Talk dirty to me
July 9, 2024 7:21 PM   Subscribe

KJ Scott conducted a survey of preferred nomenclature for all the sexy bits. (link is to a PDF, no images but virtually all of the words are NSFW)
posted by jacquilynne (31 comments total) 21 users marked this as a favorite


 
"Hawk tuah" must be too new to be in the oral sex category.

I appreciate their dedication to not only the survey but how it was presented. Fun stuff!
posted by ashbury at 7:42 PM on July 9 [1 favorite]


Of the terms included in the survey, the below were chosen as acceptable and sexy by over 90% of respondants.
Clit 95.7%
Cock 95%
Ass 92.7%
Come/Cum 93%
Climax 93.6%
Gasp 97.3%
Moan 98.3%
Thrust 90.9%



...and that's numberwang
posted by logicpunk at 7:42 PM on July 9 [19 favorites]


Interesting that “pussy” and “cunt” are both highly loved and highly hated.

“Cunt” is a little more hated, but I was surprised they were otherwise so close.
posted by Renegade Duck at 7:47 PM on July 9


What happened to all the Yiddish words? I thought some of them (like schlong) were pretty common.
posted by kozad at 7:49 PM on July 9 [1 favorite]



What happened to all the Yiddish words? I thought some of them (like schlong) were pretty common.


I came in to say "what about 'tuchus'?" but more generally, yeah!
posted by aubilenon at 8:02 PM on July 9


Speaking of yiddish, needs more towels.....

---

No matter what this Moyshe did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm.

Since by Jewish law a wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to consult their Rabbi.

The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion: 'Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help your wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm.'

They go home and follow the Rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It does not help and the wife is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi.

"Okay,' he says to the husband, "Try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."

Once again, they follow the Rabbi's advice. They go home and hire the same strapping young man.

The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and soon she has an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting screaming orgasm.

The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly,"See that, you schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel."
posted by lalochezia at 8:07 PM on July 9 [55 favorites]


Readers prefer ... Erotic story elements that are referred to with a variety of synonymous terms within one story (i.e. using "cock," "dick", "shaft," etc. interchangeably)

Interchangeably? What about as appropriate, to convey subtle and varied nuances?! Y'ever think of that!?
posted by aubilenon at 8:11 PM on July 9 [4 favorites]


Bits. It’s always bits.

Also: no honorable mention for deez nutz? What year is this
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:09 PM on July 9 [4 favorites]


Imagine surveying English-language erotic fiction for salacious vocabulary and *not* including anything from Ch. 11 of Urquhart and Motteux's 1643/94 translation of Gargantua. Any list of penis synonyms that doesn't include "lusty live sausage" is seriously lacking!

These days, no one respects the classics anymore...
posted by the tartare yolk at 10:14 PM on July 9 [6 favorites]


What happened to all the Yiddish words? I thought some of them (like schlong) were pretty common.

Oy, was I horny... oy, was I horny...
posted by aws17576 at 10:25 PM on July 9 [3 favorites]


"Any fruit"

Not a pineapple, surely?
posted by Paul Slade at 11:51 PM on July 9 [1 favorite]


I feel like the “notable omissions” column is basically just “shut up, DH Lawrence”
posted by thivaia at 11:59 PM on July 9 [3 favorites]


if you happen to be thinking of clicking on the link for gardening tips... *blushes* it's about something else entirely
posted by HearHere at 1:08 AM on July 10


No chuff?
posted by biffa at 2:17 AM on July 10


I am currently reading my way through a YA fantasy series (a father’s day gift from my son and daughter-in-law) and have been struck by how the sex scenes are quite descriptive, from an adjective point of view, yet avoids any and all direct names/words for the naughty bits themselves.
posted by Thorzdad at 2:30 AM on July 10


Over the edge / Precipice / Threshold

Are we mountain climbing here?
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 4:18 AM on July 10 [1 favorite]


When did 'loins' become a word specifically for testicles? Nobody gets kicked in the loins.
posted by pipeski at 4:33 AM on July 10 [4 favorites]


Are we mountain climbing here?

We started with rope but it just became more elaborate over time.
posted by AlSweigart at 5:06 AM on July 10 [2 favorites]


There's a towing (and garage?) company here called Dadswell's and yeah "Ewww he was swimming and I could see his dadswell"
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 5:33 AM on July 10 [4 favorites]


I’ve got to share this with my friends Dick Hampton, Willie Todger, and John Thomas.
posted by Phanx at 8:27 AM on July 10 [1 favorite]


I once had a 6 foot John Thomas in a class I was teaching.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 8:34 AM on July 10 [1 favorite]


For better or for worse, ethics rules suggest you shouldn't reveal that.
posted by Reverend John at 9:01 AM on July 10


I remember Hugh Jampton. He used to go around with two very good friends of mine, Patrick Fitzwilliam and William Fitzpatrick.
posted by Hogshead at 9:15 AM on July 10


Are we mountain climbing here?

Just find a crack you can stick your fingers into and hang on for dear life.
posted by Paul Slade at 9:53 AM on July 10 [2 favorites]


Ok, so I can also use this list for evil to write explicit stories using the least preferred words? Not me, I mean, asking for a friend...
posted by The_Vegetables at 11:00 AM on July 10


I once read a book by (none other than) Stephan King, in which he referred to the vulva as a "velvet seam." I believe he finished the phrase with something sweet, maybe even poetic.

So, anyhow, I dislike the word "cunt," when used as an expletive, and especially when its purpose is to point out a woman's body part. In the same thought, I am baffled by the recent use of "vagina" to describe vulva. Looking at a lover's vulva is a sweet, usually erotic experience. Looking at her vagina probably should be left to her gynecologist. "Ladybits" is a neat word I've seen only in the past few years.

I didn't see "Little Man in the Boat," which, as a young and callow fellow, I thought was cool, but I've come to realize it's a bit of a ... well, you know.
posted by mule98J at 12:59 PM on July 10


I once had a 6 foot John Thomas in a class I was teaching.

Speak to a doctor if it lasts more than four hours.
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 3:53 PM on July 10 [1 favorite]


Mod note: We are absolutely fascinated by this survey and have inserted it into the sidebar and Best Of blog!
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 7:06 AM on July 11


"Any fruit"

Her pomelo was aroused.

Her grapes were ready and waiting.

Her kiwi was absolutely begging for his dadswell.
posted by Ms. Moonlight at 7:49 AM on July 11


Imagine surveying English-language erotic fiction for salacious vocabulary

This is not a survey of words writers use, it's a survey of words alleged readers claim to enjoy. Fortunately nobody would use an open-ended request for names of naughty bits to be silly rather than candid about their preferences.
posted by straight at 11:28 AM on July 11


"Any fruit"

Maybe not durian.
posted by aubilenon at 11:45 AM on July 11 [1 favorite]


« Older Chief Mouser - The Downing Street Cats   |   Hedging, with pipe Newer »


You are not currently logged in. Log in or create a new account to post comments.