DON'T DATE ROBOTS
January 9, 2024 12:14 AM Subscribe
AskAManager: "men are hitting on my scheduling bot because it has a woman’s name"
Obligatory Futurama: DON'T DATE ROBOTS
Obligatory Futurama: DON'T DATE ROBOTS
This is amazing. On one hand, yuck. On the other hand, I sometimes envy people with this level of misplaced confidence. Imagine what I could accomplish if I was that confident and used it for the forces of good. I would be unstoppable.
posted by Literaryhero at 12:59 AM on January 9 [35 favorites]
posted by Literaryhero at 12:59 AM on January 9 [35 favorites]
As someone in the AAM comments section already pointed out, this is at the same time both hysterically funny and depressingly predictable.
As a software geek I think there'd be a case for reprogramming Emily with some Artificial Stupidity. Give it its own social media accounts, and every time one of these men hits on it, have it post 'Hey this guy likes me! I'm so happyyyyy!!!!' with a screenshot of the complete interaction - real names and all.
posted by Cardinal Fang at 1:30 AM on January 9 [31 favorites]
As a software geek I think there'd be a case for reprogramming Emily with some Artificial Stupidity. Give it its own social media accounts, and every time one of these men hits on it, have it post 'Hey this guy likes me! I'm so happyyyyy!!!!' with a screenshot of the complete interaction - real names and all.
posted by Cardinal Fang at 1:30 AM on January 9 [31 favorites]
I liked the comment that compared this behaviour to birds that respond to grotesque and seemingly ludicrous artificial stimuli that trigger their instincts. We are animals, and most of the time most of us have our higher faculties shut that shit down because it's stupid and wrong, but not all of us all of the time.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 1:51 AM on January 9 [17 favorites]
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 1:51 AM on January 9 [17 favorites]
I feel like there's a real opportunity to take advantage of these men in a somewhat brutal, but arguably deserved way. Something between using it as leverage for a better deal, and funnelling them through to an Onlyfans subscription.
posted by krisjohn at 2:01 AM on January 9 [8 favorites]
posted by krisjohn at 2:01 AM on January 9 [8 favorites]
On the other hand, I sometimes envy people with this level of misplaced confidence. Imagine what I could accomplish if I was that confident and used it for the forces of good. I would be unstoppable.
Reminds me of one of my favorite pillow embroideries: "May God grant me the confidence of a mediocre man"
posted by newpotato at 2:11 AM on January 9 [38 favorites]
Reminds me of one of my favorite pillow embroideries: "May God grant me the confidence of a mediocre man"
posted by newpotato at 2:11 AM on January 9 [38 favorites]
Obviously it's because the word 'date' is appearing in the scheduling email and these men are just misunderstanding the meaning, and think they're being asked out for a romantic assignation!
(in reality, UGHH. Hope Emily's operator starts forwarding those emails to their bosses as suggested)
posted by Absolutely No You-Know-What at 2:19 AM on January 9 [3 favorites]
(in reality, UGHH. Hope Emily's operator starts forwarding those emails to their bosses as suggested)
posted by Absolutely No You-Know-What at 2:19 AM on January 9 [3 favorites]
I feel like there's a real opportunity to take advantage of these men in a somewhat brutal, but arguably deserved way. Something between using it as leverage for a better deal, and funnelling them through to an Onlyfans subscription.
It's kind of already been done. The 'dating' site Ashley Madison ostensibly connected people looking for extramarital affairs. One day its servers were hacked and the user database exposed. It transpired that there had actually only ever been a couple of hundred women using the site at all; all the rest were bots hooking money out of stupid, gullible men. A large and loud amount of unfavourable publicity ensued for the site. But the stupid, gullible men carried on signing up in their thousands.
posted by Cardinal Fang at 2:20 AM on January 9 [44 favorites]
It's kind of already been done. The 'dating' site Ashley Madison ostensibly connected people looking for extramarital affairs. One day its servers were hacked and the user database exposed. It transpired that there had actually only ever been a couple of hundred women using the site at all; all the rest were bots hooking money out of stupid, gullible men. A large and loud amount of unfavourable publicity ensued for the site. But the stupid, gullible men carried on signing up in their thousands.
posted by Cardinal Fang at 2:20 AM on January 9 [44 favorites]
Obviously it's because the word 'date' is appearing in the scheduling email and these men are just misunderstanding the meaning, and think they're being asked out for a romantic assignation!
The word 'fuck' appears in the Linux kernel 62 times, but github isn't full of reciprocal propositions.
posted by Cardinal Fang at 2:22 AM on January 9 [11 favorites]
The word 'fuck' appears in the Linux kernel 62 times, but github isn't full of reciprocal propositions.
posted by Cardinal Fang at 2:22 AM on January 9 [11 favorites]
It doesn't even require a name. I used to go into multiplayer Xbox car races with a car that was colored pink and I would get come-ons and sexist remarks.
