“It’s really a strange town.”
May 16, 2024 1:38 AM Subscribe
There was allure beyond negation. Branson’s geo-cultural attributes—not quite the Midwest or the South or Appalachia yet also all three; a region of old European settlement but also westward expansion; perched above whatever modest altitude turned the soil to junk and predestined the land for poor Scots-Irish pastoralists; in a slave state with the largest anti-Union guerrilla campaign of the Civil War but little practical use for slavery—invite an unmistakable imaginative allegiance. This is the aspiration and the apparition that the novelist Joseph O’Neill has termed Primordial America, the “buried, residual homeland—the patria that would be exposed if the USA were to dissolve.” “Wherever they hail from,” 60 Minutes’ Morley Safer went on, “they feel they are the Heartland.” No matter the innate fuzziness, Real America in this formula is white, Christian, and prizes independence from the state. It is atavistic, not reactionary. from The Branson Pilgrim by Rafil Kroll-Zaidi [Harper's; ungated]
My son-in-law’s parents love Branson. They’ve dropped the idea of all of us going some day, and it’s kind of an awkward moment where you don’t want to go “oh, hell no” but you still need to not insult them.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:46 AM on May 16 [11 favorites]
posted by Thorzdad at 5:46 AM on May 16 [11 favorites]
My wife and I spent most of a day there, maybe 10 years ago. We were goggle-eyed the whole time: people enjoy this on purpose? Later on, when friends asked about it, she said it was the mirror world of Gen X: a place entirely devoid of intentional irony. I can't imagine what it's like after almost a whole decade of Golden Toilet shitting all over our culture.
posted by outgrown_hobnail at 5:46 AM on May 16 [7 favorites]
posted by outgrown_hobnail at 5:46 AM on May 16 [7 favorites]
Thorzdad: should you actually find yourself there, Silver Dollar City is fun.
As a born and raised Missourian, it was always kind of inevitable that you ended up in Branson once or twice as a kid. It’s very cheesy, and when you’re a kid there’s no lack of awareness of how many people there are wearing parody-but-sincere Jesus shirts and now, I’m sure, blue lives matters shirts too. It’s stifling when you’re young and queer and unsure of yourself.
But we all could agree that Silver Dollar City was fun.
posted by gc at 5:59 AM on May 16 [19 favorites]
As a born and raised Missourian, it was always kind of inevitable that you ended up in Branson once or twice as a kid. It’s very cheesy, and when you’re a kid there’s no lack of awareness of how many people there are wearing parody-but-sincere Jesus shirts and now, I’m sure, blue lives matters shirts too. It’s stifling when you’re young and queer and unsure of yourself.
But we all could agree that Silver Dollar City was fun.
posted by gc at 5:59 AM on May 16 [19 favorites]
I grew up in Missouri, but I've only been to Branson once. I was managing a restaurant in Columbia, MO and one of our vendors was having a big food expo down in Branson. He invited us (my wife and I and another manager) down and gave us a free hotel room for the event. The expo was fun (for a food vendor convention anyway) but we ventured out into greater Branson looking for wilder fun. Branson is such a boring, milquetoast town, just an endless strip mall style town except everything is giant theaters. We found the one dive bar in town and played pinball for hours and I set the grand champion score on their LOTR pinball machine. I'll never go back willingly.
posted by schyler523 at 6:00 AM on May 16 [8 favorites]
posted by schyler523 at 6:00 AM on May 16 [8 favorites]
I have to confess that upon reading this, I kinda want to go? It sounds utterly bizarre and surreal.
posted by Kitteh at 6:20 AM on May 16 [9 favorites]
posted by Kitteh at 6:20 AM on May 16 [9 favorites]
Wasn't there some kind of tie-in with Precious Moments in Branson for a while? I have not been to Branson, but I visited the Precious Moments chapel on a road trip and saw something to that effect and thought "that tracks, yeah".
The chapel seems to have scaled things back though (they had a whole on-site wedding venue when I visited, but that seems to have been abandoned), and maybe the Branson thing was also something they gave up.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:24 AM on May 16 [2 favorites]
The chapel seems to have scaled things back though (they had a whole on-site wedding venue when I visited, but that seems to have been abandoned), and maybe the Branson thing was also something they gave up.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:24 AM on May 16 [2 favorites]
Elvis continues to live, into ripe middle age and beyond, and becomes a man he never was. (Branson’s John Denver tribute artist, by the time he made it a dozen years beyond Denver’s, had taken up federal wire fraud.)
Do go on...
posted by RonButNotStupid at 6:42 AM on May 16 [5 favorites]
Do go on...
posted by RonButNotStupid at 6:42 AM on May 16 [5 favorites]
What passes as Real America is as atavistic as a PT Cruiser.
I read this too fast and saw "PT Barnum" instead of "PT Cruiser." I think the sentiment remains the same
posted by thecjm at 6:42 AM on May 16 [6 favorites]
I read this too fast and saw "PT Barnum" instead of "PT Cruiser." I think the sentiment remains the same
posted by thecjm at 6:42 AM on May 16 [6 favorites]
So we doing this JD Vance shit again now that the 2024 election is on the horizon?
