We're Safety Now Haven't We

September 20, 2023 3:03 PM

When you think of real bangers, you wouldn't generally think of the Consumer Product Safety Commission, because, well, they're the ones tasked on keeping you from a... banger. But they just dropped, very carefully, the album-length We're Safety Now Haven't We, a real, uh, banger?
posted by eschatfische (31 comments total)

Move along, no sausages to see here.
posted by biffa at 3:10 PM on September 20, 2023 [4 favorites]

Move along, no sausages to see here.

Oh, they're here, just cooked to a food-safe 165°F.
posted by eschatfische at 3:12 PM on September 20, 2023 [9 favorites]

Oh my, seems to me Phone Away is a perfect 4AM EDC jam.
posted by riverlife at 3:14 PM on September 20, 2023 [2 favorites]

This mostly manages to walk a fine-line between being very self-aware while still delivering an earnest public safety message. I think it actually doesn't do a great job at the PSA part, but leaning heavily into old school hip hop and outdated, early 2010s memes has to be self-aware, right?
posted by asnider at 3:20 PM on September 20, 2023 [2 favorites]

AOTY
posted by rossmeissl at 3:23 PM on September 20, 2023 [1 favorite]

I have absolutely no f*cking clue at exactly which strata of the millions of layers of irony that have been deposited on popular culture since the year 2000 this particular entity resides
posted by Jon Mitchell at 3:24 PM on September 20, 2023 [9 favorites]

I haven't had a chance to give this whole album a listen yet, but I'm assuming this is where I get to share my favorite PSA banger (from the past several years, at least): Park Your Phone
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 3:33 PM on September 20, 2023 [3 favorites]

I've never listened to something before that, within the first 30 seconds even, I'm desperate to read the oral history of the making of it.

Whence the funding? talent scouting? who holds the copyright, who makes money off it? and just fucking HOW??? and only maybe a little bit ...why?
posted by Cold Lurkey at 3:35 PM on September 20, 2023 [10 favorites]

It’s in the public domain. I hope the rest of those questions have equally great answers.
posted by mhoye at 3:39 PM on September 20, 2023

MetaFilter: only maybe a little bit ...why?
posted by hippybear at 3:43 PM on September 20, 2023

NPR has a bit more information on how it happened. The artists are remaining anonymous, although I wouldn't be surprised if people figured them all out before long.
posted by fedward at 3:49 PM on September 20, 2023 [2 favorites]

I think if they were truly brilliant, they'd release the stems. Public domain, right? Remixing opportunities, right?

Yeah, release the stems. Really set all this free.
posted by hippybear at 3:56 PM on September 20, 2023 [2 favorites]

"Protect ya neck and your noggin'" is a genius line. It shows a much greater effort and cultural awareness than just about any PSA music out there.

Definitely beats the hell out of that shit California was putting out in the 90s expounding on the value of work while they were busy kicking people off of benefits as rapidly as possible.
posted by wierdo at 4:01 PM on September 20, 2023 [6 favorites]

Evokes fond memories of Dumb Ways to Die
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 4:08 PM on September 20, 2023 [4 favorites]

Digging into their YouTube feed, there’s this gem of a short film on fireworks safety.
posted by eviemath at 4:42 PM on September 20, 2023 [4 favorites]

It's no "Don't Put Marbles In Your Nose (Put Them In There, Do Not Put Them In There)" but I guess nothing is.
posted by unknowncommand at 4:42 PM on September 20, 2023 [11 favorites]

The Consumer Product Safety Commission twitter account has been delightfully deranged for a while now.

And their weird memes are being archived in the Library of Congress. Joseph Galbo (the CPSC social media specialist) knows exactly what he’s doing.
posted by dephlogisticated at 4:52 PM on September 20, 2023 [8 favorites]

I can’t tell you how much I love this. It just cracks me up to think about GS-13s making safety parody videos.
posted by haptic_avenger at 5:33 PM on September 20, 2023 [2 favorites]

It’s no "Don't Put Marbles In Your Nose (Put Them In There, Do Not Put Them In There)" but I guess nothing is.

You can’t just drop that in the thread without a link.
posted by eviemath at 5:36 PM on September 20, 2023 [8 favorites]

Mrs. gogi has a theory that these are all A.I. generated, which is why they’re a) so coy about the artists and b) in the public domain.
posted by heyitsgogi at 6:02 PM on September 20, 2023

"So tell me, at what point did you get the urge to stick marbles into your nose?"

"When Spikey told me not to."
posted by muddgirl at 6:26 PM on September 20, 2023 [7 favorites]

I really like the sample of the old safety video at the beginning of this one is a signature being like “CPSC on the track”
posted by Jon_Evil at 8:15 PM on September 20, 2023

"Phone Away "- an entire song scolding pedestrians for looking at their phones. No mention of the thousands of pedestrians and cyclists injured or killed by cars in the US every year.

You'd think tripping while watching TikTok was a leading cause of death.

Did a car write this song?
posted by lem at 8:45 PM on September 20, 2023 [3 favorites]

Did a car write this song?

If you want a US Federal Agency to commission a song about auto safety, you'll have to petition the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. Federal agencies stay in their lanes.
posted by RichardP at 9:18 PM on September 20, 2023 [9 favorites]

Protect Ya Noggin sounds like every bad 'how do you do fellow kids' PSA attempt for the last... thirty years? Forty? Serious "don't copy that floppy" vibes, and just as cringey.

The rest of the album is much better than that.
posted by Dysk at 11:56 PM on September 20, 2023

The clever thing is that the vocal parts are imperceptible to us olds. Like that 30 rock scene about tones young/old folks can/can't hear.

seriously, I was unsure there were vocal parts at all on some of these
posted by revmitcz at 12:57 AM on September 21, 2023

That twitter feed is indeed absolutely delightful. Look what they came up with for baby safety month!!
posted by MiraK at 4:55 AM on September 21, 2023 [2 favorites]

I love their stuff because it feels like someone with an offbeat sense of humor just making things they like. Gets into "so bad it's good" territory
posted by Baethan at 6:21 AM on September 21, 2023 [5 favorites]

i must be from a different planet than some people because i cannot imagine any serious criticisms for this material

it exists, that is good, thank you for sharing eschatfische
posted by elkevelvet at 7:26 AM on September 21, 2023 [5 favorites]

Did a car write this song?

It wouldn't be the first time.
posted by eschatfische at 9:04 AM on September 21, 2023

The clever thing is that the vocal parts are imperceptible to us olds.

Is it clever or just bad mixing?
posted by asnider at 10:50 AM on September 21, 2023