The Dinner Party That’s Nourished a Trans Community for Decades

February 17, 2022 8:50 AM

CDI was born in the late 1980s when a group of male crossdressers, tired of being harassed in public, placed an ad in the back of The Village Voice directing other male crossdressers to meet in hotel suites around the city where they could lift gender boundaries and safely dress femme. Eventually, the club grew and moved its meetings to a member’s apartment next to Port Authority where they answered questions and gave advice on hotlines connected to the ads. They moved to their current Hell’s Kitchen clubhouse six years ago.

A well-illustrated story about a group of mostly older trans women who host regular dinners together in NYC. (Some of the attitudes may ring a little old-fashioned for us younger people, but it seems to me these women have survived from a time even harsher on them than the present day.)

posted by praemunire (7 comments total)

One member had nervously waited years to come out to her 25-year-old son. When she did, he greeted her with love and relief; it turned out that her son had also been wrenching himself for years over how he would tell his parents that he identified as a trans woman.

Actual tears. Thank you so much for this.
posted by rdc at 11:50 AM on February 17, 2022 [7 favorites]

Great post, thank you!
posted by Bella Donna at 1:35 PM on February 17, 2022

Some of the attitudes may ring a little old-fashioned for us younger people

I sort of assume that this is a reference to 'crossgender'. And, yeah, it is old-fashioned, in a way, but it's not that this group is retrograde, but rather they got erased when progressive cis people all decided they knew stuff about trans issues.
posted by hoyland at 3:46 PM on February 17, 2022 [4 favorites]

Great article, thank you. I keep coming back to this wonderful turn of phrase early on:

It’s not about the food,” Slim, a CDI member, model, and former manager of the Rainbow Room told us. “It’s about the nourishment.”
posted by dr_dank at 4:09 PM on February 17, 2022 [5 favorites]

“If I had been aware of the growing acceptance of gender fluidity a few years earlier, I don’t think I would have had bottom surgery done,” she explained. “There is a new wave of acceptance that wasn’t there when I decided to make that transition.”

Fascinating.
posted by riruro at 7:58 PM on February 17, 2022 [2 favorites]

I sort of assume that this is a reference to 'crossgender'.

The "most passing, most feminine" requirement seems like something that would not be put in place if the group were organizing today with the intention of being broadly welcoming (but is entirely understandable as a historical artifact).
posted by praemunire at 11:10 PM on February 17, 2022

This was lovely. I was touched by the racks of donated heels. It is amazing when marginalized people are able to create safe havens for themselves. If anyone hasn't read the article, please do: It is short, the photos are great, and it's moving to read.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:26 AM on February 18, 2022 [1 favorite]