please read the section for new members before posting to the main chat

April 27, 2023 1:57 PM

All Things Great and Small: Excerpts From A Secret Whatsapp Group Of The Neighbors of Peter Glazebrook, Giant Vegetable Farmer

(Danny Lavery may be a wizard or something, I don't even know)

posted by praemunire (24 comments total)

Metafilter: The Annual Cruciferous Freak Show
posted by jferg at 2:07 PM on April 27, 2023 [2 favorites]

Lavery really has a finger on the pulse, deep in the succulent marrow.
posted by chavenet at 2:12 PM on April 27, 2023 [3 favorites]

remember, every gourd needs a hug
posted by clavdivs at 2:15 PM on April 27, 2023 [5 favorites]

clavdivs: please read the section for new members before posting to the main chat again
posted by slkinsey at 2:21 PM on April 27, 2023 [11 favorites]

I'm glad they at least have respect for Big Pig.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 2:31 PM on April 27, 2023 [3 favorites]

I spent years of my childhood grouchily eating my grandfather's prizewinning novelty squashes all winter and this is SENDING ME. Laughed out loud multiple times reading it, seriously.

They tasted ok tbh for winter squash, but the thing about eating a freakishly, prize-winningly huge vegetable is it can take weeks to get through one. And that whole time if you are eating anything else (AS A TREAT!!) everyone is just looking at the damn squash like "see you again tomorrow, asshole."
posted by potrzebie at 2:33 PM on April 27, 2023 [23 favorites]

Amazing.
posted by slogger at 2:33 PM on April 27, 2023

Also, my neighborhood has this exact thing happening and it's all about the guy who's trying to foster a community around a bocce league. He's universally hated and it's amazing.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 2:37 PM on April 27, 2023 [3 favorites]

I have to say that "freakish root handshake" is a turn of phrase that will be with me for a while.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 2:44 PM on April 27, 2023 [1 favorite]

Macro ag-gressions.
posted by snofoam at 2:49 PM on April 27, 2023 [2 favorites]

It’s terrible that Lavery should be forever denied the pleasure of randomly browsing the Internet, coming across a Lavery piece and being stunned and amazed at how unearthly good it is.
posted by jamjam at 2:59 PM on April 27, 2023 [10 favorites]

I thought this was making fun of how shitty and unwelcoming neighborhood chats were...
posted by FritoKAL at 3:43 PM on April 27, 2023 [5 favorites]

FritoKal: please read the section for new members before posting to the main chat again
posted by praemunire at 3:48 PM on April 27, 2023 [6 favorites]

Glazebrook, a lithe, 76-year-old former building surveyor
"Lithe" doesn't get applied to septuagenarian men often enough.
(I'm lookin' at you, David Strathairn.)
posted by Iris Gambol at 4:04 PM on April 27, 2023 [1 favorite]

Ah, now I see. We're making fun of how unwelcoming and shitty -all- web communities can be.
posted by FritoKAL at 4:11 PM on April 27, 2023 [2 favorites]

MetaFilter: how unwelcoming and shitty -all- web communities can be.
posted by Merus at 4:55 PM on April 27, 2023 [3 favorites]

"it’s not farming! i don’t know what it is, maybe it’s a sex thing, but it’s NOT farming"

“everyone come and look at me, I’ve found a kohlrabi the size of Whitehall” okay? i have 7000 kohlrabis to tend to, you’re not"

I'm using my Bill Nighy voice.
posted by clavdivs at 6:25 PM on April 27, 2023 [1 favorite]

potrzebie: the thing about eating a freakishly, prize-winningly huge vegetable is it can take weeks to get through one

My mom says that "hell is two people and a ham."
posted by wenestvedt at 6:38 PM on April 27, 2023 [2 favorites]

My mom says that "hell is two people and a ham."

I’m sure your mom is an otherwise nice lady, but she’s wrong about this.

But then, I occasionally declare Ham Week in my household, so I am biased.
posted by Big Al 8000 at 7:14 PM on April 27, 2023 [1 favorite]

"just because you CAN grow a three-metre broccoli doesn’t mean you SHOULD"
posted by blue shadows at 9:25 PM on April 27, 2023 [3 favorites]

I had to google Mr. Glazebrook, and sure enough, he's a real person. He looks so happy in the pictures with his giant vegetables!
posted by Harald74 at 10:55 PM on April 27, 2023

Metafilter: i don’t know what it is, maybe it’s a sex thing, but it’s NOT farming
posted by Thella at 3:12 AM on April 28, 2023 [2 favorites]

British cosplay level: not 100% successful - we don't say 'zucchini' (they're courgettes over here), Whitehall is primarily a euphemism for the civil service so not something you would really use as a physical size comparison, and 'this year over last' isn't idiomatic here afaik.

and 'neighbours' and 'honoured' both have U's in :)
posted by aihal at 1:48 AM on April 29, 2023 [3 favorites]

“Cardoon” is an inherently funny word
posted by TangoCharlie at 10:35 AM on April 29, 2023