"Whether metaverse trends follow the death path laid by the CD"
September 12, 2022 1:27 PM Subscribe
"Starbucks Taps [cryptocurrency network] for [NFT] Rewards Program"
(Or, if you prefer press releases, "Starbucks Brewing Revolutionary Web3 Experience" and "Starbucks Taps Polygon for its 'Starbucks Odyssey' Web3 Experience")
(Or, if you prefer press releases, "Starbucks Brewing Revolutionary Web3 Experience" and "Starbucks Taps Polygon for its 'Starbucks Odyssey' Web3 Experience")
Great news: there are no unions in the metaverse! So now I can earn virtual coffee and collectibles! And feel no guilt around it!
This is all so stupid.
posted by hijinx at 1:45 PM on September 12, 2022 [15 favorites]
This is all so stupid.
posted by hijinx at 1:45 PM on September 12, 2022 [15 favorites]
This is all so stupid.
Wait until you see the line around the block in Seattle to get into the first Starbucks, which sells the same fucking coffee the chain sells everywhere.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 1:48 PM on September 12, 2022 [12 favorites]
Wait until you see the line around the block in Seattle to get into the first Starbucks, which sells the same fucking coffee the chain sells everywhere.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 1:48 PM on September 12, 2022 [12 favorites]
Once there, they’ll be able to engage with various activities, which Starbucks called “journeys” — like playing interactive games or taking on challenges designed to deepen their knowledge of the Starbucks brand or coffee in general. As they complete these journeys, members can collect early digital collectibles in the form of NFTs (non-fungible tokens). Starbucks Odyssey, however, does away with the tech lingo and calls these NFT collectibles “journey stamps” instead.
My palm is taking a stamp journey to my forehead.
posted by gwint at 1:49 PM on September 12, 2022 [13 favorites]
My palm is taking a stamp journey to my forehead.
posted by gwint at 1:49 PM on September 12, 2022 [13 favorites]
I just wantneed caffeine, you fucking shitbirds. Your games have always sucked and this doesn't look one iota better.
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:50 PM on September 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:50 PM on September 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
will offer Starbucks Rewards members and Starbucks partners (employees) in the United States the opportunity to earn and purchase digital collectible assetsThey pay you in NFTs eh?
posted by joeyh at 1:58 PM on September 12, 2022 [5 favorites]
My boss loves Starbucks, and I am very fond of my boss. We have great conversations about things like, "see, this is what happens when your conception of 'civil rights' shrinks to things Apple and Google are willing to threaten a boycott over."
I am not sure where she is going to come down on this, but it doesn't matter because I'm not going to make her pick between me and Starbucks. I'm just going to go into the guest bathroom, turn out the lights, sit in the shower fully clothed and scream my objections into the darkness before our next 1:1.
posted by mph at 2:14 PM on September 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
I am not sure where she is going to come down on this, but it doesn't matter because I'm not going to make her pick between me and Starbucks. I'm just going to go into the guest bathroom, turn out the lights, sit in the shower fully clothed and scream my objections into the darkness before our next 1:1.
posted by mph at 2:14 PM on September 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
Star .... bucks
I mean, it's just sitting right there for the taking
posted by chavenet at 2:18 PM on September 12, 2022 [27 favorites]
I mean, it's just sitting right there for the taking
posted by chavenet at 2:18 PM on September 12, 2022 [27 favorites]
Odyssey? Because their logo is supposed to be a siren. So they lure you in with their song and smash you to pieces on the NFT rocks. Someone's going to lose their real house on fake coffee in a Starbucks RPG.
There's a universe where a Starbucks RPG is really good. Wherever people meet is where life is going to happen. A dedicated team of artists with a passion could make it work, and it would be awesome. A little bit of The Sims, a pinch of Stardew, some _____ Tycoon. It could be something people genuinely love.
This is not that. There is no team of passionate artists behind this. I know this because NFTs are in it.
If you want to see a man levitate 3 feet over a toilet bowl, make me drink one of their lattes.
posted by adept256 at 2:30 PM on September 12, 2022 [7 favorites]
There's a universe where a Starbucks RPG is really good. Wherever people meet is where life is going to happen. A dedicated team of artists with a passion could make it work, and it would be awesome. A little bit of The Sims, a pinch of Stardew, some _____ Tycoon. It could be something people genuinely love.
This is not that. There is no team of passionate artists behind this. I know this because NFTs are in it.