At least the Xbox players were mostly teenagers...
posted by mmoncur at 2:22 AM on January 9 [2 favorites]
At least the Xbox players were mostly teenagers...
posted by mmoncur at 2:22 AM on January 9 [2 favorites]
Isn't it a part of the PUA worldview that dating is just a numbers game, like car sales or MLM, and asking out any female you come in contact with is just part of the game? It's like a Nigerian scam -- the stupidity is the point, because if she says yes, she's the kind of mark who would say yes to a stranger asking her out totally cold, sight unseen. Excuse me while I go rinse my brain with bleach.
posted by bgribble at 4:00 AM on January 9 [26 favorites]
posted by bgribble at 4:00 AM on January 9 [26 favorites]
most of the time most of us have our higher faculties shut that shit down
[citation needed]
posted by mhoye at 4:29 AM on January 9 [3 favorites]
[citation needed]
posted by mhoye at 4:29 AM on January 9 [3 favorites]
On the other hand, I sometimes envy people with this level of misplaced confidence.
Confidence or desperation?
posted by Klipspringer at 5:04 AM on January 9 [6 favorites]
Confidence or desperation?
posted by Klipspringer at 5:04 AM on January 9 [6 favorites]
I did some very unscientific A/B testing on this years ago in some online forum. Using a generic sort of ID, answers to my questions were short and matter-of-fact. When I created a new account (lost login info), I switched to some over-the-top "hi, I'm a woman" name I pulled from something I was reading. Suddenly, guys were practically fondling me with words and going into great detail with their assistance, and I swear I didn't switch personalities to match the user name. They were just dying to impress this fictional woman.
posted by pracowity at 5:12 AM on January 9 [9 favorites]
posted by pracowity at 5:12 AM on January 9 [9 favorites]
In one of those weird coincidence things...
... some dude tried to pick me up yesterday... on LinkedIn. Where I barely have an account -- just name and photo -- because I only ever use it to teach OSINT techniques.
I didn't do a whole lot of checking, but I don't think it was a catfish; none of the known catfish indicators were present. (Do catfishers even catfish on LinkedIn?) Seemed like an actual dude.
Oh well. He's blocked now. And I put up an updated photo, because the one that was there is ten years old and I retired it everywhere else already. With luck "she's in her 50s and looks every day of it" will shut further such dudes down.
posted by humbug at 5:24 AM on January 9 [17 favorites]
... some dude tried to pick me up yesterday... on LinkedIn. Where I barely have an account -- just name and photo -- because I only ever use it to teach OSINT techniques.
I didn't do a whole lot of checking, but I don't think it was a catfish; none of the known catfish indicators were present. (Do catfishers even catfish on LinkedIn?) Seemed like an actual dude.
Oh well. He's blocked now. And I put up an updated photo, because the one that was there is ten years old and I retired it everywhere else already. With luck "she's in her 50s and looks every day of it" will shut further such dudes down.
posted by humbug at 5:24 AM on January 9 [17 favorites]
Confidence or desperation?
Yes, I too would like to object to the word 'confidence' being used in the context of 'that which enables shitty men to feel empowered to say and do unacceptable things'.
posted by Cardinal Fang at 5:25 AM on January 9 [8 favorites]
Yes, I too would like to object to the word 'confidence' being used in the context of 'that which enables shitty men to feel empowered to say and do unacceptable things'.
posted by Cardinal Fang at 5:25 AM on January 9 [8 favorites]
(Do catfishers even catfish on LinkedIn?)
Yes. My partner gets catfishing messages there fairly routinely. Or maybe it's a mix of catfishers and real people hoping for a date, I don't know; either way, people use the site for that. (But in a funny symmetry, a portion of the whackadoodle screenshots people post in places like r/tinder are from people using Tinder to try and help their job search. So it goes both ways, I guess.)
Reminds me of one of my favorite pillow embroideries: "May God grant me the confidence of a mediocre man"
Adding this just because it is good to give credit: That's a phrase that has entered the general zeitgeist now, but the quote here is paraphrased from the actual "God give me the confidence of a mediocre white dude" tweet by Sara Hagi.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:54 AM on January 9 [20 favorites]
Yes. My partner gets catfishing messages there fairly routinely. Or maybe it's a mix of catfishers and real people hoping for a date, I don't know; either way, people use the site for that. (But in a funny symmetry, a portion of the whackadoodle screenshots people post in places like r/tinder are from people using Tinder to try and help their job search. So it goes both ways, I guess.)
