there's no goddamn way this can get any dumber
February 25, 2024 4:30 AM Subscribe
All that seems to be missing is Donald Trump's involvement somewhere in this.
posted by Paul Slade at 6:33 AM on February 25 [9 favorites]
posted by Paul Slade at 6:33 AM on February 25 [9 favorites]
I mean $8b / 60k people is $133k per person. Making a 3 bedroom home for four appx $533k which is a lot but not outlandish compared to many many places on earth. Not that I expect them to sell at cost.
Not defending this stupid monstrosity but if it turned out affordable (it won't) and employed tons of skilled well paid labor to build it (it won't) and utilized water current, tidal, temperature inversion, solar, and wind power to be sustainable (ok it might) it is not the worst answer to housing the overwhelming population that are coastal adjacent and a generation away from being under water.
I also didn't read very far or watch the video. It's dumb.
posted by chasles at 6:41 AM on February 25 [2 favorites]
Not defending this stupid monstrosity but if it turned out affordable (it won't) and employed tons of skilled well paid labor to build it (it won't) and utilized water current, tidal, temperature inversion, solar, and wind power to be sustainable (ok it might) it is not the worst answer to housing the overwhelming population that are coastal adjacent and a generation away from being under water.
I also didn't read very far or watch the video. It's dumb.
posted by chasles at 6:41 AM on February 25 [2 favorites]
Absolutely hilarious, really top-tier snark! It's ruined the rest of my day actually. The bar has been set too high. The tea is just too delightfully tasty
posted by Baethan at 6:45 AM on February 25 [4 favorites]
posted by Baethan at 6:45 AM on February 25 [4 favorites]
All that seems to be missing is Donald Trump's involvement somewhere in this.
Quick! Somebody change the render pictures so that everyone is wearing gold sneakers!
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 6:45 AM on February 25 [5 favorites]
Quick! Somebody change the render pictures so that everyone is wearing gold sneakers!
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 6:45 AM on February 25 [5 favorites]
I also didn't read very far or watch the video. It's dumb.
I recommend watching the video. In it, Adam Something achieves a level of sustained righteous snark that rises well above what I'd have expected from a barrel with such a large and singular fish inside.
Made me laugh, anyway.
posted by flabdablet at 6:46 AM on February 25 [16 favorites]
I recommend watching the video. In it, Adam Something achieves a level of sustained righteous snark that rises well above what I'd have expected from a barrel with such a large and singular fish inside.
Made me laugh, anyway.
posted by flabdablet at 6:46 AM on February 25 [16 favorites]
The designer
I saw this part first, the flying car on this guy's front page is amazing, a perfect encapsulation of that particular school of graphic art that calls itself design but admits no affordances that might connect it to humans or reality at all. He has designed a flying car with no doors that, should a human ever find a way to enter it, can only go up.
Then I looked at the kilometer-wide turtle yacht with the florida golf-cart retirement community and suburban office park on its back, shrugged and closed the tab.
posted by mhoye at 7:02 AM on February 25 [5 favorites]
I saw this part first, the flying car on this guy's front page is amazing, a perfect encapsulation of that particular school of graphic art that calls itself design but admits no affordances that might connect it to humans or reality at all. He has designed a flying car with no doors that, should a human ever find a way to enter it, can only go up.
Then I looked at the kilometer-wide turtle yacht with the florida golf-cart retirement community and suburban office park on its back, shrugged and closed the tab.
posted by mhoye at 7:02 AM on February 25 [5 favorites]
I mean $8b / 60k people is $133k per person.
Among the things the video addresses is the fact that the ship could in no way support 60,000 people, and that visuals they present only seem to have room for less than 1,000.
On a cruiseship, you're packed in. On this thing, there's like 100 SFRs and then fewer than 10 5-floor apartment buildings. That's not alot of units.
