted by elkevelvet at 11:06 AM on February 9, 2022 [9 favorites]
Some of what they are up against. Fresh Air (3 Feb 2022): "From slavery to socialism, new legislation restricts what teachers can discuss." An interview with Jeffrey Sachs, of PEN America, a writers organization dedicated to free speech.
posted by bz at 11:16 AM on February 9, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by bz at 11:16 AM on February 9, 2022 [3 favorites]
The one place they show up is the pedestrian/bike committee, and I have no idea why that's male-dominated [...]
Bicycle costume dudes as a special interest, maybe?
I wish I knew the answer as to why so much of activism is woman-dominated, sometimes to the point where people wonder where all those dads are at all. I don't have a hypothesis or a conjecture, but motherhood as a cultural role seems to my eyes to be one motivating force for progressive activism that fatherhood isn't to the same degree.
As a father with strong progressive opinions I will admit outright that my activist support is more financial than logistical and practical. I'm pretty bad at juggling a large number of contexts whereas many of the women I see making a difference in the world are decidedly not. No clue if this is a gender acculturation or developmental difference or something else entirely at play.
Are the dads okay, indeed?
posted by majick at 11:45 AM on February 9, 2022 [4 favorites]
Bicycle costume dudes as a special interest, maybe?
I wish I knew the answer as to why so much of activism is woman-dominated, sometimes to the point where people wonder where all those dads are at all. I don't have a hypothesis or a conjecture, but motherhood as a cultural role seems to my eyes to be one motivating force for progressive activism that fatherhood isn't to the same degree.
As a father with strong progressive opinions I will admit outright that my activist support is more financial than logistical and practical. I'm pretty bad at juggling a large number of contexts whereas many of the women I see making a difference in the world are decidedly not. No clue if this is a gender acculturation or developmental difference or something else entirely at play.
Are the dads okay, indeed?
posted by majick at 11:45 AM on February 9, 2022 [4 favorites]
I am very glad to see this. One of the tactics of the right over the past decade or so has been to toxify public spaces so that fewer and fewer people participate. Every time somebody steps up, they take back a little piece.
One of my favourite sayings is the Pashtun proverb “drop by drop, the mighty river forms.”
posted by rpfields at 12:23 PM on February 9, 2022 [15 favorites]
One of my favourite sayings is the Pashtun proverb “drop by drop, the mighty river forms.”
posted by rpfields at 12:23 PM on February 9, 2022 [15 favorites]
This was very heartening to read, as we’re going through our own local politics hell here in Castle Rock, CO. (See the Douglas County School Board v. Rational Thought). My wife took part in a sick-out last week and took our son to his first political protest. Now, a local cretin is calling for the names of teachers who took part in this democratic action.
posted by Don.Kinsayder at 12:35 PM on February 9, 2022 [6 favorites]
posted by Don.Kinsayder at 12:35 PM on February 9, 2022 [6 favorites]
The one place [men] show up is the pedestrian/bike committee, and I have no idea why that's male-dominated
Having been on that committee in my town maybe 12-14 years ago: bike dudes are just a thing, and I think it's one of the few civic parts of life that intersects with a Guy Hobby in that way.
(I was very involved in local civic engagement at that point in my life, burned out really badly when I took on too much and then hit some personal stuff, and have not gone back.)
posted by epersonae at 12:49 PM on February 9, 2022 [3 favorites]
Having been on that committee in my town maybe 12-14 years ago: bike dudes are just a thing, and I think it's one of the few civic parts of life that intersects with a Guy Hobby in that way.
(I was very involved in local civic engagement at that point in my life, burned out really badly when I took on too much and then hit some personal stuff, and have not gone back.)
posted by epersonae at 12:49 PM on February 9, 2022 [3 favorites]
I moved to a suburb-ish area a year ago and one of the first things I did was find the coolest person I could (owner of the independent bookstore who had prison abolition books in her window! in a town where the co-op has a "support our police" sign, ugh) and ask what's going on here for organizing. I just asked her who's door knocking for city council elections this year because it's pretty clear the conservatives are planning to be as destructive and ugly as possible. Honestly we may already be behind but a conservative school board takeover in our region may have woken some people up.