Reminds me of one of my favorite pillow embroideries: "May God grant me the confidence of a mediocre man"
Adding this just because it is good to give credit: That's a phrase that has entered the general zeitgeist now, but the quote here is paraphrased from the actual "God give me the confidence of a mediocre white dude" tweet by Sara Hagi.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:54 AM on January 9 [20 favorites]
some dude...
LinkedIn as quasi dating site is apparently a thing, now.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 6:15 AM on January 9 [4 favorites]
LinkedIn as quasi dating site is apparently a thing, now.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 6:15 AM on January 9 [4 favorites]
It’s weird how everyone jumps to ‘it’s just a bot’ and ‘harmless’. A human is still reading all of these messages. It’s her job to read every message because people are fallible. The only difference between this sort of software and my spell checker is that my spell checker doesn’t have a name. Emphasizing the role of the bot is like pretending people are writing only to my email spam filter. If nazis starting writing to my* Barracuda edge server I would not laugh it off because eugenics aren’t a known issue for DOT.
Just because these idiot guys are aiming at the cold heart of a bot, their action is to sexually harass and bother anyone with a woman’s name, and that is toxic to witness over and over.
*Thankfully it actually belongs to my orgs IT. And it’s not called DOT anymore.
posted by zenon at 6:16 AM on January 9 [15 favorites]
Just because these idiot guys are aiming at the cold heart of a bot, their action is to sexually harass and bother anyone with a woman’s name, and that is toxic to witness over and over.
*Thankfully it actually belongs to my orgs IT. And it’s not called DOT anymore.
posted by zenon at 6:16 AM on January 9 [15 favorites]
Yeah, don't discount how depressing this could be to read. A new type of sexual harassment, yay.
posted by tiny frying pan at 6:40 AM on January 9 [6 favorites]
posted by tiny frying pan at 6:40 AM on January 9 [6 favorites]
With luck "she's in her 50s and looks every day of it" will shut further such dudes down.
HAHAHAHOHOHEEHEEHEE
posted by Melismata at 6:46 AM on January 9 [13 favorites]
HAHAHAHOHOHEEHEEHEE
posted by Melismata at 6:46 AM on January 9 [13 favorites]
I am in favor of 'name and shame' social media feeds of this foolishness.
posted by rmd1023 at 6:46 AM on January 9 [1 favorite]
posted by rmd1023 at 6:46 AM on January 9 [1 favorite]
I was watching a live youtube channel and one of the chat people asked the female youtuber "What kind of man do you like?" That opened the floodgates. "Will you go out with me?" "Will you merry [sic] me?" The main moderator was erasing comments at lightning speed. I wondered, who are these people? What outcome are they expecting when they ask a perfect stranger who is trying to do a live city tour to marry them? Then the main moderator in the chat starts saying he has always wanted to marry a girl of the youtuber's ethnicity. Would she consider a guy like him? Yes, he's in love with her too. Gah!
posted by jabah at 6:46 AM on January 9
posted by jabah at 6:46 AM on January 9
With luck "she's in her 50s and looks every day of it" will shut further such dudes down.
WTF? You know this shit has nothing to do with hotness, right?
It's about power. I bet half these dudes KNEW it was a bot, and did it anyway.
posted by tiny frying pan at 6:49 AM on January 9 [7 favorites]
WTF? You know this shit has nothing to do with hotness, right?
It's about power. I bet half these dudes KNEW it was a bot, and did it anyway.
posted by tiny frying pan at 6:49 AM on January 9 [7 favorites]
It could be desperation, it could be a PUA-style numbers game, it could be the opening salvo in a malicious attempt to make a woman uncomfortable, it could be all three.
posted by The Card Cheat at 6:50 AM on January 9 [11 favorites]
posted by The Card Cheat at 6:50 AM on January 9 [11 favorites]
I feel like there's a real opportunity to take advantage of these men in a somewhat brutal, but arguably deserved way. Something between using it as leverage for a better deal, and funnelling them through to an Onlyfans subscription.
I was going to say something about putatively-porn links with highly accurate descriptions -- wanna see someone plug their hard drive into me? wanna see my network ports? -- but then I realized that the number of men who would actually bash the bishop to that is more than zero
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 6:56 AM on January 9 [5 favorites]
I was going to say something about putatively-porn links with highly accurate descriptions -- wanna see someone plug their hard drive into me? wanna see my network ports? -- but then I realized that the number of men who would actually bash the bishop to that is more than zero
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 6:56 AM on January 9 [5 favorites]
> and funnelling them through to an Onlyfans subscription.
All-natural 120 Millimeters, High-noise 300 RPM!
posted by I-Write-Essays at 7:01 AM on January 9 [4 favorites]
All-natural 120 Millimeters, High-noise 300 RPM!
posted by I-Write-Essays at 7:01 AM on January 9 [4 favorites]
WTF? You know this shit has nothing to do with hotness, right?
