Mariah Carey 'Queen of Christmas' trademark attempt prompts backlash

September 9, 2022 3:56 PM

A dispute has broken out over which US pop singer can lay claim to the title Queen of Christmas after Mariah Carey attempted to trademark it.
posted by Etrigan (49 comments total)

Hey, all I know is, there is no other song by any other artist that is used by its annual bump up in online requests than All I Want Is You is used to show when the communal "Holiday Spirit" has begun amongst the general populace. I don't care about titles, but it's a fucking jam that Carey wrote that song, which feels like it's been around since before Dickens was a child.
posted by hippybear at 4:14 PM on September 9, 2022 [18 favorites]

Between this and the Don't Worry Darling stuff, I'm actually secretly delighted that we are getting back to ridiculous tempests in teapots again.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:18 PM on September 9, 2022 [16 favorites]

Silly season already is it? I'd've thought the BBC has other things to report on these days. Of course my first instinct is to dive into the layers of the story to try to figure out what's really going on and if a couple people I've never heard about are throwing press releases into the entertainment media to bump their image.

I have to thank Fortune Magazine for going beyond the fluff to link to some actual interesting details: a listing of all trademark applications submitted to the USPTO from "Lotion, LLC". I'm most curious about BUILD A BRA but if a person wanted to complain FESTIVE and MC are both ripe for yelling "why does she get to own a word" to generate clickbait.

Anyway here's the actual (year-and-a-half old) application for QUEEN OF CHRISTMAS. Going too far? You decide!

Mark For: QUEEN OF CHRISTMAS™ trademark registration is intended to cover the categories of fragrances for personal use, fragranced products, namely, perfume, eau de parfum; scented products, namely, body lotions; cosmetics; non-medicated skin care preparations; make-up; spa items, namely, massage oils, aromatherapy products in the nature of aromatherapy sprays comprised of essential oils, lotions for cosmetic purposes, body creams; hair care preparations; nail polish. [all]

posted by traveler_ at 4:22 PM on September 9, 2022 [2 favorites]

I would buy some Queen Of Christmas nail polish but only if it came in a color I really needed and I had the right party to attend.
posted by hippybear at 4:24 PM on September 9, 2022 [4 favorites]

Who owns “Christ of Queenmas?”
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:32 PM on September 9, 2022 [9 favorites]

i thought christ of queenmas moved to brooklyn
posted by pyramid termite at 4:42 PM on September 9, 2022 [4 favorites]

Have 'em slug it out. Sell tickets and raise money for charity.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 5:37 PM on September 9, 2022 [1 favorite]

Ridiculous. Everybody knows Lucy is the Christmas Queen.
posted by Rash at 5:42 PM on September 9, 2022 [8 favorites]

She said all she wanted for Christmas was you, but...
posted by johnabbe at 6:27 PM on September 9, 2022 [3 favorites]

The Civil War On Christmas
posted by BungaDunga at 6:47 PM on September 9, 2022 [3 favorites]

Reason eleven million on why I hate Christmas "music".
posted by pthomas745 at 7:02 PM on September 9, 2022

I would buy some Queen Of Christmas nail polish but only if it came in a color I really needed and I had the right party to attend.

I'm guessing, mayyybeee...a Christmas party?
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:05 PM on September 9, 2022

Um... not necessarily. I've been known to wear nail polish for all kinds of occasions, even if it is a bit weird for a 54 year old white guy.
posted by hippybear at 8:09 PM on September 9, 2022

Nail polish is a must for my cousin's son, age 6. He also likes wearing skirts. This hasn't been a problem in school or with family; living in Portland likely helps. Sometimes, I think the future will be ok.
posted by traveler_ at 8:18 PM on September 9, 2022 [3 favorites]

So that's how it is, eh? Namespace landgrabbage ahoy! Bagsy Prince Of Michaelmas! I'll get right round to doing something with it the minute I wiki up what Michaelmas actually is... probably. OTOH I will grant that MC perhaps has a marginally stronger claim to her title than I do mine. This Prince is gracious like that (insert halo emoji here)
posted by I'm always feeling, Blue at 9:00 PM on September 9, 2022 [3 favorites]

I would buy some Queen Of Christmas nail polish but only if it came in a color I really needed and I had the right party to attend.