And yeah, I expect almost everyone I meet while doing this to be other moms. A few years ago at my caucus in a deep deep blue part of Minneapolis a dude came in, brand new to caucusing. He sat down next to a pretty young woman and started lecturing her about how the Democrats had stolen the nomination from Bernie to anoint Hillary. He barely listened to the meeting and soon stood up, told the woman, "this is boring" and left. If ever he was going to meet the people who agreed with him - they were probably in that room. But meetings are boring and slow, and the woman he wanted to speak at wasn't totally enamored of him, so he moved on. I think about that a lot. I get crushed by a lot of election results but dammit it's not because I don't show up.
One other thing. I am excited about doing some doorknocking, etc in my new town because the issues are much less likely to be nationalized and recognized everywhere. Or the issues may be nationalized, but more than likely the leaders from various groups haven't been interviewed on MSNBC or Fox. They're in town and they have a reputation HERE and if it gets away from them, their business could be affected. It feels like organizing can be more effective quickly. We'll see if I am right about that.
posted by Emmy Rae at 1:02 PM on February 9, 2022 [27 favorites]
And yeah, I expect almost everyone I meet while doing this to be other moms. A few years ago at my caucus in a deep deep blue part of Minneapolis a dude came in, brand new to caucusing. He sat down next to a pretty young woman and started lecturing her about how the Democrats had stolen the nomination from Bernie to anoint Hillary. He barely listened to the meeting and soon stood up, told the woman, "this is boring" and left. If ever he was going to meet the people who agreed with him - they were probably in that room. But meetings are boring and slow, and the woman he wanted to speak at wasn't totally enamored of him, so he moved on. I think about that a lot. I get crushed by a lot of election results but dammit it's not because I don't show up.
One other thing. I am excited about doing some doorknocking, etc in my new town because the issues are much less likely to be nationalized and recognized everywhere. Or the issues may be nationalized, but more than likely the leaders from various groups haven't been interviewed on MSNBC or Fox. They're in town and they have a reputation HERE and if it gets away from them, their business could be affected. It feels like organizing can be more effective quickly. We'll see if I am right about that.
posted by Emmy Rae at 1:02 PM on February 9, 2022 [27 favorites]
After reading this article I realize I may need to learn to speak Wine Mom but I think I can do it.
posted by Emmy Rae at 1:03 PM on February 9, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by Emmy Rae at 1:03 PM on February 9, 2022 [4 favorites]
It's a little startling, when you start looking around, and see how little engagement in community life there is from men, at least here in blue suburbia. The one place they show up is the pedestrian/bike committee, and I have no idea why that's male-dominated, and literally the entire rest of local politics, public life, and volunteerism is female-dominated. And often vastly, startlingly female-dominated -- more than 95% of school volunteers are women; there were something like 40 moms and 2 dads coaching youth rec soccer last spring; 5/7 town council members are women, 6/7 school board members, 6/7 library board members. And the women and men tend to have the same types of jobs; it's not like we've got 500 dads going downtown to be accountants and 500 moms staying at home baking cookies. (Which is another thing I've never seen a man at -- the cookie walk fundraiser that funds arts in local schools -- an event that I loathe, but religiously attend anyway.)
Are dads okay?
1. Expectations are just higher for moms. There’s social stigma to being uninvolved if you’re a mom.
2. Gender policing. Dads are discouraged from participating in non-sport kids’ activities by a subset of moms enforcing gender norms. I personally was actively discouraged from participating in Girl Scout leadership for my girls by some neighborhood moms.
posted by leotrotsky at 1:21 PM on February 9, 2022 [5 favorites]
Are dads okay?
1. Expectations are just higher for moms. There’s social stigma to being uninvolved if you’re a mom.
2. Gender policing. Dads are discouraged from participating in non-sport kids’ activities by a subset of moms enforcing gender norms. I personally was actively discouraged from participating in Girl Scout leadership for my girls by some neighborhood moms.
posted by leotrotsky at 1:21 PM on February 9, 2022 [5 favorites]
It takes a vintage.
posted by emelenjr at 1:29 PM on February 9, 2022 [11 favorites]
posted by emelenjr at 1:29 PM on February 9, 2022 [11 favorites]
I think you must live in an outlier community to see that much female representation, and aren't all the upper middle class suburban guys republicans? that's probably where they are. I volunteer at my kids school, and it's like 50/50.
posted by The_Vegetables at 1:30 PM on February 9, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by The_Vegetables at 1:30 PM on February 9, 2022 [1 favorite]
Why are we not talking about the absolute marketing genius who came up with the name "Red, Wine and Blue"
"Heyyyy Betsy, I'm hosting a thing, hope you can come, lots of Chardonnay."
