You don't have that kind of time.
December 20, 2023 6:18 AM Subscribe
An essay about aging by Anne Lamott. (WaPo gift link).
Lovely.
posted by latkes at 7:23 AM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by latkes at 7:23 AM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
"friendship makes it all a rowing machine for the soul".
Of all the equipment in a gym it's a water filled rowing machine that is my truest challenge, the one I am able to push the hardest and hit the absolute limit of my endurance. More accurately, was. It's been decades now since that period of my life. I can't know the authors intent but that line struck me like lightening.
posted by zenon at 7:39 AM on December 20, 2023 [3 favorites]
Of all the equipment in a gym it's a water filled rowing machine that is my truest challenge, the one I am able to push the hardest and hit the absolute limit of my endurance. More accurately, was. It's been decades now since that period of my life. I can't know the authors intent but that line struck me like lightening.
posted by zenon at 7:39 AM on December 20, 2023 [3 favorites]
I turned 65 this year and am facing a major life change that has both my head and body in various jitters, knots and hiccups. This was a good reminder of the long view. Thank you.
posted by the sobsister at 8:16 AM on December 20, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by the sobsister at 8:16 AM on December 20, 2023 [3 favorites]
Oh, Annie. Her writing makes me cry in the best way.
posted by Lookinguppy at 8:30 AM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Lookinguppy at 8:30 AM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
So many lovely bits in this piece but this
Love and service make us rich.
Oh yes.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 9:30 AM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
Love and service make us rich.
Oh yes.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 9:30 AM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
I spend a good deal of time looking at the sky from my tiny front porch, weather permitting. The birds (especially the swallows), the cloud formations and the occasional ancient and noisy prop plane struggling past. Every morning I take an inventory to determine what body parts may or may not be functional today before getting out of bed. And since I'm of the opinion that the entire universe will disappear precisely when I do, I technically have all the time in the world...
posted by jim in austin at 9:42 AM on December 20, 2023 [8 favorites]
posted by jim in austin at 9:42 AM on December 20, 2023 [8 favorites]
“One does what one can.”
posted by doctornemo at 10:59 AM on December 20, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by doctornemo at 10:59 AM on December 20, 2023 [3 favorites]
I was surprised to look on Wikipedia and see that Anne Lamott is only 68. I'm into my 70s, and I feel more like the warhorse than the sparrow. Take care of your health, kids. Don't drink. Don't watch the news. Exercise like you mean it. Always have big goals. Best of all, if you live past 65, the govt. gives you free money and healthcare for the rest of your life. I have no complaints.
posted by Modest House at 2:15 PM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by Modest House at 2:15 PM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
Couple of days ago I clicked the dial from 68 to 69. So I've got a bit of a line on it.
I guess eight or nine years ago I told my sponsor "Bob, I see people who approach me and tell me that something I said was good for them, changed their life, whatever, blah blah blah. But as far as I know, I've never seen them before. Bob, I'm looking for my keys when they're in my hand, my sunglasses when they're on my head, the toothpaste when it's right there where it's supposed to be. I'm losing my shit ! I'm brain-dead !!! Aaaaaah !!!! He looked at me with that one look he's got that totally sucks, he says "You're 60. Welcome to the show." From what he told me, it's actually rather amazing that he and his wife get anything done.
But it's really frustrating, esp in real time. And humbling. Writing is easy-peasy, because I actually do have access to the name or number I'm looking for, and I can come back and fill it in. But when I'm speaking with someone and I don't remember their birthday or whatever, it sucks. And for you, if you're not yet 60, and you're listening to two people who have crossed that magic line, you'll be amused to listen to us.
All that said about hitting 60, there is a real villian, Alzheimers grabbed my father, at 84, and every one of his sibs. Some in their 70s, some in their 80s, one hit into his 90s, and had acuity. But I tend to listen close when talking to my sibs. I'm the guy who would prefer to know. If you are a person who is interested, I cannot recommend the book "Still Alice" by Lisa Genova highly enough. Alice, the main character, is a brilliant woman who knew exactly what was happening to her, until she didn't any more, as her brain came undone. And Genova knows the topic inside and out, she's brilliant -- reading her is like listening to Jill Bolte Taylor tell us about having a stroke, it's like listening to Kay Redfield Jamison* on the topic of manic depression, it's like reading Elyn Saks write about schizophrenia. If you want the low-down, go to people who have been there, and can tell us exactly where "there" is.