I'm guessing, mayyybeee...a Christmas party?

Um... not necessarily.

So you'd use "Queen of Christmas" products for non-Christmas related events? Isn't that, like illegal or something?? There are serious philosophical and licensing issues involved here.

OTOH maybe I've stretched this tissue-thin premise further than it can feasibly go so I should just drop it now
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:30 PM on September 9, 2022

Mariah is a variant of Maria / Mary, who is definitely the Queen of Christmas.

Ain't nobody but my mama gets to be queen of my birthday.
posted by straight at 12:46 AM on September 10, 2022 [3 favorites]

I'm actually friends with Boris the blue-beak penguin, I helped fixed the GPS on the Queen's penguin powered flying galleon. He's busy with his workplace harassment case against the other penguins, they called him names and wouldn't let them join their penguin games.

He was grabbing a sardine sub at Queen Antarcticlaus' bodega when she got this news. She said if Mariah wants to stop the flying sharks from eating children every fucking night of the year, the job is hers. Her only night off is when her ex has custody, that's the only queen-time she gets, that's why she's Queen of Christmas. They only remember the toys though, they never remember not being eaten by flying sharks.
posted by adept256 at 2:10 AM on September 10, 2022 [4 favorites]

Have 'em slug it out. Sell tickets and raise money for charity.

I read this as "have 'em sing it out", and you know what, that wouldn't be a bad idea.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:15 AM on September 10, 2022 [1 favorite]

"Hey, all I know is, there is no other song by any other artist that is used by its annual bump up in online requests than All I Want Is You is used to show when the communal "Holiday Spirit" has begun amongst the general populace."

Except for listeners in the United Kingdom....
posted by ewan at 4:33 AM on September 10, 2022 [5 favorites]

They only remember the toys though, they never remember not being eaten by flying sharks.

Someone call Rankin-Bass. This holiday special needs to me made.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 5:23 AM on September 10, 2022 [1 favorite]

I would buy some Queen Of Christmas nail polish but only if it came in a color I really needed and I had the right party to attend.

I'm guessing, mayyybeee...a Christmas party?

Or any soirée at Nakitomi Plaza.
posted by TedW at 5:36 AM on September 10, 2022 [3 favorites]

Xmas has a pretty long tradition of being really, really weird. I hope Carey is indeed crowned Queen of Xmas, just to keep the weird traditions moving right along.
posted by SoberHighland at 6:29 AM on September 10, 2022

I'm a huge fan of Darlene Love, but if it wasn't trademarked and Carey is attempting to trademark it, there's no denying she has a claim. Maybe the classy thing to do, since Love is 81, is just to forge ahead with the process but let her use it anyway, as long as she has left.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 6:59 AM on September 10, 2022

Mariah Carey wrote the only new Christmas standard in like thirty years (hat tip to George Michael and Donny Hathaway, but Paul McCartney gets a lump of coal in his stocking), and if she wants to be the Queen of Christmas, I say give her the crown.
posted by box at 7:00 AM on September 10, 2022 [3 favorites]

In case you haven't already encountered this fever dream. Merry Christmas...?
posted by xedrik at 7:45 AM on September 10, 2022

Xmas has a pretty long tradition of being really, really weird. I hope Carey is indeed crowned Queen of Xmas, just to keep the weird traditions moving right along.

I loathe this song only slightly less than Paul McCartney's Yuletide atrocity... but you make an excellent point.

