Rhimes—and all of Shondaland—had been Delvey’ed
May 9, 2022 4:49 AM Subscribe
Scene Stealer: The True Lies of Elisabeth Finch, Part 1 and Part 2: For years, a Grey’s Anatomy writer told her personal traumas in online essays, and wove those details into the show’s plot—until a surprising email to Shondaland accused her of making it all up.
Other terrible things seemed to befall Finch, some of which she chronicled for the world, some of which she talked about in select company. Against all medical odds due to her cancer treatments, she became pregnant. She faced the awful dilemma of aborting the child or dying if she wanted to carry it, because she’d have to cease treatment; she chose to have an abortion. There was the kidney transplant she needed, due to something cancer-related. A dear friend was killed in the Tree of Life synagogue massacre in Pittsburgh, where Finch went to college, and she helped to clean the friend’s remains off the floor—the FBI allowed it. Her brother, Finch was realizing in midlife, had abused her many years ago. Then, he took his own life. Well, not quite. He was so vindictive that he was intentionally unsuccessful, and Finchie was the one who had to pull the plug. She was the Job of the Disney lot...
...If what Beyer was saying was true, Rhimes—and all of Shondaland—had been Delvey’ed. As had Finch’s friends and family members. Only she wasn’t stealing people’s money. She was taking their empathy and tears, as well as other people’s personal traumas, which she would call her own.
Part 2 has domestic abuse and suicide content, for those sensitive to those topics.
I knew I remembered Finch from somewhere! Here is the MetaFilter discussion about the original Elle article. The discussion is still there but the original Elle link is now a 404.
I think everyone knows a non-famous Elisabeth Finch. That person that everything happens seems to happen to in an extra-dramatic fashion and while nobody can corroborate the stories, you don't want to be the one who brings up the possibility of shenanigans.
Thanks for posting this!
posted by kimberussell at 6:34 AM on May 9, 2022 [4 favorites]
I knew I remembered Finch from somewhere! Here is the MetaFilter discussion about the original Elle article. The discussion is still there but the original Elle link is now a 404.
I think everyone knows a non-famous Elisabeth Finch. That person that everything happens seems to happen to in an extra-dramatic fashion and while nobody can corroborate the stories, you don't want to be the one who brings up the possibility of shenanigans.
Thanks for posting this!
posted by kimberussell at 6:34 AM on May 9, 2022 [4 favorites]
The discussion is still there but the original Elle link is now a 404.
Here's an archive.org version of this article: https://web.archive.org/web/20220321210900/https://www.elle.com/life-love/a32907/i-confronted-the-doctor-who-missed-my-cancer/. It appears to have gone down some time between Mar 21 and Apr 7, no doubt as news of this began circulating widely. In fact all sorts of stuff there along similar lines appears to be gone...
posted by advil at 7:31 AM on May 9, 2022 [5 favorites]
Here's an archive.org version of this article: https://web.archive.org/web/20220321210900/https://www.elle.com/life-love/a32907/i-confronted-the-doctor-who-missed-my-cancer/. It appears to have gone down some time between Mar 21 and Apr 7, no doubt as news of this began circulating widely. In fact all sorts of stuff there along similar lines appears to be gone...
posted by advil at 7:31 AM on May 9, 2022 [5 favorites]
I think everyone knows a non-famous Elisabeth Finch. That person that everything happens seems to happen to in an extra-dramatic fashion and while nobody can corroborate the stories, you don't want to be the one who brings up the possibility of shenanigans.
The Finch-esque person in my friend circle was first unmasked when a childhood friend of hers was also added to the friend circle, and was surprised to discover that the Finch-esque person claimed a childhood she knew to be false. As we talked about it, it was clear that she claimed many overlapping childhoods that couldn't plausibly true and if we had all talked about it together that would have been obvious. And if that wasn't enough to prove to me that our Finch-esque person was lying, I later heard from other people about dramatic events involving her AND me that I certainly would have remembered if I had been there.
