Colonoscopy strategies
February 29, 2024 9:58 AM Subscribe

"Before I get into the whys of it, let me say that having my first four colonoscopies all happen within one twelve-month period allowed me to rapidly refine my prep techniques. 'Prep', here, being the common nickname for the nasty stuff you must swallow to thoroughly clean out your guts for a proper examination. I learned that prep takes many forms, today." Jason McIntosh shares "How not to screw it up" and a preparatory technique that includes "Eight coins or other tiny objects you can use as tokens." He further recommends "the delightful 'Welcome to Colonoscopy Land' by Anne Helen Petersen" (previously) which aims to break taboos and discuss "pooping your guts, the best fake sleep of your life, and having no memory of getting a camera pushed up your butt."
posted by brainwane (179 comments total) 84 users marked this as a favorite

And: McIntosh is MeFi's Own.
posted by brainwane at 9:59 AM on February 29 [2 favorites]

Related and excellent reading material: The Picolax Thread.
posted by fight or flight at 10:07 AM on February 29 [2 favorites]

That propofol they give you is pretty great stuff.
posted by Dirk at 10:14 AM on February 29 [19 favorites]

oooh I am (over)due for my first. perhaps reading these fine resources will help me, ahem, gird my loins...
posted by supermedusa at 10:14 AM on February 29 [3 favorites]

The worst part is the anticipation because everyone waaaasaay oversells how bad it is.

I actually found the Gavilyte to taste kinda ok! Like, it's lemony and salty, it's kind of good.
posted by keep_evolving at 10:20 AM on February 29 [11 favorites]

That's because people are given different prep liquids. Oh and that people are different!

The test was easy. The prep was extremely hard for me, and there was no, "just guzzle it." It was disgusting and made me cry trying so hard to drink it.

And then last time I discussed it here, I was shamed for saying it was hard, which was kind of unintentionally hilarious. Let's not do that here again, to anyone.
posted by tiny frying pan at 10:24 AM on February 29 [66 favorites]

the best fake sleep of your life

QFT. The anesthesiologist told me that I was going to take a nice little nap and I apparently woke up telling everyone how I had just taken a nice little nap and continued to tell them that every 3 minutes for the next couple of hours. I thought I'd maybe said it once or twice but my wife later told me that I just repeated it nonstop from the time I got into recovery through the drive home and then some.
posted by carrioncomfort at 10:24 AM on February 29 [32 favorites]

The prep process was far worse than the procedure itself for me, and ended up making me feel terrible. I'm no paragon when it comes to diet but I do try to mostly eat right...maybe that makes a difference? I dunno. But I do know that maybe 2/3 of the way through the prep I felt like I should have stopped, since I was already beginning to feel worse and...er, visual inspection of the porcelain fixture made it obvious that everything in my gut other than water had vacated a while ago. But I was a good doo-bee and finished anyway, with the result that I felt absolutely miserable the day of. And for a couple days after.

A week or so after that, some routine bloodwork indicated that I was dangerously low on sodium. The doctor emailed me frantically saying to get some salt pills and Gatorade/Pedialyte and get those levels back up in a hurry. I'm convinced that over-prepping is what led to the low-sodium issue...and to drastic changes in my typical elimination routine for the better part of a year afterward, so maybe my gut biome was decimated as well.

Anyway, if/when I need another colonoscopy, you can bet I'm going to have a serious discussion with my doctor about the prep process!
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:25 AM on February 29 [12 favorites]

Best nap you'll ever take.

I've done the fluid prep and also the 2-handfuls-of-pills prep. They were both difficult to get down in their own ways, but the pills were the ones that came back up.
posted by emelenjr at 10:26 AM on February 29 [1 favorite]

I don’t know if this will help anyone, but my doctor lets me do a prep where you mix Miralax with Gatorade and drink batches of that every 30 minutes or so. He told me more people will actually follow this prep, so he tends to prescribe it when possible.
posted by wittgenstein at 10:29 AM on February 29 [10 favorites]

My daughter had me try a cherry electrolyte drink that turned out to taste just like the prep drink I was given. I almost threw up.
posted by tommasz at 10:31 AM on February 29 [10 favorites]

Well the last time I had a colonoscopy, they woke me to tell me that the scope had broken inside me, and they had to do the procedure again.

They wanted to know if I preferred to go home, do the whole preprep again to have the colonoscopy again another day, or to just wait while they fixed the machine and just do it immediately again.

I was pretty zonked but I knew that I wasn't going to do that pre prep again so I told them just to do it again.

No way was I doing that pre prep again
posted by Zumbador at 10:33 AM on February 29 [21 favorites]

My recent post-procedure report listed my score on something called the Boston Bowel Preparation Scale. Not sure why they think I need to know this but let's just say: perfect 9 out of 9. The amount of pride I have in that polished colon 4.0 GPA probably says something about how the rest of my life is going.

Also, vanilla flavored stevia drops helped make my own radiator flush far more tolerable.
posted by Chocolate Sandwich at 10:35 AM on February 29 [53 favorites]

mix Miralax with Gatorade and drink batches of that

I'm not going to be able to do that until someone comes up with an appropriate name for this cocktail.
posted by box at 10:36 AM on February 29 [3 favorites]

(if you've had problems with prep, anesthesia, electrolytes, etc. in the past, it's worth asking your doc if a different kind of test--for example, cologuard's DNA test--could be a replacement.)
posted by mittens at 10:39 AM on February 29 [3 favorites]

the best fake sleep of your life

Although sedation is near universal in many countries, including the US, it is not necessary. In fact, in Japan, most colonoscopies are done without sedation. I don't like being sedated so happily went without. The worst pain was about 2-3 out of 10 and lasted for about 10 seconds.

Also, if you need a colon screening but don't want to get a colonoscopy, there are other options you can discuss with your medical provider. (This does not apply if you actually need treatment, clearly.)

I'm not telling you to avoid sedation or to avoid a colonoscopy: I'm telling you to choose whatever approach gets you to actually get the potentially life-saving screening.
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 10:39 AM on February 29 [17 favorites]

and a preparatory technique that includes "Eight coins or other tiny objects you can use as tokens."

Reading the article, I was extremely disappointed that his technique did not involve swallowing the coins and then counting them as they come out to be sure you are fully emptied.
posted by Dip Flash at 10:42 AM on February 29 [112 favorites]

I've done the gallon of Gavilyte and the newer Clenpiq, which is two small bottles you drink along with lots of clear liquids (water or coffee or tea or clear sodas or gatorade). I preferred the latter as I could hold my nose and chug, then follow up with something that tasted better. My only hurdle was discovering that the pineapple juice bars I'd bought had chunks of pineapple, and having to ask someone to run to the store for the lemon ones.

Gavilyte is essentially Miralax (polyethylene glycol) with electrolytes, so I can see where just mixing Miralax and Gatorade would be effective. As for a name for this cocktail, I suggest The Irri-Gator.
posted by bgrebs at 10:42 AM on February 29 [74 favorites]

I just did this last month. I put my Miralax in iced tea. It was ok to get down, but the aftertaste was disgusting. That much Miralax in liquid can definitely be tasted.
posted by ceejaytee at 10:43 AM on February 29

The comic strip "Pickles" is all about colonoscopy this week
posted by Ayn Marx at 10:43 AM on February 29

Needs "moon river" tag
posted by gottabefunky at 10:43 AM on February 29 [10 favorites]

I was also anticipating - with horror- the tokens were going to be transit-markers. Such a relief and also a disappointment.
posted by janell at 10:44 AM on February 29 [9 favorites]

My belated advice for prep: Install a bidet on your most isolated toilet.

The worst part for me was afterwards, when for weeks my brain was telling me it smelled that sickly not-so-sweet Clenpiq solution everywhere.

The procedure itself was a breeze, it was just like someone turned a dial on my consciousness from 10 to 0, and then from 0 to 10 (or maybe 9.5)
posted by credulous at 10:45 AM on February 29 [3 favorites]

I want absolutely nothing to do with any of this horror and I hope I’m not the only one who feels this way.
posted by dr_dank at 10:46 AM on February 29 [10 favorites]

I'm not going to be able to do that until someone comes up with an appropriate name for this cocktail.

Chocolate Thunder from Down Under
Sir Poopz-A-Lot
The Crapulator
Orinoco Flow
Hrrrrrrrrrngh
Blaster
Gulp 'N Blow
NOT HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 10:46 AM on February 29 [18 favorites]

My wife was complaining that GIs always do a colonoscopy and then basically ghost you if you have problems that aren't obvious from the procedure.

"It's like colonoscopies are the only things they can do."

I replied "Yeah, they've got tunnel vision."
posted by BrotherCaine at 10:47 AM on February 29 [50 favorites]

I want absolutely nothing to do with any of this horror and I hope I’m not the only one who feels this way.

You're not alone, but I'm certain colon cancer undiagnosed would be worse.
posted by tiny frying pan at 10:47 AM on February 29 [16 favorites]

...and the mail-your-own-poop routine is not without its own indelicacies.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 10:49 AM on February 29 [8 favorites]

Can someone who has had both a gestational diabetes test and colonoscopy prep tell me how the liquids in both compare?

I failed three gestational diabetes tests because I threw up, violently, before I could even finish the amount they gave me.
posted by cooker girl at 10:50 AM on February 29 [2 favorites]

That propofol they give you is pretty great stuff.

Is propofol responsible for retrograde amnesia? Because that was the freakiest shit I ever went through.

I got back in the car after the procedure and thanked my wife for helping me put my clothes back on. Her reply was "Um, no, you did that. And you were talking to me and the nurse for 10 minutes after that."

Not being to recall that period was disorienting for a day or so afterward. But yeah, it's great stuff.
posted by JoeZydeco at 10:52 AM on February 29 [1 favorite]

I have had diagnosed Crohn's Disease for over 15 and I've lost count of how many colonoscopies I've had. That said...

And then last time I discussed it here, I was shamed for saying it was hard, which was kind of unintentionally hilarious. Let's not do that here again, to anyone.

This is legitimately insane. The prep is, by far, the worst part.

My doctor must have had trouble getting the prescription stuff during COVID because my last 2 have been done with Miralax and let me tell you--that's the fucking way to do the prep.

Also, if you don't have a medical condition contraindicating this, just don't do the popsicles/Jello shit. Just don't eat. It's fine. Slam water all day and by the time you start the prep in the afternoon/evening you won't feel like eating anyway.
posted by rhymedirective at 10:56 AM on February 29 [7 favorites]

I want absolutely nothing to do with any of this horror and I hope I’m not the only one who feels this way.

Good news: You probably don't! Bad news: How do you feel about pooping in a bag?
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 11:05 AM on February 29 [4 favorites]

That propofol they give you is pretty great stuff.