If you want to see a man levitate 3 feet over a toilet bowl, make me drink one of their lattes.
posted by adept256 at 2:30 PM on September 12, 2022 [7 favorites]
Whyyyyyyyyy ... Like just use a database? Like their existing loyalty program? There's literally no reason to use an NFT for this? Is the answer money laundering?
posted by muddgirl at 2:30 PM on September 12, 2022 [11 favorites]
posted by muddgirl at 2:30 PM on September 12, 2022 [11 favorites]
This is what happens when the corporate decision making process is too slow to miss out the nft boom.
posted by The River Ivel at 2:35 PM on September 12, 2022 [9 favorites]
posted by The River Ivel at 2:35 PM on September 12, 2022 [9 favorites]
Just give me my damn coffee and spell my name right on the cup.
posted by briank at 2:49 PM on September 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by briank at 2:49 PM on September 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
I'm so mad at Starbucks. They're so close to being perfection. Their stores are really efficient, their products taste good (to me), their locations are excellent, all they (corporate) need is to start giving a shit about their own business, but they refuse. Fucking unionize and give us coffee in exchange for money! Actual business people should be salivating over how much money people already want to give Starbucks & would if they would just get their shit together.
posted by bleep at 2:55 PM on September 12, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by bleep at 2:55 PM on September 12, 2022 [3 favorites]
they're not getting another $ from me thanks to the union-busting.
this is just insult on injury
posted by Heywood Mogroot III at 3:05 PM on September 12, 2022 [7 favorites]
this is just insult on injury
posted by Heywood Mogroot III at 3:05 PM on September 12, 2022 [7 favorites]
More than a few people should be fired for this, I just don't know their names.
posted by hypnogogue at 3:19 PM on September 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by hypnogogue at 3:19 PM on September 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
Imagine being in a room where a group of highly-paid, well educated people with expertise in their fields decide that it is a good idea to spend tens of millions of dollars on.... whatever this is. People going on Starbucks Journeys and collecting imaginary collectibles that don't really exist to compete for prizes that no one wants.
Who thought this was a good idea? Or did they know it was a bad idea, but their boss had told them, "we need our NFT angle. Make it happen. Just keep it under $100 million."
My brother has been devoted to Starbucks since the beginning. (He lives in Seattle, so really the beginning.) He just sent a plaintive note to the family message thread that he'd gone to a Starbucks and it was takeout only. He couldn't sit and have his coffee. He was sad that this experience he's loved while traveling around the country may be coming to an end because Howard Schultz doesn't want to pay his baristas a living wage and give them negotiating rights.
He doesn't want to take a Starbucks Journey (TM). No Starbucks customers want to take a Starbucks Journey.
Sigh. Luckily it won't last long.
posted by Winnie the Proust at 3:21 PM on September 12, 2022 [12 favorites]
Who thought this was a good idea? Or did they know it was a bad idea, but their boss had told them, "we need our NFT angle. Make it happen. Just keep it under $100 million."
My brother has been devoted to Starbucks since the beginning. (He lives in Seattle, so really the beginning.) He just sent a plaintive note to the family message thread that he'd gone to a Starbucks and it was takeout only. He couldn't sit and have his coffee. He was sad that this experience he's loved while traveling around the country may be coming to an end because Howard Schultz doesn't want to pay his baristas a living wage and give them negotiating rights.
He doesn't want to take a Starbucks Journey (TM). No Starbucks customers want to take a Starbucks Journey.
Sigh. Luckily it won't last long.
posted by Winnie the Proust at 3:21 PM on September 12, 2022 [12 favorites]
Amazing occasion to celebrate that 200+ Starbucks stores have unionized within the last year!! Take the #NoContractNoCoffee pledge today!
posted by latkes at 3:42 PM on September 12, 2022 [9 favorites]
posted by latkes at 3:42 PM on September 12, 2022 [9 favorites]
Why, I think this is very generous and thoughtful of Starbucks.
I didn't even ask for this or think I even needed or wanted it but now I have yet another reason to never visit.
posted by loquacious at 3:56 PM on September 12, 2022 [9 favorites]
I didn't even ask for this or think I even needed or wanted it but now I have yet another reason to never visit.
posted by loquacious at 3:56 PM on September 12, 2022 [9 favorites]
As always there are two hopes for anything involving NFTs that’s being promoted as such:
1. Attention from people with a lot of crypto money who buy the things
2. One or more of these NFTs becoming absurdly coveted on the aftermarket, and becoming a nice cash flow from the 5% or so that the Smart Contract is programmed to send back to the people who made it. Unless you trade it on a market explicitly designed to ignore that feature. Which of course is a thing that exists.
