it'll turn out right if you've got a potato
September 13, 2022 7:37 AM Subscribe
you are a halfling just trying to exist. meanwhile, the dark lord rampages across the world. you do not care about this. you are trying to farm potatoes ...
POTATO: a one-page RPG that you can play for yourself in a few minutes with just a piece of scrap paper and a six-sided die or a dice-rolling app. From Oliver Darkshire, who has written other one-page RPGs with the same mechanic, such as Trapped in Your House Due to Hans Christian Andersen and Gay for the Pirate King. All the game pages are free to read on Patreon.
(note a typo in Potato: Orc ending score should be 10, not 0)
POTATO: a one-page RPG that you can play for yourself in a few minutes with just a piece of scrap paper and a six-sided die or a dice-rolling app. From Oliver Darkshire, who has written other one-page RPGs with the same mechanic, such as Trapped in Your House Due to Hans Christian Andersen and Gay for the Pirate King. All the game pages are free to read on Patreon.
(note a typo in Potato: Orc ending score should be 10, not 0)
From the comments on Twitter, somebody whipped up a simple online version.
posted by mstokes650 at 8:05 AM on September 13, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by mstokes650 at 8:05 AM on September 13, 2022 [5 favorites]
Less fun to play than read, but they are awfully fun to read.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:16 AM on September 13, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:16 AM on September 13, 2022 [5 favorites]
Gay for the Pirate King: "He's rubbing his sword clean on his lap. +1 Tension"
Thank you for this, I needed a titter.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 8:20 AM on September 13, 2022 [3 favorites]
Thank you for this, I needed a titter.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 8:20 AM on September 13, 2022 [3 favorites]
Zero.
posted by straight at 8:24 AM on September 13, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by straight at 8:24 AM on September 13, 2022 [4 favorites]
I won, by the skin of my potatoes!
I ended with:
9 destiny
10 potatoes
9 orcs
But by the end, the world was very dark and dangerous indeed. I would have had to hurl 18 potatoes to remove a single orc.
posted by kyrademon at 8:29 AM on September 13, 2022 [3 favorites]
I ended with:
9 destiny
10 potatoes
9 orcs
But by the end, the world was very dark and dangerous indeed. I would have had to hurl 18 potatoes to remove a single orc.
posted by kyrademon at 8:29 AM on September 13, 2022 [3 favorites]
JFC. I feel like I just narrowly avoided the Jan 6 insurrection.
"It takes 11 potatoes to remove one Orc" -- BUT!!! -- "Your adventure has ended. You have enough potatoes that you can go underground and not return to the surface until the danger is past. You nestle down into your burrow and enjoy your well earned rest."
posted by seanmpuckett at 8:31 AM on September 13, 2022
"It takes 11 potatoes to remove one Orc" -- BUT!!! -- "Your adventure has ended. You have enough potatoes that you can go underground and not return to the surface until the danger is past. You nestle down into your burrow and enjoy your well earned rest."
posted by seanmpuckett at 8:31 AM on September 13, 2022
I feel like you ought to be bale to build increasingly large potato cannons, that will ofset the orcs' hardiness...
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:37 AM on September 13, 2022
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:37 AM on September 13, 2022
> I feel very seen right now
You'll want a second sack then, or even a third; I like to keep a few extras by the door. The weave is so loose that a single layer won't hide me effectively from visitors, I find.
posted by miles per flower at 8:42 AM on September 13, 2022 [13 favorites]
You'll want a second sack then, or even a third; I like to keep a few extras by the door. The weave is so loose that a single layer won't hide me effectively from visitors, I find.
posted by miles per flower at 8:42 AM on September 13, 2022 [13 favorites]
I also like the one where the cute farm animals have killed Beatrix Potter and need to get her buried, quick.
posted by Well I never at 9:00 AM on September 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by Well I never at 9:00 AM on September 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
I just told my RPG group that POTATO is now the only game I'm interested in. No need to finish our quest in Ironsworn, and we can forget the upcoming Starforged campaign for which we just did a bunch of Session Zero world building. We'll just play Potato, each of us will have our own farm and play independently of one another, like playing solitaire in the same room, except we play online so we won't even be in the room, which is thematically appropriate for a game in which you play a halfling who is just trying to hunker down until the apocalypse blows over.
