The Great Cajun Turtle Heist

November 11, 2023 6:12 AM

CW: Suicide
Texas Monthly brings you a story of human tragedy, turtle smuggling, and one U. S. Fish and Wildlife special agent trying to bring down a poaching dynasty.
posted by Hypatia (8 comments total)

Great story; I remember the last time I saw my grandfather we went fishing together on Toledo Bend (about 1972-3). Might need a CW for suicide.
posted by TedW at 10:06 AM on November 11, 2023 [2 favorites]

The alligator snapping turtle is also native to Arkansas.

And even though the state also has bears, alligators, wild hogs, brown recluses, black widows, and six different venomous snakes (Natural State, y’all), the alligator snapping turtle is for me the one that produces the most visceral fear.

I sometimes stop my car to help a turtle across the road. But when I do stop, and upon a closer look I see it’s an alligator snapper, even a small one, I just can’t do it.

Glad to know people are working to preserve and protect these gigantic dinosaur-looking guys.
posted by box at 5:31 PM on November 11, 2023

We once caught an alligator snapping turtle in our bayou. We put a cast iron pot over it and ran to go get adults to show off our prowess. The damn thing pretty much ripped through the (rusted) pot before my brother got back.

Anyhow, in that part of the country you make do without much regard for government regulations. But there's a reason we put animals on endangered lists, or regulate hunting and fishing. What started as a way to feed the family and make money on the side became a bigger problem than he reckoned.
posted by gwydapllew at 6:19 PM on November 11, 2023 [1 favorite]

There s an alligator snapper at the Bass Pro in Gonzales. She does not move much. My friend thought it was stuffed. The turtle is about four feet from nose to rump, quite incredible.

I don't like Texas stories about Louisiana people considering how much Texas has robbed us, in that part of the country. Our wealth built Houston and Dallas. Last time I was in Kemah, I was complimented for having all of my teeth. I'm from that part of the country.

I imagine a Louisiana where Texas did not rob us, and this woman could have worked for wildlife and fisheries, with her incredible knowledge of the animal. I dream of it, sometimes still.
posted by eustatic at 7:37 PM on November 11, 2023 [6 favorites]

My dad is from Southern New Jersey and has a story about coming across an inlet on the coast that was covered in blue crabs. Thousands upon thousands of them. He thought he'd hit the jackpot and grabbed some to take home for dinner. His stepfather was furious - it turns out dad had unintentionally poached a protected habitat. They were both worried the wardens would come after them and he took the crabs back. Game wardens are serious business.

This article is about people who have been in the game wardens' sights over and over again. People who are generational poachers. Colo's idea of deer hunting is to drive around at night, use a spotlight to startle a deer and make them freeze in place, then shoot them from the vehicle. I don't care how much Viola protested she cared about the turtles - I have no sympathy for poachers.
posted by thecjm at 8:12 PM on November 11, 2023 [6 favorites]

It's nice to see MeFi branching out with FPPs on both turtle AND cheese heists.
posted by Larry David Syndrome at 6:07 AM on November 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

We've broccoli begun to cover all the gastronomical monstrosities imaginable.
posted by y2karl at 4:39 PM on November 13, 2023

Thanks for posting this story! I grew up near where the story takes place, and agree that of all the dangerous snakes/spiders/etc, snapping turtles were what I was most scared of. When I was a kid, playing in the creek with my brother and some friends we came across a massive one...not as big as Brutus, but still easily 50+ pounds. My brother wanted to catch it, but I convinced him to try to herd it along with a limb instead.....you think of turtles as being slow, but they can move FAST when they want, and this one did not enjoy being prodded along. It whipped its' neck around, snapped down on the limb and shattered it - it wasn't a rotten limb either. Given that the stick was both longer and bigger than my leg, I noped right out of the creek bed as quick as I could, and gave that section of the creek a wide berth for years after. Thanks for bringing that memory back!
posted by csox at 6:21 AM on November 14, 2023 [2 favorites]