"I'm there."
posted by jeremias at 2:27 PM on February 9, 2022 [10 favorites]
"Heyyyy Betsy, I'm hosting a thing, hope you can come, lots of Chardonnay."
"I'm there."
posted by jeremias at 2:27 PM on February 9, 2022 [10 favorites]
I hope they can put aside school closures and masks. There are many Blue moms who are civically engaged who want schools open and masks off soon. There’s no reason to continue to make that into a point of division on the left just because some crazies are yelling about masks and CRT at the same time.
posted by haptic_avenger at 2:29 PM on February 9, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by haptic_avenger at 2:29 PM on February 9, 2022 [2 favorites]
→
This already has to exist, but as an astroturf group demanding the exact opposite. Just like The Renewable Energy Foundation, who are for everything but renewables.
posted by scruss at 3:00 PM on February 9, 2022 [4 favorites]
Parents for Science and Common-Sense
This already has to exist, but as an astroturf group demanding the exact opposite. Just like The Renewable Energy Foundation, who are for everything but renewables.
posted by scruss at 3:00 PM on February 9, 2022 [4 favorites]
I live in an urban-ish setting and the boards and committees etc I am on are like pretty even most days. A bunch of organizing for other groups here happens through unions where the split is OK there as well.
A partial reason for a paucity of men in these spaces elsewhere could be because no one is asking them. Not all of these rooms are filled with walk-ins. Most of the time there is a lot of asking to get turnout and commitments. The networking must be stronger among the women, and most of the recruiting of men and women may be getting done by the women, in the cases I've seen.
"Took them long enough."
About fourteen zillion moms and not moms knitted cool hats and then marched in a coordinated way and filled the streets in a way I have never seen before. WIth like zero arrests. Super impressive. And America just shrugged. Moms showed up to get blasted by pepper spray in the Northwest more recently
Moms also drove their kids with long guns across state lines to go be Kyle, so I'm not a person who thinks motherhood flips a switch and makes a person 'ours.' Also can't say I understand true suburbs at all, I'd have to spend more time there. I just wish this culture could stop celebrating corruption as a first step, maybe value other people as a next step. Not in a great mood today about any of this. Goddamn.
posted by drowsy at 3:15 PM on February 9, 2022 [19 favorites]
A partial reason for a paucity of men in these spaces elsewhere could be because no one is asking them. Not all of these rooms are filled with walk-ins. Most of the time there is a lot of asking to get turnout and commitments. The networking must be stronger among the women, and most of the recruiting of men and women may be getting done by the women, in the cases I've seen.
"Took them long enough."
About fourteen zillion moms and not moms knitted cool hats and then marched in a coordinated way and filled the streets in a way I have never seen before. WIth like zero arrests. Super impressive. And America just shrugged. Moms showed up to get blasted by pepper spray in the Northwest more recently
Moms also drove their kids with long guns across state lines to go be Kyle, so I'm not a person who thinks motherhood flips a switch and makes a person 'ours.' Also can't say I understand true suburbs at all, I'd have to spend more time there. I just wish this culture could stop celebrating corruption as a first step, maybe value other people as a next step. Not in a great mood today about any of this. Goddamn.
posted by drowsy at 3:15 PM on February 9, 2022 [19 favorites]
All the rural moms I have met out by me are organizing their right wing anti vax cohort. I’m very wary of my PTA moms, who showed up to my village council meetings regularly to speak out against the village mask mandate. They do alllll the heavy lifting of volunteerism at our school and frankly I can’t see myself ever going to those meetings.
I dislike the name of this organization, wine is not a way to get me to show up for stuff. I see it working though.
Still finding my way in rural culture.
posted by Lawn Beaver at 3:24 PM on February 9, 2022 [6 favorites]
I dislike the name of this organization, wine is not a way to get me to show up for stuff. I see it working though.
Still finding my way in rural culture.
posted by Lawn Beaver at 3:24 PM on February 9, 2022 [6 favorites]
For those wondering about the bike guys, there's a term used in biking communities. MAMIL (middle age males in lycra).
