A Tentacle that Shrinks and Swells with an Exquisite Sensitivity
July 5, 2023 2:43 PM Subscribe
They wanted it because they’d just gone through a bad breakup and needed an edge in the volatile dating market; because porn had warped their sense of scale; because they’d been in a car accident, or were looking to fix a curve, or were hoping for a little “software upgrade”; because they were not having a midlife crisis; because they were, “and it was cheaper than a Bugatti Veyron”; because, after five kids, their wife couldn’t feel them anymore; because they’d been molested as a child and still remembered the laughter of the adults in the room; because they couldn’t forget a passing comment their spouse made in 1975; because, despite the objections of their couples therapist, they believed it would bring them closer to their “sex obsessed” husband (who then had an affair that precipitated their divorce); because they’d stopped changing in locker rooms, stopped peeing in urinals, stopped having sex; because who wouldn’t want it? from Inside the Secretive World of Penile Enlargement [ProPublica & The New Yorker; ungated]
Related: The Big Penis War [Texas Monthly; ungated]
Related: The Big Penis War [Texas Monthly; ungated]
In the above, I'm just riffing on the related article's title.
Some of the traumas described in the intro paragraph are horrid.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 2:57 PM on July 5, 2023 [5 favorites]
Some of the traumas described in the intro paragraph are horrid.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 2:57 PM on July 5, 2023 [5 favorites]
This is sheer body-horror played out on real bodies--and be sure to read on as Dr. Elist's practice tries to make sure that his mistakes are not discussed, let alone sued over. This man absolutely needs to be in jail.
posted by mittens at 3:04 PM on July 5, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by mittens at 3:04 PM on July 5, 2023 [6 favorites]
(Like--not to abuse the edit window to add another thought--it's one thing to talk about someone getting a body modification with their informed consent, but the informed part was exactly what was missing from the discussions with these patients.)
posted by mittens at 3:06 PM on July 5, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by mittens at 3:06 PM on July 5, 2023 [6 favorites]
This is sheer body-horror played out on real bodies
Yeah. I feel strongly that people should be able to live comfortably in their bodies, modified if desired to whatever extent modern medicine can safely provide, but what's described in this article is not that at all.
"William Brant, a reconstructive urologist in Salt Lake City, who told me he sees about ten Penuma patients a month, noted “the deep despair of men who can’t unring the bell", god, I can't even imagine.
posted by mhoye at 3:27 PM on July 5, 2023 [5 favorites]
Yeah. I feel strongly that people should be able to live comfortably in their bodies, modified if desired to whatever extent modern medicine can safely provide, but what's described in this article is not that at all.
"William Brant, a reconstructive urologist in Salt Lake City, who told me he sees about ten Penuma patients a month, noted “the deep despair of men who can’t unring the bell", god, I can't even imagine.
posted by mhoye at 3:27 PM on July 5, 2023 [5 favorites]
The device, called the Penuma, had been invented by James Elist — a silver-haired urologist who has been described on TMZ as “the Thomas Edison of penis surgery.”
ah, a real pedigree of scoundrel
posted by elkevelvet at 3:30 PM on July 5, 2023 [12 favorites]
ah, a real pedigree of scoundrel
posted by elkevelvet at 3:30 PM on July 5, 2023 [12 favorites]
and his oldest son, Jonathan, left a job at McKinsey to become the CEO of International Medical Devices, as they called their family firm
Of course the shitshow ends up with a McKinsey douchebag in the mix.
posted by Ickster at 3:45 PM on July 5, 2023 [22 favorites]
Of course the shitshow ends up with a McKinsey douchebag in the mix.
posted by Ickster at 3:45 PM on July 5, 2023 [22 favorites]
Damn, what a nightmare.
I feel for the guy, though. I have good friend about six or so years my junior, who had re-entered the dating world (pre-covid) following a (amicable, friendly) divorce. Among one of his tales of dating as a semi-old, is that of a similarly-aged woman who, during their first evening of sexytime, pressed his erection against his body, and quickly “measured” him by laying her palm along the length of it with her thumb extended. She declared him to be “very nice.” Freaked him out a little. They dated for awhile, though.