It's odd, when I was younger, I was definitely inclined to make things up to make myself seem more interesting -- mostly your basic "Canadian girlfriend" level of lying, though of course, as a straight girl in Canada, not a Canadian girlfriend specifically. There were some more specific and dramatic stories and there are a few stories that as an adult I do not know if they are true or were something I made up in my bullshitting phase. They are plausible and I have seemingly very specific memories of what happened, but I think they didn't? And then there are other stories that I had concluded weren't actually true that it turns out totally were as confirmed by other people involved in them.
As a result of my Canadian girlfriend phase, I have a certain amount of sympathy for people who make stuff up because they are desperate to seem more interesting than they actually are and then get caught up in it and get hooked on the high of feeling special and important. I'm grateful that I grew out of that stage of my life, and think it would be exhausting and stressful if I had not. We have never actually confronted the fabulist in our own friend group, because then we would have to stop being friends with her, and for the most part, she's not doing any of us any harm, so it doesn't seem worth it.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:02 AM on May 9, 2022 [13 favorites]
The Finch-esque person in my friend circle was first unmasked when a childhood friend of hers was also added to the friend circle, and was surprised to discover that the Finch-esque person claimed a childhood she knew to be false. As we talked about it, it was clear that she claimed many overlapping childhoods that couldn't plausibly true and if we had all talked about it together that would have been obvious. And if that wasn't enough to prove to me that our Finch-esque person was lying, I later heard from other people about dramatic events involving her AND me that I certainly would have remembered if I had been there.
It's odd, when I was younger, I was definitely inclined to make things up to make myself seem more interesting -- mostly your basic "Canadian girlfriend" level of lying, though of course, as a straight girl in Canada, not a Canadian girlfriend specifically. There were some more specific and dramatic stories and there are a few stories that as an adult I do not know if they are true or were something I made up in my bullshitting phase. They are plausible and I have seemingly very specific memories of what happened, but I think they didn't? And then there are other stories that I had concluded weren't actually true that it turns out totally were as confirmed by other people involved in them.
As a result of my Canadian girlfriend phase, I have a certain amount of sympathy for people who make stuff up because they are desperate to seem more interesting than they actually are and then get caught up in it and get hooked on the high of feeling special and important. I'm grateful that I grew out of that stage of my life, and think it would be exhausting and stressful if I had not. We have never actually confronted the fabulist in our own friend group, because then we would have to stop being friends with her, and for the most part, she's not doing any of us any harm, so it doesn't seem worth it.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:02 AM on May 9, 2022 [13 favorites]
Oh wow, kimberussell, I was super-active in that old thread but didn't remember it at all. Obviously, Finch is very good at listening to other people and collecting all the right details to make her stories sound convincing and relatable for those of us who have actually experienced such things.
posted by hydropsyche at 9:00 AM on May 9, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by hydropsyche at 9:00 AM on May 9, 2022 [1 favorite]
Halloween Jack: Munchausen Syndrome doesn't involve taking details of your wife's life and spinning them into fake stories of your own. Or inventing abuse by your brother leading to making up a suicide that didn't happen. Or buying off your wife's therapist.
posted by hydropsyche at 9:01 AM on May 9, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by hydropsyche at 9:01 AM on May 9, 2022 [4 favorites]
I'm grateful that I grew out of that stage of my life, and think it would be exhausting and stressful if I had not.
I also fabricated some details when I was in my 20s in order to add seasoning to a very plain life, but never on the level of Finch. I used to lie/fib often to hide family drama from my friends and I remember it was terribly exhausting to keep that up. It's somewhat crueler but less taxing on me to just be honest.
I wonder if Finch had some sort of storyboard system going to keep her personal plotline straight.
posted by kimberussell at 9:08 AM on May 9, 2022 [1 favorite]
I also fabricated some details when I was in my 20s in order to add seasoning to a very plain life, but never on the level of Finch. I used to lie/fib often to hide family drama from my friends and I remember it was terribly exhausting to keep that up. It's somewhat crueler but less taxing on me to just be honest.