Until something happens to drain all the money out of crypto everywhere, companies are repeatedly gonna keep on trying to cram NFTs into everything. Because it’s, like, free money. At the cost of some segment of the market deciding to no longer patronize you, but hey, who cares when you’re a dominant player who has about 33% of the US market?
posted by egypturnash at 4:14 PM on September 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
1. Attention from people with a lot of crypto money who buy the things
2. One or more of these NFTs becoming absurdly coveted on the aftermarket, and becoming a nice cash flow from the 5% or so that the Smart Contract is programmed to send back to the people who made it. Unless you trade it on a market explicitly designed to ignore that feature. Which of course is a thing that exists.
Until something happens to drain all the money out of crypto everywhere, companies are repeatedly gonna keep on trying to cram NFTs into everything. Because it’s, like, free money. At the cost of some segment of the market deciding to no longer patronize you, but hey, who cares when you’re a dominant player who has about 33% of the US market?
posted by egypturnash at 4:14 PM on September 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
Wait until you see the line around the block in Seattle to get into the first Starbucks, which sells the same fucking coffee the chain sells everywhere.Walter Benjamin would like a word.
posted by migurski at 6:18 PM on September 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
line around the block in Seattle to get into the first Starbucks,
Wow, that makes the multiple hour wait to get a bite at the two-hundred ninety eighth In-N-Out burger in Austin almost make sense. But they also routinely block traffic on a major central street to get into a completely unremarkable Chik-Fil-A.
Anyway I bet a lot of Austinites are going to love this.
posted by SaltySalticid at 6:27 PM on September 12, 2022
Wow, that makes the multiple hour wait to get a bite at the two-hundred ninety eighth In-N-Out burger in Austin almost make sense. But they also routinely block traffic on a major central street to get into a completely unremarkable Chik-Fil-A.
Anyway I bet a lot of Austinites are going to love this.
posted by SaltySalticid at 6:27 PM on September 12, 2022
They're so close to being perfection.
I nearly spit out my acrid, cloying, vaguely gelatinous beige concoction.
posted by mhoye at 6:35 PM on September 12, 2022 [4 favorites]
I nearly spit out my acrid, cloying, vaguely gelatinous beige concoction.
posted by mhoye at 6:35 PM on September 12, 2022 [4 favorites]
If you made a Venn diagram of shit I hate, this would be a circle. [slow clap]
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 7:22 PM on September 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 7:22 PM on September 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
I nearly spit out my acrid, cloying, vaguely gelatinous beige concoction.
posted by mhoye at 6:35 PM
I would simply order something else but you do you
posted by bleep at 8:55 PM on September 12, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by mhoye at 6:35 PM
I would simply order something else but you do you
posted by bleep at 8:55 PM on September 12, 2022 [5 favorites]
Once there, they’ll be able to engage with various activities, which Starbucks called “journeys” — like playing interactive games or taking on challenges designed to deepen their knowledge of the Starbucks brand or coffee in general.
Back in my day we had snack-branded videogames and we liked them.
This is that, except bad.
“It happens to be built on blockchain and web3 technologies, but the customer — to be honest — may very well not even know that what they’re doing is interacting with blockchain technology. It’s just the enabler,” Brewer explains.
To engage with the Starbucks Odyssey experience, Starbucks Rewards members will log in to the web app using their existing loyalty program credentials.
In the business this is what is usually known as "a database." They could yank out the NFT parts and replace the backend with an Excel spreadsheet and nobody would notice.
posted by BungaDunga at 9:50 PM on September 12, 2022 [7 favorites]
Back in my day we had snack-branded videogames and we liked them.
This is that, except bad.
“It happens to be built on blockchain and web3 technologies, but the customer — to be honest — may very well not even know that what they’re doing is interacting with blockchain technology. It’s just the enabler,” Brewer explains.
To engage with the Starbucks Odyssey experience, Starbucks Rewards members will log in to the web app using their existing loyalty program credentials.
