Everyone deserves a good death

February 16, 2024 4:38 AM

I am an artist, and I am a death doula. Part of working with and supporting those who are grieving or dying means that you know how precious and short this life is. You don’t take it for granted and you try not to let small things stop you from taking your dreams seriously every day. That is the phenomenal up side of doing deathwork: it makes me a courageous artist, for whom it’s easier not to compare myself to anyone else, or say that I am not artist enough, and encourages me to exist in the only timeline that matters — mine. from The Importance of Art in a “Good Death” by Brianna L. Hernández in Hyperallergic [CW: death and dying]

Related, by the same author: The Living Legacy of Funerary Arts

posted by chavenet (8 comments total)

Death cafes have been become common in my city; I think it's a laudable goal to ask people to discuss and unpack their feelings about an experience we will all share. I am a big fan of the Order of the Good Death. It is very strange how we have sanitized the universal experience of death from our everyday lives. If you're someone like me, who lives in a very old house, your home probably saw a lot of wakes and services of the dead. We were contacted by the descendants of the original family in our house and they confirmed that yes, many deceased relatives had been laid out in our living or dining room back in the day. Those rituals happened at home, or partially so.
posted by Kitteh at 5:14 AM on February 16 [4 favorites]

There was a "contestant" on a show featuring "Pistris Investors" who had a company dealing with Cremains (the leftover material from a cremation). His company provided a new and novel way of dealing with the cremains and I thought it was a great acknowledgement of this taboo place we've created in modern life/death.

Just breaching the subject of end of life makes many Americans gasp - we as a cultural hodge-podge seem remarkably unprepared for our eventual ends. Just speaking aloud about the subject makes people uncomfortable yet it is as universal as birth.

Getting people in touch with the fullness of what "LIFE" is has to include frank and often enlightening discussion(s) about dying. It became much easier for me now that both of my parents have passed (before I was 45).

(ALSO pleaase no I'm sorry for your loss etc, it's been a few years, AND it's perfectly natural)
posted by djseafood at 7:04 AM on February 16 [3 favorites]

My mother passed away in January and I'm just about to turn 70, so mortality is on my mind at the minute. A positive attitude to life and death is definitely something i need to cultivate!
posted by 43rdAnd9th at 9:05 AM on February 16 [5 favorites]

As reported in the Washington Post a few days ago "At least 29 couples — or 58 people — died together via duo euthanasia in 2022". I can see the appeal for couples, the individuals both in pain and only palliative options in their future. To have a choice rather than suffer more could be a kindness.
posted by now i'm piste at 10:42 AM on February 16 [5 favorites]

Like 43rdAnd9th, I recently lost a parent. Death has been on my mind.

Several years ago a friend's father died, and apparently he was surrounded by his favorite books. That appeals to me so much.
posted by doctornemo at 3:06 PM on February 16 [2 favorites]

Thank you chavenet! This is extremely in line with my interests and I haven't run across this!
posted by esoteric things at 12:29 AM on February 17 [1 favorite]

as per doctornemo, ideally i’d like to go out while being read to from a favorite book
posted by mollymillions at 10:26 AM on February 17 [1 favorite]

I've thought of doing that for someone, mollymillions.
posted by doctornemo at 12:40 PM on February 17