They gave me fentanyl! I asked when I got there if patients can decline sedation and the nurse said yes, but in their experience people that passed on it the first time took it in follow-ups. I was a little disappointed because I wanted to watch, but the second I turned on my side and saw the monitor and thought "Well that's the inside of my butt" I blacked out. Post-procedure I think I woke myself up by ripping a huge fart.

The one issue I had was that you're not supposed to eat 24 hours or whatever before the procedure and because I work nights and have terrible eating habits it turned out I hadn't eaten something like 36 hours before. My body went into a weird mode where I was shitting my brains out even before I took the laxative, so by the time I was chugging the stuff (Which wasn't bad cold) I was already pretty empty.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:11 AM on February 29 [2 favorites]

I’ve never understood the aversion to colonoscopies. Taking a bunch of drugs and doing butt stuff with a couple of rich doctors sounds like a party to me.
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 11:12 AM on February 29 [64 favorites]

Frozen jello was a nice snack after prep since you can't eat much (only certain colors allowed).
I have suggested to the staff that wearing rubber alien masks might add to the experience.
posted by boilermonster at 11:17 AM on February 29 [19 favorites]

I woke up briefly during mine! Had a great view of the monitor, brain was wandering off between Walter Pater ish descriptions of the arched and rosy caverns and wondering if I should tell anyone.

Turned out I couldn't move and didn't care and was out again right quick.
posted by clew at 11:17 AM on February 29 [3 favorites]

boilermonster YESSS I love that idea (ok I have been watching Resident Alien)

ok, though, for realz, I'm going to make the appointment.

I am about to turn 56, and although I have been pooping on a little stick for years with no issues my dad did have colon cancer so they want me to do this test. blah blah ok ok ok.
posted by supermedusa at 11:19 AM on February 29 [5 favorites]

...and the mail-your-own-poop routine is not without its own indelicacies.

I did that - the kit includes a preprinted UPS Air label so you can get your sample to them ASAP, and the fine print dictates that a) you need to ship your sample out that same day, and b) that you cannot schedule for delivery on a weekend. There was a UPS drop point that opened at 8:30 near my job, and I figured great - I'd go there, drop it off, and walk the rest of the way to work and I'd be fine. Except the UPS storefront never opened and I ended up going on this five-block quest in search of another one.

By that time I knew I was going to be late to work so I gave my boss a call to explain what was going on and apologize. "Oh, that's fine," he said. He again repeated that I was fine when I got in finally. But he added, "I'm just curious - why didn't you just bring your package to work and have them send it out?"

I didn't know quite how to tell him that it was because I didn't want to subject the guys in the mailroom to having to deal with a package that was literally full of my own shit.

....As for this kind of colonoscopy, Patercallipygos has a cautionary tale: he had a colonoscopy once where they caught a polyp, and snipped it. It went fine, he went home. But then a couple days later he started feeling very unwell and went back to the ER again; he'd developed sepsis from that polyp snip and had to be admitted for a couple days.

And it was only then that he remembered that he'd forgotten to stop taking the immunosuppressants he takes for his arthritis, and forgotten to mention them to his proctologist.

So: do not forget to tell your proctologist if you take immunosuppressant drugs and discuss how to handle that.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:21 AM on February 29 [15 favorites]

My problem with Gavilyte is it makes me think of people trying to light goats on fire. Not in my backyard!

Also, tiny frying pan, one of the lowest moments in my life was during my first prep, where I thought I had one more glass left and realized it was more like 4….
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:26 AM on February 29 [4 favorites]

Three packets of lemon crystal light powder into the jug. Make it cold. Slam it down.
posted by Windopaene at 11:29 AM on February 29 [1 favorite]

OK, I guess we're talking about this, so here's a question I've been wondering about.

For those of you who had a terrible time during prep: do you have regular and comfortable bowel movements most of the time? Because when I tell people that I didn't find the prep all that bad, I have to add the caveat that my baseline bowel movements are already inconsistent and uncomfortable and messy, so the prep feels like turning it up from 5 to 8, rather than from 1 to 10.
posted by The Tensor at 11:30 AM on February 29 [5 favorites]

...and the mail-your-own-poop routine is not without its own indelicacies.

For example, there is a risk that you may spend the rest of the day singing "poop is in the box" to the tune of "Groove is in the Heart."
posted by nickmark at 11:30 AM on February 29 [30 favorites]

Mr.Know-it-some: Good news: You probably don't! Bad news: How do you feel about pooping in a bag?

I understand what you’re getting at, but skipping a screening isn’t going to magically give you the disease in question out of some sort of cosmic spite. It would be foolish to avoid it if one has a strong family history or a GI issue to diagnose, but if you’ve got the luxury of no issues, why go poking the hornets nest?
posted by dr_dank at 11:31 AM on February 29 [4 favorites]

Thanks to becoming lactose intolerant in my 40s, I had gotten quite used to shitting my guts empty by the time I was due for a colonoscopy, and really didn't find the prep all that awful. I also did not really have any disorientation from the sedative afterward. When my turn comes around again soon, I will probably try the poop-in-a-box thing, since there was nothing of concern from the first one. I figure I lived through several years of changing diapers and several decades of scooping litter boxes, so I'm not really all that squeamish about touching my own poop.
posted by briank at 11:31 AM on February 29 [2 favorites]

I have done it once and didn't find the prep difficult, only unpleasant. I am not a fan of pooping to begin with so I was pretty much done with it way before I was done with it.

The anesthesiologist must have thought I was more out of it than I was, because I asked the name of the drug and he said, cheerfully, "It's the same stuff Michael Jackson OD'ed on!" Pretty sure he didn't expect me to remember that bit of unprofessional wit, but we redheads are sometimes resistant to anesthesia...

Plus, I woke up halfway through and said something when I caught sight of the display, but they just glanced over at me and turned up the drugs -- which turned out my lights.
posted by wenestvedt at 11:33 AM on February 29 [4 favorites]

I'm sorry the prep is really hard for some people, but it might not be for you, dear reader. My doctor gave me the instructions to mix the prep stuff with Gatorade and it was like...drinking a lot of Gatorade and then having some diarrhea. A hassle, but not a horror.

In general, I think the benefits of colonoscopies outweigh the difficulties, even when the prep is difficult, but the prep might not even be that bad for you, so don't let these stories scare you away from something that has a non-negligible chance of saving you from dying a pretty difficult death from colon cancer.
posted by straight at 11:37 AM on February 29 [9 favorites]

I had a colonoscopy something like 8 years ago. I did not find the prep to be that bad. Unfortunately, I wasn't clean on the inside, so I had to do it again, so less suck, but for twice as long. I was out for the procedure, and didn't have any side effects from the anesthesia, so it wasn't so bad.
posted by Spike Glee at 11:38 AM on February 29 [1 favorite]

For those of you who had a terrible time during prep: do you have regular and comfortable bowel movements most of the time?

This has nothing to do with it, for me. The prep that was difficult was drinking the prep liquid. It was so vile I couldn't do much but sip it and gagged every time. It seemed only like salty liquid but my body didn't want to swallow it.

The pooping was fine. It was violent, and watery, and cold. But over quickly. Then it was about feeling faint and dizzy until the test.

The first meal after testing, sushi, tasted incredible.
posted by tiny frying pan at 11:38 AM on February 29 [6 favorites]

To me, the aversion is to the prep, which I had to do twice (once after I got there, with their literal brown paper toilet paper and nurses outside the door asking to examine the toilet contents!) because I had a *surprise* "long colon" which is surprisingly hard to find out anything about.

Once they agreed to actually do it and the drugs kicked in, I didn't care about anything at all.

The whole experience sucked, and it messed me up in a variety of ways, both mental and physical. It was also humiliating, on-site. Seven hours, people. I don't want to do it again. It feels barbaric to me, and I don't think you should have to physically hurt yourself so someone can get a clear view of your insides. Shouldn't there be a better way by now, like an ultrasound? Clearly this must be the cheapest thing to do because otherwise it wouldn't be on the pt to do this to themselves every time.
posted by 41swans at 11:39 AM on February 29 [3 favorites]

I understand what you’re getting at, but skipping a screening isn’t going to magically give you the disease in question out of some sort of cosmic spite. It would be foolish to avoid it if one has a strong family history or a GI issue to diagnose, but if you’ve got the luxury of no issues, why go poking the hornets nest?

Doctors try to counteract this idea: link

Common Colonoscopy Myths

“As a gastroenterologist, I’ve heard all the reasons for not getting screened,” says Dr. Pluskota. “Most often, people express anxiety or fear about getting a colonoscopy. They’ve heard that the prep is difficult and are afraid the procedure will be painful.”

Other reasons people may give for delaying a colonoscopy include:

I don’t have a family history of colon cancer so I’m not at risk. The reality is that most colorectal cancers are found in people with no family history of the disease.
I don’t have any symptoms. Preventive screenings are designed to look for disease in people without symptoms. In the case of colorectal cancer, symptoms typically don’t occur until the cancer is more advanced and more difficult to treat.
Getting screened will be expensive. Screening colonoscopies and at-home tests are covered as preventive care by most insurance plans.
I don’t have the time. Colonoscopy, from check-in to discharge, takes only a few hours and the prep is done at home the day before. At-home tests only take minutes.
It’s embarrassing. If you’re uncomfortable or embarrassed talking about colon cancer screenings, rest assured that your doctor is there to answer your questions.

“I reassure patients that a colonoscopy is a very safe procedure with minimal risk and little to no discomfort,” says Dr. Pluskota. “We ensure that each patient receives the right amount of IV sedation to relax them and most have no memory of the procedure. Prep methods have also improved over the years, making it more tolerable.”
posted by tiny frying pan at 11:41 AM on February 29 [7 favorites]

I am terrified, not of the prep, not even of the test, but of the anesthesia. I had a hard time explaining this to my doc. The idea of being just anesthetized enough so that I might be talking, without a firm conscious grasp on what I am saying, is so mortifying, I don't even know what to do with the thought. And I've read a million cheerful stories of people saying nonsense and having the nurses laugh and everyone gets on with life, but what if I say something so horrible it changes my life forever? And maybe that's an irrational fear but I absolutely don't know how to deal with it.
posted by mittens at 11:42 AM on February 29 [12 favorites]

but the prep might not even be that bad for you, so don't let these stories scare you away from something that has a non-negligible chance of saving you from dying a pretty difficult death from colon cancer.

Absolutely! My goal isn't to scare people, but prepare them. So many people have dismissed that the prep is even difficult, to go so far as to call me a wimp in a previous thread (I am clearly not over it, haha). Get it done, everyone.
posted by tiny frying pan at 11:43 AM on February 29 [4 favorites]

My belated advice for prep: Install a bidet on your most isolated toilet.