The 90s Simpsons reference in this article was a nice touch; nostalgic pop culture references will make the liberal millennials kick at Lucy's football and to try understanding and compromising with rural white conservatism yet again.
posted by AlSweigart at 6:44 AM on May 16 [5 favorites]
The 90s Simpsons reference in this article was a nice touch; nostalgic pop culture references will make the liberal millennials kick at Lucy's football and to try understanding and compromising with rural white conservatism yet again.
posted by AlSweigart at 6:44 AM on May 16 [5 favorites]
So we doing this JD Vance shit again? […] to try understanding and compromising with rural white conservatism yet again
To be pedantic, Vance’s Hillbilly Elegy wasn’t about “understanding and compromising with rural white conservatism”. It was about sneering at and scapegoating the rural white poor, something that middle-class whites across the ideological spectrum can be counted upon to consume with alacrity.
To be pedantic, Vance’s Hillbilly Elegy wasn’t about “understanding and compromising with rural white conservatism”. It was about sneering at and scapegoating the rural white poor, something that middle-class whites across the ideological spectrum can be counted upon to consume with alacrity.
posted by non canadian guy at 6:58 AM on May 16 [18 favorites]
“Elegy” has no class, no heart, and no warmth. It’s a poorly written appropriation of Appalachian stereotypes that presents us as a people who aren’t worthy of anything but derision and pity, and who cannot be helped because we refuse to help ourselves. It ignores the systemic capitalist oppression that encourages persistent poverty. It assumes there is some special sect of the working class that is especially dedicated to white people. It is rife with fragile masculinity that actively diminishes the critical role that Appalachian women play in the culture, the resistance, in the workforce, and in the new economy.
We used to vacation in the Ozarks when I was a kid, and we went to Silver Dollar City several times. And it was fun. And at that time, before Worlds of Fun was built, there wasn't much like it in Kansas City. But back then it hadn't yet become the Branson that exists now.
I did drive through there 5 or 6 years ago, and what a nightmare. Would have left town more quickly than I did, because of massive traffic, and road construction and, ugh. Will not do that again...
posted by Windopaene at 7:19 AM on May 16 [2 favorites]
I did drive through there 5 or 6 years ago, and what a nightmare. Would have left town more quickly than I did, because of massive traffic, and road construction and, ugh. Will not do that again...
posted by Windopaene at 7:19 AM on May 16 [2 favorites]
Been to Branson several times as a kid and several times as an adult with family in tow; It IS fascinating, even if I feel at times like I'm a tourist in my own country, doing more observing than experiencing. The town is filled with traffic and tedious to drive through as the narrow roads have no room to expand. The shows are fun if relentlessly cheesy and we avoid places with overly pandering signs. (There's a giant mural on one theater that states "we STAND for the flag and KNEEL for the cross.") Plates of food at every restaurant have insanely large helpings, including a nearby Lambert's, a chain where waiters throw bread rolls at patrons and drinks come in Big Gulp-sized giant mugs.
Even though the kids have a great time at Silver Dollar City, I always breathe a sigh of relief when that place is in the rearview mirror.
posted by sirvinegar at 7:39 AM on May 16 [6 favorites]
Even though the kids have a great time at Silver Dollar City, I always breathe a sigh of relief when that place is in the rearview mirror.
posted by sirvinegar at 7:39 AM on May 16 [6 favorites]
Yes I agree, but I have to repeat my question: are we doing this again?
Having another long read that convinces liberals to yet again extend the olive branch and not take the threat seriously? Just gawk at locals, always making excuses and extending the euphemisms (never mention "white supremacy" or "antisemitism" or "misogyny"). We doing this again?
posted by AlSweigart at 7:43 AM on May 16 [4 favorites]
Having another long read that convinces liberals to yet again extend the olive branch and not take the threat seriously? Just gawk at locals, always making excuses and extending the euphemisms (never mention "white supremacy" or "antisemitism" or "misogyny"). We doing this again?
posted by AlSweigart at 7:43 AM on May 16 [4 favorites]
I live near Branson, but hardly ever go there. The dinosaur thing is weird, because there are no dinosaur bones here. I think this area was an inland sea during dinosaur times. In fact, I'm hoping to someday have some beachfront property if global warming works out. /s
The audiences being old white people is true, but several years ago I went to see Liverpool Legends (a Beatles tribute show) and bus after bus of high school Black kids filled the theater. That was a lively audience, and a really fun show. At the end of the show, people kept asking Louise Harrison (George's sister) questions about the Beatles, like "Did they have any routines to pep themselves up before a show?" Every question Louise answered with, "I really don't know." Then someone, probably a plant, said, "In California, we like to smoke the weed. Do you have any thoughts on the weed?" She began an extended diatribe about how marijuana is a natural plant, found in nature, a gift from God, and legalize it!