I wonder if Finch had some sort of storyboard system going to keep her personal plotline straight.
posted by kimberussell at 9:08 AM on May 9, 2022 [1 favorite]
What's so disquieting about this particular story is that she didn't just exploit the kindness of a friends group or charity, with maybe one or two particularly generous people getting hit especially hard. I think that's what you often see in these fake illness stories--and they usually don't let the victims get too close, for fear that they start figuring things out. Rather, she hunted down and cultivated a victim to have in her house, with her kids, even though it obviously risked the "integrity" of her web of lies. And she didn't just hustle the victim for her money and go like a romance scammer, either. It feels like a different flavor of pathology to me.
Also, her scheme had so many easy exits! She wasn't trapped in it, as can often happen.
posted by praemunire at 9:14 AM on May 9, 2022 [7 favorites]
Also, her scheme had so many easy exits! She wasn't trapped in it, as can often happen.
posted by praemunire at 9:14 AM on May 9, 2022 [7 favorites]
I feel concerned about Beyer: if Finch can afford some high-powered lawyers, she might get successful with this custody battle.
There were a number of posts on Twitter last week about this: the world of tv writers is not that big, and a lot of people are expressing horror and hurt.
posted by suelac at 10:30 AM on May 9, 2022 [4 favorites]
There were a number of posts on Twitter last week about this: the world of tv writers is not that big, and a lot of people are expressing horror and hurt.
posted by suelac at 10:30 AM on May 9, 2022 [4 favorites]
Another feature of this - "I'm a badass*" culture. Like, a lot of the stuff in the first part of this article sounds like bragging. One would not be so impolite as to tell someone with cancer to stop bragging about how tough and quirkily awesome they are, but of course there's a huge market for inspirational badass-woman stories that are basically self-centered boasting only it's supposed to be inspiring and norm-breaking since women are not supposed to celebrate themselves, etc**. It's basically commercially-viable "feminism", the 2020s version of girl power and these lies wouldn't be nearly as successful in the TV-development world except for the radically individualistic go-girl corporate mentality.
*"Badass" is probably my least favorite word other than words like "abuse" and "drone-bombing". I like it less than "moist".
**Frankly I'd rather have everyone celebrate themselves a little less - a lot less about affluent white straight cis men, a little less about everyone else - rather than a celebrate-ourselves arms race.
posted by Frowner at 12:12 PM on May 9, 2022 [11 favorites]
*"Badass" is probably my least favorite word other than words like "abuse" and "drone-bombing". I like it less than "moist".
**Frankly I'd rather have everyone celebrate themselves a little less - a lot less about affluent white straight cis men, a little less about everyone else - rather than a celebrate-ourselves arms race.
posted by Frowner at 12:12 PM on May 9, 2022 [11 favorites]
Frowner, I've stopped discussing personal medical stuff here on metafilter out of a fear that I'm calling too much attention to myself, or that someone might wonder if I'm exaggerating, and your comment is proof that someone actually does feel that way and in the most uncharitable way possible.
It's true that so many personal stories of extensive medical stuff end up feeling a little too pat, and that's largely because the stories we tell come specifically from the highlight reel, the 10% of the story that's not staying up all night barfing or chasing down my weird vampire dog when she's stolen another bloodclotted bandage or when I was just sitting slackjawed in front of the tv in between endless treatments. No one wants to hear that 90% of the story.
A friend of my mother's -- this friend is a woman I've never met -- sends over handpainted rocks and lovingly stitched trinkets that say things like COURAGE and HOPE on them. And it's sweet, she means well, and while it occasionally feels a little reminiscent of the whole machine you speak of -- the one of girlpower and corporate-branded empowerment -- she's legitimately trying to make a connection and these are the tools she has. I don't need a river stone that says COURAGE on it, but I'm grateful that she's been thinking of me.
Finch's stories lack authenticity in a few ways that in hindsight feel telltale: There's a line in the article where people, even other cancer survivors, suggest an emotional storyline and Finch shuts it down because she stakes her claim as the expert on how a cancer patient would feel... That feels like a pretty big tell. Anyone who's been part the medical machine for a significant length of time would recognize that people have all sorts of emotional reactions to this stuff, and all of them make sense, and none of them make sense, and we just have to do what we do to get through our day.