Or your favorite toilet. Those $30 ones that hook up to the bottom of your tank are great and you'll use a lot less toilet paper and I was surprised that I don't actively dislike the cold water rinse.

In fact it's kind of refreshing in the summer.
posted by Kyol at 11:45 AM on February 29 [11 favorites]

And I tried to make clear that I know the prep is really difficult for some people (and I'm sorry that sucks so bad), but just to point out the difficulty with prep is a risk, not something that definitely happens to everybody.
posted by straight at 11:46 AM on February 29 [2 favorites]

Yep - everyone is different. There's no one universal medical experience.
posted by tiny frying pan at 11:50 AM on February 29 [4 favorites]

I, age 60 at the time, finally had my first colonoscopy. At the time, I had a colostomy bag, so, having to run to the bathroom and spend all day there wasn't a thing. "Bag is full again..."

They found some polyps, so, probably a good thing. The entire concept of their sticking their camera thing through the hole in my belly, not so much. Luckily, I was whacked out, and don't remember any of it. Sedation rocks.
posted by Windopaene at 11:52 AM on February 29 [5 favorites]

Another Crohn's sufferer here, veteran of many hosecameras up the butt. I'm a big proponent of the Miralax prep; my GI doc swears by it, and it's a breeze compared to the old stuff.

Let me pass along the best tip the Crohn's community has given me about colonoscopies:

Diaper cream.

The day of your prep, just slather it on your butthole after every visit to the throne.

Your butthole will thank you.
posted by MrVisible at 11:52 AM on February 29 [26 favorites]

I think maybe, for some people, they need to give you the drugs so you can get the prep down (I feel like a little fentanyl and ativan would make that terrible experience a lot more bearable) rather than for the procedure itself. I suppose it would be tough for people to care enough to keep swallowing the prep if they were on ativan and fentanyl though.
posted by ssg at 11:56 AM on February 29 [2 favorites]

I'm going for my first ever colonoscopy in like a month, so this information is VERY WELCOME. Good Lord I'm glad you posted this. All info bookmarked, printed and ready to put into play.
posted by joelhunt at 11:59 AM on February 29 [8 favorites]

I have my very first colonoscopy this Monday and will do the prep on Sunday. Sounds like unpleasant times ahead but at least I know what I'm in for. That being said, I know two people my age (mid 40s) who had colon cancer, one who died from it and another who was diagnosed during a colonoscopy and is currently undergoing treatment, so I value the fact that it's available as a screening tool.
posted by emd3737 at 12:03 PM on February 29 [9 favorites]

One thing about colonoscopies is it is probably one of the few times where you will have people (nurses in this case) happy to hear that you are passing gas.
posted by Dirk at 12:06 PM on February 29 [6 favorites]

Since my pop died at 34 from colon cancer, I've had more than an average number of 'scopes. The prep is never fun, but there are worse things in life, like the time I had a bout with e.coli, and spent 3 days in the bathroom.

The first one (45 years ago!) was the worst. The only thing I knew was that all my friends told me it was the "most painful thing they ever did." Combine that with 2 gallons of foul prep juice, I wasn't in great shape mentally.

So I went in at 5:30am (!) and the doc did it. It was uncomfortable, but nowhere near the near-death experience I was expecting. They wheeled me into recovery and made me watch bad morning news. I thing cartoons would have been better.

About an hour later, the doc came in looking very worried and started to apologize. It seems that I was supposed to get a shot of Valium before, but they forgot. They only realized when at the end of the session they had one vial leftover. Then he got a little pissed off and wanted to know why I didn't complain about the pain. I told him I thought it was supposed to be uncomfortable, and this was my first time.

He started to leave, but stopped when I asked him how it went. "Good prep, we didn't see anything abnormal." Then he left.

I went to a different doc after that. All the rest have been under sedation, the only problem I have now is wrangling up a ride to and from the hospital.

Seconding the above: Get a bidet toilet seat, even if it's the $30 cold water add-on.
posted by Marky at 12:13 PM on February 29 [5 favorites]

So I've been doing the mail in stool samples for years, and they finally got a positive for blood in my stool So, last year I went in for my first (and t turns out second ) colonoscopy . They gave me the gavilax, and some pills, and told me to buy miralax, apparently, they weren't shitting around. I took and hated the gavilax, and the miralax, and forgot the pills. The pills turned out to be the important part so I had to come back the next day and continue with the gavilax and miralax. When I got home that first day I remembered the pills (well capsules, I think) and took them, so the second went fine. However, I really hate the gravlax and will never do that again. Since the ADHD meds I'm on makes me constipated, I do the miralax every few days, and it's totally doable with water. Also, it turned out I was ok, I had just started on the ADHD meds, and , erm, injured myself, you know, down there. I won't need another colonoscopy or seven years. Also, as others keep saying, remember, this is my experience so ymmv.
posted by evilDoug at 12:21 PM on February 29 [1 favorite]

Done it twice. It was basically a breeze. But yes, the prep can make a difference. The first time I had to drink a commercial prep that was horrible to choke down. The second time, they gave me a chemical to stir into Gatorade (don't use red) and that was far more pleasant.

I even know someone who did it without anesthesia (he wanted to watch) and didn't find it particularly painful.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 12:21 PM on February 29 [1 favorite]

I had four or five of those damned things. The prep wasn't much more than annoying.

I jokingly asked the gas passer if I should count backward from a hundred. He laughed and told me to go for it. I got as far as one hundred. I drifted back to consciousness (more or less). I was lying on my side, feeling bloated; I was facing a large monitor. My POV was moving through a pink tunnel. I heard someone say, "Hey, look at that." Then a little metal hoop reached out and grabbed a little wart-like thing, and something zapped it, and the wart disappeared. I thought this was cool. The next thing I saw was the ceiling in the recovery room. It took me a minute to realize I was done.

I came for the colonoscopy and stayed for the Propofol.
posted by mule98J at 12:30 PM on February 29 [10 favorites]

For those of you who had a terrible time during prep: do you have regular and comfortable bowel movements most of the time? Because when I tell people that I didn't find the prep all that bad, I have to add the caveat that my baseline bowel movements are already inconsistent and uncomfortable and messy, so the prep feels like turning it up from 5 to 8, rather than from 1 to 10

I failed prep twice at a time in my life when I was having constant, urgent diarrhea. Like, I shit my pants in public once diarrhea. But I simply would not start pooping on the prep. And it was so miserable (the GoLytely stuff has a kind of slimy feel to it that I found repulsive) that after two failed preps, I quit.

I finally had a colonoscopy when I was hospitalized after about nine months of literally not being able to eat. With few exceptions, I'd been living for most of a year on a flu diet: jello, ginger ale, sometimes yogurt, sometimes soup. I needed a platelet transfusion before the colonoscopy, and the pint they had set aside for me got used during the night for an emergency case, so we waited the next day until another pint became available. I went in for my colonoscopy hours after it was originally scheduled, and by the time I had the procedure, it had been something like 36 hours without anything except the prep, many many trips to the bathroom to poop, and still afterward the doctor told me I'd still had poop in my colon. I was like, "How? How do I eve have poop in my colon?" They'd had to rinse me out, but they were able to the do the colonoscopy, and they removed a single, small, benign polyp.

I'm not sure what the heck I'm going to do when it's time for another one. The spirit is willing but the flesh is, somehow, very weak.
posted by Well I never at 12:33 PM on February 29 [4 favorites]

Another frequent flyer here, and another person who gets full marks on their prep. (Doctors say things like, "You were clean as a whistle! I wish all my patients prepped like you!" I get a GOLD STAR in colonoscopy prep!) Things that have helped me that aren't in the post:
- Being a vegetarian. When I was a meat-eater prep was super-uncomfortable. As a vegetarian it is much easier.
- Every diet change they tell you to make, I do 24 hours earlier, including the fasting. (But I've done 10 day water fasts; I know not everyone is going to be able to fast comfortably.)
- Vaseline on the butthole. Do this at the beginning of prep. You will be grateful next day that you did.
- Hemorrhoid buttwipes. Use them after every toilet experience.
- Lots of reading material in the bathroom!
I'm allergic to the flavor packets with the Golytely, so I have to drink it naked. It's definitely not great – but I don't have the flavored version to compare to. About 20 years ago, there was a different prep that was just three little bottles of fluid, and I liked that a lot better, but it got pulled off the market.

As far as not being able to choke down the Golytely - my dad couldn't either. The doctor did not give him any alternative to the prep and just told him to "man up." Because of that they missed a cancerous polyp and he died. If your doctor won't give you an alternative prep, find another doctor.
posted by rednikki at 12:33 PM on February 29 [9 favorites]

If you're having trouble drinking the prep liquid because it tastes gross, colonoscopy prep is available in tablet form. I used something called Sutab. It's a bunch of tablets that you take with a large amount of water. You still have to drink a ton of water, so it doesn't help that much if the problem is just the sheer volume of liquid you need to consume. But it doesn't taste nasty, if that's your main problem.
posted by cruelfood at 12:50 PM on February 29 [2 favorites]

[Side note.

Usually, when I post to the front page, my posts get significantly more favorites than they do comments. In the past ~14 months, my posts that have gotten more comments than faves have been about:

* bacon
* changing a flat tire
* biking and stop signs
* web browser market share over time
* endless dishonest "please rate us" customer surveys
* a word puzzle game
* different English speakers' slang usage
* cannabis legalization
* colonoscopies

I am going to remember this the next time I post a link to a short scifi/fantasy story and it gets like 3 comments. We want to read delightful fiction, but we want to talk about words, weed, the web, games, food, transportation, shopping, and medical experiences.

Please carry on.]
posted by brainwane at 12:51 PM on February 29 [30 favorites]

If you're having trouble drinking the prep liquid because it tastes gross, colonoscopy prep is available in tablet form. I used something called Sutab.

Worth asking about, but when I asked about this for a 2nd test I havent taken yet, I was told no, they would not prescribe this. Believe me I will ask again.
posted by tiny frying pan at 12:53 PM on February 29 [1 favorite]

Reading the article, I was extremely disappointed that his technique did not involve swallowing the coins and then counting them as they come out to be sure you are fully emptied.

Does it involve leaving a few coins in your system to ensure that the docs are thorough, brown M&M tour rider style?
posted by atoxyl at 12:56 PM on February 29 [12 favorites]

Mr.Know-it-some: Good news: You probably don't! Bad news: How do you feel about pooping in a bag?

Dr. Dank: I understand what you’re getting at, but skipping a screening isn’t going to magically give you the disease in question out of some sort of cosmic spite.