The main roads in Branson, back in the day, were always congested with slowly moving vehicles, and you had to just kind of sit there stuck in traffic. At the time, I had one of the original iPhones and used the new Maps app to see all the back roads and alternate ways to get places, and it was like being omniscient! No one else was using the back roads, because no one from out of town knew they were there.
posted by jabah at 7:54 AM on May 16 [13 favorites]
The audiences being old white people is true, but several years ago I went to see Liverpool Legends (a Beatles tribute show) and bus after bus of high school Black kids filled the theater. That was a lively audience, and a really fun show. At the end of the show, people kept asking Louise Harrison (George's sister) questions about the Beatles, like "Did they have any routines to pep themselves up before a show?" Every question Louise answered with, "I really don't know." Then someone, probably a plant, said, "In California, we like to smoke the weed. Do you have any thoughts on the weed?" She began an extended diatribe about how marijuana is a natural plant, found in nature, a gift from God, and legalize it!
The main roads in Branson, back in the day, were always congested with slowly moving vehicles, and you had to just kind of sit there stuck in traffic. At the time, I had one of the original iPhones and used the new Maps app to see all the back roads and alternate ways to get places, and it was like being omniscient! No one else was using the back roads, because no one from out of town knew they were there.
posted by jabah at 7:54 AM on May 16 [13 favorites]
We doing this again?
I don't think this essay is that at all. For one, it adresses the racism head on and without excuses for anyone.
posted by mumimor at 8:06 AM on May 16 [20 favorites]
I don't think this essay is that at all. For one, it adresses the racism head on and without excuses for anyone.
posted by mumimor at 8:06 AM on May 16 [20 favorites]
My son-in-law’s parents love Branson. They’ve dropped the idea of all of us going some day, and it’s kind of an awkward moment where you don’t want to go “oh, hell no” but you still need to not insult them.
This experience is pretty much my entire childhood/young adulthood (as a reader/theater geek in a sports family, and later having friends into things like "so bad it's good" movies). I eventually figured out it doesn't have to be awkward -- if you like them (i.e. actually don't want to insult them) it's easy to recognize and accept their fandom without agreeing that you are/would also be a fan. Then all you have to do is smile and say "No thank you."
posted by Pedantzilla at 8:09 AM on May 16 [3 favorites]
This experience is pretty much my entire childhood/young adulthood (as a reader/theater geek in a sports family, and later having friends into things like "so bad it's good" movies). I eventually figured out it doesn't have to be awkward -- if you like them (i.e. actually don't want to insult them) it's easy to recognize and accept their fandom without agreeing that you are/would also be a fan. Then all you have to do is smile and say "No thank you."
posted by Pedantzilla at 8:09 AM on May 16 [3 favorites]
Yeah, AlSweigart, did we read the same article?
posted by biogeo at 8:10 AM on May 16 [1 favorite]
posted by biogeo at 8:10 AM on May 16 [1 favorite]
Fun fact: Branson is in Taney County, Missouri. Name ring a bell? It's named after the Supreme Court chief justice who delivered the Dred Scott decision.
posted by gimonca at 8:18 AM on May 16 [6 favorites]
posted by gimonca at 8:18 AM on May 16 [6 favorites]
I half expected this to end with the author finding Steven on his deathbed, eyes fixed on something only he could see, whispering, "The horror, the horror..."
posted by biogeo at 8:31 AM on May 16 [2 favorites]
posted by biogeo at 8:31 AM on May 16 [2 favorites]
Very interesting take on the place, not quite what I was expecting.
My experience of Branson was through my then-wife's having an annual get-together with some of her relatives there... but not for any of the dinner-theater or tourist trap franchise stuff. The White River was dammed up for hydroelectric power, which created Lake Taneycomo, name derived from Taney County, MO (and ugh, had no idea about the Dred Scott connection); the lake is stocked with three-quarters of a million trout every year, almost enough to let you walk across the lake Jesus-style, and making it virtually impossible not to catch enough fish for a decent meal, which is what the ex's relatives did. There are cozy cabin-style camps scattered around the lake (along with a mansion that I was told belonged to bestselling author Nora Roberts), and basically we just fished and ate fish and hung out.
Once--only once--we went into town and visited the Ripley's museum, which was unexpectedly engaging; it wasn't the first place that I saw a life-sized statue of Robert Wadlow, the tallest person who ever lived (that would have been the Empire State Building) nor the last (Alton, Illinois, where Wadlow lived for most of his short life), but there was a whole lot of other interesting stuff that Robert Ripley collected during his life, such as recognizable portraits of the Beatles on a single grain of rice. I was moderately interested in seeing Yakov Smirnoff's place, because I'd been in a Russian folk orchestra in college and heard that his act included a balalaika ensemble, but didn't make it.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:40 AM on May 16 [7 favorites]
My experience of Branson was through my then-wife's having an annual get-together with some of her relatives there... but not for any of the dinner-theater or tourist trap franchise stuff. The White River was dammed up for hydroelectric power, which created Lake Taneycomo, name derived from Taney County, MO (and ugh, had no idea about the Dred Scott connection); the lake is stocked with three-quarters of a million trout every year, almost enough to let you walk across the lake Jesus-style, and making it virtually impossible not to catch enough fish for a decent meal, which is what the ex's relatives did. There are cozy cabin-style camps scattered around the lake (along with a mansion that I was told belonged to bestselling author Nora Roberts), and basically we just fished and ate fish and hung out.