*Jamison a hero of mine, on fire with smarts on a topic that I want to know all I can about. I love that she was considering being a doc and easy had the smarts and discipline but fell back to being a psychologist, because as a doc she'd be able to write herself for any drug, and had enough a sense of herself to know that's not a good plan for a person who is going to spend some time suicidal. What a gal!
~~~~~
Four years ago, or four years and a half, out of nowhere I'm sick as hell. Projectile vomiting, which as best I can recall looking back the years of my life only ever came from drinking, but here I am, sober as your mother, vomiting not only out of my mouth but also my nostrils. I didn't like it. I'm guessing covid but who knows.
This was when I was still deep into the "Ride your bike 11 miles every day and no excuses, you big tub of goo!" and I wasn't going to let some horses ass sickness stop my life.
~~~~~
This next bit came shortly after the "Fuck am I ever sick piece.", I don't know how much later but inside a few weeks I began to fall down. In my condo. Walking to my mailbox. Whatever. Wherever. Whenever, for sure, it wasn't on a schedule. I've got a friend who has this nasty illness which took control out of his hands, he has broken arms, broke a tooth, etc. So I understood what could happen.
My bicycle wasn't a problem, if I made it to the stairs without falling, making it down the stairs generally wasn't a problem -- lots to grab onto / hold onto in the stairwell. From the stairs on out to the street I sometimes could use the bike as a crutch but not always, generally I went down once on the walk to the street. And then on the bike I fell once more, just part of the show, down while headed up to the trail entrance. But once moving on the trail I didn't fall. Not once. Nor did I fall after I got home from the ride, and upstairs. That piece was / is pretty cool.
~~~~~
I'm not falling hardly at all any longer but I've got a new trick -- rolling out of my bed as I sleep. I'm amazed I didn't fuck up my neck, lots of times my head stuck between the bed and the nightstand and easy could have twisted this way or that, sortof like I've got my own chiropractor to adjust my spine and stuff.
The past two weeks I'm sleeping on the floor, on this long-ass yoga mat that I've got, and a couple of blankets. I'm lying on it as I type this in.
~~~~~
Have I told my doctor, or my shrink, or my cardiologist, or any of my sibs? No. Way. My friends know about it, and they bark plenty enough, no need to drag in anyone else. I say one word to my doc and I'll be put into upwards of 247 databases; I've already got my insurance company calling me all the time, extending their "care" and wanting to ask me a million, billion questions about this, that, the other. One called this morning, I was driving to yet another doc, the guy did not want to let me go, I told him he's not worth a $250 ticket bye-bye.
I *may* tell my shrink, next time I see him. God knows I shove a lot of different medications into my head, might be that one is crossing a line -- since the cardiac jive showed up a couple of years ago I've added two more medications. But if I tell *any* *one* of these ppl then all the rest know about it also and any of them could easy get all arm-wavy about it. It took me literally ~ decades ~ to find a psych med combo that helps me not want to put a pistol into my mouth -- as you might imagine, I do not want to rock that boat.
~~~~~
So anyways. I'm on the floor. I'm not sure what's next, one friend suggested a railing, he got one from Amazon, his daughter was all the time falling off the bed and that has worked. I would of course look totally dorky and would toss it into the attic if anyone came over, same as you would. Might be you think I look totally dorky laying on a yoga mat but you gotta pick your poison, it's a really good yoga mat and probably I could sell someone on the idea it's good for my back. Maybe you -- will you buy that line of bs? For jesus christ sake, don't ask my doc.
posted by dancestoblue at 4:29 PM on December 20, 2023 [12 favorites]
I guess eight or nine years ago I told my sponsor "Bob, I see people who approach me and tell me that something I said was good for them, changed their life, whatever, blah blah blah. But as far as I know, I've never seen them before. Bob, I'm looking for my keys when they're in my hand, my sunglasses when they're on my head, the toothpaste when it's right there where it's supposed to be. I'm losing my shit ! I'm brain-dead !!! Aaaaaah !!!! He looked at me with that one look he's got that totally sucks, he says "You're 60. Welcome to the show." From what he told me, it's actually rather amazing that he and his wife get anything done.