My friend is a pretty self-confident guy. Comfortable within his body. I can’t imagine how such a thing, especially with a less-than-“nice” judgement, would affect a less confident man.
posted by Thorzdad at 3:58 PM on July 5, 2023 [2 favorites]
I feel for the guy, though. I have good friend about six or so years my junior, who had re-entered the dating world (pre-covid) following a (amicable, friendly) divorce. Among one of his tales of dating as a semi-old, is that of a similarly-aged woman who, during their first evening of sexytime, pressed his erection against his body, and quickly “measured” him by laying her palm along the length of it with her thumb extended. She declared him to be “very nice.” Freaked him out a little. They dated for awhile, though.
My friend is a pretty self-confident guy. Comfortable within his body. I can’t imagine how such a thing, especially with a less-than-“nice” judgement, would affect a less confident man.
posted by Thorzdad at 3:58 PM on July 5, 2023 [2 favorites]
Not that I should surprised by what people are capable of, but I am still surprised by how many scumbags manage to get through the Hippocratic Oath when it's clear all they care about is money.
Whether it's someone like this fuckin' guy or the doctors who act as paid consultants to pimp drugs or other devices, it's always disappointing that organizations like the AMA don't push back (and yeah, I know the AMA is actually a business organization rather than a medical one).
posted by Ickster at 4:11 PM on July 5, 2023 [10 favorites]
Whether it's someone like this fuckin' guy or the doctors who act as paid consultants to pimp drugs or other devices, it's always disappointing that organizations like the AMA don't push back (and yeah, I know the AMA is actually a business organization rather than a medical one).
posted by Ickster at 4:11 PM on July 5, 2023 [10 favorites]
So I am sorry but I lost it where the paragraph above (the article itself) says
“I’m so sorry for another email,” he wrote in December, “but I am freaking out about the fact I have zero sensitivity in my penis!”and then the randomly interspersed comic says
“We wanted the kids to have all the things we never had”posted by the antecedent of that pronoun at 4:12 PM on July 5, 2023 [6 favorites]
This is extraordinarily grim, to the point I felt sorry not just for the patients, but for the journalist who seems profoundly affected by interviewing them all. Understandably! I came here to make some puerile dick jokes and I’ve got nothing
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:12 PM on July 5, 2023 [14 favorites]
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:12 PM on July 5, 2023 [14 favorites]
I hope everyone coming here to make dick jokes has learned that, in this context, they can indeed be very hard.
posted by DeepSeaHaggis at 4:26 PM on July 5, 2023 [25 favorites]
posted by DeepSeaHaggis at 4:26 PM on July 5, 2023 [25 favorites]
“It was very uncomfortable for my wife. She was getting microtears and was considering getting a procedure done to enlarge that opening.”That is just so... sad? Horrifying? Bizarre? Genital surgery folie a deux is a real head trip.
posted by mmcg at 4:48 PM on July 5, 2023 [9 favorites]
Ah, very uncomfortable read. Having a vivid imagination was not helpful. It sucks so many dudes have been trying to make other men get all fucked in the head over their penises. It sucks the artificial neurosis is so profitable to capitalists and it sucks that there are capitalists. It quadruple sucks some twisted inventor is allowed to make money experimenting on dude's dicks and lives, while also using the law to stop victims from discussing his horrible experiments, as well as publications trying to report on their mutilation.
posted by GoblinHoney at 5:26 PM on July 5, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by GoblinHoney at 5:26 PM on July 5, 2023 [4 favorites]
The photo illustration in the New Yorker article is by Maurizio Cattelan!?
posted by moonmilk at 5:53 PM on July 5, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by moonmilk at 5:53 PM on July 5, 2023 [2 favorites]
Genital surgery folie a deux is a real head trip.
Worst O. Henry story ever
posted by staggernation at 5:59 PM on July 5, 2023 [14 favorites]
Worst O. Henry story ever
posted by staggernation at 5:59 PM on July 5, 2023 [14 favorites]
I think we’re on the verge of being able to induce growth in the penises of adult men, anyway.