But Finch also makes a mistake in suggest that all of this, any of this, wraps up as neatly as a TV plotline. Hospitals are packed with inconclusive tests, millions of cases of wait-and-see. I have a very clearly defined medical issue but I've been misdiagnosed more times that I can even count. A doctor once told me I had maybe 30 years before hitting end-stage kidney failure. I had three. There was no confrontation, just a shrug. The story where she went to confront a doctor and imagined some sense of justice or remorse? Pure fantasy.
The reality of having a medically intensive life that's been more than a little similar to the one Finch wholly invented is that there's shockingly little drama. Back when I was able to work, I would show up a greenish and disheveled from a morning spent barfing in the lilac bushes on the way to my car, but there were no hushed confrontations with my coworkers. There were no dire hospital scenes or regular bouts of tearful or emotional catharsis. Surgeries become rote and you lose count of them. There's a lot of waiting. You sign a lot of consent forms for strange, invasive things that seemed unfathomable to you when you were healthy.
But there are lessons to be had here, and I'm writing it down because I think someone can benefit from them and I'm certain I can benefit from writing it, too. If you're interested in hearing a real personal story instead of coolly dismissing something I genuinely hope you'll never have to experience, I'd be happy to share it with you.
posted by mochapickle at 1:48 PM on May 9, 2022 [30 favorites]
It's true that so many personal stories of extensive medical stuff end up feeling a little too pat, and that's largely because the stories we tell come specifically from the highlight reel, the 10% of the story that's not staying up all night barfing or chasing down my weird vampire dog when she's stolen another bloodclotted bandage or when I was just sitting slackjawed in front of the tv in between endless treatments. No one wants to hear that 90% of the story.
A friend of my mother's -- this friend is a woman I've never met -- sends over handpainted rocks and lovingly stitched trinkets that say things like COURAGE and HOPE on them. And it's sweet, she means well, and while it occasionally feels a little reminiscent of the whole machine you speak of -- the one of girlpower and corporate-branded empowerment -- she's legitimately trying to make a connection and these are the tools she has. I don't need a river stone that says COURAGE on it, but I'm grateful that she's been thinking of me.
Finch's stories lack authenticity in a few ways that in hindsight feel telltale: There's a line in the article where people, even other cancer survivors, suggest an emotional storyline and Finch shuts it down because she stakes her claim as the expert on how a cancer patient would feel... That feels like a pretty big tell. Anyone who's been part the medical machine for a significant length of time would recognize that people have all sorts of emotional reactions to this stuff, and all of them make sense, and none of them make sense, and we just have to do what we do to get through our day.
But Finch also makes a mistake in suggest that all of this, any of this, wraps up as neatly as a TV plotline. Hospitals are packed with inconclusive tests, millions of cases of wait-and-see. I have a very clearly defined medical issue but I've been misdiagnosed more times that I can even count. A doctor once told me I had maybe 30 years before hitting end-stage kidney failure. I had three. There was no confrontation, just a shrug. The story where she went to confront a doctor and imagined some sense of justice or remorse? Pure fantasy.
The reality of having a medically intensive life that's been more than a little similar to the one Finch wholly invented is that there's shockingly little drama. Back when I was able to work, I would show up a greenish and disheveled from a morning spent barfing in the lilac bushes on the way to my car, but there were no hushed confrontations with my coworkers. There were no dire hospital scenes or regular bouts of tearful or emotional catharsis. Surgeries become rote and you lose count of them. There's a lot of waiting. You sign a lot of consent forms for strange, invasive things that seemed unfathomable to you when you were healthy.
But there are lessons to be had here, and I'm writing it down because I think someone can benefit from them and I'm certain I can benefit from writing it, too. If you're interested in hearing a real personal story instead of coolly dismissing something I genuinely hope you'll never have to experience, I'd be happy to share it with you.
posted by mochapickle at 1:48 PM on May 9, 2022 [30 favorites]
Back when I was able to work, I would show up a greenish and disheveled from a morning spent barfing in the lilac bushes on the way to my car, but there were no hushed confrontations with my coworkers.