But it's really frustrating, esp in real time. And humbling. Writing is easy-peasy, because I actually do have access to the name or number I'm looking for, and I can come back and fill it in. But when I'm speaking with someone and I don't remember their birthday or whatever, it sucks. And for you, if you're not yet 60, and you're listening to two people who have crossed that magic line, you'll be amused to listen to us.
All that said about hitting 60, there is a real villian, Alzheimers grabbed my father, at 84, and every one of his sibs. Some in their 70s, some in their 80s, one hit into his 90s, and had acuity. But I tend to listen close when talking to my sibs. I'm the guy who would prefer to know. If you are a person who is interested, I cannot recommend the book "Still Alice" by Lisa Genova highly enough. Alice, the main character, is a brilliant woman who knew exactly what was happening to her, until she didn't any more, as her brain came undone. And Genova knows the topic inside and out, she's brilliant -- reading her is like listening to Jill Bolte Taylor tell us about having a stroke, it's like listening to Kay Redfield Jamison* on the topic of manic depression, it's like reading Elyn Saks write about schizophrenia. If you want the low-down, go to people who have been there, and can tell us exactly where "there" is.
*Jamison a hero of mine, on fire with smarts on a topic that I want to know all I can about. I love that she was considering being a doc and easy had the smarts and discipline but fell back to being a psychologist, because as a doc she'd be able to write herself for any drug, and had enough a sense of herself to know that's not a good plan for a person who is going to spend some time suicidal. What a gal!
~~~~~
Four years ago, or four years and a half, out of nowhere I'm sick as hell. Projectile vomiting, which as best I can recall looking back the years of my life only ever came from drinking, but here I am, sober as your mother, vomiting not only out of my mouth but also my nostrils. I didn't like it. I'm guessing covid but who knows.
This was when I was still deep into the "Ride your bike 11 miles every day and no excuses, you big tub of goo!" and I wasn't going to let some horses ass sickness stop my life.
~~~~~
This next bit came shortly after the "Fuck am I ever sick piece.", I don't know how much later but inside a few weeks I began to fall down. In my condo. Walking to my mailbox. Whatever. Wherever. Whenever, for sure, it wasn't on a schedule. I've got a friend who has this nasty illness which took control out of his hands, he has broken arms, broke a tooth, etc. So I understood what could happen.
My bicycle wasn't a problem, if I made it to the stairs without falling, making it down the stairs generally wasn't a problem -- lots to grab onto / hold onto in the stairwell. From the stairs on out to the street I sometimes could use the bike as a crutch but not always, generally I went down once on the walk to the street. And then on the bike I fell once more, just part of the show, down while headed up to the trail entrance. But once moving on the trail I didn't fall. Not once. Nor did I fall after I got home from the ride, and upstairs. That piece was / is pretty cool.
~~~~~
I'm not falling hardly at all any longer but I've got a new trick -- rolling out of my bed as I sleep. I'm amazed I didn't fuck up my neck, lots of times my head stuck between the bed and the nightstand and easy could have twisted this way or that, sortof like I've got my own chiropractor to adjust my spine and stuff.
The past two weeks I'm sleeping on the floor, on this long-ass yoga mat that I've got, and a couple of blankets. I'm lying on it as I type this in.
~~~~~
Have I told my doctor, or my shrink, or my cardiologist, or any of my sibs? No. Way. My friends know about it, and they bark plenty enough, no need to drag in anyone else. I say one word to my doc and I'll be put into upwards of 247 databases; I've already got my insurance company calling me all the time, extending their "care" and wanting to ask me a million, billion questions about this, that, the other. One called this morning, I was driving to yet another doc, the guy did not want to let me go, I told him he's not worth a $250 ticket bye-bye.