Once--only once--we went into town and visited the Ripley's museum, which was unexpectedly engaging; it wasn't the first place that I saw a life-sized statue of Robert Wadlow, the tallest person who ever lived (that would have been the Empire State Building) nor the last (Alton, Illinois, where Wadlow lived for most of his short life), but there was a whole lot of other interesting stuff that Robert Ripley collected during his life, such as recognizable portraits of the Beatles on a single grain of rice. I was moderately interested in seeing Yakov Smirnoff's place, because I'd been in a Russian folk orchestra in college and heard that his act included a balalaika ensemble, but didn't make it.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:40 AM on May 16 [7 favorites]
Though maybe Yakov Smirnoff is more the Kurtz in this story.
posted by biogeo at 9:02 AM on May 16 [8 favorites]
posted by biogeo at 9:02 AM on May 16 [8 favorites]
Growing up in Tulsa going to Branson was a common vacation for everyone I knew. I've only been once. Mainly I cared about Silver Dollar City of course (turkey legs!) but we saw a few shows while we were there. Ray Stevens who I loved as a kid (before he went right wing nutjob). Shoji Tabuchi for a more serious show. But the one I remember most was that we got free tickets to a sort of Tribute to America! type performance that seemed to be all early 20s white kids doing a Sha Na Na style nostalgia show with a big dash of flags and freedom. I remember feeling vicarious embarrassment for everyone on stage. And I was like 9 years old.
posted by downtohisturtles at 9:15 AM on May 16 [5 favorites]
posted by downtohisturtles at 9:15 AM on May 16 [5 favorites]
Though maybe Yakov Smirnoff is more the Kurtz in this story.
In Soviet Branson, the horror says "you, you".
posted by chavenet at 9:19 AM on May 16 [26 favorites]
In Soviet Branson, the horror says "you, you".
posted by chavenet at 9:19 AM on May 16 [26 favorites]
I half expected this to end with the author finding Steven on his deathbed, eyes fixed on something only he could see, whispering, "The horror, the horror..."
i was kind of wondering if someone was going to feed the author to those tigers
posted by pyramid termite at 9:33 AM on May 16 [2 favorites]
i was kind of wondering if someone was going to feed the author to those tigers
posted by pyramid termite at 9:33 AM on May 16 [2 favorites]
My only experience of Branson is Donald Westlake's novel Baby, Would I Lie?. It was written 30 years ago but I don't think things have changed that much in Branson.
posted by leaper at 9:33 AM on May 16 [2 favorites]
posted by leaper at 9:33 AM on May 16 [2 favorites]
I am from Springfield, Missouri. Branson was a constant in my adolescence in the '90s, and this author really touched on some meaningful things for me. I appreciate this essay very much and I would ask that people actually engage with it, rather than dropping snarky potshots about hillbilly culture in the thread without reading TFA.
posted by daisystomper at 9:34 AM on May 16 [15 favorites]
posted by daisystomper at 9:34 AM on May 16 [15 favorites]
They’ve dropped the idea of all of us going some day
My family drove vaguely through this region a lot when I was small and we went to a lot of living-history and craft sites instead. We were all nerds, and also they were probably cheaper, but maybe that would satisfy everyone enough? If they still exist and haven’t gotten pricey.
posted by clew at 9:42 AM on May 16 [2 favorites]
My family drove vaguely through this region a lot when I was small and we went to a lot of living-history and craft sites instead. We were all nerds, and also they were probably cheaper, but maybe that would satisfy everyone enough? If they still exist and haven’t gotten pricey.
posted by clew at 9:42 AM on May 16 [2 favorites]
Hell, I go just to eat at Dolly's Stampede restaurant. Plus you get a show with it. I get tired of avocado toast. Need me one of Dolly's biscuits.
posted by Czjewel at 9:51 AM on May 16 [2 favorites]
posted by Czjewel at 9:51 AM on May 16 [2 favorites]
I found the article interesting, anyway. The author made it sound like a place where Black families who have the money to go on vacation for the first time are attracted to because it has a reputation for safe, family-friendly fun, and also a place where the locals will shout the n-word at you out of their pickup trucks.
It makes me curious whether there are other places or experiences with the same dynamic.
posted by clawsoon at 9:59 AM on May 16 [4 favorites]
It makes me curious whether there are other places or experiences with the same dynamic.
posted by clawsoon at 9:59 AM on May 16 [4 favorites]
I don't have the distance to this kind of "Real America" to wax sentiment and give it the kid-gloves treatment like the author does, so I'll just step out of this thread. It's the last line that really gets me:
“You have to embrace the flaws.”
