“CHEESE! CHEESE! CHEESE! CHEESE! CHEESE! CHEESE! CHEESE!”

May 29, 2023 10:50 AM

It is the start of summer, traditionally marked by running, almost balletically, down a steep hill (good 2014 footage) in pursuit of a 7lb (3kg) Double Gloucester cheese wheel. 2023 passed with only an array of broken bones and twisted ankles, and no fatalities or unfortunate decapitations, though (BBC) “...the women's race was won by Delaney Irving who was knocked unconscious [CW: spectacular bounce-and-roll] as she chased the cheese ... another international winner was Ryoya Minami from Japan. Asked why he entered the race, he replied 'because I love cheese'.”
posted by Wordshore (50 comments total)

wordshore gonna wordshore

WORDSHORE ON METAFILTER is an anagram of REWARD NTH TOMFOOLERIES
we wuv woo wowdshaww!!!!!!!!!
posted by lalochezia at 10:56 AM on May 29, 2023 [13 favorites]

There was an episode of some Netflix documentary about crazy competitions that featured this race. It’s hard to believe life-changing injuries are relatively uncommon. They’ve got to be all drunk, right?
posted by skewed at 10:57 AM on May 29, 2023 [3 favorites]

They’ve got to be all drunk, right?

I know that prospective competitors in previous years who were "too drunk" have been forbidden to race, on the grounds that their judgement may be impaired and they may be too much of a danger to themselves and other competitors.

Having said that, did notice in one of the many videos from this year that a competitor is holding a nearly-empty gallon carton of cider, so hmmm.
posted by Wordshore at 11:03 AM on May 29, 2023 [5 favorites]

The BBC describes the hill as "almost vertical". If that's the error margin, it's "almost horizontal" as well.
posted by Dysk at 11:08 AM on May 29, 2023 [2 favorites]

Asked why he entered the race, he replied 'because I love cheese'.”

Even better than “because it was there.”
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:09 AM on May 29, 2023 [5 favorites]

On the issue of safety, injuries, etc. there is no emergency cover. Gloucestershire Live: “A spokesperson for Gloucestershire Police said: 'The Tewkesbury Borough Safety Advisory Group (SAG) has met to discuss the annual cheese rolling event held at Cooper’s Hill, but the lack of any formal plans from organisers has left the group unable to declare the event safe for the public.'”

The first injured competitor of 2023 is carried away.

Some photographs.
posted by Wordshore at 11:24 AM on May 29, 2023 [2 favorites]

I have to assume that the phrases "Double Gloucester cheese wheel" and "unfortunate decapitations" don't appear in the same sentence very often but I'm prepared to have my mind, if not my skull, opened on the topic.
posted by mhoye at 11:29 AM on May 29, 2023 [4 favorites]

Roll around and rind out.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 11:32 AM on May 29, 2023 [15 favorites]

Glostechire?

Glostechire!??

what is wrong with people
posted by flabdablet at 11:57 AM on May 29, 2023 [3 favorites]

If you are thinking of doing it next year, but you have teenage children, that's fine - they can participate too:

Radseason: "It’s not only the downhill. The event also sees an uphill challenge. Racing from the bottom of Cooper Hill to the top. There is also a kid’s uphill race for any kids aged 12 and older. It is a real family event!"

Glostechire!??

Yeah, that made me grimace as well, and considered including that abomination of spelling in the Content Warning.
posted by Wordshore at 12:04 PM on May 29, 2023

thanks Worcher
posted by flabdablet at 12:35 PM on May 29, 2023 [9 favorites]

what is wrong with people

cheese?
posted by lalochezia at 12:43 PM on May 29, 2023 [2 favorites]

The Netflix documentary "We Are The Champions" has a lovely bit on this.
posted by The otter lady at 12:54 PM on May 29, 2023 [1 favorite]

Yeah, that made me grimace as well, and considered including that abomination of spelling in the Content Warning.

You can’t spell “Glostechire” without “ire.” And “lost.”
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:11 PM on May 29, 2023 [2 favorites]

I read "almost balletically" as "almost ballistically" and I've decided that my version is better.
posted by tommasz at 1:39 PM on May 29, 2023 [12 favorites]

I did some rambling in the Cotswolds on a vacation many years ago and saw the hill. It is much steeper than it seems in the video; the clip where people are climbing up on all fours gives a hint of what it's really like. In fact, I had a bit of trouble finding the marked trail down and briefly felt rising panic as I wondered if I was supposed to walk down the hill--it felt to steep even for that.

