The Gender Refugees
March 15, 2024 7:07 AM Subscribe
The Riverfront Times in St. Louis has a similar story, about LGBTQ+ people moving across the river into Illinois to get away from Missouri anti-LGBTQ+ politics.
Red State Refugees: Fed-Up St. Louisans Are Fleeing Missouri for Illinois
posted by gc at 7:56 AM on March 15 [7 favorites]
Red State Refugees: Fed-Up St. Louisans Are Fleeing Missouri for Illinois
posted by gc at 7:56 AM on March 15 [7 favorites]
I am not delighted that "those people" have finally found their golden political wedge issue that will drive people out of their states, in order to turn their states perma-red by concentrating votes. But more importantly, I am incensed that people's actual, real lives are being put at actual, real risk to do it. It's not some abstract political play—it's very real, very imminent threats to human lives.
And that shit is horrifying. They aren't merely chasing people away. They're attacking them, literally, until they flee to safety.
posted by majick at 8:01 AM on March 15 [32 favorites]
And that shit is horrifying. They aren't merely chasing people away. They're attacking them, literally, until they flee to safety.
posted by majick at 8:01 AM on March 15 [32 favorites]
I'm trans and in the UK. The government here just banned the use of puberty blockers for trans children and the anti-trans culture war is getting more vicious by the day. I don't feel safe wearing my trans pride t-shirts when I go out.
I wish it felt like there was anywhere worth fleeing to.
posted by fight or flight at 8:10 AM on March 15 [40 favorites]
I wish it felt like there was anywhere worth fleeing to.
posted by fight or flight at 8:10 AM on March 15 [40 favorites]
I'm relatively senior at a big financial institution, and we have large numbers of employees in a number of red states that either have or are in the process of passing hateful laws like this. I'm thankful that we are taking a very employee-focused approach, and putting in place contingency plans to move employees that are impacted by these laws. I'm thankful that personally I'm already in a 'safe' city and state, for whatever that's worth right now, but my heart goes out to all the people and families that are having their literal lives threatened by hate.
posted by Thysania at 9:12 AM on March 15 [15 favorites]
posted by Thysania at 9:12 AM on March 15 [15 favorites]
I’ve got one friend who left Austin for Spokane, and another family that’s planning to relocate to New Mexico. It’s real.
posted by adamrice at 9:21 AM on March 15 [8 favorites]
posted by adamrice at 9:21 AM on March 15 [8 favorites]
Eight years ago we moved out of North Dakota, just a couple miles east to Minnesota -- at that time we were relieved to be away from their red politics, but holy cow we've been more proud of Minnesota in the meantime.
Although this is a relatively largeish city, in a largeish metropolitan area, several of my neighbors had signs up for the really gross anti-gay, anti-trans school board candidates, who ran as a bloc (but were soundly defeated), so there's still a lot of them around, the ones quietly voting that way, versus the people who have their "TRUMP 2020" signs still up but with the "Pence" part cut off. We've also changed our shopping habits to try to not shop on the North Dakota side of the border, every little bit of not contributing to them is a positive step.
In my return to college, I'm also delighted at how many trans people I cross paths on a regular basis. Who could have a problem with people living they way they want? It's absurd.
posted by AzraelBrown at 9:34 AM on March 15 [12 favorites]
Although this is a relatively largeish city, in a largeish metropolitan area, several of my neighbors had signs up for the really gross anti-gay, anti-trans school board candidates, who ran as a bloc (but were soundly defeated), so there's still a lot of them around, the ones quietly voting that way, versus the people who have their "TRUMP 2020" signs still up but with the "Pence" part cut off. We've also changed our shopping habits to try to not shop on the North Dakota side of the border, every little bit of not contributing to them is a positive step.
