A tech billionaire brawl for the ages that needs to happen.
June 23, 2023 7:28 AM Subscribe
Mark Zuckerberg is ready to fight Elon Musk in a cage match [The Verge] Here we go. After Elon Musk recently tweeted that he would be “up for a cage fight” with Zuckerberg, the Meta CEO shot back by posting a screenshot of Musk’s tweet with the caption “send me location.” I’ve confirmed that Zuckerberg’s post on his Instagram account is, in fact, not a joke, which means the ball is now in Musk’s court. “The story speaks for itself,” Meta spokesperson Iska Saric told me. After this story was published, Musk responded with two words: “Vegas Octagon.”
He then tweeted: “I have this great move that I call ‘The Walrus,’ where I just lie on top of my opponent and do nothing.” In terms of tech billionaire CEOs literally fighting, Musk versus Zuckerberg would be as good as it gets. Musk, 51, has the upper hand on Zuckerberg in terms of sheer physical size, and he has talked about being in “real hard-core street fights” when he was growing up in South Africa. Meanwhile, Zuckerberg, 39, is an aspirational MMA fighter who is already winning Jiu-Jitsu tournaments. He also claims to have recently completed the grueling “Murph Challenge” workout in just under 40 minutes.
He then tweeted: “I have this great move that I call ‘The Walrus,’ where I just lie on top of my opponent and do nothing.” In terms of tech billionaire CEOs literally fighting, Musk versus Zuckerberg would be as good as it gets. Musk, 51, has the upper hand on Zuckerberg in terms of sheer physical size, and he has talked about being in “real hard-core street fights” when he was growing up in South Africa. Meanwhile, Zuckerberg, 39, is an aspirational MMA fighter who is already winning Jiu-Jitsu tournaments. He also claims to have recently completed the grueling “Murph Challenge” workout in just under 40 minutes.
Can they both lose?
posted by rikschell at 7:32 AM on June 23, 2023 [56 favorites]
posted by rikschell at 7:32 AM on June 23, 2023 [56 favorites]
This is blatantly ridiculous - but at least it's blatantly ridiculous in a way that doesn't hurt other people.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:33 AM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:33 AM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
TWO MEN ENTER, ONE MAN LEAVES!
(one can hope anyways - of course that would inflate the victors ego to even more insane levels)
posted by rozcakj at 7:33 AM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
(one can hope anyways - of course that would inflate the victors ego to even more insane levels)
posted by rozcakj at 7:33 AM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
Can they both lose?
There's no question that both Elon and Mark are losers.
posted by Fizz at 7:34 AM on June 23, 2023 [34 favorites]
There's no question that both Elon and Mark are losers.
posted by Fizz at 7:34 AM on June 23, 2023 [34 favorites]
Waitwaitwait, I'm sorry, that mirror selfie of Mark Zuckerberg in the Crossfit plate carrier isn't a fake? I'm kinda shook.
posted by penduluum at 7:34 AM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by penduluum at 7:34 AM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
Two men enter, no one leaves.
posted by gottabefunky at 7:34 AM on June 23, 2023 [24 favorites]
posted by gottabefunky at 7:34 AM on June 23, 2023 [24 favorites]
i feel dirty even commenting on this post because it is obscene that this dumbness has been getting any press coverage at all, and by commenting on this post i am in a very small way contributing to the sad trend of people acknowledging that this exchange exists.
this story is precisely as worth following as two weedy cs undergrads joking about throwing down outside the rose and crown.
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 7:35 AM on June 23, 2023 [49 favorites]
this story is precisely as worth following as two weedy cs undergrads joking about throwing down outside the rose and crown.
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 7:35 AM on June 23, 2023 [49 favorites]
This is one of those false choices that pseudo-democracies/the media love to present - Musk and Zuckerberg are competing, root for one or the other based on which one you hate more, etc.
It's hard to avoid getting pulled in!
My only consolation is that Musk is not going to win and both of them will end up looking like idiots if they actually do this. It's like, Zuckerberg is structurally fascist, Musk is consciously fascist, Musk's dystopia is probably slight worse for me personally but Zuckerberg gets people real-life killed at scale outside the US.
posted by Frowner at 7:35 AM on June 23, 2023 [43 favorites]
It's hard to avoid getting pulled in!
My only consolation is that Musk is not going to win and both of them will end up looking like idiots if they actually do this. It's like, Zuckerberg is structurally fascist, Musk is consciously fascist, Musk's dystopia is probably slight worse for me personally but Zuckerberg gets people real-life killed at scale outside the US.
posted by Frowner at 7:35 AM on June 23, 2023 [43 favorites]
Are Mr Zuckerberg's ears really that pointy? If so, they could be useful stabbing weapons in the fight.
posted by misteraitch at 7:37 AM on June 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by misteraitch at 7:37 AM on June 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
My take on this is that if we collectively continue to mock them and drag their small petty egos, it'll force them into this ridiculous fight. Anything to get them into the ring so that they can further embarrass themselves is a win.
posted by Fizz at 7:37 AM on June 23, 2023 [14 favorites]
posted by Fizz at 7:37 AM on June 23, 2023 [14 favorites]
For some reason the tagline of Alien vs. Predator springs to mind.
posted by Johnny Assay at 7:38 AM on June 23, 2023 [32 favorites]
posted by Johnny Assay at 7:38 AM on June 23, 2023 [32 favorites]
do it for pink slips
posted by Ten Cold Hot Dogs at 7:39 AM on June 23, 2023 [12 favorites]
posted by Ten Cold Hot Dogs at 7:39 AM on June 23, 2023 [12 favorites]
Can we stop giving them free publicity?
posted by constraint at 7:39 AM on June 23, 2023 [14 favorites]
posted by constraint at 7:39 AM on June 23, 2023 [14 favorites]
This is kind of a thing, though. I don't know why but every once in a while YouTube will feed me some video about some kind of wrestling/MMA match between two YouTubers, ostensibly for settling a grudge or something. I'm sure mostly to drive views. But it's still this weird space we're in with a segment of the culture where calling someone out to a cage match like WWE is a real life thing has become, well, a real life thing.
posted by hippybear at 7:39 AM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by hippybear at 7:39 AM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
High class kayfabe
posted by cybrcamper at 7:41 AM on June 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by cybrcamper at 7:41 AM on June 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
zuckerberg is consciously fascist, though. he has spoken at length about his admiration for the emperor augustus and moreover has said augustus's hairstyle as depicted on statues and coins is the inspiration for the thing on his own personal head.
the distinguishing factor between them is that musk wears his fash gen-x style, as edgelord "ironic distance", whereas zuck is an elder millennial fascist and so dresses it up in vaporwave rome-ery.
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 7:42 AM on June 23, 2023 [32 favorites]
the distinguishing factor between them is that musk wears his fash gen-x style, as edgelord "ironic distance", whereas zuck is an elder millennial fascist and so dresses it up in vaporwave rome-ery.
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 7:42 AM on June 23, 2023 [32 favorites]
or some reason the tagline of Alien vs. Predator springs to mind.
This was exactly my first thought when I saw this FPP.
posted by Kitteh at 7:47 AM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
This was exactly my first thought when I saw this FPP.
posted by Kitteh at 7:47 AM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
Elon Musk calling his lawyers in a panic, asking if the Delaware Court of Chancery can force him to go through with the fight.
posted by saladin at 7:50 AM on June 23, 2023 [52 favorites]
posted by saladin at 7:50 AM on June 23, 2023 [52 favorites]
Can we stop giving them free publicity?
We need some sort of taxation system on tech billionaire memetic hazards like these. Any amount of time forced to spend imagining such an event, let alone it actually occurring, should incur a substantial fine. If it's televised anyone who catches it by accident ought to be able to sue them for intentional infliction of emotional distress. It seems only fair.
posted by BungaDunga at 7:51 AM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
We need some sort of taxation system on tech billionaire memetic hazards like these. Any amount of time forced to spend imagining such an event, let alone it actually occurring, should incur a substantial fine. If it's televised anyone who catches it by accident ought to be able to sue them for intentional infliction of emotional distress. It seems only fair.
posted by BungaDunga at 7:51 AM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
Elon Musk declares ‘cis’ and ‘cisgender’ will be considered slurs on Twitter that can be punishable with suspension
posted by Artw at 7:55 AM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by Artw at 7:55 AM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
they are not aliens or predators. they are men, small men, living in a small time.
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 7:55 AM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 7:55 AM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
Man, it says a lot when I hear about two people fighting and the person I'm rooting for is freakin Zuckerberg.
posted by brundlefly at 7:56 AM on June 23, 2023 [22 favorites]
posted by brundlefly at 7:56 AM on June 23, 2023 [22 favorites]
I think it's more relevant that Musk is performatively fascist these days in a much more ostentatious way than Zuckerberg, and relying much more on a cult of personality.
Whether Zuck wins or loses there are few people who might lose further faith in him as a leader. But if Musk loses (especially if it's a humiliating loss) then I could see a lot of his fans in the Joe Rogan crossover demographic losing some interest in him.
It's truly the stupidest timeline that something like this might have real consequences on humanity's future, but I think that is actually the reality.
posted by Riki tiki at 7:58 AM on June 23, 2023 [11 favorites]
Whether Zuck wins or loses there are few people who might lose further faith in him as a leader. But if Musk loses (especially if it's a humiliating loss) then I could see a lot of his fans in the Joe Rogan crossover demographic losing some interest in him.
It's truly the stupidest timeline that something like this might have real consequences on humanity's future, but I think that is actually the reality.
posted by Riki tiki at 7:58 AM on June 23, 2023 [11 favorites]
I am all about inflating this but then claiming publicly online that Musk doesn’t have the *balls* to do it. He seems susceptible to those kind of taunts and maybe we will get our very necessary cage match.
posted by corb at 7:58 AM on June 23, 2023 [16 favorites]
posted by corb at 7:58 AM on June 23, 2023 [16 favorites]
So they'll beat the shit out of each other in Vegas, but won't pay taxes? Fuck those guys.