The specific reason mamils flock primarily to cycling committees is that John Forester wrote a book in the 70s that advocated for vehicular cycling and has in the decades since been a bully stroking male ego at the expense of any real gains in bicycling infrastructure for all. His book is responsible for men arguing that women and children shouldn't ride bikes if they can't keep up with traffic and put their bodies at risk.
But to the article at hand, it definitely seems that most of the local advocacy groups in my blue island in a red state are started and run by women. Women inject the energy into the system.
posted by TheKaijuCommuter at 5:03 PM on February 9, 2022 [6 favorites]
The specific reason mamils flock primarily to cycling committees is that John Forester wrote a book in the 70s that advocated for vehicular cycling and has in the decades since been a bully stroking male ego at the expense of any real gains in bicycling infrastructure for all. His book is responsible for men arguing that women and children shouldn't ride bikes if they can't keep up with traffic and put their bodies at risk.
But to the article at hand, it definitely seems that most of the local advocacy groups in my blue island in a red state are started and run by women. Women inject the energy into the system.
posted by TheKaijuCommuter at 5:03 PM on February 9, 2022 [6 favorites]
John Forester wrote a book in the 70s that advocated for vehicular cycling
I also listened to the Well There's Your Problem podcast today, and it was quite enlightening.
posted by tclark at 5:41 PM on February 9, 2022 [1 favorite]
I also listened to the Well There's Your Problem podcast today, and it was quite enlightening.
posted by tclark at 5:41 PM on February 9, 2022 [1 favorite]
Hi tclark! I've listened to about 4 podcasts in my entire life, so I don't get the reference. Was it about vehicular cycling?
posted by TheKaijuCommuter at 7:28 PM on February 9, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by TheKaijuCommuter at 7:28 PM on February 9, 2022 [1 favorite]
"After reading this article I realize I may need to learn to speak Wine Mom but I think I can do it."
Honestly, prior to 2016, I was very judicious in the politics I posted to my personal social media, and followed best practices to weigh in on issues that mattered a lot to moms but weren't heavily politicized. And I had pretty good success at winning over local GOP moms to Dem causes (notably, where I lived then, opposing racist policing), by being engaged in school issues, calm, polite, unfighty, and picking my battles.
Then Trump happened, and shortly thereafter I moved to an entirely new community 150 miles away where I knew basically nobody I wasn't already related to, and at a certain point I was like, "Fuck this shit, this account is now nothing but Gritty memes and guillotine memes." I literally posted something like, "I feel bad for all the PTA moms who friended me and now see nothing but guillotine memes." ALL THE PTA MOMS FAVORITED IT. Some of them send me memes they feel like they can't personally post (usually because of their jobs), but they want me to post so everybody sees it.
I never thought I was a wine mom, but it turns out, the wine moms are actually awesome? I mean they definitely think I'm a little nuts, and a little overintense, but in a fun way. Like, I was very wrong to be dismissive about wine moms, wine moms are ME and wine moms are AWESOME. (Except for the legit and real concerns about alcoholism and the reification of drinking as a personality, that's legitimately concerning, it might be better if we were hotdish moms.)
I am 100% sure this varies by where you are -- being a wine mom in a Trumpy McMansion exurb seems soul-killing -- but it turns out the wine moms in a relatively Democratic suburb have all been progressives since they were 14 and all LOL at guillotine memes and you don't have to explain what Gritty is to them. And they are just like -- I cannot even tell you how much they love their kids and their kids' friends, and how willing they are to turn that into VERY INTENSE ENERGY to fight with assholes. We had two HS students come out as trans just before the pandemic, and the state GOP sent out their bathroom panic troops (they were not the first trans students to come out, but they hit a high point of GOP assholery), and the wine moms LOST THEIR SHIT. If you have ever wanted to see a bunch of angry women in their 50s dunk on sad men in their 60s and 70s, BOY WAS IT YOUR SHOW. (Also, if you have ever wanted to have your campaign financials deeply audited by angry moms, complain about bathrooms. They are THERE, and they are REPORTING YOU to the appropriate state agencies.) The informal high school moms group raised money to hire a diversity educator from Chicago to come talk to them about gender and pronouns (they hosted it publicly at the local library) and it was like all moms and grandmas who were very eager to use the right pronouns but didn't want to make it awkward by asking at the wrong time or being ignorant about the basics. Like, some of their kids told them, "We are not your 101, and you need to pay minorities who educate you," so they were like, "That's good sense, let's do that," and hired educators. It was legit the sweetest fucking thing.
