“Oh yeah,” I said. “Call me Mister Diamond Hands.”

September 10, 2023 9:06 PM

Government-approved “private detectives” and “private security services”—they have their exams and licenses, and all that crap. That’s gatekeeping meant to distract the sheeple from the power of peer-to-peer, decentralized, distributed knowledge. I didn’t need a stinkin’ badge. Crypto is a private banking system, and I was a private bank guard—that was easy. Money in the Bank - new fiction from John Kessel and Bruce Sterling.
posted by Artw (12 comments total)

This is unadulterated, pure gold. I am howling.
posted by Literaryhero at 9:44 PM on September 10, 2023

I am very much reminded of the Leggy Starlitz stories, but, you know, horribly and appropriately updated.
posted by Artw at 9:46 PM on September 10, 2023

Disturbingly, but not entirely unexpectedly, plausible.
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:59 PM on September 10, 2023 [3 favorites]

Explains a lot.
posted by maxwelton at 1:11 AM on September 11, 2023

Thank you. That was perfect.
posted by drowsy at 6:07 AM on September 11, 2023

Re: Cocoanuts:

You can even get stucco. Oh, how you can get stucco...

I first came across this Marx witticism during the Big Short era of 2005-07, but part of the zeitgeist of 2017-now also has to be the blowing up of real estate. Not so surprising when a NY real estate mogul family worms his way into power, yet seeing how prices were rocketing up in Canada, UK, Australia, New Zealand . . . I wondered in disbelief at their prices levels, and felt they were heading into a colossal jam like the Japanese did to themselves 1988-91; these countries don't have 30 year fixed loan terms so the whipsawed tight money mortgage rate regime is one helluva squeeze (to the 30% of their populations that are still paying mortgages)
posted by Heywood Mogroot III at 6:29 AM on September 11, 2023

I haven't read John Kessel but I can definitely hear Bruce Sterling's voice throughout that piece. Loved it.
posted by allegedly at 6:35 AM on September 11, 2023

It's worth mentioning that there's an amazing audio version of this too, read by Stefan Rudnicki.
posted by Gygesringtone at 7:56 AM on September 11, 2023 [1 favorite]

I'm a long time John Kessel fan from his stories in Fantasy and Science Fiction so I really enjoyed this one.
posted by fiercekitten at 8:10 AM on September 11, 2023

I started writing out a bunch of notes, but scrapped it. This story starts out meh, but that's a red herring and it does go somewhere (and somewhere great.) Even the lines that were a bit too on the nose were still clever and this is a wonderful short story.

Also, everyone should see Sorry To Bother You (and try not to let anyone spoil the twist for you).

I don't know enough about John Anderson or his "Money in the Bank" song to get why it was used for the title. I looked up the lyrics to the song. Aside from the obvious my-wife's-love-is-more-important-than-money topic, is there another connection?
posted by AlSweigart at 8:40 AM on September 11, 2023

"This is the last will and testament of I, John David McAfee..."
posted by wenestvedt at 9:15 AM on September 11, 2023 [4 favorites]

This strikes me as a continuation of the genre invented by the classic "L.P.D.: Libertarian Police Department" by Tom O'Donnell. Or by half of Heinlein's fiction depending on how you read him.
posted by jy4m at 7:14 AM on September 13, 2023 [1 favorite]