In my return to college, I'm also delighted at how many trans people I cross paths on a regular basis. Who could have a problem with people living they way they want? It's absurd.
posted by AzraelBrown at 9:34 AM on March 15 [12 favorites]
It's a nice story and I'm happy for them, but it really just highlights for me the 100x people who can't just leave, because of job, health, family, age, disability, etc etc etc. Trans flight is real, yes, but trans stuck-in-hell is also real.
posted by seanmpuckett at 9:41 AM on March 15 [34 favorites]
posted by seanmpuckett at 9:41 AM on March 15 [34 favorites]
I think about a conscientious teenager worrying that if they come out, it will "make" their family "have to" move, and, God, the cruelty is soul-killing.
posted by praemunire at 9:52 AM on March 15 [42 favorites]
posted by praemunire at 9:52 AM on March 15 [42 favorites]
the brother of a friend of mine is moving to chicago with his family from texas because his child is trans.
at the end of this there will be no truth and reconciliation commission, no consequences for those that promoted and then inflamed this toxic, vile moral panic, and no justice in favor of the refugees.
and when it is over the trans-agnostic reactionary liberals will pretend they didn't look away and stand aside; those who were just asking questions (isn't it dangerous and unproven?) and pondered about trans children's lives (transition care--is it like tobacco and tattoos?). after all, they did say something! no niemöllers were they, because they were just so concerned about kids they never knew or spoke to or cared about, even as they happily listened when told to overlook every single thing these kids and parents said.
posted by i used to be someone else at 10:03 AM on March 15 [31 favorites]
at the end of this there will be no truth and reconciliation commission, no consequences for those that promoted and then inflamed this toxic, vile moral panic, and no justice in favor of the refugees.
and when it is over the trans-agnostic reactionary liberals will pretend they didn't look away and stand aside; those who were just asking questions (isn't it dangerous and unproven?) and pondered about trans children's lives (transition care--is it like tobacco and tattoos?). after all, they did say something! no niemöllers were they, because they were just so concerned about kids they never knew or spoke to or cared about, even as they happily listened when told to overlook every single thing these kids and parents said.
posted by i used to be someone else at 10:03 AM on March 15 [31 favorites]
Just a reminder that even "blue states" are mostly "red land with blue cities," by way of NY's Nassau County, with which the NYCLU has gotten involved.
posted by uncleozzy at 10:33 AM on March 15 [10 favorites]
posted by uncleozzy at 10:33 AM on March 15 [10 favorites]
I live in a state that is reliably safe for trans people.
Someone I know threatened to kick their 16 year old out of the house if they started hormones.
The kid reached out through mutuals to get in touch with my partner for coffee and life advice. It's a very delicate conversation, and TBH really hard for me to know what the right approach is.
The kid seems resigned to wait until they're 18, although they're sad they won't go to college presenting as their gender.
posted by constraint at 10:41 AM on March 15 [8 favorites]
Someone I know threatened to kick their 16 year old out of the house if they started hormones.
The kid reached out through mutuals to get in touch with my partner for coffee and life advice. It's a very delicate conversation, and TBH really hard for me to know what the right approach is.
The kid seems resigned to wait until they're 18, although they're sad they won't go to college presenting as their gender.
posted by constraint at 10:41 AM on March 15 [8 favorites]
Just a reminder that even "blue states" are mostly "red land with blue cities,"
Yes, thank you. The entire country is purple.
My state used to elect both Republicans and Democrats, but depopulation resulted the percentages of urban versus rural voters changing. The same people are largely voting Republican and Democrat, but because of population shift, the state has become solid, bloody red in my lifetime.
This did have impact on my life, but day-to-day my experience wasn't that different between blue and red states, since I've only ever lived in college towns. Like, I didn't have access to health care because the state government refused to pass Medicare expansion, but I wasn't too worried about being harassed in the street if I didn't present feminine enough. The city is blue, the rural areas are red.
And I didn't worry too much about active persecution if I remained in the city, just absolute state neglect. Until recently I could look at the extreme, hateful shit that Republicans in my state wanted to pass and think, "they'll try, but it will be stopped in the federal courts." Not anymore. The brakes are coming off, and it's going to be bad.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 12:37 PM on March 15 [8 favorites]
Yes, thank you. The entire country is purple.