(Yes I know these things are in no way equivalent and my comment doesn't make any actual sense, but I stand by the "Fuck those guys" bit.)
posted by prismatic7 at 7:59 AM on June 23, 2023 [20 favorites]
(Yes I know these things are in no way equivalent and my comment doesn't make any actual sense, but I stand by the "Fuck those guys" bit.)
posted by prismatic7 at 7:59 AM on June 23, 2023 [20 favorites]
Exactly, Elon's ego is so fragile that we need to continue to pile on so we can get this to happen.
posted by Fizz at 8:00 AM on June 23, 2023 [11 favorites]
posted by Fizz at 8:00 AM on June 23, 2023 [11 favorites]
Another competition where the best outcome is a roof collapse.
posted by Capt. Renault at 8:00 AM on June 23, 2023 [46 favorites]
posted by Capt. Renault at 8:00 AM on June 23, 2023 [46 favorites]
I think of this as being a bit like a Stalin vs. Hitler matchup, or Saddam vs. Ayatollah Khomeini. Both are incredibly noxious, but if the slightly less evil one can take out the other while suffering a great deal of damage to themselves, it's a grim net positive.
posted by hangashore at 8:01 AM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by hangashore at 8:01 AM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
bite_each_others_dicks_off.gif
My kingdom for an img tag.
posted by jedicus at 8:01 AM on June 23, 2023 [13 favorites]
My kingdom for an img tag.
posted by jedicus at 8:01 AM on June 23, 2023 [13 favorites]
Zuck should hire Uwe Boll as his proxy for this.
posted by brundlefly at 8:02 AM on June 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by brundlefly at 8:02 AM on June 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
I came here to say that given Zuck’s BJJ competition being by all accounts entirely real, even with a 50lbs weight advantage it’s not a question of whether Elon loses, but whether he lasts 30 seconds or 2 minutes. Nothing short of a Rocky montage miracle stops Elon from getting destroyed.
Then I saw what Artw just posted. So now I am instead here to say I hope Elon’s pride prevents him from tapping out when Zuck puts him in armbar and we get to watch Elon get his arm ripped right the fuck off because honestly fuck that guy.
posted by Ryvar at 8:02 AM on June 23, 2023 [27 favorites]
Then I saw what Artw just posted. So now I am instead here to say I hope Elon’s pride prevents him from tapping out when Zuck puts him in armbar and we get to watch Elon get his arm ripped right the fuck off because honestly fuck that guy.
posted by Ryvar at 8:02 AM on June 23, 2023 [27 favorites]
me: can we have an oil wrestling match between octavian and the aging marc antony?
mom: we have an oil wrestling match between octavian and the aging marc antony at home
at home:
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 8:02 AM on June 23, 2023 [27 favorites]
mom: we have an oil wrestling match between octavian and the aging marc antony at home
at home:
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 8:02 AM on June 23, 2023 [27 favorites]
2020's, man.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:08 AM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:08 AM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
We really, really, need to get better writers. This season sucks.
posted by signal at 8:09 AM on June 23, 2023 [22 favorites]
posted by signal at 8:09 AM on June 23, 2023 [22 favorites]
I'm putting a thousand dollars on...
...this never fucking happening.
posted by AlSweigart at 8:11 AM on June 23, 2023 [34 favorites]
...this never fucking happening.
posted by AlSweigart at 8:11 AM on June 23, 2023 [34 favorites]
We really, really, need to get better writers. This season sucks.
There is a writer's strike happening, so kinda makes sense. We get a lot more bottom of the barrel reality tv. This reality sucks more than most.
posted by Fizz at 8:16 AM on June 23, 2023 [12 favorites]
There is a writer's strike happening, so kinda makes sense. We get a lot more bottom of the barrel reality tv. This reality sucks more than most.
posted by Fizz at 8:16 AM on June 23, 2023 [12 favorites]
The only thing I have to say about this is that it’s another argument in favor of anthropogenic nuclear many-worlds theory.
posted by thecaddy at 8:18 AM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by thecaddy at 8:18 AM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
A certain imprisoned rapist is offering to train Lone Skum. So many comments that I'm sorely tempted to make even though they'd be deleted.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:22 AM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:22 AM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
Pinnochio never worked so hard to be a real boy.
posted by SonInLawOfSam at 8:23 AM on June 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by SonInLawOfSam at 8:23 AM on June 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
Can they both lose?
My proposal: when they get in the cage, we lock it, everyone leaves the building, we turn off all the lights and wait. Livestream the whole thing in infrared, but otherwise: no light, no noise, we all just wait and watch while they pull themselves up by their genius bootstraps or, y’know, whatever they do.
Could be the best slow TV ever made.
posted by mhoye at 8:23 AM on June 23, 2023 [32 favorites]
My proposal: when they get in the cage, we lock it, everyone leaves the building, we turn off all the lights and wait. Livestream the whole thing in infrared, but otherwise: no light, no noise, we all just wait and watch while they pull themselves up by their genius bootstraps or, y’know, whatever they do.
Could be the best slow TV ever made.
posted by mhoye at 8:23 AM on June 23, 2023 [32 favorites]
me: can we have an oil wrestling match between octavian and the aging marc antony?
if this was an oil wrestling match, I'd be wishing for a match.
posted by mephron at 8:23 AM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
if this was an oil wrestling match, I'd be wishing for a match.
posted by mephron at 8:23 AM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
both of them will end up looking like idiots
Maybe, but they’ll sell the streaming rights and cry all the way to the bank.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 8:24 AM on June 23, 2023
Maybe, but they’ll sell the streaming rights and cry all the way to the bank.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 8:24 AM on June 23, 2023
I have this great move that I call “The Walrus”, where I just lie on top of my opponent & do nothing
Donald Trump tried that move with Stormy Daniels, and it didn't work. Let's home the outcome is the same here.
posted by The_Vegetables at 8:25 AM on June 23, 2023 [9 favorites]
Donald Trump tried that move with Stormy Daniels, and it didn't work. Let's home the outcome is the same here.
posted by The_Vegetables at 8:25 AM on June 23, 2023 [9 favorites]
I have a mild proposal
they should have this cage match in a submersible 5000 feet under the sea
the submersible should be designed by a fellow billionaire with as many regulations applied to it as they would like applied to their own companies
it should happen near, say, the Titanic onto which we should sear Shelley's Ozymandias
a moment to be etched into history books, emblematic and surprisingly insightful during this latest iteration of the Gilded Age, always remembered for its metacontext. truly one of the few times in which powerful individuals understood their place on the wheel of history
posted by paimapi at 8:26 AM on June 23, 2023 [31 favorites]
they should have this cage match in a submersible 5000 feet under the sea
the submersible should be designed by a fellow billionaire with as many regulations applied to it as they would like applied to their own companies
it should happen near, say, the Titanic onto which we should sear Shelley's Ozymandias
a moment to be etched into history books, emblematic and surprisingly insightful during this latest iteration of the Gilded Age, always remembered for its metacontext. truly one of the few times in which powerful individuals understood their place on the wheel of history
posted by paimapi at 8:26 AM on June 23, 2023 [31 favorites]
I feel dumber just reading about this, but here I am anyway.
posted by gentlyepigrams at 8:29 AM on June 23, 2023 [29 favorites]
posted by gentlyepigrams at 8:29 AM on June 23, 2023 [29 favorites]
If the fight actually takes place, DraftKings sportsbook director Johnny Avello said he’d make Zuckerberg a -160 favorite over Musk, the +140 underdog. viva las vegas!
posted by JoeZydeco at 8:30 AM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by JoeZydeco at 8:30 AM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
[David Attenborough voice]: And here we see that, despite their elevated standing within their own social groups, these two males cannot resist posturing at one another. This behavior is common throughout the animal kingdom, even among the other great apes. [cut to a young silverback gorilla fighting an older silverback] But the winner of this fight will be rewarded with control over his rival's harem.
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 8:34 AM on June 23, 2023 [21 favorites]
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 8:34 AM on June 23, 2023 [21 favorites]
they should have this cage match in a submersible 5000 feet under the sea
Yeah why not, it's already a race to the bottom.
posted by PlusDistance at 8:36 AM on June 23, 2023 [14 favorites]
Yeah why not, it's already a race to the bottom.
posted by PlusDistance at 8:36 AM on June 23, 2023 [14 favorites]
These two man-boys are idiots and it is a mystery to me how either one of them ever made any money doing anything.
posted by bluesky43 at 8:36 AM on June 23, 2023 [11 favorites]
posted by bluesky43 at 8:36 AM on June 23, 2023 [11 favorites]
I’m having a minor crisis over how badly I want this stupid match to happen
posted by Suedeltica at 8:37 AM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by Suedeltica at 8:37 AM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
Oh come on, I know the WGA strike has put idiots in the writer's room but this is beyond the pale.
posted by seanmpuckett at 8:41 AM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by seanmpuckett at 8:41 AM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
When I read this to my wife her only remark was "To the death?"
posted by cccorlew at 8:42 AM on June 23, 2023 [26 favorites]
posted by cccorlew at 8:42 AM on June 23, 2023 [26 favorites]
Then I saw what Artw just posted. So now I am instead here to say I hope Elon’s pride prevents him from tapping out when Zuck puts him in armbar and we get to watch Elon get his arm ripped right the fuck off because honestly fuck that guy.
Damn, fuck Zuck. Let's hire the alien whale from AVATAR 2 to "disarm" the guy.
posted by brundlefly at 8:46 AM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
Damn, fuck Zuck. Let's hire the alien whale from AVATAR 2 to "disarm" the guy.
posted by brundlefly at 8:46 AM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
and according to meta I'm supposed to feel empathy towards these people
posted by i used to be someone else at 8:48 AM on June 23, 2023 [24 favorites]
posted by i used to be someone else at 8:48 AM on June 23, 2023 [24 favorites]
If anyone has been watching "The Other Two", this is more proof that becoming a billionaire breaks your brain
posted by dis_integration at 8:50 AM on June 23, 2023 [7 favorites]
posted by dis_integration at 8:50 AM on June 23, 2023 [7 favorites]
if the Titan thread brought out the worst in Metafilter*, this thread is bringing out the best. I'm in the middle of a stressful crisis and I keep getting major laughs in here.