In the business this is what is usually known as "a database." They could yank out the NFT parts and replace the backend with an Excel spreadsheet and nobody would notice.
posted by BungaDunga at 9:50 PM on September 12, 2022 [7 favorites]
Yeah, I thought this would be a non-starter: transaction costs to lodge those NFT rewards in the ledger will eat into the ongoing costs -- unless The Merge on Thursday, swapping ongoing climate destruction for $5m-ish up front, allows them to mint as many ETH and dump as many NFT records as they like.
posted by k3ninho at 11:37 PM on September 12, 2022
posted by k3ninho at 11:37 PM on September 12, 2022
Peets is also Starbucks, for anyone hoping to escape that way.
posted by aspersioncast at 4:37 AM on September 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by aspersioncast at 4:37 AM on September 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
See this is why I avoid Starbucks like the plague.
(Well, this, and the fact that I have taste buds. Starbucks coffee ALWAYS tastes burnt. I don’t want to drink coffee that tastes like burnt rubber. I will go back to my freshly brewed cup of Intelligentsia now.)
posted by caution live frogs at 5:07 AM on September 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
(Well, this, and the fact that I have taste buds. Starbucks coffee ALWAYS tastes burnt. I don’t want to drink coffee that tastes like burnt rubber. I will go back to my freshly brewed cup of Intelligentsia now.)
posted by caution live frogs at 5:07 AM on September 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
Fucking unionize and give us coffee in exchange for money! Actual business people should be salivating over how much money people already want to give Starbucks & would if they would just get their shit together.
They can't/won't and never, ever will. No profit-driven business dependent on labor as an input will voluntarily let a union in the door, because eventually the union will drive shareholder profits down. I mean, that's the whole point of a union: it's to capture more excess profits for labor rather than allowing them to flow to owners.
And so instead we see crap like this, and "brand loyalty" efforts in general, which is all designed to direct consumer attention away from the fundamental game being played, which is to squeeze as much value out of workers' labor as possible, while compensating them as little as possible and still keeping the business running.
From an investor's perspective, a business like Starbucks, which is constantly teetering on the brink of unionization but never quite getting there, is ideal, because it shows you're squeezing labor pretty much as far as you can go. To the McKinseys and BCGs of the world, a company where the employees are sitting around talking about how much they like their job and how satisfied they are, is just leaving money on the table. The occasional unionization drive, suicide cluster, management-directed workplace shooting, or arson (depending on geography) shows that you're wringing labor good and dry. It's just good business!
posted by Kadin2048 at 6:40 AM on September 13, 2022 [3 favorites]
They can't/won't and never, ever will. No profit-driven business dependent on labor as an input will voluntarily let a union in the door, because eventually the union will drive shareholder profits down. I mean, that's the whole point of a union: it's to capture more excess profits for labor rather than allowing them to flow to owners.
And so instead we see crap like this, and "brand loyalty" efforts in general, which is all designed to direct consumer attention away from the fundamental game being played, which is to squeeze as much value out of workers' labor as possible, while compensating them as little as possible and still keeping the business running.
From an investor's perspective, a business like Starbucks, which is constantly teetering on the brink of unionization but never quite getting there, is ideal, because it shows you're squeezing labor pretty much as far as you can go. To the McKinseys and BCGs of the world, a company where the employees are sitting around talking about how much they like their job and how satisfied they are, is just leaving money on the table. The occasional unionization drive, suicide cluster, management-directed workplace shooting, or arson (depending on geography) shows that you're wringing labor good and dry. It's just good business!
posted by Kadin2048 at 6:40 AM on September 13, 2022 [3 favorites]
And so instead we see crap like this, and "brand loyalty" efforts in general, which is all designed to direct consumer attention away from the fundamental game being played
I have been seeing an increase in commercials, mostly fast food, in which the product being sold has almost no presence in the commercial, instead focusing on the intimate relationship between customer and employee, like they're family ("it was my kid's birthday and they found her lost teddy bear, I love Chick Fil A!") which I'm sure is a direct reaction to unionizing and 'nobody wants to work'. Look, we're all happy people here!
posted by AzraelBrown at 9:31 AM on September 13, 2022
I have been seeing an increase in commercials, mostly fast food, in which the product being sold has almost no presence in the commercial, instead focusing on the intimate relationship between customer and employee, like they're family ("it was my kid's birthday and they found her lost teddy bear, I love Chick Fil A!") which I'm sure is a direct reaction to unionizing and 'nobody wants to work'. Look, we're all happy people here!
posted by AzraelBrown at 9:31 AM on September 13, 2022
Walter Benjamin would like a word.