Finch was operating in a world where these stories were both currency and method. Which just goes to show--it's both necessary and good to build workplaces that are much more supportive of people struggling with personal challenges. But you have to understand that there are still some people who will take advantage of that, and plan for how to deal with it, or to resign yourself to the costs of not dealing with it. This is something I think a lot of people of goodwill don't realize until they're in it. (Whereas, e.g., if you've spent time living or working in a (old-school) co-op, for example, you know that embracing the dignity of labor doesn't mean that you'll have no slackers...)
posted by praemunire at 2:16 PM on May 9, 2022 [1 favorite]
Finch was operating in a world where these stories were both currency and method. Which just goes to show--it's both necessary and good to build workplaces that are much more supportive of people struggling with personal challenges. But you have to understand that there are still some people who will take advantage of that, and plan for how to deal with it, or to resign yourself to the costs of not dealing with it. This is something I think a lot of people of goodwill don't realize until they're in it. (Whereas, e.g., if you've spent time living or working in a (old-school) co-op, for example, you know that embracing the dignity of labor doesn't mean that you'll have no slackers...)
posted by praemunire at 2:16 PM on May 9, 2022 [1 favorite]
Ah, I see what you mean. My point with the workplace comment was that in medical dramas like Grey's and in so many Lifetime movies, there's often a scene where the sick protagonist gets called out by coworkers and there's a tearful scene where the protagonist eventually has to admit that they're truly ill and life will change. There's usually some tinkly piano to go with it, and if the production team is really going for it: falling leaves. I had no such scene. Finch grabbed that trope and created her own storyline where she was the plucky cancer patient devoted to her work and therefore indispensable. You're absolutely right that other workplaces might have very quickly left her behind.
In my case, I had a boss who enjoyed trying to fire everyone agnostic of their health status, and thanks to my doctor who swore things couldn't go downhill so quickly, I was chalking the barfing up to anxiety at the time.
posted by mochapickle at 2:34 PM on May 9, 2022 [2 favorites]
In my case, I had a boss who enjoyed trying to fire everyone agnostic of their health status, and thanks to my doctor who swore things couldn't go downhill so quickly, I was chalking the barfing up to anxiety at the time.
posted by mochapickle at 2:34 PM on May 9, 2022 [2 favorites]
Reading the original article--what kind of doctor was she supposed to have there that was treating her wrong? I'm asking because it seemed like this was supposed to be a surgeon... And has anyone ever had a surgeon prescribe them an antidepressant? I'm not sure that surgeons know that medications exist, much less suggest certain ones, but maybe I went to the wrong surgeons.
That seems to be a tell that she was telling her audience what they wanted to hear, not what actually happened.
posted by kingdead at 2:45 PM on May 9, 2022
That seems to be a tell that she was telling her audience what they wanted to hear, not what actually happened.
posted by kingdead at 2:45 PM on May 9, 2022
Frowner, I've stopped discussing personal medical stuff here on metafilter out of a fear that I'm calling too much attention to myself, or that someone might wonder if I'm exaggerating, and your comment is proof that someone actually does feel that way and in the most uncharitable way possible.
No, the whole point of Finch's stories is that they are all "look how tough I am, I'm too tough for my own good, I'm here in the writers room vomiting and refusing to go home, I love this work so much that it overrides my symptoms, I live alone even when it imperils me because I'm too tough for my own good ha ha" and I think that does a huge disservice to people who are actually sick. It suggests that the "inspirational" way to be sick is to sit there in the writers' room vomiting and crying while doing groundbreaking work and refusing to go home. The whole American narrative of illness is that the good patient is visibly sick (so we know they aren't faking!) but also visibly productive even when it costs them, except it doesn't really cost them because life is a TV script.
The issue is the idea that you really can fake-tough snappy-dialogue your way through a series of life-threatening situations while also writing wildly successful TV scripts and making a ton of money. This would not seem nearly as plausible to an internet audience except that we're all so sold on the idea that the best and most inspirational people all badass their way through cancer, abuse and isolation.