I remember this whole scam from when it came out awhile back. It was quite clearly a way to get idiots to buy NFTs and was never intended to progress past a bunch of 3d models.
posted by Room 101 at 7:05 AM on February 25 [10 favorites]
Among the things the video addresses is the fact that the ship could in no way support 60,000 people, and that visuals they present only seem to have room for less than 1,000.
On a cruiseship, you're packed in. On this thing, there's like 100 SFRs and then fewer than 10 5-floor apartment buildings. That's not alot of units.
I remember this whole scam from when it came out awhile back. It was quite clearly a way to get idiots to buy NFTs and was never intended to progress past a bunch of 3d models.
posted by Room 101 at 7:05 AM on February 25 [10 favorites]
well if you look at the bottom of the thing there's a few hundred viewing ports, which undoubtedly are the peon quarters, while the indentured servant barracks have no outside viewing at all. i'd find it much more believable, though, if the saudis were behind it.
posted by seanmpuckett at 7:14 AM on February 25 [1 favorite]
posted by seanmpuckett at 7:14 AM on February 25 [1 favorite]
When I was a kid, I drew up a design for a shopping mall built on top of an active volcano. The volcano would provide free geothermal energy for the mall and surrounding community, but the best part was the awesome two-story-tall lava fountain in the central atrium. I maintain that, even in today's depressed retail environment, this is still a better idea.
and then the volcano erupts and DESTROYS CAPITALISM
posted by phooky at 7:15 AM on February 25 [57 favorites]
and then the volcano erupts and DESTROYS CAPITALISM
posted by phooky at 7:15 AM on February 25 [57 favorites]
Turtles, all the way down.
(I'll let myself out)
posted by mule98J at 7:50 AM on February 25 [12 favorites]
(I'll let myself out)
posted by mule98J at 7:50 AM on February 25 [12 favorites]
I drew up a design for a shopping mall built on top of an active volcano.
Active volcanoes are clearly an underutilized resource.
posted by flabdablet at 7:54 AM on February 25 [3 favorites]
Active volcanoes are clearly an underutilized resource.
posted by flabdablet at 7:54 AM on February 25 [3 favorites]
that particular school of graphic art that calls itself design but admits no affordances that might connect it to humans or reality
I'm also quite impressed by the way the top menu banner on all the guy's web pages fails to fit properly in any viewport narrower than about 1800 pixels. Pretty sad effort for a "design" studio.
posted by flabdablet at 8:11 AM on February 25 [3 favorites]
I'm also quite impressed by the way the top menu banner on all the guy's web pages fails to fit properly in any viewport narrower than about 1800 pixels. Pretty sad effort for a "design" studio.
posted by flabdablet at 8:11 AM on February 25 [3 favorites]
Has anything that has come out of this design studio ever been built?
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 8:29 AM on February 25 [1 favorite]
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 8:29 AM on February 25 [1 favorite]
I'm pretty sure that the late Terry Pratchett did not intend for Great A'Tuin to be a viable design for a vessel of any size.
posted by SPrintF at 8:39 AM on February 25 [6 favorites]
posted by SPrintF at 8:39 AM on February 25 [6 favorites]
I've now watched the video and concluded that (a) this project is even dumber than I thought it was and (b) the project is even dumber than he thinks it is. He's being far too kind.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 8:44 AM on February 25 [4 favorites]
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 8:44 AM on February 25 [4 favorites]
The video is kind of dumb. But I did manage to watch it yesterday. I can't imagine presenting the idea in any way that's serious. It's not even worth serious critique.