posted by asnider at 9:13 AM on September 13, 2022 [7 favorites]
posted by asnider at 9:13 AM on September 13, 2022 [7 favorites]
Labeling this simulation an “RPG” is an interesting decision, and one that says something about how the word is interpreted in different cultural contexts. To my mind it’s a very incorrect label, but there’s no way I would have given “Hobbit hoarding potatoes and avoiding adventure simulator” a second glance and I stuck around to play two rounds of this. (One win, one easten by orcs)
posted by Going To Maine at 9:18 AM on September 13, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by Going To Maine at 9:18 AM on September 13, 2022 [3 favorites]
Labeling this simulation an “RPG” is an interesting decision
seemed obvious to me for a Raising Potatoes Game
posted by chavenet at 9:35 AM on September 13, 2022 [28 favorites]
seemed obvious to me for a Raising Potatoes Game
posted by chavenet at 9:35 AM on September 13, 2022 [28 favorites]
Yeah, that's fair, Going to Maine. There is no actual role-playing happening, other than what the player chooses to imagine in their mind's eye as they mindlessly roll the dice.
But it's also not really meant to be taken very seriously, so I think we can allow for some leeway in the terminology.
posted by asnider at 9:39 AM on September 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
But it's also not really meant to be taken very seriously, so I think we can allow for some leeway in the terminology.
posted by asnider at 9:39 AM on September 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
But it's also not really meant to be taken very seriously, so I think we can allow for some leeway in the terminology.
But, but …hobby terminology purity! Are you calling for pure chaos and rebellion?
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:45 AM on September 13, 2022 [5 favorites]
But, but …hobby terminology purity! Are you calling for pure chaos and rebellion?
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:45 AM on September 13, 2022 [5 favorites]
You're all talking as if the game has no role playing — like it's just generate a string of random numbers and see what they say. But did you miss the part where you have to make critical decisions about when and whether to hurl potatoes?
You can take the role so many different directions! Play as a miserly potato-hoarder, refusing to hurl potatoes until Orcs are nearly beating down your door (and perhaps not even then!). Or choose the hyper-anxious, jumping-at-shadows character, where any distant tuft of Orc fuzz gets a potato hurled at it instantly. Maybe you're the chaotic type, and every choice to hurl or not hurl is made randomly in the moment, perhaps by flipping a coin or a relatively flat potato. Or you could even play a dark wizard halfling (though not calling yourself a wizard, because geeze, those guys), exploiting arcane magicks and hurling potatoes at nothing to achieve negative orcs right from the start! (Though you daren't mention or even allow the thought of negative potatoes to cross your mind...)
No actual role-playing... pfft.
You also missed the part where you have to make a choice about whether to cry with joy.
posted by whatnotever at 10:02 AM on September 13, 2022 [12 favorites]
You can take the role so many different directions! Play as a miserly potato-hoarder, refusing to hurl potatoes until Orcs are nearly beating down your door (and perhaps not even then!). Or choose the hyper-anxious, jumping-at-shadows character, where any distant tuft of Orc fuzz gets a potato hurled at it instantly. Maybe you're the chaotic type, and every choice to hurl or not hurl is made randomly in the moment, perhaps by flipping a coin or a relatively flat potato. Or you could even play a dark wizard halfling (though not calling yourself a wizard, because geeze, those guys), exploiting arcane magicks and hurling potatoes at nothing to achieve negative orcs right from the start! (Though you daren't mention or even allow the thought of negative potatoes to cross your mind...)
No actual role-playing... pfft.
You also missed the part where you have to make a choice about whether to cry with joy.
posted by whatnotever at 10:02 AM on September 13, 2022 [12 favorites]
MetaFilter: I feel like you ought to be bale to build increasingly large potato cannons
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:06 AM on September 13, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:06 AM on September 13, 2022 [3 favorites]
I am tall like the ancient kings of the anointed lands of myth and legend, so playing a hobbit is definitely a role. Nor have my people known how to farm potatoes for the Eon of Light. So, game, a role, and playing.
posted by Jacen at 10:14 AM on September 13, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by Jacen at 10:14 AM on September 13, 2022 [2 favorites]
We are become a deconstructed cookie clicker process.