I assure you that you do not.
posted by AlSweigart at 10:11 AM on May 16 [10 favorites]
“You have to embrace the flaws.”
I assure you that you do not.
posted by AlSweigart at 10:11 AM on May 16 [10 favorites]
Here's a personal Branson story, that I think resonates with the essay.
Me and my brother, growing up in the '80s and '90s, absolutely loathed being dragged to any corny-ass Branson thing (Andy Williams, ugh) except Silver Dollar City, the amusement park. We went so many times we knew the layout of SDC by memory: where the glassblower was, where the saltwater taffy store was, where the blacksmith shop was. SDC was about watching artisans recreate old-timey crafts, the slow-moving Haunted Mine boat ride, and being forced by my parents to listen to someone playing the hammer dulcimer. It was about someone slowly driving a mule to stir an enormous pot of apple butter, and every single thing in the park being made of wood and ropes.
When SDC got its first real roller coaster (Thunderation!), it was a big deal, and controversial, because a lot of people (including my parents) felt like it went against the spirit of the park. Gradually, more and more generic amusement park rides and attractions got added. And then, one year, they added a Singing Christmas Tree.
The park had had lights up every Christmas for a long time. People would come in late November and December to see the (tasteful, clear) lights, to hear Appalachian Christmas music, to buy overpriced hot cider and walk around. But now, there was a 60-foot-tall LED-covered fake tree that pulsed glaring lights in time to a deafening blast of Mannheim Steamroller Christmas tunes every 20 minutes, right in the middle of the main plaza. It was appalling.
On the other side of the plaza was the least popular feature of SDC, something only regular visitors really knew about: a homestead cabin and a chapel, real buildings from the Ozarks area, built probably in the 1840s or so, salvaged and reconstructed there in (what had been) the quietest spot of the park. That Christmas, there were three or four old guys, long-term employees of the park, who had brought in banjos and guitars and fiddles and were playing traditional tunes and Christmas tones by the fire, gently bantering with anyone who wandered in. And every 20 minutes when the Singing Christmas Tree blared across the plaza, they marked a chalk mark on an old slate board, counting down until the tree was finally turned off near the park's close.
This memory of the fiddlers vs. The Singing Christmas Tree sums up Branson the Ozarks, to me, as a native: yes it's jarring and kitchy, yes it's a horror show of commercialized reinforced White Christian nationalism, yes it's full of lakeside timeshares and crowds of old white people and bread thrown at your face in restaurants. But somewhere under there, sometimes, there are bits of authenticity and people trying to do something meaningful, which itself gets exploited to make money off of a semi-delusional nostalgia.
And maybe I'm falling into the trap of that nostalgia too, because l remember the earlier Branson, like the author of this essay, when Branson had room for apple butter and dulcimer music; and now it's all ziplines and outdoor malls. So it goes.
posted by daisystomper at 10:26 AM on May 16 [29 favorites]
Me and my brother, growing up in the '80s and '90s, absolutely loathed being dragged to any corny-ass Branson thing (Andy Williams, ugh) except Silver Dollar City, the amusement park. We went so many times we knew the layout of SDC by memory: where the glassblower was, where the saltwater taffy store was, where the blacksmith shop was. SDC was about watching artisans recreate old-timey crafts, the slow-moving Haunted Mine boat ride, and being forced by my parents to listen to someone playing the hammer dulcimer. It was about someone slowly driving a mule to stir an enormous pot of apple butter, and every single thing in the park being made of wood and ropes.
When SDC got its first real roller coaster (Thunderation!), it was a big deal, and controversial, because a lot of people (including my parents) felt like it went against the spirit of the park. Gradually, more and more generic amusement park rides and attractions got added. And then, one year, they added a Singing Christmas Tree.
The park had had lights up every Christmas for a long time. People would come in late November and December to see the (tasteful, clear) lights, to hear Appalachian Christmas music, to buy overpriced hot cider and walk around. But now, there was a 60-foot-tall LED-covered fake tree that pulsed glaring lights in time to a deafening blast of Mannheim Steamroller Christmas tunes every 20 minutes, right in the middle of the main plaza. It was appalling.
On the other side of the plaza was the least popular feature of SDC, something only regular visitors really knew about: a homestead cabin and a chapel, real buildings from the Ozarks area, built probably in the 1840s or so, salvaged and reconstructed there in (what had been) the quietest spot of the park. That Christmas, there were three or four old guys, long-term employees of the park, who had brought in banjos and guitars and fiddles and were playing traditional tunes and Christmas tones by the fire, gently bantering with anyone who wandered in. And every 20 minutes when the Singing Christmas Tree blared across the plaza, they marked a chalk mark on an old slate board, counting down until the tree was finally turned off near the park's close.
This memory of the fiddlers vs. The Singing Christmas Tree sums up Branson the Ozarks, to me, as a native: yes it's jarring and kitchy, yes it's a horror show of commercialized reinforced White Christian nationalism, yes it's full of lakeside timeshares and crowds of old white people and bread thrown at your face in restaurants. But somewhere under there, sometimes, there are bits of authenticity and people trying to do something meaningful, which itself gets exploited to make money off of a semi-delusional nostalgia.