It's about power. I bet half these dudes KNEW it was a bot, and did it anyway.
The quoted comment doesn't mention hotness either; looking older can also equal being seen as having more power or at least being less vulnerable, and in my experience absolutely has resulted in less street harassment, online pickups, and the like.
posted by misskaz at 7:05 AM on January 9 [12 favorites]
It's about power. I bet half these dudes KNEW it was a bot, and did it anyway.
The quoted comment doesn't mention hotness either; looking older can also equal being seen as having more power or at least being less vulnerable, and in my experience absolutely has resulted in less street harassment, online pickups, and the like.
posted by misskaz at 7:05 AM on January 9 [12 favorites]
Ok well I have my interpretation of that comment and you have yours
posted by tiny frying pan at 7:21 AM on January 9
posted by tiny frying pan at 7:21 AM on January 9
I was going to say something about putatively-porn links with highly accurate descriptions -- wanna see someone plug their hard drive into me? wanna see my network ports? -- but then I realized that the number of men who would actually bash the bishop to that is more than zero
Absofreakinlutely. You have to realize, though, that this holds true for ANY content. If you read the comments on the original AAM post, there's a sad yet sweet little thread in which a Canadian reference librarian recognizes one of her own: apparently, there's a serial caller in Canada who gets off on asking female librarians to recite the lyrics of the Scooby-Doo theme song.
posted by dlugoczaj at 7:59 AM on January 9 [5 favorites]
Absofreakinlutely. You have to realize, though, that this holds true for ANY content. If you read the comments on the original AAM post, there's a sad yet sweet little thread in which a Canadian reference librarian recognizes one of her own: apparently, there's a serial caller in Canada who gets off on asking female librarians to recite the lyrics of the Scooby-Doo theme song.
posted by dlugoczaj at 7:59 AM on January 9 [5 favorites]
If you read the comments on the original AAM post, there's a sad yet sweet little thread in which a Canadian reference librarian recognizes one of her own: apparently, there's a serial caller in Canada who gets off on asking female librarians to recite the lyrics of the Scooby-Doo theme song.
I work for a totally different library system, in the US, and we also had a problem with a masturbating caller a few years back. He'd basically call around until he heard a female voice, ask them to read out something innocuous (not Scooby-Doo) and... yeah. I have met library workers from other cities who've told me similar things. I don't think it's all the one dude.
posted by Nibbly Fang at 8:07 AM on January 9 [5 favorites]
I work for a totally different library system, in the US, and we also had a problem with a masturbating caller a few years back. He'd basically call around until he heard a female voice, ask them to read out something innocuous (not Scooby-Doo) and... yeah. I have met library workers from other cities who've told me similar things. I don't think it's all the one dude.
posted by Nibbly Fang at 8:07 AM on January 9 [5 favorites]
Years ago we had a habitual male caller at the public library system I work for who would call and ask female staff "reference questions" which would lead the librarian to say certain words (like, say, "penis") which were at the very least sexually-adjacent. He would also keep them on the line as long as he could with an endless series of these questions. Eventually word got out and there was a system-wide email telling people they could just hang up on the dude if they recognized his voice/M.O..
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:42 AM on January 9 [5 favorites]
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:42 AM on January 9 [5 favorites]
I feel like there's a real opportunity to take advantage of these men in a somewhat brutal, but arguably deserved way.
What's required is an online equivalent of the Lucy Porter response she describes at 0:58 here.
posted by Paul Slade at 8:46 AM on January 9
What's required is an online equivalent of the Lucy Porter response she describes at 0:58 here.
posted by Paul Slade at 8:46 AM on January 9
“Re: your non-work-related query, I am a bot. However, even if I was a real human—dude.”
posted by gottabefunky at 8:50 AM on January 9 [6 favorites]
posted by gottabefunky at 8:50 AM on January 9 [6 favorites]
The word 'fuck' appears in the Linux kernel 62 times, but github isn't full of reciprocal propositions.
Well it will be now.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:14 AM on January 9 [4 favorites]
Well it will be now.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:14 AM on January 9 [4 favorites]
Clients who hit on the bot get a 10% Creep Tax added to each expense on the bill.
posted by luckynerd at 9:31 AM on January 9 [14 favorites]
posted by luckynerd at 9:31 AM on January 9 [14 favorites]
Not surprising. Men are generally attracted to any apparent woman ( or man if they prefer ) who gives them attention.
posted by Liquidwolf at 10:26 AM on January 9 [1 favorite]
posted by Liquidwolf at 10:26 AM on January 9 [1 favorite]
LinkedIn as quasi dating site is apparently a thing, now.
