The Incredible Sulk

May 27, 2023 10:48 AM

The joy of sulk. "Full of implicit rules and paradoxes, sulking is a marvellous example of intense communication without clear declaration," writes Rebecca Roache at aeon.
posted by misteraitch (4 comments total)

Really interesting! The powerful nature of the person being targeted by the sulk really resonates with me. Various people in my life can tend to communicate this way and it often feels like a physical blow. I don't find the to be magic in the non communications piece, at least not for the target. In my experience, mentioning it leads to declarations that it's not what's happening, followed by a retrenchment of the behavior.
posted by Carillon at 2:33 PM on May 27, 2023 [1 favorite]

Just this week I was the target of a massive multi-day sulk, didn’t acknowledge it one whit, and sure enough they eventually just got tired of spending all that energy on nothing. Behaviour totally back to normal now.
posted by seanmpuckett at 3:09 PM on May 27, 2023 [1 favorite]

I sure hope no one is taking advice from this author. Exploring the philosophy of interpersonal behavior is one thing: assertions that we can or should “[begin] from the assumption that the sulker is a cooperative communicator despite their withdrawal”, or that sulking is a tool women use to get their way, among others made here, have zero credibility coming from an academic philosopher.
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 5:59 PM on May 27, 2023 [3 favorites]

The problem with sulking — as with all forms of passive aggressive behaviour — is that it only works if the target cares how the sulker feels. If the target does not care, then the behaviour is easy to ignore and has no power.

If the target does care, the behaviour might be successful in the short term, but is likely to breed resentment and lack of respect. It’s a no-win situation for everybody.
posted by rpfields at 8:52 PM on May 27, 2023 [4 favorites]