Crowning Mariah Carey queen of anything makes as much sense as stuffing candy into your socks, or Elf on the Shelf, or everyone sitting down to watch Donald Duck cartoons, or making a giant goat out of straw and then trying to defend it from increasingly creative arsonists, or putting a horse skull on your head and challenging people to a rhyming contest.
posted by Foosnark at 9:34 AM on September 10, 2022 [3 favorites]

Even if this trademark doesn’t work out, I hear there’s a new queen gig that’s opened up.
posted by Apocryphon at 9:58 AM on September 10, 2022 [2 favorites]

I want to wear my nailpolish to Foosnark's party!
posted by hippybear at 9:58 AM on September 10, 2022 [4 favorites]

Shoot, a fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.
posted by Etrigan at 10:38 AM on September 10, 2022

I loathe this song. It's banal Walter Affanasieff schmaltz, only in a patronisingly plastic cod-Motown register, and worst of all is as catchy and earwormy as anything ABBA ever put out, so good luck getting it out of your head once you've heard a snippet. It's one of the worst things about December, and I say that living where it gets dark at 3pm then.
posted by acb at 3:27 PM on September 10, 2022 [1 favorite]

so this nail polish. Green with red sparkles or red with green sparkles?
posted by Fuchsoid at 4:25 PM on September 10, 2022 [1 favorite]

I'm waiting to see what Mariah's blessed imagination creates. Although I'm more likely to wear green nail polish than red.
posted by hippybear at 4:31 PM on September 10, 2022

Mariah Carey 17 Dec 2021: ”I don’t consider myself that”
Also Mariah Carey : [has a simultaneous trademark lawsuit saying she considers herself that]
posted by donut_princess at 4:36 PM on September 10, 2022

Who is Queen M to deny her subjects what they demand, even if she herself has to assume a role to do it?
posted by hippybear at 4:40 PM on September 10, 2022

I'm declaring myself King of Arbor Day now. Just planted a couple of trees.
posted by mmoncur at 6:45 PM on September 10, 2022 [2 favorites]

This is somewhat related: 15 years ago I worked in a bakery during the winter holiday season. We had to play Christmas music but we could bring our own. We had two CDs and when we got sick of them, we turned on the radio. And on the radio, they played the exact same 40 (or however many) songs over and over and over. However I happen to know that every single year in Target there is a display of CDs for sale of new recordings of Christmas music. So new versions of these songs are released every year and yet, every single year the radio stations can still only find the Jackson 5 version of I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus?

Notable spoken line: "I really DID see Mommy kissing Santa Claus! You gotta believe me, fellas!"
posted by Emmy Rae at 8:11 PM on September 10, 2022 [1 favorite]

I'm declaring myself King of Arbor Day now.

What's the appropriate nail polish for that event?
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:13 PM on September 10, 2022 [1 favorite]

I'm declaring myself King of Arbor Day now.

What's the appropriate nail polish for that event?

Gotta be dirt under the nails
posted by Emmy Rae at 8:14 PM on September 10, 2022 [3 favorites]

"I really DID see Mommy kissing Santa Claus! You gotta believe me, fellas!"

In some Eastern Orthodox circles they sing that one on December 6th and it goes "I Saw Mommy Venerating an Icon of St. Nicholas."
posted by straight at 10:02 PM on September 10, 2022 [6 favorites]

every single year the radio stations can still only find the Jackson 5 version of I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus?

If so, they're messing with you; The Ronettes' version is as superior as the Jackson 5's is bad (and yes, that's young Michael insisting that he really did).
posted by Rash at 7:26 AM on September 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

This is somewhat related: 15 years ago I worked in a bakery during the winter holiday season. We had to play Christmas music but we could bring our own. We had two CDs and when we got sick of them, we turned on the radio. And on the radio, they played the exact same 40 (or however many) songs over and over and over.

That brought back two memories.

I worked in a bakery the summer of 1995, most of it spent hunched over the doughnut fryer. The radio was on all the time, and at least once an hour they played "Colors of the Wind," sometimes more. To this day, I can't smell a doughnut without hearing the song in my head, or hear the song without smelling doughnuts in my head.