And maybe I'm falling into the trap of that nostalgia too, because l remember the earlier Branson, like the author of this essay, when Branson had room for apple butter and dulcimer music; and now it's all ziplines and outdoor malls. So it goes.
posted by daisystomper at 10:26 AM on May 16 [29 favorites]
I had forgotten about Lamberts, home of the thrown rolls! I once saw a souvenir Lamberts mug in the big Goodwill in Seattle and did a double take. That thing had come so far! I also had a friend from a summer camp in Springfield that lived walking distance from Lamberts. Find the mega church on the map, she lived in one of the houses just north of there. I learned from her family that mega churches make bad neighbors, which is a very on the nose contradiction.
Also, Thunderation ruled. They just did a huge update on Fire in the Hole too, which looks really good. My partner and I watch a lot of theme park youtubers, and that came up a lot when they were doing press for its grand opening. We watched a few of the videos, and my partner asked if we needed to make the trek down to Silver Dollar City. And as nostalgic as I am for it, no, I don't think we need to.
posted by gc at 11:09 AM on May 16 [2 favorites]
Also, Thunderation ruled. They just did a huge update on Fire in the Hole too, which looks really good. My partner and I watch a lot of theme park youtubers, and that came up a lot when they were doing press for its grand opening. We watched a few of the videos, and my partner asked if we needed to make the trek down to Silver Dollar City. And as nostalgic as I am for it, no, I don't think we need to.
posted by gc at 11:09 AM on May 16 [2 favorites]
gimonica: Fun fact: Branson is in Taney County, Missouri. Name ring a bell? It's named after the Supreme Court chief justice who delivered the Dred Scott decision.
You can still see Roger Taney performing his All-Star Judicial Revue five nights a week in Branson.
posted by dr_dank at 11:15 AM on May 16 [5 favorites]
You can still see Roger Taney performing his All-Star Judicial Revue five nights a week in Branson.
posted by dr_dank at 11:15 AM on May 16 [5 favorites]
I lived in Branson for the last 3 years of high school. People assuming everyone in town has a particular mindset are making the same mistake as people assuming everyone who works in Hollywood is liberal.
For most people, the shtick is just a job. But it is also an area that attracts people who want to believe in something.
In short, Branson is a land of contrasts.
posted by funkaspuck at 11:19 AM on May 16 [12 favorites]
For most people, the shtick is just a job. But it is also an area that attracts people who want to believe in something.
In short, Branson is a land of contrasts.
posted by funkaspuck at 11:19 AM on May 16 [12 favorites]
This gives more context surrounding the presence of the Lambert's in Foley AL, close to Gulf Shores, the nearest good beach to Branson. I have seen people wait outside in line during a lightning storm to get at the flying rolls. I have never been, but I assume it's like Dick's Last Resort for sober people.
posted by credulous at 11:24 AM on May 16 [1 favorite]
posted by credulous at 11:24 AM on May 16 [1 favorite]
I was able to catch Glen Campbell in his last tour at Branson. It was pretty fantastic. It was also accompanied by the fact the show opened with Restless Heart. Everyone, and I do mean, everyone was clearly there for Glen, EXCEPT this one 40 something woman who Restless Heart had imprinted upon in her teenage years. She happened to be seated next to my mother-in-law and could not stay in her seat while Restless Heart played. She stood. She danced. She wiggled and jiggled. And she was the only one in the entire auditorium doing it. When Restless Heart finished their set and it was announced Glen was going to be come out and perform, she left and never returned.
One thing the article did not touch upon, which has been written or discussed in other media, is that there's a very sizable LGBTQ community in Branson, as well. It definitely is a city of contradictions because there's the locals and then there's everyone who is drawn there, either for entertainment or for employment.
posted by Atreides at 2:22 PM on May 16 [7 favorites]
One thing the article did not touch upon, which has been written or discussed in other media, is that there's a very sizable LGBTQ community in Branson, as well. It definitely is a city of contradictions because there's the locals and then there's everyone who is drawn there, either for entertainment or for employment.
posted by Atreides at 2:22 PM on May 16 [7 favorites]
That was a lovely piece of writing. I'm surprisingly fond of Branson. In theory, everything about me should hate it, but it's got a simple we're-trying-to-have-fun-here worldview that you can't entirely loathe. Silver Dollar City is very good fun, and is pretty classy by comparison.
I always come back from Branson slightly stupefied by too much food (perhaps too much Springfield-style Cashew Chicken) and surprised that I bought yet another pocket knife.
posted by scruss at 2:50 PM on May 16 [6 favorites]
I always come back from Branson slightly stupefied by too much food (perhaps too much Springfield-style Cashew Chicken) and surprised that I bought yet another pocket knife.
posted by scruss at 2:50 PM on May 16 [6 favorites]
The one time I met Yakov Smirnoff, I forgot to tell him that one of his jokes is my all-time favorite:
Soviet General: Americans land on moon. We must land on sun!