*I'm not personally saying it did, but some seemed to feel that way
posted by supermedusa at 8:51 AM on June 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
*I'm not personally saying it did, but some seemed to feel that way
posted by supermedusa at 8:51 AM on June 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
and according to meta I'm supposed to feel empathy towards these people
Nah, they have already proven themselves to be jagoffs independent from their financial status.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:52 AM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
Nah, they have already proven themselves to be jagoffs independent from their financial status.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:52 AM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
and according to meta I'm supposed to feel empathy towards these people
according to a lone (or certainly mostly lone) voice crying sociopathology in the wilderness. The Spectacle has been having its way with us. It has been a silly few days.
posted by philip-random at 8:52 AM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
according to a lone (or certainly mostly lone) voice crying sociopathology in the wilderness. The Spectacle has been having its way with us. It has been a silly few days.
posted by philip-random at 8:52 AM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
Zuckerberg spends a lot of time doing athletic stuff, and is known to get weirdly obsessive about those kind of things. There is no doubt in my mind that he'd would get as close as possible to "perfect" fighting shape as his genetics would allow.
Musk, on the other hand, doesn't do shit. Mark would certainly destroy him, and Musk is second only to Trump on the scale of how much being humiliated in a "masculine" activity would tank his reputation. Fuck the Twitter debacle, this might legit ruin Musk's public life permanently.
posted by Back At It Again At Krispy Kreme at 8:55 AM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
Musk, on the other hand, doesn't do shit. Mark would certainly destroy him, and Musk is second only to Trump on the scale of how much being humiliated in a "masculine" activity would tank his reputation. Fuck the Twitter debacle, this might legit ruin Musk's public life permanently.
posted by Back At It Again At Krispy Kreme at 8:55 AM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
I'm squarely okay with zero empathy for this one. Carry on, popcorn at the ready.
posted by mochapickle at 8:55 AM on June 23, 2023 [9 favorites]
posted by mochapickle at 8:55 AM on June 23, 2023 [9 favorites]
Elon Musk declares ‘cis’ and ‘cisgender’ will be considered slurs on Twitter that can be punishable with suspension
Breaking: Elon Musk announces #SpaceX will refuse all Moon missions because they require performing a translunar injection burn in order to cross cislunar space
posted by JoeZydeco at 8:57 AM on June 23, 2023 [32 favorites]
Breaking: Elon Musk announces #SpaceX will refuse all Moon missions because they require performing a translunar injection burn in order to cross cislunar space
posted by JoeZydeco at 8:57 AM on June 23, 2023 [32 favorites]
Awful possibility in these matters is both men sustaining mortal injury.
But I'm rarely that fucking lucky.
posted by nushustu at 8:58 AM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
But I'm rarely that fucking lucky.
posted by nushustu at 8:58 AM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
the tagline of Alien vs. Predator springs to mind.
Whoever loses, we win?
posted by straight at 8:59 AM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
Whoever loses, we win?
posted by straight at 8:59 AM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
I am always amazed when anything about Zuck, Musk, Twitter, Bezos, etc is posted here on MeFi -- things/people that it appears the vast majority of MeFites absolutely and utterly despise -- but yet continue to discuss, fret about, and rage over.
I hate to use the "living rent-free in your head" phrase - but seriously, if you hate these guys as much as you proclaim, and are outraged at them getting any kind of attention or press - well...maybe just ignore them and don't talk about or post about them. Just ignore them completely and focus on something more to your liking.
As for the fight itself - if it happens - I really don't know which of the two is better prepared. Leaning toward Zuck because of his recent training and age, but I'm not placing any bets.
posted by davidmsc at 9:00 AM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
I hate to use the "living rent-free in your head" phrase - but seriously, if you hate these guys as much as you proclaim, and are outraged at them getting any kind of attention or press - well...maybe just ignore them and don't talk about or post about them. Just ignore them completely and focus on something more to your liking.
As for the fight itself - if it happens - I really don't know which of the two is better prepared. Leaning toward Zuck because of his recent training and age, but I'm not placing any bets.
posted by davidmsc at 9:00 AM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
Man, it says a lot when I hear about two people fighting and the person I'm rooting for is freakin Zuckerberg.
Big same.
posted by gestalt saloon at 9:01 AM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
Big same.
posted by gestalt saloon at 9:01 AM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
Gladiatorial combat amongst the rich is I hope a real trend. Fight for OUR amusement for once lol
posted by wellifyouinsist at 9:01 AM on June 23, 2023 [29 favorites]
posted by wellifyouinsist at 9:01 AM on June 23, 2023 [29 favorites]
“The story speaks for itself,” Meta spokesperson Iska Saric told me.
Gotta say my favorite part of this story so far is this quote from the PR flack throwing up her hands and admitting there's no way to spin this as anything but completely stupid.
posted by straight at 9:04 AM on June 23, 2023 [31 favorites]
Gotta say my favorite part of this story so far is this quote from the PR flack throwing up her hands and admitting there's no way to spin this as anything but completely stupid.
posted by straight at 9:04 AM on June 23, 2023 [31 favorites]
this reminds me of the adage: don't wrestle with a pig, you both get dirty and the pig likes it. but this is more like: don't watch two pigs wrestle because the pigs are dirty, and like it, and everyone else is basically fucked.
posted by rude.boy at 9:05 AM on June 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by rude.boy at 9:05 AM on June 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
Real stakes: the winner becomes a majority shareholder in the other's largest company.
The magic happens when, no matter who wins, the stock price plummets.
posted by klanawa at 9:05 AM on June 23, 2023 [7 favorites]
The magic happens when, no matter who wins, the stock price plummets.
posted by klanawa at 9:05 AM on June 23, 2023 [7 favorites]
Ugh, into the Match-averse.
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 9:06 AM on June 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 9:06 AM on June 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
Gladiatorial combat amongst the rich is I hope a real trend. Fight for OUR amusement for once lol
yeah, so rather than do boring stuff like taxing them out of their billions, allow them to keep them. But then they MUST face off against other billionaires in fights to the death. Elimination rounds like at Wimbledon. And whoever survives gets all the other guy's money (they are all guys, aren't they?). On and on until only one is left standing with pretty much all the money in the world. Then we only have to eat one of them. And all that money can go to a worthy cause like planting tulips on Mars.
Mars definitely needs more tulips.
posted by philip-random at 9:08 AM on June 23, 2023 [17 favorites]
yeah, so rather than do boring stuff like taxing them out of their billions, allow them to keep them. But then they MUST face off against other billionaires in fights to the death. Elimination rounds like at Wimbledon. And whoever survives gets all the other guy's money (they are all guys, aren't they?). On and on until only one is left standing with pretty much all the money in the world. Then we only have to eat one of them. And all that money can go to a worthy cause like planting tulips on Mars.
Mars definitely needs more tulips.
posted by philip-random at 9:08 AM on June 23, 2023 [17 favorites]
I am always amazed when anything about Zuck, Musk, Twitter, Bezos, etc is posted here on MeFi
I mean, I get what you're saying, but we also post about like, climate change, industrial pollution, anti-trans legislation, etc. which are all also things which suck fucking ass but which are basically culturally inescapable entities we have to wade through constantly anyway. Ignoring the billionaire shitheels controlling the major levers of the internet is not going to make them go away, so, fuck it, pick your moments.
This is public dumb assholes being especially publicly dumb and assholey. It's not high art, it's not what I dream about on the front page, but sometimes we just want to chew through the stupid together because we're all stuck chewing through it anyway.
posted by cortex at 9:12 AM on June 23, 2023 [45 favorites]
I mean, I get what you're saying, but we also post about like, climate change, industrial pollution, anti-trans legislation, etc. which are all also things which suck fucking ass but which are basically culturally inescapable entities we have to wade through constantly anyway. Ignoring the billionaire shitheels controlling the major levers of the internet is not going to make them go away, so, fuck it, pick your moments.
This is public dumb assholes being especially publicly dumb and assholey. It's not high art, it's not what I dream about on the front page, but sometimes we just want to chew through the stupid together because we're all stuck chewing through it anyway.
posted by cortex at 9:12 AM on June 23, 2023 [45 favorites]
There’s a very online joke about this—“Elon’s Lowtax speedrun.”
posted by Countess Elena at 9:20 AM on June 23, 2023 [20 favorites]
posted by Countess Elena at 9:20 AM on June 23, 2023 [20 favorites]
They agree to battle to the DEATH. They get 1 year to plan, hire, build whatever they want, for offense or defense. If anyone -else- is hurt or killed in the process or the battle, both lose all their money.
Then let them fight it out in their giant robot mechs, and nuke the site from orbit while they are busy.
posted by The otter lady at 9:21 AM on June 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
Then let them fight it out in their giant robot mechs, and nuke the site from orbit while they are busy.
posted by The otter lady at 9:21 AM on June 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
maybe just ignore them and don't talk about or post about them. Just ignore them completely and focus on something more to your liking
I don’t want to make you feel alone but literally not one person I know has been as mentally healthy as this would require since Covid began. Not one.
We have collectively committed to fully accepting our goblin-selves and a lot of the actual blame for that belongs with the billionaires.
Oh come on, I know the WGA strike has put idiots in the writer's room but this is beyond the pale.
I don’t think the problem is idiots in reality’s writing room, I think ChatGPT was trained on Reddit posts and what we’re living through is not a coincidence.
posted by Ryvar at 9:22 AM on June 23, 2023 [15 favorites]
I don’t want to make you feel alone but literally not one person I know has been as mentally healthy as this would require since Covid began. Not one.
We have collectively committed to fully accepting our goblin-selves and a lot of the actual blame for that belongs with the billionaires.
Oh come on, I know the WGA strike has put idiots in the writer's room but this is beyond the pale.
I don’t think the problem is idiots in reality’s writing room, I think ChatGPT was trained on Reddit posts and what we’re living through is not a coincidence.
posted by Ryvar at 9:22 AM on June 23, 2023 [15 favorites]
Ass to ass!
posted by 2N2222 at 9:23 AM on June 23, 2023 [18 favorites]
posted by 2N2222 at 9:23 AM on June 23, 2023 [18 favorites]
“I have this great move that I call ‘The Walrus,’ where I just lie on top of my opponent and do nothing.”
Distressingly, this is also how half his kids were sired.
posted by pwnguin at 9:25 AM on June 23, 2023 [13 favorites]
Distressingly, this is also how half his kids were sired.
posted by pwnguin at 9:25 AM on June 23, 2023 [13 favorites]
if the Titan thread brought out the worst in Metafilter*, this thread is bringing out the best.