posted by NoThisIsPatrick at 10:41 AM on September 13, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by NoThisIsPatrick at 10:41 AM on September 13, 2022 [3 favorites]
one does not simply click into potato
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:01 AM on September 13, 2022 [8 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:01 AM on September 13, 2022 [8 favorites]
Excellent wisdom in the author's Twitter remarks:
the pursuit of excellence is a self-imposed shackle and I refuse to be burdened by itposted by lostburner at 11:11 AM on September 13, 2022 [18 favorites]
At a (virtual) gaming convention I attended earlier this year, there was a session devoted to these one-page games. My spouse played and seemed to have an excellent time.
posted by gentlyepigrams at 11:17 AM on September 13, 2022
posted by gentlyepigrams at 11:17 AM on September 13, 2022
Anyone crunched out the win/loss probabilities with the "always throw" & "never throw" strategies?
posted by genpfault at 12:15 PM on September 13, 2022
posted by genpfault at 12:15 PM on September 13, 2022
I’m so confused. Wasn’t August potato month?
posted by InkaLomax at 12:33 PM on September 13, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by InkaLomax at 12:33 PM on September 13, 2022 [4 favorites]
Anyone crunched out the win/loss probabilities with the "always throw" & "never throw" strategies?
we must optimize and find the Hash Brown Equilibrium for this game
the Spud Theory Optimal strategy, one could say
posted by allegedly at 12:38 PM on September 13, 2022 [5 favorites]
we must optimize and find the Hash Brown Equilibrium for this game
the Spud Theory Optimal strategy, one could say
posted by allegedly at 12:38 PM on September 13, 2022 [5 favorites]
I have never had enough to throw even once.
I can't prove it, but the RNG used in the online version seems fairly terrible. I had a straight run of 8 "The world becomes a darker, more dangerous place ..." rolls
posted by scruss at 12:40 PM on September 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
I can't prove it, but the RNG used in the online version seems fairly terrible. I had a straight run of 8 "The world becomes a darker, more dangerous place ..." rolls
posted by scruss at 12:40 PM on September 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
Nah, that would be My Boyfriend the Pachycephalosaurus Pirate King
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:58 PM on September 13, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:58 PM on September 13, 2022 [2 favorites]
Let's compute the expected value of potatoes...
In the Garden: E(P|Garden) = 1/3
A knock at the door: E(P|Door) = 1/6
So the overall E(P) = 1/9 + 1/18 = 3/18 = 1/6 of a potato per roll. (So, the average winning game will have 60 rolls.)
Meanwhile, there's a 1/3 chance of the world getting more dangerous, so the cost of hurling potatoes increases about twice as fast as your potato supply.
posted by kaibutsu at 1:19 PM on September 13, 2022 [2 favorites]
In the Garden: E(P|Garden) = 1/3
A knock at the door: E(P|Door) = 1/6
So the overall E(P) = 1/9 + 1/18 = 3/18 = 1/6 of a potato per roll. (So, the average winning game will have 60 rolls.)
Meanwhile, there's a 1/3 chance of the world getting more dangerous, so the cost of hurling potatoes increases about twice as fast as your potato supply.
posted by kaibutsu at 1:19 PM on September 13, 2022 [2 favorites]
Five rounds with the online version, I lost all of them (4 times to orcs, once to a meddling wizard). I almost never got enough potatoes to get rid of even one orc.
posted by Quasirandom at 1:27 PM on September 13, 2022
posted by Quasirandom at 1:27 PM on September 13, 2022
Damn! I was hoping to be in before the first this-ain't-an-RPG gatekeeping comment. But alas.
posted by Sauce Trough at 1:44 PM on September 13, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by Sauce Trough at 1:44 PM on September 13, 2022 [2 favorites]
You gotta be quick on the draw if you wanna gate-keep in this town, pardner.
posted by kaibutsu at 1:57 PM on September 13, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by kaibutsu at 1:57 PM on September 13, 2022 [4 favorites]
Aw man, I’m not trying to gate-keep here. It’s more that the word “RPG” no longer means “RPG” in the strict sense. More of a “times sure have changed” sentiment.
posted by Going To Maine at 2:04 PM on September 13, 2022
posted by Going To Maine at 2:04 PM on September 13, 2022
> No actual role-playing... pfft.
