"They stole my turbomolecular vacuum pumps for my fusion reactor!”

August 18, 2022 6:00 AM

Editor and writer Max Read investigates the wild story of the man who bought Pine Bluff, Arkansas.

{HN comment that started it all}

posted by Ten Cold Hot Dogs (31 comments total)

Christ, what an asshole.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 6:14 AM on August 18, 2022 [3 favorites]

I was entirely unsurpised to find the clause "After separating from his wife" in there; among other foibles, this guy radiates divorced dad energy in all directions.
posted by Earthtopus at 6:34 AM on August 18, 2022 [11 favorites]

Pine Bluff, AR: We have Elon Musk at home.
posted by acb at 6:37 AM on August 18, 2022 [15 favorites]

I used to work with someone during the great recession who was absolutely obsessed with Detroit's economic woes to a degree which can only be described as pornographic. He'd talk about the fires, the lawlessness, and the desperation with glee and then fantasize about buying a bunch of cheap property to create some sort of startup. He never said what that startup would do, but he did spend a disturbing amount of time sharing how he'd secure his buildings against roving bands of scrappers.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 6:37 AM on August 18, 2022 [4 favorites]

Imagine how exhausting and frustrating it must be to be in this guy's orbit. It would be one thing if he were young and unencumbered, but dude has kids for whom he's responsible, and he's buying essentially-worthless (probably worse-than-worthless) properties at auction instead of keeping up his end of the child-rearing bargain.

"Everything they’re saying about Pine Bluff now they were saying about New York in the ‘80s! And I sure wish I could have bought some real estate in New York in the 80s!"

On the one hand, this is true (They Might Be Giants tell a story about turning down the opportunity to buy their Park Slope apartment building with their record contract money, which would have been an incredible investment), but also Pine Bluff, AR is not, and will never be, under any circumstance imaginable, New York City.
posted by uncleozzy at 6:43 AM on August 18, 2022 [6 favorites]

Just to be clear, he didn't buy the whole town; the Pine Bluff area has a population of about 100,000, and the comment in HN that "Pine Bluff's population has declined by 50% over the last few decades" is a ludicrous exaggeration. (Pine Bluff proper has gone from a high of 57,400 in 1970 to 41,253 now, and that's not good, but it's not that bad.) It's still kind of funny in a sort of The Mosquito Coast-in-flyover-country, tech-bro-gets-his-comeuppance, too-bad-for-his-kids-but-hopefully-they'll-learn-from-their-dad's-folly way. This video, in which he notes (amid his dismay at getting ripped off) that the thieves who broke into his storage containers didn't even bother with the CDs and vinyl that he got when he bought Murfie, kind of sums up his whole thing.
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:56 AM on August 18, 2022 [2 favorites]

I used to have to go to Pine Bluff and White Hall to see a specialist that my insurance would cover. Arkansas, as country, can be a beautiful place, but you don't get any evidence of that in Pine Bluff. It has pines, and also a bluff. That's how it goes. The poverty was heartbreaking, but also endemic in the Mississippi Delta, which is not far off. We would always end up turning around to leave by the Tyson plant, a place that gave me shivers because of the way Tyson employees are treated.

There are some nice shops and whatnot, but the idea of having a hotel that has "rooftop parties and a penthouse" is ... no. It -- no. How about addressing the generational poverty that led to the thievery and ... oh, he's already fucked off back to Utah? Fine.
posted by Countess Elena at 7:11 AM on August 18, 2022 [7 favorites]

Pine Bluff is (or was when I was last there 15 years ago) doing better than a lot of other places in Arkansas. Most of the small towns that aren't near Little Rock, Fort Smith, or the Fayetteville/Bentonville axis are straight up dying, and a hell of a lot quicker than PB.

I went down there to quote a phone system to a law firm. Didn't look like much on the outside, but inside it was the most delightful 60s design. Lots of stone and plants. I was surprised they didn't have a water feature.
posted by wierdo at 7:21 AM on August 18, 2022 [2 favorites]

I want to point out this reply on HN, which is worth quoting in full:

"Do you share a username between HN and Twitter? Because somebody with your username on Twitter has been publicly talking about holding somebody at gunpoint in Pine Bluff, Arkansas earlier today(1), and has in the past advertised (2) a website with the tagline of “Matching vigilantes with victims for justice and profit “ (3)

1. https://twitter.com/pontifier/status/1559001472746098693?s=2...