When I was in high school and the first few years of college, I lived across from the village hall. Starting the day after Thanksgiving, they blasted Christmas music on a loudspeaker so you could hear it all through the village. How long it played depended on whatever the person working there felt like. Usually it was from sunup to evening, but sometimes longer into the night. They only had a handful of 8-track tapes, so there was a lot of repetition. Bing Crosby's 1945 "Merry Christmas" compilation was in heavy rotation. There were some days when they'd come in early in the morning, start the music, and then go home, leaving that particular album to repeat all day. One day something went wrong and it just played "Faith of our Fathers" over and over again for ten hours straight. Another day, it just alternated between "Faith of our Fathers" and "Christmas in Killarney." It took me many years to be able to hear any Bing Crosby Christmas song without wanting to run off and bury my head under a stack of pillows. Not even the holiday Muzak at any retail job I've had was quite that bad.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:53 AM on September 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

Rash rates Christmas songs (scroll down for the worst). It's a few years old; compiled before I became aware of the Mariah Carey.
posted by Rash at 10:32 AM on September 11, 2022

One day something went wrong and it just played "Faith of our Fathers" over and over again for ten hours straight.

According to the guidebook, they were supposed to play Tom Jones's "It's Not Unusual" at least once partway through that marathon, in order to inspire false hope.
posted by delfin at 4:40 AM on September 12, 2022 [1 favorite]

They only had a handful of 8-track tapes, so there was a lot of repetition. Bing Crosby's 1945 "Merry Christmas" compilation was in heavy rotation. There were some days when they'd come in early in the morning, start the music, and then go home, leaving that particular album to repeat all day.

This sounds like: when I was a kid, Mom had three Christmas albums she had on heavy rotation; she'd stack up all three on the record player so when it finished side 1 of one album, the next would drop down and play side 1 there, and then when that finished, we heard side 1 of the third. So she would have about two hours of uninterrupted music. As a result - I am very, very familiar with half of Barbara Streisand, the Beach Boys, and Johnny Mathis' Christmas albums, to the point that when I was assembling my own Christmas mix tape years later I threw on Barbara's "Jingle Bells" and the Beach Boys' "Little Saint Nick." (But not Johnny Mathis because even as a kid I hated him.)

...That habit of hers ended the year I was 14, when we were Christmas shopping and she heard what the store was playing and liked it, and realized "Hey, I should change up the Christmas music a little" and tracked that down. That album was the first Mannheim Steamroller album, and after that one year, everyone in the family was sick of it already. Including Mom.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:42 AM on September 12, 2022 [1 favorite]

I have 2 Christmas albums by various jazz artists, and Vince Gueraldi's soundtrack for "A Charlie Brown Christmas". I play them all once, on Christmas eve, then shelve them again until next year's airing-out (and even then, I can see myself getting tired of those - except Gueraldi - at some point.). That is it for me and Christmas music, period.

I don't think I've ever heard more than a couple snippets of Carey's song.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:31 AM on September 12, 2022

This sounds like: when I was a kid, Mom had three Christmas albums she had on heavy rotation

My Mom did this, too, before we moved into the village. Hers were Jim Nabors, Ferrante and Teicher, and A Music Box Christmas. Later on we’d swap in one Various Artists or the Andrews Sisters.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 9:17 AM on September 12, 2022

Maybe the classy thing to do, since Love is 81, is just to forge ahead with the process but let her use it anyway, as long as she has left.

Classy, yes, but also a good way to ensure the trademark is not considered valid since it wasn't "defended from infringement."
posted by asnider at 7:59 AM on September 13, 2022

I seem to recall... oh god, this was probably over fifteen years ago--reading some kind of post or an article by a loudspeaker technician. Every year around Christmastime there's a rash of tragic accidents involving wires getting cut/smashed. Since it all happens at once, it tends to take a while to get repaired, so if you're at the edge of your sanity, bring some good scissors to work and make sure you know where the cameras aren't.
posted by kkar at 10:42 AM on September 13, 2022 [3 favorites]