Sorry, I wasn't clear: pooping in a bag referred to the alternative screening methods that require sending in stool. Neither a colonoscopy or producing a stool sample is that big of a deal, but neither is exactly fun for most of us either.
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 1:02 PM on February 29 [1 favorite]

what if I say something so horrible it changes my life forever? And maybe that's an irrational fear but I absolutely don't know how to deal with it

Just to say you're not alone. Not saying this is you, but I'm one of those people that has to constantly actively think about not being an asshole. I figure I can apologize ahead of time to the staff and that they hear all KINDSA shit, but I really hope they'll make sure I'm done being a dick before they let my belovedest schmoopy back.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 1:22 PM on February 29 [4 favorites]

Last year when I did mine the prep was "meh" - not fun, not the worst, but boy you never realize how much shit you carry around with you, do you? :)

What I really don't like is the anesthesia - not for any side effects (other than groggy)- but because I really, really, really don't like the light switch effect. I think I made it to 7 from 10 with my gall bladder removal, but with the scope I blanked immediately mid sentence with the doc. Both times coming out I've been angry with myself that the brain isn't on straight. Post op nurse told me I needed to relax and I apparently growled something snarky at her. (She told my wife)
posted by drewbage1847 at 1:26 PM on February 29 [2 favorites]

I, too, received a score of 9 for my colon-cleaning prowess. 🌊 SO PROUD.

One thing that helped make the whole process less awful is a fact that I learned here on MetaFilter: pat your bum with witch hazel after each drop. It minimized chapping, which I was dreading.

A consequence of my first colonoscopy was an appendectomy, which was not expected but also way less DRAMA than my wife's appendectomy (which she had in the 1970s around age 5). Now I have three little, maroon dots on my tummy, compared to her long, jagged scar.
posted by wenestvedt at 1:30 PM on February 29 [1 favorite]

cooker girl: Can someone who has had both a gestational diabetes test and colonoscopy prep tell me how the liquids in both compare?

Yes I can! The colonoscopy prep liquid (I had the big four liter jug) is a lot less sweet but a teeny bit thicker than the glucose drink. I also struggled with the glucola - I needed a cold wet washcloth on my neck to help keep from vomiting - and I was nervous about drinking three liters of goop in a short time span. My doctor's suggestions were to make the prep liquid nice and cold and to use a straw so that I might not taste it as much, and it stayed down (and then out pretty fast). The thought was a lot worse than the reality.

(And I am never ever drinking the glucose stuff again. Gack.)
posted by sencha at 1:38 PM on February 29 [4 favorites]

For those who don't want to be knocked out (mittens and others), you don't have to be!!

My one and only colonoscopy was done in South Korea (similar to Japan as Mr. Know-it-some mentions above). You get some painkiller and a very small amount of a sedative but not anything close to actually putting you under.

I don't remember much about the experience that is useful to others, but I do remember
1) Y'ALL THE WAITING ROOM TV WAS SHOWING OTHER PEOPLE'S COLONOSCOPIES. LIKE A LIVE CAM. I swear to god.
2) The doctor and the nurse were discussing my family name, which is not super common in Korea, and conducting small talk with me while they were actually inserting the camera and moving it around.
3) All patients wore like a onesie with a butt flap. I kinda liked that.
4) The endoscopy was immeasurably worse in my opinion.
posted by spamandkimchi at 1:46 PM on February 29 [17 favorites]

I am jealous of all of you perfect 9ers! I got an 8. I looked at all of my colon photos and it looked squeaky clean to me, but what can you do? Maybe the judges were feeling vindictive that day.

I can't say enough good things about propofol - aside from the pain in my hand when they injected it. I was lying there, dealing with the hand pain, then just waiting to fall asleep. Eventually I asked if I should be asleep yet, and a nurse said "it's been over for a while." I looked up and I was no longer in the operating room. It was amazing - like the film of my life had been seamlessly spliced to remove time. I had no ill effects - no nausea or dizziness or weakness or anything.

I also didn't have much of an issue with the miralax / gatorade combo because I'm a pretty regular consumer of gatorade and kind of love it. Eating nothing but Jell-O got old, though. And I ate some orange Jell-O, which immediately clued me in on why they tell you not to eat any red Jell-O. The colors come through perfectly! Which, if you eat red Jell-O, means it looks like blood.
posted by grumpybear69 at 1:51 PM on February 29 [5 favorites]

A friend stayed awake and said it was uncomfortable, not really painful, mildly interesting. Anybody else have that experience? I live out of town and having a friend pick me up after is a pain. As I've gotten older, the people I've picked up and/or live in town have become incapacitated and don't drive.

If you have a tender asshole, put a dab of vaseline on it, every time you wipe. I must be acidic because things got really hurty. Apparently, I am a tender and delicate flower, news to those who know me.
posted by theora55 at 2:03 PM on February 29 [5 favorites]

Here in Ontario they have you do an in-home poop collection where you have to make a toilet paper raft in the toilet, then shit on that so the feces don't get wet, then use a sample stick to scrape off a dab and put it in a container and mail it off. (Then you can flush. You better pray your bathroom fan is working for all of this, I am just saying.) If they don't detect anything they leave you alone for a few years and then you have to do it again. If they suspect something, you gotta do ... the probe.

At the risk of TMI, I'll note that if you have good hand/eye/rectum coordination, you can scoop your sample on its way down, and skip the whole toilet paper life raft step and associated smells.

1) Y'ALL THE WAITING ROOM TV WAS SHOWING OTHER PEOPLE'S COLONOSCOPIES. LIKE A LIVE CAM. I swear to god.
2) The doctor and the nurse were discussing my family name, which is not super common in Korea, and conducting small talk with me while they were actually inserting the camera and moving it around.
3) All patients wore like a onesie with a butt flap. I kinda liked that.
4) The endoscopy was immeasurably worse in my opinion.

Ok, booking my flight to Korea now, this sounds amazing.
posted by Dip Flash at 2:11 PM on February 29 [5 favorites]

Great thread and FPP; seems to really encourage people to get ‘scoped which is a good thing! (And why I hope it ends up sidebarred.) I have a kind of unique perspective here; I am scheduled for my third colonoscopy in a week and a half, and I also anesthetize kids (including teenagers) for upper and lower endoscopies on a regular basis. The best advice I got was from a senior surgeon who had been there himself: If you are using the gallon jug of laxative, mix it up with hot water so it won’t have the off-putting gritty texture it can have, then put it in the coldest part of your refrigerator for at least 24 hours so it is ice cold with minimal flavor. Realizing that you will have severe diarrhea , but only for a few hours, is key to your comfort. Once you start the prep wear comfy, easy to drop clothes and keep close (as in a few steps) to a toilet. The bidet suggestions above are great; I didn’t have one for my previous colonoscopy preps, but now have an inexpensive cold-water one for everyday use (great suggestion by my wife for a number of reasons!) but can see it being used a lot that night. And definitely pay attention to the diet instructions. We have (like many people for a variety of reasons) been shifting our diet towards more vegetables and less meat, but this recovering carnivore looks forward to eating steak and pasta for a few days!

As for the sedation, the ideal scenario that has been shown to be safest is to have any endoscopic procedure done in a facility that has an anesthesiologist on staff (not necessarily doing the sedation for the procedure, but involved in formulating policies, available for consultation on unusual situations, and so forth). Colonoscopies are usually pretty low in terms of need for sedation though, so the risk/benefit ratio is pretty good no matter what. My first two endoscopies were done with propofol sedation; for the second one I declined the offer of midazolam (similar to Valium) as an additional sedative and found I woke up much more clear headed. For this upcoming scope I plan to forego sedation altogether and do it wide awake so that I can be productive the rest of the day. I had a colleague (another surgeon, of course) do this so he could go back to work (not in the OR though) the same day.

So to all of you who need a colonoscopy, go for it; it really isn’t bad at all! And for those who already have yours scheduled, strong work! Take care of yourself!
posted by TedW at 2:18 PM on February 29 [9 favorites]

I am going to remember this the next time I post a link to a short scifi/fantasy story and it gets like 3 comments.

But I love your short story posts! My podcast posts are much the same; usually way more favorites than comments. I guess it’s because people aren’t going to read the work and remember to come back. Unlike colonoscopies, where the doctors keep bugging you….
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:26 PM on February 29 [6 favorites]

hand/eye/rectum coordination

You should never let your rectum touch your eye. Or vice versa.
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:27 PM on February 29 [4 favorites]

Never put anything smaller than your elbow in your eye or rectum.
posted by grumpybear69 at 2:28 PM on February 29 [3 favorites]

I'm scheduled for one next week and literally picked up the bottle of Peglyte this afternoon. The pharmacist suggested drinking it with a straw as that might help to avoid the taste.
posted by peppermind at 3:11 PM on February 29 [2 favorites]

How timely; I'm chugging my Gavilyte as we speak. have my fingers crossed for a 9 BBPS.
Don't need the whole coin-counting thing, just "drink half the jug" (and of course there's no half-way line on the jug).
posted by achrise at 3:14 PM on February 29 [2 favorites]

I just scheduled my intake appointment for my first one so this is MeFi serendipity!
posted by bbrown at 3:16 PM on February 29 [2 favorites]

Definitely sidebar worthy, TedW, appreciate the honest & professional point of view. Frankly, it was my perception from undergrad (rest easy world, I didn’t stick with medicine) that doctors would espouse these screenings and procedures for pretty much anyone but themselves, preferring to take an *ahem* early retirement package than subject themselves to such futility. A sort of fraternity secret, if you will, that doesn’t get discussed with outsiders.

I’m assuming that these attitudes among young docs change as they mature, but I lost touch with that crowd a long time ago.
posted by dr_dank at 3:49 PM on February 29 [1 favorite]

I had to do the four-liter PEG thing, and on a tip from MeFi tried it with Diet Sprite.

Tasted okay, did the job. (I also got kudos from the doc for prep quality.)
posted by humbug at 3:56 PM on February 29 [1 favorite]

several months ago I had to get a colonoscopy (awwww yeah almost forty) and the prep instructions may have been the first time in my life that a medical professional has urged me to avoid eating salad
posted by DoctorFedora at 4:06 PM on February 29 [6 favorites]

I will also say that I was surprised by how much of a nothing the actual procedure itself was, compared to the gastroscope I'd underwent a year or two prior, which may have been the single most unpleasant thing I have ever experienced

it does also feel unfair that "occult blood test" sounds so much cooler and more metal than it actually is
posted by DoctorFedora at 4:10 PM on February 29 [7 favorites]

Had it done 2 years ago. It was so easy, I find it hard to believe that people even talk about it. The worst part was not being able to eat the day before. I got hungry. But other than that? Zero annoyances. Well, aside from having to go to/from a hospital and the time it takes up.
posted by SoberHighland at 4:16 PM on February 29 [1 favorite]

I have not had one yet, but I am worried about the fasting during the prep (not so much the procedure itself, or the - ahem - other parts of the prep). I get lightheaded and woozy if a meal is a few hours late, and I don't know how my body will respond to having only broth, jello, and gatorade for > 24 hrs.