I was assuming this was some sort of trap set by one side or other in the Titan Meta thread: pro or anti billionaire genocide.
posted by biffa at 9:25 AM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
I was assuming this was some sort of trap set by one side or other in the Titan Meta thread: pro or anti billionaire genocide.
posted by biffa at 9:25 AM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
Jordan Peterson wants them to fight naked and covered in oil.
posted by kjh at 9:27 AM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by kjh at 9:27 AM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
There was a Titan thread?
posted by tavella at 9:28 AM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by tavella at 9:28 AM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
Pwnguin I thought - or at least hoped - we had an unspoken agreement none of us were going to touch that one with a ten foot pole. I think you just volunteered to pay for a year’s therapy for everyone in the thread.
posted by Ryvar at 9:28 AM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by Ryvar at 9:28 AM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
Folks. Clearly the loser must give up all of their assets to the general public: 100% taxation on private assets, all businesses become co-ops owned collectively by their employees. That’s the way to motivate them for a good all-out, no holds barred brawl that has the greatest chance of a double net-positive outcome for the rest of us.
posted by eviemath at 9:32 AM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by eviemath at 9:32 AM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
> I think ChatGPT was trained on Reddit posts and what we’re living through is not a coincidence.
chatgpt pro-tip: if you fill its content window with thousands of copies of a word that's can be used as a transition between clauses — i've found "indeed" and "technically" both work well — it will eventually start spitting out text based on exactly one of the documents from its training set.
hypothesis as to why available upon request.
i mention this because it's not just trained on reddit posts.
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 9:34 AM on June 23, 2023 [10 favorites]
chatgpt pro-tip: if you fill its content window with thousands of copies of a word that's can be used as a transition between clauses — i've found "indeed" and "technically" both work well — it will eventually start spitting out text based on exactly one of the documents from its training set.
hypothesis as to why available upon request.
i mention this because it's not just trained on reddit posts.
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 9:34 AM on June 23, 2023 [10 favorites]
Broadswords in a pit.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 9:37 AM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by Mister Moofoo at 9:37 AM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
put them in pink party dresses and make them fight a bear
posted by supermedusa at 9:39 AM on June 23, 2023 [14 favorites]
posted by supermedusa at 9:39 AM on June 23, 2023 [14 favorites]
* "context window," not "content window," also that one grammatical infelicity's not supposed to be there, but also that other grammatical infelicity is supposed to be there, and since we're doing last-minute edits pretend that at some point i referred to you, the reader, as "jim."
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 9:44 AM on June 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 9:44 AM on June 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
To elaborate on my proposal: the idea is to truly make it Billionaire Hunger-Games-in-Reverse. In the Hunger Games, the winner’s home district won extra food and stuff, losing meant one’s home district was unchanged. In the Billionaire Games, the losers loses everything, and the winner’s assets remain unchanged.
posted by eviemath at 9:47 AM on June 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by eviemath at 9:47 AM on June 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
“Then we only have to eat one of them.”
In complete sincerity, I'll say that I think there's a good chance that the end of this new Gilded Age, given anthropogenic global warming, very well may include literal eating of the rich, ritualistic or not.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 9:51 AM on June 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
In complete sincerity, I'll say that I think there's a good chance that the end of this new Gilded Age, given anthropogenic global warming, very well may include literal eating of the rich, ritualistic or not.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 9:51 AM on June 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
I don't bet, don't use betting apps etc, but can we fake bet.. and what are some odds we can place on the number of times someone clicks (this fuckin link) to enter this thread and scold people about how they occupy their brains
also, every time we've made the dumbest timeline comment it's like someone is sprinting that line so fast and so much further
last thing: clearly Zuckerberg for the win. we all lose but whatever
posted by elkevelvet at 9:57 AM on June 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
also, every time we've made the dumbest timeline comment it's like someone is sprinting that line so fast and so much further
last thing: clearly Zuckerberg for the win. we all lose but whatever
posted by elkevelvet at 9:57 AM on June 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
the thing that'll be great about the ritual of devouring is that the devoured will know it's not just about flavour or texture, since if that was what we cared about we'd just eat lab-grown billionaire flesh.
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 9:57 AM on June 23, 2023 [7 favorites]
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 9:57 AM on June 23, 2023 [7 favorites]
Not exactly mano-a-mano, more ego-a-ego
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:58 AM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:58 AM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
I was never a fan of Mutually Assured Destruction... until now.
posted by tommasz at 9:59 AM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by tommasz at 9:59 AM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
honestly, i'd prefer it if both of these fuckheads followed the rules of kanly, and both broke it with poison-tipped spikes.
posted by i used to be someone else at 10:01 AM on June 23, 2023 [7 favorites]
posted by i used to be someone else at 10:01 AM on June 23, 2023 [7 favorites]
sweartogod every time i see one of your comments it feels like i've walked into a party where someone else is wearing exactly the same dress
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 10:03 AM on June 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 10:03 AM on June 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
This should be a regular thing. Once a month. Two billionaires selected by lot enter the cage. The loser gets their entire wealth liquidated and the cash used to help the homeless get homes. After all, they were able to build massive wealth once, they can do it again, right?
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 10:05 AM on June 23, 2023 [15 favorites]
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 10:05 AM on June 23, 2023 [15 favorites]
Am I missing something? Musk is 51 and while he's "in shape," that shape happens to be a toy Tyrannosaurus Rex made out of a rain barrel, some twigs, and a few wire hangers. Musk's martial arts training consists of some classes he took when he was a kid.
Yes, Musk is 6'1" and 190lbs to Zuck's 5'7" and 155lbs, but uh. I'm not sure that's going to matter all that much? Musk doesn't exercise. He does no cardio. After five minutes of chasing after Zuck, Elon will turn flushed and start wheezing.
Wait, what's the problem again? This sounds fine.
posted by 1adam12 at 10:06 AM on June 23, 2023 [19 favorites]
Yes, Musk is 6'1" and 190lbs to Zuck's 5'7" and 155lbs, but uh. I'm not sure that's going to matter all that much? Musk doesn't exercise. He does no cardio. After five minutes of chasing after Zuck, Elon will turn flushed and start wheezing.
Wait, what's the problem again? This sounds fine.
posted by 1adam12 at 10:06 AM on June 23, 2023 [19 favorites]
Many times on MetaFilter I've seen a comment like "I would pay to see that happen."
This is not one of those times.
As to not giving them any attention in the press, I agree, but here, in our own space, feel free to say whatever you want.
posted by MtDewd at 10:08 AM on June 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
This is not one of those times.
As to not giving them any attention in the press, I agree, but here, in our own space, feel free to say whatever you want.
posted by MtDewd at 10:08 AM on June 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
> My proposal: when they get in the cage, we lock it, everyone leaves the building, we turn off all the lights and wait. Livestream the whole thing in infrared, but otherwise: no light, no noise, we all just wait and watch while they pull themselves up by their genius bootstraps or, y’know, whatever they do.
I was going to propose putting them in a large cardboard box and shaking it until they fight but we could join forces and collaborate.
Let's do everything you're proposing but we can put the whole room and cage on one of those earthquake shaker tables.
I would also like to propose internet controlled and infrared camera enabled paintball gun turrets loaded with riot cop pepper balls and people can bid on time to control the guns, and we donate the proceeds to whatever irritates either of them the most. Likely unions, the SPLC and the ACLU.
posted by loquacious at 10:09 AM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
I was going to propose putting them in a large cardboard box and shaking it until they fight but we could join forces and collaborate.
Let's do everything you're proposing but we can put the whole room and cage on one of those earthquake shaker tables.
I would also like to propose internet controlled and infrared camera enabled paintball gun turrets loaded with riot cop pepper balls and people can bid on time to control the guns, and we donate the proceeds to whatever irritates either of them the most. Likely unions, the SPLC and the ACLU.
posted by loquacious at 10:09 AM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
Oh sure, but when I challenge people to fights at work, I'm being "unprofessional."
posted by RobotHero at 10:09 AM on June 23, 2023 [44 favorites]
posted by RobotHero at 10:09 AM on June 23, 2023 [44 favorites]
Wait, what's the problem again? This sounds fine.
that both of them will come out of it alive
oh, wait, i'm sorry, was that too "class genocidal"
how about: musk is trying to accelerate the extermination of trans people; zuck helped the actual genocide of rohingya.
posted by i used to be someone else at 10:10 AM on June 23, 2023 [24 favorites]
that both of them will come out of it alive
oh, wait, i'm sorry, was that too "class genocidal"
how about: musk is trying to accelerate the extermination of trans people; zuck helped the actual genocide of rohingya.
posted by i used to be someone else at 10:10 AM on June 23, 2023 [24 favorites]
TIL the inspiration for Zuck's 'thing on his own personal head' without the indignity of looking it up myself, so this thread at least is a tiny win for me?
Small pleasures.
*screams in 2023*
posted by Space Kitty at 10:14 AM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
Small pleasures.
*screams in 2023*
posted by Space Kitty at 10:14 AM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
Many times on MetaFilter I've seen a comment like "I would pay to see that happen."
This is not one of those times.
I would pay just to get in the cage with them at the same time. They could even team up.
I would have the clear advantage because they would be expecting a human fight - not a feral, rabid chimpanzee hungry for human flesh.
The biting and eating would commence immediately.
posted by loquacious at 10:15 AM on June 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
This is not one of those times.
I would pay just to get in the cage with them at the same time. They could even team up.
I would have the clear advantage because they would be expecting a human fight - not a feral, rabid chimpanzee hungry for human flesh.
The biting and eating would commence immediately.
posted by loquacious at 10:15 AM on June 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
I hate to use the "living rent-free in your head" phrase - but seriously, if you hate these guys as much as you proclaim, and are outraged at them getting any kind of attention or press - well...maybe just ignore them and don't talk about or post about them. Just ignore them completely and focus on something more to your liking.
Yeah, ignoring fascist kleptocrats has historically been very effective until they start invading Poland... or Ukraine.
posted by loquacious at 10:18 AM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
Yeah, ignoring fascist kleptocrats has historically been very effective until they start invading Poland... or Ukraine.
posted by loquacious at 10:18 AM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
If this distracts Musk just a little bit from actively advancing fascism, it is a good thing.
posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 10:24 AM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 10:24 AM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
It's Friday, mostly I just wanted a space to talk shit about shit people and that's why I made this ridiculous post.
posted by Fizz at 10:29 AM on June 23, 2023 [27 favorites]
posted by Fizz at 10:29 AM on June 23, 2023 [27 favorites]
Fizz what do you think each tech billionaire's favorite video game is, i think Musk plays Counter-Strike with cheats but still loses and blames ping
posted by cortex at 10:32 AM on June 23, 2023 [12 favorites]
posted by cortex at 10:32 AM on June 23, 2023 [12 favorites]
Thank you, Fizz.
