Dolly Parton’s “9 to 5” Adjusted for Late-Stage Capitalism

March 10, 2023 3:46 PM

Updated lyrics for 2023, enjoy! Via McSweeney's Original lyrics from 1980: They let you dream just to watch 'em shatter You're just a step on the boss man's ladder But you've got dreams he'll never take away In the same boat with a lot of your friends Waitin' for the day your ship'll come in And the tide's gonna turn an' it's all gonna roll your way New version on McSweeney's, 43 years later: Zillow lets you dream just to watch them shatter When the housing bubble bursts it won’t even matter ’Cause you got loans they won’t cancel anyway In the same boat with a lot of your friends Waiting for the day you can use that MFA Wish those unpaid internships would’ve had some sway
posted by Word_Salad (6 comments total)

On a related note, I had to send someone an email today about how they no longer owed money for something and they were all "I still have to pay off my student loans for the next 30 years!" Me: well, um....one less thing, I guess.....????

Love these lyrics.
posted by jenfullmoon at 4:49 PM on March 10, 2023 [1 favorite]

That's............. a little too spot on.
posted by sauril at 7:12 PM on March 10, 2023 [1 favorite]

No youtube link? Somebody needs to perform this one, it's just too good.
posted by DreamerFi at 1:08 AM on March 11, 2023 [1 favorite]

My wife and I have now sung it through twice. There are some stanzas that don't match the original and it definitely gets muddy through a few parts, but there is some absolute brilliance in the verse that lines up closest at this point:

Working 8 to 6, get replaced by automation
Barely gettin’ by, shouldn’t wages match inflation?
Piss in a bottle while your boss buys a rocket
Vote to make a change, and they turn around and block it

posted by Nanukthedog at 1:28 PM on March 11, 2023 [4 favorites]

That's............. a little too spot on.

No youtube link? Somebody needs to perform this one, it's just too good.

No. It. is. not. Not at all. It sucks. It sucks past black hole suckiness into somebody throw a bathrobe over that naked singularity .
posted by y2karl at 9:59 AM on March 12, 2023

I'll never understand McSweeny's I guess.
posted by smammy at 9:16 PM on March 12, 2023