This seems to get much less attention than the other prep parts, and the fasting is just sort of hand waved... "oh you'll be fine." Ok but I'm seriously worried I might faint from low blood sugar.
posted by pineapplerunner at 4:18 PM on February 29 [6 favorites]

I thought the same based on my faintiness on not eating but it was surprisingly ok. Drink tons of water...and the clear colored (not red or purple) gummi bears helped.

Unlimited gummi bears.
posted by tiny frying pan at 4:25 PM on February 29 [2 favorites]

I am one of those people who failed prep and had to poop in a jar. I'm kind of fragile (chronically ill) and they gave me the harshest prep possible apparently. I'm glad to know there are alternatives that might not mess me up.

Also thanks for the reminder to discuss immune suppressants with your GI doctor! I'll need to do that next time around.
posted by gentlyepigrams at 4:28 PM on February 29 [2 favorites]

This is highly relevant to me, as I have my third or fourth colonoscopy in mid-March, and just got my prep instructions today.

The prep, for me, has always been a pain, but not awful, and last time I discovered the joy of hot chicken stock: warm, salty, satisfying. One of my co-workers said the first time his late husband had it, he wasn't able to finish the regimen, and was told that is surprisingly common.

Anesthetic has always been a breeze for me, even the non-colonoscopic experiences. The first time I had a colonoscopy they didn't give me quiet enough to knock me out, but enough to enjoy the experience; they let me follow along on the monitor (it was black and white and not in any way gross).
posted by lhauser at 4:52 PM on February 29 [2 favorites]

I had my first one about a month ago. The advice I wished I had been given: NEVER. TRUST. A FART. if you think you’re about to fart, run don’t walk to the toilet!

Thank god I was wearing the $15 emergency pants I had bought for the trip to the hospital.
posted by UltraMorgnus at 4:54 PM on February 29 [5 favorites]

My problem with the preps that require you to drink a lot of liquid:
I have GERD, and it seems like my stomach fills up REALLY fast. After a few cups, I feel like a balloon filled with water that's about to burst. It's really, really uncomfortable.

The last prep I had was the one with the pills. It wasn't as bad.

My mom died of colon cancer. I've had polyps the last couple of colonoscopies. I get them about every 5 years. I'm due this year.

I have woken up briefly during two (I think) procedures. Sometimes there was a little pain involved, like bad gas pains. I'm never awake long, thank goodness.
posted by Archer25 at 5:50 PM on February 29 [4 favorites]

I did the Gatorade with Miralax prep and found it not bad at all. Mrs. Judgement did the exact same prep and it was awful for her. People are different.
posted by judgement day at 5:57 PM on February 29 [1 favorite]

I just scheduled my first today, probably a bit late in my mid-50s. So it's coming up in mid-March, and this post is very timely.

As someone who has engaged in some rather extreme sex activities, I've had my arm pretty far up inside someone. But not much inside me, and never filmed!

Oh, yes, TMI warning on that last sentence.
posted by hippybear at 6:06 PM on February 29 [7 favorites]

My first colonoscopy, I hallucinated a perfect kernel of corn gently floating down my colon. I have no idea where the truth lies, maybe I did, maybe I didn't, reach my arm up and point at the high res (was this even real??) screen and drool out "is t h a t c o r n".

It also coincided with an extreme betrayal, so with every trip to the toilet, I dedicated the evacuation to a person.

I have my second one scheduled in a few weeks and intend to go completely into the propofol bliss.
posted by tarantula at 6:29 PM on February 29 [4 favorites]

I had my first colonoscopy a couple of years ago, and I followed the prep instructions TO THE LETTER, and then I vomited halfway through the procedure while I was sedated. When I woke up and didn't know why my throat hurt (that would be because they had to vacuum out the vomit while I was asleep), they were like, "Well, you didn't follow the instructions, did you? Had a little breakfast, right?" And I couldn't convince them that I had done everything just like they said, but at the end one guy said "Well maybe you have a slow stomach", like that's a thing. Turns out it's TOTALLY a thing, a thing that comes along with the diabetes I was diagnosed with the following year. God only knows what's going to happen the next time I have to do one, or have any kind of surgery or anything that requires an empty stomach.
posted by Daily Alice at 6:33 PM on February 29 [7 favorites]

Suck on some ice before drinking the prep, you won't taste a thing.
posted by BozoBurgerBonanza at 7:31 PM on February 29 [1 favorite]

Neither a colonoscopy or producing a stool sample is that big of a deal, but neither is exactly fun for most of us either.

*snort* I mentioned my poop-in-a-box thing above, but forgot the best bit.

The Cologuard kit was what I eventually used. But that was the SECOND such kit I'd been given, and was actually much better than the first kit my doctor had given me one year earlier. In fact, if you've never had a Cologuard, here's what it entails - you get:

* A little rack to put across your toilet seat
* A pint-of-ice-cream-size cup to rest inside the rack, right at the spot where it would see the most action
* A lid for the aforementioned cup
* A scraping tool, a test tube, and a pint of a preservative solution in a bottle

The idea is that you put the rack on the seat and the un-covered cup in the rack, and then you sit down and....doo what you gotta doo. The rack holds the cup right where it needs to be. Then you take the cup out of the rack, scrape a bit of the sample with the tool and stick that into the test tube, and then dump the preserveative solution into the cup. Then you put the lid on the cup, put the test tube into a baggie they supply, and pack them both into the box and ship it out.

....That's how the Cologuard does it.

The first kit y doctor gave me a year earlier consisted of:

* A sheet of plastic
* A tongue depressor thing
* A baggie

For that one, I would be expected to lay the plastic over the opening of the toilet, and then sit down to do my business - but then somehow stand up and turn around fast enough to catch said sample before it slipped down into the toilet bowl, so it wouldn't get wet or pee'd on. I was then meant to juggle this plastic sheet full of shit to scrape a bit off and stuff that in a baggie for testing. I could flush the rest.

I did not trust my coordination on this, and was trying to figure out how to handle this; I actually had a lengthy conversation with a cousin about this, where the two of us came up with some scheme which would have involved me setting a bucket into the bathtub and trying to poop into THAT. But as luck would have it, about two days before I tried that, I broke my knee - and I quickly pointed out to my doctor that well, now that my leg was in a full-length plaster cast, there now was no way in all of the nine hells I was going to be mobile enough to go along with the kit she'd sent me and maybe we could postpone this sample collection untli I was more mobile, yeah? ...Fortunately she agreed and I think that's part of why I got Colaguard two years later.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:40 PM on February 29 [5 favorites]

Try to maintain enough presence of mind to sneak a phone in to the procedure so you can get a picture of your innards. For some Zoom meetings, it's the perfect camera background.
posted by ocschwar at 7:42 PM on February 29 [7 favorites]

I"ve seen some people who've gotten DVDs of the video of the procedure. I don't know that I'd need it, but motion backgrounds!
posted by hippybear at 7:47 PM on February 29 [2 favorites]

A consequence of my first colonoscopy was an appendectomy,

I’ve rejected all the jokes about organ location and procedures gone weird and am just gonna ask, how does that come about as a result of a colonoscopy?
posted by phearlez at 7:55 PM on February 29

I appreciate this thread. Crohn's since 2004, am on the colonoscopy-a-year plan, and I just had one (plus upper endoscopy!) this past Monday. I always have polyps of all the types, so I guess this is just part of my yearly medical routine now.

I recommend the SuTab pill prep, if your doctor approves. My prescription plan D (Medicare) doesn't cover it, but you can go to the manufacturer's web page and get a coupon that brings the cost down to $50 (you have to affirm that this is being obtained outside your plan D). Still pricey but I economize elsewhere. Because the prep is two parts, you start taking the pills and drinking the accompanying water the night before; get a little sleep; then repeat on the actual day of your procedure. Sometimes I have to get up around 2 am to do part 2; this time my procedure wasn't until 12:30 pm so I didn't have to wake up until 5 am.

I follow my gastroenterologist's instructions to the letter: the low-residue diet (no lettuce, corn, nuts, seeds, popcorn, fruit with seeds or skins, raw vegetables, black pepper, etc.) 5 days prior, and clear diet the day before. Sometimes I've done the clear diet *two* days before. The important thing is to stay hydrated during the clear diet and include both broth for protein and clear juices for carbohydrates. The instructions tell me in what time frames I have to drink the water, but they also say, if you feel discomfort, slow down. It helps to be as relaxed as you can be during the preparation. I think the prep is as gentle as they can make it; I too have experienced the consequences of food poisoning and bad Crohn's flares, and the preparation process is nowhere near as rough as that.

Once when I was doing Part 2 of the SuTab prep, I felt nauseated and threw up a little. I brushed my teeth, regained my composure, and just forged on with taking the rest of the pills. It worked.

I get some of the most interesting pictures afterwards, most of which I don't understand, but I've learned to see what inflammation looks like. And for the first time in a long time, I don't see any in the pictures. So I'm pretty happy with this year's outcome!
posted by apartment dweller at 7:57 PM on February 29 [7 favorites]

When I was scheduling my procedure today I was offered three options for prep: the gallon you drink in two rounds covered by insurance, a smaller prep that is paid for by some insurance, and a third that was simply paid out of pocket but was smallest of all.

Are there experiences with these other preps that aren't the full gallon? I'd like to hear about those. I might be willing to pay $50 to avoid that.
posted by hippybear at 8:01 PM on February 29

Recently had my first colonoscopy.

Used Movicol (macrogol plus electrolytes), which is palatable enough, and it sure did the clearing job. Was nothing left in me by the morning of the procedure.

Only practical advice I can offer is stay hydrated, stay near the toilet, and don't use toilet paper for cleaning up during the clearing phase, otherwise you will have a very raw rear before it is over. If you don't have a bidet just stick your rear in the shower. You are not leaving the house anyway, and your rear will thank you for it.

Will probably take your gut a while to settle back down afterwards. A few weeks for me, though mine is not in the best of form to start with.

Did get the all clear, which is nice and helps make it all worthwhile, though do have a few diverticula to keep watch on.

Unpleasant and messy. But a lot better than finding out any bad news the hard way, when it is too late.
posted by Pouteria at 8:08 PM on February 29 [2 favorites]

I'll chime in with the chorus: it ain't no big thing! Just a few days of different things going in your mouth and out your butt. Then the procedure, which is no big deal (unless you develop an opiate tolerance, then it can be a little uncomfortable).

On about my third colonoscopy, the doctor kicked me out and noted: "Inadequate bowel prep." (So, not a squeaky clean poop tube.)

Turns out I have a six-foot colon! (The typical colon is five feet.) I suppose that explains why my siblings and I are said to have "iron stomachs."