You might be able to do it right now with semi off the shelf drugs and devices, which makes me think someone must be giving it a try.
Which will make these guys feel even worse, I suppose.
posted by jamjam at 6:14 PM on July 5, 2023 [3 favorites]
You might be able to do it right now with semi off the shelf drugs and devices, which makes me think someone must be giving it a try.
Which will make these guys feel even worse, I suppose.
posted by jamjam at 6:14 PM on July 5, 2023 [3 favorites]
I am still surprised by how many scumbags manage to get through the Hippocratic Oath when it's clear all they care about is money.The earliest version of the Hippocratic Oath begins thus:
“To hold my teacher in this art equal to my own parents; to make him partner in my livelihood; when he is in need of money to share mine with him…”Rather than “first, do no harm,” it was literally “first, loan money to your med school prof.”
posted by mbrubeck at 6:16 PM on July 5, 2023 [16 favorites]
Hippocrates invented what might be one of the earliest pyramid schemes, then!
The things you learn on MetaFilter!
posted by jamjam at 6:25 PM on July 5, 2023 [3 favorites]
The things you learn on MetaFilter!
posted by jamjam at 6:25 PM on July 5, 2023 [3 favorites]
Great. Get rid of your crippling self-esteem problems by replacing them with entirely new, even worse problems!
The information that most men seeking this procedure were already of normal size really emphasises how predatory this is.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 6:37 PM on July 5, 2023 [3 favorites]
The information that most men seeking this procedure were already of normal size really emphasises how predatory this is.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 6:37 PM on July 5, 2023 [3 favorites]
This article is so well written. It is absolutely horrifying but then has some of the funniest things I have read this year.
This spring, he was released from prison, where he’d served time for participating in a car theft ring that a prosecutor described as highly sophisticated and that Bryan described to me as a matter of “incorrectly filled-out paperwork.” When he returned home, he got back into the enlargement scene.
I feel like if this were a Netflix series we would all be saying it was too ridiculous to be watchable, and yet here we are in real life.
posted by Literaryhero at 7:39 PM on July 5, 2023 [12 favorites]
This spring, he was released from prison, where he’d served time for participating in a car theft ring that a prosecutor described as highly sophisticated and that Bryan described to me as a matter of “incorrectly filled-out paperwork.” When he returned home, he got back into the enlargement scene.
I feel like if this were a Netflix series we would all be saying it was too ridiculous to be watchable, and yet here we are in real life.
posted by Literaryhero at 7:39 PM on July 5, 2023 [12 favorites]
This is sheer body-horror played out on real bodies
This is probably where Cronenberg drew the line.... (unless there's a scene or two I've suppressed in my unconsciousness).
posted by gtrwolf at 7:44 PM on July 5, 2023 [2 favorites]
This is probably where Cronenberg drew the line.... (unless there's a scene or two I've suppressed in my unconsciousness).
posted by gtrwolf at 7:44 PM on July 5, 2023 [2 favorites]
... the informed part was exactly what was missing from the discussions with these patients
Especially the one that was administered a 'fast-acting narcotic' immediately before being expected to consent to the whole lot of awful that tried to take away every right he had.
There's an obvious parallel here with the breast enlargement 'industry', with the key difference being that particular sham has had more time to practice and has reduced the occurrence of some of the more obvious errors from the process. It's playing on the same insecurity at heart, though. An insecurity driven relentlessly by all forms of media including, but far from exclusively, pornography.
posted by dg at 8:55 PM on July 5, 2023 [3 favorites]
Especially the one that was administered a 'fast-acting narcotic' immediately before being expected to consent to the whole lot of awful that tried to take away every right he had.