Looking at the designer's page, I can't see how the whole thing is anything but a deep joke. I mean, it almost looks legit. His portfolio might might impress a Russian oligarch or Trump, but his designs feel like a wink to the audience. No real design firm would hire this guy to make a coffee cup, let alone envision a floating city, judging by the quality of his website alone. Let alone the content.
posted by 2N2222 at 8:53 AM on February 25 [4 favorites]
Looking at the designer's page, I can't see how the whole thing is anything but a deep joke. I mean, it almost looks legit. His portfolio might might impress a Russian oligarch or Trump, but his designs feel like a wink to the audience. No real design firm would hire this guy to make a coffee cup, let alone envision a floating city, judging by the quality of his website alone. Let alone the content.
posted by 2N2222 at 8:53 AM on February 25 [4 favorites]
Any nautical designers here? Why would you design a ship with what is a huge wall in front in the water orthogonal to the direction of travel? That was my first question when I saw a picture of this. Second question… I realize that one of the many complaints about current economic practices, MLMs, etc. imply that you have to find someone dumber than you in order to pass along the financial activity, but here? Where can you find anyone dumber?
posted by njohnson23 at 8:55 AM on February 25 [3 favorites]
posted by njohnson23 at 8:55 AM on February 25 [3 favorites]
But they're still building that very long rectangle in the middle of nowhere, right?
posted by JoeZydeco at 8:56 AM on February 25 [5 favorites]
posted by JoeZydeco at 8:56 AM on February 25 [5 favorites]
ALL YOUR BOAT BASE ARE BELONG TO US.
posted by srboisvert at 8:58 AM on February 25 [2 favorites]
posted by srboisvert at 8:58 AM on February 25 [2 favorites]
This looks like "someone's nephew" run amok in the high billionaire class, a restless heir needing to prove himself among the competition. In America it would be a major theme park on a ranch in Montana, never mind the forty below for months, and they milk these plans for years. The idea is blatantly survivalistic, as the critic points out, and includes the Martian colony plan and probably Neom too, where a train of humanity serves the survivors in the easiest possible way to control their movement and subsistence. I was curious about the symbolism and found this.
posted by Brian B. at 9:09 AM on February 25 [3 favorites]
posted by Brian B. at 9:09 AM on February 25 [3 favorites]
I renounce every embrace-the-future comment I’ve made in AI threads this year.
Humanity is doomed and the only silver lining is we’ll go out knowing we deserve it.
Any nautical designers here? Why would you design a ship with what is a huge wall in front in the water orthogonal to the direction of travel?
I only started sailing last summer and even I know that the maximum speed of your boat is dictated by sail area (thrust) vs surface below waterline (drag). That’s why boats designed to go extremely fast use foils to partially lift themselves out of the water at speed. This is the opposite of that. If it isn’t the least hydrodynamically efficient shape possible, it is very nearly so (“yes but sea turt-” they fold their limbs flush to the shell after pushing with them).
Also the leading edge is funneling pressure directly into the weakest structural point (where the limbs meet the torso) so it’s a near-perfect design for just disintegrating when the engines rev up for the first time, too.
posted by Ryvar at 9:14 AM on February 25 [7 favorites]
Humanity is doomed and the only silver lining is we’ll go out knowing we deserve it.
Any nautical designers here? Why would you design a ship with what is a huge wall in front in the water orthogonal to the direction of travel?
I only started sailing last summer and even I know that the maximum speed of your boat is dictated by sail area (thrust) vs surface below waterline (drag). That’s why boats designed to go extremely fast use foils to partially lift themselves out of the water at speed. This is the opposite of that. If it isn’t the least hydrodynamically efficient shape possible, it is very nearly so (“yes but sea turt-” they fold their limbs flush to the shell after pushing with them).
Also the leading edge is funneling pressure directly into the weakest structural point (where the limbs meet the torso) so it’s a near-perfect design for just disintegrating when the engines rev up for the first time, too.
posted by Ryvar at 9:14 AM on February 25 [7 favorites]
This was a pretty obvious NFT scam, but that's besides the point. The point is that it reminds me a great deal of Sarah Gailey's Know Your Station which is essentially what this yacht would be like, but in space, with a completely drugged out security liaison and murder.
It's worth your time more than anything beyond this video about this sort of thing.
posted by Hactar at 9:15 AM on February 25 [3 favorites]
It's worth your time more than anything beyond this video about this sort of thing.
posted by Hactar at 9:15 AM on February 25 [3 favorites]
Oh lord, the renderings of the construction cranes! HA! And the Fiat 500?
posted by NoMich at 9:18 AM on February 25 [6 favorites]
posted by NoMich at 9:18 AM on February 25 [6 favorites]
On the one hand: "Economics, what's that, a new cryptocurrency? Never heard of it!" made me genuinely laugh out loud.