Nah, that's just a bad GM. If they're worth their salt, the written rules will go out the window the moment a player has an idea that makes for better shared storytelling.
(In case it's not obvious, take that with sarcasm markers. I'm speaking from a ridiculously narrow perspective for comedic effect.)
> the word “RPG” no longer means “RPG” in the strict sense
It never has. Chainmail (the direct ancestor of Original White Box D&D) was a mass-miniatures system, pure and simple. A third-level fighter was precisely equivalent to three first-level fighters in the same hex.
And JRPG players probably wouldn't even recognize modern rules-light tabletop stuff, nor vice-versa.
posted by sourcequench at 2:41 PM on September 13, 2022 [2 favorites]
Nah, that's just a bad GM. If they're worth their salt, the written rules will go out the window the moment a player has an idea that makes for better shared storytelling.
(In case it's not obvious, take that with sarcasm markers. I'm speaking from a ridiculously narrow perspective for comedic effect.)
> the word “RPG” no longer means “RPG” in the strict sense
It never has. Chainmail (the direct ancestor of Original White Box D&D) was a mass-miniatures system, pure and simple. A third-level fighter was precisely equivalent to three first-level fighters in the same hex.
And JRPG players probably wouldn't even recognize modern rules-light tabletop stuff, nor vice-versa.
posted by sourcequench at 2:41 PM on September 13, 2022 [2 favorites]
They’re all the same game with different terms. I’m pretty sure we could feed those into an AI and generate about 10,000 variants pretty quickly.
I’m kind of in agreement about the RPG thing. There’s no agency given to the player - just roll some dice, tabulate some numbers and done. I’m not seeing much room for inventiveness or creativity here.
Just accounting.
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 2:48 PM on September 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
I’m kind of in agreement about the RPG thing. There’s no agency given to the player - just roll some dice, tabulate some numbers and done. I’m not seeing much room for inventiveness or creativity here.
Just accounting.
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 2:48 PM on September 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
Finally! I got the Destiny ending!
Having played RPGs basically since modern RPGs have existed, I’ll say that these are entertaining games, but they aren’t RPGs. There are plenty of solo RPGs, some more mechanical, some more story-based. You could spin an RPG out of these mechanics, but this isn’t one, the way that chess isn’t really a war game.
I will go out on a limb and say that electronic RPGs, however fun, aren’t really in the same class of game as TTRPGs, and work towards significantly different ends. I’m not really interested in arguing which is better or making value judgements at this scale, but any sensible taxonomy will separate them pretty sharply early on.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:18 PM on September 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
Having played RPGs basically since modern RPGs have existed, I’ll say that these are entertaining games, but they aren’t RPGs. There are plenty of solo RPGs, some more mechanical, some more story-based. You could spin an RPG out of these mechanics, but this isn’t one, the way that chess isn’t really a war game.
I will go out on a limb and say that electronic RPGs, however fun, aren’t really in the same class of game as TTRPGs, and work towards significantly different ends. I’m not really interested in arguing which is better or making value judgements at this scale, but any sensible taxonomy will separate them pretty sharply early on.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:18 PM on September 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
I think this is a Roland Right.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 3:21 PM on September 13, 2022
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 3:21 PM on September 13, 2022
I must respectfully disagree with the "this ain't an rpg" contingent
I ran the game for 3 neighbors (it being hobbits they are well spaced out from each other)
Hacari Menace, a rather unpleasant fellow who interrupts you when you're talking, is waiting irritably for the plumber. He has idle fancies of becoming a great tuber-magician who is sent for to conjure sprouts out of infertile land. Surely such dreams will remain unrealized. I mean, he doesn't even have running water anymore. And look at his potato field!
Hacari will be waiting a long time. The plumber, Calias Autumnsun, may or may not have killed his best friend in an argument over the best way to prepare a turnip, and is laying low.
The best friend's cousin, one Reed Peepstriper, is, after the body is found in a ravine (surely orcs - oh such dark times), is charged with the funeral arrangements. He, not the adventurous (or stabby for that matter) sort at all, just wants to finish his harvesting and sit by a nice fire. He has one of those noses that just runs no matter the weather.