My state used to elect both Republicans and Democrats, but depopulation resulted the percentages of urban versus rural voters changing. The same people are largely voting Republican and Democrat, but because of population shift, the state has become solid, bloody red in my lifetime.
This did have impact on my life, but day-to-day my experience wasn't that different between blue and red states, since I've only ever lived in college towns. Like, I didn't have access to health care because the state government refused to pass Medicare expansion, but I wasn't too worried about being harassed in the street if I didn't present feminine enough. The city is blue, the rural areas are red.
And I didn't worry too much about active persecution if I remained in the city, just absolute state neglect. Until recently I could look at the extreme, hateful shit that Republicans in my state wanted to pass and think, "they'll try, but it will be stopped in the federal courts." Not anymore. The brakes are coming off, and it's going to be bad.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 12:37 PM on March 15 [8 favorites]
This isn't just about red/blue/purple. Think of all the energy that's going into fighting these bills as they make their way through the system, fighting the laws once they're passed, trying to get the DoJ involved, needing to organize fundraisers and moves. It's a massive drain on energy that could be making the world better in new ways instead of fighting a defensive hold-the-line. My righteous anger for these people knows no bounds.
posted by kokaku at 12:50 PM on March 15 [17 favorites]
posted by kokaku at 12:50 PM on March 15 [17 favorites]
I’ve got one friend who left Austin for Spokane
Spokane is lovely; I've been here over 20 years. But wow, that's a culture shock. Spokane has NOTHING like any of the groovy scenes that Austin would have.
posted by hippybear at 1:06 PM on March 15 [2 favorites]
Spokane is lovely; I've been here over 20 years. But wow, that's a culture shock. Spokane has NOTHING like any of the groovy scenes that Austin would have.
posted by hippybear at 1:06 PM on March 15 [2 favorites]
It's so fucking depressing to see parts of the country continue to spiral down into fascism and hate, and the rest holding the line but under attack. And of course that stuff doesn't stay put; moving is a solution for a while as an individual, but if we don't beat enough of these fuckers in November, nowhere will be safe.
I don't know how or if I could get my daughter out of the country, or if she would be safe if I did. I try not to think about it too much because it's terrifying.
posted by emjaybee at 1:28 PM on March 15 [9 favorites]
I don't know how or if I could get my daughter out of the country, or if she would be safe if I did. I try not to think about it too much because it's terrifying.
posted by emjaybee at 1:28 PM on March 15 [9 favorites]
I don’t ever feel super comfortable giving a whole lot of on-the-nose specifics about myself in one place online, but I moved out of the US last year, in part because the writing on the wall was becoming too large and alarming. While I’m cis myself, I had the luxury now, I know too many people who might need a guest room in the next few years, and I know I’m just a little further down the list in any case. Without even trying (I’m introverted bordering on hermitlike) I already have multiple LGBTQ friends who specifically decided it wasn’t a good idea to live in the US anymore.
I’ve got some struggles, but not related to anything political, and the idea I might have to come back and subject myself to the multiple chronic toxicities of the US again is now a bit terrifying. Sometimes absence just makes the heart notice even more clearly how fucked up things were at home. Right-wing populism is alarmingly ascendant everywhere, in part because the propaganda meant to influence reactionary American morons goes everywhere, and there are reactionary morons everywhere, but it’s just nowhere near as advanced as the US’ terrifying death-spiral into fascism.
I don’t want to mislead you, there’s a lot of paperwork and other bureaucratic bullshit that will threaten your sanity. Expatriating is never going to be easy, but it is possible and there are definitely better and safer places you could be.
posted by gelfin at 3:47 PM on March 15 [5 favorites]
I’ve got some struggles, but not related to anything political, and the idea I might have to come back and subject myself to the multiple chronic toxicities of the US again is now a bit terrifying. Sometimes absence just makes the heart notice even more clearly how fucked up things were at home. Right-wing populism is alarmingly ascendant everywhere, in part because the propaganda meant to influence reactionary American morons goes everywhere, and there are reactionary morons everywhere, but it’s just nowhere near as advanced as the US’ terrifying death-spiral into fascism.