A little mental vacation where I can picture one or both of them getting their ass kicked is worth the bandwidth.
posted by JoeZydeco at 10:33 AM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
A little mental vacation where I can picture one or both of them getting their ass kicked is worth the bandwidth.
posted by JoeZydeco at 10:33 AM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
I've begun to realize that the last ten years have been a coordinated ritual to summon the Cosmic Mom.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 10:34 AM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 10:34 AM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
I was never a fan of Mutually Assured Destruction... until now.
shouldn't that be Mutually Absurd Destruction?
posted by philip-random at 10:34 AM on June 23, 2023 [12 favorites]
shouldn't that be Mutually Absurd Destruction?
posted by philip-random at 10:34 AM on June 23, 2023 [12 favorites]
Is this the reason George Soros passed the reins to his son? For the upcoming billionaire kumite? Maybe Warren Buffet will turn out to be some sort of Tai Chi genius.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 10:35 AM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by paper chromatographologist at 10:35 AM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
Fizz what do you think each tech billionaire's favorite video game is, i think Musk plays Counter-Strike with cheats but still loses and blames ping
We know for certain that it's NOT Elden b/c look at this trash build.
Honestly. I think Elon is the type of person who says he plays Counter-Strike, but actually plays CoD: Warframe and swears and is being openly homo/trans-phobic in open-chat. He just brings that energy everywhere he goes.
posted by Fizz at 10:37 AM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
We know for certain that it's NOT Elden b/c look at this trash build.
Honestly. I think Elon is the type of person who says he plays Counter-Strike, but actually plays CoD: Warframe and swears and is being openly homo/trans-phobic in open-chat. He just brings that energy everywhere he goes.
posted by Fizz at 10:37 AM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
Nothing but contempt for them both given their socially / democracy destructive practices. If they want to do this give all proceeds to a worthy charity - fine - they should knock themselves out (literally and figuratively). But let's not amplify it when it happens.
(and with that I'll grump off, but not before asking Zuckerberg - how are you going to sweep the leg when your Metaverse doesn't even support legs?)
posted by inflatablekiwi at 10:39 AM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
(and with that I'll grump off, but not before asking Zuckerberg - how are you going to sweep the leg when your Metaverse doesn't even support legs?)
posted by inflatablekiwi at 10:39 AM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
he was hoarding the legs for this precise moment, he's gonna be a like upside-down Godrey the Grafted, just a billion little knock-off Mii legs branching out everywhere
posted by cortex at 10:41 AM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
posted by cortex at 10:41 AM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
Fizz what do you think each tech billionaire's favorite video game is, i think Musk plays Counter-Strike with cheats but still loses and blames ping
I said this before but someone really needs to get Muskrat hooked on EVE Online.
posted by loquacious at 10:45 AM on June 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
I said this before but someone really needs to get Muskrat hooked on EVE Online.
posted by loquacious at 10:45 AM on June 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
God I hate the both of them so much. But it's not a performative sort of hate. I don't want to see them fight each other. I want them to stop mattering so much. I want their opinions to not matter. I don't want to see them dead, or harmed, except economically. I just want them to go away. To root for one side or the other of this terrible staged thing is, in its way, to cede them more of your mindscape.
It is often said that there's no such thing as a good billionaire, and there is a fundamental truth to that. And, there are far worse people, I suppose, to be in charge of Facebook. About Twitter, I'm sure there's worse, but it's getting harder to imagine it. Either case, there's definitely better people that could be in charge, of either company, for nearly any positive purpose. That these human failures wield so much power (and I say that as someone who has seldom held down a real job) is an indictment of the world.
posted by JHarris at 10:48 AM on June 23, 2023 [10 favorites]
It is often said that there's no such thing as a good billionaire, and there is a fundamental truth to that. And, there are far worse people, I suppose, to be in charge of Facebook. About Twitter, I'm sure there's worse, but it's getting harder to imagine it. Either case, there's definitely better people that could be in charge, of either company, for nearly any positive purpose. That these human failures wield so much power (and I say that as someone who has seldom held down a real job) is an indictment of the world.
posted by JHarris at 10:48 AM on June 23, 2023 [10 favorites]
I said this before but someone really needs to get Muskrat hooked on EVE Online.
It'd be interesting to see how poorly he runs his corporation on EVE, lord knows he's bad at real life corporate shit. Hmm....
posted by Fizz at 10:49 AM on June 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
It'd be interesting to see how poorly he runs his corporation on EVE, lord knows he's bad at real life corporate shit. Hmm....
posted by Fizz at 10:49 AM on June 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
One thing is for sure: We don’t tax our billionaires nearly enough.
posted by notyou at 11:12 AM on June 23, 2023 [11 favorites]
posted by notyou at 11:12 AM on June 23, 2023 [11 favorites]
A serious question. I have heard conflicting info about who gets a charitable tax break when a corporation asks you to donate to something, like the dollar round up at the cash register? Most people aren’t going to itemize that on their taxes, but it feels icky if Fortune 500 company gets to cliam they donated $10 million of whatever when they collected that from customers.
In this case, I would pay $100 directly to a charity to watch this, but do not want to give Zuck/Musk any credit here.
posted by CostcoCultist at 11:14 AM on June 23, 2023
In this case, I would pay $100 directly to a charity to watch this, but do not want to give Zuck/Musk any credit here.
posted by CostcoCultist at 11:14 AM on June 23, 2023
maybe just ignore them and don't talk about or post about them. Just ignore them completely and focus on something more to your likingYeah, because ignoring material threats to civilization has always worked so well in the past /s
But seriously, we might just be mocking these guys for their superficial bullshit posturing, and they might even be doing it to distract us from more nefarious pursuits, but it's better that we have our eyes on them than not.
posted by klanawa at 11:26 AM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
They are both miserable SOBs who the world would be better off without. That said, my money is on Zuck to win.
But I would sell my mother to watch the two of beat the everliving shit out of Thiel.
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 11:26 AM on June 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
But I would sell my mother to watch the two of beat the everliving shit out of Thiel.
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 11:26 AM on June 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
That’s their dad!
posted by Artw at 11:28 AM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by Artw at 11:28 AM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
> Fizz: "We know for certain that it's NOT Elden b/c look at this trash build."
Good ol' Elon Two-Shields.
Among the various bad things that Elon is (fascist transphobe, deeply unfunny reply guy, probably a bad parent), one that I don't think people focus on enough is that he is also a poser. He wants to come off as a cool (for some definition of "cool") nerd but he's clearly just a poser. He's a faker. He wants people to think he's a cool coder/hacker type but he talks about code in terms of "pages" and obviously doesn't know how to use git. He wants people to think he's a cool gamer but his Elden Ring build is just plain incompetent (e.g.: no sensible reason to equip those two shields, it's just a waste). It's just all so desperate and obvious.
posted by mhum at 11:45 AM on June 23, 2023 [17 favorites]
Good ol' Elon Two-Shields.
Among the various bad things that Elon is (fascist transphobe, deeply unfunny reply guy, probably a bad parent), one that I don't think people focus on enough is that he is also a poser. He wants to come off as a cool (for some definition of "cool") nerd but he's clearly just a poser. He's a faker. He wants people to think he's a cool coder/hacker type but he talks about code in terms of "pages" and obviously doesn't know how to use git. He wants people to think he's a cool gamer but his Elden Ring build is just plain incompetent (e.g.: no sensible reason to equip those two shields, it's just a waste). It's just all so desperate and obvious.
posted by mhum at 11:45 AM on June 23, 2023 [17 favorites]
[Zuckerberg] has said augustus's hairstyle as depicted on statues and coins is the inspiration for the thing on his own personal head
Goddamn I am learning a lot of horrible information today
posted by penduluum at 11:45 AM on June 23, 2023 [7 favorites]
Goddamn I am learning a lot of horrible information today
posted by penduluum at 11:45 AM on June 23, 2023 [7 favorites]
Will they charge $250k per ticket and hold it at more than 12,000 feet below sea level?
posted by Revvy at 11:47 AM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by Revvy at 11:47 AM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
Would it be churlish of me to comment that I'm sick to death of the antics of over-moneyed man-boys? I'm tempted to wish serious head injuries upon them, but that would be in bad taste.
posted by cool breeze at 11:51 AM on June 23, 2023
posted by cool breeze at 11:51 AM on June 23, 2023
If we did not talk about these knuckleheads, it's not as if we wouldn't hear about them or the deleterious things they're doing, it would just create a gap that they would fill with their own breathless PR bloviations. Like so. And then other people wouldn't have any counterweights to that PR that helps others understand these are not geniuses who are going to save us from our societal problems and that sometimes they are also contributing to those problems. And the more people don't realize that, the easier these wealthy men find it to do things like bilk my hometown for bullshit tunnels.
posted by foxfirefey at 12:02 PM on June 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by foxfirefey at 12:02 PM on June 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
(robin leigh, Bluesky): I didn’t anticipate a timeline on which mark zuckerberg was the LESS hatable billionaire, but here we are.
posted by Wordshore at 12:04 PM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by Wordshore at 12:04 PM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
Wait, it's 2023 and two of the richest men in the world have decided that they should have a fist fight and neither one of them will be in a giant robot?!? The future continues to disappoint me.
posted by flyingfox at 12:06 PM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
posted by flyingfox at 12:06 PM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
They should tag-team wrestle against a couple of orcas. Would pay to watch.
posted by Lyme Drop at 12:25 PM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by Lyme Drop at 12:25 PM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
> Wait, it's 2023 and two of the richest men in the world have decided that they should have a fist fight and neither one of them will be in a giant robot?!? The future continues to disappoint me.
i thought the future would be cooler
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 12:25 PM on June 23, 2023
i thought the future would be cooler
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 12:25 PM on June 23, 2023
Not sure if I want Kara Swisher as referee or commentator, because I want both.
posted by snofoam at 12:30 PM on June 23, 2023
posted by snofoam at 12:30 PM on June 23, 2023
It's Friday, mostly I just wanted a space to talk shit about shit people and that's why I made this ridiculous post.
