Secret Diaries
January 9, 2003 12:00 AM   Subscribe

Secret Diaries from the Lord of the Rings.
posted by Ron (22 comments total)
Wow.... I can actually use that quirky little internet acronym honestly for once.


Funny stuff, that.
posted by dgt at 12:25 AM on January 9, 2003

Aha! A couple of these were mentioned in the Return of the King calender thread, but I couldn't for the life of me find the rest. Reading furiously. In the gobbling-them-up sense, not the consumed-with-white-hot-anger sense.
posted by hippugeek at 12:32 AM on January 9, 2003

Tee hee hee... what if Aragorn were gay? Or Legolas? I mean he is a fruity elf! No, no... Samwise Gamgee is gay! No wait, even better, Gandalf and Sarumon!

Now we're getting somewhere!

How about all of the hobbits, Boromir, and Sauron too? This is comic genius!
posted by themadjuggler at 12:38 AM on January 9, 2003

I freely admit the "everyone is gay!" theme gets old fast. Other bits of them are quite amusing, though, provided you're not expecting high literature. It is a parody of an already silly source, after all.
posted by hippugeek at 12:57 AM on January 9, 2003

These are rather old now (and were posted here last year) - you can get the later ones in Cassandra Claire's Live Journal
posted by BigCalm at 1:07 AM on January 9, 2003

I thought the ones from last year were of a different sort. Guess not.
posted by Ron at 1:31 AM on January 9, 2003

The first link I clicked was Gandalf the Grey. Day One: In Shire. Stunning vista of innocent and pastoral beauty. Is it me, or was Frodo just hanging around in that field masturbating before I came along?

posted by Tacodog at 1:42 AM on January 9, 2003

I know that Tolkien never intended this, but it is so darn easy to read in the homosexual subtext between Frodo and Samwise. Certainly there are parts of them wandering in the wilderness where one hopes for something else going on.

On a almost unrelated subject, perhaps the best part of the Fellowship of the Ring Expanded Edition DVD is the documentary footage of Peter Jackson and production crew acting out the first 10 minutes of the movie inside the unfinished Bag End set. It makes you very glad that these are guys who live behind the camera rather than in front of it. The results are unintentionally funny.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 2:16 AM on January 9, 2003

Terrible, terrible hangover this morning, so many thanks to "Pippin says Legolas is shagging Gimli" for giving me the first big laugh of the day and making me feel a little more human.
posted by ciderwoman at 4:26 AM on January 9, 2003

I trust everyone has also read the Mary Sue diaries?
posted by SealWyf at 7:11 AM on January 9, 2003

Cassie Claire writes them and posts them in her livejournal and then they were consolidated on a few other sites.

I sorted them into lj "memories" for ease of location, so here's all the VSD's, just the ones from The Fellowship of the Ring, or just the ones from The Two Towers.

There are only two from TTT so far, Aragorn and Theoden -- Legolas is rumored to be next.
posted by Karmakaze at 7:23 AM on January 9, 2003

Still think my favorite line out of this is:

"If Legolas keeps nancing about on top of the snow, may have to hit him with my staff."

Mostly because that's the only one I think he actually thought about while they were stuck on the friggin' mountain in waist-deep snow.
posted by FormlessOne at 8:16 AM on January 9, 2003

Absolutely hysterical. Made my morning.
posted by widdershins at 8:18 AM on January 9, 2003

eh, watch out for the slash pics
posted by sawks at 8:52 AM on January 9, 2003

Slash goggles are a fun way to see the world, but you have to take them off some time...
posted by Karmakaze at 8:56 AM on January 9, 2003

Wow; the author really cannot get over the idea of men sticking things up each others' bottoms, can she?

My friend and I got a lot of mileage out of humor like this in junior high school -- in fact, if I remember correctly, it may have been the only admissible form of humor for at least 18 months. But holy cow -- give it a freakin' rest already.
posted by argybarg at 9:40 AM on January 9, 2003

Fun read. Very Adrian Mole style.
Thanks for the link Ron.
posted by ginz at 12:43 PM on January 9, 2003

I guess I'm tragically immature, because I find this stuff hilarious. (Except the slash pics. Ahh!)

Here's another funny bit in this vein: Ask the Witch-King of Angmar
posted by fujikosmurf at 2:25 PM on January 9, 2003

V. similar to these for Buffy fans, there's The First Evil's LiveJournal.
posted by SenshiNeko at 2:48 PM on January 9, 2003

On the topic of fake funny journals

Agent Smith who updates about once a month, has a few amusing entries.

He-Man, who was updating every day, has since lapsed into silence - so sad, so sad ...
posted by pjammer at 3:22 PM on January 9, 2003

but Jon Lipnicky's livejournal is still the funniest. thing. ever.
posted by bunnytricks at 9:31 PM on January 10, 2003

oh yes, no discussion of fake journals is complete without mentioning Hairy Cocaine Larry.
posted by bunnytricks at 9:44 PM on January 10, 2003

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