I don’t want to mislead you, there’s a lot of paperwork and other bureaucratic bullshit that will threaten your sanity. Expatriating is never going to be easy, but it is possible and there are definitely better and safer places you could be.
posted by gelfin at 3:47 PM on March 15 [5 favorites]
Two friends of mine expatriated to Barcelona and it was apparently one of the most trying experiences of their lives, mostly due to the Spanish Embassy in San Francisco not answering any attempt at contact for months at a time. They did finally get there after spending something like 10 months homeless because they'd sold their home thinking they would have a visa soon, but it wasn't easy on them at all.
posted by hippybear at 3:50 PM on March 15
posted by hippybear at 3:50 PM on March 15
And I guess I will note, I don't know if this is still the case, but when i first moved here 20 years ago and was writing for the local gay newspaper and doing stuff quite actively in the community, Spokane was known as a city with a lot of trans people, like more than other cities of the same size. And they really drove a lot of the LGBTQ community that was happening back then, much of which has since gone away and been replaced in various ways.
I'm very outside of all of that these days, so I don't know entirely what is going on. But that was the case back then.
posted by hippybear at 6:18 PM on March 15
I'm very outside of all of that these days, so I don't know entirely what is going on. But that was the case back then.
posted by hippybear at 6:18 PM on March 15
hippybear, I think it's astonishing how things have gotten worse rather than better in the past few years (and oddly, in some ways, worse since back then, maybe because of visibility?).
I've got a friend in Alabama who never thought he'd be fighting for human rights, and found himself a few years ago protesting at the state capital to defend his own trans daughter's right to healthcare and identity - and it's only gotten worse for the since, I assume.
I've got a much younger relative in Oklahoma ('back home' for me) that no doubt will have a heck of a time getting healthcare if she transitions medically.
And, of course, I can't go visit my folks there - it's not safe. Same's true of Florida, where I might have to beg off attending a launch of my own satellite.
But I was lucky enough to come at my transition from a position of some privilege, at least financially. It was Obama-era healthcare changes that made my insurance cover things. My Zoomer friends who aren't even out of their parent's healthcare coverage? Transition is out of reach for many, even in a sanctuary state like where I live.
The world seems a lot less safe for my kind of folks than it did when I came out seven years ago, and I don't see a great path to safety for all of us, unless we get a lot of help from allies.
posted by Flight Hardware, do not touch at 6:23 PM on March 15 [8 favorites]
I've got a friend in Alabama who never thought he'd be fighting for human rights, and found himself a few years ago protesting at the state capital to defend his own trans daughter's right to healthcare and identity - and it's only gotten worse for the since, I assume.
I've got a much younger relative in Oklahoma ('back home' for me) that no doubt will have a heck of a time getting healthcare if she transitions medically.
And, of course, I can't go visit my folks there - it's not safe. Same's true of Florida, where I might have to beg off attending a launch of my own satellite.
But I was lucky enough to come at my transition from a position of some privilege, at least financially. It was Obama-era healthcare changes that made my insurance cover things. My Zoomer friends who aren't even out of their parent's healthcare coverage? Transition is out of reach for many, even in a sanctuary state like where I live.
The world seems a lot less safe for my kind of folks than it did when I came out seven years ago, and I don't see a great path to safety for all of us, unless we get a lot of help from allies.
posted by Flight Hardware, do not touch at 6:23 PM on March 15 [8 favorites]
Here in Spokane the dissolving of the community started about 15 years ago when one of the giant withdrawals of advertising from print to online killed the free gay paper that was a mainstay of local queer news. There were a few other rounds of things that went on that I won't go into in detail, but part of that involved having the gay community center closing, which was a huge blow...