I mean, I've had a couple of bouts of serious illness myself and currently have a kind of life-altering medical condition, my mother died after over a decade of increasingly severe illness and my brother has long covid, and it was not snappy, not one bit.
posted by Frowner at 3:01 PM on May 9, 2022 [7 favorites]
Another feature of this - "I'm a badass" culture. Like, a lot of the stuff in the first part of this article sounds like bragging.
You're right. I can't stop thinking of how in one of her emails to her coworkers, she said "I'm not a delicate flower." Fuckin' ... it reminded me of how I tried to act about death when I was a small child. Like I wasn't afraid of it, because tough guys in games and movies weren't.
posted by Countess Elena at 3:03 PM on May 9, 2022 [1 favorite]
You're right. I can't stop thinking of how in one of her emails to her coworkers, she said "I'm not a delicate flower." Fuckin' ... it reminded me of how I tried to act about death when I was a small child. Like I wasn't afraid of it, because tough guys in games and movies weren't.
posted by Countess Elena at 3:03 PM on May 9, 2022 [1 favorite]
Except that's not what you said, Frowner. Your comment was about the prevalence of self-centered boasting accounts of medical experiences and your general distaste for people celebrating themselves**, and about the widespread cultural craving for and available marketable stream of "badass" women's medical stories.
And Finch absolutely played into that culture, and she did it for fame and for money and for connections and for attention and, well, for who knows what kind of twisted psychological need she had and has. I have a crisp dollar that says she'll make money off of this story somehow, whether it's a book or rights to a miniseries, just like Delvey.
I didn't tell a lot of people about my situation and I didn't make appearances because I was mortified by how awful I looked and felt, but I'd get funny-snappy and pitch-black talking about it, because that's just how I dealt with things, personally. And I'm still here, as much to my own surprise than anyone else's. So yeah, I'm going to celebrate that and also celebrate everything it took to get here. And then I'm going to celebrate some more. Not less.
Finch aside, since we're both intimately aware of how difficult and personal medical experiences can be, I'm sure you'd agree that the last thing we should be doing is policing what we deem to be appropriate behavior for everyday people who are just trying to make it through another dialysis treatment or a round of chemo.
posted by mochapickle at 3:32 PM on May 9, 2022 [9 favorites]
And Finch absolutely played into that culture, and she did it for fame and for money and for connections and for attention and, well, for who knows what kind of twisted psychological need she had and has. I have a crisp dollar that says she'll make money off of this story somehow, whether it's a book or rights to a miniseries, just like Delvey.
I didn't tell a lot of people about my situation and I didn't make appearances because I was mortified by how awful I looked and felt, but I'd get funny-snappy and pitch-black talking about it, because that's just how I dealt with things, personally. And I'm still here, as much to my own surprise than anyone else's. So yeah, I'm going to celebrate that and also celebrate everything it took to get here. And then I'm going to celebrate some more. Not less.
Finch aside, since we're both intimately aware of how difficult and personal medical experiences can be, I'm sure you'd agree that the last thing we should be doing is policing what we deem to be appropriate behavior for everyday people who are just trying to make it through another dialysis treatment or a round of chemo.
posted by mochapickle at 3:32 PM on May 9, 2022 [9 favorites]
Mochapickle, what if we assumed that we would probably not be in disagreement if we were actually talking and had enough time/conversational cues to really draw out what we're talking about? I don't feel like I'm criticizing what you're feeling criticized for, but I've had a really tough day, my brain feels burnt, and every time I try to write an actual response I can tell that it isn't going to help.
posted by Frowner at 3:57 PM on May 9, 2022 [11 favorites]
posted by Frowner at 3:57 PM on May 9, 2022 [11 favorites]
Fair enough. I was just pretty shocked and genuinely confused by the sentiment of the comment.
I hope you’re okay. Be well.
posted by mochapickle at 3:59 PM on May 9, 2022 [7 favorites]
I hope you’re okay. Be well.
posted by mochapickle at 3:59 PM on May 9, 2022 [7 favorites]
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posted by hydropsyche at 4:54 AM on May 9, 2022 [2 favorites]