So each time I have a colonoscopy--usually every five years--an additional day of prep time is called for, basically.

When you get old, it's always nice to hear about things that are NOT wrong with you. "No cancer? Hey, thanks, doc!"
posted by kozad at 8:25 PM on February 29 [5 favorites]

The one thing that marred my experience of it was that I only got an 'average' for my prep score. Which is annoying as I followed the prep procedure to the letter.

Either my bowel doesn't clear as well as needed, or my gastroenterologist is a hard marker.
posted by Pouteria at 8:31 PM on February 29 [2 favorites]

3) All patients wore like a onesie with a butt flap. I kinda liked that.
posted by spamandkimchi

Sounds good. Lot better than those annoying flappy standard hospital gowns used here that you have to struggle with to keep you decent.

4) The endoscopy was immeasurably worse in my opinion.

Had two, and now on a regular schedule for them (coz Barrett's oesophagus, which I do not recommend). No trouble with them, apart from a slightly sore throat for a day or two.
posted by Pouteria at 8:42 PM on February 29 [1 favorite]

At the risk of being morbid, I recently lost a close relative to what turned out to be undiagnosed stage 4 colon cancer, partly because they avoided getting a colonoscopy well into their 60s. I'm so glad to see colonoscopies discussed so openly here, and I hope it encourages at least one person to get one.
Meanwhile, I'm now going to have to get these a whole lot more frequently than before, so the tips here are appreciated, even though I'm one of the weirdoes who kind of enjoys the prep.
posted by third word on a random page at 8:47 PM on February 29 [5 favorites]

hippybear, some thoughts regarding the prep options you were offered: I don't know the names of what you were offered, but here is what I do (and did) for previous preps:

SuTab prep, part 1: take the twelve tablets one at a time with a sip of water each time. Then drink 16 oz of water within the next 15 - 20 minutes. Wait one hour after taking the last tablet, and drink another 16 oz of water in a 30 minute period. Wait a half hour. Finally, drink 16 oz of water in a 30-minute period. So, total, 48 oz of water.
SuTab prep, part 2: repeat the same thing very very early on the day of your procedure. (Another 48 oz of water.)

The SuPrep liquid preparation is similar, also a two-part prep. Difference is that you take the prepared bottle 1 (of 2) of liquid prep in the package, pour it into the provided 16 oz plastic cup, and top it off with plain water to the fill line of the cup. Drink this 16 oz solution within the prescribed period (20 minutes or a half hour? I don't recall.) Then, if I recall correctly, you do the same schedule of drinking more water on the schedule listed above under SuTab.

You are still drinking a lot of liquid but I find that drinking plain water over two days is easier on me than drinking all Golytely or other gallon of solution.
posted by apartment dweller at 9:17 PM on February 29 [1 favorite]

I don't like being sedated so happily went without.

One of mine was done without sedation and was fine, but the time after I asked myself why I was declining a rather pleasant drugging?

I’ll never have another colonoscopy because after the last they removed my whole colon.
posted by Phanx at 9:25 PM on February 29 [4 favorites]

I have 5 (or 6) feet of colon in me?! What am I, some kind of House of Leaves?
posted by Don.Kinsayder at 9:47 PM on February 29 [3 favorites]

Huh. I'm going to ask about an unsedated colonoscopy. I hadn't even thought about doing that, and most of my anxieties about getting a colonoscopy have to do with the sedation, not the prep or the procedure.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 9:53 PM on February 29 [1 favorite]

Late to this party, but you'll forgive as I am 2 months into a 6 month course of chemo for stage 3 rectal cancer discovered at a coloscopy last year.
I'm a gatorade and miralax prepper, never use any anesthetic because it's less uncomfortable to just have it and drive home than to recover and need a driver. Downside is that i got a good look at my nasty polyp that required a separate surgery and then turned out cancerous and required yet another surgery to remove part of my bowel. Good thing is they are pretty sure that they got everything, and the chemo is just to guard against metastatic disease, but...chemo ain't no pick-a-nick.
Best I can say is there are worse things than a night on the toilet prepping.
posted by OHenryPacey at 9:56 PM on February 29 [27 favorites]

Huh. I'm going to ask about an unsedated colonoscopy.

The thing I forgot about the entire procedure that was the most unpleasant and made me wish I hadn't been sedated (Aside from wanting to watch the monitor) was when they inflated the colon. I was already getting goofy from the fentanyl and so each time they puffed it up I made a little henh-henh whiny self-soothe noise because it felt weird and considering my butt was already in exit mode I doubt I kept much of the air inside once I blacked out. There were no issues with the procedure - a few polyps removed, no danger - but it seemed counterintuitive to want me to hold the air in and then render me unconscious, maybe it would have been easier for them to do their job if I was not zonked out.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:12 PM on February 29

I know Millennials are all about being the first to have the Internet/Social Media while growing up, but I'm so thankful I have it while growing old.

Will probably take your gut a while to settle back down afterwards.

^^^THIS ^^^

I had my first colonoscopy in June of last year and I had no idea why I naively thought I'd be a-okay afterwards. I wasn't even hungry for a few days. I was a ducolax 2 nights before and miralax/gatorade day of girl. I'll also warn you that if your healthcare system has a robust portal, there's a chance you'll see photos of the inside of your colon when you log in to read your results. I was not prepared.

I wrote at length about it on my blog, links to posts in my MF bio.
posted by kimberussell at 5:21 AM on March 1 [4 favorites]

~the best fake sleep of your life
~QFT. The anesthesiologist told me that I was going to take a nice little nap and I apparently woke up telling everyone how I had just taken a nice little nap and continued to tell them that every 3 minutes for the next couple of hours.

I absolutely love getting put under, and I always thank the anesthesiologists right before they push the stuff to me. My wife gets absolutely freaked-out about seemingly blinking your eyes and losing an hour or so of your life. Personally, I think it’s kind of fun *shrugs*

I’ve had two (regularly scheduled) colonoscopies now, and am solidly (heh) on team Miralax-and-Gatorade as far as the prep goes. I guess any way you go, it’s not a fun experience. But, after the first one, you kind of know what to expect and it’s not such a shock to the sensibilities when you do another one.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:23 AM on March 1 [3 favorites]

My wife has a family history of Lynch syndrome so lucky her, she gets annual colonoscopies. In the past two years she has had 4, all of which went awry in different and wonderful ways. Hated the prep, could not stomach it, constant vomiting, mediocre prep, come back in 6 months. Poor prep, here’s another 4 liters of shit-your-brains-out juice, see you tomorrow, and plan to come back in 6 months. Tried the pills, poor prep, come back in 6 months. Oh snap, we found a polyp we couldn’t quite get, here’s another 4 liters, come back tomorrow when Dr. Expert Polyp Grabber is here to remove that one, see you in 6 months.

I was offered poop-on-a-stick or full colonoscopy. I went with the latter, out of solidarity. When prep day came, I causally gulped down the prep juice half a liter at a time, and all I got from my wife was “I hate you, why are you so good at this?” Dunno. Sucks that she can’t stomach it but has to go through it so regularly.

GI doc I work with prefers the poop-on-a-stick test. Not because it’s better, but because it is less invasive and cheaper, which means you could theoretically screen more people, more quickly, at younger ages. Better overall prevention metrics. But the US healthcare systems won’t get on board with that, because profits.
posted by caution live frogs at 5:39 AM on March 1 [3 favorites]

I am firmly on team give me those sweet sweet consciousness and memory begone drugs for the duration.

I close my eyes, then I open them, and it is all over.

What's not to like?
posted by Pouteria at 5:59 AM on March 1 [3 favorites]

What's not to like?

I have pretty bad social anxiety, and I really hate the idea of blabbering about whatever and then not remembering what I'd said. Truly nightmare fuel. But also, I don't have a spouse or partner, and all of my friends have 9-5 jobs. My insurance only covers a colonoscopy at one place, and that place requires you to have a driver, who must be there when you check in and wait there until you're done. I absolutely could ask someone to take off of work to go with me: I have two friends who have offered. But I would feel really weird about asking someone to eat half of a vacation day to take me to get a colonoscopy. If you don't do sedation, you can walk out on your own, or you can arrange for someone to pick you up, but they don't have to wait for hours in the waiting room.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 6:52 AM on March 1 [10 favorites]

phearlez: the appendix is at the other end of your colon from your anus, so it makes sense that a colonoscopy would potentially discover appendicitis. As far as I understand it, a colonscopy typically will show the opening of the appendix but not the inside.

I also found some papers going back and forth on whether colonoscopies increase the risk of appendicitis post-procedure, but from the evidence I skimmed it seems somewhat unclear.

Fun fact: most people's appendix is in the right lower abdominal quadrant, but some people's isn't! Intestinal malrotation is one example of non-standard anatomy that can put your appendix somewhere else in your abdomen.
posted by cnidaria at 7:53 AM on March 1 [3 favorites]

brainwane: I live for *all* your posts! Never change <3
posted by cnidaria at 7:54 AM on March 1 [6 favorites]

Here in Ontario they have you do an in-home poop collection

Also in Ontario. I believe at some point they were doing some research, so people were divided into different cohorts. I am on team 'scope (every 5 years), Mrs C is on team poop-on-a-stick (more frequent).

Medically, I'm Mr Average. I've had 3 colonoscopies now. The prep was annoying but tolerable. Apparently,
I did it ok all 3 times. The sedation was no problem (and welcome). I need no coaxing to fart.

It's worth it to get screened. Thanks to everyone here for the tips to make it more bearable.
posted by Artful Codger at 8:17 AM on March 1 [2 favorites]

Because I am an Old, and I had a 1/2 sister who died at 37 of colon cancer, I got my first colonoscopy at 35, and one every five years since. The first one was actually a sigmoidoscopy (a much less flexible tube with a camera, that can’t go as far up your colon). For that one, the doc had me visit him in his office later in the week -to apologize. Apparently, he didn’t realize that my colon made a sharp, twisty, u-turn, and he kept trying to force it. Which was apparently quite painful for me. I said that I *thought* I remembered screaming, but that it had been a dream. Nope, that was me, screaming during the procedure.
My next one was without incident, but by the time I got my next I was having really bad migraines. One of the triggers was dehydration. I got there for the procedure nearly weeping from migraine pain. The nurse took one look at me, pinched the skin on my hand and said “You poor thing. Let’s get some fluids into you right away.” IV fluids and in fifteen minutes no more migraine pain.
Since then, it’s just been really rushing to poop (pro tip - get some adult diapers if your bathroom is more than a couple steps from a comfy chair), and a sore butt-hole. Always good results on my scope, and no feedback (good or bad) on my prep.
posted by dbmcd at 8:44 AM on March 1 [2 favorites]

I had my first colonoscopy recently, and the doctor used the Gatorade/Miralax combo. The whole thing was nowhere near as bad as I expected. Sometimes it's a net positive to expect something to be horrible, and have it turn out to be just a mild pain in the rear.