I really need to try to reconnect with the local queer community. I was so very involved a couple of decades ago and have lost all of that. Maybe if I can refind some measure of that, it will be good for me.
posted by hippybear at 6:28 PM on March 15 [9 favorites]
I really need to try to reconnect with the local queer community. I was so very involved a couple of decades ago and have lost all of that. Maybe if I can refind some measure of that, it will be good for me.
posted by hippybear at 6:28 PM on March 15 [9 favorites]
While I can understand a concern about differences in privilege between different members of marginalized groups under attack, please avoid attacking those very groups.
Victim-shaming is not the answer. These families fleeing states are refugees, and need to be treated as such. They're doing what they can to get their kids to safety.
posted by Flight Hardware, do not touch at 6:32 PM on March 15 [22 favorites]
Victim-shaming is not the answer. These families fleeing states are refugees, and need to be treated as such. They're doing what they can to get their kids to safety.
posted by Flight Hardware, do not touch at 6:32 PM on March 15 [22 favorites]
Nice to know so many who can afford to will be abandoning those who cannot in their hour of need.
fuck this crab bucket type shit.
posted by i used to be someone else at 7:55 PM on March 15 [17 favorites]
fuck this crab bucket type shit.
posted by i used to be someone else at 7:55 PM on March 15 [17 favorites]
Thirding the above sentiments.
I'm stuck in Texas for the foreseeable future, and I wish those who are getting out nothing but the best.
posted by Tabitha Someday at 8:33 PM on March 15 [4 favorites]
I'm stuck in Texas for the foreseeable future, and I wish those who are getting out nothing but the best.
posted by Tabitha Someday at 8:33 PM on March 15 [4 favorites]
If anyone needs a place to crash when they get to Portland, hit me up in the DMs.
posted by Scattercat at 9:32 PM on March 15
posted by Scattercat at 9:32 PM on March 15
Mod note: One removed for attacking fellow members and victim-shaming, and several removed as an extended extreme derail.
posted by taz (staff) at 12:16 AM on March 16 [3 favorites]
posted by taz (staff) at 12:16 AM on March 16 [3 favorites]
"They're coming for us next!" is such a reassuring thing for trans people to hear.
I'm proud to be a canary in this particular rainbow coal mine. Really.
🏳️🌈
posted by She Vaped An Entire Sock! at 3:59 AM on March 16 [9 favorites]
I'm proud to be a canary in this particular rainbow coal mine. Really.
🏳️🌈
posted by She Vaped An Entire Sock! at 3:59 AM on March 16 [9 favorites]
All that I can reasonably say to that is: They're coming for everyone who isn't them next. That might sound alarmist, but that's literally how this shit works. There are people right now who need help because they are bearing the brunt of this attack this very moment, and they will not be the last—not only do they need help now, everyone will need them, too.
posted by majick at 4:15 PM on March 17 [3 favorites]
posted by majick at 4:15 PM on March 17 [3 favorites]
The "us" tells a story about who is and isn't an other here.
posted by She Vaped An Entire Sock! at 4:51 PM on March 17 [6 favorites]
posted by She Vaped An Entire Sock! at 4:51 PM on March 17 [6 favorites]
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It's horrifying. They're attempting to criminalize the mainstream consensus on healthcare for kids because they know that stoking fear and bigotry wins votes when all they have to show is policy failure after policy failure. People are going to die - not just from suicide, but we are also marching toward something much darker and bloodier. It doesn't take much to see Republicans arguing that adults who support trans kids are sex offenders, and that people who commit sex crimes against children should be put to death, and connect the dots.
I've made the choice to stay because I have family I need to be with and because we're safe for now - none of us are trans. I'm aroace, so my queerness flies under the radar for the most part. I also live in a college town where it's still common to see various pride flags, etc. But damn, if I had a queer kid I would be doing my best to get out.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 7:44 AM on March 15 [31 favorites]