Scientist: But comrade, sun is too hot. Cosmonauts will burn up.
Soviet General: I am not a fool… We will land at night.
I also met Shoji Tabuchi once, but could not understand a word he said. I love the inlay on his violin in this old publicity photo.
posted by jabah at 4:59 PM on May 16 [5 favorites]
Soviet General: Americans land on moon. We must land on sun!
Scientist: But comrade, sun is too hot. Cosmonauts will burn up.
Soviet General: I am not a fool… We will land at night.
I also met Shoji Tabuchi once, but could not understand a word he said. I love the inlay on his violin in this old publicity photo.
posted by jabah at 4:59 PM on May 16 [5 favorites]
I appreciate this essay very much and I would ask that people actually engage with it
“Sub-sub-sub-microdemographics“ returns only this essay when I type that sequence of letters into a search engine today. Impressive. There were zero results when I originally searched. This singularity is notable especially because the article is predicated upon authorial “usage authority”.
I’d thought about sending Harper’s editors a letter; started a draft of when I’d read their issue What Happened to Gen X? Not really a question. Three questions: what happened (what brought about within timespace this cohort of humanity); what happened to (what were the historical conditions experienced by); what happened to (make a marketing term of) Gen X (when Rushkoff is promoting a “optimistic vision of a technologically mediated global organism”)? Maybe a fourth?
I think: the trebled sub Rafil introduces, at the cusp of the traditional transitional period, could be a way into these questions. What, though, would writing Harper’s achieve? Would I just be forwarded; Rafil choosing a repeat feat? Might I be expecting an answer in return? Would it take a similar form? Retracing my steps…
Findings
Findings is a section at the back of Harper’s, in print. Reading “ungrammatical sentence” in the article, my first thought was that there was another article being referenced. Digitally, content becomes unmoored from context. It’s not an article, properly. It’s a Findings. Findings are more like listicles than articles, with due respect to Harper’s. I mean, there’s no byline even. They’re at the end, after every other page you’ve turned. I’ll explain.
If you don’t have this page in front of you, or you’ve never seen this publication in print, you may not understand this experience. Visceral:
FINDINGS
Bold, centered 3/4 from the base of the page where copyright is given to “The artist”, this word rests above a crossword puzzle bleeding through paper thin enough they can still (hopefully) make a profit in the cutthroat world publishing’s become, below four mathematically-abstract, colorful images. “Luminescent grains from the Erg Chebbi sand sea dated the origin of the Lala Lallia star dune to 11000 BC.” TFA and so much more: that’s the final page in the current print issue. Have I explained enough? There’s different questions on my mind though, even more so after reading the second sentence (and feeling sudden, unrelenting solidarity with an unknown stratigrapher and paleontologist): “The Subcommission on Quaternary Stratigraphy denied the Anthropocene epoch status by a vote of twelve to four, though a paleontologist and a stratigrapher moved to void the decision on procedural grounds.” Who wrote this?
It wasn’t Rafil. I don’t think so at least. It’s not Rafil’s style. It’d be a fragment; in Findings, Rafil uses semicolons as if trying to personally nail together Kurt Vonnegut, Edward Abbey, and Donald Bartheleme in the deepest circle of- heck, I’ll just share the full sentence:
"In a zoo in the Czech Republic, two lions killed a white tigress; five white tigers in a Chinese zoo had become fearful of the live chickens offered them as food; and in China’s Hubei province, a gang of macaques trained in kung-fu turned on their human master."
There’s a lot that could be said even just about Nemesis, how the article begins. Nemesis’ redistributive justice in cases of hubris, etc. How would all/any of this fit into a letter?
I decide against sending the letter. I’ll do something different. I don’t want to talk to Rafil about this. I do want to talk to somebody though. No, I don’t want to talk to just somebody. I want to talk to everybody: I join Metafilter.
posted by HearHere at 7:12 PM on May 16 [5 favorites]
“Sub-sub-sub-microdemographics“ returns only this essay when I type that sequence of letters into a search engine today. Impressive. There were zero results when I originally searched. This singularity is notable especially because the article is predicated upon authorial “usage authority”.
I’d thought about sending Harper’s editors a letter; started a draft of when I’d read their issue What Happened to Gen X? Not really a question. Three questions: what happened (what brought about within timespace this cohort of humanity); what happened to (what were the historical conditions experienced by); what happened to (make a marketing term of) Gen X (when Rushkoff is promoting a “optimistic vision of a technologically mediated global organism”)? Maybe a fourth?
I think: the trebled sub Rafil introduces, at the cusp of the traditional transitional period, could be a way into these questions. What, though, would writing Harper’s achieve? Would I just be forwarded; Rafil choosing a repeat feat? Might I be expecting an answer in return? Would it take a similar form? Retracing my steps…
Findings
Findings is a section at the back of Harper’s, in print. Reading “ungrammatical sentence” in the article, my first thought was that there was another article being referenced. Digitally, content becomes unmoored from context. It’s not an article, properly. It’s a Findings. Findings are more like listicles than articles, with due respect to Harper’s. I mean, there’s no byline even. They’re at the end, after every other page you’ve turned. I’ll explain.