LinkedIn is a weird shitshow of a site that no longer knows what it wants to be (or at least its users don't know what they want it to be). It used to be a place to post your resume and maybe do some professional networking. Now there are unhinged, Facebook Uncle style political rants and bizarre hustle culture posts (which at least fit the brand in terms being "about work").
That is has also become a quasi-dating site doesn't surprise me in the least. Randomly messaging people to hit on them in what is a nominally "professional" space is not cool, but it doesn't surprised me at all, unfortunately.
posted by asnider at 10:27 AM on January 9 [4 favorites]
LinkedIn is a weird shitshow of a site that no longer knows what it wants to be (or at least its users don't know what they want it to be). It used to be a place to post your resume and maybe do some professional networking. Now there are unhinged, Facebook Uncle style political rants and bizarre hustle culture posts (which at least fit the brand in terms being "about work").
That is has also become a quasi-dating site doesn't surprise me in the least. Randomly messaging people to hit on them in what is a nominally "professional" space is not cool, but it doesn't surprised me at all, unfortunately.
posted by asnider at 10:27 AM on January 9 [4 favorites]
I blame Basshunter.
I know a bot,posted by straight at 10:38 AM on January 9 [1 favorite]
Her name is Anna, Anna is her name
And she can ban, ban you so hard
She cleans up in our channel
I wanna tell you, that I know a Bot
And then came the day I didn't think was real
The channel was out of control
I never thought I would be so wrong
But Anna wrote and said
"I'm not a Bot,
I'm a really beautiful girl"
Which is, unluckily, now very strange to me
But nothing needs to be explained
Because for me you will always be a Bot
A friend and former coworker of mine was recently hired on contract to CTO a LLM-based chatbot company. I believe the hook is that their bots will emulate fictional characters and have... no limits. The BLUF of the product, as he described it to me, was "AI text porn". The number of DAUs is immense, and as he tells it, a large majority is young women.
So my takeaway here, like with most things, isn't that men have altogether different urges from non-men, it's that the selection of targets of those urges is completely inappropriate.
posted by supercres at 10:39 AM on January 9 [6 favorites]
So my takeaway here, like with most things, isn't that men have altogether different urges from non-men, it's that the selection of targets of those urges is completely inappropriate.
posted by supercres at 10:39 AM on January 9 [6 favorites]
A friend and former coworker of mine was recently hired on contract to CTO a LLM-based chatbot company. I believe the hook is that their bots will emulate fictional characters and have... no limits. The BLUF of the product, as he described it to me, was "AI text porn". The number of DAUs is immense, and as he tells it, a large majority is young women.
Although I get the overall gist of this from context, the only acronym that I actually recognize in this paragraph is "AI."
posted by Dip Flash at 10:54 AM on January 9 [16 favorites]
Although I get the overall gist of this from context, the only acronym that I actually recognize in this paragraph is "AI."
posted by Dip Flash at 10:54 AM on January 9 [16 favorites]
(Do catfishers even catfish on LinkedIn?)
Yes. My partner gets catfishing messages there fairly routinely. Or maybe it's a mix of catfishers and real people hoping for a date, I don't know; either way, people use the site for that.
I just realized that I get these as well. It's always a connection request from a profile with an photo of a conventionally-beautiful younger woman, with a very sparse profile (usually with a vague beauty industry or generic "consultant" title, and a claimed location that is about 50/50 in the US vs in the global south. Some of them might even be real people for all I know, but it always looks more like a setup for a cryptocurrency sales pitch.
posted by Dip Flash at 10:59 AM on January 9 [2 favorites]
Yes. My partner gets catfishing messages there fairly routinely. Or maybe it's a mix of catfishers and real people hoping for a date, I don't know; either way, people use the site for that.
I just realized that I get these as well. It's always a connection request from a profile with an photo of a conventionally-beautiful younger woman, with a very sparse profile (usually with a vague beauty industry or generic "consultant" title, and a claimed location that is about 50/50 in the US vs in the global south. Some of them might even be real people for all I know, but it always looks more like a setup for a cryptocurrency sales pitch.
posted by Dip Flash at 10:59 AM on January 9 [2 favorites]
Ha my apologies I didn't realize how badly I acronymized until you said that
A friend and former coworker of mine was recently hired on contract to [lead tech for] a [large language model, e.g. chatgpt]-based chatbot company. I believe the hook is that their bots will emulate fictional characters and have... no limits. The [tl;dr] of the product, as he described it to me, was "AI text porn". The number of [daily active users] is immense, and as he tells it, a large majority is young women.
posted by supercres at 11:01 AM on January 9 [3 favorites]
A friend and former coworker of mine was recently hired on contract to [lead tech for] a [large language model, e.g. chatgpt]-based chatbot company. I believe the hook is that their bots will emulate fictional characters and have... no limits. The [tl;dr] of the product, as he described it to me, was "AI text porn". The number of [daily active users] is immense, and as he tells it, a large majority is young women.
posted by supercres at 11:01 AM on January 9 [3 favorites]
LinkedIn is a weird shitshow of a site
We sent one of the former office admins at our job into the recruiting mines trying to find work for her to do (when employees stopped coming to the office and we converted to WFH, her intended job was basically kaput), and one of the things she tried out for a while was candidate sourcing. Basically she would go trawl through the wilds of LinkedIn and set up screening calls for folks who listed certain experience or were participating in conversations relevant to our business.