IN THAT CASE I almost liked Jordan Peterson's naked and covered in oil but like not liberally coated with oil so much as fully submerged in oil except they might get cold we should warm that oil up for them
oh no too much! anyway.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 12:31 PM on June 23, 2023 [11 favorites]
IN THAT CASE I almost liked Jordan Peterson's naked and covered in oil but like not liberally coated with oil so much as fully submerged in oil except they might get cold we should warm that oil up for them
oh no too much! anyway.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 12:31 PM on June 23, 2023 [11 favorites]
Ass to ass!
How does this not have 150 favorites by now?
If someone buys me a ticket* I promise to do all in my power to make this chant happen.
*the match will never happen, of course
posted by mediareport at 12:36 PM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
How does this not have 150 favorites by now?
If someone buys me a ticket* I promise to do all in my power to make this chant happen.
*the match will never happen, of course
posted by mediareport at 12:36 PM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
when I grow up I'm inventing a Decency Ray and I'm zapping people with it
you litter? zap
billionaire? zapzapzap
loud musical fart in public? clearly, you were zapped already and the ray seems to be working
posted by elkevelvet at 12:37 PM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
you litter? zap
billionaire? zapzapzap
loud musical fart in public? clearly, you were zapped already and the ray seems to be working
posted by elkevelvet at 12:37 PM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
Two fucking billionaires and they dream of being Youtubers with teenage boy fanbases! We are definitely in dumb branch of timelines.
posted by srboisvert at 12:46 PM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by srboisvert at 12:46 PM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
Andrew Tate wants to train Musk and Jordan Peterson wants them to fight nude and oiled up. This is weirder than the last season of a sitcom that's gone on five years too long.
posted by LindsayIrene at 1:05 PM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
posted by LindsayIrene at 1:05 PM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
This is weirder than the last season of a sitcom that's gone on five years too long.
I feel like any minute now Bob Newhart is going to wake up next to Suzanne Pleshette and talk about how he had another weird dream.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:06 PM on June 23, 2023 [10 favorites]
I feel like any minute now Bob Newhart is going to wake up next to Suzanne Pleshette and talk about how he had another weird dream.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:06 PM on June 23, 2023 [10 favorites]
Can they both lose?
I saw some Zuck vs. Musk headline and for a moment my brain superimposed two schmucks on it, like when you're reading an OCR-ed PDF where the original is visible underneath the text.
posted by trig at 1:19 PM on June 23, 2023
I saw some Zuck vs. Musk headline and for a moment my brain superimposed two schmucks on it, like when you're reading an OCR-ed PDF where the original is visible underneath the text.
posted by trig at 1:19 PM on June 23, 2023
I'm tempted to wish serious head injuries upon them, but that would be in bad taste.
I'm not worried about bad taste in this case. But given what we know about severe head injuries and their negative effect on behavior - even though I want both men to suffer as much harm as possible - I think we should hope for everything except head injuries. I don't know if billionaires can become more sociopathic than they already are but I don't want to find out.
posted by Nec_variat_lux_fracta_colorem at 1:20 PM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
I'm not worried about bad taste in this case. But given what we know about severe head injuries and their negative effect on behavior - even though I want both men to suffer as much harm as possible - I think we should hope for everything except head injuries. I don't know if billionaires can become more sociopathic than they already are but I don't want to find out.
posted by Nec_variat_lux_fracta_colorem at 1:20 PM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
even that head crunching display doesn't impress these females
posted by flabdablet at 1:21 PM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by flabdablet at 1:21 PM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
Are they going to go full A Feast Unknown?
posted by Catblack at 1:24 PM on June 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Catblack at 1:24 PM on June 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
I don't like that this proposed combat might act as a male bonding ritual for these two billionaires. I'd rather they just continue as they are, without resolving any of their differences or lessening their mutual disrespect.
posted by otsebyatina at 1:25 PM on June 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by otsebyatina at 1:25 PM on June 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
I’ve been thinking… can I go back to say, 1998? I was happier then.
posted by Mchelly at 1:28 PM on June 23, 2023 [14 favorites]
posted by Mchelly at 1:28 PM on June 23, 2023 [14 favorites]
You just have to rat out Neo and Morpheus.
posted by Artw at 1:33 PM on June 23, 2023 [10 favorites]
posted by Artw at 1:33 PM on June 23, 2023 [10 favorites]
“I have this great move that I call ‘The Walrus,’ where I just lie on top of my opponent and do nothing."
Okay, who did Musk steal this from? Because it's actually mildly amusing, and Musk has proven many, many times that he's about as good at being funny as he is at running Twitter.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:41 PM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
Okay, who did Musk steal this from? Because it's actually mildly amusing, and Musk has proven many, many times that he's about as good at being funny as he is at running Twitter.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:41 PM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
Andrew Tate wants to train Musk and Jordan Peterson wants them to fight nude and oiled up.
What needs to happen now is Musk, Tate and Zuckerberg go on Rogan and livestream a cam feed from the octagon, where Peterson has been induced to appear oiled and naked only to find that nobody else has bothered to turn up.
Meanwhile back in the studio, Tate says something too vile for Zuckerberg to stomach being associated with and Zuck takes a pop at him; as Tate springs to retaliate he accidentally elbows Rogan in the head, Musk points and giggles and then it's on, just four pathetic Great Man wannabees scratching and gouging and grunting under the desk in a slick of cocaine sweat until Rogan's EP has had enough and ends it with a taser.
posted by flabdablet at 1:45 PM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
What needs to happen now is Musk, Tate and Zuckerberg go on Rogan and livestream a cam feed from the octagon, where Peterson has been induced to appear oiled and naked only to find that nobody else has bothered to turn up.
Meanwhile back in the studio, Tate says something too vile for Zuckerberg to stomach being associated with and Zuck takes a pop at him; as Tate springs to retaliate he accidentally elbows Rogan in the head, Musk points and giggles and then it's on, just four pathetic Great Man wannabees scratching and gouging and grunting under the desk in a slick of cocaine sweat until Rogan's EP has had enough and ends it with a taser.
posted by flabdablet at 1:45 PM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
when I grow up I'm inventing a Decency Ray and I'm zapping people with it
the sneaky way to make this happen is to write a sci-fi story called "Don't Build the Decency Ray"
posted by chavenet at 2:07 PM on June 23, 2023 [10 favorites]
the sneaky way to make this happen is to write a sci-fi story called "Don't Build the Decency Ray"
posted by chavenet at 2:07 PM on June 23, 2023 [10 favorites]
Mark my words, this is the beginning of Zuckerberg's bid to become president and Elon Musk's bid to become governor of California.
It worked for Justin Trudeau up here in Canada.
posted by clawsoon at 2:11 PM on June 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
It worked for Justin Trudeau up here in Canada.
posted by clawsoon at 2:11 PM on June 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
UFC president Dana White said he talked to Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg on the phone for 1.5 hours — and that both are 'dead serious' about fighting
I still give it maybe one-in-a-thousand or maybe a million odds of actually happening but the tiniest seed of hope has now been planted in the dirtiest, darkest recesses of my heart. Please, please let this be real… (I know it won’t but a bot can dream).
Pretty sure I typed “boy” there, not sure why autocorrect felt the need to call me out but fuck it, I’ll leave it as is.
posted by Ryvar at 2:11 PM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
I still give it maybe one-in-a-thousand or maybe a million odds of actually happening but the tiniest seed of hope has now been planted in the dirtiest, darkest recesses of my heart. Please, please let this be real… (I know it won’t but a bot can dream).
Pretty sure I typed “boy” there, not sure why autocorrect felt the need to call me out but fuck it, I’ll leave it as is.
posted by Ryvar at 2:11 PM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
…. The Aristocrats!
posted by rock swoon has no past at 2:43 PM on June 23, 2023 [15 favorites]
posted by rock swoon has no past at 2:43 PM on June 23, 2023 [15 favorites]
I just want to remind everyone that Musk is openly supporting a candidate who is currently carrying out trans-genocide, taking trans kids from their parents and passed a law making it legal for first responders to leave LGBTQ people to die; Musk has also declared he will use his considerable resources to jail the parents of trans kids, retweeted anti-jewish blood libel crap, etc.
Zuckerberg and his company have had a direct, pervasive impact on weakening democracy all over the world and have participated in ethnic cleansing and other forms of mass violence against marginalized groups.
None of this is speculation, just bare facts.
Nothing about either of them is remotely cute or funny, and this PR stunt is a blatant attempt to humanize them.
I encourage you to not assist them as they try to present themselves as anything other than the monsters they are.
posted by signal at 2:46 PM on June 23, 2023 [21 favorites]
Zuckerberg and his company have had a direct, pervasive impact on weakening democracy all over the world and have participated in ethnic cleansing and other forms of mass violence against marginalized groups.
None of this is speculation, just bare facts.
Nothing about either of them is remotely cute or funny, and this PR stunt is a blatant attempt to humanize them.
I encourage you to not assist them as they try to present themselves as anything other than the monsters they are.
posted by signal at 2:46 PM on June 23, 2023 [21 favorites]
we need these reminders from signal and others
we also need to acknowledge that everyone, every moment of everyday, is as fallible as the next person. not one person here has never vented in some fashion instead of taking the strictly sober and correct view of things
we are people, and there are days we're just in it to laugh or vent in some fashion, that is life
how exhausting to show up in MetaFilter and only ever express the most correct thing, the most properly informed perspective, in full agreement with every other person.
posted by elkevelvet at 2:54 PM on June 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
we also need to acknowledge that everyone, every moment of everyday, is as fallible as the next person. not one person here has never vented in some fashion instead of taking the strictly sober and correct view of things
we are people, and there are days we're just in it to laugh or vent in some fashion, that is life
how exhausting to show up in MetaFilter and only ever express the most correct thing, the most properly informed perspective, in full agreement with every other person.
posted by elkevelvet at 2:54 PM on June 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
signal: it is possible to be aware of all that and also be aware of our complete and utter helplessness to do anything about it, and to lapse into a sort of midway point between cheering for anything that potentially could cause them to suffer and surrendering to the absurd.
Everyone in this thread start to finish has been extremely clear that both men are fully fucking monsters. The time to be Very Serious Indeed about that is when there is even the slightest possibility of us plebs inconveniencing them to the most minute degree. They maintain teams of experts whose entire job is - though not phrased as such - to ensure that we cannot.