If you don’t have this page in front of you, or you’ve never seen this publication in print, you may not understand this experience. Visceral:
FINDINGS
Bold, centered 3/4 from the base of the page where copyright is given to “The artist”, this word rests above a crossword puzzle bleeding through paper thin enough they can still (hopefully) make a profit in the cutthroat world publishing’s become, below four mathematically-abstract, colorful images. “Luminescent grains from the Erg Chebbi sand sea dated the origin of the Lala Lallia star dune to 11000 BC.” TFA and so much more: that’s the final page in the current print issue. Have I explained enough? There’s different questions on my mind though, even more so after reading the second sentence (and feeling sudden, unrelenting solidarity with an unknown stratigrapher and paleontologist): “The Subcommission on Quaternary Stratigraphy denied the Anthropocene epoch status by a vote of twelve to four, though a paleontologist and a stratigrapher moved to void the decision on procedural grounds.” Who wrote this?
It wasn’t Rafil. I don’t think so at least. It’s not Rafil’s style. It’d be a fragment; in Findings, Rafil uses semicolons as if trying to personally nail together Kurt Vonnegut, Edward Abbey, and Donald Bartheleme in the deepest circle of- heck, I’ll just share the full sentence:
"In a zoo in the Czech Republic, two lions killed a white tigress; five white tigers in a Chinese zoo had become fearful of the live chickens offered them as food; and in China’s Hubei province, a gang of macaques trained in kung-fu turned on their human master."
There’s a lot that could be said even just about Nemesis, how the article begins. Nemesis’ redistributive justice in cases of hubris, etc. How would all/any of this fit into a letter?
I decide against sending the letter. I’ll do something different. I don’t want to talk to Rafil about this. I do want to talk to somebody though. No, I don’t want to talk to just somebody. I want to talk to everybody: I join Metafilter.
posted by HearHere at 7:12 PM on May 16 [5 favorites]
Despite growing up near both Silver Dollar City and Dogpatch USA, I have never visited either. Dogpatch is long gone, of course (hence why you've never heard of it despite it having been just a stone's throw from Branson), killed off by the hubris of trying to build a ski resort in Arkansas of all places and the rapidly decreasing cultural relevance of the Lil' Abner comic strip upon which it was based.
As far as the people in that part of the country go, I think we would all do well to remember that less than a hundred years ago most of them were practically, if not actually, communists. Well, that far up in the hills maybe not quite so blood red, but still nothing like what you see today. One writes off entire regions just because of the way things are right this minute at one's own peril.
posted by wierdo at 2:39 AM on May 17 [4 favorites]
As far as the people in that part of the country go, I think we would all do well to remember that less than a hundred years ago most of them were practically, if not actually, communists. Well, that far up in the hills maybe not quite so blood red, but still nothing like what you see today. One writes off entire regions just because of the way things are right this minute at one's own peril.
posted by wierdo at 2:39 AM on May 17 [4 favorites]
I loved watching Hee Haw. I have always wanted to visit Branson to hear that wonderful music performed live.
posted by elmono at 5:58 AM on May 17 [2 favorites]
posted by elmono at 5:58 AM on May 17 [2 favorites]
Branson, Missouri. My dad says it's like Vegas if it were run by Ned Flanders.
posted by kirkaracha at 5:33 PM on May 18 [1 favorite]
posted by kirkaracha at 5:33 PM on May 18 [1 favorite]
When I was a kid I spent summers at my dad's parents farm in Mountain Grove and I had aunt and uncles in Springfield, so I went to Branson before it was Branson. I loved Silver Dollar City and its underground rollercoaster, and got to see Branson’s Famous Baldknobbers.
"Baldknobbers" is inspired by the vigilante Bald Knobbers but they don't wear the Knobbers' spooky masks.
posted by kirkaracha at 5:40 PM on May 18 [2 favorites]
"Baldknobbers" is inspired by the vigilante Bald Knobbers but they don't wear the Knobbers' spooky masks.
posted by kirkaracha at 5:40 PM on May 18 [2 favorites]
« Older "This is not a case of someone just taking... | I've Worked With Better, But Not Many Newer »
"The draw is aggregate: family entertainment as commodity, completely deracinated."
What passes as Real America is as atavistic as a PT Cruiser. The term is ‘manufactured.’
“Nostalgia, in both the cultural-myth sense (something like big-tent small-c conservatism) and the concrete experiential sense (in our individual and then collective memories), is in an endless process of updating and replacement.”
Heartlander conservatism is to nostalgia what tapeworms are to duodenums: nourished strictly on chyme and pre-digestion, productive solely of insatiability.
posted by cthlsgnd at 4:49 AM on May 16 [17 favorites]