It was a dark and terrible place to be. She showed me sooo many examples of men posting horrible comments, literally no different than comments I've seen on porn sites, on women's posts. My (young) employee was aghast, "don't they realize this is public???? this is their real name!!! they're connected to their work!!" And all I could do was apologize and ask her if she wanted to pivot onto our support team or something so she didn't have to see it anymore.
So I am zero% surprised that this is happening, and I'm sure the bot responses being (presumably) deferential and blandly polite as well as from a "woman" have a lot to do with it, too.
I've been on the receiving end of plenty of gross behavior from men, but my policy of being generally not nice has protected me from a lot.
posted by phunniemee at 11:03 AM on January 9 [14 favorites]
We sent one of the former office admins at our job into the recruiting mines trying to find work for her to do (when employees stopped coming to the office and we converted to WFH, her intended job was basically kaput), and one of the things she tried out for a while was candidate sourcing. Basically she would go trawl through the wilds of LinkedIn and set up screening calls for folks who listed certain experience or were participating in conversations relevant to our business.
It was a dark and terrible place to be. She showed me sooo many examples of men posting horrible comments, literally no different than comments I've seen on porn sites, on women's posts. My (young) employee was aghast, "don't they realize this is public???? this is their real name!!! they're connected to their work!!" And all I could do was apologize and ask her if she wanted to pivot onto our support team or something so she didn't have to see it anymore.
So I am zero% surprised that this is happening, and I'm sure the bot responses being (presumably) deferential and blandly polite as well as from a "woman" have a lot to do with it, too.
I've been on the receiving end of plenty of gross behavior from men, but my policy of being generally not nice has protected me from a lot.
posted by phunniemee at 11:03 AM on January 9 [14 favorites]
Re: catfishing on LinkedIn, I got a message the other day from a (supposedly) seriously hot guy who was a surgeon working with doctors without borders, stationed in an Asian country but planning to move to my area, asking me if my company had job openings. None of that made any sense, I work in tech not healthcare, but reader, my heart did leap for about 1/4 of a second.
A friend of mine, otoh, gets regular messages on facebook from retired army vets, all white guys with stubble and rugged good looks. Facebook has decided that is her type, that's all she ever gets. Facebook, if you're listening, my type is definitely handsome short-bearded brown guys with a social conscience and a cool job.
posted by MiraK at 1:50 PM on January 9 [3 favorites]
A friend of mine, otoh, gets regular messages on facebook from retired army vets, all white guys with stubble and rugged good looks. Facebook has decided that is her type, that's all she ever gets. Facebook, if you're listening, my type is definitely handsome short-bearded brown guys with a social conscience and a cool job.
posted by MiraK at 1:50 PM on January 9 [3 favorites]
MiraK, the message that reached you is aaaaaall catfishing harbingers:
* high-status and/or high-paid occupation
* Not In This Country (so you can't ask to meet up, also so he can beg you for travel money)
* asking for something that makes no sense in context
Block block block.
posted by humbug at 2:09 PM on January 9 [3 favorites]
* high-status and/or high-paid occupation
* Not In This Country (so you can't ask to meet up, also so he can beg you for travel money)
* asking for something that makes no sense in context
Block block block.
posted by humbug at 2:09 PM on January 9 [3 favorites]
gets regular messages on facebook from retired army vets, all white guys with stubble and rugged good looks
Hey while we're all here, the bot spam I get on Instagram at least 2x a week is all men who are either 1) doctors 2) in the military or 3) both. They are conventionally attractive, appear to be 35-45 years old, and have something Christian in their bio. Every single bot pattern likes the same 5-15 photos of me and my dog, then sends a message that says "hi." I'm not surprised about the bot spam, I'm not surprised that scammers think someone in my demo would like a 40 year old nice looking doctor, but it's the fact that they're all spam liking the SAME PICTURES that's wild to me. Why those pics??? I don't even think there the most popular ones on my gram? So odd. Anyway, block and report block and report.