OTOH I really like cheese too, so I'm not saying I'd have ruled out joining the race if it were that time of year.
posted by mark k at 2:13 PM on May 29, 2023 [2 favorites]

Also kudos to the women in the first video who used the strategy of somersaulting / rolling down the whole way, not even trying to stay on her feet. She either won or came in a very close second.
posted by mark k at 2:15 PM on May 29, 2023 [2 favorites]

MetaFilter: no fatalities or unfortunate decapitations
posted by Splunge at 2:20 PM on May 29, 2023 [6 favorites]

If you can think of a better way to get cheese, I’d like to hear it
posted by staggernation at 2:26 PM on May 29, 2023 [6 favorites]

What I can't figure is why the cheese takes part in this. It's so cruel to the cheese!
posted by flamewise at 2:27 PM on May 29, 2023 [4 favorites]

I'll admit that the only reason I know of cheese rolling as an activity is Neopets. I think it gave me the impression that it was way more widespread than it actually is.
posted by Pitachu at 2:30 PM on May 29, 2023 [3 favorites]

This reminds me of the time some college classmates decided to play “Live-Action Donkey Kong,” in which participants had to run up a hill nearly this steep (though not nearly as high) while someone at the top rolled empty beer kegs down at them. Never much of an athlete, my contribution to the festivities was focused primarily on helping make sure there were plenty of empty kegs.

And thinking about that story, I have decided (and have no interest in being disabused) that Cooper’s Hill got its moniker because of a tradition of rolling wooden barrels down it as a quality-control practice.
posted by nickmark at 2:41 PM on May 29, 2023 [4 favorites]

Ah, Terry Pratchett & Tiffany Aching, and here I thought cheese races were a fictional bizarreness!
posted by Mesaverdian at 2:45 PM on May 29, 2023 [3 favorites]

A metaphor in search of a meaning.
posted by Phanx at 2:54 PM on May 29, 2023 [1 favorite]

From “Mason & Dixon,” [Thomas] Pynchon’s description of “The Octuple Gloucester.”

“Scaled up from the dimensions of the classic Single Gloucester, not only in Thickness, but actually octupled in all dimensions, making it more like a 512-fold or Quincentenaridoudecuple Gloucester,–running to nearly four tons in weight when green, and even after shrinkage towering ten feet high by the time it emerged from the giant Shed built at the outskirts of town especially for this unprecedented Caseifaction,–the extraordinary Cheese, as it slowly aged, had already provided material for months of public Rumor.”

source
posted by chavenet at 3:23 PM on May 29, 2023 [5 favorites]

I grew up round there. I knew one or two winners before they were winners. They definitely weren't particularly sensible beforehand, let alone after.
posted by edd at 4:19 PM on May 29, 2023 [11 favorites]

Ah, Terry Pratchett & Tiffany Aching...

Horace!!!!

“Cheese runners shouted at it, tried to grab it, and flailed at it with sticks, but the piratical cheese scythed onward, reaching the bottom just ahead of the terrible carnage of men and cheeses as they piled up. Then it rolled back to the top and sat there demurely while still gently vibrating.
At the bottom of the slope, fights were breaking out among the cheese jockeys who were still capable of punching somebody, and since everybody was watching that, Tiffany took the opportunity to snatch up Horace and shove him in her bag. After all, he was hers. Well, that was to say she had made him, although something odd must have gone into the mix since Horace was the only cheese that would eat mice and, if you didn't nail him down, other cheeses as well.”
― Terry Pratchett, I Shall Wear Midnight
posted by ClingClang at 4:26 PM on May 29, 2023 [3 favorites]

And it's just a little past Shavout, a Jewish holiday which includes eating dairy, so the timing is good. Jews are not obligated to chase their cheese down.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 5:44 PM on May 29, 2023 [1 favorite]

For a few years now, I have been amused by the cheese race as a concept, but I was satisfied with hearing about it or reading about it, and never saw any pictures or videos of the event.

As such, the cheese rolling as it appeared in my head was vastly different from the reality in two pretty significant ways.

First, I thought the hill in question was a paved road, rather than a lumpy, grassy, steep near-cliff. I imagined a rather stately affair that got faster and faster as it progressed.

Second, I thought the cheese wheel was as big as a millstone, and that you didn’t dare get in front of it once it had picked up some speed, and everyone chased after it to keep it from falling over once it got onto level ground at the bottom and slowed down.

I’m not sure now which version I prefer, but I can’t really go back now that I know the truth.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 5:54 PM on May 29, 2023 [3 favorites]

"The cheese can reach speeds of up to 70mph"

Truly a finer sentence has never been written by human hand.
https://www.nottinghampost.com/news/uk-world-news/gallery/photos-annual-cheese-rolling-event-8478574
posted by blue_beetle at 6:07 PM on May 29, 2023 [5 favorites]

Oh my goodness my partner had never heard of this, we watched the videos together at dinner. The toddler asked what we watching and he said “people being strange”.
posted by lepus at 6:29 PM on May 29, 2023 [3 favorites]

Delaney Irving's win was mildly big news out here on the edge of beyond: ‘I’m still in shock’: Nanaimo teen wins world famous cheese rolling race
posted by Rumple at 7:06 PM on May 29, 2023 [4 favorites]

In Soviet New Zealand, the cheese rolls you down hill.
posted by bartleby at 8:10 PM on May 29, 2023 [3 favorites]

Cotswold is my favorite cheese.
posted by bendy at 8:25 PM on May 29, 2023 [1 favorite]

I did this in 2003. The hill is indeed more of a cliff than a hill, in parts. If you stand up you can reach out horizontally and touch the ground.