Things ended up just about as you'd expect. Calias, knife or no, was himself bashed to death himself by an orc on turn 21. A passing wizard was in the area wondering if maybe such a stern fellow was up for adventure, but alas. Hacari ended up going off with a passing elf though, on turn 22, toilet as as broken as ever.
Tut tutting all this excitement and ill tidings all around and why does everyone need to get so worked up about everything all the time, Reed finally got on a potato hot streak and retired to the underground, turn 36, with enough firewood to outlast a decade of dwarven callers (and orcs at a whopping 16 potatoes per!)
posted by Transylvania Metro Android Castle at 3:30 PM on September 13, 2022 [5 favorites]
I ran the game for 3 neighbors (it being hobbits they are well spaced out from each other)
Hacari Menace, a rather unpleasant fellow who interrupts you when you're talking, is waiting irritably for the plumber. He has idle fancies of becoming a great tuber-magician who is sent for to conjure sprouts out of infertile land. Surely such dreams will remain unrealized. I mean, he doesn't even have running water anymore. And look at his potato field!
Hacari will be waiting a long time. The plumber, Calias Autumnsun, may or may not have killed his best friend in an argument over the best way to prepare a turnip, and is laying low.
The best friend's cousin, one Reed Peepstriper, is, after the body is found in a ravine (surely orcs - oh such dark times), is charged with the funeral arrangements. He, not the adventurous (or stabby for that matter) sort at all, just wants to finish his harvesting and sit by a nice fire. He has one of those noses that just runs no matter the weather.
Things ended up just about as you'd expect. Calias, knife or no, was himself bashed to death himself by an orc on turn 21. A passing wizard was in the area wondering if maybe such a stern fellow was up for adventure, but alas. Hacari ended up going off with a passing elf though, on turn 22, toilet as as broken as ever.
Tut tutting all this excitement and ill tidings all around and why does everyone need to get so worked up about everything all the time, Reed finally got on a potato hot streak and retired to the underground, turn 36, with enough firewood to outlast a decade of dwarven callers (and orcs at a whopping 16 potatoes per!)
posted by Transylvania Metro Android Castle at 3:30 PM on September 13, 2022 [5 favorites]
Aw man, I’m not trying to gate-keep here. It’s more that the word “RPG” no longer means “RPG” in the strict sense. More of a “times sure have changed” sentiment.
You are a True Scotsman on a potato farm.
posted by Mchelly at 3:43 PM on September 13, 2022 [5 favorites]
You are a True Scotsman on a potato farm.
posted by Mchelly at 3:43 PM on September 13, 2022 [5 favorites]
I’m pretty sure we could feed those into an AI and generate about 10,000 variants pretty quickly
It’d be all eyeballs and cats and teeth. No thanks.
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 3:48 PM on September 13, 2022 [3 favorites]
It’d be all eyeballs and cats and teeth. No thanks.
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 3:48 PM on September 13, 2022 [3 favorites]
Metafilter: All eyeballs and cats and teeth.
posted by MrVisible at 4:37 PM on September 13, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by MrVisible at 4:37 PM on September 13, 2022 [5 favorites]
> There’s no agency given to the player - just roll some dice, tabulate some numbers and done.
You can throw one potato to remove one orc.
I can see how these can be fun, like watching a marble race or a sportsball game.
This seems more my speed, as it includes player choices and role-play.
ask.metafilter.com - low prep rpg games
Did GOAT CRASHERS appear on the blue previously? I feel like it must have.
posted by sebastienbailard at 7:50 PM on September 13, 2022 [2 favorites]
You can throw one potato to remove one orc.
I can see how these can be fun, like watching a marble race or a sportsball game.
This seems more my speed, as it includes player choices and role-play.
more of his games.
Grant Howitt
@gshowitt
GOAT CRASHERS is a one-page RPG with a simple premise: you're a CHEEKY LITTLE GOAT who wants to PARTY
ask.metafilter.com - low prep rpg games
Did GOAT CRASHERS appear on the blue previously? I feel like it must have.
posted by sebastienbailard at 7:50 PM on September 13, 2022 [2 favorites]
See also:
Grant Howitt @gshowittposted by sebastienbailard at 7:57 PM on September 13, 2022 [2 favorites]
This month's free 1-page RPG is PRIDE AND EXTREME PREJUDICE, a game about ladies of a marriageable age and their giant robots.