posted by phunniemee at 2:17 PM on January 9 [4 favorites]
Hey while we're all here, the bot spam I get on Instagram at least 2x a week is all men who are either 1) doctors 2) in the military or 3) both. They are conventionally attractive, appear to be 35-45 years old, and have something Christian in their bio. Every single bot pattern likes the same 5-15 photos of me and my dog, then sends a message that says "hi." I'm not surprised about the bot spam, I'm not surprised that scammers think someone in my demo would like a 40 year old nice looking doctor, but it's the fact that they're all spam liking the SAME PICTURES that's wild to me. Why those pics??? I don't even think there the most popular ones on my gram? So odd. Anyway, block and report block and report.
posted by phunniemee at 2:17 PM on January 9 [4 favorites]
It's also interesting to me that Alison (who answers the question) assumes that the person asking the question was male, because I read that entire question as if it was written by a woman. (Specifically the parenthetetical line "which is somehow both creepier and also better work/life boundaries? I don’t know!" is how my friends and I would talk so it's coded "woman" to me.)
I guess the bottom line is that if people don't even know whether they're talking to a robot or a human it's not surprising that we can't guess gender either.
posted by easternblot at 2:19 PM on January 9 [4 favorites]
I guess the bottom line is that if people don't even know whether they're talking to a robot or a human it's not surprising that we can't guess gender either.
posted by easternblot at 2:19 PM on January 9 [4 favorites]
Alison said somewhere that the OP's email indicated that they were male.
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:27 PM on January 9 [3 favorites]
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:27 PM on January 9 [3 favorites]
The Andromeda Strain, by Michael Crichton (1969)
"TIME TO WAKE UP, SIR."
Mark Hall opened his eyes. The room was lit with a steady, pale fluorescent light. He blinked and rolled over on his stomach.
"Time to wake up, Sir."
It was a beautiful female voice, soft and seductive. He sat up in bed and looked around the room: he was alone.
"Hello?"
"Time to wake up, Sir."
"Who are you?"
"Time to wake up, Sir."
He reached over and pushed a button on the nightstand by his bed. A light went off.
He waited for the voice again, but it did not speak.
It was, he thought, a hell of an effective way to wake a man up. As he slipped into his clothes, he wondered how it worked. It was not a simple tape, because it worked as a response of some sort. The message was repeated only when Hall spoke.
To test his theory, he pushed the nightstand button again. The voice said softly, "Do you wish something, Sir?"
"I'd like to know your name, please."
"Will that be all, Sir?"
"Yes, I believe so."
"Will that be all, Sir?"
He waited. The light clicked off. He slipped into his shoes and was about to leave when a male voice said, "This is the answering-service supervisor, Dr. Hall. I wish you would treat the project more seriously."
Hall laughed. So the voice responded to comments, and taped his replies. It was a clever system.
"Sorry," he said, "I wasn't sure how the thing worked. The voice is quite luscious."
"The voice," said the supervisor heavily, "belongs to Miss Gladys Stevens, who is sixty-three years old. She lives in Omaha and makes her living taping messages for SAC crews and other voice-reminder systems."
"Oh," Hall said.
posted by AlSweigart at 4:08 PM on January 9 [10 favorites]
"TIME TO WAKE UP, SIR."
Mark Hall opened his eyes. The room was lit with a steady, pale fluorescent light. He blinked and rolled over on his stomach.
"Time to wake up, Sir."
It was a beautiful female voice, soft and seductive. He sat up in bed and looked around the room: he was alone.
"Hello?"
"Time to wake up, Sir."
"Who are you?"
"Time to wake up, Sir."
He reached over and pushed a button on the nightstand by his bed. A light went off.
He waited for the voice again, but it did not speak.
It was, he thought, a hell of an effective way to wake a man up. As he slipped into his clothes, he wondered how it worked. It was not a simple tape, because it worked as a response of some sort. The message was repeated only when Hall spoke.
To test his theory, he pushed the nightstand button again. The voice said softly, "Do you wish something, Sir?"
"I'd like to know your name, please."
"Will that be all, Sir?"
"Yes, I believe so."
"Will that be all, Sir?"
He waited. The light clicked off. He slipped into his shoes and was about to leave when a male voice said, "This is the answering-service supervisor, Dr. Hall. I wish you would treat the project more seriously."
Hall laughed. So the voice responded to comments, and taped his replies. It was a clever system.
"Sorry," he said, "I wasn't sure how the thing worked. The voice is quite luscious."
"The voice," said the supervisor heavily, "belongs to Miss Gladys Stevens, who is sixty-three years old. She lives in Omaha and makes her living taping messages for SAC crews and other voice-reminder systems."
"Oh," Hall said.
posted by AlSweigart at 4:08 PM on January 9 [10 favorites]
On the other hand, I sometimes envy people with this level of misplaced confidence.
Confidence or desperation?
I've been pretty desperate in my life, but I've never felt like this was even an option.
posted by eruonna at 4:15 PM on January 9
Confidence or desperation?