Like others have recommended for the preparation: Get a bidet, get accustomed to using it (it's a great life hack in general, not just for colonoscopy prep). Get a good book to read. Acknowledge that this experience will be an insult your dignity, but only a brief one, and the people involved are the exact people who need a backdoor to your dignity from time to time.

When I awoke from my colonoscopy, the nurse who greeted me relayed the doctor's assessment, which was that my colon was "perfect." I was oddly touched.
posted by Hot Pastrami! at 8:50 AM on March 1 [10 favorites]

This is good shit
posted by Reasonably Everything Happens at 9:41 AM on March 1 [9 favorites]

MetaFilter: I need no coaxing to fart.
posted by wenestvedt at 10:23 AM on March 1 [3 favorites]

If you are nervous about the sedation and have a friend or partner you trust, they’ll probably let that person into the room with you so they can tell you what you said. My wife went with me and I just drifted off, easy peasy, even though I am an incessant talker. However, my pulse is naturally low (like 50, and I am not a fitness buff) , and with the sedation it went into the 30s or something and tripped the alarm! Luckily my wife is a nurse and was like, yeah, believe it or not that’s normalish for him.

The prep is gross but the procedure for most people is NBD.
posted by caviar2d2 at 11:14 AM on March 1 [1 favorite]

I am just *floored* everyone doing in-home collection isn't given a poop hat for their toilet. I haven't yet entered Colonoscopy Land, but I've had to collect a stool sample a few times, and each time the lab gave me one of these along with the test tube(s), Poop Specimen Stick, etc.
posted by epj at 12:13 PM on March 1 [2 favorites]

Nah, our stool collection kits are mailed to us in an envelope. If we get anything at all, it's a flimsy raft: a folded 30cm square of putatively flushable tissue one flops down in the bowl in the hope some of the bestowed blessing will remain above the waterline.
posted by seanmpuckett at 12:23 PM on March 1 [2 favorites]

I visited Colonoscopy Land in the spring and summer of 2022. I originally had an appointment for a colonoscopy just as Covid shut everything down and didn't get one until the spring of 2022, which found a bunch of polyps and a big old tumor. I drank a lot of Gravilyte that summer. They scheduled another colonoscopy to take out the non-cancerous polyps, which was cancelled after I was halfway through drinking the the prep solution so I had to do it all over a week later.Preparing for the cancer surgery also included drinking yet aonther jug of Gravilyte. THe good news is that the surgery seems to have taken care of the cancer, and my colon is now happy and clear, albeit a bit shorter.

Anyway, like a lot of folks I have found the procedure itself relatively painless but the prep is an ordeal and I appreciate all the hints on making it easier.
posted by gamera at 12:49 PM on March 1 [6 favorites]

I am just *floored* everyone doing in-home collection isn't given a poop hat for their toilet.

Yeah, the rack and cup thing I described from the Cologuard review is sort of like a DIY poop-hat with the cup being detachable so you can send them the whole ball of....poo. And can confirm it made the collection process a breeze.

(It also had the side bonus of making my father laugh uproariously when I described what the process for collection was.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:55 PM on March 1 [2 favorites]

If you wear the Poop Hat, you must complete the ensemble by carrying the Poop Knife (just one of many previouslies).
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:30 PM on March 1 [2 favorites]

I make a cling wrap shelf across the toilet bowl for my at-home tests.
posted by art.bikes at 2:52 PM on March 1 [1 favorite]

Tip at the top: Take warm socks. It was suggested in the prep instructions and I was happy I did because I was freezing during prep.

So today was propofol - Within seconds of feeling the coolness of the fluid flowing into the back of my hand I was _out_. Next thing I knew I was opening one eye not sure where I was; it was recovery. Two eyes open then some deep breaths and I was alert enough to wonder why the monitor was beeping (fingertip sensor dislodged). Never felt that I'd come through any kind of twilight or any 'consciousness without control'. I think I remember everything pretty well, from when I came to. Maybe 15 minutes before I was getting dressed and walking out.
posted by achrise at 3:20 PM on March 1 [4 favorites]

I make a cling wrap shelf across the toilet bowl for my at-home tests.

Alternately, saran-wrapping toilets is an old, old summer camp prank.
posted by hippybear at 3:38 PM on March 1 [5 favorites]

Re: the appendix - my report includes a picture of my appendiceal orifice which is one of three "landmarks" so it's right there.

For gastrointestinal endoscopists, the ileocecum is the finishing line during colonoscopy and it is identified by three endoscopic landmarks: terminal ileum, ileocecal valve, and the appendiceal orifice.

There's also Diseases of the appendix recognized during colonoscopy

The most frequently reported abnormalities are related to appendiceal neoplasms or intussusception. Interesting observations and new features of appendiceal regional abnormalities in acute appendicitis and ulcerative colitis are being described.

posted by achrise at 3:46 PM on March 1 [2 favorites]

Man, the last thing you ever want to find on a medical exam is "interesting observations and new features."
posted by mittens at 3:58 PM on March 1 [7 favorites]

In butt-related news, I made an appointment to go over my medical history with my physician today and during the course of that he saw that I had not actually had c. diff at all, but rather had a h. pylori infection, which led him to take the diarrhea I've had since 2017 (before I started seeing this doctor) seriously. And so now I have a stool collection kit.

FINALLY!!! OMG!

I've been mentioning this every second or third doctor's visit for SEVEN YEARS, but finally I'm getting some tests done.

So poop collecting next week and then butt camera in mid March... Beware the Anals Of March.
posted by hippybear at 4:12 PM on March 1 [6 favorites]

I have yet to get colonoscopied, but my wife gets her first one this Monday. Fingers crossed.

More relevantly, I have gathered poop-on-a-stick two years now. Each time, I call my designer friend who made the infographics for my HMO's poop-stick brochure to congratulate her.

This year, I saved the brochure, and designer-friend has promised that she will sign it. Then, the brochure will be nicely framed and hung above our toilet.

Next year, we'll get one framed for the other toilet.
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 7:02 PM on March 1 [5 favorites]

Next year, we'll get one framed for the other toilet.

"We think of ourselves as...collectors, as it were."
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:28 PM on March 1 [4 favorites]

I Feel the Need to Share, just a couple data points, and one "I didn't think this through" from the aftermath.
--
Prep: I was gagging by the sixth glass of the PEG, (drinking it cold didn't seem to help much) and was prepping all through the night for my morning scope. "Worst cocktails ever - can't even get an olive in this thing" was something I muttered somewhere around 11 at night.
--
Procedure: No problems with the sedation - out like a light, woke up well after it was done, any discomfort was from my OCD paper usage during the prep phase.
They did find a diverticulum, but nothing needing removing, which is good, because of family med history.
--
"I didn't think this through" aftermath:
After we got home, I begged my wife to order tacos for lunch.
They tasted delicious, I was starving, but within two hours, they were leaving at high speed from the other end, which I foolishly felt surprised by.
posted by Mutant Lobsters from Riverhead at 9:23 PM on March 1 [3 favorites]

[btw, this post has been added to the sidebar and Best Of blog!]
posted by taz (staff) at 2:51 AM on March 2 [6 favorites]

apartment dweller wrote:

I recommend the SuTab pill prep, if your doctor approves. My prescription plan D (Medicare) doesn't cover it, but you can go to the manufacturer's web page and get a coupon that brings the cost down to $50 (you have to affirm that this is being obtained outside your plan D).

I believe this is https://www.sutab.com/Savings.

If you don't have Medicare Part D, the form asks for your first and last names, state and ZIP code, and email address, so as to give you a "patient savings copay card" which you then present to your pharmacy. Then they cut the cost to $50 or $60, depending on your coverage. That page has eligibility criteria, a phone number (1-844-926-4140) to call with eligibility questions and a number to call (1-800-422-5604) with pharmacy processing questions, etc. Offer expires June 30, 2024.

And "If your Medicare prescription drug insurance does not cover SUTAB® or if your out-of-pocket costs exceed $50* for your Medicare Part D prescription of SUTAB®, Braintree Laboratories, a part of Sebela Pharmaceuticals may be able to help" with their "SUTAB® Medicare Part D Alternative Savings Program". Again, there's a form that asks you questions (first and last name, date of birth, state, Medicare Part D prescription plan name and member ID number) so it can generate an "enrollment card" for you to download and give to a retail pharmacist. Their phone number is 844-721-1400. That offer also requires that you buy by June 30th, 2024.

(Here's the example picture of a patient copay card and of the enrollment card, with a BIN, PCN, Group and Member ID, kind of akin to a pharmacy insurance card.)

More broadly:

If I understand correctly, in general, if you are in the US and you're paying a lot for a prescription drug, it's often worth it to look on the manufacturer's website for a co-pay card/discount coupon. There are possible changes coming that would decrease their availability (some background).
posted by brainwane at 4:15 AM on March 2 [2 favorites]

I get lightheaded and woozy if a meal is a few hours late, and I don't know how my body will respond to having only broth, jello, and gatorade for > 24 hrs.

Me too, and I felt terrible for at least a day afterwards, completely wrung out and headachey. I wasn't prepared for that.

I woke up a little during the procedure and could see my colon on the screen. I tried to use my pillow like a track pad and got really pissed I couldn't zoom in or move the camera around.

I was so upset the report said my prep wasn't complete (but good enough to proceed). I'd been pooping clear for hours. I have no idea how much more prepped I could be.
posted by Mavri at 4:28 AM on March 2 [1 favorite]

oh I also want to draw people's attention to the character I have seen a couple times here in Japan in contexts related to colonoscopies, because holy moly what a design
posted by DoctorFedora at 5:14 AM on March 2 [6 favorites]

There are possible changes coming that would decrease their availability

Practically worth an FPP on its own, if only to allow me to gripe and gripe about the importance of copay cards and allowing them to bring down ridiculously high deductibles.
posted by mittens at 5:25 AM on March 2 [5 favorites]

mittens please go ahead and post it!
posted by brainwane at 7:01 AM on March 2 [3 favorites]

During the prep&poop, forget about wearing underwear …pulling them down each time will lose you precious seconds. And wear a skirt or bathrobe to avoid even more millisecond-wasting clothes arranging. You’re home anyway, and not being seen by anybody.

I haven't had a colonoscopy, but I did have to do the same kind of prep two times for another sort of "scan your insides" procedure. I had to drink two liters of something with a vaguely lemon flavor that was horrible but not nauseating. Slightly contrary to this advice, I wore clothes, but I simply drank the stuff right there in the bathroom and brought a book to stay there for as long as it took. I really didn't want to have the "uh oh will I make it?" worries trying to get down the hall from the living room.