On the other hand I have to push back on his snark about building ships out concrete; making boats out of concrete is, in fact, a real thing. (There are even some advantages.) Heck, you can even build your own pretty cheaply! Just....don't make it shaped like a turtle, okay?
posted by mstokes650 at 10:00 AM on February 25 [5 favorites]
On the other hand I have to push back on his snark about building ships out concrete; making boats out of concrete is, in fact, a real thing. (There are even some advantages.) Heck, you can even build your own pretty cheaply! Just....don't make it shaped like a turtle, okay?
posted by mstokes650 at 10:00 AM on February 25 [5 favorites]
I think its the scale that makes the concrete ridiculous. so much concrete, on such an absolutely YUGE vehicle. it would be very rigid, which would make it more vulnerable to the um, waviness, of the ocean. hmmm...
posted by supermedusa at 10:22 AM on February 25 [3 favorites]
posted by supermedusa at 10:22 AM on February 25 [3 favorites]
As the mobile version of phooky's volcano mall, when I was a kid I used to design these massive roadgoing juggernauts. They'd be a car's width wide, so they could go on the roads, but they'd be like 12 stories tall and several hundred feet long. They were sort of train like in that there would be a row of huge tank track units with an enormous mast rising from each one. And then I'd draw modules for living space and storage and machinery and atomic power plants and lasers for shooting down flying saucers and all kinds of shit stacked up on the masts, with catwalks connecting them and a heliport on the top and lots of flags everywhere.
Looking back on it as an adult, I'd decided that was a pretty dumb idea, the sort of thing you come up with in class when you're eight years old. But perhaps I just lacked vision. Does someone want to pitch in and do some renders and help me figure out how to sell NFTs about it?
posted by Naberius at 10:24 AM on February 25 [7 favorites]
Looking back on it as an adult, I'd decided that was a pretty dumb idea, the sort of thing you come up with in class when you're eight years old. But perhaps I just lacked vision. Does someone want to pitch in and do some renders and help me figure out how to sell NFTs about it?
posted by Naberius at 10:24 AM on February 25 [7 favorites]
That looks like one big turd-tle.
posted by Termite at 10:27 AM on February 25 [2 favorites]
posted by Termite at 10:27 AM on February 25 [2 favorites]
I drew up a design for a shopping mall built on top of an active volcano.
Be warned, installations in volcanoes seem to be prone to security issues.
there's no goddamn way this can get any dumber
The trouble with saying that is that someone always responds "Hold my beer..."
posted by gtrwolf at 10:34 AM on February 25 [3 favorites]
Be warned, installations in volcanoes seem to be prone to security issues.
there's no goddamn way this can get any dumber
The trouble with saying that is that someone always responds "Hold my beer..."
posted by gtrwolf at 10:34 AM on February 25 [3 favorites]
I think we should call it what it is: the B-Ark.
And if they planned to make it fully automated, rather than taking advantage of people to staff it, I'd say let them waste their money. Who needs sanitized phones, anyway?
posted by cheshyre at 10:42 AM on February 25 [5 favorites]
And if they planned to make it fully automated, rather than taking advantage of people to staff it, I'd say let them waste their money. Who needs sanitized phones, anyway?
posted by cheshyre at 10:42 AM on February 25 [5 favorites]
I turned off the video and gave up, when it turned into a browser commercial.