2. https://twitter.com/oriwa_/status/1559042188608405505?s=21&t...

and

https://twitter.com/pontifier/status/1538230779658002432?s=2...

3. https://www.bensforbars.com
posted by splitpeasoup at 7:24 AM on August 18, 2022 [6 favorites]

(And yes, it is the same person.)
posted by splitpeasoup at 7:25 AM on August 18, 2022 [3 favorites]

It's all so.... Crazy...

'Fenley has a longstanding interest in nuclear fusion, a full narration of which is probably beyond the scope of this newsletter, except to say that Fenley has come up with his own, unique, fusion reactor design, detailed on this website. “I came up with a design and started running some simulations did some math, and I can't see where it goes wrong,” he told me. “Maybe somebody else can. But it almost is like a white elephant. It's almost like this warehouse. It's, like, this beautiful thing. It's beautiful. And if it works, it's fantastic, you know, but I can't quite make it work. And I can't convince anybody else that it's a good idea. But I still can't drop it.”'
posted by kaibutsu at 7:47 AM on August 18, 2022

Oh, I have to quote the HN thread after he admits to the vigilantism:

r0b05 3 days ago | next [–]

You are not having a good time there are you? This is how people turn into Batman.
reply


paulcole 3 days ago | parent | next [–]

This is so offensive to Batman.

posted by Halloween Jack at 8:04 AM on August 18, 2022 [2 favorites]

I guess he doesn't know that you can buy a city official with only a nice dinner and some alcohol.
posted by jabah at 8:06 AM on August 18, 2022 [3 favorites]

Yikes. If you're not sure whether this is someone who is just peculiar, or someone who is having a bad time, or someone who is Probably Not Okay, that vigilante biz thing will clear that right up for you.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:13 AM on August 18, 2022 [1 favorite]

“I saw some statistics,” he said on the phone. “And I was like, ‘Oh, well, I have one in X number of chance of being robbed each year or something.’ Right? Yeah. But that's on average, and well, I'm a huge target. I didn't really take that into account, I guess.”

This is such a incredible microcosm of Hacker News Brain, I'm truly in awe.
posted by wesleyac at 9:10 AM on August 18, 2022 [9 favorites]

hotel that has "rooftop parties and a penthouse"

Speaking as a former long-term Pine Bluff resident, allow me to just say HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA (continued on next website)
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 9:36 AM on August 18, 2022 [8 favorites]

Man buys an empty warehouse for a low price. Man fails to understand the requirements and processes to secure appropriate use and occupancy permits. Man yells at the city when they won't just ignore the law will require him to actually follow it since he now wants to convert the warehouse into a mixed use facility featuring a workshop/maker space, go carts, residential apartments/artist lofts, etc. Man then buys a number of other properties at tax auctions in the town. Instead of seeking out professional advice the man then goes on the internet and complains to other mostly white men about the evil government.
posted by interogative mood at 10:07 AM on August 18, 2022 [1 favorite]

Very entertaining. At least the city got those back taxes paid, and it looks like they could use the money, so overall a win!

Also, having been to small towns like this as someone who looked, from a certain angle, like someone who might have money to invest, I cannot emphasize enough how difficult you would have to be to get anything other than whatever you ask for from local government!
posted by atrazine at 10:32 AM on August 18, 2022 [2 favorites]

I guess he doesn't know that you can buy a city official with only a nice dinner and some alcohol.

Listen to the hearings with city officials and read the transcripts. . They are bending over backwards to explain what he needs to do and he just won't. Instead he keeps trying to DIY the thing and find loopholes in the building code that will let him turn the power on and start living there full time.