The barely - controlled barrel roll did seem to be safer than the run. Before I did it I watched a few runs and those than ran inevitably fell after a handful of steps, crashing face first into the hill. The 'safer' technique was to take a few steps then launch yourself sideways and roll sideways in a kind of barrel shape. Or to slide down on your butt, but that was never going to win.

As for why... because humans are silly and spectacular and this is a chance to be silly and spectacular with them
posted by twirlypen at 10:16 PM on May 29, 2023 [9 favorites]

Second, I thought the cheese wheel was as big as a millstone,

No, you're on to something because first and most importantly more cheese.

But additionally what if the cheese wheel was large enough that someone could, perhaps, crawl inside of it like a barrel or tractor tire and then roll down the hill in a great hollowed out wheel of cheese.

Following that line of thinking it seems reasonable that this find tradition could be expanded with additional events such as a sort of cheese-rolling triathlon or relay race as either individual or team efforts in which a great wheel of cheese must be hollowed out into a shape suitable for a passenger to roll in it by eating it hollow. Perhaps even include a talent portion with costumes, creativity and skits.

So, part competitive cheese eating, part engineering competition, part team bobsled race and part Red Bull Soapbox Derby or Flugtag.
posted by loquacious at 10:56 PM on May 29, 2023 [3 favorites]

From Rumple's link, this great quote: "I remember falling, hitting my head and then waking up in the medical tent … and the cheese was on my lap, and I thought, ‘Wow, this is crazy,'” said Irving."
posted by tavella at 11:43 PM on May 29, 2023 [9 favorites]

Props to the line of hefty folks at the bottom of the hill acting as a human safety barrier!
posted by faceplantingcheetah at 3:37 AM on May 30, 2023 [2 favorites]

A rare occasion where the local rugby club can do skills training and community service at the same time!
posted by Dysk at 4:21 AM on May 30, 2023 [3 favorites]

Jews are not obligated to chase their cheese down.

“While you are not obligated to catch the cheese, nor are you permitted to desist in its pursuit.”
posted by mhoye at 5:58 AM on May 30, 2023 [3 favorites]

I know that prospective competitors in previous years who were "too drunk" have been forbidden to race, on the grounds that their judgement may be impaired and they may be too much of a danger to themselves and other competitors.

Having said that, did notice in one of the many videos from this year that a competitor is holding a nearly-empty gallon carton of cider, so hmmm.

look it's simple ya just gotta be in the sweet spot between "too drunk to race" and "not drunk enough to race"
posted by mightygodking at 6:42 AM on May 30, 2023 [5 favorites]

I believe my upcoming Cotswold Way walk will go right by the hill. May have a roll whilst in the neighbourhood.
posted by terrapin at 7:04 AM on May 30, 2023 [1 favorite]

Being covered in glory and having a wheel of Double Gloucester, no wonder it's popular. The US has imported cheeses, and some perfectly fine cheeses made here, but British cheese is just leagues ahead of us.
posted by theora55 at 8:38 AM on May 30, 2023 [1 favorite]

I've got a relevant cheery, earwormy song for this one....
posted by sciatrix at 8:51 AM on May 30, 2023 [2 favorites]

but British cheese is just leagues ahead of us.

Especially when it’s been pushed down a steep hill.
posted by nat at 9:07 AM on May 30, 2023 [3 favorites]

How do they keep their clothes on? I expected to see groggy, half-dressed contestants pulling up their knickers and scrambling back up the embankment in search of their keys and wallets.
posted by TrishaU at 9:27 AM on May 30, 2023 [1 favorite]

Especially when it’s been pushed down a steep hill. What's the mileage on this baby?
posted by theora55 at 3:00 PM on May 30, 2023 [1 favorite]

Wrote this caption for a photo of the event for the paper on Monday: FEATS OF DAIRY-DO: For participants in the Cooper’s Hill Cheese-Rolling and Wake competition in Brockworth, England, on Monday, there was a will—and a whey—while chasing the wheel downhill.
posted by AJaffe at 8:57 AM on May 31, 2023 [4 favorites]

Some post-event reporting from the BBC; it turns out that only six people ended up in hospital, and the worst injury was a broken leg.
posted by Wordshore at 1:33 AM on June 2, 2023

there was a will—and a whey

Just a bit of fun?
posted by flabdablet at 5:28 AM on June 2, 2023