Anyway, all our local teachers, including my kid's kindergarten teacher, now include their pronouns in every e-mail, and I feel like a lot of that is due to parents getting super-energized about it. My kindergartener came home and told me, "Sometimes people with penises are girls, and sometimes people with vulvas are boys, and boys can have long hair! And all of that is okay!" and I said "YEP, that's true!" but that was all I had to do because the wine moms already fixed the curriculum so actual educators with expertise explain the parts I might fuck up.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:43 PM on February 9, 2022 [44 favorites]
Honestly, prior to 2016, I was very judicious in the politics I posted to my personal social media, and followed best practices to weigh in on issues that mattered a lot to moms but weren't heavily politicized. And I had pretty good success at winning over local GOP moms to Dem causes (notably, where I lived then, opposing racist policing), by being engaged in school issues, calm, polite, unfighty, and picking my battles.
Then Trump happened, and shortly thereafter I moved to an entirely new community 150 miles away where I knew basically nobody I wasn't already related to, and at a certain point I was like, "Fuck this shit, this account is now nothing but Gritty memes and guillotine memes." I literally posted something like, "I feel bad for all the PTA moms who friended me and now see nothing but guillotine memes." ALL THE PTA MOMS FAVORITED IT. Some of them send me memes they feel like they can't personally post (usually because of their jobs), but they want me to post so everybody sees it.
I never thought I was a wine mom, but it turns out, the wine moms are actually awesome? I mean they definitely think I'm a little nuts, and a little overintense, but in a fun way. Like, I was very wrong to be dismissive about wine moms, wine moms are ME and wine moms are AWESOME. (Except for the legit and real concerns about alcoholism and the reification of drinking as a personality, that's legitimately concerning, it might be better if we were hotdish moms.)
I am 100% sure this varies by where you are -- being a wine mom in a Trumpy McMansion exurb seems soul-killing -- but it turns out the wine moms in a relatively Democratic suburb have all been progressives since they were 14 and all LOL at guillotine memes and you don't have to explain what Gritty is to them. And they are just like -- I cannot even tell you how much they love their kids and their kids' friends, and how willing they are to turn that into VERY INTENSE ENERGY to fight with assholes. We had two HS students come out as trans just before the pandemic, and the state GOP sent out their bathroom panic troops (they were not the first trans students to come out, but they hit a high point of GOP assholery), and the wine moms LOST THEIR SHIT. If you have ever wanted to see a bunch of angry women in their 50s dunk on sad men in their 60s and 70s, BOY WAS IT YOUR SHOW. (Also, if you have ever wanted to have your campaign financials deeply audited by angry moms, complain about bathrooms. They are THERE, and they are REPORTING YOU to the appropriate state agencies.) The informal high school moms group raised money to hire a diversity educator from Chicago to come talk to them about gender and pronouns (they hosted it publicly at the local library) and it was like all moms and grandmas who were very eager to use the right pronouns but didn't want to make it awkward by asking at the wrong time or being ignorant about the basics. Like, some of their kids told them, "We are not your 101, and you need to pay minorities who educate you," so they were like, "That's good sense, let's do that," and hired educators. It was legit the sweetest fucking thing.
Anyway, all our local teachers, including my kid's kindergarten teacher, now include their pronouns in every e-mail, and I feel like a lot of that is due to parents getting super-energized about it. My kindergartener came home and told me, "Sometimes people with penises are girls, and sometimes people with vulvas are boys, and boys can have long hair! And all of that is okay!" and I said "YEP, that's true!" but that was all I had to do because the wine moms already fixed the curriculum so actual educators with expertise explain the parts I might fuck up.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:43 PM on February 9, 2022 [44 favorites]
Suburban women are very likely closely related to at least one radicalized and armed man
I was related to the same people when I lived in the city as I am now.
Having assiduously avoided the suburbs my whole life...
Attitudes like this are pushing your allies away.
posted by soelo at 9:53 PM on February 9, 2022 [6 favorites]
I was related to the same people when I lived in the city as I am now.
Having assiduously avoided the suburbs my whole life...