This is a huge building its a 220,000 square foot former factory. It has serious problems like mold and god knows what other environmental issues lurk in the old factory like asbestos. He's going to need tens of millions of dollars to do what he's described. Even a minimal set of repairs to make it a usable building is a $10 million dollar project -- assuming you could do it for under $50/square foot. That's probably not a realistic cost per square foot in today's world, especially with mold and god knows what else. It might be $50/squarefoot to knock it down at this point -- probably is given the fact that it was so cheap.

As they noted at one of the meetings:

You'll have to get a sprinkler system. Get it green tagged, have to get all exit lights, lighted exits, emergency lights, all fire extinguishers, every exit door is working, all doors are working and stuff like that. your interior you know has to be completely re-done everything all that mold n' stuff that's just to do what you want to do.

At another point he seems to expect that the fire marshal would simply give him a list of everything in writing that needs to be fixed based on a cursory, courtesy inspection of the building. As if he wouldn't need to have actual plans signed off by an engineer, the inspector's signature on the plans. No he'd just make a final punch list fix a couple doors and loose wiring and be done.
posted by interogative mood at 11:23 AM on August 18, 2022 [3 favorites]

11:09 I talk about getting the place ready for my kids to join me here.
11:57 Mitsy ruth and Department of child services told me my kids couldn't be here
12:31 Mayor asks about bathroom facilities.
12:53 I express that it wasn't worse than camping

Love to bring my kids into a crumbling, asbestos-ridden, 5-acre building with no water or power. Just like camping!
posted by uncleozzy at 11:54 AM on August 18, 2022 [6 favorites]

Also, having been to small towns like this as someone who looked, from a certain angle, like someone who might have money to invest, I cannot emphasize enough how difficult you would have to be to get anything other than whatever you ask for from local government!

well, first, the local government and power elite would like to know how many jobs you were bringing to the area - any decent amount would get a lot of cooperation

the guy didn't say one word about that, did he?
posted by pyramid termite at 1:55 PM on August 18, 2022 [1 favorite]

*searches interogative mood's link for "job" and "employ", finds nothing*

you don't show up to a small city like that empty handed - you've got to sell to them
posted by pyramid termite at 2:01 PM on August 18, 2022 [1 favorite]

Jobs help, but money is usually enough if you're willing to put in even the smallest amount of effort to not look like an aggressively uninformed idiot. They will not abide weaponized incompetence, however. Folks are usually happy to help you fix issues with permits, bend over backwards to change zoning or issue conditional use permits or whatever else if you aren't acting like a total asshat.

They don't want derelict buildings sitting around. They want to help you help them. They will hold your hand. Offer up enough tax revenue or employment, they might even help you do what needs to be done just like they would for Walmart. But you have to at least act like you're a serious person.
posted by wierdo at 2:07 PM on August 18, 2022 [1 favorite]

'Fenley has a longstanding interest in nuclear fusion, a full narration of which is probably beyond the scope of this newsletter, except to say that Fenley has come up with his own, unique, fusion reactor design, detailed on this website. “I came up with a design and started running some simulations did some math, and I can't see where it goes wrong,” he told me. “Maybe somebody else can. But it almost is like a white elephant. It's almost like this warehouse. It's, like, this beautiful thing. It's beautiful. And if it works, it's fantastic, you know, but I can't quite make it work. And I can't convince anybody else that it's a good idea. But I still can't drop it.”'

Having interacted with folks like this as a physicist, if I've got his type right, he's the kind of person (surprise, this sort of person is overwhelmingly likely to be a white man) who thinks that the Universe (and local governments, apparently) work in a certain way—coincidentally, a way that seems easy and logical to him—and everybody else is getting it all wrong by making it needlessly complicated, either because other people just not as smart as him, or because they are maliciously trying to keep power for themselves.