I *may* tell my shrink, next time I see him. God knows I shove a lot of different medications into my head, might be that one is crossing a line -- since the cardiac jive showed up a couple of years ago I've added two more medications. But if I tell *any* *one* of these ppl then all the rest know about it also and any of them could easy get all arm-wavy about it. It took me literally ~ decades ~ to find a psych med combo that helps me not want to put a pistol into my mouth -- as you might imagine, I do not want to rock that boat.
~~~~~
So anyways. I'm on the floor. I'm not sure what's next, one friend suggested a railing, he got one from Amazon, his daughter was all the time falling off the bed and that has worked. I would of course look totally dorky and would toss it into the attic if anyone came over, same as you would. Might be you think I look totally dorky laying on a yoga mat but you gotta pick your poison, it's a really good yoga mat and probably I could sell someone on the idea it's good for my back. Maybe you -- will you buy that line of bs? For jesus christ sake, don't ask my doc.
posted by dancestoblue at 4:29 PM on December 20, 2023 [12 favorites]
Thank you for sharing all of that, dancestoblue. Please take care.
(I'm not too far behind you, hitting 57 soon)
posted by doctornemo at 5:25 PM on December 20, 2023
(I'm not too far behind you, hitting 57 soon)
posted by doctornemo at 5:25 PM on December 20, 2023
I'm not sure what's next, one friend suggested a railing
Pool noodle on each side of the bed, secured under your fitted sheet. Toss it under the bed if you are concerned a visitor might see it. Take good care.
posted by ersatzkat at 7:29 PM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
Pool noodle on each side of the bed, secured under your fitted sheet. Toss it under the bed if you are concerned a visitor might see it. Take good care.
posted by ersatzkat at 7:29 PM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
"Annie, you don't have that kind of time."
Aye, none of us do.
posted by storybored at 9:42 PM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
Aye, none of us do.
posted by storybored at 9:42 PM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
Pool noodle on each side of the bed, secured under your fitted sheet. Toss it under the bed if you are concerned a visitor might see it. Take good care.
posted by ersatzkat at 9:29 PM on December 20 [1 favorite −] Favorite added!
Hurray ersatzkat !! Not sure about the pool noodles but you did set me to thinking, called Best Friend In Austin Jimmy who is all the time spending tons of money of high quality mattresses. He's got on in his garage, king size, nice and firm. My frame queen size but HUGE with lots of room around it, just enough to stuff that king size gem in there.
For longer than I want to cop to I've been annoyed by how honkin' big this four poster oak bed frame thing is but as you can clearly see I *don't* spend much time to clearly seeing my way to a fix of anything better than a yoga pad on the floor. Raining today/tomorrow but will get that thing into my pickup and jammed into that frame. Gonna buy bedding and noodles and problem will be solved. This should be an Ask where I can mark you "Best Answer"; this will have to do. There ought to be a flag for Honorable Mention....
posted by dancestoblue at 10:25 PM on December 21, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by ersatzkat at 9:29 PM on December 20 [1 favorite −] Favorite added!
Hurray ersatzkat !! Not sure about the pool noodles but you did set me to thinking, called Best Friend In Austin Jimmy who is all the time spending tons of money of high quality mattresses. He's got on in his garage, king size, nice and firm. My frame queen size but HUGE with lots of room around it, just enough to stuff that king size gem in there.
For longer than I want to cop to I've been annoyed by how honkin' big this four poster oak bed frame thing is but as you can clearly see I *don't* spend much time to clearly seeing my way to a fix of anything better than a yoga pad on the floor. Raining today/tomorrow but will get that thing into my pickup and jammed into that frame. Gonna buy bedding and noodles and problem will be solved. This should be an Ask where I can mark you "Best Answer"; this will have to do. There ought to be a flag for Honorable Mention....
posted by dancestoblue at 10:25 PM on December 21, 2023 [4 favorites]
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posted by grumpybear69 at 6:54 AM on December 20, 2023 [3 favorites]