Sure, but if Walter could be cloned in 2022, his doppelgänger could also just walk one block down the street to the other Starbucks without the 45-minute long wait in line.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 9:35 AM on September 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
Sure, but if Walter could be cloned in 2022, his doppelgänger could also just walk one block down the street to the other Starbucks without the 45-minute long wait in line.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 9:35 AM on September 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
I ran my eyes over the whole article and retained fucking none of it because it's complete nonsense and also (ha) I need coffee.
posted by kkar at 10:09 AM on September 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by kkar at 10:09 AM on September 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
I have never seen something so perfectly tailored to enrage Metafilter
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 10:10 AM on September 13, 2022 [13 favorites]
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 10:10 AM on September 13, 2022 [13 favorites]
I think scorn is the operative emotion going on here. It's not worth expending rage over.
posted by Winnie the Proust at 10:28 AM on September 13, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by Winnie the Proust at 10:28 AM on September 13, 2022 [4 favorites]
This just in: Starbucks announces new student loan repayment tools and a savings account program for all U.S. employees who are not union members.
Now we're talking rage.
posted by Winnie the Proust at 11:09 AM on September 13, 2022 [8 favorites]
Now we're talking rage.
posted by Winnie the Proust at 11:09 AM on September 13, 2022 [8 favorites]
It is rarely so clear cut how unionization helps all workers.
posted by Mitheral at 11:45 AM on September 13, 2022 [7 favorites]
posted by Mitheral at 11:45 AM on September 13, 2022 [7 favorites]
I mainly keep track of crypto/Web3/NFT/etc.. stuff via the "Web3 is going just great" site. The most recent post there (as of this comment) is about Starbucks trying to do NFTs. The next most recent post is about Ubisoft abandoning their NFT plans that they announced last year and pretending that they weren't really jumping in with both feet but rather just "researching". So, yeah, I'm not sure Starbucks' entry into the NFT shitshow is really something to get upset over rather than something that seems like an obvious attempt to ride a fad after its time has passed and will likely end in a somewhat embarrassing failure.
posted by mhum at 2:30 PM on September 13, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by mhum at 2:30 PM on September 13, 2022 [2 favorites]
If I should ever find myself in a Starbucks and actually ordering something, it's a toss-up if I should give my name as Union or Ponzi.
posted by Ayn Marx at 5:08 PM on September 13, 2022
posted by Ayn Marx at 5:08 PM on September 13, 2022
Peets is also Starbucks, for anyone hoping to escape that way.
They are not. Or if you just mean they are equally compromised in some way I don’t know, but they are not the same company.
posted by atoxyl at 5:18 PM on September 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
They are not. Or if you just mean they are equally compromised in some way I don’t know, but they are not the same company.
posted by atoxyl at 5:18 PM on September 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
Seattle's Best Coffee is owned by Starbucks.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 6:37 PM on September 13, 2022
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 6:37 PM on September 13, 2022
but if Walter could be cloned in 2022
Which leads me to ask if a clone of Walter Benjamin would be him, for all intents and purposes of authenticity? I mean, all the clone wanted was some unburnt coffee, quickly, at a reasonable price.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 6:41 PM on September 13, 2022
Which leads me to ask if a clone of Walter Benjamin would be him, for all intents and purposes of authenticity? I mean, all the clone wanted was some unburnt coffee, quickly, at a reasonable price.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 6:41 PM on September 13, 2022
I thought Peets=Starbucks too but Wiki says the Starbucks founders bought Peets and held both companies for a short period in the 80s but they then sold off Starbucks.
posted by Mitheral at 7:53 PM on September 13, 2022
posted by Mitheral at 7:53 PM on September 13, 2022
They have a messy intertwined history - the original founders of Starbucks worked for Peet’s before they spun off Starbucks, but then decided to sell Starbucks to Howard Schultz (who worked for them at Starbucks at the time) and focus on Peet’s, which they eventually took public separately (some years after the Starbucks explosion). Or something along those lines.
posted by atoxyl at 9:58 PM on September 13, 2022
posted by atoxyl at 9:58 PM on September 13, 2022
Starbucks does own Teavana and Ethos Water, if anyone's buying either of those.
posted by box at 4:38 AM on September 14, 2022
posted by box at 4:38 AM on September 14, 2022
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posted by GenjiandProust at 1:41 PM on September 12, 2022 [21 favorites]