I also like the one where the cute farm animals have killed Beatrix Potter and need to get her buried, quick.
Linked this one in a group chat and had a very interesting conversation with someone who briefly managed to get Beatrix Potter mixed up with Bellatrix Lestrange (from Harry Potter). The thought jump, understandable; the result, hilarious.
posted by brook horse at 8:30 PM on September 13, 2022 [3 favorites]
Linked this one in a group chat and had a very interesting conversation with someone who briefly managed to get Beatrix Potter mixed up with Bellatrix Lestrange (from Harry Potter). The thought jump, understandable; the result, hilarious.
posted by brook horse at 8:30 PM on September 13, 2022 [3 favorites]
By simulating a million dice rolls, I have the percentages of endings working out as such (to one decimal place, and assuming you don't hurl any potatoes):
- Eaten by orcs - 48.3% chance
- Whisked away by wizard - 25.2% chance.
- Safely ensconced with potatoes - 26.4% chance.
posted by solarion at 9:05 PM on September 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
- Eaten by orcs - 48.3% chance
- Whisked away by wizard - 25.2% chance.
- Safely ensconced with potatoes - 26.4% chance.
posted by solarion at 9:05 PM on September 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
I recommend Battle of the Brontes. It's got a bit more role playing than Potato (unsurprisingly).
posted by kaibutsu at 9:52 PM on September 13, 2022
posted by kaibutsu at 9:52 PM on September 13, 2022
MetaFilter: there's a 1/3 chance of the world getting more dangerous
posted by chavenet at 12:57 AM on September 14, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by chavenet at 12:57 AM on September 14, 2022 [4 favorites]
I've enjoyed Oliver Darkshire's one-page TTRPGs, but that enjoyment soured slightly the other day when he had a pop at humorous naval history blogger TheDreadShips for having the temerity to post a one-page TTRPG without giving him credit. I thought he was joking at first, but no, Darkshire does seem to think that he has some sort right to be acknowledged in other people's one-pagers.
posted by Major Clanger at 4:40 AM on September 14, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by Major Clanger at 4:40 AM on September 14, 2022 [1 favorite]
Darkshire does seem to think that he has some sort right to be acknowledged in other people's one-pagers.
I mean he's not like he's expecting credit for the concept of a one-page RPG in general, but that battleship one is *literally* the exact same game as Potato but with the stats renamed. When one-pagers build off of the Lasers & Feelings system, for example, they usually have the grace to mention that they're based on that prior work.
posted by FatherDagon at 7:20 AM on September 14, 2022 [5 favorites]
I mean he's not like he's expecting credit for the concept of a one-page RPG in general, but that battleship one is *literally* the exact same game as Potato but with the stats renamed. When one-pagers build off of the Lasers & Feelings system, for example, they usually have the grace to mention that they're based on that prior work.
posted by FatherDagon at 7:20 AM on September 14, 2022 [5 favorites]
By simulating a million dice rolls
A valiant effort! But... well then it would seem you took all the rich decision making out of the game. Sure, potato throwing is rarely optimal, but just as surely those simulations overestimate the the orc endings and underestimate the others, bc there's at least some chance that chucking a tater can change an orc ending to one of the others.
posted by SaltySalticid at 10:29 AM on September 14, 2022
A valiant effort! But... well then it would seem you took all the rich decision making out of the game. Sure, potato throwing is rarely optimal, but just as surely those simulations overestimate the the orc endings and underestimate the others, bc there's at least some chance that chucking a tater can change an orc ending to one of the others.
posted by SaltySalticid at 10:29 AM on September 14, 2022
I'm interested in the little strategy there is.
What if you changed the dice rolling program to say: if and only if it costs one potato to remove one orc, and you have at least one potato and at least one orc to remove, always throw a potato.
Maybe play a little bit with strategy optimizations. If there's player agency, there's player strategy. What's the best way to play?
posted by seanmpuckett at 12:56 PM on September 14, 2022 [1 favorite]
What if you changed the dice rolling program to say: if and only if it costs one potato to remove one orc, and you have at least one potato and at least one orc to remove, always throw a potato.