There's an obvious parallel here with the breast enlargement 'industry', with the key difference being that particular sham has had more time to practice and has reduced the occurrence of some of the more obvious errors from the process. It's playing on the same insecurity at heart, though. An insecurity driven relentlessly by all forms of media including, but far from exclusively, pornography.
posted by dg at 8:55 PM on July 5, 2023 [3 favorites]
I'm sorry,
He has also been named as a defendant in product liability lawsuits regarding inflatable penile prosthesis brought by plaintiffs Dick Glass and Semen Brodsky
Are you KIDDING ME, I can't even make myself google these names to see if this shit is real
posted by potrzebie at 12:07 AM on July 6, 2023 [16 favorites]
He has also been named as a defendant in product liability lawsuits regarding inflatable penile prosthesis brought by plaintiffs Dick Glass and Semen Brodsky
Are you KIDDING ME, I can't even make myself google these names to see if this shit is real
posted by potrzebie at 12:07 AM on July 6, 2023 [16 favorites]
" The information that most men seeking this procedure were already of normal size really emphasizes how predatory this is."
I think a lot of what's going wrong is the idea that just being normal Just Isn't Good Enough.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 1:25 AM on July 6, 2023 [7 favorites]
I think a lot of what's going wrong is the idea that just being normal Just Isn't Good Enough.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 1:25 AM on July 6, 2023 [7 favorites]
Dick Glass and Semen Brodsky
I withdraw my skepticism towards topical humor. Honestly, it's not hard enough
posted by DeepSeaHaggis at 2:29 AM on July 6, 2023 [2 favorites]
I withdraw my skepticism towards topical humor. Honestly, it's not hard enough
posted by DeepSeaHaggis at 2:29 AM on July 6, 2023 [2 favorites]
This is where I boringly point that there is a Cyrillic letter that looks like e -- ё -- but it is pronounced yo and Semen is a sort of mistransliteration of Семён/Semyon ie Simon.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 2:36 AM on July 6, 2023 [14 favorites]
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 2:36 AM on July 6, 2023 [14 favorites]
I think a lot of what's going wrong is the idea that just being normal Just Isn't Good Enough.
Our culture idolizes the extraordinary ones, and pumps an unending stream of homilies on making yourself better and better. That “average” isn’t good enough. You must strive for 110%. Second place is just the first loser. Etc. etc.
It’s a horrible, destructive message that has real consequences in many, many ways.
posted by Thorzdad at 4:37 AM on July 6, 2023 [10 favorites]
Our culture idolizes the extraordinary ones, and pumps an unending stream of homilies on making yourself better and better. That “average” isn’t good enough. You must strive for 110%. Second place is just the first loser. Etc. etc.
It’s a horrible, destructive message that has real consequences in many, many ways.
posted by Thorzdad at 4:37 AM on July 6, 2023 [10 favorites]
someone mentioned cronenberg upthread - yes, this is like if dead ringers were urologists instead of gynecologists.
posted by The Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas at 5:39 AM on July 6, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by The Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas at 5:39 AM on July 6, 2023 [3 favorites]
Just scanning the thread has convinced me that I do not want to read TFA.
posted by Aardvark Cheeselog at 6:01 AM on July 6, 2023 [9 favorites]
posted by Aardvark Cheeselog at 6:01 AM on July 6, 2023 [9 favorites]
Like dg said, this sounds like the early days of breast implants. It's a visual culture, get ready for the standard dick shape and trying to tell "if it's real" just like they used to do with breasts.
posted by kingdead at 6:38 AM on July 6, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by kingdead at 6:38 AM on July 6, 2023 [3 favorites]
I think a lot of what's going wrong is the idea that just being normal Just Isn't Good Enough.
Like dg said, this sounds like the early days of breast implants.
Exactly. I'd bet the majority of women who get implants have 'normal' sized breasts, and that plenty of men would like a ridiculously large penis even if the procedure causes it to lose a bunch of actual sexual functionality.
posted by The_Vegetables at 8:19 AM on July 6, 2023 [3 favorites]
Like dg said, this sounds like the early days of breast implants.