Attitudes like this are pushing your allies away.
posted by soelo at 9:53 PM on February 9, 2022 [6 favorites]
Hi tclark! I've listened to about 4 podcasts in my entire life, so I don't get the reference. Was it about vehicular cycling?
It was! And about Philly grocery stores.
People riding bikes for transportation are still disproportionately men (although women are disproportionately killed by drivers, relative to their numbers). That likely explains the imbalance on the ped & bike committee. It's true of many bicycle advocacy organizations as well, though this is slowly changing.
posted by threementholsandafuneral at 7:23 AM on February 10, 2022
It was! And about Philly grocery stores.
People riding bikes for transportation are still disproportionately men (although women are disproportionately killed by drivers, relative to their numbers). That likely explains the imbalance on the ped & bike committee. It's true of many bicycle advocacy organizations as well, though this is slowly changing.
posted by threementholsandafuneral at 7:23 AM on February 10, 2022
Hi tclark! I've listened to about 4 podcasts in my entire life, so I don't get the reference. Was it about vehicular cycling?
It was -- I like the WTYP podcast a lot. Quite a coincidence that John Forester would come up in this thread when the same day the podcast covered Forester and vehicular cycling (and how awful it really is).
posted by tclark at 7:51 AM on February 10, 2022
It was -- I like the WTYP podcast a lot. Quite a coincidence that John Forester would come up in this thread when the same day the podcast covered Forester and vehicular cycling (and how awful it really is).
posted by tclark at 7:51 AM on February 10, 2022
This might be worth an FPP, I don't mean to derail. Re: women and cycling (in the USA anyway), there is a film out there "Motherload" (PG cut) that addresses some issues directly. (SPOILER) using a cargo bike helped some women to feel safer and more equal and visible to the rest of traffic. OTOH, people, mostly men, will road rage all over these women when they use bikes to carry their children. The film is a rental. I saw this as an offering of my local bike advocacy group, which here is gender balanced in all vectors as far as I have seen, with normal fluctuation patterns.
posted by drowsy at 8:52 AM on February 10, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by drowsy at 8:52 AM on February 10, 2022 [3 favorites]
Attitudes like this are pushing your allies away.
Hahaha the same allies who think someone’s going to shoot them the second they get on the green line? I’ve assiduously avoided living in the suburbs because I don’t want to have to *drive* everywhere. Although last I checked the predominant Republican base is suburban, so I don’t know maybe they’d convert to allies if I weren’t pushing them away with this snobby metropolitan attitude.
posted by aspersioncast at 11:20 AM on February 10, 2022 [1 favorite]
Hahaha the same allies who think someone’s going to shoot them the second they get on the green line? I’ve assiduously avoided living in the suburbs because I don’t want to have to *drive* everywhere. Although last I checked the predominant Republican base is suburban, so I don’t know maybe they’d convert to allies if I weren’t pushing them away with this snobby metropolitan attitude.
posted by aspersioncast at 11:20 AM on February 10, 2022 [1 favorite]
Assuming someone’s political affiliation based on where they live is what I am objecting to. I am not suggesting you make nice with racists. I am suggesting you don’t assume someone is racist because they don’t live in a city.
posted by soelo at 11:37 AM on February 10, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by soelo at 11:37 AM on February 10, 2022 [4 favorites]
The Green Line goes to suburbs also, aspersioncast (including Hyattsville, where I grew up). Where do they begin, for you -- the DC line, the Beltway; somewhere in between?
posted by Rash at 12:07 PM on February 10, 2022
posted by Rash at 12:07 PM on February 10, 2022
Hi, I'm in a suburb of Minneapolis right now. I vote for democrats and so do a lot of my neighbors. I go into the city proper all the time and have no problem riding city busses or trains. It's this "they" shit I object to. "We" are not a monolith any more than any other group of people.
Everywhere is purple.
posted by VTX at 6:34 PM on February 10, 2022 [3 favorites]
Everywhere is purple.
posted by VTX at 6:34 PM on February 10, 2022 [3 favorites]
Moms are women.
Suburban women are mounting opposition.
posted by Miko at 9:26 PM on February 10, 2022 [7 favorites]
Suburban women are mounting opposition.
posted by Miko at 9:26 PM on February 10, 2022 [7 favorites]
People riding bikes for transportation are still disproportionately men (although women are disproportionately killed by drivers, relative to their numbers). That likely explains the imbalance on the ped & bike committee.