Maybe play a little bit with strategy optimizations. If there's player agency, there's player strategy. What's the best way to play?
posted by seanmpuckett at 12:56 PM on September 14, 2022 [1 favorite]
Hmm it's probably possible to calculate the number of potatoes, on average, you get with each turn without running a simulation. And also the number of orcs-per-turn on average. I don't believe they are dependent on each other? If you multiply potato-per-turn return by how many potatoes you need to eliminate an orc, and that number is greater than the orc-per-turn return, then you know you should throw potatoes. Otherwise not.
posted by seanmpuckett at 1:02 PM on September 14, 2022
posted by seanmpuckett at 1:02 PM on September 14, 2022
OK it looks like every turn you will on average gain 0.333 orc and 0.166 potato, which suggests you should never, ever throw potatoes at orcs and you should just pray for lucky dice.
I'm a little disappointed, but on the other hand, a game you could easily win the first time is probably not as fun as one as one you have to play a few times to win. Psychology!
posted by seanmpuckett at 3:46 PM on September 14, 2022 [2 favorites]
I'm a little disappointed, but on the other hand, a game you could easily win the first time is probably not as fun as one as one you have to play a few times to win. Psychology!
posted by seanmpuckett at 3:46 PM on September 14, 2022 [2 favorites]
That's just routine expected value analysis, as someone else pointed out.
Note the expected human has around one ovary and one testicle. Which is to say that expected value doesn't always give you the best analysis for dealing with a particular case. Think of situations when the chance of losing to orcs next turn is high, and the summed chances of getting either the other (presumable preferable) endings in two turns if you chuck one potato are a little higher.
This also gets at the notion that ideal play depends on giving a value or preference score to each outcome too.
posted by SaltySalticid at 7:44 PM on September 15, 2022
Note the expected human has around one ovary and one testicle. Which is to say that expected value doesn't always give you the best analysis for dealing with a particular case. Think of situations when the chance of losing to orcs next turn is high, and the summed chances of getting either the other (presumable preferable) endings in two turns if you chuck one potato are a little higher.
This also gets at the notion that ideal play depends on giving a value or preference score to each outcome too.
posted by SaltySalticid at 7:44 PM on September 15, 2022
A valiant effort! But... well then it would seem you took all the rich decision making out of the game.
Oh, absolutely. Rich decision making is much harder to simulate. Given that the cost of throwing potatoes at orcs increases quickly, I think the orc ending is still much more likely than the other two.
What if you changed the dice rolling program to say: if and only if it costs one potato to remove one orc, and you have at least one potato and at least one orc to remove, always throw a potato.
I'll give this a try!
posted by solarion at 1:15 AM on September 16, 2022
Oh, absolutely. Rich decision making is much harder to simulate. Given that the cost of throwing potatoes at orcs increases quickly, I think the orc ending is still much more likely than the other two.
What if you changed the dice rolling program to say: if and only if it costs one potato to remove one orc, and you have at least one potato and at least one orc to remove, always throw a potato.
I'll give this a try!
posted by solarion at 1:15 AM on September 16, 2022
What if you changed the dice rolling program to say: if and only if it costs one potato to remove one orc, and you have at least one potato and at least one orc to remove, always throw a potato.
Results:
Eaten by orcs - 46.6% chance.
Whisked away by wizard - 27.8% chance.
Potato safety - 25.6% chance.
So if you're looking to stay with your potatoes, it's a bad play; but if you're just looking to survive, it improves things.
posted by solarion at 1:29 AM on September 16, 2022 [1 favorite]
Results:
Eaten by orcs - 46.6% chance.
Whisked away by wizard - 27.8% chance.
Potato safety - 25.6% chance.
So if you're looking to stay with your potatoes, it's a bad play; but if you're just looking to survive, it improves things.
posted by solarion at 1:29 AM on September 16, 2022 [1 favorite]
Oliver Darkshire now has a Patreon for those interested in his one-page RPGs.
posted by gentlyepigrams at 3:25 PM on September 17, 2022
posted by gentlyepigrams at 3:25 PM on September 17, 2022
An update: this morning he has released Left Wing Office Cat, a tribute to Jorts, with the same mechanic
posted by Countess Elena at 9:15 AM on September 21, 2022
posted by Countess Elena at 9:15 AM on September 21, 2022
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I feel very seen right now.
posted by Mayor West at 7:43 AM on September 13, 2022 [10 favorites]