Exactly. I'd bet the majority of women who get implants have 'normal' sized breasts, and that plenty of men would like a ridiculously large penis even if the procedure causes it to lose a bunch of actual sexual functionality.
posted by The_Vegetables at 8:19 AM on July 6, 2023 [3 favorites]
In the paperwork Mick had initialed on the day of the surgery, a clause said, “The clinic highly discourages seeking information elsewhere as the information provided can be false, misleading, and inaccurate.”Seems legit! Very reassuring and professional!
I don't even have this body part, but I literally screeched out loud in horror multiple times while reading this. I am torn between a desire to share it because it's so morbidly fascinating, and not to, because it's so desperately sad and depressing.
posted by confluency at 10:05 AM on July 6, 2023 [4 favorites]
I read the article in the New Yorker with absolute horror.
An ordinary guy has NO reason to feel inadequate or insecure about what he naturally has. Even men who are below average can and do satisfy women and father children.
They can still have a good time.
Those are the reasons for having a penis right? That and being able to urinate.
The operations described and the horrific aftermath for all too many men was appalling to read about. Then there is the financial side of this whole ‘industry’.
This article described men who were maimed for life and there were some who took their own lives.
I can’t begin to imagine the pain.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 11:44 AM on July 6, 2023 [1 favorite]
An ordinary guy has NO reason to feel inadequate or insecure about what he naturally has. Even men who are below average can and do satisfy women and father children.
They can still have a good time.
Those are the reasons for having a penis right? That and being able to urinate.
The operations described and the horrific aftermath for all too many men was appalling to read about. Then there is the financial side of this whole ‘industry’.
This article described men who were maimed for life and there were some who took their own lives.
I can’t begin to imagine the pain.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 11:44 AM on July 6, 2023 [1 favorite]
I read the article. It's mostly about an intellectual property dispute.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 12:11 PM on July 6, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by paper chromatographologist at 12:11 PM on July 6, 2023 [1 favorite]
(It's the New Yorker, better put in some intellectual property stuff to keep the Rich People interested in a human interest story with a medical malpractice bent)
posted by tiny frying pan at 1:13 PM on July 6, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by tiny frying pan at 1:13 PM on July 6, 2023 [3 favorites]
"The scrotal skin gave easily, like something ripe, and a few seconds later, the man on the table let out a high-pitched sound."
help
posted by exlotuseater at 2:02 PM on July 6, 2023 [2 favorites]
help
posted by exlotuseater at 2:02 PM on July 6, 2023 [2 favorites]
René Malik, a YouTube MD Urologist, whom I’ve found to be highly credible over the 10-15 videos I’ve watched up to this point, says that having Covid can cause significant penis shrinkage, so we may be looking at increasing concern among men about this issue.
By the way, I’ve linked to a 'short' because even though I remember seeing a thumb for a longer, more fully developed video from her about this issue, when I went to her channel page to look for it, after I scrolled through maybe 25 rows of three per row videos of hers, YouTube switched me forcibly to the 'Shorts' category, and would not allow me to look through any more entries for the longer videos no matter what I did. YouTube has gone to Hell almost as far down as Twitter has, and is rapidly becoming almost unusable if you want to actually learn anything instead of buying something.
posted by jamjam at 2:25 PM on July 6, 2023 [2 favorites]
By the way, I’ve linked to a 'short' because even though I remember seeing a thumb for a longer, more fully developed video from her about this issue, when I went to her channel page to look for it, after I scrolled through maybe 25 rows of three per row videos of hers, YouTube switched me forcibly to the 'Shorts' category, and would not allow me to look through any more entries for the longer videos no matter what I did. YouTube has gone to Hell almost as far down as Twitter has, and is rapidly becoming almost unusable if you want to actually learn anything instead of buying something.
posted by jamjam at 2:25 PM on July 6, 2023 [2 favorites]
that having Covid can cause significant penis shrinkage
I wish they’d proved that earlier, probably would have quadrupled the vaccine uptake.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 9:58 PM on July 6, 2023 [9 favorites]
I wish they’d proved that earlier, probably would have quadrupled the vaccine uptake.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 9:58 PM on July 6, 2023 [9 favorites]
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posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 2:53 PM on July 5, 2023 [10 favorites]