Yeah: and it's connected to a couple things:
1. Women primarily assume responsibility for getting a family prepared and out of the house on a given weekday morning - choosing clothing, managing a shower and breakfast timetable, cooking breakfast, making lunches, packing backpacks - leaving far less time for something individual and time-consuming like bike commuting.
2. Standards for women's' professional dress militate against bike commuting. I can't arrive at work disheveled, sweaty, mud-splattered. I can't quick-change in the same way men do and still meet standards for female professional presentation.
In other words, this isn't happenstance. It's connected to unequal burdens placed upon women in family and work settings.
Finally, as my previous comment notes, a radical analysis means pushing beyond "moms" as the framing for this activism. These are activist women. They have families and that influences their recognition of needs and their objectives. But to frame them as "moms" is not only reductive, it's exclusive. I'm a suburban woman, not a mom, and when I show up to issue events, as I do, I see moms but I see others too - older women whose kids have long left home, single women, women like me without children but with a lot of community interest, religious women who have taken vows, young women who don't yet have families. It's not our familial status that makes us activists. It's our general collective sense of community responsibility. Sure, women in midlife who are active in politics are disproportionately likely to be "moms" because more often than not (I say lazily without checking demographic stats) women in midlife happen to have children. But women are more active in politics, across the board, as far as I can see, no matter what their family status.
So maybe we can talk about gender disparities in on-the-ground political action, with regard to familial status, but without essentializing all women who do this as "moms." That's an important Venn overlap, but it doesn't tell the full story. Women, all out, are more directly, locally, politically active than men.
posted by Miko at 9:40 PM on February 10, 2022 [22 favorites]
Yeah: and it's connected to a couple things:
1. Women primarily assume responsibility for getting a family prepared and out of the house on a given weekday morning - choosing clothing, managing a shower and breakfast timetable, cooking breakfast, making lunches, packing backpacks - leaving far less time for something individual and time-consuming like bike commuting.
2. Standards for women's' professional dress militate against bike commuting. I can't arrive at work disheveled, sweaty, mud-splattered. I can't quick-change in the same way men do and still meet standards for female professional presentation.
In other words, this isn't happenstance. It's connected to unequal burdens placed upon women in family and work settings.
Finally, as my previous comment notes, a radical analysis means pushing beyond "moms" as the framing for this activism. These are activist women. They have families and that influences their recognition of needs and their objectives. But to frame them as "moms" is not only reductive, it's exclusive. I'm a suburban woman, not a mom, and when I show up to issue events, as I do, I see moms but I see others too - older women whose kids have long left home, single women, women like me without children but with a lot of community interest, religious women who have taken vows, young women who don't yet have families. It's not our familial status that makes us activists. It's our general collective sense of community responsibility. Sure, women in midlife who are active in politics are disproportionately likely to be "moms" because more often than not (I say lazily without checking demographic stats) women in midlife happen to have children. But women are more active in politics, across the board, as far as I can see, no matter what their family status.
So maybe we can talk about gender disparities in on-the-ground political action, with regard to familial status, but without essentializing all women who do this as "moms." That's an important Venn overlap, but it doesn't tell the full story. Women, all out, are more directly, locally, politically active than men.
posted by Miko at 9:40 PM on February 10, 2022 [22 favorites]
Coincidentally, I just read this today on the Wikipedia page about the Nazi Brownshirts:
posted by clawsoon at 10:33 PM on February 10, 2022 [5 favorites]
Hitler believed that the defiant and rebellious culture encouraged before the seizure of power had to give way to using these forces for community organization. But the SA members resented tasks such as canvassing and fundraising, considering them Kleinarbeit ("little work"), which had typically been performed by women before the Nazi seizure of power.So even Nazi men didn't want to show up for local political work.
posted by clawsoon at 10:33 PM on February 10, 2022 [5 favorites]
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Personally, they need to hammer hard on issue of "Don't let politics take over education" and maybe use a super-neutral name like "Parents for Science and Common-Sense"
On masks, stick with simple message: "masks protect EVERYBODY, and that's the science." Same with vaccines.
I agree that DNC so far doesn't have answers to the RNC / Roger Stone playbooks and the Blue moms are definitely playing catch-up. But it should be all moms (well, maybe except the true Red moms)
posted by kschang at 9:08 AM on February 9, 2022 [5 favorites]