And for as long as that insulation is total, there is nothing to be done but throw rotten vegetables and be one with The Farce.
This really isn’t the time or place to scold. And it won’t be until there’s anything meaningful to be done.
posted by Ryvar at 3:06 PM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
Everyone in this thread start to finish has been extremely clear that both men are fully fucking monsters. The time to be Very Serious Indeed about that is when there is even the slightest possibility of us plebs inconveniencing them to the most minute degree. They maintain teams of experts whose entire job is - though not phrased as such - to ensure that we cannot.
And for as long as that insulation is total, there is nothing to be done but throw rotten vegetables and be one with The Farce.
This really isn’t the time or place to scold. And it won’t be until there’s anything meaningful to be done.
posted by Ryvar at 3:06 PM on June 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
They are monsters, the whole idea is repulsive, I'm certainly not going to pay to see it, can I not mock it at least while hoping for both of these heels to somehow lose?
posted by nubs at 3:07 PM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by nubs at 3:07 PM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
I'm just picturing a song starting up halfway through the fight and an announcer excitedly yelling "BAH GAWD, THAT'S STEVE WOZNIAK'S MUSIC!"...and then Wozniak gives them the Double Flying People's Computer off the top rope and turns them both into chutney.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 3:20 PM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 3:20 PM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
The interview where Musk talks about being in street fights.
The streets in the area where his high school was located.
posted by Buntix at 3:27 PM on June 23, 2023 [7 favorites]
The streets in the area where his high school was located.
posted by Buntix at 3:27 PM on June 23, 2023 [7 favorites]
The only way I'm going to watch this is if a Terry Gilliam style gigantic foot descends to stomp on them both.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 3:27 PM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 3:27 PM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
Thinking of the last fight scene, the actual fight scene, in Roshomon.
posted by effluvia at 3:34 PM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by effluvia at 3:34 PM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
put them in pink party dresses and make them fight a bear
The orcas would like word.
posted by The Bellman at 3:44 PM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
The orcas would like word.
posted by The Bellman at 3:44 PM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
The closest thing that I've heard of in terms of a "street fight" for Musk was when he made fun of the suicide of another boy's father, and that boy pushed him down the stairs and put him in the hospital.
posted by clawsoon at 3:48 PM on June 23, 2023 [12 favorites]
posted by clawsoon at 3:48 PM on June 23, 2023 [12 favorites]
In the same way that the only news about Trump I want to hear is Trump being found guilty, the only news I want to hear about either of these guys is one or both of them getting punched in the face.
posted by box at 4:47 PM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by box at 4:47 PM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
> also, I know they're both bad, that's why I want to see them get kicked in the nuts. by each other is just the most efficient way
okay so we get all the tech billionaire dudes and we put them in a line and have them kick each other in the nuts from the middle out. tremendous efficiency gains over standard methods.
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 4:53 PM on June 23, 2023 [7 favorites]
okay so we get all the tech billionaire dudes and we put them in a line and have them kick each other in the nuts from the middle out. tremendous efficiency gains over standard methods.
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 4:53 PM on June 23, 2023 [7 favorites]
Like Thunderdome but dumber. Thunderdumb?
posted by dephlogisticated at 5:12 PM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by dephlogisticated at 5:12 PM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
As others have said, I hope they both lose. Or take each other out a la certain characters on Babylon 5.
I hate to use the "living rent-free in your head" phrase - but seriously, if you hate these guys as much as you proclaim, and are outraged at them getting any kind of attention or press - well...maybe just ignore them and don't talk about or post about them. Just ignore them completely and focus on something more to your liking.
I can and do ignore Zuck for the most part, but Elon's poison is bloody well everywhere and I can't ignore it.
I want them to stop mattering so much. I want their opinions to not matter. I don't want to see them dead, or harmed, except economically. I just want them to go away.
Agreed. Though frankly, if anything bad happened to Elon, I'd be pleased. Preferably in a self-sabotage sort of way.
posted by jenfullmoon at 5:34 PM on June 23, 2023
I hate to use the "living rent-free in your head" phrase - but seriously, if you hate these guys as much as you proclaim, and are outraged at them getting any kind of attention or press - well...maybe just ignore them and don't talk about or post about them. Just ignore them completely and focus on something more to your liking.
I can and do ignore Zuck for the most part, but Elon's poison is bloody well everywhere and I can't ignore it.
I want them to stop mattering so much. I want their opinions to not matter. I don't want to see them dead, or harmed, except economically. I just want them to go away.
Agreed. Though frankly, if anything bad happened to Elon, I'd be pleased. Preferably in a self-sabotage sort of way.
posted by jenfullmoon at 5:34 PM on June 23, 2023
They're trying to bring back dueling, aren't they?
posted by MrVisible at 5:40 PM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by MrVisible at 5:40 PM on June 23, 2023 [4 favorites]
Oh frog, can't we just get the fuck beyond Thunderdumb?
posted by JHarris at 5:47 PM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by JHarris at 5:47 PM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
Well, I would not have predicted that these two man-babies would've generated the hilarity found in the comments to this post. Thanks ya'll!
posted by bluesky43 at 6:02 PM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by bluesky43 at 6:02 PM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
hedging the bets
facebookies
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 6:31 PM on June 23, 2023 [7 favorites]
facebookies
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 6:31 PM on June 23, 2023 [7 favorites]
Nothing about either of them is remotely cute or funny, and this PR stunt is a blatant attempt to humanize them.
I encourage you to not assist them as they try to present themselves as anything other than the monsters they are.
And this.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 7:25 PM on June 23, 2023
I encourage you to not assist them as they try to present themselves as anything other than the monsters they are.
And this.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 7:25 PM on June 23, 2023
On the other hand, I encourage you to continue ridiculing and embarrassing these puffed-up evil idiots as they try to present themselves as anything other than the unrepentant sociopathic children they are. I mean, hell, it surely can't hurt.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:01 PM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:01 PM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
I have to say, I am appalled by some of the comments by MeFites in this thread. Just because these two people who have the combined wealth of hundreds of thousands of millionaires are freely choosing to enter an event where they could be grievously injured is no reason to make the calloused comments I'm reading here.
What happened to civility? What happened to empathy? How would YOU like if you had billions of dollars and people on metafilter.com were saying these things about you?
Don't you understand that there is a slight but real chance that one or both of these human beings could die in this cage match? I don't know who disgusts me more: the people who are apathetic to this possibility or those actively cheering it on.
I suppose this just hits a personal nerve. Maybe I shouldn't admit this in such of den of Maoist sociopaths, but if my net worth were to suddenly increase by 1,000,000% I, too, would be a billionaire. How do you think I would feel if I read your comments then (given that I'd be, of course, spending much of my time on social media while the national news reports the shit I'm making up.)
Not so easy when it's a person speaking to you directly, is it? Didn't think of THAT in your rush to make your cruel, cruel jokes, did you?
posted by AlSweigart at 8:45 PM on June 23, 2023 [29 favorites]
What happened to civility? What happened to empathy? How would YOU like if you had billions of dollars and people on metafilter.com were saying these things about you?
Don't you understand that there is a slight but real chance that one or both of these human beings could die in this cage match? I don't know who disgusts me more: the people who are apathetic to this possibility or those actively cheering it on.
I suppose this just hits a personal nerve. Maybe I shouldn't admit this in such of den of Maoist sociopaths, but if my net worth were to suddenly increase by 1,000,000% I, too, would be a billionaire. How do you think I would feel if I read your comments then (given that I'd be, of course, spending much of my time on social media while the national news reports the shit I'm making up.)
Not so easy when it's a person speaking to you directly, is it? Didn't think of THAT in your rush to make your cruel, cruel jokes, did you?
posted by AlSweigart at 8:45 PM on June 23, 2023 [29 favorites]
Won't somebody think of the unrepentant sociopathic children?
posted by flabdablet at 9:09 PM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
posted by flabdablet at 9:09 PM on June 23, 2023 [8 favorites]
if my net worth were to suddenly increase by 1,000,000% I, too, would be a billionaire.
Nobody gets to the billionaire level without being a criminal and a sociopath - you don't get there by pinching pennies, you get there by illegally (or at minimum unethically) profiting from other peoples' blood, sweat, and tears. And I can't think of a reason I wouldn't say the same to any billionaire's face in the unlikely event they were slumming in my vicinity.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:33 PM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
Nobody gets to the billionaire level without being a criminal and a sociopath - you don't get there by pinching pennies, you get there by illegally (or at minimum unethically) profiting from other peoples' blood, sweat, and tears. And I can't think of a reason I wouldn't say the same to any billionaire's face in the unlikely event they were slumming in my vicinity.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:33 PM on June 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
To be fair, if I acted like either of these dudes do, million/billions or no, I'd probably deserve the insults I was getting.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:37 PM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:37 PM on June 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
I've used infinite money cheat codes in video games, and shortly thereafter lost all sense of fun in playing the game, so I can well sympathize with the suffering of billionaires. Pitiful creatures, reduced to begging each other for a karate kick to the nuts just to feel alive again.
posted by otsebyatina at 1:37 AM on June 24, 2023 [17 favorites]
posted by otsebyatina at 1:37 AM on June 24, 2023 [17 favorites]
I now have proof that Jordan Peterson follows General JC Christian and steals his work.
posted by nofundy at 5:15 AM on June 24, 2023
posted by nofundy at 5:15 AM on June 24, 2023
This feels like if it happens, it would be absolutely hilariously one-sided. Musk is the King of the Keyboard Warriors, whereas Zuckerberg is seemingly not shy about the fact that he clearly trains in the hopes that he will one day have the opportunity to hunt and kill a human person for sport.
posted by DoctorFedora at 5:23 AM on June 24, 2023 [7 favorites]
posted by DoctorFedora at 5:23 AM on June 24, 2023 [7 favorites]
Guys, I think AlSweigart is making a really tortured attempt to satirize an existing MetaTalk about something different.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:15 AM on June 24, 2023 [11 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:15 AM on June 24, 2023 [11 favorites]
we need to make a big scene about locking the cage with a big, ostentatious padlock, and then sneakily drop the key down a drain
I think this is a terrible idea for both of them, and therefore it has to happen: Musk will get his illusions and also hopefully nose popped, and Zuck will probably win but will then discover that quite a lot of what remained of his positive public image rested on him not being the kind of person who could win a fight
posted by Merus at 6:36 AM on June 24, 2023 [4 favorites]
I think this is a terrible idea for both of them, and therefore it has to happen: Musk will get his illusions and also hopefully nose popped, and Zuck will probably win but will then discover that quite a lot of what remained of his positive public image rested on him not being the kind of person who could win a fight
posted by Merus at 6:36 AM on June 24, 2023 [4 favorites]
I'd give Zuckerberg 2-1 or 3-1 odds, but the weight difference is significant. I've got very slightly more jiujitsu experience than he does, and I can generally submit someone ~50lbs bigger than me without too much of a problem, but it's not much fun. Musk is also older which doesn't help him, but if it is an MMA fight rather than just submission grappling the weight's an even bigger advantage.