I've been pretty desperate in my life, but I've never felt like this was even an option.
posted by eruonna at 4:15 PM on January 9
A friend of mine, otoh, gets regular messages on facebook from retired army vets, all white guys with stubble and rugged good looks.
My mom has been sending one of these guys cash for a few years now. We hope it’s not still going on, but she refuses to talk about it, or about the money trouble she is likely having. The guy popped up in a FB prayer group, so that was all she needed.
posted by PussKillian at 5:25 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]
My mom has been sending one of these guys cash for a few years now. We hope it’s not still going on, but she refuses to talk about it, or about the money trouble she is likely having. The guy popped up in a FB prayer group, so that was all she needed.
posted by PussKillian at 5:25 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]
apparently, there's a serial caller in Canada who gets off on asking female librarians to recite the lyrics of the Scooby-Doo theme song.
I read this as serial killer at first and was wondering how the hell I'd missed this
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 6:04 PM on January 9 [8 favorites]
I read this as serial killer at first and was wondering how the hell I'd missed this
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 6:04 PM on January 9 [8 favorites]
Obviously it's because the word 'date' is appearing in the scheduling email and these men are just misunderstanding the meaning, and think they're being asked out for a romantic assignation!
I'm reminded of the meme of the Venn diagram with Incel & Excel. The intersection in the middle is "misinterpreting things as a date."
posted by jonp72 at 6:10 PM on January 9 [18 favorites]
I'm reminded of the meme of the Venn diagram with Incel & Excel. The intersection in the middle is "misinterpreting things as a date."
posted by jonp72 at 6:10 PM on January 9 [18 favorites]
Of some relevance to the conversation above, the NYT has a piece today that looks at parallels between on-line dating and job seeking. Some of their examples work better than others, but overall it highlights how both dating and job searches tend to kind of suck most of the time.
posted by Dip Flash at 7:10 AM on January 10 [2 favorites]
posted by Dip Flash at 7:10 AM on January 10 [2 favorites]
OMG. I have said for years that dating and job seeking are just opposite sides of the same coin. When job seeking I'd always say "I'd rather go on a blind date.". When dating I'd say "I'd rather go on a job interview."
That is all I have on topic for this because after reading the question on AAM my brain said "Of course these guys are hitting on a bot. I'm only surprised there haven't been subsequent messages calling the bot a slur for not responding." and then fritzed out because I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
posted by CoffeeHikeNapWine at 7:30 AM on January 10 [7 favorites]
That is all I have on topic for this because after reading the question on AAM my brain said "Of course these guys are hitting on a bot. I'm only surprised there haven't been subsequent messages calling the bot a slur for not responding." and then fritzed out because I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
posted by CoffeeHikeNapWine at 7:30 AM on January 10 [7 favorites]
Job interviews, and virtually all professional networking activities, feel to me (YMMV) like a grotesque parody of normal human interaction.
posted by The Card Cheat at 11:47 AM on January 10
posted by The Card Cheat at 11:47 AM on January 10
People have mentioned Linkedin catfishing, others have mentioned Instagram - I sometimes get DMs like this on Meetup.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:50 PM on January 10 [1 favorite]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:50 PM on January 10 [1 favorite]
Oh, I got approached on Meetup once by a couple of swingers who wanted to know if it would be cool to come by and see if anyone was interested in being a third in a threesome.
I had to politely explain that the name "Asexuals in Austin" referred to asexuality the human sexual orientation, and that the odds therefore were decidedly not in their favor.
They never wrote back.
posted by sciatrix at 3:18 PM on January 10 [5 favorites]
I had to politely explain that the name "Asexuals in Austin" referred to asexuality the human sexual orientation, and that the odds therefore were decidedly not in their favor.
They never wrote back.
posted by sciatrix at 3:18 PM on January 10 [5 favorites]
"What kind of man do you like?" That opened the floodgates. "Will you go out with me?" "Will you merry [sic] me?" The main moderator was erasing comments at lightning speed. I wondered, who are these people? What outcome are they expecting when they ask a perfect stranger who is trying to do a live city tour to marry them?
It's got nothing to do with wanting to marry them. It's the online equivalent of catcalling from a car window. It's to remind a woman what her place is - to be an item that serves men like them in some way (date, marry, or more sexual) and not whatever it is she's actually doing.
posted by Jilder at 7:40 PM on January 10 [5 favorites]
It's got nothing to do with wanting to marry them. It's the online equivalent of catcalling from a car window. It's to remind a woman what her place is - to be an item that serves men like them in some way (date, marry, or more sexual) and not whatever it is she's actually doing.
posted by Jilder at 7:40 PM on January 10 [5 favorites]
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This was my first thought, I wish them lovebots well.
[Back in the real world: yuck]
posted by chavenet at 12:58 AM on January 9 [18 favorites]