peterme's bathroom
June 5, 2000 6:31 AM   Subscribe

peterme's bathroom There's a story... About a man name Haughey... Who attended a party... (sing this to the brady bunch theme song)
posted by efader (19 comments total)
Here's a story,
'bout a man named Haughey,
who got stuck behind a door without a knob.

Well, ok, there was a knob,
but it was broken...
the poor, unlucky slob.

So this man reached in his bag and grabbed his cell phone,
and he called the folks out in the living room.
Well, they all cracked up...
but then they helped him.
It was a scary job.

[ Music modulates up one key. ]

Someone found him just the right tool: a screw-driver;
But they couldn't get it through the window screen.
Peter bent the bars, and stuffed that little tool through,
and it's a good thing cause I've just run out of rhymes.

It's peterme...
It's peterme...
Don't ever take a crap while visiting peterme!

[ Duh-da da da daa daa da da daa. ]
posted by baylink at 6:57 AM on June 5, 2000

There's no reason to lack something to sing along with.
posted by plinth at 7:09 AM on June 5, 2000

Somebody buy that man a leatherman tool. I wish it would have happened to me, if only to justify the hardware store I keep on my belt.
posted by thirteen at 7:32 AM on June 5, 2000

Matt, you did remember to take a mirror picture for Heather's Web celeb loo project, didn't you?
posted by jkottke at 7:42 AM on June 5, 2000

There are some of us who consider a Leatherman to be overkill, but still find ourselves asking, "What Would MacGyver Do??"
posted by harmful at 7:54 AM on June 5, 2000

Ummmm.... Matt. I know that you had more important things, like survival, on your mind, but if you neglected to memorialize the moment, I'm just going to have to spank you!
posted by heather at 9:48 AM on June 5, 2000

I guess I was too focused on getting out. I actually had my digital camera in my pocket while I was stuck in his loo.

Let this serve as a lesson to all: when you're in an odd situation, first off, don't panic, second, try to think of the web content you can capture and create given the gadgets you have on you. :)
posted by mathowie at 10:28 AM on June 5, 2000

If Heather is going to spank Matt, I'm selling tickets.
posted by plinth at 10:54 AM on June 5, 2000

Maybe I'm getting a little Frohike, but does anybody else see a connection between this incident and mathowie's comment on a previous post by peterme?
posted by wendell at 11:30 AM on June 5, 2000

Plinth! Pointing me to pages that want to install gratuitous code in my browser... Baaaad boy.

posted by baylink at 11:31 AM on June 5, 2000

I sense that the moment will need to be recreated for posterity, so to speak. Just like all the best news shows. "This is a dramatic re-enactment. No doorknobs were harmed during this shoot."
posted by mikel at 11:52 AM on June 5, 2000

ISn't there something a little disturbing about the way the blog crowd like to loiter in toilets?
posted by holgate at 4:10 PM on June 5, 2000

well, my excuse is that i'm a potty mouth. i don't know what everyone else's is... matt, i'm very veklempt at the moment. you owe me one.
posted by heather at 4:18 PM on June 5, 2000

At parties, at least, bathrooms are the new kitchens.
posted by plinth at 7:08 PM on June 5, 2000

I really wish you hadn't posted this, because now I've got that damned song going through my head, and I really hate it.
posted by Steven Den Beste at 8:14 PM on June 5, 2000

heh heh, he said knob, heh heh
posted by prolific at 2:55 AM on June 6, 2000


Hey don't look at me folks, she started it! ;-)
posted by tomcosgrave at 2:51 PM on June 6, 2000

Oh... dear... what could the matter be?
Mathowie's got himself stuck in the lavatory...
posted by holgate at 3:19 PM on June 6, 2000

Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Mathowie's got himself locked in the lavatory.
Afraid he'll be trapped there from Sunday to Saturday
Nobody knew he was there

Matt was relaxed as he entered the loo
He just had to do what a man's got to do
But the door of the loo wasn't closing quite to
He feared they could see right in there

He leaned on the door and it wedged into place
Allowing our hero some personal space
To perform certain deeds without losing face
No one could see inside there

Relieved with his bladder no longer so tight
And gripping the doorknob with manliest might
He turned the knob left, then he turned the knob right
But that door was going nowhere

Faced as he was with a door like a wall
He thought he'd just give his old comrades a call
But Mathowie's shouting they could not hear at all
The music was blasting out there

Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Mathowie's got himself locked in the lavatory.
Afraid he'll be trapped there from Sunday to Saturday
Nobody knew he was there

Alas poor old Matt, he felt so alone
So he called his pal Ev on his cellular phone
"Evan come save me!" he said with a groan
Now someone knew he was there

Perhaps it is better when trapped like a rat
That your comical friends don't know where you're at
For now the whole party was laughing at Matt
"Haughey is trapped inside where?!"

Handle wouldn't open from inside or out
It had to come off, of that there's no doubt,
"But I've got no tools" said our Matt with a pout
Definitely trapped inside there

Peter's a host who's prepared for the worst
"Screwdriver drinks, sure, but tools are a first.
I'll serve it to Matt" he said, then he cursed:
He couldn't get it in there

Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Mathowie's got himself locked in the lavatory.
Afraid he'll be trapped there from Sunday to Saturday
Nobody knew he was there

Visions of rescue danced in Matt's head
But he feared he'd be trapped 'til the party had fled
No exit forthcoming, his heart sank like lead
He didn't want to be there

The window was blocked with strong little screen
From outside Sir Peter inspected the scene
He bent all the bars with machismo like Veen,
said "Matt, get your butt out of there."

Screwdriver in hand Matt assaulted the latch
Receiving some help with releasing the catch
When the door opened, he leapt right out, 'natch
No need to stay inside there

Claustrophobia might rank as his livliest fear
For Matt's lingering terrors at least there's a cure
Get back in that bathroom, for Jezabel's Mirror
Needs a picture of him inside there!
posted by MetaGrrrl at 11:03 PM on June 6, 2000

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