If Musk has any kind of a wrestling background it would be a much more even fight, and the skill level of new people goes up really quickly with any kind of training - if they really do this and Musk spends a few months training just a couple days a week it might be more competitive.
posted by true at 6:50 AM on June 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
If Musk has any kind of a wrestling background it would be a much more even fight, and the skill level of new people goes up really quickly with any kind of training - if they really do this and Musk spends a few months training just a couple days a week it might be more competitive.
posted by true at 6:50 AM on June 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
I hope it is to the PAIN.
posted by seanmpuckett at 7:03 AM on June 24, 2023 [12 favorites]
posted by seanmpuckett at 7:03 AM on June 24, 2023 [12 favorites]
Can we give one of them to Putin and the other to Prigozhin?
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 7:31 AM on June 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 7:31 AM on June 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
Anyway, jokes aside, what's probably going to happen is that the internet will forget about this in two weeks. But there's a slight chance that they'll drop a deep fake video of a cage match that will be debunked the day it comes out, but will nevertheless inspire "is this the future of AI?" bullshit articles that'll capture enough media attention that people will forget what pathetic losers these two are.
Because capitalism.
posted by AlSweigart at 8:12 AM on June 24, 2023 [8 favorites]
Because capitalism.
posted by AlSweigart at 8:12 AM on June 24, 2023 [8 favorites]
The only way I'm going to watch this is if a Terry Gilliam style gigantic foot descends to stomp on them both.
Ok but can I at least bite them a little, first?
Also, what's wrong with Dinsdale? Is he on holiday in the loo again? Usually he has someone's head nailed to the floor long before now.
posted by loquacious at 9:41 AM on June 24, 2023
Ok but can I at least bite them a little, first?
Also, what's wrong with Dinsdale? Is he on holiday in the loo again? Usually he has someone's head nailed to the floor long before now.
posted by loquacious at 9:41 AM on June 24, 2023
Looking forward to watching this on Streamberry.
posted by effluvia at 9:49 AM on June 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by effluvia at 9:49 AM on June 24, 2023 [2 favorites]
Guys, I think AlSweigart is making a really tortured attempt to satirize an existing MetaTalk about something different.
I see that now, and I offer a belated apology to AlSweigart for completely missing the joke.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:25 PM on June 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
I see that now, and I offer a belated apology to AlSweigart for completely missing the joke.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:25 PM on June 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
indeed, if only they'd selected the venue as "carbon fiber tube 12,500ft below sea level" and had the bout before this past weekend
posted by i used to be someone else at 9:48 PM on June 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by i used to be someone else at 9:48 PM on June 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
These guys are going to willingly be locked in a cage together? Who says we have to let them back out?
posted by Devils Rancher at 5:03 AM on June 25, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by Devils Rancher at 5:03 AM on June 25, 2023 [3 favorites]
When the fight began it was a weirdly dispiriting affair, both grown men flailing and slapping at each other like petulant twelve-year-old boys. What eventually settled it was that Musk tired more easily and fell to the corner of the cage, gasping for air. Zuckerberg, standing though breathless himself, grasped the bars of the cage and looked out at the audience.
"So, guys," he panted, "That means I won, right?"
The referee gazed back at him in silence.
"Right?"
One by one, the audience turned their backs and traipsed from the bunker.
"I mean, you can let us out of the cage now, yeah?"
Last of all was the referee, who, glancing back once at the cage, reached for the light switch and plunged the room into darkness. When the door closed after him there was nothing but stygian black and the sound of the heavy key turning in the lock.
"Guys?"
posted by Grangousier at 5:23 AM on June 25, 2023 [15 favorites]
"So, guys," he panted, "That means I won, right?"
The referee gazed back at him in silence.
"Right?"
One by one, the audience turned their backs and traipsed from the bunker.
"I mean, you can let us out of the cage now, yeah?"
Last of all was the referee, who, glancing back once at the cage, reached for the light switch and plunged the room into darkness. When the door closed after him there was nothing but stygian black and the sound of the heavy key turning in the lock.
"Guys?"
posted by Grangousier at 5:23 AM on June 25, 2023 [15 favorites]
METAFILTER: if my net worth were to suddenly increase by 1,000,000% I, too, would be a billionaire
posted by philip-random at 9:48 AM on June 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by philip-random at 9:48 AM on June 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
Bread and circuses. How does anyone even take stuff like this seriously? Wake me up when either of them faces criminal charges and is stripped of their ill-gotten wealth.
posted by abucci at 2:40 PM on June 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by abucci at 2:40 PM on June 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
(tinybaby, Bluesky): you know basically every time mark zuckerberg has presented himself to regular people in the past decade he has been met with a resounding "No thanks" EXCEPT when he offered to beat elon musk's ass so im hoping this is the beginning of something
posted by Wordshore at 6:21 AM on June 26, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by Wordshore at 6:21 AM on June 26, 2023 [5 favorites]
the site doesn't look legit, even if it pulls some tweets from elon's mommy.
i gotta say though, i just enjoy reading the headline
“The Fight Has Been Cancelled” – Elon Musk’s Mother Pulls the Plug on Dana White’s UFC Plan For Her Son and Mark Zuckerberg
posted by i used to be someone else at 9:15 AM on June 26, 2023
i gotta say though, i just enjoy reading the headline
“The Fight Has Been Cancelled” – Elon Musk’s Mother Pulls the Plug on Dana White’s UFC Plan For Her Son and Mark Zuckerberg
posted by i used to be someone else at 9:15 AM on June 26, 2023
the site doesn't look legit, even if it pulls some tweets from elon's mommy.
....I'm going to pretend it's true regardless because that is making me very happy right now.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:07 AM on June 26, 2023 [1 favorite]
....I'm going to pretend it's true regardless because that is making me very happy right now.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:07 AM on June 26, 2023 [1 favorite]
His mom? This parody right?
posted by Mitheral at 11:04 AM on June 26, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Mitheral at 11:04 AM on June 26, 2023 [1 favorite]
Ms. Musk is both a big time Twitter user and public defender of her son....so plausible.
posted by mmascolino at 11:09 AM on June 26, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by mmascolino at 11:09 AM on June 26, 2023 [1 favorite]
I'm sorry, you're 51 years old and you're not going to fight because your mommy told you to?
posted by jenfullmoon at 1:17 PM on June 26, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by jenfullmoon at 1:17 PM on June 26, 2023 [2 favorites]
If there is anyone who is likely looking for an exit ramp, it's going to be Musk. Everything I've read points to he knew this was a bad idea when he started it but much like buying Twitter his psychology won't let him back down. It's the only situation in which the entire world has been rooting for Zuck in over a decade.
posted by hippybear at 1:27 PM on June 26, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by hippybear at 1:27 PM on June 26, 2023 [3 favorites]
Anybody know Zuckerberg's mother's position?
posted by flabdablet at 1:28 PM on June 26, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by flabdablet at 1:28 PM on June 26, 2023 [2 favorites]
Don't be daft, flabdablet. Everyone knows that robot mommies don't feel.
posted by mochapickle at 1:31 PM on June 26, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by mochapickle at 1:31 PM on June 26, 2023 [5 favorites]
Everything I've read points to he knew this was a bad idea when he started it
We'll be rolling out full Zuck domination as an OTA upgrade by 3Q 2023. It's not that difficult. Really.
posted by flabdablet at 1:32 PM on June 26, 2023 [1 favorite]
We'll be rolling out full Zuck domination as an OTA upgrade by 3Q 2023. It's not that difficult. Really.
posted by flabdablet at 1:32 PM on June 26, 2023 [1 favorite]
Everyone knows that robot mommies don't feel.
But do they dream of electric leg sweep?
posted by flabdablet at 1:33 PM on June 26, 2023 [3 favorites]
But do they dream of electric leg sweep?
posted by flabdablet at 1:33 PM on June 26, 2023 [3 favorites]
Not sure where else to put this but here's Elon getting threatened to be punched on the chin by an entirely different entity [BBC], Australia.
posted by hippybear at 4:04 PM on June 26, 2023
posted by hippybear at 4:04 PM on June 26, 2023
There's a sweet photograph Zuck hugging his wireframe and wood mother.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 3:35 AM on June 27, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 3:35 AM on June 27, 2023 [3 favorites]
Italy’s minister of culture offers Rome's Colosseum as cage fight venue.
posted by Mitheral at 8:31 PM on June 30, 2023
posted by Mitheral at 8:31 PM on June 30, 2023
Will there be nets and tridents?
posted by flabdablet at 1:58 AM on July 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by flabdablet at 1:58 AM on July 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
NYT: A ‘Cage Match’ Between Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg May Be No Joke
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:12 AM on July 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:12 AM on July 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
Oh, it certainly is a joke, it's just one that might actually be workable. A "practical joke," so to speak.
posted by JHarris at 11:13 AM on July 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by JHarris at 11:13 AM on July 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
(And the victim? All of us.)
posted by JHarris at 11:14 AM on July 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by JHarris at 11:14 AM on July 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
My prediction: Elon's uptime in the fight will reflect Twitter's uptime, and Zuckerberg's uptime in the fight will reflect Facebook's uptime.
Both will be a reflection of the seriousness that they apply to proper preparation.
posted by clawsoon at 12:46 PM on July 2, 2023
Both will be a reflection of the seriousness that they apply to proper preparation.
posted by clawsoon at 12:46 PM on July 2, 2023
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posted by NoxAeternum at 7:31 AM on June 23, 2023 [46 favorites]