The usual sign used to be long, typewritten letters with idiosyncratic forms of emphasis, often involving multiple underlines with different colors of ink, but the digital age has largely eradicated these charming physical artefacts and replaced them with rambly emails.
posted by BrashTech at 2:26 PM on August 18, 2022 [12 favorites]

I had a friend who ran the bylaw operation in our city for a while. He showed me some of the letters they'd saved from various folks like this. They were especially fond of the ones written in crayon. It's clearly much easier to just get another sheet of paper than it is to invest in a ballpoint pen.
posted by sneebler at 3:45 PM on August 18, 2022 [1 favorite]

I request that those making comments about this being some story about small town politics or corruption please provide some actual evidence that this is happening here. His own transcripts and recordings with local officials show that local officials are bending over backwards to explain to him very basic and ordinary things he needs to do to secure the permits he needs. Rather than comply with those things he’s trying to argue that he knows the IBC better than they do. He comes across like one of those Sovereign Citizen fanatics arguing with an actual judge or lawyer.
posted by interogative mood at 9:04 PM on August 18, 2022 [2 favorites]

Cntl +f "international paper" not found

I've only been to pine bluff a couple of times, but if it's anything like Bogalusa, or Donaldsonville, the town is run by the mill, and the mill is run like a local mafia. Anytime anyone threatens to tax or regulate the mill, the mill threatens to leave. Eventually the mill just realizes they can hold the town hostage.

The feds won't regulate paper, they threaten to leave to Brazil.

The town just gets lost in the shuffle of extraction, and the stench of air pollution.
posted by eustatic at 12:10 AM on August 19, 2022 [2 favorites]

Cntl +f "international paper" not found

they're owned by pactiv evergreen, international paper sold the mill around 2006 (i worked for evergreen elsewhere)

they don't quite employ enough people to run a town the size of pine bluff - perhaps in collusion with other businesses they might control the town
posted by pyramid termite at 3:31 AM on August 19, 2022

I don't quite get the hate for this guy, but maybe I am a similar kind of fool, although on a much smaller scale.

I bought a cool old building in a depressed area last year, after going through a divorce, so I guess I radiate divorced dad energy as well, but I'm actually enjoying myself. I have a livable space and a great workshop downstairs.

Here are tips for others, based on my own experience, and my observation of others , like this guy:
1) Have a reason to be in the area besides cheap real estate. In my case, I have present and past family connections.
2) Get along with people.
3) Things are the way they are in places because of very complicated reasons that an outsider cannot possibly understand. You won't change anything by being obnoxious at planning meetings.
4) Do your due diligence. Don't buy from afar. Use a local agent. Talk to locals before you buy, and get a feel for what kinds of uses would be welcome.
posted by Maxwell's demon at 6:32 AM on August 19, 2022 [3 favorites]

the stench of air pollution

For those of you fortunate enough not to live near a paper mill, the general tenor of the odor can best be described as "mildly malted battery acid".
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:56 PM on August 19, 2022

The packaging company / paper mill is located outside of town as far as I can tell. The major employers in town are a Tysons Foods plant, a Casino, the US Army, Union Pacific Rail Road, a university, a state prison, a regional health center, the school district, a manufacturer of electrical transformers and of course Walmart. Thanks some ADHD hyper focus I’ve now learned a lot about this small city in Arkansas. I’m sure this will be not at all useful ever again, but who knows.

I also found the building in question through tax records. This is a metal building constructed as a factory in the early 1970s. Now sit down because this is mildly amusing. The factory factory made the parts to make metal buildings. Then in the early 2000s the building and its adjacent structures and parking lot were sold off to another company that seems to make batteries. It was sold for $3.4 million dollars. Then the current buyer bought it over a decade later for $300,000. This raises a bunch of questions about what happened in that decade to make it worth so much less. Perhaps the other company bought the building and equipment and then proceeded to sell and scrap all the valuable stuff leaving behind the rusty shell one can see on the the satellite photos today.

Loooking at the building it is in rough shape. It doesn’t seem to have any particular location or architectural character that would make it an interesting restoration project or conversion to something else. I don’t think living or doing art in a big metal building next to active rail road tracks where freight trains are going past will be a particularly attractive sell.

If the city is engaged in any shenanigans in terms of dragging their feet on permits or making it hard for him it is probably because this is a large parcel of industrial land that he wants to turn into something else. I suspect they would much prefer that some big employer come in and put the land back in use as a factory.
posted by interogative mood at 10:34 PM on August 19, 2022 [1 favorite]