Me too, and I felt terrible for at least a day afterwards, completely wrung out and headachey. I wasn't prepared for that.

Same. I guessed it was from the long time fasting.
posted by Dip Flash at 7:51 AM on March 2 [1 favorite]

I've done the prep & had 4 colonoscopies so far. I always think of the scene in one of the Harry Potter books where Harry & Dumbledore row out to this island in the middle of an underground lake, & Dumbledore has to drink all the liquid out of this well, and he says at the beginning, "I'm going to do and say all kinds of things, but you have to help me drink all of the liquid!"

Sad to say, I still haven't found the horcrux.
posted by sneebler at 8:28 AM on March 2 [3 favorites]

I have a very small stomach due to bariatric surgery. I'm approaching 50 in the next year and I'm guessing it's time. There's no way I could down a gallon of liquid. I'm not looking forward to this at all. I should ask the bariatrics team at my annual this month about it.
posted by kathrynm at 12:52 PM on March 2

I picked up my jug of prep today, a couple of weeks ahead of time. Now I have an object to meditate upon while I read these instructions over and over.
posted by hippybear at 3:16 PM on March 2 [2 favorites]

I've had one, probably about due for my next since I'll hit the big six-oh this spring. I had the same experience as a lot of people; one thing that helped me stay focused on it was watching a few minutes of a YouTube video of a colonoscopy in which the person didn't do the prep, and boy, was it nasty. My first and only time under general anesthetic and had the "I blinked and it was an hour later" experience. Didn't enjoy giving myself the shits deliberately, but I still have the tumbler that came with the prep stuff and use it all the time.
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:47 AM on March 3

I had my first and so far only colonoscopy at 19

as I recall, it was lights out, then I woke up for a second and saw my tubes on the screen and said “it’s like the magic school bus” then I woke up in recovery

10/10 would repeat except for the part where I’d already been on a gluten free diet so now my celiac diagnosis status is forever inconclusive because no fucking way I’m making myself that sick again just to get butt evidence

so maybe 9.5/10
posted by cabbage raccoon at 2:11 PM on March 3 [3 favorites]

Huh, I keep forgetting that general anesthesia for a colonoscopy is apparently the norm in at least some places other than Here

The funny thing is that outside of feeling a little weird, I didn’t actually find the non-anesthetized colonoscopy experience particularly unpleasant
posted by DoctorFedora at 4:04 PM on March 3 [1 favorite]

My father was getting non-asleep colonoscopy procedures because they weren't offered, but then later they were offered and he much prefers the asleep kind.
posted by hippybear at 4:29 PM on March 3

Update: my wife's colonoscopy went fine this morning, and she passed the test.
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 4:39 PM on March 4 [11 favorites]

Glad your wife’s procedure went well! I had mine this morning and it also went fine. I elected not to be sedated, which is definitely not the norm here. It raised a few eyebrows, but other staff members shared stories of their own procedures without sedation, so we were like a little clique of intrepid explorers. I will need another one in 3 years, and will do it the same way. It was fascinating watching everything in real time. Not fun, but not nearly as unpleasant as people seem to think it is.
posted by TedW at 10:07 AM on March 12 [2 favorites]

Mine is approaching on Monday. I have enough anxiety at this point in my life that I will be happy for the sedation. Before the anxiety took over I would probably have been curious to experience it. So bravo to you, TedW, for going that route. It's certainly actually safer insofar as we have no idea how sedation works and sometimes it can't be undone.
posted by hippybear at 11:43 AM on March 12 [1 favorite]

Honestly I had an unsedated colonoscopy a few months ago and it was basically no big deal. It felt a little weird because of the amount of camera tube being inserted (it felt like… pooping in reverse?) but they lubed that bad boy up enough that it was never even particularly unpleasant. The hours of drinking the prep solution all morning beforehand were far worse.
posted by DoctorFedora at 3:02 PM on March 12 [1 favorite]

And now I've been told I get to do "extended prep", for reasons that have not been explained to me. So instead of just drinking the giant jug of stuff, I get to start taking TWO laxatives the day before that.

I haven't had a solid bowel movement in something like seven years after a bout of h. pylori. I don't know why I'm being sentenced to this extra day of hell.
posted by hippybear at 3:53 PM on March 14 [1 favorite]

If anyone is reading this anymore, I'm wondering what people have done for the liquid diet part? Since I'm doing "extended prep" I'm going to start the liquid diet with dinner tomorrow evening and that's a long time to be drinking chicken broth. So... suggestions?
posted by hippybear at 5:50 PM on March 15 [1 favorite]

Gatorade is my go-to. Supplement with popsicles, light-colored herbal teas, broth, Jell-O and gummi bears. Not the red or orange ones. And god, not the sugar-free Haribos, I can't imagine what would happen if those got combined with a colonoscopy cleanse.

Good luck, man. You've got this. Enjoy the brief moment between the start of the propofol and unconsciousness, it's truly delicious.
posted by MrVisible at 8:29 PM on March 15

I'll be going in for a couple of days of liquid diet so I'll be doing a lot of broth to keep myself with a minimum of actual nutrition happening. At least for the first day or so.

I had pancreatitis a while back and was weeks on a liquid diet and lost an amazing amount of weight even while striving to take in as much as possible. I'm glad this will only be a couple of days. I really am not a frame with a bunch of weight to lose.
posted by hippybear at 8:33 PM on March 15

Yeah, a couple of days is pretty easy. I'll often take a day or two off of food when my Crohn's disease is getting bad, so I keep the Gatorade stocked. These days when I do colonoscopy prep I don't bother with anything but Gatorade, my digestive system is usually too busy with other stuff to want to ingest much.

Make sure you have plenty of stuff to do while actually on the toilet, though. That's my biggest tip. You're gonna be living there for a while. Hopefully you've got a DS or a SteamDeck or something to keep your mind off stuff. It's simultaneously boring, disgusting, tedious, and uncomfortable. Games help.

Seriously, I've been through this so many times that the worst part for me is asking my friend to give up an afternoon to cart me back and forth. Oh, here's a pro tip. Your gastroenterologist is going to want to talk to you about your results when you're barely conscious after the procedure. It can be really helpful to have someone you trust there to remember what was said and ask questions. The doc will usually give you a report with the results then too, so it's not too big a deal.

And have something mild but delicious ready to eat when you're done. Food is so good afterwards.
posted by MrVisible at 8:53 PM on March 15 [1 favorite]

It's simultaneously boring, disgusting, tedious, and uncomfortable. Games help.

Oh, like, honest to god, you have no idea what my daily life is like. I'm regularly up at 3am for an early toilet round and then after officially waking up after 6 I'm often on the toilet 3-4 or more times for the next couple of hours, often with my body overreacting to the stimulus from my rectum with way too much shaking and sweating and often howling with pain. Because PTSD/anxiety combined with intense body input is fun.

I don't know why it isn't always like that... but it can quite often be.

So, I have Tetris on my phone, and also a bunch of those "Free Money" bingo games. Which I never plan on giving any money to, but they let you play for free and slowly build up stuff and maybe... maybe... at some point I can convert all my "Bonus Dollars" into actual winnings and then cash out...

Buit mainly the joy of those bonus games are they give you a TON of called numbers each game, each worth a tiny dopamine hit. Like, I don't even care what the end result is, they're 1m30s timed matches that are quite fast paced and involved. They've been helping me a LOT lately during a lot of my health problems.

But so, yes... I will consider figuring out some games or a book for something. I spend so much time on the toilet already, you can't imagine. I'm actually hoping this finds something wrong with me so I can have diagnosis and move toward a cure. #exhausted
posted by hippybear at 9:02 PM on March 15 [1 favorite]

Oh, man, I have been there. Sweating and shaking on the toilet, wondering what the hell was wrong with me, three in the fucking morning trying not to scream... yeah. As to what was wrong with me, it turned out to be Crohn's disease. Oh, plus painful hernias. Fun times. But I cycled through a bunch of biologics until I found Stelara, and got a bunch of surgeries done, and now things are pretty much under control. Kind of. But at least I know what's wrong, it was the uncertainty that was the worst.

I have a strategy game I play on my PC when things are bad and my head is all fuzzy. I have over a thousand hours in it at this point. My little heroes have entire personalities and backstories. (Sorceror King: Rivals, in case you were wondering.) But definitely stick with the Tetris, studies have shown it can keep traumatic experiences from adding to the trauma load, weirdly enough.

And if you're looking for some light reading, I've recently become well versed in the wonderful world of gay romance novels. Let me know what kind of stuff you usually enjoy reading, and I'll point you in the direction of some ridiculously fun books.
posted by MrVisible at 9:12 PM on March 15 [2 favorites]

Thank you. I feel seen in a way I haven't before. and I need that. Even without this approaching butt camera, just you saying that... Thank you.
posted by hippybear at 9:24 PM on March 15 [1 favorite]

Sure thing, any time. I always enjoy seeing your perspective around here, and I'm glad I could help. Let me know if you need anything.
posted by MrVisible at 9:32 PM on March 15

Okay, well, since I've been overly confessional in this thread so far, I'll just report I finished the first half of my prep and it was rather unremarkable. The Mio Lemonade flavor is perfect for overcoming the backtaste of the prep solution, and I was surprised at how mechanical it is, with ounces going in and coming out seemingly within a 10 minute period.

I'm glad taking in the prep isn't a problem. If it had the wrong texture, I'd be completely unable to drink it and would be gagging. But it's not unpleasant. And, as I said, surprisingly mechanical.
posted by hippybear at 7:28 PM on March 17 [2 favorites]

I followed this thread closely because I had one scheduled for the 13th and figured I'd report back. The prep wasn't nearly as bad as the sleep deprivation, honestly, between the having to run to the bathroom half the night and having to wake up 6 hours before my 9am procedure to drink the second half of the prep (yes I was drinking Gatorade and Miralax at 3am). Luckily once I got to the colonoscopy place I had a nice nap.

The procedure found a rare and maybe-scary neuroendocrine tumor which they removed but I have to go back and get an abdominal CT this coming Monday and then a flexible sigmoidoscopy in July... I'm not sure if this thing would have been caught with the poopmail screening so I'm very grateful I did it! There's a large possibility they got it early and got all of it which would have been much less likely a couple years from now.

Get your colonoscopies, folks!
posted by biblioPHL at 6:41 AM on March 28 [8 favorites]

Follow your doc's orders, but: The evidence is clear: A liquid-only diet before a colonoscopy is unnecessary
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 8:19 AM on March 29

« Older Point & Shoot & Rock & Roll & Rise... | Every generation gets The Crow they deserve Newer »

This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments

Colonoscopy strategies February 29, 2024 9:58 AM Subscribe

Tags

Share

Colonoscopy strategies
February 29, 2024 9:58 AM Subscribe