posted by Goofyy at 11:00 AM on February 25
posted by Goofyy at 11:00 AM on February 25
yeah there's an ad for opera fully integrated into the script of the video, from about 3m49s to 4m56s and another very brief one at 12m22s
my fav as-yet-unremarked-detail: at 10m11s you can see private jets parked on the upper ring thing, which i assume were brought in by helicopter cranes strictly for decor, since there's no landing strip on this thing
posted by glonous keming at 11:55 AM on February 25 [1 favorite]
my fav as-yet-unremarked-detail: at 10m11s you can see private jets parked on the upper ring thing, which i assume were brought in by helicopter cranes strictly for decor, since there's no landing strip on this thing
posted by glonous keming at 11:55 AM on February 25 [1 favorite]
installations in volcanoes seem to be prone to security issues
Thank you for that link. That is probably the worst action sequence I have ever seen. "We're going to have a big finale with ninjas flipping out, constant gunfire, grenades, rockets, and tons of stunts and explosions!" "Sounds exciting!" "No, that's the best part! We're going to somehow find a way to make it boring!"
posted by phooky at 2:00 PM on February 25 [1 favorite]
Thank you for that link. That is probably the worst action sequence I have ever seen. "We're going to have a big finale with ninjas flipping out, constant gunfire, grenades, rockets, and tons of stunts and explosions!" "Sounds exciting!" "No, that's the best part! We're going to somehow find a way to make it boring!"
posted by phooky at 2:00 PM on February 25 [1 favorite]
The "Sponsorblock" extension is your friend if you want to avoid in-video narrated commercials.
(I always forget my YT experience is not everyone's, not sure how the rest of y'all manage to do it.)
posted by maxwelton at 2:06 PM on February 25 [4 favorites]
(I always forget my YT experience is not everyone's, not sure how the rest of y'all manage to do it.)
posted by maxwelton at 2:06 PM on February 25 [4 favorites]
Came for the snark, and got a nifty reading suggestion out of the deal, from Hactar. Score!
The author's name rings a bell, but not a loud enough one apparently.
posted by BCMagee at 3:28 PM on February 25
The author's name rings a bell, but not a loud enough one apparently.
posted by BCMagee at 3:28 PM on February 25
The "Sponsorblock" extension is your friend if you want to avoid in-video narrated commercials
Watching YT videos via Piped will also do this without you needing to install anything extra, which is why I always now provide both Piped and YouTube links when posting video items.
posted by flabdablet at 6:50 PM on February 25 [4 favorites]
Watching YT videos via Piped will also do this without you needing to install anything extra, which is why I always now provide both Piped and YouTube links when posting video items.
posted by flabdablet at 6:50 PM on February 25 [4 favorites]
Just when I thought my misanthropy couldn't get any worse.
posted by Pouteria at 7:19 PM on February 25 [2 favorites]
posted by Pouteria at 7:19 PM on February 25 [2 favorites]
All that seems to be missing is Donald Trump's involvement somewhere in this.
Basing the design around the needs to golf cart users is a promising start in that direction. But I suspect he would rather wait for whoever comes up with a floating 18 hole course.
posted by rongorongo at 10:44 PM on February 25 [1 favorite]
Basing the design around the needs to golf cart users is a promising start in that direction. But I suspect he would rather wait for whoever comes up with a floating 18 hole course.
posted by rongorongo at 10:44 PM on February 25 [1 favorite]
MetaFilter: the goon deck.
(I slapped that Subscribe button, I tell you.)
posted by wenestvedt at 5:48 AM on February 26
(I slapped that Subscribe button, I tell you.)
posted by wenestvedt at 5:48 AM on February 26
I want a game that lets me build this and then lets me send it into a hurricane.
posted by emjaybee at 7:00 AM on February 26 [4 favorites]
posted by emjaybee at 7:00 AM on February 26 [4 favorites]
I'm offended that this monstrosity is shaped like a turtle. Sea turtles are amazing; we're working hard to protect them. This is an affront to sea turtles everywhere.
posted by ceejaytee at 10:48 AM on February 26 [4 favorites]
posted by ceejaytee at 10:48 AM on February 26 [4 favorites]
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way to go, name your future floating civilization after something that famously broke up and drifted apart
posted by chavenet at 5:07 AM on February 25 [52 favorites]